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About Me

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  1. No one in this world loves me. I'm not close to my moms family and I live my life alone with no family around me. I got in contact with my estranged father after 20 years of no contact and found out that he has a 10 year old daughter. I made a mistake and looked him up on Facebook and his daughter is extremely beautiful. There are so many pictures of them out and about doing things and I developed this toxic jealousy against her and I feel terrible about it. I'm realizing he will never love me as much as he loves her. She's his little girl. Not me. He doesn't even know me. He attempts to message me almost every day but its normally just small talk. I want this relationship to work out but I struggle with the fact that he is very capable of living life without me. He did it for 20 years. What should I do about this?
  2. i'm almost shaking too much to ... to type this.. i don't .. want to die.. but it's killing me to live like this.. i ... i can't live without my mikey. i can't live with everybody.. hating me... because i can't do any thing. i can't be with them, i can't be without them.. i can't even cut myself right now.. this knife's too dull... and i.. i don't want to.. but i dont' know what else to do.. please.. tell.. me .. what to do.. i'm sorry... i've... calmed down some now.. whew..... ok.... but when you're rocking back and forth, whispering to no one in particular, "dream with me baby" and begging, ..... you know there's something wrong with your head. heh. as for my m... heh. as for that guy. he... i supposedly spoiled his plans for seeing me, because my parents are butt holes, and won't let me see anyone from anywhere. that and this part i didn't tell him, i can't see him yet because i haven't had that ... weird.. "sexual reassignment" crap done yet. so... yeah. he got mad, because i can't go visiting him and whatever, i spoiled his plans. me. my fault. i'm trying to ... fix my body, i'm bleeding for him (yes, i'm a cutter, i'm not going to say it any prettier.) i'm crying for him, i'm doing everything i can to speed up the whole change process, and... he... frack. i'm just... blown away. he's mad at me. the only one i've ever loved so hard, so... much. and he just.. walks away. just tosses it away. for what? nothing. i'm sure he's just as hurt, but he doesn't understand ...why. i'm just.. at a loss as to where to go from here. i was living day to day based on him. when i'd see him next, what i'd do, where i'd go.. what i'd do after high school... i changed my entire life plan around just for him. i suppose this is heard here often, but i'm not used to it. i've only had one other bf before (both online.. yeah, real stable.) and.. he just left one day and never came back. so... that was a kick in the pants, let me tell you this. i just.. don't know what to do. i honestly felt like dying. still do, but with much MUCH more sarcasm. man... i just need some help with.... how to... deal with this garbage. and i dont' mean "breakup advice" because that's not where i want this to go.
  3. I've become heartless, cold and angry, yet i don't know why, I got over a tough relationship with my ex girl and found myself angry. I was seeing other women after that but I could'nt care less about them. Lately at work i've been somewhat of an a..hole to my co-workers, I don't talk to the family much and don't really care much about my close friends problems. I know it's not because of the break up, I got over that, but I still feel like I failed as a man or a person in general, I'm unhappy with my life, I don't wanna be where I am, but i'm stuck, I support my sick parents financially, there are so many things I want and can't have, I feel alone but don't really want anyone in my life right now cause I don't wanna bring them down with me it's a dilemma I can't figure out, I know theres gotta be something I could do. I know i'm not depressed or in need of a shrink, I'm sure it's something simple...I hope
  4. I have a problem that makes me feel worse every day it seems. Whether or not it is a typical problem, I don't know, but it is a serious one in my eyes. It is about not being accepted for who I am. I am the kind of person that wears black alot. I'm not a dark, or evil person, just different from everyone else. My parents though, especially my mom, think I am just trying to get attention by making people think i'm evil. I honestly could'nt give 2 squirts of piss what anyone thinks of me, afterall, they will not influence MY life. Why anyone would think that black makes people evil, I dont know. It's just a color. I cannot talk to my parents about my problem, because they would not listen. They would only condemn my personality. My mom thinks that it is bad that i am so different from everyone else. Why though? Knowing that I cannot, and never will be able to be the person I want to be in the presense of my own family doesn't make it any better. I promise I am not a violent ot bad person, and I try to be accepting of ALL other people in everyway. Is there ANYTHING I can say to my parents that might make them change their mind about anything? That would maybe let them accept me for who I am? Right now I feel so helpless and depressed.
  5. Ok 2 jobs come up at the same time, i went for both interviews, one was for an I.T analyst, and i really wanted this job, the other was a networking job. The analyst was for a big company and the I.T area was really professional and the area i wanted to get into. The networking place, is for a crappy freight company, and its not even an I.T area they just need someone to help another guy out, i didnt like the work surroundings, it just didnt seem professional in the I.T area , it was just basically help this guy out with the servers (very small in one tiny room) with the problems they had etc. Both positions are same wage, the analyst was like 10 mins walk from me, and the networker job was like 40 mins on the bus. I got told today i didnt get the analyst job and i feel really down, the agency woman swore i would get it, i was confident and thought i had it, it was between 2 of us, it was just such a shock that i didnt get it and it kinda hurt. Thing is, i have to ring the other job back and tell thenm what i want to do, but im not sure im even interested in that job now, not cause of the other placement was better, thinkink of it now, im not sure i even wanted to work in that place. One more thing, my parents are always naggin me to at LEAST get something, i have been tryign real hard these couple of weeks and they havent said much, do you think they will MAKE me goto this position. I forgot to add that this networker job they want someone in there for like 2 years, im not sure i will even want to be there 6 months lol. dunno what to do any suggestions?
