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  1. Would this bug you or am I just over thinking? So this ripped guy has this picture of himself flexing with this shirt off and my gf liked the picture.....He is from austrialia and my gf had emotional affair with a guy from Australia while with her last bf... I told her it kind of bugged me and she just said that picture was an inside joke and was funny when they met...etc...etc.. Does that sound like made up or do you think she was liking the picture of that guy she had an emotional affair with before she met me?? Hmmm....
  2. Ok is it just me or I must really be imagining things but I see many woman claim to have a harder time on (many go in tears about it, LOL) that than if their men were to either have a one night stand or an ongoing physical affair (some men think like that too). Ok so to me only physical cheating is cheating. But let's suppose that was cheating. Common sense I would 1,000 times preferred my boyfriend doing online things with other women and or say sexual things than to actual have sex or do other physical acts with OW. That's nasty, sharing your naked body with someone else and then telling your so called ''love of your life'' that you love them. Yuck, common sense emotional ones is way better than the actual real thing. No I would never get rid of those images if it was physical. Then talk about STD's, ewwwwwwww.
  3. Ok so my wife, says that because I talked to my sister behind her back (because she hates her and hates me talking to her) that I am cheating. That it qualifies as emotional cheating. yes I did talk to my sister about our relationship and how messed up it was. I told her details that my wife would find personal and damaging to her as far as being a good person/wife/spouse. So telling my sister these things naturally would make my sister, just like most of the people here say get away from her and protect yourself. So by definition emotional affair is talking to someone else behind your spouses back, keeping it secret because you are afraid of what would happen if they found out etc. Here is the offical definition: An emotional affair occurs when one member of a relationship consistently turns to someone else for their core, primary emotional support in life. So with that in mind is she right? I mean its a weird question but im starting to think she is right which is unfortunate.
  4. I'm trying to recover from a pretty devastating breakup with someone I had been planning to propose to for a couple years after 8 years of dating her. She ended up leaving me for someone else she met last Fall after starting an emotional affair with him during a hard part of my life, and she also had an emotional affair with someone else in the first 6 months of our relationship during another hard part of my life. Where I have been hardworking and am about to get my degree, she was truly doing nothing with her life and was setting herself up for money & lifestyle trouble. A huge part of my motivation for wanting to propose to her, and for working so hard, was to ensure she'd have healthcare after she'd no longer be able to be on her parents' health insurance. I'd wanted to be there for her financially to ensure she'd never have to experience some of the things I'd already experienced (and never want to experience again). I've been trying to tell myself that I've dodged a bullet and/or that reconciliation with my ex would be setting myself in front of a firing squad. The last thing I want is to marry someone who'd have an affair while something was stressing me out (or if I was just busy working too hard to be emotionally available for a time period) only to end up having a financially ruinous divorce because of a fiscally one-sided relationship. I'd been reading the initial pages of bwknight's thread a bit and saw some parallels there. Other people mentioned that there are many similar stories. Reading the thread and how these things can pan out was helping me get over my ex, so I'd like to find more stories (and compile them) if any of you can provide me with them. Divorces: bwknight - https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=540327
  5. Hi everyone! This is my first thread, and the purpose of which is to open up a line of discussion and questioning (free of bias and judgement) regarding relationships, as well as to vent about my own experiences! 😊 Three months ago, my ex left me for someone else. We dated for a year, and he had been very much besotted with me in the beginning. He emotionally cheated on me for about a month before breaking up with me. He had kept contact with her on Facebook, messaging and flirting with each other. At the time, both people were in relationships, which they broke off to be together. I officially found out I had been cheated on a few days after him leaving me. He had offered up lame, 2-dimensional excuses such as we wouldn't see each other due to work/college commitments (which had never been a problem), we were going down different path etc, which I immediately called as BS. Luckily for him though, I received an anonymous message (ouch!) through Facebook, from a mutual friend of theirs, saying that he had been cheating on me, and doing it for a while. (This was around the 17th of September). I was outraged, I couldn't believe it, my worst suspicions that my gut had been screaming at me was coming true, and they couldn't have even came from his lips! No! I had been shot in the face with a double whammy! My (then) boyfriend was leaving me, and