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About Me

  1. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4yrs. We have a child together and both of us have a child/children from a previous marriage. I have full custody of my oldest, she doesn’t see her dad. My fiancé has joint custody of his two kids, which I find to be very disruptive to every day life. At this point, his custody situation is really causing a lot of problems. His children refuse to come to our house - say they are uncomfortable here. They stay at his parents during his visitation. Typical grandparents. No responsibilities, waited in hand and foot, no consequences, no rules really. Might I add, I have never been mean, never disciplined, never even raised my voice towards them. To give you an idea, the 11yr old girl and 13yr old boy baby talk. Yes!! Baby talk!! They whine and manipulate, cry and pout to get their way, no matter the situation. My oldest daughter, has pretty much been given no choice but to embrace the blended family life and I feel she has adjusted well. She went from being an only child to having a sibling and step siblings. his on the other hand are catered to and coddled. We even take separate family vacations at this point which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I think if his kids aren’t “comfortable”going on a family vacation, then they shouldn't be getting one of their own. I think them saying they are not comfortable is yet another manipulation tactic, but I could be wrong. Anyways. My biggest issue, I feel that his joint custody arrangement is really interfering with every day living. I work night shift, he works days. We barely have time for each other, hardly see each other during the week. Every other weekend consists of him being at his parents, on top of 2-3 days out of the week. I have tried to tell him that I don’t think it’s fair they are causing such a divide, I also don’t think it’s fair he is constantly gone and I am stuck taking care of the house by myself. It is very difficult to keep up with yard work, house work, a toddler and a 14yr old. I feel I have a part time relationship because of all of this. I feel like if he is going to see them at his parents, he should limit his evening time to 1hr max, so he can spend time with our daughter - how fair is it she only gets part time visitation too, but also to help me with yard work, house work and everything in between. He thinks I am trying to keep him away from his kids - but that’s what his ex wife says. Might I add, she doesn’t have them often. Usually every other weekend, they are pretty much dumped at his parents or hers during the week. I am getting to the point, I’m ready to make him move in with his parents. Life would be so much easier if I would suck it up and ignore it. Just continue to handle everything on my own, but it’s exhausting! I feel so overwhelmed.
  2. I wish I wasn’t mixed. I’m 18. I’m black/white; African dad, European mom. I currently live in the United States, but growing up, I lived all over Europe. My dad is a former professional football player and he played for a few clubs in Europe, so we moved frequently when I was younger. We settled in the States after my dad retired. Been here a few years. I’ve always been a bit insecure about my mixed heritage. And it’s always made me feel guilty cause my parents are really great, loving and supportive; I’m lucky to have them. I feel like my feelings are a betrayal to them. But I’ve just never been comfortable with my ethnicity. Due to a number of factors, really. From experiences with both sides of my parents' families to the way I have interacted with the many new environments I have been exposed to throughout my life. It’s just a culmination of things, really. I’ve lived in places where I was too black for the white kids, and too white for the black kids. So I never really fit in. I’m constantly asked questions about my ethnicity cause of the way I look – I was bullied when I was little cause I have curly blonde hair, blue eyes and brown skin. When I was in primary school, people said I looked like a freak. These days I don’t get bullied about my appearance, however, people are ALWAYS asking about my ethnicity and the reason I look the way I do. It kind of makes me feel like a circus freak. An exotic creature people ogle. As a result I am pretty withdrawn from society. I’m a loner, to be honest. My parents are always getting on my case cause I prefer to stay in my room, instead of interacting with society. I go off to college next year and I’m so afraid. A girl I had a casual relationship with said my insecurity isn’t racial, but rather, cultural. Because I have lived in so many places due to my dad's former profession, I’ve never really had a place I can call home – a place I can identify with. Maybe she’s right. I don’t know. But honestly, I do envy people who are of one “race.” I know every single person in the world has their problems, no matter the background. But I do wish I wasn’t mixed. I feel so bad feeling like this cause I love my parents but it is just how I feel. How do I grow beyond this?
  3. In this journal I will write about my daily life and some general thoughts. I like to write down my thoughts so a journal on ENA would be the ideal place. I will keep practicing my English too. Funny how easy is to forget something if you don’t practice it . I got a good job as web developer the previous week .It’s my first serious job and it will affect my whole career as I am going to be in the IT field for the rest of my life. So, a new chapter is beginning. I haven’t been placed in a team yet but this will happen next week. Probably as a front end developer but it’s inevitable to work in the back end as well . The good thing about web development compared to other parts of the IT field is that you can create something alone from scratch and you can actually “see” what you develop . A guy at work told me about grails which is a really cool “tool” for web development because it’s very easy to connect the pages with the databases . But what we actually do at work is not web development. We just use a platform called ATG (created by Oracle) to make an online store (e-commerce) . Anyway enough with the these stuff . I got accepted for a MSc in Finance at Kent and Reading universities but I don’t think I will go now that I found this job as work experience is way more important than studies plus it’s 40k-50k pounds .Pretty hefty fiscal burden for my parents. It would have been a nice experience though… I have been told Kent is really beautiful . I would have taken some cool photos haha . Ok enough for today . I am tired …
  4. Post your most memorable movie quotes (or dialogue) here. I'm thinking not necessarily the most well known (Life is a box of chocolates), but those which stuck with you for some reason. If you wanna say why its memorable to you, even better. To start: From "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" (major paraphrasing) Mona Stangley : And Jesus went to a wedding where he turned the water into wine Sheriff Earl Dodd: He was a great man, and he knew how to throw a party Mona: Earl, I can't believe you said that, that's sacrilegious Earl: I know, I know. But God forgives me. Mona: Ain't it funny how God can for give you, but people can't? Earl: I suppose that's because people aint very God-like I was a teenager when I saw this scene. Growing up, we were taught that our parents' word was infallible. I was starting to realize this wasn't true, and they were often unfair. Seeing this scene brought it home that people truly aren't "God-lkie"
  5. I've always been someone who wasn't quick on their feet with learning or following directions or what have you. I don't know why but I've always been a little slow at doing things.My parents always referred to me as knucklehead or slow, they do it in a playful way but I know they're serious about. Throughout life people have always said things about how much of an idiot I am. I often make mistakes with everything I do and it's so hard for me to focus and catch on to the most simple things and tasks. At my new job a lot of people don't like working with me because they know how backwards I am with getting things done. I work at a grocery store and sometimes I just mess up a lot with following order and directions and often, people get frustrated with me because it takes me a long time to catch on to something. One old guy at my job one day just referred to me as a dummy and we got into a heated argument over that and I reported him to my manager. I don't know I've always been like that and maybe perhaps something is wrong with me but I don't know what it is. I've been idiot and dumb by so many people that I actually believe it's true now..
  6. Profile 26 yo, African American Male, 5,10, Athletic Build, interfacial Relationship. Hello Everyone, I'll keep my name anonymous incase the post goes viral. Long story short I'm having some relationship issues. These issues derived in earlier this year with the lost of a Job. I had my own place, and my significant other still lives with her parents (which bums her out from time to time). With the lost of my job I had to give up my apartment, because COVID made unemployment impossible to receive. So, I ended up moving in with her and her parents. Now, initially I thought this all through and felt like this would put a huge strain on the relationship. Therefore, I made sure on several occasions if this would be ok with my partner, because I know how she likes her space. Plus now it would be both of us under her parents roof, which could make her feel trapped. All our conversations went well, and I was reassured over and over again that this would be an opportunity to grow and build while the pressure of bills are low. I moved in all excited, and remember so vividly one special moment when my girlfriend started tearing, and saying things like "I'm so happy you're here with me right now". I'm excited to plan out lives out together. NOW for me she just hit a hot button in my love language board. Now of course things were harder, I was out of work, and she was out of work. So we couldn't do the fun things that made our relationship so passionate. Skipping ahead a few weeks and everything completely changed. AND WE ALMOST BROKE UP. But we communicated out wants enough to make it out of that dark phase. She then finally professed just how much being at home with her parents kills her sexual drive. This stirred many feelings with in me that I'm still trying to process today. At first I was understanding, and started budgeting and forming a plan to get us out from under her parents house. I found work, and started slaving away. I made a savings plan that works and I'm well towards our way of getting out. Now the reason I made this post is because I feel sexually deprived in my relationship. I know for a fact that my girlfriend has lost attraction for me and it's killing me. What makes me more sick is the fact that no matter how much I research I can't seem to comprise of a plan to address this. I know exactly what I want out of this relationship. I want someone who's going to respect me, because I'm very respectful even to people who don't deserve it. I want words of affirmation, I've grown to realize that I sometimes crave attention. I feel like I try to be the best me that I can be for the sake of being mentioned. I want to be love respected and valued. Anyway moving on, yada yada. I love this girl right. And she implies that when we get out this house. Our relationship will be in a much healthier state. I trust my girlfriend, and truly believe my self that having our place will be beneficial for the both of us. I'm not grinding 56 hours a week and studying just to have sex more with my girlfriend no. But I also don't want to get to a point where I putting fourth all this effort for someone who doesn't even see's me as a romantic partner. I mean honestly we've ed with her Dad right above us no problem. But now all of a sudden it " turns you off?" Look I just want to know if I should A. Tell my girlfriend how I feel and see if we can compromise on something sexual. Maybe a hotel get away once a month or a spa thing. Maybe rent a car, and along side a beach. You know outside the house so if feels less...restricting. Or B. Just mirror her actions, you know pretend like I don't hear her. Or maybe say no the next time she asks me to rub her feet or her back. I can stop trying to make eye contact with her, seem less interested. My only concern with that is for one I'd have to be completely faking it because I LOVE THIS WOMAN TO DEATH, and OUUUUUUUUUU I wanna her so bad. I've experienced a time when I felt like she wanted it more than me. Now, maybe we get out of this and everything goes back to the way it is but even better, because we over came a predicament. I've read several things and I feel like I can do one or the other but not both. I honestly don't want to do either. For one my girlfriend hates talking about sex, and I feel like this would just push her away even more. The second one, I feel like I can just stop being a ing YES man all the time, and make her do everything for her self. But for one that would be drastic and would probably do more harm then good. Plus, she's insecure if I lost interest in her I feel like she's question her self and I don't want her to do that. To me she's the most gorgeous thing that graces this earth. So, why not treat her like that feel me? So yah, just let a playa know what I can do to get the woman I love to understand that if we had more sex, it wouldn't negatively impact out relationship.
