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  1. I'm hoping someone here can offer a bit of advice. My husband and I have been married 4 years and things were going pretty well until a few months ago. We've always been quite "open" in our relationship and before we got married we occasionally saw other people for casual sex (in my case of both genders) and it was fine, it was kind of our mutual agreement that we would be honest about it rather than cheat. When we got engaged we made a vow to no longer have sex with other people, not because of any religious beliefs (we are both atheists) but because it felt right to make that promise to each other. We stuck to our resolve throughout our engagement, which lasted about a year, then for the first couple of years of marriage we were both content enough. I've always known he watched porn and masturbated but I was fine with that, I do it too. But from about two years ago, soon after we discovered we couldn't have kids and made the decision not to go down either the IVF or the adoption route, he started to spend more and more time by himself, masturbating pretty much every night (he never made any effort to cover his tracks and every morning I found the tissues at the top of the waste paper basket in his study - even without picking them up, the smell was always unmistakable - sorry about the detail!) In the end I decided to confront him about it. At first he was really defensive, but in the end he admitted that he was finding himself thinking more and more about other women. He didn't want to cheat on me, but at the same time he couldn't stop fantasising about doing things with certain women he knew. He told me one of his work colleagues had been flirting with him and he was finding it really hard not to return her attention. I should have been angry with him, but I wasn't - mainly because hearing him say these things made me realise I'd been doing the exact same thing. When I masturbated (which wasn't every day, but certainly often enough) I never thought about him, it was always about other people I knew, mainly guys but sometimes women too. It made me wonder if maybe we should try to be more like we used to be before we got married: give each other some freedom, which always seemed to make us appreciate each other more. On impulse, I asked him how he'd feel about giving each other a hall pass. "Just a one-off" I said, to spice things up a bit and bring some excitement back into our sex life. I thought he'd jump at the chance but in fact we was really reluctant. He kept saying he wasn't sure if he really wanted to see anyone else, but I thought he just didn't like the idea of me doing it with another guy. So I said "it's your birthday next month, how about we make this a present just for you? You get the pass, I don't. I don't really need it anyway". In the end he accepted and on his birthday I actually wrote him a proper pass on nice paper, giving him permission to go with anyone he wanted, just once. I was honestly fine about it, I felt a bit jealous at the thought but I pushed the feeling back and focused on the goal of having him back to his happy, caring self. In the end he went out with that tart from his office and they had a fairly disappointing one night stand, which he told me all about. He said once they were naked he felt really self-conscious, he managed to get it up but finished things in a real rush for fear of losing his erection, then just spent ages down on her to try and make up for his poor performance. I should have felt sorry for him but I was secretly delighted that he'd had such a crap time with her and that hopefully he'd never want to see her again (she certainly wouldn't want to see him!) Well, the whole arrangement worked really well because afterwards our sex life got much better. He lavished me with attention and stopped masturbating frantically, choosing instead to come to bed with me almost every night. We didn't always have sex, but we cuddled a lot and we sometimes masturbated next to each other, which we hadn't done since before marriage (it might sound weird but we both love it, we try to cum together and we kiss the whole time). Then my birthday came, and to my utter shock he wrote me a hall pass of his own. I genuinely hadn't expected it and I was even more surprised because things had been better between us and I didn't think he'd want to rock the boat. He said he hadn't felt right since he'd been with that girl from the office, he felt like things were uneven between us and the only way to make everything balanced and fair again was for me to have my own night of fun. I must confess, my mouth was saying "I really don't need it" and "Are you sure about this?" but inside I was more excited than I'd been in years. Even as I said to him "Well, I'll think about it" my mind was already racing, going "Who could I sleep with? That guy from work I've fancied for ages? My ex-girlfriend who's now single again and keeps asking me out for coffee? Maybe a complete stranger I pick up at a bar?" In the end, it just happened by itself. This was about a month after he gave me the pass. I was at a weekend retreat organised by my firm - I usually hate them but this time the place was actually gorgeous - and I ended up in that guy's room, emptying his minibar and then ordering room service. This had happened with him before, at the previous retreat, only when he'd tried to kiss me I'd pushed him away and I'd told him I wasn't "that kind of woman", whatever that means. Well, this time I had my hall pass and I very much became that kind of woman. To be brutally honest with myself, I'd known all along that this was going to happen and I'd gone away fully planning in my head to act out what had already happened countless times in my fantasies. My husband had actually reminded me of my hall pass before I left (as if I could have forgotten it!) and I told him "There won't be anyone there I fancy, but who knows?" I still don't know why I didn't just tell him I was planning on spending my pass with that guy. I guess I just wanted the excitement of doing something illicit, rather than something my husband was expecting. Anyway, the poor guy didn't know what hit him. I was a woman possessed! After returning his first kiss I threw him down, practically ripped his clothes off and proceeded to live out three years worth of sexual fantasies in about three hours. To his credit, he kept up with me, just about, but he told me afterwards (not straight afterwards, weeks later) that I'd kind of scared him with how ravenous I was. I slept in his bed and the next morning we did it again, then had to go to some stupid team-building activity. Half way through it I felt the irresistible urge to do it again, so like a naughty teenager I gave him a piece of paper with the message "meet me in my room in 5 min." and slipped out of the activity. He followed me 5 minutes later and we spend the rest of the day and most of the night in my room, having sex and ordering room service. By the end I didn't know if I was more drunk from the alcohol or from the sex, but I had the time of my life. As I drove back home to my husband the next day, I was terrified. I knew I had to tell him, but I was so scared that he would be able to tell just how much I'd enjoyed my pass. That he'd somehow smell it on me, even though I'd had the longest shower of my life before leaving the hotel. I decided the only way to make myself do it was to say something before I got there, so I stopped the car and I texted him the message "On my way home baby. I spent the pass btw. I'll tell you all about it when I get there. Love you loads x" It was so hard to press that send button, my heart was racing, but I managed to do it. From that moment on, I knew there was no going back. He was waiting for me at the door, we hugged and kissed and straight away he wanted to know all about what had happened. I must confess I didn't tell the whole story, I majorly played down how good the sex had been, also in view of the fact that his own pass had been such a disappointment. Plus I didn't want to sound like a total ... I only talked about the first night and never mentioned the morning, or the next evening. I also told him it had lasted about an hour, when in fact the first night had lasted nearly three. I didn't mention swallowing him, which I'd done both nights, nor was I honest about the intensity of the pleasure I'd felt, choosing instead to make fun of the guy's super-thin legs (which in fact aren't even that skinny). I thought I'd better mention the anal sex, in case something about my butt hole "gave it away", but I told him the guy had insisted on doing it and said I'd found it quite uncomfortable and made him stop straight away. In reality, I'd asked for it and loved every minute. Even with this heavily censored version of events, I could read the jealousy and pain in my husband's eyes, despite the fact that he kept trying to cover them up by saying things like "wow, that sounds amazing" and "good for you baby". We kissed again afterwards and he said "there you go, now we're even. And you know what? It just confirms what we already knew: that we are what's best for each other and there's no one else out there who's worth the trouble". I smiled and said "You're right" but inside my heart sank, because I didn't feel like I wanted it to end there. I wanted more passes... For weeks afterwards, I kept hoping things would settle again, that we'd go back into a normal routine. Then Covid happened, and "normal" went out of the window forever. We went into lockdown and ended up spending every hour of every day with each other, week after week. It should have been nice, but it wasn't. I kept thinking about the other guy and every other man and woman I now wanted to sleep with. I felt like I'd just rediscovered my sexuality and sex with my husband (though we still did it) just wasn't filling that void, quenching that thirst. So, when lockdown finally ended and I returned to work, I invited that guy out for coffee, then went back to his place and we had sex again. But this time I didn't tell my husband. I'd just become another cheating wife. And it hasn't stopped, I've slept with three other people since, two guys and one girl (not at the same time, I should point out!) I feel so disappointed with myself. I can't bring myself to confess because I know he'll hate me for it, not just for the sex but for hiding it from him. It's such a disgusting betrayal and he doesn't deserve it. But I'm finding myself needing these extra-marital experiences like I need air. I'm not sure what type of advice I'm looking for, but please don't tell me we need marriage counselling. The thought of sitting in front of a stranger and telling him all about our private life... it's just not for us, I know my husband would feel the same. What I'm asking myself is: do I really need to confess, or is it possible to learn to cope with the guilt and actually lead a fulfilled life as an unfaithful spouse? I know plenty of people who do, I just don't know if I can.