it was for someone else! I had never expierienced such a nauseating, sickening shock in all my life, up until that point. I had been very much blindsided by his sudden disinterest, despite things not going spectacularly for a while - we had suffered fights and arguments that had never been fully resolved, in retrospect there had been many red flags just before we broke up that I had just brushed aside (he had lied about going down home with his Flatmate, in order to visit his parents and get his "dad out of the house" , as well as actually messaging her in front of me. I had leaned across the sofa one time to show some affection then he had whipped his eyes up from his phone screen in start, irises wide as sacucers, all happening early sepetember) . His lack of affection - no more sitting next to me cuddled up on the couch, he seemed to be slowly pulling away from me - painful proverbial inch by proverbialinch. This was all happening at the same time he was talking to her on Facebook. When I called him to confront about the message I had just received, it was like talking to a completely different person to the one, who had not just a few days before wept ont phone, agreeing that if we saw one another in person it would be different. (I would be lying if say I thought I received some mixed messages when initially having the break up discussions over call and text - we live in neighbouring towns 20 minutes apart by train). He had deliberately been very vague, saying only as much as I probed him to - he didn't want to discuss it, it was all about let's talk tomorrow, talk tomorrow, talk tomorrow blah blah blah like broken record. He had asked how did I honestly feel about us not being together, how he had found me "an amazing person last year, and even more amazing now" as I sat, pleading and proclaiming my love for him, actually THANKING him for being so honest with me. I was delusional. The person that answered the phone had barked at me not to bother him while at college as I had phoned him twice, as well as sending a stream of insults from the shock and anger that coursed through me. The most he told me about them was that when he was at a party with her and their friends when he was back down in is hometown - a good 4 hours drive away from where I live- they kissed. I only found out about the extent of the emotional cheating when I invaded his Facebook, with his password which he had told me months before ( he didn't ever remember saying it in front of me 😈 A double standard came in to play, as the weekend after he dumped me, I had unexpectedly taken someone home, as a drunken rebound. When we were on the phone confronting how he cheated on me while we were together, I told him it was alright because I'd already seen someone, as to get back at him on the heat of the moment. I told him I had slept with someone, and he became furious - saying it was disgusting, that he would move flat as soon as possible because there were too many memories there, how he wouldn't meet me in person because it would make him feel sick, why would he want to meet me when I called his "friend" (new girl) a " dogs dinner", which I did out of scorn. He even made me try and apologise about her. He said he could "never look at my gran or mother again with out being like *ewwww* ". He was so f***ing cruel to me. The day I had to travel through with my mum, he was throwing a party with HER,, who travelled up from where she was originally from and CELEBRATING with all their collective pals. ON THE DAY I WAS COLLECTING ALL MY ING POSSESIONS. I hacked into his Facebook a few days after getting stuff and read everything. Partially out of an insatiable curiosity and partially out of torture. I truly felt I was the keeper of the most valuable Skelton key. I read her telling him how it would be funny if she was the one to open the door and handing me my stuff, har har. It was honestly just disgusting, I hate the both of them so much. Luckily he has changed his password, so I don't have to read anything anymore. I'm glad I know though, and I'm glad I'm the one who tripped him up, he never expected me to find out near as much to extent I did. He's pathetic. It's crazy how two faced people can be. I learned from his messages that there were times he didn't even see me as a friend, that he thought I was , he just let himself sit and resent me, but act like everything was totally fine. He had looked at her profile for the very first time on the 29th of July and had periodically creeped her since then. He told me on the 27th of august how grateful and how lucky he felt that I was a part of his life. Lies upon lies upon facades. It sucks to know. I loved him very much, and I still do. He was my first proper relationship, he taught me a lot. I accept my short comings in the relationship, I know I will learn and I will move on to something better. Sometimes it just hurts so much, the ache, the pain, the realisation that he simply doesn't want you anymore and someone else has preoccupied his interest. I know in my heart he once did love me very much, but shocked me how easily he left me someone else, I guess people grow, change and mature in different ways. We all deserve to be with someone who makes us happy, and that trick works for both sides of the coin. He is still with her now and I wish them the best, they are welcome to one another at this point. I know this is a long ass post, but I would truly appreciate any advice on how I can handle things, or even just share your story! have a nice day everyone!!