  7. My brother and I have always had a pretty good relationship despite living in a turbulent household (parents always arguing and dad, cheating). We're both in our twenties and I'm his older sister by 5 years. In our culture, we stay with our parents until marriage, and family is everything. So despite all the turmoil between our parents, we've all always tried to work things out to keep our family together. I've always been a mega nerd, scoring high marks and basically just dedicating my life to academics. My brother's always been extremely social and has gotten into trouble over the years (getting arrested, stealing money from our parents, partying day and night, getting kicked out of university). Basically, although we've gotten along well, we're obviously different people. Everything was fine, and then he moved to Australia for a year. I cried at the airport. Despite the move, we still had a great relationship, and talked on the phone for hours at a time. He moved back a few week ago, which I was so excited about. However, he's come back a monster. He started going on rants about how he truly understands what life is about now, and that we're just doing everything wrong as a family. He said he's going to "fix" everyone. He started by screaming at dad in front of construction workers about his cheating behaviours, even though we were all embarrassed and told him to stop making this a public problem. He continued by going to dad's workplace and arguing with various workers about what their exact role is and what they accomplished that day. He grabbed dad's phone at various times mid-call and would ask questions to the person on the other end, to make sure he wasn't cheating. He then attacked mom about how she takes pain medication (recovering from shingles) because that's "poison" to her body and that she should instead do weed. My mom is conservative and very straight-edge so she'd never do that, but he continued on about how she's closed minded. He got into fights with her over some other things too and called her two-faced and a liar. He then attacked one of the twins, who broke up with his girlfriend early this year. He accused him of still talking to the girl. Twin showed his phone and everything, but our brother still went on a rampage about how he knows he's still totally talking to her. He yelled a bunch at the other twin too which resulted in the twin crying, even though the twins are 19. Then came my turn! For some background info, I tried out anxiety medication (Zoloft) at the end of 2018 and had a severe reaction. Right away I became incredibly lactose-intolerant and extremely sensitive to all kinds of foods, resulting in severe diarrhea or throwing up. My doctor disagreed that the Zoloft caused this, but the specialist I saw told me it definitely could have been a rare but severe side effect from this psychiatric drug which is known to be harsh on the stomach. He gave me a simple diet to follow and expected me to build up a tolerance against these reactions. Regardless, what was important was that either way, I was not well. I followed his instructions though and my reactions lessened, but haven't fully gone away yet. So, back to my brother. He randomly confronted me in the kitchen, asking me to tell him what's "really" going on. Honestly, I had no clue what he was talking about. He started glaring at me and telling me to tell him the truth. Turns out, he thinks I'm just pretending to have these reactions so that I have an excuse to not have to study (I'm trying to get into law, and was waitlisted twice due to a low lsat score). He even confronted the twins about how it's suspicious that I was waitlisted in a row, that he doesn't think I even wrote the lsat, which thankfully the twins saw and had the emails of. But that didn't stop my brother from continuing his rampage. He claimed I'm just pressured to go into law (untrue, it's very much so my own choice) and so I'm totally faking all this. I was pretty shocked, and told him that this is all real, that he could take a look at my previous blood test if he wanted. Unfortunately, while looking for it in my binder, I remembered that I had thrown it out as it didn't show anything substantial. This triggered my brother into a craze as he started ranting about how he's "catching the lies" and that I should fess up right now. At least my parents and the twins all know this is all real, and told him to stop acting like this, but he doesn't listen to anyone. Finally, I was discussing how upsetting this was to my mom. That's when my brother came barging in and started accusing me all over again. He said I maybe even secretly do drugs (ridiculous). I asked him why he even thinks all this nonsense, and he said, "I'm just saying that you should really tell me the truth because it's going to be so awkward for you when the truth comes out at the doctor's". He believes the doctor will let us know that this is all a fake ruse or that I'm doing drugs which cause these reactions. I got so upset that I got teary, and then he said that if I was being honest, that I wouldn't cry. That made me even more upset, and then he accused me of fake crying to garner sympathy from mom. He also accused me of lying about the anxiety medication, saying that first I called it Zoloft, and then I called it Sertraline (which is just its drug class, my god). He says everything I say is suspicious and so interesting, as he puts it. Every single day he rants about how I'm a liar. He yells, "my sister has been lying to all of us for 3 years! She's basically 30 and she's going no where!" Not only am I not at all 30, but it hasn't even been a full 2 years since I got these reactions. Further, these reactions happen about once a week to once a month, if even, when I accidentally consume dairy or something greasy/upsetting. It doesn't stop me from studying or living an otherwise normal life. My mom wants me to take him along to my next doctor's appointment, and while I can't stand him, I'll do it just so he shuts the hell up about me. However, even if he apologizes later to me, I don't think I can ever see him the same way again. My academic accomplishments define so much of my life. My wall is covered with my awards and scholarships over the years as school has always been the one thing I'm good at. It's the only thing I'm so proud of. I worked my ass off and even helped my brother to graduate from high school, which he always credits me with. And so for him to accuse me of being a fake actor, feigning an illness for 2 years just so I can avoid studies, is so insulting and hurtful to me. I have a bachelor's, double minors, and double certifications. My life has revolved around my education and my family knows that. He told my mom he'll accomplish double what I have by the time he's my age though, and that I'm wasting away my life, pretending it away and lying to everyone. My next appointment is with a stomach specialist (gastroenterologist) and so it'll be a long wait, but the time between now and then is killing me, hearing him yell out accusations day after day. I've totally had enough of this. I feel so distressed and angry when I even hear his voice. He's supposed to be my brother, acting like family and supporting me, not discouraging me, doubting me and accusing me. Our last argument happened when he burst into my room, yelling out accusations again but this time I exploded on him. My hands began to shake in anger, and once again he said if I was innocent then I wouldn't even get angry. I have NO idea why he's gone insane like this since he's gotten back from his trip, but he's completely destroyed our relationship and I want nothing to do with him. I can't even believe this is really my brother, who I loved so deeply and cared so much about ever since we were little. It's like something has come over him in the worst way. I feel very picked on and bullied. Not even my worst enemies have spoken to me in the way my brother is. He claims he's doing all this because he cares for me and wants the truth to come out. Just crazy. Obviously, this is all still happening and I'm very angry and heated still, but I really do believe I don't have love for him anymore in my heart. In fact, I can't stand him. If I never saw him again, I'm confident I'd be just fine. In my heart, he's no longer a brother of mine. I do recognize he's young/not the most mature, but I still feel this way, especially since I know I'd never do this someone at any age. Am I overreacting?
  8. So myself and this girl have been working together for around a year and formed a really strong friendship and recently I have become single (3 months single) and I am starting to open my eyes to an opportunity here as I fancy the absolute pants off her. Recently we have become super close and openly talk about pretty much everything, family, career, friends, literally no boundaries between us especially since my break up. We sometimes play on this as we're so close a lot of people think we are together and have a bit of a laugh with them, however now she's met the parents and now the parents are going to meet, it kind of feels like we are having a natural progression of a relationship just without saying it. I kinda want to make the first move here but I'm worried about messing "us" up, as in the friendship, as well as rejection and all that. I'm not sure if I've already friend-zoned myself but it feels like I'm at the early stages of that and could just say what the hell and either tell her how I feel or just go in for the kiss, I'm unsure here. Also just got back from a meal where she has just met the parents properly for the first time, had a great night and they must be thinking we are together
  9. Hi, I really do not know what should I do? I am currently in a relationship, this September will make it 3 years now. I told my parents about my boyfriend a few months ago. They did not have a good reaction. They told me I was too young to be in a serious relationship. Mind you I am 19 years old. I really like this guy and him makes me feel special. What should I do, should I listen to my parents and break up to believe I am too young for a serious relationship or should I be strong and stay with the love of my life?