  2. I started this to write down my dreams... which lately have been pretty interesting. A few weeks ago I dreamed that an ex of mine died. I figured that was maybe my way of symbolically being over him, even in the subconscious realm. But then the other night I dreamed that he was engaged to someone. Then we come to last night... I was alone in the house I grew up in. I don't live there now, so it was strange that I even was there. But I was there all by myself, and he stopped over. It was raining really hard outside so I let him in to get out of that. There was a 12 pack in the fridge and him and I was sitting in the kitchen drinking and talking. I remember thinking maybe the two of us alone together and drinking isn't a good idea. But my dream self didn't seem to care much. I was telling him about how my first grade teacher was really mean to me and she used to pull my hair. (and this is true, my first grade teacher actually use to do that.) She used to grab the really sensitive hair at the nape of my neck and just pull really hard. I reached over and grabbed his hair the way she used to grab mine, but I didn't pull it, I was just trying to show him. And he turned his face toward me and we kissed. It was just a short kiss at first but then we started kissing pretty passionately. I let this go on pretty long before I stopped. When I stopped kissing him he asked if I wanted to go upstairs. I told him no, we can't be doing this, and I think he probably should leave. He apologized and left. And then I remember sitting there with my laptop really upset and feeling really guilty. I was trying to get ahold of my boyfriend to tell him what I just did. But the computer wasn't working right. I was also debating with myself about if I even should tell him at all. It was just kissing, it's not like we had sex or anything... But I figured I should fess up and tell him and I was really scared to. Then, when I was waking up and realizing this was just a dream, I remember thinking "Man... if I would have realized this earlier on in the dream I would have just let him take me upstairs." I know that's probably not healthy, lol. But I won't deny still feeling sexual attraction for this man. So... that was pretty interesting.
  3. Maybe Im the only one here but I have realized over the years (I'm 23) if/when I have casual sex with someone that I don't like enough to be in a relationship with I dont like kissing her. I just feel like sometimes passionate kissing during sex should be saved for a person that you are emotionally attached to/care for/love if that makes any sense. I know it sounds weird; putting the carriage before the horse so to speak; but it happens! Maybe it's a guy thing??!!! Anyhow, I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same way or have had similar experiences??
  4. I'm not really sure where to even begin, but I think I'm starting to get a drinking problem. I don't drink every day and I don't crave it, but I do go out for drinks at least once a week. See the thing is, I don't just have a few drinks. I drink so much that I am not in control of my actions and I do really stupid . It's like I just don't know when to stop and the amount of alcohol that I actually consume is ridiculously high and whenever I'm really drunk I always intentionally make bad decisions, especially with boys. I sleep around and I have gotten with people that I'm not even into at all which I would NEVER do if I was sober. It's like I turn into a completely different person and intentionally sabotage my own life. It's a lot for my friends to put up with too, I have almost ruined friendships in the past for the stupid things that I do when I am drunk. It's like I don't even consider their feelings which is nothing like how I actually am because my friends mean the world to me and I would do anything for them and would NEVER want to hurt or make anyone upset. Then I feel horrible the next day, not only with a hangover but with crippling anxiety because of the things that I did the night before. Even if I have a good night and didn't do anything stupid I still have anxiety the next day and don't even want to leave my bed.. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm not in control of myself because no matter how much I try to talk myself out of it I still go. And I can't go and not drink at all because then I feel like I can't have fun because I feel anxious in social situations and don't know what to talk about with people when I'm sober unless I'm really close with them.... If I don't stop soon I'm going to ruin my life. Problem number 2; a lot of the time I drink, I sleep around and/or kiss different boys. Sometimes even with guys that I'm not into at all and don't really want to but do it anyway. I've been single for about 4 years now and my last relationship was definitely not ideal and I was in a really really bad place when we were together. Now I struggle to connect with boys on an emotional level, but I still can get lonely and crave affection. It's like I get the affection that I need from these boys, it's literally like I do it just because I know I'm going to get kisses and cuddled all night... It's kind of pathetic. And even if I see these guys a few times and spend the entire day with them and hang out with them on other occasions, I never open up about myself. It's like I'm unintentionally holding back my personality to prevent becoming emotionally connected to them and them to me. I honestly feel like no matter how much time I spend with a guy in that way, they never actually end up getting to know me. And then I feel really ty about it afterwards when I get home, sometimes weeks because I feel cheap. This also gives me really bad anxiety and sometimes even panic attacks because I know that everyone would talk about me and let's be honest it's probably why so many of them are interested. Even when I KNOW I'm being sweet talked and it's all bull, it still makes me feel good. It's like I feed off it and I HATE it because I think so logically and I KNOW it's wrong. And even if I ever did learn to open up to a boy and let my guard down, they would probably never want me in that way because of my promiscuity. And the fact that I have sex with them straight away (I've heard that people have called me easy in the past) would also probably rule me out as girlfriend material 100%. Idk what to do
  5. After a few weeks into the dreaded online dating world I actually had a date who didn’t ghost day of, which was refreshing. Also, I think she looked better in person so I was pleasantly surprised. We met up and had a couple drinks and talked and laughed and did karaoke for almost 6 hours. Time really flew by and we seemed to get along really well. I walked her to her car at the end of the night and we hugged and I went for the kiss, maybe shouldn’t have. She give a really quick peck but felt like it was mostly me. Got in her car and left but seemed to be smiling and happy. Must’ve read that all wrong. I asked her to let me know when she arrived home and she did. Told her I had so much fun and that I’d love to see her again. She thanked me for a fun evening and said for sure we should do it again sometime soon. Part of me wanted to let her reach out after that, but seemed disingenuous and if I liked her and wanted to go out again I shouldn’t wait or play games. The following afternoon I reached out and asked her if she was free Tuesday night (which was my next convenient day) and waiting for what felt like forever! It was only an hour or so and she replied and we exchanged the hows your Sunday, etc, then she actually said Tuesday should work for her and we set up a second date. Super excited, still early on so I’m not surprised to not get many texts in between dates. I just wanted to post and maybe have someone tell me it’s all good because it’s been a good while since I’ve met someone and been really smitten. Seconds dates seem harder because now you’re truly getting to know more about the person so seems like more is at stake. Surely, if she agrees to second date then she must have some level of interest despite not being very receptive to a goodnight kiss, perhaps she wasn’t ready for that which I understand. Really just wanted to share and would love any advice.