  6. my wife of 12 yrs told me she cheated on me with my best friend(at that time) 6 yrs ago. she just told me 3 months ago abou it but the whole time she was telling me she was talking to another guy. she said the guy was just a friend. she hide it from me and locked her cell phone account so i couldn't see her records. well i found her records and found shes been talking to the guy for over a year. she says they have only talked on the phone and thats it. when i try to talk to her she tries to push the blame on me and won't talk about it. i am to blame some because i don't show her the attention and time i should. i will admit my faults but i still can't get this out of my head. oh and by the way we do have a 3yr old son that is making my situation dealing with this even worse because he is my life. can anyone please help me with some input on my problems and situation? thaanks for any help i can get.
  7. I have been married to my husband for 20 years . About 6 years ago I started talking to ex from high school. It was an emotional affair. My husband found out. Still wanted to stay with me but I hear about after all this time. In the mean time - he has had 2 emotional affairs that I know of. And this year (2016) has been the absolute worst year of our married time together. He also finally quit drinking (101 days). And he is now talking to someone (female) about his sobriety since she is a recovering alcoholic . I disapprove but he continues to do talk to her. Ever since he has been sober he has been distant. I want to me married to my husband , I don't want to loose him. I am trying everything I can to get him back emotionally. I need some advice. Thank you.
  8. Husband and I have been married two years, and he has had what I consider to be two emotional affairs. The first time it was with a female friend who he briefly hooked up with before meeting me. The friend was interested in a relationship, but he was not. He lied to me about hanging out with her once and texted with her frequently, reminiscing about the fun times they had and sometimes inviting her to run or cycle with him. When I lost it over him lying about spending time with her and told him to cut things off, he said he would. However, he did not and instead told her about our fight and continued to confide in her about his frustration with me for many months. It took me blowing up at him many times and finally threatening to leave for that to end. We had been dating for a year when it started, and two years when it ended. This time around, the potential emotional affair partner is the woman I considered my best friend, who was our mutual friend (husband and I met through her). She was my maid of honor, we did everything together (often with my husband - the three of us hung out together a lot) and she was my listening ear when I was having trouble with my husband and anything else. My husband and I had a big fight 6 months ago where I got blackout drunk and called him a liar, a cheater, etc. I can't remember most of it but my words were detrimental to the relationship. This fight occurred in front of my best friend so she heard some of it, thought it was not about her (it wasn’t about anything in particular, I just lost it over years of anxiety I guess). After this fight, my husband and best friend more or less shut me out and began talking and spending time with each other without me. They both got more and more distant with me, and while I suspected they were both avoiding me I wasn't sure why. My husband acted like I was a burden and my best friend was distant, cold and sometimes didn't interact at all. I recently accidentally discovered an old device in our home is still linked to my husband's online chats. By this point I was seeing 2 therapists weekly and popping anxiety medication all day due to my unease about my husband and I, so I looked at the chats. Nothing was flirtatious, but he was confiding in her for months, usually daily, about how frustrated he was with me. I had asked him for years not to tell friends about our private conversations and problems and he agreed, but he told her everything and then told her not to tell me. He was inviting her along to things I thought were rare dates between himself and I. He was making plans with her, without me, and they were both mystified as to why I thought that was a problem when he would tell me he was going out with her. They met up while I was out of town and agreed not to tell me about it. Once my husband hurt himself while he was out of town and drunk, and messaged her all about it while ignoring my phone calls and texts. I didn't know what was going on and was worried about not hearing from him when I could see he was online, so I messaged my best friend freaking out. She was chatting with my husband at the same time, but she pretended to be as confused as I was and spent the next 3 hours consoling me and suggesting that maybe he was fast asleep instead of online and ignoring me. The two of them chatting daily and spending time together without me never happened until after this fight 6 months ago. In these chats, it is mostly him sending "Hey what's up" messages, generally late at night or when he's out of town, especially after we have been fighting. It also appears he deleted two months worth of chats in between the existing chats as well as their text thread, which I find odd. I confronted him about all of this and he is scrambling to make good with me. He is saying all the right things and is very worried I will leave like I'm threatening to, and says he cannot believe what he has done. Blah blah blah. Honestly I want to leave him over this because I feel so uneasy and cannot trust him anymore. He betrayed my confidence so many times, and turned to my best friend of all people. I don't believe he had physical affairs but this still shatters me. TL;DR - My husband confides in other women instead of me. He doesn't flirt but shares intimate, non-sexuaal thoughts and tell them about private conversations between himself and, especially when it involves them. Are these emotional affairs?