  10. I met my girlfriend about 5 years ago, and she was doing her master’s degree. We were all over each other, always holding hands and cuddling in public. It felt so good to have found someone finally. When she finished her degree, she couldn’t find jobs related to her study. She found temporary administrative government jobs, a few good, a few where she wasn’t happy with. She started complaining that she had stayed in town to be with me, that her original plans were to move somewhere else. Gradually, this turned into blaming me, that she had sacrificed her career for me. The intimacy we had gradually dropped to zero. She was now also blaming me for ruining her life, even though I had repeatedly guaranteed her that would support her as long as she needed to find a job she would be happy with. Beginning of last year, she found a graduate government job, which a two level pay-cut from her previous temp jobs. But this was a permanent job with promotion prospects. Again, it wasn’t in her exact field. She is now blaming me for having a pay cut and having to work at a job she dislikes. When she decided get this job without even telling me, she had temp positions in her field that got renewed, but without any guarantee. In fact, lucky for her that she took this graduate job, as she would have been out of a job if she stayed in the temp position when the COVID-19 crisis hit. And now, she wants to break up with me saying that I ruined her life by keeping her in town. I didn’t even know that she wanted to move away when we met and when she finished her degree. In retrospect, she has floated the idea of leaving town together and finding new jobs. But I told her that was too old to quit my job of 25 years at the university and hope to find equally paying one anywhere else in the job climate that was already deteriorating before COVID-19. Me leaving and losing my job would have been detrimental for my aged parents who count on my support, financial and emotional. In the meantime since early on our relationship, she was critical of my relationship with my parents, because I happened to live with them. This wasn’t a choice, but a result of me not having found someone to marry earlier in my career, so, having lost hope of finding someone, I stayed with my parents and took care of each other. Last year in November, I moved out of my parents’ house and moved in with my girlfriend. I had bought over the years the two house next to my parents as investment properties and it was ideal for us to move in into one of them. She made a big fuss about living next to my parents, even though my parents are not the nosy types, they don’t visit anyone unless invited. Finally, I convinced her to move in to the house two down. If we were young, there would be no issue for me to move somewhere else, even a different town, but my parents are over 80 and they need my help, financially and emotionally, my father has a pacemaker and they need my assistance in their doctors’ visits a few times a month, and they feel safe knowing that I am next door. My girlfriend is still unappreciative if the situation and keeps saying no one lives next their parents in the West, which can’t be further from the truth. I am 54 and she is 44. We are no spring chicken anymore, we are at the ages when people living away from their parents move back in closer, or even build a granny flat in their backyard to have them nearby. Besides, if we had left town, we’d be both out of jobs in the streets following the COVID-19 crisis, and she is still blaming me for ruining her life, costing her a career and the opportunity to have baby. I am at a complete loss understanding her, as I proses to marry her many times, she rejected it as she didn’t believe in marriage. I never wavered from my commitment to her, never cheated on her, have been always kind, loving, supportive and generous to her. Respected all her family even though she kept insulting mine for being too attached to me. I opened a house for her. It may not be fancy, but it is in a good neighborhood, and within my means to support her even if she lost her job. And yet, she calls me immature and that I need to grow up. How much mature can one be having had a stable job for 25 years (unlike her), supporting aged parents, made provisions for our future, mentored my nephews, having a reputation among friends as a kind and generous person, having an equally good reputation among my colleagues at work as well as in academia. I mean, what is it that she wants from me? Where did I do wrong?
  11. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, he’s my best friend and we have had a great relationship. On our third date he admitted he was a gamer and that he liked to do it in his spare time, I’d never been with anyone that did video games so I didn’t know anything about it. After 1 year of being together my parents decided to down-size their house and renovate it. My boyfriends parents offered for me to live with them until it was finished, which was very kind of them. We were both so excited to live together, I had my doubts as i’d only been staying round 2-3 nights a week previously so we’d never lived together before, let alone living with a family I’d only known for a small amount of time and was still getting to know. I did it anyway because, well, I didn’t have much choice and I thought it would be a good test before getting a place of our own. We’ve had our hiccups along the way, as you would in this type of situation, gaming had never been a big issue. I’d have something to say when it came to his days off, I’d ask him what he’d done and his reply was playstation, and noticed how he watched youtube videos of gamers at night before we went to sleep etc. but I never saw the extent to how much he played. Then Coronavirus happened… We were now both not able to work, living in his family home, with his parents and younger sister (who was back from uni), coping with these new circumstances and restrictions of this pandemic, stressful! I noticed more and more how much my boyfriend was gaming. We share one room together and when he goes on the playstation it interrupted the room space as he would need the TV and be shouting with his friends on the game. I would try and put my headphones on and watch Netflix on my laptop but I would still hear him (he has a loud voice!) or try and busy myself else where, but he would be on for 2 or 3 hours at a time. I even downloaded a game for my laptop to play for myself. This was happening every day. When he wasn’t on the playstation he played games on his phone and his laptop, resulting in majority of the day. I was becoming more and more resentful towards the gaming, I know we didn’t have much to do in this time at home but he would spend so much time on it and prioritise it over doing other things. I would react to his gaming, especially when he would prioritise it over doing something with me or his family i.e going for a walk with us. We would do nothing but argue about it, I would say that I don’t feel like you aren’t prioritising me and you’re playing too much and he would say that he wasn’t on it as much compared to other people and that it was my assumption what he was prioritising. I would question myself all the time, maybe I was being too needy or selfish. Why did I have such a problem? I also felt embarrassed because I knew his family could hear the arguing, they wouldn’t say anything but it would make me feel awkward. This repeated patten went on for weeks, almost 2 months to be exact. We tried to put in strategies and had loads of talks but realistically nothing was helping. In the end, I decided this wasn’t healthy and that I wasn’t going to accept this anymore. He had a massive realisation and had a breakdown and decided to get professional help. I felt complete relief but also respect for him for making this huge step. I wasn’t going crazy, I said I would support him getting help and try to move forward. It’s been 4-5 weeks down the line from him getting help, we’re still in lockdown, there have been some improvements. I have seen differences with him controlling the gaming, he gives himself a time limit and goes days without going on playstation or his laptop. On a whole it’s been better although there have still been times where I have found it difficult in trusting him. I have mentioned a handful of times when I’m feeling this way, that I am really trying but also need to voice my struggles. I want to trust him but there are times I still feel anxious and hurt by arguments we have. He’s even said I might need professional help too, because perhaps there have been events in my past (that I have gotten counselling for) is making an impact on why I’m struggling so much, I wasn’t sure on this idea but I spoke to his therapist, the therapist said starting any sort of counselling is a big decision and that it had to be 100% my decision not anybody else’s, that usually when someone wants you to go to therapy is because of a personal gain. My boyfriend admitted that this could of been true and has apologised, said it was because he didn’t want to be alone and feel like he is taking all the blame. I understood but it has still hurt me. Today he chose to play with his friends on the playstation instead of going for a walk with me, after we’d made arrangements. He said I was making assumptions again, that I was not trusting him or trying. Am I going crazy? I feel absolutely drained from this journey and although we are moving forward the problem still hurts me. I’ve left his house to stay at my parents and I just don’t know what to do, I love him to bits and we are currently buying a house together!!! Some advice and help would be appreciated.
  12. I haven't seen my boyfriend for 6 weeks (due to coronavirus lockdown) now as I live with my elderly parents and my 7 year old son. Today my sister who lives on her own came over for lunch. She was working at the office up until last week but working from home now. I asked mum about whether it's OK to visit my boyfriend since my sister is coming over now and she said no coz he's working and lives with flatmates. She said I can't maintain social distance with him. I was a bit angry as it's ok for my sister to visit and sit right next to my parents at the dinner table (she's visits supermarkets too and so are my parents once a week) , but not ok for me to visit my boyfriend. I am not sure if this is just an excuse coz they don't like him (since mum had said my relationship won't last as both myself and my boyfriend are not financially stable and he's an expat). They haven't yet met him. Wanted them to meet him at 6 months but they thought it was too early to intoduce him to my son even though his dad is out of the picture. What are your views?
  13. My partner of 4 years went away for a week on a family visit. Whilst on this visit, a family get together was arranged at the parents house. Included in the family get together was the ex who by all accounts is still friendly with the parents. To cut a long story short, my partner and ex, ended up sleeping in the same bedroom and in the same double bed that night despite the ex having another room prepared. I was not informed of any of this and only found out when I had suspicions. I was first told that they slept in separate rooms. My suspicions and paranoia knew that there was something more to this and I snooped in on a conversation they had been having on a chat site for quite some time which alarmed me. I was enraged with jealosy and hurt and at 4 in the morning texted the ex from my partners phone " M knows we slept together" The response was " "who has said something?" The next day I confronted my partner who then admitted that they had indeed slept together but were fully clothed. My partner also said that they went to bed in separate rooms but my partner awoke in the morning to find the ex asleep in the bed as well.needless to say a lot of alcohol had been consumed. I have been told that nothing happened and I have to believe that it didnt for my own sanity. On a break, about a year ago, they actually did sleep together. My mind is going crazy and I am struggling to deal with it. I need good strong advice apart from LTB which I guess will be the stock response.
  14. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We had a kid after one year of being together. I felt we were moving a bit fast but he seemed super excited about everything. It was all great. We’re not married, I would like to be. He’s a really great guy. But now that we’ve been together so long and there’s a kid now I feel like our passion and romance have pretty much been stamped out. There are times I look at him and know in my heart that he loves me and that I love him. But now we’re living together after he’s lived with his parents because of work for a while. (Which sometimes I feel like he was just escaping) because being a parent is hard and ever since my son turned one I’ve pretty much done it alone. Anyway. Now we’re living together again. I knew before that he watches porn. I used to have a big problem with it. But over time I’ve grown out of that. And come to accept that all guys watch porn. But now that we’re living together it bothers me more. For example: tonight after I put our son down to sleep. He went to the bathroom. I didn’t really think about it. Later when I want to get intimate with him, he’s tired. Mind you, earlier he was touting about how he hadn’t (chook chook) in two days. We call masturbating chook chook. But then why go do it while I’m putting our son to sleep??? Like don’t you think that I’d like to get close to you after a long day too? I’ve brought this up to him and he’s been sensitive about it. Luckily he hasn’t been a jerk like some guys I’ve read about. But it never changes! I’ll tell him how it makes me feel and that I think he’d rather chook chook than have sex with me. He just keeps doing it. I just don’t think he’s attracted to me anymore. I think he wants to f#%?the porn stars on his phone more than me. I’m just over it. I know that if I were to try and find another guy they would all just do the same stuff. What should I do? Sometimes I just feel like a friend or roommate rather than a partner or lover. I get the feeling I should just give up. And accept that I won’t ever feel that firey passion that we once had. That I am just a disgusting ball of nothing in a comfy hoodie. :’(
  15. My boyfriend and I are both in college. He moved here by himself and he doesn’t have friends here aside from the ones he met because of me. A chain of events happened and now he is living in my parent’s apartment style basement so he can save money. I live at my parents as well but I’m in my own room. I care about him so much and I don’t want to break up with him. I just feel trapped in this relationship and there isn’t any way for me to get out without making a mess of everything. I just don’t know what to do. I want to stay with him but I don’t.
  16. I am not sure what's going on with them, but there appears to be a sickness in the air. My parents and brothers have stopped giving a about their health. My brother stays in bed all day and expects miracles overnight and then eats like crap. I am physically and mentally fragile but I am doing my best to fix myself and turn this nasty situation around this is by being a better person but it seems that people don't want that. I can't move out either because the situation I am in. My entire life savings were stolen by a criminal broker.