  6. Hi, As the title says, can anyone tell me what fx means when put at the end of a text message? I assume that the x represents a kiss but what does the f before it mean? I have never seen this used before and have no idea what it means and it is bugging me! please help! Thanks
  7. I don't understand. I am hurt, yes. Why do they do that? I don't understand men. I went and got involved emotionally. I have crushed on a man for awhile. It is a coworker. I know I sound like I'm 17. I'm not talking about overt flirting or anything. When we were in the office, I did catch a vibe, but I also got mixed signals...there seemed to be attraction, then not...I think all of us can relate to that. Things advanced. We started texting outside work. It turns out this "vibe" was accurate. I was pretty excited and happy about it. Yes, I know, work relationships are not the best idea. I have posted as much on many occasions on the board. I understand the risks. I think that given we are coworkers, I allowed myself to believe that this situation would not be a "player" situation and that crossing over that professional line meant this would be something that was more serious. It turned out to be about the same as many of my online dating experiences...lots of talk, not a lot of action. No meet, no text....I failed my own advice. I guess because I thought this situation was different. Why? Why do they do this? I am just so lost on this! Why do men pursue, make it seem like they want something serious, but they never have the time to actually meet? They talk a lot about meeting..."I can't wait until..." and the day never comes. Umm, a little hint, you actually have to meet in person if you want the kissing, touching, etc. He seemed interested in me genuinely. He seemed to want to pursue something serious, long-term. As we were texting, I couldn't nail him down on meeting. He accelerated to intimate discussion (nothing raunchy), and let's circle back to the above sentence -- we actually have to meet in person if we're going to kiss, touch, sex. The thing is, why pursue talking with me, pursue dating me, move into intimate discussions with me if you don't have the time and you are not available? WHY? Why?? What is going on? When I am interested in someone, I make the time. Maybe to a fault. I don't want to lose that momentum. These guys? They talk the talk and make it seem like they really like you, want to be with you, get to know you more...but they don't have the time. Too busy. Not available until "later", and when is "later?" "Later" never comes. Why do they do this? WHY?? Why do they actively pursue a relationship if they do not have time to actually pursue a relationship? Why aren't they more excited about getting together in person, like I am? So I'm hurt. I don't understand why this man actively pursued me, but he had no time. I don't understand why he moved into more intimate discussions when he didn't have the time to actually meet with me in person. I just don't get it. This post is a vent and not so much seeking advice, though I am happy hear your responses. I'm mostly kicking myself right now for not following my own advice and getting lost in the idea of a good relationship, thinking because we know each other in person, he wouldn't be a jerk. Maybe some men could chime in and tell me why you do this. Why do you pursue someone when you do not have the time?
  8. So i've recently met a girl who i currently have strong feelings for. Lets call her N. She's my sister's classmate at university and i've seen her around for a little over a year but hardly ever talked etc as i had a gf then.. but since then ive become single. So anyway.. this all began about a month ago. My sister invited her to my bday party. I added her on FB and we began to hit it off. She would drive everyday to our office (where i work) every single day for 2 weeks even though she hated driving and just hung out with my sister studying or whatnot in my sisters room while i work. Messaging pretty much 24 hrs a day on FB - instant responses from her. Then day 2 of chatting, my sister told me she had a online bf (overseas) but told me that N likes me. I called her out on this and told her that i dont date girls with boyfriends and ended our conversation. She was upset and a day later, she messaged me to tell me that she had broken things off with him as it wasnt going to work out anyway due to distance. So then came out first date, dinner & movie. After the movie i asked if she wanted to go home, she declined so i took that as a sign. We went for a night walk up a mountain, i grabbed her hands and she held her arms around me. I then kissed her and she kissed me back. However she told me she wanted to takes thing slow.. real slow. We ended up going for more dates after, kissing everytime she came around and eventually met and had dinner with her grandma etc. No sex was involved although i did try to push it a little. Maybe this was my mistake. She has always asked for me to move slow and i was more than willing to but when she says things like "if you do meet someone else who has something i dont, then go for it". I asked her "so you want this to be a casual thing? and i could go out and bang another chick while still doing this with you?". She said no, if she knew, she would end this. This made me even more confused. About two weeks ago, she said " i think we should end this, everything is messed up, im sorry, you deserve someone who knows what they want. We can still talk whenever though". I told her i respected her decision and accepted it but wondered why this is. She said because we dont see things eye to eye (pace of the relationship) and therefore not suited for one another even though she previously acknowledged that we got along great and she likes spending time with me. I sent her a fb message maybe about 5 days of NC to tell her how i felt, that i was gutted how i may have ruin things by moving things to fast and also apologising that i may have made her felt uncomfortable at times. I said this because i found out previously, that she was complaining to my sister that i had "force" myself onto her in which i called her out on it and asked her if kissing her really made her feel uncomfortable. She said it didnt make her uncomfortable but "there was too much of it". She told me previously that it took her 6 months to kiss her last boyfriend (not the online bf cos shes never met him). After i've sent the final message last tuesday, she hasnt talked to me at all maybe due to exams and has not visited our office since. I do really miss hanging out with her but i know it might be all over for her. Im just really shocked from how she went from being into me (like a crush) to like nothing in such a short time. i know two weeks is short and i will continue to do NC but i know it will be inevitable we will see each other quite soon. Any advice would be appreciated.
  9. My wife recently admitted to me about her kissing another man. The guy she kissed they knew each other growing up. They started talking through Facebook and turned into a every day thing checking up on one another. She went out with some friends girls night out. They were at a bar and happened to see him there. Her fiend left and she stuck around and hung out with him. As they were saying good bye he kissed her and she didn’t stop him. She explained it was a quick peck on the lips. The next day she change her number and deactivated her Facebook and never spoke to him again. What should I make of this situation?
  10. If this is in the wrong forum please move it to the correct one Okay so first let me say I know nobody is psychic and nobody can tell anyone why someone is doing what they are doing or anything close to that. I sometimes have trouble understanding simple things and I think this is a case of that and I would like to apologize in advance if this does come off confusing I am trying to fit a couple of weeks into a small amount of text so I don't drone on about it. I have been getting to know someone I have known for 13 years more personally, before this I had not seen her in 8 years and when we caught up we clicked and vibed as we always had. She over the last 13 years has had quite toxic relationships which have gone horrifically for her. DV, manipulation, cheating on her, etc. She explained to me that she had been single the last 5 years and was ready to spend her life alone and then I come along and knock all her walls down and she wants to see where this goes as shes never had any feelings like this before with anyone. So things were becoming quite intense between us over about a month, one night she mentioned something to me which triggered me and set me off on a rant.. not an abusive one just a frustrated one (i was frustrated I couldn't get what I wanted to say out properly and kept going on and on) and I believed I had triggered her. Due to all the restrictions in relation too Covid-19 we were not seeing each other 1on1 much. But there were certain things like "good morning (kiss face here)" and "good night (kissy face) here" "I miss you" "I miss your voice" "call me" a picture of what she was doing with her day, a gif of a sunrise on a beach with a campfire "cant wait to do this with you", a picture of the sunrise on her morning walks and sunset at her house. Things like this were an everyday occurrence when we were not with each other. The following day it all went to she didn't speak to me for a couple of days and I didn't get to see her. I had to go away pretty much straight after that for work and am still away for work for a couple of weeks. and what I have noticed is that the good mornings have pretty much disappeared sometimes I get "good morning :)" I haven't gotten a good night since that day I went on my frustrated rant. I've gotten an "I miss your voice" maybe once and that was recently and occasionally maybe three times I've gotten a picture of her morning or evening or even when we are talking on the phone and she has to put her kids in line, she will put the phone down and tell me "I don't like you to hearing me cranky" We have spoken about this and she explained to me that my rant was a massive pull back to reality for her and that she really let her emotions and her intensity take over and that the way she is seeing it now is it is not reasonable for her to be feeling and saying the things she has been saying and that there is no denying the feelings are there but she just needs to slow down and chill and that she does care about me and still wants to see where this goes but she can't let her intensity take over. I let her know what caused my trigger that day and why I felt how I did at that moment and that it was nothing to do with her just my insecurities, she explained to me that her walls are back up and that because of her past relationships she has to be careful because going to hard too fast only gets her in trouble. We still talk every 2nd night on the phone for 3 or 4 hours at a time, pretty much fall to sleep on the phone together. I cant wait to see her when I get back, I really can't. I am fine with taking it slow and getting to know each other on the level properly as the intensity can sometimes be quite full-on, but my issue is here and I have made this available to her, in my past relationships / when I've been getting to know people... When the little things are removed like the good nights, the kisses on the cheek, the intensity this is not a good sign and has always lead to an issue whether it be a breakup or just stop talking to each other. when I explained this to her she told me she still wants to see where things go and I asked her if she doesn't can she please let me know, she agreed that she would let me know. I know that she keeps telling me that she still wants to see where it goes and that she just can't be as full-on, but I feel like she is "weening" me off of the little things and intensity to put me back to a lesser position in her life, without upsetting me. (my insecurities here also, from previous experiences) I am happy to carry on as normal but at the moment I just feel like I should be wary that I could be being played on some level. She will always be welcome in my life as a friend, partner, or even just someone I see once every 10 years. She has been through every hard moment in my life with me and always been there for me and me for most of hers so I guess I just wanna make sure I approach this with as much knowledge as possible I do feel quite immature posting this but it has bothered me even wit her reassurances for a couple of weeks since this happened originally. All I am hoping to gather is maybe some insight from someone who has been in this situation before whether it is in my place or hers, perhaps some insight on how their minds were working at the time and maybe some advice on how to approach the situation. Sorry about the confusing mess i just type it as it comes to my head.