  9. Before I start, I just want to preface this with 1) I'm not leaving him right now-- it's not an option, and 2) this is more of a rant and me trying to work things out on paper than anything else. Feel free to comment and offer advice but I'm not looking for a cheerleading squad to convince me to leave. Long story short, my partner of 2 years cheats. He may not consider it cheating because he feels that emotional cheating and "just looking but not physically touching" isn't cheating. Whatever, yeah, I know. Like if astral sex was real, he'd claim it wasn't cheating because he wasn't physically touching them with the 5 senses. So looking at pictures/videos of women that he has an emotional bond with and masturbating in the bathroom or whatever isn't cheating in his eyes. That sorta thing. I disagree, obviously. Anyway, because of this situation, I've come a long way from my Catholic upbringing. I've gone from "cheating is wrong-- no ifs, ands or buts about it," to a more liberal view of, "okay, I give up... when in Rome do as the Romans do and if your partner is in love with someone else, just let them go and do what they need to do." Obviously my journey didn't happen overnight. And it's really not so much that I've given up, but I actually do feel a sense of seeing beyond "right and wrong" when it comes to "cheating". But this thread isn't about my newly found perception on cheating, it's more about the one lingering issue I still can't seem to shake. You see, I can't seem to shake the emotional cheating for some reason. For some reason, I'm always sensing the other woman's presence and it bothers me greatly. I feel like she (there are two exes actually but one is just plain psycho) is extremely dominating and intrusive. I'm not sure if it's because my partner is just bad at lying or being obvious on purpose to annoy me, or it's simply because I just don't like this other woman (his ex who obviously isn't an ex) because she is a total sociopath. The more I know he loves having contact with her, the more I don't like him. Maybe if I actually liked her it wouldn't bother me so much. But she has always been so nasty to me in the past and so arrogant and manipulative, that I just don't understand why he would be attracted to her and want to be around her. She's cruel and the more he is around her, the crueler he becomes. So it's not so much the relationship he has with her and the "cheating" that bothers me, it's more that her awful personality rubs off on him and then I'm left with the truly unsavory person he's morphed into. It's bizarre. For example, he gossips more. He's meaner when he talks about others. He becomes an intellectual snob. He looks down on anything that isn't British humor or classic literature or sophisticated art. He becomes a total jerk. He loses his empathy. In other words, he turns into her. And as we've already established, I do not like her and she's never liked me. As a matter of fact, I think the only reason she still clings to him is because she knows it bothers me. Again, she's a textbook sociopath, and I'm not saying this to be colorful. She has a severe personality disorder. She makes Gone Girl look like an inbred yokel. She's extremely smart and extremely dangerous and has no problem abusing her power to entertain herself. Anyway, so this is where I'm at. I feel like when she's around I no longer love my partner. He just turns into this horrific person when she's around. I can always tell. He's no longer the person I am in love with. And the more he continues to do this, the more I'm wanting to look outside the relationship as well for an emotional connection, because I'm just not getting it from him when she's around. She's like a vampire who sucks all of the goodness out of people. Anyway... thanks for reading my rant. Maybe next time I'll talk about the other ex he can't seem to let go of either. Lol PS Oh and just so I'm clear on this point, he 110% denies having any contact with any other women. He claims he hasn't cheated and wouldn't cheat on me. So, that's the other issue: the constant gaslighting.
  10. My girlfriend's coworker is starting to worry me. Their offices are right next to each other so they talk everyday. Apparently, they also talk through the wall without even having to leave their own offices. People at work have mistakenly thought that they were together or joked about something more going on between them. They are friends outside of work and I am ok with that. I am not overly possessive or anything. However, I've only met the guy once at a work event. They hang out outside of work from time to time. I know they've gone hiking a couple of times with another coworker or go out to eat. I believe they've only gotten dinner together once outside of work with just the 2 of them. That bothered me but it only happened one time. However, they get lunch at work with just the 2 of them fairly often. My girlfriend even lets him taste her drink from her straw and he does the same. She said that it is only friendly and that she shares her drinks with her friends too. But she also does it with me and I'm her boyfriend! Me and my girlfriend go out every weekend so it's not like she's neglecting me. We always have a great time when we're together. However, I get the nagging feeling that she's having an emotional affair with her coworker. Am I just overreacting or is there something going on with them?