  17. Hi everyone, I (25F) have been dating a really kind and loving guy (28M) for 3 years. He's a real-estate agent and when I first met him, I instantly love his vibe, how he talks to people and the way he treats others. He has never failed me these 3 years, he's consistent and responsible in his affection and would do anything to make me happy. Even though he doesn't come from a rich family, I love him and my family and all people around me and even strangers praised him for his friendly attitude, patience, and hardworking nature. I believe in his potential and the man he'll become. But the thing that bugs me is his parents and family. 1. His Dad Lazy, unemployed, likes to lend money to others, causing misery and leaving my boyfriend to pay for his debt. 2. His Mom Stubborn, a hoarder, bad health (yet isn't willing to listen to others for health advice), who would cancel doctor's appointments even though my boyfriend forced to bring her to hospital, would beg people (even my auntie's family) for money and airs her dirty laundry to my relatives. She would rely on my boyfriend to run her errands as she's unwilling to learn to use internet and be independent in this modern world. 3. His brother is okay, it's just he has clinical depression and I can't blame him for it. 4. His sister just doesn't care and can't wait to get out of their family. Their family has no: 1. Life insurance 2. Savings 3. Assets/inheritance They're: 1. Renting a house, all bills paid by my boyfriend. 2. Barely working and earning any income Recently, my boyfriend made his first mistake, a mistake so huge it reveals deeper issues within his family. My parents referred my boyfriend an important client (my auntie), hoping that it will open more doors for him in the future. Long story short, my boyfriend made a mistake of involving his mother (who's also an agent) in this deal and committed some kind of fraud (his mother's idea). This event scarred me so greatly and made my whole family distrustful of his true nature and why he let this happen in the first place. Yet the mom called my auntie, blaming and cursing her, and hang up the phone. A few days later, she still asked my auntie for recommendation in the future (what a shameless human being). Later I found out that my boyfriend did it because his dad is in another debt and that his mom wanted to start some herb business. It's a tough situation and he's helpless as he has to help his parents. I also found out that his mother only has $10 in her bank account and my boyfriend has to pay $10.000 for her business and another $10.000 for his dad's debt. I felt upset since from this event, my boyfriend clearly didn't know how to set boundaries between him and his toxic family. His career is not doing well and he's not someone who earns lots of money yet he still has to pay for his parents' sins before he's able to rise up. I have a lot of dreams and goals for the future. I expect him to earn a higher income yet I know that he won't be able to succeed with these parents beside him. I know it's not right but I wish his parents would stop sticking to him like parasites. I wish...I wish he would just disown them. My love towards my boyfriend can't mask the stress I felt if I were to continue this relationship. He will have to pay for his dad's debt and his mother's operation bills in the future (as she's unwilling to keep a healthy lifestyle and is unwilling to visit doctor). It's affecting my mental health and hope for a brighter future. Should I break up with this wonderful guy who just happened to be born into this horrible family? Is it time to let it go and be kinder to myself?
  18. Story is long but I need to get it off my chest and put it somewhere (tried to write it like a screenplay) If you decide to read it I'm sure you won't be surprised but I promise you it's a doozy. If anything, I hope this inspires someone involved in a similar situation to cut the chord loose much earlier than I did. This was an 8 month relationship that ended two weeks ago. Backstory: Date 1: Go back to her house. Sleep with her first night. Date 2: Her: I" need to be upfront with you. I'm trying to get off of Oxycontin." Me: "I appreciate your honesty. If you can get clean it's fine (mistake) but I can't be in a relationship with an addict." I notice track marks on her arm and self harm scars all over her left arm. I stay with her as she's going through Oxy withdrawals. (mistake) She starts taking Valium to try to ease withdrawel symptoms. Her father is addicted to pain medication. She admits to getting it from him sometimes and from a guy friend. A month later: Down to a quarter tab of Valium. No oxy. I fly out of state for work trip. I look on her public Instagram comments and she's inviting "an old friend of her deceased cousins" to come over and check out her new place - tells him she lives alone - and made plans to go to the museum (that I took her to on our first date). Me: "?" Her: "What's wrong?" I explain why it's wrong. Her: "I understand. I don't want to do anything or associate with anyone that would make you feel uncomfortable. It was just an old friend of my cousins." She blocks him online. Next day: Her: "Hey check out these old drawings I made. What do you think of them?" One was a drawing of her making out with an ex boyfriend. Me: "Why would you send me this?" Her: "It's just a drawing." Me: "So if I sent you a drawing of me making out with my ex you'd be cool with that?" Her: "I understand. Sorry. I love u (oops) sorry." (Hangs up the phone) I text her back: "I heard that." I come back from work trip. She tells me she loves me. I tell her I love her too. (mistake) She calls me one day: "I relapsed." Me: "Goodbye." (good move) Father calls us both on a three way call. Me: "I'm sorry but I can't be with your daughter." Father: "I understand. She needs rehab." Her: "Im so sorry (crying). Father: "You just need to focus on work right now. There'll be other guys." Two days later: She calls. Her: "Im sorry. I love you and want to fix this. I'm giving notice to my job that I'll be going to rehab." She quits job and puts herself on a waiting list for a private in-house faith based rehab. Me: "I need to know what else you lied about." Her: "The guy I stopped to get weed from one day when you were waiting in the car gave me valium. I never told you that." Me: "What else?" Her: "Nothing. I'll give you all my social media passwords." I go on her Facebook. Read chat of her inviting a guy over to her house. Me: "Who's Tom?" Her: "I don't know a Tom." I show her the chat. Her: "Ohhhh...It was a guy I was sort of seeing right before I met you. He moved around the time I met you. He was in town, reached out and wanted to come over and I said ok but with the intent to tell him in person that I met you. He came over, talked for a bit then he left." I contact the guy and his story matched hers (sort of): Him: "She was messed up when I came over. She told me about you. I was devastated. She was real sick like she was going through withdrawals. She asked me to rub her feet. I did. I tried to help her get to her bed. She said no. I left. Nothing more happened." I tell her you left out the part about him rubbing your feet and showed her the chat. Her: "Huh?" Me: "Why would he lie?" Her: (crying) I must have been so messed up. It makes me think of all the years on this stuff not knowing what I'm doing or what other people are doing to me. It's so scary. I'll never do it again." Me: "Anything else I should know about?" Her: "Here's screenshots of all my phone chats. Instagram chats etc." I see a screenshot of a guy asking her out for a drink. Me: "What's this? How'd this guy get your number?" Her: "It was one of my cousins friends (again) I ran into while I was out." Me: "Why would you give your number to a guy?" Her: "It was right after you broke it off with me. We weren't together." Me: "Moved on that fast huh?" She then goes on to tell me her doctor molested her and her sister when she was a small child. Her mother slept through her entire childhood and her dad worked all the time. She rebelled in school and got caught up into heroin at 19 from a roommate in college in which she dropped out of. 3 weeks later: I show up to her house unannounced with an extensive drug test. She takes it in front of me. Passes all of it. No oxy, valium, weed etc. Her: "I also plan on getting a vape to ween myself off cigarettes. I'm going to NA meetings, church, got a sponsor and I also got a number for a therapist I heard is really good. As long as I stick to the plan and go to therapy consistently I can face these things inside of me that led me to turn to drugs in the first place." I'm impressed. I move in with her. (mistake) She stays clean. She starts going to therapy. She has insomnia now. Can't sleep. She moves around in bed all night, gets up and down, restless leg syndrome etc. (Almost as if she's going through withdrawals still constantly.) After the third night of not sleeping, I get agitated. Me: "Why don't you go in the other room? I'm never going to sleep like this." She gets upset. I apologize for being insensitive and rude. Me: "I dont mind sleeping in the other room if you can't sleep. If I find myself not being able to sleep I'll move. It's ok." The next week it continues. I get up to go to the other room. She gets upset. Next night I wake up from her fidgeting. She huffs and puffs, aggressively grabs her pillow and goes to the other room. Me: "Why are you mad at me?" Her: (ignores and walks out) This pattern continues for a week. She just continues to get mad at me if I wake up. All it takes is for her to see im awake and she flips out. Therapy session (I go with her this time): Therapist says she's operating defensively in the relationship and I'm impatient with her at times. We go home feeling good about being able to pinpoint our problems. I get a two month job offer out of state. I fly out. She tells me she's staying straight, is so in love with me and misses me dearly. She said she finally got a vape, is quitting cigarettes today and smoking the last one right now. Will never have a single one ever again. Her (10:30pm): "I'm going over to my dads to pick up some bacon." Video chat (11pm - she's laying on her bed) Me: "Turn camera around to your nightstand." Her: "Why?" Me: "Just do it real quick." She turns camera around. Pack of cigarettes sitting on nightstand. Me: "Why do you lie?" Her: "I didn't. I said today was the last day." Me: "You said you were smoking your last one earlier." Her: "Im sorry. I just figured it was the last day." Me: "Where'd you get the cigarettes?" Her: "My father." Me: "You said you were getting bacon. You lied." Her: "Now you're making me feel bad." Me: "How do you think I feel? I can't trust you. And why is your father enabling your habits?" Me: "What else is he giving you?" Her: "He gave me a bag of weed brownies to sleep." Me: "Does he understand he's getting in the way of his own daughters recovery?" Her: "...." She eventually apologizes. Next day: Her: "I think I ate too much of the brownie." Me: "How much did you eat?" Her: "A whole one." I contact father. Me: "She's telling me you gave her weed brownies." Father: "Yes to help her sleep. I told her to take a quarter of it. They are strong." Me: "She ate a whole one." Father: "What? s*** I shouldn't have given her any in the first place." Me: "She shouldn't be having any weed brownies in the first place." He calls me. Father: "You're right I shouldn't be giving her anything. I used to be an addict myself (He's still addicted to Valium) It's very difficult to go cold turkey with everything, I figure weed isn't as bad and can help her with her insomnia but she doesn't have enough self control to take the proper dose so I'll stop giving her anything." Two days later: I fall asleep early. She can't get a hold of me. I wake up next morning. A string of texts. She drank a bottle of wine and tried to contact my friends asking where I was. Me: "Why did you drink a bottle of wine and go off the rails like that?" Her: "My dad got it for me a while ago. I was worried about you and couldn't cope." Me: "Ugh. Stop drinking the whole bottle. Just have a glass or two here and there, jeez." I tell her she should come out and visit and get away from her environment. Her: I'd love to but I should really be looking for a job." Me: "Take a vacation and you can search for a job when you get back." I buy