  11. I don't know where to start. My ex-girlfriend left me a year ago after being together for 1 year. I've known her for almost 3 years though. Um and it's just been terrible. She just one day decided that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship anymore with me and texted me "I don't love you anymore and I'm breaking up with you." Before she sent this text, we hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks, I thought she needed a break so I let her just text me and not see each other. She was stressed with her school. Later, I found out she was distancing herself from me so it would be easier to leave me. She still was texting me "I love you" every night. She lied about her love for me. Like she broke up with me 1 month before our 1 year anniversary through text. She promised she wouldn't ever leave me. I still remember her looking me in my eyes and making out with my passionately when she told me. She betrayed me. It's been several months since she left and it's been severely ing with my head. Her name is common and appears everywhere and triggers my ptsd. I loved her and she loved me completely. I don't know what happened, she just said she wasn't ready for a relationship and wouldn't give me a 2nd chance even when she was ready for one. I've tried so hard but she just won't budge to start over. I ing had my 21st birthday with her and her brother at some ty restaurant for God's sake. She gave me a water bottle and ing chocolates and I still had hope for her. All the money I spent on her gifts were always pricey and she never gave anything good in return. She's a virgin and I was too and she even promised to have sex in a year and lied about that too. I ing hate her selfishness and carelessness so much but she's still somewhat beautiful and attractive god damn it. I'm having trouble with her suddenly leaving. I can't sleep, I'm constantly having ptsd flashbacks of the places we went to, the places we made out and touched each other, the time she told me she loved me and kissed me passionately. Sometimes I almost cry in public remembering the places and things we did together. We were so close to one another that we finished our sentences, spoke and wrote basically the same way; like I really don't understand why she left all of sudden. She wasn't cheating, I know that but I don't know. She was the love of my life and I've told her many times. I told her to never lie about her love to me and she did. I sometimes have nightmares about the good times we had and can't believe she's gone when I wake up in morning. I had a picture of her framed in my room of us together and I gave her one too. We were so close to each other that we would just say one word or give a look and knew exactly what eachother meant. Like I don't know what I did to be so ireedmable to her. This was a girl I thought about marrying at one point and I've told her. I think she really just wants to play around with other guys because once I told her I'm committed to her, she was shocked that someone would want to be with her in that way. I remember when we were friends, we would do many of the same things as we did when we were in a relationship just with mutual commitment. Now she's doing that "friend" thing with someone else since I last texted her this month. Like I ing hate her so much but love her at times. My mind is gone. I miss kissing her, I miss biting her body, I miss caressing her big butt and boobs. I miss her big brown eyes and caressing her hips into my hips. I miss talking to her about daily life. I miss her sitting on my lap and kissing me. I just miss her so much. I thought she knew she meant everything to me. Now I'm just depressed and have PTSD about it. I try so hard to forget her but I can't. It's constantly decaying my mind. I haven't felt love or attraction since she left me. I've been passionless and emotionally detached from most things. I can't believe she did what she did. I used to walk miles just to go see her everyday and walk her home safely. It s with me a lot that she never appreciated me enough to give me a 2nd chance. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust or love another person again. I feel mental pain constantly. People keep telling me "It's just a matter of time, move on" but I don't know if that'll solve anything. She was a special girl and one in million type. I lost her. I'm haunted by what she did and I'm constantly living in hell from the memories. I sometimes wake up at night and cry about the memories. I've told her all of this and she still won't give me a 2nd chance because "I don't think I can regain those feelings for you and I'm already kinda seeing someone else". I hate her stubbornness. She planned the breakup and I hate that she doesn't want to work with me after everything I've done for her. I hate her her ing lying god damn it. I'm shedding tears as I write this. I don't know what to do at this point I'm 23 and alone with no one to talk to. I thought she was the one. I don't know anything anymore. She just texted me one day and left. She's so cold-hearted. I just want the pain to go away already, it sometimes hurts my head and makes my teary eyes go dry. I'm not happy. Sometimes I wish I never experienced love because it's not worth the pain honestly. I don't feel any better or stronger. She just left out of the blue no 2nd chances. I miss my girlfriend. I hope she comes back and doesn't get hurt, I really do. Please help me, I suffer with this almost everyday and I don't what to do
  12. Hey everyone, I am back! Things are starting to slowly look up for me again and I'm now dating a new woman since January. :) We're the same age. I just wanted all your opinion on this subject. So, I'm pretty crazy about this woman. She's a bit shy, inexperienced with dating, and awkward, but I'm really drawn to her. It just feels right. She's not the typical kind of woman I'd go for, but I don't know, there's just something about her. This weekend, we had our first kiss, and it was just electric. We were both into it, and kissed more than once. She actually confessed to me that I was her first kiss. I thought that was really sweet and bold of her to share, and I feel humble that she felt I was the right person to do that with. Although I've kissed and had relationships before, I haven't gone very far in the physical department myself, so I think we're both kind of very right for each other in that regard. My concerns with her, though, is lack of communication when we're not together. Particularly in texting. She basically never texts unless it's to make plans. Text messages go unanswered for days. We had a couple light conversations about this. She said that she is just not a texter. She said she leaves her friends and family hanging when it comes to text messages even. She just doesn't care for it and she just doesn't see anything in it. While I don't want to have countless, repetitive text messages, eg. "how's your day?" all day, I think it's nice to check in a couple times a week. If I'm feeling down in the dumps or lonely, it'd be nice to hear back from her in a timely manner. Additionally, I don't believe she's on any social media. I'm just kind of used to these things from past relationships. She's a bit old fashioned. I mean, she checks her watch instead of her phone for the time, so that tells you something about her. What do you guys feel about the texting stuff? Part of me, the lack of texting kinda makes me feel like I'm very disconnected from her life. I basically never see or hear from her during the week. Now, we're NOT a couple yet, but it definitely feels like it's headed there. But still, I think about things like this before getting too serious. In person, I'm just so in to her. We got similar personalities. When we kissed and held each other, it just felt so right, and I think that's more important than silly text messages. But again, there's nights like tonight. I am kind of lonely and wouldn't mind texting her right now. Or even calling and hearing her voice. I should mention that, she's not one to pick up for phone calls, either! She does always gets back to me, and makes the time for me and our dates. But I feel she could communicate a little more when we're not together, because sometimes it's a couple weeks of time before we see each other. I feel those periods where we aren't gonna see each other for two weeks (or more), we should at least catch up on the phone on the weekend or something. I'm basically like, the first person she's started to date serious. Like I said, I was her first kiss! Should I relay this stuff to her? I think when you date someone, there should be communication, especially if we can't be together on certain weekends.