  11. So if you've been following my story, you know that I've been emotionally cheated on multiple times in my marriage. The last time was a couple years ago. I really, really want to get over this, and put this behind me, but I'm having a hard time. I fully understand that by not divorcing her by now, that is de facto permission to cheat again, as she will surely believe that I will never leave her over this. This time, however, is different. Unlike before, I am seeing a pattern to the whole thing. I can even predict how long it is likely to take before she does it again. Probably 3 years from now or less. I can't say how I will feel in 3 years, but at this very moment I am very certain that if she does it again I will divorce her. I'm not getting any younger, and neither is she, and I'm too old for this s___. (I'm in my mid-fourties). Do you think I should just file this factoid away in the back of my mind, hope I'm wrong, and move on? Or should I point blank tell her one more time, ever, and we're done?
  12. Hi, I am in a relationship with my boyfriend since a year and a half. About 6 months ago, I found out about a girl my boyfriend was working with. He had never told me about her but when he did he was blushing. I reflected this and said well you must find her cute you’re blushing! (That never ever usually happens with him, he seems to be very able to maintain a friendship with a women and not see women as sexual objects). He said that he did find her cute. I had an off feeling (because of his non verbal expressions) and asked him to tell me more. He was very evasive with answering my questions. For instance, I had to ask about 4-5 times «how often would you take your breaks with her at work?» before he gave me the answer (which was about 70-80% of work days). I was upset and mentioned that I didn’t have a good feeling at all (I am not jealous about his other girl friends) and he reacted defensively. I said I had the impression he could picture himself with that women (in a relationship) and instead of saying yes or no, he answered, after a long pause, that he was feeling good with her and that she was a great person. I had to reflect again and again how bad that sounded to my hears, and he would repeat : I feel good with her and she is a very nice person. I took again 5-6 times for him to finally say no I would not picture myself with her. Today, he denies that ihim saying that ever happened. At the time, He was defending it was just a regular friendship, that I was the one who was not trusting, etc. It is important to note that we met while he was in a relationship, and he was lying to himself and his girlfriend at the time, firmly believing I was just a friend. And yet he ended up leaving her for me. He would say that he’s not a guy like that and he was afraid it would impact my trust towards him. Well it did and I felt the pattern was repeating itself. When he told me about that women, he would call her a friend (he doesn’t call many people that) although he never spoke to me about her before. He was also discussing our relationship issues with her. After days of being angry/defensive with me and denying everything, he eventually said he would stop seeing her and mentioned that he understood and that this was for the best. Which brings me to now. He went back to an old job and it so turns out that she is in his team. He announced it to me over the phone, very casually and changed subject after. I was very upset. Now he says that he stopped seeing her because of my insecurities and he has absolutely no recognition about the fact that his behaviour wasn’t cool. He says he’s going to keep a «collègue» relationship and not go and ask her to take breaks with him alone. That there’s not more he can do. He reels me all that while being very cold and defensive in my opinion. I said to him that to me this feels horrible, because I felt he had a start of an emotional affair with that women and now he sees her everyday. And our relationship is in very bad shape right now, regardless of this situation. I feel like this just gave a huge cut in the little hope and strength I had left for us. I am seeking your advice because I am so lost. I feel like I am legitimate to feel this way, but am I crazy? When he talks I feel like he thinks I’m the problem. But thats not what I feel and believe. Also, what do I do about this work situation? I feel like it’s torture within me. I couldn’t ask him to leave his job but I also can’t stand the situation. What do I do? I feel that if he was to a knowledge the situation, and be sensitive to my feelings about it, I would have less trouble dealing with it. Thanks and sorry for the long text.