her a plane ticket. [in the meantime, she writes me some of the most beautiful words anyone has ever wrote me about how in love she is with me, wants marriage, kids, will never let me down, never lie, etc.] She flies out. My boss keeps handing us drinks one night. I don't want to be controlling so I don't tell her to stop (mistake) but well aware I'm going to have to babysit. My boss starts telling a story. She sits on the arm of the couch next to her with her feet on the couch. I tell her in front of everyone to get your feet off their couch. She swiftly sits down. My boss texts me: "She's lovely but I think you should take her home now." We leave. Her: "I want to go to the bar." Me: "You had like 5 drinks already. Let's stay in and listen to music." Her: "Ugh." Me: "Youre mad now?" We're staying at my friends apartment. He's not there. She walks to the freezer and tries to open a bottle of his Tequila. I take it out of her hand. Me: "Come on. Stop it." She walks over to the window and spits onto the public street below. We are downtown in a major city. At this point I tell her why we left my boss's (Mistake.) Now it gets ugly. Her: "f*** him." She threatens to leave and go to the bar herself. I tell her to stop, I walk in front of her and she slaps me across the face. I tell her I should dump your purse onto the street right now. Instead I dump it all into the garbage. Her: "I want to go home." I apologize. Me: "We're both getting out of hand. Let's just sleep it off and talk this out tomorrow." Her: "No. I want to leave." She pretends to book her flight. I go to bed. We wake up and I talk it out with her. She apologizes for how she acted. Two days later: I have to sit with boss to work all day. She decides to go grocery shopping and go to the library. She wears a very short black skirt. She never wears anything like that. She always dresses conservative. Me: "You sure you want to walk downtown like that?" Her: "It's not short." Me: "It's an inch from your ass." Her: "Ugh ok I'll change." Later on that night. Me: "What was up with the whole dress thing?" Her: "I was trying to make you jealous." Work is done. We fly home. She starts looking for a job. Sister (who has Borderline Personality Disorder) offers to help her with a computer program she's trying to learn related to her career. She wants her to go and stay out of town with her at a hotel while she goes to a work conference. In her off time she'll help her with the program. Me: "Are you sure she's actually going to help you? She doesn't seem to do anything she says she's going to do." Her (upset): She will. I'm going. Why do you need to be negative?" Me: "I'm looking out for you so you don't waste your time." She goes. Calls me next day. Her: "She lied. She's not helping me with anything. She just lays in bed when she's done or goes out." Me: "Told you." Her: "You're right. She just didn't want to be alone." Me: "I'm coming to get you." I drive out, pick her up (she had a few drinks at the bar that she told me about. I didn't care.) and show her a nice time. Went out dancing etc. I have a few drinks but start drinking water. She keeps ordering beer. 4 more. Me: "Why do you always need to keep drinking?" Her: "You always have a problem with me." I take her beer put it down, take her hand and pull her to the dance floor. She's happy now. Me: "See you don't need drinks to have fun all the time?" Driving home in my dad's van. She starts to climb into the back. Me: "What are you doing?" Her: "I have to pee" She has a bottle in her hand and she starts unbuttoning her pants. Me: "What? No! Come back up here. Why would you just take liberty to do that? Especially in my dads van." Her: "I have to pee!" Me: "Why wouldn't you ask to pull off at the rest stop first?" Her: "You don't have to make me feel bad about it. You act like it's that abnormal." Me: "Yes it is. What girl just does that out of the blue? It's not even my car!" Her: "We always did that if we were on a long ride" Me: "I could see if it was an emergency. But you didn't ask or anything?" I pull off to gas station. She's pissed. Doesn't talk to me whole ride home. I try to mend things and talk it out but stonewalling, silent treatment, resistance to resolution or admitting to or talking about any fault/mistake of her own was like pulling teeth. Sweeping things under the rug was her forte. The only thing on my mind is "she's off heroin, that's the main thing. As long as she keeps off the drugs, with time she'll slowly mature. Be patient, you love this girl." A week later at dinner: Vape juice falls out of her purse on the table. Me: "I thought you were lowering your dose. It's higher." Her: "They didn't have the lower dose." Me: "So why'd you buy it? Go somewhere else." Her: "I had my dad go get it for me. He just ended up buying the higher dose. What was I supposed to do?" Me: "Why is he buying this stuff for you anyway?" Her: ... Me: "Why do you let me find things out this way instead of being upfront with me and telling me? What else are you holding back from me?" Her: "I ran into my friend Mark." Me: "The guy who you sold you Valium while I waited in the car?" Her: "Yea." Me: "And...?" Her: "He's happy I'm clean." Me: "Let me guess, you got his number..." Her: "Yes" Me: "Goodbye." Her: "What!? I did nothing wrong!" Me: "Goodbye." I pack my stuff and leave. I get a hotel. I get a message from her father saying that she drove two hours to my parents house and is waiting outside because she thinks that's where I went. Me: "Tell her to leave" He does. I end up driving down to parents. She ends up seeing me on the highway, turns around and follows me to my parents. I walk in the house, my parents stop her. I go out to talk to her. Her: "I've been so selfish, what I did was wrong, I know what I need to do. I can be a good woman for you. I need to stop being so damn selfish." Me: "We need some time apart." She leaves. Next day: She pleads more on the phone. Me: "Do your parents realize you have these issues? Nobody seems to care about your recovery." Her: "I plan to have a talk with my parents." Next day: Her: "Told my parents how much I love you and how much you are helping me stay straight. Told my mother she never even seemed happy or acknowledge when I got clean and asked why?" Me: "What'd she say?" Her: "She said 'You never should of done any of those drugs to begin with.' She didn't even care. Dad seemed a bit more receptive to your efforts." Me: "I want someone whose values match their actions. You're always preaching the gospel to me but you never go to church or follow what you say." Her: "I can be that woman for you. Let's start going to church." I go back. (mistake) We start going to church every Sunday. She gets a job waitressing. Stops going to therapy. Day 2 someone steals her tips. Manager does nothing. She quits. It's the only place that plays music so she keeps wanting to go there even after quitting. Me: "Why would you want to give money to a place that robbed you?" Her: "I don't even care about that I just want to watch some live music" We go. (mistake) Bartenders see her and take forever to serve us. She starts to get pissed. I get her away from the bar and we sit at a table and watch the show. She has 3 drinks, I have two then a water. Band takes a break. Me: "Let's get some beer and go back to the house." Her: "I want to stay and watch the rest." Me: "Ok but you know the bartenders are going to give you a hard time" Her: "I dont care about them" Me: "I don't get it." Her: "Fine lets go." Now she's mad, walks all fast out of the bar. I try to explain to her they are going to be rude to us and the more you drink the more upset about it you will get. Her: "I just want one more drink. I wont cause a scene I promise" Me: "Ok lets go back in. I promise you they won't serve us and we look like idiots" We go back in. They ignore us. She starts yelling at the bartenders. Climbs up the bar and opens the beer taps so they flow out. I get her out of there. I calm her down and tell her to not let them ruin our night. Me: "When we get back to the house, I dont want to hear you even mention them or that place tonight. Lets just hang out and chill." She agrees, apologizes, cools off and we have a nice night. A week later (she's out of work): She's acting like she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Very snippy and distant all of a sudden. Me (all day): "What is up with you today?" Her: "Nothing's wrong." 8 hours later: Her (out of the blue; in a real nasty tone) "You think you'd offer to pay more for the rent and groceries since I'm not working. I cook for you and clean and you just want to do everything down the middle. ?" Me: "So instead of making an attempt to sit down and talk with me about what's on your mind like an adult, you pout all day and pretend nothings wrong like a child? If you actually talked to me about it you'd find out I was going to offer to contribute more if not all to rent and groceries until you got a job but instead you just want to be an a**h*** about it. Why don't you apologize?" Her: "No." I got so fed up I had a bowl of food in my hand and threw it right onto the table. Smashed into a million pieces and severed my hand. (instant regret) She helped me clean it and I went to the hospital to get stitches. Her: "Im using this as an opportunity to tell you you need to go to therapy." (In my head I'm like... "says the girl who stopped going to therapy who needs it more than anyone.") Me: "Yea I need to find a way to control my anger. I shouldn't lash out like that." I get stitched up. Next morning: Her: "I had a dream we were in a bathtub and we were face down under the water. My little neice came in and said 'That's dangerous'. I think it means our relationship is dangerous and toxic." Me: "We just need to communicate better. We can solve this. Let's start going to therapy again." Sunday: We get ready for church. Me: "I think I'm getting the flu. I feel it in my head and throat." Her: "Hm." We go to church. I'm coughing. We go to lunch after with her grandparents. (The grandmother is the only one who constantly tells me to keep an eye on her and that I need to not let her get away with anything. She seems to be the only one in the family who acknowledges how troubled she is.) Grandmother: "You sound terrible." Me: "Im definitely getting sick." I start noticing my girlfriend isn't acknowledging it weirdly. We go to her parents after. I'm struggling. She's helping her mom and I'm watching TV with her dad. It's getting close to dinner time. Her: "We better head back soon if we're going to make it to night church." Me: "Night church?" Her: "Yea." Me: "I didn't know we were going to that." Her: "I talked to my grandmother earlier about it." Me: "Oh ok I didn't know anything about it." We leave. I'm confused. We get back to the house. Me: "How come you never asked me if I was feeling up to going tonight or even talking to me about it?" Her: "You were standing next to us when we were talking about after church?" Me: "Ok I didn't hear you guys and why wouldn't you ask me if I'm feeling up to going tonight when you knew I was sick" Her: "You don't seem sick right now." Me: "..." Her: "Oh now you're mad again. I've been wanting to go to night church for a while now. It's something I want to do." Me: "Ok you could be nice about it though." She leaves. I check my temperature I'm at 104. The next week I'm pretty much bed ridden. She takes care of me. She stays with me all week, only leaves to visit parents and go to night church. I dont get any sleep. I'm coughing all night. She's really patient with me and I tell her I appreciate the hell out of her. My uncle passes. She has a job interview. She misses it because she got the time wrong. She reschedules it for the day before the funeral. We plan to stay at my parents night before the funeral so the plan was to take her to her interview on the way to my parents. Day of interview: I'm coughing up a lung still and feel terrible. I tell her to make sure she has everything she needs. I'm spacing out while driving and nearly rear end a guy. Me: "Sorry I feel awful." Her: "He kept breaking. It's not your fault." Me: "Yea but I probably shouldn't be driving." She says nothing. We get to interview, she forgets her SS card. Her: "We might as well just leave now and forget it." Me: "You might be ok, I wouldn't sweat it." She's quiet now and agitated. Her: "Well I better go and see what