  13. I feel like I am not wanted by my boyfriend mom. Since we started dating I feel like she never liked me. It started when she didn’t like me because I was never open (I deal with depression and anxiety) or I would just stick to myself. I have been living with them for the past 5 years. She chooses days on when to like me & when not to like me.. when I’m home she doesn’t include me in lunches if there are ordering or when dinner is ready, everyone is called except me like I’m invisible. I would try to hug her at times & she would not hug back. I would kiss her “hi, bye” & she would not kiss back. When I walk into the house from work, she doesn’t even care that I came home to say hi. But when my boyfriend brother girlfriend comes in.. she’s so quick to give her hugs & kisses. She doesn’t acknowledge me.. i try to ask her why didn’t kiss me back.. her excuse is because a 2 month old baby hurt her check.. which is an excuse. I try taking to her on how she treats me & what bothers me & she just throws excuses at me.. idk if I’m just overreacting or it’s my depression.. i just want to feel accepted , wanted, loved.. I didn’t grow up with family . I didn’t grow up with my mom & dad & adopted so I’m not sure if I’m desperate feeling a mother’s love
  14. Me and my boyfriend have been going out since we were 14 and we are now 21 so 7 years. He is in his 3rd year of uni and studies french and Spanish however for his 3 rd he had to live abroad for a year. I thought this would end up being fine, yeah I would miss him but I never expected anything to happen to the relationship. Before he went in September everything was perfect and I’ve even asked him this and he thought the same. We went on a 3 week family holiday together, everything was how it normally is. But before he came home for Christmas I had only seen him once when he came home for my birthday in November. I wanted to go out and see him but I could never get the timing right before my uni course is so full on. Things were fine before and while he was home for my birthday, yeah we found it difficult only talking on the phone but we didn’t argue that much, I just got annoyed at him because I felt he spoke about himself a lot and I felt he almost forgot I had a life aswell. When he came home for my birthday I could tell he was happy to see me, when I picked him up from the airport he couldn’t stop staring at me because this was the longest we’d gone without seeing each other. When he was home (he was only home the weekend) it was planned out because I had my party on the Saturday and then on the Friday we had my birthday dinner and he was trying to see his friends in that time aswell so we barely had any time together. Anyway, after he went back things began to change, he wasn’t putting that much effort in in terms of making me feel better (I lost my gran last November, and my uni work was seriously getting me stressed, and I had also moved closer to uni for 3rd year so felt quite depressed aswell). And in turn I would then moan at him for this, we would argue quite a lot, he would say I’m being quite negative. The conversations weren’t great because it would always be the same thing like what you doing then I’d say uni work like it would always be the same. Whenever I would say I feel his response would always be however many days it would be till I see him that’s it, that’s all he would say in trying to make me feel better. Anyway that was what got me through, the thought of seeing him so a lot of excitement built up. We had discussed that we needed to see how things went when he was home because we both couldn’t stand the arguing anymore, but although I was like yeah don’t want to loose you I wasn’t extremely worried. So he was due home the 20th December and the plan was that he would fly to where I stay for uni we would have a day/night there and then I’d drive us home. When I first seen him I knew there was a bit of tension there but he did hug me and stuff so it’s not like he was completely off. When we got back to the flat it didn’t take long for us to have sex and I felt things were fine like they weren’t going to be perfect it was the first time seeing him in over a month. After that he was hugging and kissing me on the sofa like things felt normal. We had planned to go out for dinner but when we were walking there he said something like I can see myself moving around a lot, and I said something like with me? Or something I can’t remember just to see what he would say and to stuff like that he always kinda says well we’re 21 so who knows what will happen like that kind of attitude and obviously that’s fine but there it least has to be a want there, like a want to have a future with me cause in the past we’ve talked about our future, like we’ve been together 7 years like of course you’re going to think well what can break us now ? So anyway while out for dinner i think the conversation got brought up about how we’ve been feeling the last couple weeks and how we feel about it and he just had this attitude like if who knows what will happen if things aren’t the same while he’s back and I think things just escalated because he started saying some worrying stuff that didn’t sound hopeful for us so I just had this horrible feeling, I kept asking him did something happen and eventually he said yes so I wanted to leave the restaurant cause I felt sick. Eventually got back to the flat and he tells me that it’s a Spanish girl (he told me about her before but he just said there was a group of them that were all friends so I didn’t even know I had to worry) that his flatmate was friends with because they met each other through his job in spain (his flat mate is gay and is from near us) so he tells me he’s kissed her a few times and that they both like each other. Not even a random girl, it doesn’t mean anything, no like full on said we both like each other. So from that point on he says stuff that I wouldn’t of even dreamt he would ever say to me, like I didn’t miss you as much as I thought I would, when I think of you with another guy it doesn’t effect me that much like so much stuff. He’s sitting crying telling me this saying how sorry he is etc and I’m just shocked, like I kept saying to him I honestly don’t know who you are, never once has he ever even kissed anyone like we’re both each other firsts. I think I should probably also say that when I was 16 on a girls holiday I kissed someone and that completely devastated him like last new year he cried to me on the phone saying he tried to kill himself because I made him feel so low about it. So anyway I let him stay, because the hard part is he’s my best friend and I had missed him so much and also I didn’t want to be alone even if it was him. Before we went to sleep he said I do want to try with you and I do think it’s a mistake but when we woke up it was still ‘I don’t know I don’t know how I feel, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and even being here with you I still don’t have an answer’ but after an hour he comes to the conclusion again that he does want to make things work. So I say to try and enjoy the day and show him that we can still have a good time together (because in my head I was giving him an excuse saying it’s just because we’ve not had proper time together in months) so we went to the Christmas markets and I did feel on edge which is normal surely but I did still feel hopeful. So before I dropped him home he did say ‘I’ll phone the girl and tell her it’s over and that we can’t continue’ so I said fine and that’s how we left it. That night I was supposed to be going out for my friends 21st so I did think that would take my mind off it but from speaking to my friends (one of them is very tough and takes no ) I felt I was worried more because I was still shocked by the full thing and they seen it for what it was. So getting ready I was just constantly thinking about it, he eventually tells me he calls her and explains everything so although I felt better about that I was still thinking so it was obviously serious if he had to call her ? Anyway I decided i wouldn’t go out I felt horrible but I honestly felt I wasn’t in the right head space and I would just ruin it for everyone. So he was at the pub while this was happening and I was texting him saying I don’t think I’m going to go out and if I could see him after he’s finished at the pub. Sounds stupid but I had missed him so much and he’s literally always the one to comfort me whatever I go through so I was just trying to get that normality back while trying to figure out what was going on. I picked him up and he was drunk so his words weren’t the best but he was saying stuff like he’s messed up so bad and has ruined our relationship and was willing to make it up to me. He also said he felt a weight had been lifted off his shoulders after he told that other girl it was over. So that night I stayed because again I felt hopeful and I just wanted to because I really wanted a goodnight sleep (previous night I didn’t have any sleep and I’m bad thinking about stuff when I’m on my own). That morning which was the Sunday he said he’d take me out mini golfing and that we’d have a really nice day so again although I was shocked at the situation because I couldn’t get over all the stuff he had said to me I still felt hopeful. The day was weird although I was happy I was with him he was being off, he said he didn’t feel well so I was kinda annoyed like if he felt sick then fine but he was the one that should be being nice to me not the other way around. So anyway after that went back to his and things were normal. Next day he came over and he felt off like he was hugging me and stuff but I thought he was just like that before he felt weird being around my family so just felt on edge. That night while texting him the topic of the holiday we had been planning to go on came up, and I asked him do you still want to go on it and his reply was obvs and I got annoyed at that because well obviously it’s not obvious? Anyway I phoned him and he basically was saying stuff like well if we’re still together then obviously I want to go and just stuff in general about giving the relationship a try while he’s home but not promising anything because he might feel different at the end of it. Next day he was in town buying my Christmas presents so i thought well it is a good sign he’s still buying my presents you know. Texted for a bit during the day and then I had asked to come over and see him before we go to the pub for Christmas Eve. Things were fine but we had sex and it felt awful he was so rough like it really felt he was trying too hard. That night at the pub was awful too when I arrived he was drunk, he told me I looked nice and was being touchy feely but way too much like kissing me every 2 mins which isn’t normal for us at all we usually don’t kiss each in public. And whenever I’d say right calm down he’d get so annoyed at me. When it got past 12 his friends had gone home so wanted to go home (the plan was that he would stay at mine have Christmas morning with us and then go see his family) but my friends were still there so I didn’t want to leave yet, so he sat there sulking but he is an annoying drunk anyway. Eventually I said right let’s go home cause he was annoying me. When we were walking