  13. So I guess I just need someone to talk to. Just going crazy with my thoughts! 5 months ago my husband did something stupid. He took a steroid called Tren. This is the worst of the worst. Called divorce in a bottle. After the tren kicked in he got angry and paranoid. He didn’t even really seem like he liked me much. Which is not normal for him. We have been together for 15 years now. A girl at his work gave him her phone number if he needed to talk. She has a boyfriend. He started texting her. He said they were just friends and he needed someone to else to talk to. They texted everyday for 2 weeks. One day I asked him who is was taking to and he told me he had a friend. He didn’t try to hide it. I was pissed. I made his stop talking to her. He did and told me he was going to stop the tren and he did. Everything went back to normal once the tren wore off. Now he is loving again and is always doing nice things for me. When I asked him to stop he decided to send her a text letting her know they can be friends but can’t text anymore. Stupid me told him to delete her contact. He deleted the messages too and the last message he sent her telling her they can’t text. So, I didn’t get to see it. After he sent it he left his phone out not hiding it. She texted back. All the message said was “I told you to be honest with her in the first place, have a good weekend. That was it. Do you think that meant he was just friends with her? I have been yelling at him for 5 months now and it’s really hard on us all. I am just so mad. In the last five months since he stopped the texting which lasted a little over 2 weeks in total. They had to communicate a couple times a day. He swears there was nothing going on and I know it was not physical as he came home every day after work and stayed home in the weekends.He has done everything he can to make this better but I am mad. He even went to the tattoo place and got my name tattooed on his ring finger. We both know he shouldn’t have taken the drugs and he wouldnt for sure if it was the drugs that made him want to talk to someone other than me. He said he isn’t sure. But now he says it must have been cause he doesnt want anyone to talk to anymore. So not sure. He knows it was wrong but should I give up 15 years of marriage order this? He will never take the drugs again and has never done anything like this before. Sorry for the huge post just looking for some advice on how to get over this and whether or not you would consider this an emotional affair or leave it as a short friendship and move on...
  14. Recorded with an mp3-player, so please excuse the quality! BEAUTIFUL link removed (Verse 1) I know you have this theory that if you just shove things Under the carpet, they will not emerge No, they just lay there and linger I can't even explain how I'm wrapped round their finger And you, don't you ever feel the need to f***ing talk 'Cause let me tell you, I sure do And you, don't you ever wonder why You put me through the cruel things that you put me through (Hook 1) But I am not a saint 'Cause all these thoughts running through my brain Need an outlet (Chorus) And every time he calls me beautiful I feel beautiful I feel beautiful But isn't also quite so pitiful That I feel beautiful Only when you're far and gone (Verse 2) I know you have this theory that if you can't explain Any of your actions, then you cannot be blamed No, just because you're stupid Doesn't mean in any way that you can excuse it And you, don't you ever wonder if I'm still bitter Well, let me say, you've got no f***ing clue And you, don't you ever wonder what I'm thinking 'bout When I am silent, if you only knew (Hook 2) But I am not a w**** It's just not the same anymore I need an outlet (Chorus) (Hook 3) But I am not in love With him, he's just someone Who's become my outlet My outlet (about my very troublesome last relationship, and the emotional affair which ensued between me and my boss whilst still in the relationship)
  15. My girlfriend of 7 months who is 8yrs older than me have split up because I caught her Whatsapping a guy who she met on a dating website (where we met each other) recently and what turned from friendly chat, became sexting. It turns out she has saved his number all this time (why I don't know) as she says she is just 'friends' with him. I'd noticed his name in her phone months ago when she asked me to check her doctors surgery number and I asked who he was and she said that it was someone she )used to go to school with (which is a blatant lie!) She texted him first last week asking how he was and he replied saying fine etc which seemed innocent at first. Then he said that he had always wanted her and wanted to 'f*ck her so much'. She replied do you actually and how much do you want me? He knew she was with me because of her Whatsapp profile photo of the two of us. This sort of talk went on for a bit until he said 'do you want me?' and she replied 'just sex?' He said yeah, then she said to him 'can't rush it just now' and then he said so when are we gonna do it and she said 'not straight away.' I only unlocked her phone because I had a feeling/suspician that she was texting someone behind my back due to her Whatsapp last seen times changing very frequently (when she hardly used it prior to this other than to text me.) If I hadn't had unlocked her phone (which I know was wrong) then I don't think she would ever have told me that she was texting this guy. I caught her and she kept saying that I have crossed a line by doing this......a bit hypocritical since she first engaged in flirty/sexual texting and essentially emotionally cheated on me behind my back! She has said that I have betrayed her trust, which yes I have, but she in turn has done the same to me because she betrayed me first. I told her we are done and she didn't seem too bothered actually. Yes, things haven't been great between us, but we have got past rocky patches in the relationship. Do you think I am wrong to have looked at her phone or was she wrong to have an emotional affair behind my back?