happens." Me: "Good luck babe." She says nothing and sort of slams the door hard. Her interview goes on for 3 hours. Her (via text): "Hey sorry its taking so long they are showing us around the property and giving us a lecture." Me: "It's ok. I'm just napping." Her: "I totally owe you for this. Thanks for being patient babe." She gets out. Feels good about it. Never asks how I'm feeling but whatever. We stop at convenient store. Her: "Can you buy me this water and chips?" Me: "What happened to you owe me one (being playful)" Her: "Lol. Ok I got these babe" Me: "I wish I could get candy but I don't think any of this stuff would be good on my throat." Her: "Why don't you get sour patch kids?" Me: "I'm sick babe. I just said I can't have any candy like this." Her: "Ok well don't act like I don't know you're sick. Why don't you stop acting like a ?" Me: "What? Don't ever call me that. We're in public!" She storms to the register and pays. Walks to the car. It's locked. Me: "You know that was uncalled for. You should apologize for calling me that." Her: "Open the door." Me: "No." She then proceeds to walk onto the highway and leave. I just let her go. She comes back. I'm in the car, she gets in. Me: "Why can't you apologize for that?" Her: "You were being a you apologize." Me: "You called me a in front of everyone. Come on!" Her: "Well maybe I shouldn't have said that." Me: "So apologize." Her: "..." Her dad calls. Her (to her dad): "Im not taking anymore of this abuse. Dad can you come pick me up?" Me: "Wow..." I get all her stuff out of the car, put it in front of the store and drive off. 5 minutes up the road I turn around. I can't leave her in front of a store an hour away in some strange town. I go back. Me: "Im sorry I over reacted. Let's just go to my parents." Her: "I dont know what I want to do. You should just go. My dads already coming" Me: "Tell him to go back. Lets work it out." I grab her stuff and put it back in the car. She gets in. Her mother calls. She wants to talk to me. Her mother: "Don't you ever leave my daughter in some strange town again. And if you ever put your hands on her I'll come after you." Me (to my girlfriend): "Well your mom hates me and thinks I might be hitting you now. Jesus I can't win." Her: "Don't worry about her." She's quiet most of the ride. Me: "Do you really want to be with me?" Her: "..." Me: "Well that says everything." Me: "Do you love me." She nods her head yes. We chat a bit but things are kind of distant until we get to my parents. We both act like nothing is wrong until we get alone and she gives me a frowny face comes up to me and hugs me. Me: "We both need to calm down" Her: "What did I do?" Me: "You shouldn't have walked into traffic like that." Her: "You want me to apologize when you didn't let me in the car?" Me: "See? Now we're going to argue again. We both acted out wrong. Let's just admit it." Her: "You're right." We mend things. (for now) I'm still coughing up a lung. My hands still messed up so I rewrap my hand. Me: "How's it look? Her: "Looks pretty good!" She then for some reason I'll never know smacks my hand pretty hard. I'm in pain. Me: "Why would you do that?" She laughs - "Oh s***, sorry lol" Me: "Why is that funny I dont know why you'd do that?" I go into the bathroom and one of my stitches came out. I shower. I come back to the room and she's all chipper about making the bed. Her: "How's it look?" Me: "Nice but my hand is killing me and my stitch came out. I still don't know why you did that?" Her (upset): "You f***ing hate me. You always have a problem with me." Me: "..and your problem with me is my reactions to your oddball behavior." We go to bed. She's crying. I'm coughing up a lung. Next morning: She sits next to me in the bed with a cup of coffee. Her: "Here want some coffee?" Me: "Sure. Thank you." Her: "So I wanted to come in to let you know that I'm going home. I decided to have my father pick me up." Me: "? Why?" Her: "You didn't even console me last night while I was crying. You have major issues with me and I think we need time apart. You should stay here and get better." Me (pissed): "You dont even make an attempt to talk to me to work anything out. Why don't you ever do that? You're just gonna leave?" My parents overhear. She walks outside to wait for her dad. Me (to my parents): "Can you believe this? She's just gonna leave." I get so mad I start going in on her and her family. Me: "They're so effin backwards. It's like upside down land down there. Her parents give her pills. Everyone's all pilled up. No guidance. No solutions. No one cares. Just run away, escape, numb etc. They're all hillbillies out there." She overhears this and leaves. She calls me the next day. Her: "I don't think this is going to work. You insulted my family. We're too different. We're not good for each other etc." Me: "You want to break up with me now? After all I've put up with and all the second chances I've given you?" Her: "You get way too upset with me. It's toxic" Me: "Ok then." She hangs up. I text her that night. Me: "Why can't we just work this out, continue therapy and learn how to communicate better?" She calls me at 4am (she had drank an entire bottle of wine) Her: "Why are you so mean?" Me: "I get so frustrated with you. You don't realize the things you do." We work it out. I convince her to let's try again. She was reluctant but agreed. I spend two more days with my family and then drive out. During my drive I send her a song about how we both scarred each other but it's all worth it to keep working on each other. She responds with a song that says 'the storm is coming. it's not here yet but it's inevitable.' It's as if she's already anticipating problems. I stop at the store get her chocolates and a card. I get to the house and she greets me with half a hug. She sits down in the living room and doesn't seem too happy. I give her the card and chocolate. She puts it down. Her: "I don't want to hurt you." Me: "Look I don't expect you to jump in my arms and be all warm and happy with me. But I think this relationship deserves another chance and to give each other time to warm up." Her: "I just don't know if I can get over what you said about my family." Me: "I don't mean it. I was angry with you leaving. Im sorry. Plus, you've done some awful things too that I gave you a second chance for. It wasn't easy but I never give up. Let's just grab some food, chill and let things play out naturally." She agrees. Over the next few days she warms up and everything seems to be going good. Two weeks, no arguing. No weird behavior on her part. We started getting along great. It started to feel like she was becoming more aware of her behaviors and was really trying to make a good run at this. Thanksgiving: 2 hour drive to my parents. 30 minutes into the drive... Her: "I forgot the food!" Me: "What? How? Ugh." She gets upset with me. Me: "Sorry. It's not a big deal. We both forgot about it really." She shuts down. 15 minutes of silence. She starts crying. Me: "Why are you crying?" Her: "It's not you. It's me." Me: "It's not a big deal we are half way there." Silence. We get to the house. Her: "Maybe if I wasn't such a burnout I'd actually remember things." I give her a big hug and look her in the eyes. Me: "Stop it. We both forgot the food. Plus, we left the cat outside. He needs to go in. It's a blessing." She feels better now. Thanksgiving was great. She had a few drinks at dinner but was fine. We head home 2 hours back. I play Phil Collins - "Against All Odds" for her. A love song that basically says 'You know me better than anyone. How could I be with anyone else?' Her: "Here's my response to your song..." She plays Genesis (Phil Collins) - "In Too Deep" Lyrics: "I love you but I can't take anymore." Me: "Well that was sad..." Her: "It's only a song." Then she pats me on the shoulder. Me: "I don't know. Seems to be some truth to that. Why would you choose that one?" Now she gets defensive. Her: "It's just a song. You're so sensitive." Silent treatment for 15 minutes. Then she puts a different song on that talks about how "I'm the one and only and I love you more than anything." She puts her head on my shoulder and we make it home. I'm more confused then ever. And now the finale... She had training for her new job two hours away on Monday morning. She decided to stay in a hotel close by Sunday night so she could just wake up and go. Before she leaves she makes me dinner and is all chipper and nice. Me: "Why are you so nice to me right now (joking)" Her: "Because you're always so nice to me. I love you." Her: "Do you want to stay at the hotel with me tomorrow?" Me: "If I can finish up my work tonight yea!" Her: "Oh yay!" The day comes and I can't go. Her: "Oh its ok babe. I'll call you when I get there." She gets to town safe. She calls me a few times saying she misses me and she's going to grab food. I don't hear from her for a while after that. 10pm: I text her: "Whatcha up to babe?" (no response) I call her. (no response) 10 minutes later... Her (text): I went down to the bar to have a drink. Call you in a minute. 30 minutes pass. Me (text): You free to chat? (no response) I call her. She picks up. Her (slurring): "Hey Im chatting to the bartender. I'll call you in a few." Me: "The bartender?" Her: "Is that a problem?" Me: "Not really. I don't know. Is it a guy? I just don't know why you wouldn't pick up the phone." Her: "It's a girl! And I texted you." Me: "Yea and you never called back." Her: "Oh just move out and forget the relationship. You can't live without controlling me." Me: "What? Everything has been so good since I got back." Her: "Yea because I submit to you and bend for you." Me: "What do I even ask you to do?" Her: "...." Me: "You can't even say one thing." Me: "Ive been with you through your darkest time, helped you get clean, supported you and believed in you when no one else did. Now you want to throw it all away because I bothered you while you're at the bar?" Her: "It's all me right? I'm always the problem." I pleaded she was over reacting. Then I just said fine I'll do as you please. I packed up and left. A full week goes by and radio silence. She texts my mother: "He broke up with me." Mom (to her): "You guys need to talk it out. I thought you both said you smoothed things out. You're just done with him now?" Her: "We don't need a mediator, we need a therapist to figure this out. I'm not going to solve this talking to you." Mom (to her): "You told him to move out and forget the relationship. That was you right?" Her: "I shouldn't have said that." Mom: "If you shouldn't have said that then you should take responsibility for your words and convey this to him." She calls me the next day. Her: "This is never going to work out. You're too controlling and you have a bad temper. I'm sorry. I need to focus on myself." Me: "What happened to 'I'll never leave you, we can work through anything" and all the bible verses you quote about staying together and working things out? Her: "Sorry. Maybe one day I'll become a better Christian." That was it. Never heard from her again. Until her dad texts me out of the blue. Her Dad: "Did you call me and my family inbred hicks?" Me: "No. But I saved your daughters life, helped her get clean, believed in her when no one else did, and pointed her in the direction for her to become the best version of her self she can be all while being more loyal and forgiving than any man could possibly be in this situation." Her Dad: "Well maybe I shouldn't have gotten involved. Time tends to heal and calm things down. That's my advice. Thanks for setting my daughter straight. Everything after that is between both of you." That was it. Two weeks have passed. Never heard from her again. I get a text from her Dad out of the blue two days after. Her Dad: "Did you call me and my family inbred white trash?" Me: "No. But I did save your daughters life, believed in her when no one else did, helped her believe in her self, and treated her better than any man ever has or ever will. Her Dad: "Well I appreciate you for setting her straight. Everything beyond that is between you two. I shouldn't have gotten involved." It seems she was telling everyone I broke up with her and that I was badmouthing her family as a way to take responsibility for breaking up with me off her plate. In the end, there's a part of me that worries she will slip right back down into the dark hole she was in when I met her. I know its not my problem anymore but man when you get that deeply involved with someone so troubled it's hard to not care about what might happen to them. What I learned about myself is that I latch onto wounded girls because of my relationship with my mother. My mother and father always had conflict. So I would always tend to my mom to comfort her. As I got older, I always grew a softspot for girls who conveyed to me they had issues they were dealing with. I know now I can't fix them, I now know I need to choose more wisely. But man, I had to learn that the hard way. At the end of the day, I'm glad I know better now. Part of me still wonders if she will ever wake up and realize what she had in me. I was her only true ally. Will she ever see that she was the actual problem the whole time? Thanks for reading.