home he was being very short, he would tell a story and in the middle of it I’d say oh yeah did blabla not happen like trying to be engaging but he kept on saying stop interrupting me and just being horrible. Then when we got home we were in the kitchen and he was on his phone and I could just see that he had sent 3 love hearts to someone but he quickly put it away cause he could see I was looking so I freaked out and asked to see his phone (pretended I wanted to see pics or something) and I went onto his messages and the message was to that girl, I couldn’t see what it said cause it was in Spanish but he wiped the phone off me and I screamed at him and asked what it said but he just stared at me and said I’m not telling you so I was just shocked like he is not the type of person to be horrible like that. So eventually he burst out crying and said that he can’t do this anymore he’d been trying so hard but every time he kisses me has sex or whatever it feels like he’s doing it with his best friend and it doesn’t feel right. He then eventually told me that he had sex with this girl and the message said merry Christmas Thankyou for being part of my life im sorry things didn’t work out, which is really weird like why wouldn’t he of just said that at the time? Anyway I’m sitting shaking ing raging like how could he of done this to me knowing fine well he’s been through it himself and how it’s made him feel, and even when he knows how I’ve been feeling he still went and done it. So we spoke and felt the best thing would be to go on a break, but while he’s home we still see each other because i do think if I don’t see him it’s going to be so easy for him to go back to Spain and think there’s nothing I want from that relationship so I wanted to show him that we can still have a good time. Anyway I let him stay because I knew if we had left it on a bad note I wouldn’t of gotten any sleep and it was Christmas the next day. Next day I cried multiple times, he left early afternoon and I had such a day because where he was spending Christmas there wasn’t good reception so I couldn’t even speak to him or ask him anything because we didn’t talk about how this break was going play out so I had so many questions. Anyway on Thursday night I went to go see my friend to tell her what’s been happening etc and she really put things into perspective for me so I left feeling a bit better but mostly angry. I phoned him that night asking him different things and I said that when he goes back to Spain I don’t want to speak to him so that’s it’s a proper break, and he agreed but I also said I don’t think it would be a good idea to go back to this girl because there’s feelings involved I said if he honestly does see a future with me but not right now he would know not to go near her. I said this and he was so hesitant saying that he can’t promise that nothing will happen ? So I just left it. He also said that he messaged her updating her on us and I was so annoyed at the because it has nothing to do with her but he said she messaged him asking how he is. I then said we’ll I think it’s more than fair that you dont text her when you’re home, he said he doesn’t message her really anyway but yes that’s fine. I then went to see him last night and it was weird like he kept laughing and I said yeah I know it’s awkward then we started talking about stuff again, we went to go lay down in his room and we were getting on well like it finally felt like it should. Then his pals came round and we all had a drink and things we just like we were all pals. I stayed so I didn’t have to get a lift home, at first he was like is that not a bit far and I said well I’m going to stay with you when we go see your family for newyear (I’ve decided to still go cause I’m really close with his family and love his little brother, his friend is coming too so it’s not just us) and he’s staying at my flat the night before he goes, and also we’re fine hugging and stuff so I said well why not ? So we hugged a bit (was mostly me asking because I was cold) but apart from that nothing happened. This morning I phoned me friend again to update her, and she said she just thinks he’s wanting to do the break rather than filling saying he wants to end it with me, that really he knows what he’s doing. I also have thought that I’m not going to tell him to not see that girl or stop him from doing anything Because he should be doing what he thinks is right, like I really have this fear that if I don’t let him just do want he wants he’ll always have the idea of what if in his head. A part of me things that yeah when he goes back and we don’t talk for ages surely it will give him a fright because I won’t be there anymore like we haven’t gone a day without speaking for the full 7 years we’ve been together. But then another part of me is thinking that when he does go back he’ll think it’s a free pass to get on with whatever he felt bad about doing before. And that after 2/3 weeks I’ll get a message saying he doesn’t think it’ll work out and it’s not worth and the feelings he has for this girl are stronger than the ones he has for me. So now I’m thinking is it right to carry on seeing him because it will let him realise what we could have and he’ll have more of a chance of missing me when he goes or am I just letting him have his cake and eat it ? He’s got her over there and me over here ? He’s still getting to spend time with me, he’s getting everything he wants ? Hard thing about this is we’ve grown up together it’s more than just a relationship. So I need help on what to do I have never been in this situation before. Thankyou for reading I know it’s a lot
  15. I used to be able to really make love the way you see it on romantic movies. I used to look at my bf's eyes deeply and kiss him passionately and so on. I would really give him my all, all of myself. Over the last year or so, I can not do it anymore. I keep my eyes closed all the time. I'm not even comfortable with kissing anymore. Sex became more of a physical activity then something like soul connection and intimate love making. Everything is fine otherwise in my relationship, nothing has changed. I am content. My bf is not complaining about anything. I doubt he even noticed it. But I feel big change in me in sex area. I don't know should I be concerned. What could this mean? How can I figure out what happened to me that I became so cold and mechanical in sex, psychological distant, not allowing myself to feel emotions during sex, but being on guard? I can only let go physically. It really feels weird to me. It isn't me. I miss it. Is it healthy and normal to have just sex with no heart in it with the person you love?
  16. After over a month of being apart, my ex who broke up with me, reached out. We talked for two days before eventually meeting up. The night we met up, she brought up missing me, telling me she still loved me, and that being apart was really hard for her. She mentioned that she is still hurt by some things that happened in our relationship that led to the break up. It sounded as if she was considering wanting to get back with me so I told her we do not have to rush things. She agreed and thanked me. First week- Her and I were in constant communication and hung out almost everyday. After the first day of seeing each other, she went back to telling me she loved me. However, over the next week I noticed a change in the way we texted- she seemed more distant (I know she’s been busy studying as she is in nursing school) and not as affectionate towards me; although we were still hanging out some days. In person it seemed better but still kind of hard to gage at times how she was feeling. As she stopped telling me she loved me all together unless I said it first. This past weekend she brought up that we were taking things too fast (which I agree with) however, clarified that we are not quite back together even though that was my thought based on how we initially talked to each other. She owned up to that and apologized for the poor communication. She explained to me that she was confused as to what she wants right now. She for once wants to put herself first and to focus on nursing school which has been very stressful on her and she is afraid that she may not pass. She was not saying we can’t get back together but that when we agreed on taking things slow, she wanted me to take her out on dates and woe her- something we never got to do the first time (we did a lot of just hanging out). She also said she was scared things might go back to the way they were so she’d rather take it day by day and see how things progress. We talked it out and everything was fine. Right after the talk, we kissed and she mentioned a few times she loved me- which she hadn’t said to me in a week. The next day she asked if I wanted to grab lunch. Afterwards, we went back to her place for a bit (still bringing me around her family). As I left, we kissed each other good bye and she said she loved me. Obviously we are not taking things slow and I am just so confused as to what is going on. She seems to be all over the place. She is the one initiating the “I love you’s”. And we even openly kiss in front of her family when I’m over. For the record, I don’t care too much about taking things slow. I’m trying to be understanding of the situation but not being able to commit doesn’t sit well with me. just seems odd for her to act that way immediately after saying we’re taking things too fast. What are your thoughts on this??
  17. So I just got into a new relationship, and we met about 2 months ago. We get on really well and he’s honestly the kindest person. He pays me compliments, he’s honest, he’s very affectionate and always cuddles and kisses me and doesn’t mind PDA. It’s just that he seems to decline sex whenever I mention it. I have asked him why, and he said he wants to make sure it doesn’t mess the relationship up because he wants us to last. So it’s a case of me being ready before him? We have done other little bits and fondled but even then I’m the one who initiates it first and when I perform sexual acts he doesn’t even seem he’s enjoying it, like i’ll Be in the middle of doing it and he’ll be laying there still looking at the ceiling and then he’ll just tell me he’s going to cum and that’s it.. no expression or groaning (sorry too much info). It makes me feel a bit deflated. I love being intimate and it makes me feel like maybe I’m doing something wrong or that he has issues he’s not telling me about. It’s just sexual intimacy that’s an issue like I say he has no problem kissing me and stuff. He’s only ever had 1 other girl who broke his heart and he was single for 7 years. He doesn’t get much sleep (about 3 hours a day) so maybe they are both factors that have something to do with it. I just don’t know what to do to resolve this
  18. Hey happy campers, I'm currently in that point in time during high school where I'm just trying to figure my sh*t out. I've had those typical crushes on guys (I'm cis girl) since the beginning of time, but only recently I started having feelings for another girl who I know is bi. The problem is I've never kissed or had sex with anyone regardless of gender. So do you need to have sex/kiss a girl or guy to truly know your sexuality or does feelings count? Thanks.