  16. I can't sort through this. It's been two years and I feel stuck. I was engaged to a drunk, not abusive just obnoxious and grumpy while drunk. Well I got a new job and met a guy, we'll call him Jason. Jason and I had intense immediate chemistry. I left the drunk, Jeff, for Jason and have been with Jason for almost two years now and we just had a baby, unplanned but I wouldn't change a thing! I can't stand Jason anymore. He has a short fuse and blames me for all of his shortcomings. I can't even talk to him without carefully selecting my words so I don't anger him. Walking on eggshells is an understatement. We have good days but they feel few and far in between. Our daughter is almost two months old and I stay for her. He bought a house and we live with him currently, he needs my help with the bills so I feel also stuck because of this. I miss Jeff deeply. He's sworn off drinking to get me back, he wants to fall in love with my daughter and help raise her as a family, he was and is truly an amazing guy I think I just ran out when things got tough when I should've fought. I haven't physically cheated, not something I could ever do, but my heart is still with Jeff. Jeff is still hanging on. I'm nervous about going back but I definitely want to. I want to give it another shot. I try to fix things with Jason but he just acts like nothing's wrong, gets defensive, or listens but doesn't fix anything, and manipulates everything into being my fault. He's a mess and can barely take care of himself, I do everything. I'm exhausted. Emotionally drained by this childish man. But he seems like he'd fall apart without me.. and I don't want to take his daughter away. I'd never keep her away, he just works a lot and weird hours so it'd be hard for him to visit often. I feel like I owe it to her to stay. But my ex, Jeff, is at his wits end and is close to giving up on me. Can you guys help me sort my head out? 🙁
  17. My husband has several hundred photos on his phone of other women, some dressed, some very explicit and several videos. He tries to hide it from me but I'm not an idiot and know what he's doing and I hate it but he see's nothing wrong with it. What also makes it even worse is that they are all young and blonde, mainly, and quite attractive. To me this is emotional cheating and I don't think I can stay with someone who is more interested in a picture than his wife.
  18. Hi. I've (Adam) been dating my girlfriend (Susie) for about 4 years. We've had ups and downs in the relationship, but for the last few months things have been well. Have even discussed marriage and those sorts of things. Here's my problem. Since Spring of last year, I got a message from an old friend (Lisa), who was reaching out because of some issues in her relationship she was having. It was actually all fine and what not, and I was transparent with Susie that I was talking with her. However, over a couple months time, we started talking more and more about intimate things. I stopped telling Susie that I was talking with Lisa, and I found myself disclosing to Lisa personal relationship mishaps I was having with Susie. Also at this time, me and Susie looked like our relationship was in dire straits and a break up looked to be imminent. However, after a month or so, Susie and I persevered and we continued dating. But Lisa and I did not stop talking. Sometimes there would be periods where we wouldn't talk for a month or so, but sometimes we would have bouts where we talked about personal things for a few days. Often I've noticed, that when I don't feel emotionally satisfied by Susie, I would turn to Lisa who seemed to satisfy my emotional needs. It started to devolve into winky faces and flirting. This was wrong and messed up, I know that. And I know I've done bad things. You don't have to tell me twice. In total, the deceit stuff has continued with Lisa for about just over a year. I've hid my messages and have not brought it up to Susie. To some extent, it's *still* happening because I've done it so much I've gotten used to it. It's like I've already messed up everything so much, it doesn't matter anymore at this point. Note that I have not physically cheated. I *want* to tell Susie the truth and lay it all out. But, I'm afraid I will break her. Or she will turn to maybe suicidal things. She doesn't have a lot of support in her life and considers me the person she can rely on the most. She also has been cheated on before yet 100% trusts me and never checks my phone or has any suspicions (which makes it all the worse). She also had been suicidal in the distant past. I feel like I would crush her regardless of what happens to our relationship. Part of me thinks that If she's capable of suicide, then I can't tell her what has happened. But at the same time, I feel like a deceitful person all the time. As far as what I want, I wonder why I did all this emotional cheating. I've never done this before in any previous relationship, and it makes me think that maybe something is missing from Susie and I's relationship. Perhaps it's something we needed to talk about more before I went off to rely on Lisa. I don't really know at this point. I just want to clear my conscience, but without destroying Susie. How do I do this? Tldr: I've emotionally cheated on my long term girlfriend, who isn't very stable. I don't know how to tell her the truth without completely destroying her....