  19. My husband and I just got married, though we've been together for 5 years. Every other part of our relationship is fine, but we have one major disagreement that we can't seem to settle ourselves. He feels that it's absolutely necessary to spend holidays together and take turns with whose parents we see each year. His parents live in Wisconsin and mine live in Oregon and we can't afford two trips. Family is more important to me than the actual holiday, I just want to be with my parents. I compromised this year and agreed to see his parents in Wisconsin and it's absolutely killing me that I missed out on my own parents. I'm lucky to have in-laws who love me, and his parents are very sweet, but that doesn't cover up the homesickness I feel for my own parents. Am I so crazy for suggesting that we spend a couple of weeks apart for the holidays so we each get to see our own parents? We are together constantly for the rest of the year. I just don't think a couple of weeks apart once a year is such a big deal.
  20. Well technically, it's been a few days. My sister and I are very close, and despite the big age gap (she recently turned 14) we've always gotten along. Needless to say, I absolutely adore her and had never thought or suspected this so it was very unexpected. A few days ago she sent me a text message with a link to a word document and told me to watch a vid- volume turned low and alone. Which I did so, the very next day. She tells me she thinks she's gay, that she might be bi, has found some guys attractive, but has never had a crush on a guy. Also, that due to lack of interaction with guys and going to a girls school all her life, it was hard to say. Apparently all her close friends know and that she was done putting it off so she's decided to tell me. She says she's been thinking about this for nearly 3 years, and that she really didn't know how I'd react, that she always felt paranoid when I had her phone and had to mute group chats fearing I'd find out. She tells me she hopes I'd understand, that I wouldn't just dismiss this and to never tell our parents. I cried reading the message. I had no idea and was emotional that she felt hesitant to tell me. I told her it's okay, that all preteens and teens were confused. I had crushes on girls too and had kissed girls out of curiosity when I was younger. That it doesn't matter either way, because she was my sister and I loved her. It doesn't change anything and that I was so touched she felt she could tell me and that I was on her side no matter what. I got very choked up thinking that she felt the need to almost beg for my support, that when she said it was hard for her, it really must be because our parents are very homophobic. I definitely will not be saying anything to them. I haven't acted differently and our interactions have been the same as usual, but I wanted to know since she doesn't want to talk about this in person and just through texts, should I ever bring it up? I really don't care what she is, it was just extremely unexpected that's all. My parents are unfortunately homophobic and very conservative, and I really don't know how they'd react when she does ultimately tell them. She has always been a major overachiever and has made my parents very proud through the years. However, my parents have never been very supportive or understanding in general. They have a tendency to guilt trip, be somewhat emotionally abusive and I am dreading what my parents would think. I pray that my dad doesn't end up reacting in a toxic or temperamental way (as he does on a daily basis) saying things he can't take back. Any experiences with close family member or siblings coming out? Any advice would be highly appreciated.
  21. Ever since I was a kid, I knew that my parents aren't the kind that say I love you to each other, nor do they hug, or even like each other. They often fight in front of me and my siblings; in the car, in the bedroom where I slept in, in the living room, on the street when we were traveling. One time I was eating and they were fighting next to me and my mom was talking about my dad's affair. It broke my heart that they would let a children hear that. They fought a lot that sometimes when I'm in my bedroom in silence, I feel like I hear them screaming and fighting, even though there is no fighting. But now they don't fight anymore. And I don't know if it's good or bad. On the bright side, I don't have to hear the screaming that always makes me scared anymore. But, unfortunately, no fighting means they don't talk. Ever. It's been almost a year since I hear them talking more than a minute to each other. They pretend the other doesn't exist. They hate each other too much to talk and interact. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. It's even worse now that my dad has just recently retired from his job which means he's going to spend most of his time at home. I never liked weekends where both my parents are home, it's so uncomfortable, though they never even talk to each other. It just feels miserable. But now it's not only weekends, it's everyday! Especially now that it's nearing the holidays. I am not at all excited for it. I wish I could just skip it you know. I don't like my whole family gathering up because it's probably gonna be a lot of resentment and conflicts and I'm not ready for it. I can't wait to graduate from college and move on to another country. I can't wait to get out of this mess. I love my parents, they're great parents individually. But they're not great when together and that is why I need to get out. Any advice on how to deal with this? Especially with the holiday coming around soon? I'm trying out meditation and reading a lot of self-help articles, it's been really helpful. I'm not as sad as I used to be about this. I 'm taking control of my life and my own emotions but still, sometimes, I can't help but feel trapped and miserable.
  22. My situation may be a no brainer for some people, but I'm stuck. Mainly because of my emotions. I'm sorry, but prepare for a long back story. Ever since I was a kid, my parents have had money problems. My parents didn't bring anything up to me as a child, but being nosey and listening in to their conversations, I always knew what was going on. Flash forward to me going to college, my parents footed the bill for 3 semesters. During the 3 semesters my mother was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to me, ever since I was a kid. But she pretty much said you're not going to school, you're a burden, whatever balance remain5on your tuition you pay it off. All the abuse continued for about 6 months. I was able to land 2 part time jobs. I didn't make much but I made sure that when my family needed me to contribute when I could, I did. But my mother was still abusive. It took me about 4yrs before I got my real first job! Benefits and all. I was ecstatic, mainly because I could really help my family especially since my father lost his job and my mom hadn't worked since my siblings were in school and still doesn't. Money was super tight, we lost our home, rented homes and are still renting now. At that time I felt that I wanted my independence. I wanted my own home. I brought it up to my parents and they both shot it down. My mother with the emotional abuse. Then my dad throws out that he needed heart surgery and the family needed me at this time. Of course I felt like crap and didn't feel like I could leave. At the same time my dad lost his job and used his severance package to go on a cruise, multiple trips to Disneyland and a cousin's wedding in San Diego. I was pissed, mainly because I was working my ass off, had to take over as the breadwinner and had more responsibilities and bills to take care of in addition to my own stuff. My parents are religious and use the bible to control everything, so every time I brought something up, they shot it down. My dad had his surgery and granted he did have some issue recovering because of his diabetes, he pulled through just fine. That was 3 years ago. Despite all of that, I didn't want to let my family stop me from pursuing a different career. I did. I knew that it was going to be hard, just the job itself. Anyways my mother sat at the table and told me that her and my dad were completely broke. She said she told him to work, but he didn't want to and they had nothing. She said that I'd need to completely take over everything and that'd everything would be hard until my father was able to find a job. This was all while I was starting a new career in law enforcement and needed all of my time and focus in the academy and learning the job itself. So I did. The problem quickly became worse. I took a pay cut with this new career. Starting way at the bottom and having to work myself back up. I quickly saw how I couldn't pay the rent (which was and still is more than 1 paycheck even with overtime), my bills (student loans, car payment, insurance, families cell phones, credit card, other actual necessities) plus their car payment, credit card, and other bills they would ask to be paid. Plus every bill they asked to be paid was late and cost way more money to be paid. I told my parents that I couldn't pay for their credit card and their car payment. My other 2 brothers stopped going to school and are working because of my parent's financial issue as well. My sister is turning 18 and about to graduate from high school. I know they'll ask for her help as well. About 2-3 weeks ago my parent's van was repossessed. I paid $1700 for them to get it back, but I wish I never did. My parents said the car is almost paid off with about$2400 left on the car. They expect me to pay off the car. They said they would sell the van and pay me back, but as usual it was a lie and I fell for it. They never drive it. They hide it in the garage to avoid another possible repossession. They expect to drive my car everywhere because I have gas even though my brother pays for gas for their cars. I'm to the point where I hate coming home. I can't stand seeing my parents. Every time I ask them certain things like are they planning on working, they say yes. Nothing gets done. I come home every day and my dad is on the couch watching tv and my mother is playing video games on her stupid tablet. I ask why they hand me bills late and my dad says its because me and my brother keep getting mad. He said he didn't know how he was able to pay all of the bills when it was just him working. That was when we were kids. It seems as if my parents are penalizing me for what they did as parents. They have nothing at any this time if they work, they'll be working until death because they have no savings or anything. I do love my parents but I'm two seconds away from walking out of this house and never coming back. They're using all of their children as cash cows and I can't stand it anymore. Every bit of money that I've saved up is gone. I'm living paycheck to paycheck. I refuse to let myself fall behind on my own bills. My parents are showing no since of urgency with anything. I believe it's because my siblings and I always bail them out. I want to leave but I feel like I'd feel so guilty. I guess it's the emotional abuse and manipulation they always put me through. They go to church and believe that God allows us to suffer so we can keep praying and depending on him. I literally cannot do this anymore. They keep saying that I'm the oldest and are expected to help out. But I literally cannot anymore. I need advice, I need to vent, I need to not be in this situation anymore. Sorry for the rant and the long long essay.
