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About Me

  1. I wish I wasn’t mixed. I’m 18. I’m black/white; African dad, European mom. I currently live in the United States, but growing up, I lived all over Europe. My dad is a former professional football player and he played for a few clubs in Europe, so we moved frequently when I was younger. We settled in the States after my dad retired. Been here a few years. I’ve always been a bit insecure about my mixed heritage. And it’s always made me feel guilty cause my parents are really great, loving and supportive; I’m lucky to have them. I feel like my feelings are a betrayal to them. But I’ve just ne
  2. In this journal I will write about my daily life and some general thoughts. I like to write down my thoughts so a journal on ENA would be the ideal place. I will keep practicing my English too. Funny how easy is to forget something if you don’t practice it . I got a good job as web developer the previous week .It’s my first serious job and it will affect my whole career as I am going to be in the IT field for the rest of my life. So, a new chapter is beginning. I haven’t been placed in a team yet but this will happen next week. Probably as a front end developer but it’s inevitable to wor
  3. Hey! I'm 23 and I was always a quiet kid. Ever since kindergarten (according to my mother) I used to sit alone and only get along with 1-2 people, wouldn't really participate in group games, etc. My grandparents taught me to read and write before 1st grade so I was focused on books while most other kids were focused on playing and having fun. My parents also have always had a very cynical view on most people installed from very early on (as in "don't trust people, people don't care about you, people are not your friends", etc.). My parents forced me to study and would lock me in my room for
  4. Post your most memorable movie quotes (or dialogue) here. I'm thinking not necessarily the most well known (Life is a box of chocolates), but those which stuck with you for some reason. If you wanna say why its memorable to you, even better. To start: From "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (major paraphrasing) Mona Stangley : And Jesus went to a wedding where he turned the water into wine Sheriff Earl Dodd: He was a great man, and he knew how to throw a party Mona: Earl, I can't believe you said that, that's sacrilegious Earl: I know, I know. But God forgives me.
  5. I've always been someone who wasn't quick on their feet with learning or following directions or what have you. I don't know why but I've always been a little slow at doing things.My parents always referred to me as knucklehead or slow, they do it in a playful way but I know they're serious about. Throughout life people have always said things about how much of an idiot I am. I often make mistakes with everything I do and it's so hard for me to focus and catch on to the most simple things and tasks. At my new job a lot of people don't like working with me because they know how backwards I a
  6. First time poster, and I really need advice. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over 6 years, but this past year, we have been fighting nonstop. Mostly the fights are about living stituations (I told him I don’t want to live in his parents yard forever), having attitudes with one another, him going to the bars with his/our friends (& never inviting me), his friends talking about me, and some other odds and ends. Essentially, almost every fight results in him telling me to leave (move back to my parents). I have packed several times and gotten ready to leave, where he then explodes an
  7. It seems every weekend I cry at some point because my father is gone and yes, he wasn’t a good parent and we had almost no relationship for almost 30 years but he was still my father . I may not have liked who he was ,what he stood for or any of his life decisions but I did love him. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that I will never hear him or see him again. He was still a human being with a story. And that story and knowledge is forever gone. And that in itself is a tragedy.
  8. Sorry guys it's me again. You can read my old posts to see how much of a mess I am. I don't even mean to get into these situations. It's my friend again. We didn't talk for months, because of something stupid. I didn't block him, but I erased his number and unfriended, just to let myself get over him. But he's back, again, and for a few weeks, I was doing really well staying indifferent. I didn't text him or call him, if he texted, I would answer, but you know, I wasn't like I usually am. I did so good for awhile. And even now, I still have my guard up, but it's getting really har
  9. I'm new to this forum so excuse me if I'm not that clear in what I'm about to say. I have been married for almost two years now. We got married after a very short relationship which was wonderful and very loving. We saw eachother every day and he was extremely attached to me, which was pretty unusual because of the length of time we had known eachother. Right away in the relationship he expressed his wish to marry me and start a family. To be honest I had a feeling that we were rushing things but he was the first person that I really felt that I was in love with. I got pregnant and
  10. I have started a relationship with someone about 4 years ago, she is really nice and we think of each other as family, I have never told anyone about her and don't know if I should, my parents don't want me using socail media of any sort. I stay up all night just talking to her, and I never get any sleep. Any advice?