  19. Hi. Me [22] and my gf [22] (now ex) were together for 4 years. During the last 2 years, she met a guy through a mutual friend. Soon they became best friends and used to hang out occasionally. It was surprising that some other guy became her best friend because I should be her best friend, isn't it? I always considered her my best friend. I didn't like it but didn't want to control her so went with that - I trusted her. Though I still used to get irritated by that sometimes - but she ALWAYS assured me that they are only friends and that she can never fall for a guy like him and that he's not her type. During the last year of our relationship, things started to go downhill (constant fights, arguments, etc) - and one day she came and told me that she is in love with that dude and that they both have ALREADY confessed about their feelings for each other over the phone (nothing physical though). I'll admit that I was not the best boyfriend you'll see but I was not too bad either. She blamed me that the reason she fell for him is because I didn't love her enough. And then she broke up with me. I am still heartbroken. I feel sad that she didn't choose to tell me about her feelings for the other guy BEFORE confessing it to him - is it wrong to feel like that? What she did was really cheating or I deserved that for not being a better boyfriend? Please help... P.S. - Pardon my English, I'm not a native.
  20. I have been living with my girlfriend for nearly 10 years. Things changed a few years ago when she received a promotion at work and a new boss. However I had a gut feeling something wasn’t right after a while. I confronted her and she admitted they embraced at a party but nothing happened. Roll on a few years and i have recently had the same gut feeling something wasnt right as she was acting very odd during phone conversations with her boss when I walked in. I tend to use her computer all the time and noticed in the sms panel at the side there was a message open from her boss with kisses. I know I shouldn’t look into peoples messages however when your gut tells you something isn’t right you need the evidence to back it up. Sure enough I found a whole bunch of chit chat messages to each other indicating they were more than just colleagues. Such lines as: - (HIM "what would he say if you said you fancied someone else?", HER - "I think our relationship would have to be based on honesty, especially after all we went through") - (HIM - I love u, and you kinda like me, so lets see where it goes, i will work hard trying to make you love me again) - When we were visiting her family abroad with my parents, (HIM "Hows your holiday?" HER - "You will come next year :)) - HIM “Lets go for a romantic weekend, seriously, I would love to lie in bed with you”. - And generally her putting me down. So either they are in an affair or planning to. its emotional cheating at the very least. The very sad thing he is also married with kids so clearly not a good man. I confronted her about this and told her I’m ending things, I mean how can this possibly go on? I asked her outright whether anything physical has happened and she said no. Then deflected everything back on to me saying it was my fault, he’s paying her more attention and she gets on better with him. So there goes the love of my life who I wanted to marry and have children with, either soaking up attention or planning to get together if not already together with her MARRIED boss. I’m feeling of letting their company HR dept at work know, although I don’t want to come across bitter, but professionally! Where to from here...?
  21. Hi everyone recently I had made a post about my gf having an emotional affair (flirty texts, pictures, future plans) after her being caught she begged and tried to change everything to make me not worry again. I decided to give her a second chance as I believe in them,however I’ve noticed something particular. It’s almost like she is more worried that I’m going to cheat on her now. She questions everything and is very insecure about what I’m doing on my phone, where I’m going etc. If I bring up anything to do with her she gets mad and says I can’t use it against her forever... well I wasn’t the one who cheated so who should really be under the microscope here? I was wondering what brings these emotions out after the cheater has been caught? So before they were caught it didn’t really matter what I was doing because she was wanting to escape the room to be in her other “relationship”
  22. In the past I have caught him making lewd comments on other girls posts. Women who follow him on Instagram and women who don't. His predatorial behavior concerns me. I have also caught him emotionally cheating on me on messenger with other women. Tells her he prefers her over me. But he stayed with me instead of her. I don't know why. He tells me he won't let me see the messages in fear that I will "misunderstand" them.
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