  23. Hi all, I'm new to the forum and really need some help trying to put things into perspective. I'm on the brink of ending my relationship with my fiance. We have been together for 5 years. Engaged for 2. We have two children, 15 months and 7 weeks, both of which were planned. We do not live together. She lives with her mum and our children and I live with my parents. The plan was for us to save up to buy our own place but this is taking longer than we both expected. I have been very unhappy, pretty much since the birth of our first son. From the start, everything was her and her mum, and for me I was just a convenient person to have around, to go and get something or go and do the shopping. I was an outsider, I wasn't allowed to do anything with my son and when I did I was told it was wrong. It wasn't wrong, it was just different to how she and her mum did things. I had difficulties bonding with my son, because I wasn't able to do what came naturally to me, I was having to adapt and do what was natural to her and what she thought was best. Our relationship became very strained and I pushed myself away. Our first child was breast fed for approx 6 months and our new baby is currently being breast fed - I accept that this is her role and not something I could/can do. I'm going to focus on my relationship with our 15 month old here because that is the long standing issue and I know that a newborn needs to be with his mother, especially when breastfeeding. We have pretty much argued every other week for the last 15 months. Everything I do is criticised. I can only do what she tells me I can do with our children. It always comes back to routines. She says that I do not know his routine, like when he is tired, when he has his nap, when he goes to sleep on an evening - despite the fact that I shower/bath him every night. There is always an excuse - she says that I do not know his routine, while saying that he does not have a routine - he will sleep when he is tired. He will show when he is tired and that is when he will go to bed - always usually aroiund the same time depending on when he woke up from his afternoon nap. He will come up to me, lay his head on my knee and cuddle me - HE IS TIRED - yet when I ask him if he is tired - I get the same response back from her every time - he always does that. Even though he is tired, we then have to wait until she decides it's bed time - basically she will not acknowledge that I can read him like she does. It's so frustrating - afternoon nap time - he again showed signs he is tired - I asked him if he wanted to sleep (acknowleding my son who is showing me he needs something - he cannot yet talk) - yet again, no he is not tired, he always does that. 5 minutes later he is asleep on her. Whilst I do his showers, I am not allowed to put him to bed because I do not do this properly. He always wakes up when I put him to bed - he always wakes up when she puts him to bed - then I get blamed somehow - because I should be able to put him to bed and look after him. My parents have seen my 15 month old approx 8-10 times since he has been born. They were smokers and the first reason he could not come around to my parents house was because the smoke still exists in the house - total redecoration of the entire house. From that moment on, there is always a reason why my parents cannot see him - for example when he was going through a stage of putting everything in his mouth, he put my mums finger in his mouth (he did it with me a number of times) Her hands were clean as she washed them prior to us arriving - yet it was my mum putting her finger in his mouth. My parents and I were not allowed to kiss him, despite her and her mum kissing him all of the time. It got to the point that my parents seeing him so little, when they did see him they were so excited to see him - they they're overbaring. They have seen him 8-10 times in 15 months and for approx 30 to 60 mins each time. As it was causing a problem, we arranged a meeting between my parents, her, her mum and myself - this didn't end well - as usual it turned into an argument where she is right and no one elses opinion counts. My parents haven't see my first born since his 1st birthday, and the new born since the day he was born. Because my parents see very little of their grandchildren, I try and take as many pictures for them as possible. Before I send any pictures to my parents I have to send them to my fiance for her approval and because she should see them before anyone else should - yet she does not do the same back. I am not allowed to take any pictures of the children in her house - yet we very rarely leave the house. They is a clear issue between her and my parents - i've tried to be reasonable - she doesn't want them in her house, she doesn't want to come to my house, she doesn't want to leave the house - so my suggestion is to take the 15 month old to see my parents either at their house or somewhere neutral - no, because she does not trust me, I do not know his routine & it will effect his sleeping habits. I am not allowed to take him out on my own because she doesn't trust me. She criticises everything I do. It's got to the point that I am so used to getting told I am doing something wrong, and so afraid of doing something and being told that I am getting something wrong, that fear takes over and now I get simple things wrong - like putting a nappy on correctly. I'm scared of doing anything with my children. I am a shadow of the person I used to be. I am literaly like a zombie. We are not living together. I tend to stay at home/my parents each night and go visit the children each night and weekends. Stay, do the shower for the 15 month year old, watch some TV with her and then go home. I usually get home around 1-2am each night and start work at 9am. Any spare time that I have (when not working or sleeping a limited amount) I am at hers/her mums house, basically just sat there while they watch rubbish reality tv/game shows on the TV. I used to stay over, but as our relationship has strained I have stopped staying over. I used to enjoy watching sports but I am not allowed to do this anymore, because I have to sacrifce things I enjoy for the children. I have no problem in sacrificing anything whatsoever for my children. What I do have a problem with is spending my spare time sat in their living room - that is literally all that I do. Before we got together I used to go to the football, every game, home and away. Due to family commitments I now go hardly any games - because I should be spending quality time with my children/family. Only it's not quality time, it's sat in the living room being criticised all the time and living in fear of doing something that I am not allowed to do. She never wants to go out, and says it messes up his sleep. So bascially we have to stay in pretty much every day, and if/when we go out, she's always angry with me. I used to do a lot of overtime at work, to try and save for a deposit for the house, but i'm not allowed to do any overtime because she needs help with the children, only she does not accept any help. Basically I go to work and then I have to go to hers until the children are asleep. Then we watch some tv because it's the only time she gets to relax. Occasionally the 15 month old will wake up in the night - she gets really angry and frustrated, but she will not let me help. So I am bascically just sat there in the living room until she comes back down - sometimes I'm there until 4am, then have work at 9am. I feel like she wants to control all aspects of our childrens life and my life and does not see me as an equal parent. I am reaching breaking point at being controlled all the time. I have literally being miserable/unhappy since the birth of our first born. We have spoken about this a number of times and have been seeing a relationship counsellor. She twists everything I say and says it's untrue or a lie and the session usually focuses on her agenda. I have had enough. I did end the relationship around 5 months ago, only to agree to give it another try. Because she was pregnant with our second baby, and because she made it clear that I would not be part of either of the childrens life and I would not be named on the birth certificate of our second baby. She said that she would try and change and that she would try and help me learn what to do with the children. Basically from them on, I have to do what she says with the children and cannot use my own mind - yet when I ask her how she wants me to do something, she tells me to use my own initiative. I'm lost, I don't know what to do any more. I'm now at the stage where I am thinking it would be best for clean break from the relationship. She has made it clear that she would make things difficult for me to see the children - however I know that I have rights. I am thinking that although I would have less access to the children, I would have more quality time with them (have very little quality time at the moment) and I would begin to repair my life. I'm sure there are lots of things that I am missing here, im basically just asking for some perspective - am I right to feel like this? Should I be a better partner/father? Am I being selfish?
  24. Lately I have been feeling down about the world of dating . I dated someone like 2 years ago , relationship ended , haven’t been on a date since , kinda feeling angry about it . I feel like women have such an easier time , whereas for men it’s just ridiculous. I am trying to remind myself to be thankful for the things I have in life , I am 25 and got lucky with a really nice career , I live at home with my parents, rent free, and I got into collecting cars . I just can’t help but feel miserable about dating / women . Sometimes I think of my past relationship , and it’s always just thoughts about sex ..... Anyone ever feel this way or am I being too winey ?
  25. i really have everything in life. i have really nice parents, two brothers who love me, the best and funniest friends in the world, i draw quite well for someone my age (15), and (used to) have good grades, but due to anxiety issues my grades dropped a little, from A to B- or C. I don't know why my mental health is so debilitated, i don't have any major trauma or anything like that. I started being anxious/depressed one year an a half ago, maybe because of stress from school, but there aren't many people who have the same problems as me at my class. I take lots of medicine, but those don't seem to work as well as i wanted to, it just prevents me from suiciding instantly, wich i've tried two times. i really wanted to take this out of my chest, thanks if you read it till here.
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