  11. Profile 26 yo, African American Male, 5,10, Athletic Build, interfacial Relationship. Hello Everyone, I'll keep my name anonymous incase the post goes viral. Long story short I'm having some relationship issues. These issues derived in earlier this year with the lost of a Job. I had my own place, and my significant other still lives with her parents (which bums her out from time to time). With the lost of my job I had to give up my apartment, because COVID made unemployment impossible to receive. So, I ended up moving in with her and her parents. Now, initially I thought this all t
  12. That my husband and his family, who have acted like my family over the last decade, wouldn't validate my belief that I experienced emotional abuse. I don't know why I want the validation so badly, but it hurts that I was made to feel like a little girl whining about normal husband and wife fighting and that I'm too soft for marriage. My husband said he's remorseful (and definitely seemed distraught) but he refuses to agree to the term abuse, which was important to me. Like, am I crazy? I find it abusive to threaten divorce, to fight with me to the point that I'm crying and continue to do so, t
  13. So my ex and I had a great relationship together for about 2yrs and we both graduated high school as sweethearts together in 2020. We had plans with each other for the future and everything looked great. Shortly after we graduated she had to move to college for the summer because of sports. She wasn’t able to come and visit because of corona. I had a difficult time visiting as well because of this and my parents and job . So we were practically long distance and of course with that we had our arguments and things weren’t overall pretty and we just kept feeling more distant. Soon the summer wa
  14. My grandmother did drugs when she was raising my mother, specifically in high school. Because of that my mother had a horrible childhood. However...my grandmother got clean towards the last 20 years of her life. She was able to be a great grandmother to me. She took on the role of the second parent and partially raised me: picked me up from school, was there when I got home, was excited to ask me about my day. I feel that me being born gave my grandmother and grandfather a chance to be viewed in a new light without a past and they were grateful for that treated me like a princess. Howe
  15. Would love advice on what to do in a situation where I’ve been a long term relationship with someone for over 20 years and separated by a border. I don’t think either of us knew it would last this long. It’s complicated: First off, we live in different countries (Can/US). We have kids, separately (all are now grown and out of the house). Family is important to us both and while mine has accepted him (from the beginning), his parents still refuse to meet me and want nothing to do with me. He feels helpless. They have a strained relationship and often don’t speak to him or include him in family
  16. It’s no secret. I am an introvert and don’t like company. In doses. Husband is a good man. We spent a lot of money doing up our home. Moved into a good suburban place and great for kids too. I had to spend 9 months living at in-laws. Wasn’t happy about this but there wasn’t a choice as we wanted to free up money from previous home to do the refurb. We were living with them, they would visit our house project daily too. I appreciate they cooked, and gave us a roof over our heads but missed our own space. I really struggled with all this. In the process, a house opposite me two doors dow
  17. I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was a child. From what I recall, the bulk of the abuse took place when I was 6 to around 11. However I do remember he tried to do it again when I was 12, and at that stage, I knew it was wrong, and managed to get away. He is five years older than me. I think my mother knew what was happening. I once kicked in the glass front door in a temper when they left us alone and she asked me "do you be alright with him here by yourself". The abuse has shaped my life in many ways. For years, I identified as lesbian. It's only over the last few years I
  18. My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship despite living in a turbulent household (parents always arguing and dad, cheating). We're both in our twenties and I'm his older sister by 5 years. In our culture, we stay with our parents until marriage, and family is everything. So despite all the turmoil between our parents, we've all always tried to work things out to keep our family together. I've always been a mega nerd, scoring high marks and basically just dedicating my life to academics. My brother's always been extremely social and has gotten into trouble over the years (get
  19. Lately I have been constantly daydreaming about situations where I would struggle and have to be strong. Things like my parents dying and me having to deal with the grief, or being hit by a car and recovering. In these daydreams I’m not afraid. Instead I feel almost like I desire the suffering. And it’s not that I desire pain itself - I don’t want to be hurt - but I want to be in a situation where I can be brave and strong and be a fighter. Generally I struggle with depression which usually causes apathy and lack of interest in life, so I thought maybe this was me imagining dramatic and li
  20. So this past year my family moved to a new state and I met the girl of my dreams. She’s stunning and everything I have ever wanted in a girl and we clicked so well together. For better or worse, before I could pose the question of where we are going with this I got some devastating news, that we were moving again. We agreed to keep talking though. I even mentioned that she could come visit me at my new house (it is on a beach) and she was so excited at the idea because she had never been. Also, with me going off to college soon and her already in college, she said she would not want me to hav
  21. During badminton practice (for high school), we were practicing girls doubles, when both my partner and I went for the birdie at the same time. My partner was a strong player, and when she swung, the racket hit me right in the mouth, causing my lips to start bleeding (both upper and bottom) and immediately sending me into tears of pain. She didn't apologize, and acted as if nothing had happened. I think she might have genuinely not known that she had hit me, but it still hurts a lot and still causes me some trouble when eating (my parents applied medication, but the effect is slow). I kind of
  22. Hi all! Sorry to bother you guys but I can't seem to understand the conveniences versus the negative impacts behind such initiatives and quite frankly I am appalled that members of my family (let alone anyone) would even lay a thought on using my diagnosis for their benefit. To give you a detailed description of the situation, my mum was talking to my Aunty (in-law) over the phone. My Aunty informed my mum that there is a particular service available for people with disabilities where a carer/companion can help out within the house as well as doing shopping (and probably other activities
  23. I have practically no contact with my mother and any contact I do have is her emotionally abusing me, it's been on and off like this since I was 5 and my parents split and I moved in with my dad- when I was younger physical abuse too. I've lived with my dad since and he seemed to stop caring or 'parenting' me around 1-3 years ago. He is also emotionally abusive. I want to not care about my relationship with them but somehow I always do and just continually end up upset, it's effecting my personal life more and more. What can I do to stop caring?
  24. Wanted to make her aware that she has the power, and remove some from her dad who she lives with. Told her she's at the age she can decide she wants to live with me. I don't really think she would which I mentioned as well. But she would have to go to court to make the change. Anyway, instead of feeling weak like I was feeling it gives me a sense of control too. I told her it would be a huge change, but she has said she wondered what she'd be like if she grew up with me instead. So I basically let her know she could change if she wanted. I'm frustrated with his neglectful attitude. She
  25. So, this has bothered me for a long time and I dont know why. My younger sister is 31 and still lives in my parents basement. Doesn't pay for a damn thing, drives a brand new car, works part time (when she feels like it) and doesnt lift a finger around the house, at all. The worst part is, my parents think it's perfectly normal and okay for her to still be living in their basement because "it's harder for kids now adays to live on their own". That's their excuse.... I'm 33 and have been on my own since I was 19, I struggled yes, but it got me where I am today, which is a home owner, grea
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