  19. Admittedly I'm overthinking this, but I feel like I'll relax a bit if I write it out and have the outlet. A little background first: A woman and I met on an app, chatted for a bit, I asked her to coffee and we met at local place, talked for a few hours, then went our separate ways. We did both say we'd like to go out again. I sent her a follow-up message with my number and she texted me the next day. We texted a little bit but mostly just scheduling a second date which was dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. We had a good time on the second date, laughing, commonalities, etc. After the date I walked her to her subway station and we chatted for a bit there, we talked about our schedules over the next month. She's been busy on weekends but said she'd let me know if a day opened up and that her weeknights were mostly free. We talked about doing more dinners and going to beergardens (her suggestion) in the area. We hugged goodbye and I kissed her on the cheek, as she pulled back she said something like, "let's do this right" and went back in for a closed mouth kiss, which, being the awkward guy I am, was a little awkward. We kind of laughed it off and then she went to her train. I texted her a link to a recent article about local beergardens and she suggested one to go to on Wednesday (she actually picked a place with wine, remembering my preference for wine over beer). The next day she texted back that she forgot she already had plans on Wednesday and asked if we could do it Friday instead, which I confirmed was fine, so we're going to do that. So on the plus side: we talk and laugh well in person, there's certainly some intellectual chemistry there. Also, she initiated the "real" kiss, she could've just left it at the cheek. Finally, she did suggest the day and location of the date, instead of just kind of letting me push things while putting in minimal effort herself. My concerns however: while the conversation was great in person, she responds to texts very slowly and non-conversationally. She's probably just not really into texting, but it could also be that she doesn't want to invest the time/energy. The kiss was awkward and that's obviously not good for me. Lastly, the postponement from Wednesday to Friday - I can't help but feel like there's another guy (hey its only a 3rd date and we met online, she's entitled to it) and she might've bumped me because she'd rather see what happens with him first. It all just feels very tenuous and I feel like I'm going to get a "so I met someone before you, we went out Wednesday and it looks like its going to become something serious, you're great blablabla, good luck" message. I hate that I'll probably have to wait until Thursday to see what happens with that. So I don't know, I guess I'll probably just get a response or two here saying to chill out and see what happens. But interested in feedback regardless. Thanks for your time.
  20. Hi I am trying to make sense of this situation. My ex dumped me 1 month ago after she returned to the country after being away for 6 months and didn't feel like dating anymore but wanted to be friends. We were together about a year and a half and lived together for about 6months, I refused her offer for just friendship and went our separate ways. She texted a few times asking about getting our stuff because I had some of her belongings and she had some of mine. We exchanged things a couple weeks later, then she texted me again a few days later asking about the model of something I had because she wanted the same thing. A few messages later in the conversation I asked how she was and this eventually led me to asking her out on a date the next day, which she eagerly agreed to. We had a great evening out but I didn't make a move because it still felt kind of strange to me. She did touch me a few times but it didn't seem anything more than platonic and we just ended the night with a hug after I dropped her off. In the morning she texted me saying she had tons of fun after I texted her that i missed that. A couple days later she texts me about if I've seen something of hers that she couldn't find when unpacking, I said I didn't. Then the following night she called me for help setting up her TV service, then asked what I was doing and if I wanted to come over right now and watch a movie and she has a pizza in the oven. I went over and didn't know if this was a booty call. We watched a couple of movies that night but nothing happened between us, and looking back at it, I am sure I missed my chance. We held hands a bit and she was leaning on me but I didn't go for a kiss or anything. It usually takes me a bit of time to open up to someone. Like originally with her, we didn't kiss until the 4th date and didn't sleep together until after a month of dating. I still asked her the next day when she's free to go out again to which she replied that she doesn't have much going on with herself right now. I said I'd pick her up the following night after i got off work, to which she replied a couple hours later with some lame excuse of other plans she had. A few days go by and I ask her if she's got any plans the next couple of days and she said she did. I then just told her that I'd like to see her again but to let me know when her schedule opens up again. She just replied with OK. I pretty sure I missed my opportunity with her that night she invited me over, but does not making a move make her lose all attraction to me? I'd love to see her again but should I just wait it out until she texts me again? She still likes my social media posts even though we aren't a couple anymore but how can I know if she wants me in a romantic and non-platonic way?
  21. This is a long story and my first post so I'll try to explain as much and as best as I can. I'll include a TL;DR Back when I was a Sophomore in HS (i was 15), I met this girl on Facebook who went to my same school. We chatted each other up, met at school, hung out, and after a month, we were an official couple. We were together for 3.5 years (from 15-18), off and on. During our relationship, I was very much in love with her considering she was my first everything and the only person I had ever connected with at this point in my life. We always hung around each other, talked every day and had many things in common, days went by fast and it was never boring. Our relationship ended when I found out she was cheating on me. Her friend had informed me and I was pretty crushed. Crushed to the point where I wasn't eating or leaving my room. When I confronted my girlfriend, she never admitted to her infidelity and had made it seem like I was going through her phone or social media to find out the information. We obviously broke up when it happened but after a week of not talking to one another, I made the move to talk to her again and just be friends. We ended up fooling around for about 4 months until I realized she was avoiding getting back together because she was seeing someone else she was interested in. Feeling hurt and stupid once again, I cut ties with her completely and never made the effort to talk to her again. SO 3 years after breaking up and not having any contact with each other, I get a message from my ex through my social media. The message, in short terms, said, "Hey, how have you been? I know you might not wanna talk to me but something was telling me to check up on you. I wanna make sure everything is okay. I wanna apologize for being a in the past. I'm definitely not that way anymore.. but yeah, just checking up on ya." Upon receiving this message, I was conflicted on responding. I spent 3 years getting over my ex and growing as a person to help me with the issues she left behind. One part of me wanted to not responded, but another part of me was curious. So, I asked my sister, her husband, and my sister-in-law for advice. My sister and her husband both advised me to not respond, while my sister-in-law suggested I message her to see what she wanted and what her intentions were. Going with the lather, I responded. We talked, caught each other up on where life had taken us (me being 21, constantly needing to be busy while happy; her being 23, a mother while unhappy) and we exchanged another form of communication (Snapchat) She messaged me almost every day to make small talk, or tell me about her dreams she was having of me and I kept her at arms length away because I wasn't interested in having her too close to me once again. Eventually, I agreed to meeting up with her for drinks. That night, I tried to drink my nervousness away and ended getting drunk but still being able to know what I was doing. I ended up kissing her that night leading us to pull over and make out for a few minutes before she insisted that I was too drunk and needed to be taken back home. After, I apologized for my behavior and she reassured me it was okay because she wanted it. We met up again and we ended up hooking up in her car. We met up another time in her car and talked and kissed, which the next day she said she felt like she was falling for me all over again. The most current time we met up, she brought her daughter along and I was shocked/nervous. But, I have had much experience with babies since I helped raise my 3 nephews so I flowed with hanging out with them both while in the store. Through all of this, she has said she wants to be with me because she thinks I'm the one, that I would make a better father to her child than the actual father, has said she misses my family and wants to meet them again, has told her mother and sister about talking to me again (both of them in full support), has confessed that she had missed me all this time we were apart and that she was very sorry for everything she did and she was different now, said she feels she was young and stupid with her past mistakes knowing it wasn't right and knowing it's not excuse. For me, in the beginning I was going along with meeting her and kissing her because I did like the feeling of when we kissed. It was like when we were younger and I got the same exact feeling that I had never gotten with anyone else. When we ended up hooking up, I felt horrible and guilty for her boyfriend, but I also felt good because I did miss her and I wanted more. I cant say that I'm falling for her again (maybe I am and just being a douche) but I do care deeply for her and I want her to be happy. When I met her daughter, it was when things took a big turn for me. It went from fooling around to meeting this little life that was too adorable and made me feel a weird way while I was with them both. I really did enjoy spending time with her and her daughter, but again, I felt completely horrible afterwards because of what exactly we were doing. Now, things have gotten to the point where I am having feelings for her that I don't think I can keep a secret from anyone else because I do want more. They have gotten to the point where I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure no matter what. I confronted her about not wanting to be a side piece and that I didn't want to continue this if she was still going to be with her boyfriend because I was going to get attached and love not only her but her daughter as well. She replied with that she wanted to be with me and wanted me apart of both of their lives and that she was sorry but she was using her boyfriend for a way to move out of their current place (his parents' house) and to have a stable place for the baby since she didn't have a job or ability to do it on her own, saying she didn't want to use me. She then said it would take a while for any dramatic changes to happen and if I was feeling like I didn't want to be apart of it, she would totally understand. With all of this, I've come to terms that it could be true that we may be the one for each other because we do click very well (that's a big thing for me since I don't 'click' with many people in my life), and that I can see a future with her and the baby and we both have expressed we're really happy when we spend time together. My big problems are the boyfriend situation and my family. I'm unsure if I should jump ship now before I dig a too deep hole for both of us, or continuing what we're doing and just enjoy our time together before whatever decisions happen. TL;DR My ex of 3 years cheated on me and came back into my life 3 years later. We mess around, have feelings for each other, she wants me to be the step daddy but she's still with her boyfriend until she has a stable place for her child. What do I do? Do I leave or ride out the wave until it dries up?
  22. I’ve known my friend for 3 years, and just recently we started having sex in a fwb agreement after we hooked up when we went on a night out. He told me he liked my company, and the sex was good so we carried on doing it. Everything was fine, until things started to get a lil more passionate, like to me, it feels like we are “seeing eachother” rather than just buddies. He’s told me to “go with the flow” and a few weeks ago we were talking and he said the only reason we’d have to stop being fwb is if one of us got bored, one of us found someone and then he paused and said or if one of us got feelings.. I just said “hmm yeah” and then he repeated what I said and giggled, felt as if he was wondering what my response would be. We carried on doing our thing, baring in mind I’ve been totally cool about the situation, ive talked about meeting up with guys on dates, and I try to encourage him to go on dates with girls. One night a girl he says he’s friends with lives in a different city and she was visiting, she asked him if he would meet her for food, he declined and invited me over instead. I went and told him that he should of seen her, and he was aware that one of my old male friends was asking if I wanted a catch up too. The next day, she asked him again and this time he said yes, and he had food with her. That’s the only time that I’m aware of that he’s seen another girl since we’ve been fwb, he hasn’t said he doesn’t want a relationship but has admitted to having commitment issues. He invites me round his place every night, we have take aways, watch films or play his xbox.. and sometimes we have sex. So sometimes I go round and we don’t have sex. We cuddle, kiss, and play fight and it doesn’t always lead to sex. We also sleep in the same bed (even when we haven’t had sex) and he asks me to stay over, and whenever I say I’ve gotta go, he tells me not to, and pulls me back in for a cuddle. He makes me dinner sometimes, and he even washed my socks I left over at his place, I never asked him too. He texts me every day all day, and one night when he was out clubbing, he text me saying “I wish you was here”. I know this probably doesn’t mean much, but he’s gone from sending “xx” to “xxxx” on texts, might not mean anything but oh well. He’s not afraid of people knowing about us either, and some of his close friends know about it. We go out together to pubs, and he’s asked me out for food on 2 occasions. He’s started to do more affectionate mannerisms, like stroking the back of my head and neck whilst I’m driving, asking to compare hand sizes (and then saying how small they are) kissing my cheek, and kissing my forehead, leaning on my shoulder whilst watching tv. And can I just say most of the time, he initiates the cuddles and hugs first. He sometimes hugs me when We are both standing, and one time we were holding hands, he asked “why are we holding hands” and I said “oh I think you grabbed mine first” and I said “let go if you want to” but he kept it there and even started doing that thumb stroking . I’ve caught him looking at me when he thinks I’m not looking, and he always kisses me goodbye. I once mentioned to him that i’d Love it if someone planned a surprise day out for me or took me somewhere I liked, and a few days later he told me to pull a sicky at work so we could go on a “road trip” where I don’t know where we are going. I might be looking way too much into this, but I’m confused as to what he might feel, and I need some secondary opinion before I ask him, because I’m a bit of a wimp. He’s quite a reserved person, doesn’t open up about things much, and he’s quite macho, so isn’t a soppy person. Thanks in advance.
  23. Alright so there's this girl that I really like and I feel as if she might like me back but she constantly hangs out with this guy who according to her are not dating. I mean she says that she goes to his house "to cuddle" and says that they've kissed but she claims they're just friends yet obviously he wants to be more than that but I want her too. I'm 16 btw if that's important. What should I do??
  24. So I don't go out much, and I have a two drink maximum rule for myself. Three at the most, and that's only if it's a long day of festivals or parades. I went to the Halloween parade this weekend, and after we went into the Quarter to see some music. I had one drink at the club, felt completely sober. I left and was walking home when some people started calling to me from a balcony, it looked like a party, and they were like "Come up! Have a cocktail!" For those of you who haven't been to New Orleans, this a pretty common occurrence in the Quarter, especially around holidays. It looked like fun, so I went up and as I was going in, some of the people were leaving. The host poured me a glass of wine and I realized that since people left I was now the only woman present. But the guys were watching a basketball game on tv and the only person really talking to me was the host. No offense to Italians, but this guy was like a caricature. Kept saying "Feggadabout it" and dropping the f bomb constantly, HEAVY Italian accent, almost seemed like it was fake. He said he was from Chicago, recently moved to New Orleans, bought this beautiful condo in the Quarter. He did have some nice art, although he tended heavily toward the nudes. It was a nice night, and it was pleasant to sit on his balcony and watch the crowds. Then he started talking about sex. A lot. Explicitly. About this time one of the guys inside handed a joint out the window. I said no, thanks, I don't do drugs, never have in my life. He kind of snickered and mumbled something like "If you're drinking that wine, now you have." I didn't process it immediately, but I noticed shortly after that I started to feel really strange. Sort of thick, and warm, and disconnected. As I was sitting there processing the sensation, the host suddenly grabbed my chin and kissed me. SHOVED his nasty tongue down my throat. It was so gross. I yanked away and said "I have to go." He started saying how rude to leave a half glass of wine when it's been poured for you. I really didn't care and got out of there as soon as I could. Fast enough that one of the guys watching tv saw me and said "You ok?". I think maybe the host had slipped something dissolveable into my drink, but it obviously wasn't a roofie, or I'd have passed out. As it was, I felt a little strange for about 24 hours. The whole thing was icky, and yes, I realize I should know better, but it really is something people do here, go to random parties. I learned a lesson, but I feel like at the age of 46, I shouldn't have had to. Thanks for listening.
  25. Hi folks. I have been "dating" a man from high school for 6 months. I'm in my mid-fifties. In that time we have spent ALOT of time together because we have similar interests. I have grown to love him and I tell him often. He tells me that he loves me too. The relationship is progressing at a very slow pace which is ok but he seldom shows any affection towards me. I want to kiss him he pulls away. If I touch him in a way that could lead to intimacy he questions my motives and pulls away. He won't let me touch him! He seldom touches me. When I question him about it he twists things in such a way that I feel like a . Wanting to be intimate with someone you love after 6 months is normal and human. I'm ready to end this situation but want to know what you all think.
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