  6. OK... heres my problem.. i met this girl, and shes really awesome, nice.. a great influence.. shes great to hang out with. But i have a dilemma.. my parents are really paranoid about me and girls.. and i have to tell my mom about her.. and she wants to meet my parents.. but i dont know how to tell my mom.. im afraid of what she might say. PLEASE give me some advice or tips.. thank you!
  7. This will probably sound like just another general long-distance relationship, but i figured I might as well get an opinion other than my own on this situation. About a year ago, I went on vacation (a cruise to be precise) and met a few new people, one of which was a girl. On the cruise nothing special happened but we became friends. We talked online and on the phone for about 6 months after that and soon began to realize that we had a definite connection between the two of us. Eventually I told her that i liked her alot (yes in that way) and coincidentally she did the same with me. There was one problem, she lives about 12 hours away (driving distance) from me. We continued our relationship in a very simple manner: never forgetting the way we felt about each other, but at the same time not getting too carried away about it in the even that we didnt see each other. Recently, she and I both turned 16, but in her area she was able to get her liscence for driving, wheras I was only able to get my permit. Now that we can drive, she and I have promised to come see each other at some point. A few nights ago though, we talked about her coming out here to see each other sometime. She offered to come out the next day, but unfortunately her parents aren't too keen on her driving that long and far yet. I accepted it and told her not to worry, we will see each other soon at some point. Unfortunately though, my anticipation to see her (and hers as she's told me) has grown much more than usual. I realize it is only natural, but it is very hard to deal with especially when I know she won't be here tomorrow or something. Does anyone have any suggestions of things to do at all (beyond just thinking about something else) that might help me not worry so much about this? Has anyone else been through anything like this that could give me a few ideas?
  8. I'm really struggling at the moment and it is starting to make me a little bit depressed. I will try to keep my story short. I have always lived in the same small town but I wasn't encouraged by my parents to make friends at school (they preferred me to have friends in the church I was borught up in). So I was never very popular at school, with few friends. After that, I went to college in another city and made some good friends there, but many of them were from Europe or overseas, and despite being in touch with them via e-mail, they are not in my every day life and while I was living in this city making these friends, I was still not reacquainting myself with people I went to school with, and I have a strong desire these days to get to know some of the people I went to school with who still live in my small town, where I am back living now. I have a good job and meet a lot of people, but it is not always appropriate to pursue social relationships with customers of the firm I work for. I have found myself becoming romantically attracted to a couple people I have met through my job, and I am trying hard to not think about them, but it's not easy. Each time I am at the mall or walking in the park or whatever, I sometimes see old faces, people I know the name of, but who I have never spoken to before. My confidence as got worse since I returned to the small town, from college in the city. But I am really trying hard to improve my confidence and make it consistant. A while ago, I said hi to someone in the street but they showed no interest in speaking to me, despite the fact we went to the same school when we were kids. Little incidents like that kind of knock my confidence, so I often find myself not taking opportunities to talk to people. And the suburb where I live doesn't help things very much, as the neighbours are the most friendly people in the world and they go everywhere in their cars, but I walk or take the bus, so it's not often than I pass any neighbour by in the street. There's even a girl I like who lives in my neighbourhood, but whenever I see her, she walks with her head looking down at the sidewalk, which doesn't make it easy to start a conversation with her. I really want a girl back in my life, as my last girlfriend (I was with her for a year) was from the city where I went to college, so again, I didn't spend as much time in my home town. And I've tried all the stuff like evening classes, going with my parents when they do the grocery shopping, going to the library, going to bars and cafes with the few friends I have in the town, but it never seems to go anywhere. Weeks can go by without me spotting a face I know, probably because a lot of old faces have now moved away with their jobs, college or whatever. Maybe it's not important for me to get to know people in my town again. Maybe I should concentrate on the friends I have in the city where I went to college (it is a 90 minute train ride), but I work hard and don't have the time to commute all the time, to socialise. Maybe someone will relate to my situation, but I just wanted to express my feelings.
  9. here's one for you: I'm 26 live in a small country in europe, but am originally from another country in europe, so the one I'm living in is pretty much racist about the one I am from. and I'm sick of it! it's hard to find either job or apartment due to my "so exotic name", blablah. another issue is, my parents abandoned me. they never had trust in me anyway and at some point I stopped seeing them as parents either. one day, in a fight they told me how they don't see me as a son, etc. - ever since I refused contact (my mom called me several times, she blamed me, for my father's bad condition). after a while, I had some sick relationships, never could develop friendship and whatnot. so, I'm now without job, without money, without a place to stay (and that's a WHOLE other story!), without family / friends. plus there's this racism going on here, that keeps my aggression on a very high level. I won't start babbling about that I think I wanna kill myself or other similar already mentioned speeches. I just wanna hear any solution / reason / suggestion why keep on messing around. thanks in advance.
  10. my sis is leaving the house right now at 5:17 pm to go rollerblading with friends and guess what dad is making such a big fuss over it, yeah and it is a sunny day too. i soo disagree with my dad my sis is 20 yrs old i am 23. my dad wants my sis to stay at at home all day for some reason -hates her to leave the house for some odd reason. even if we leave the house he makes a big fuss- this is the summer times too-not school days where on sat and sun we have to stay at home all day too . yea lol this is the truth. don't laugh . we are asian too-chinese if it means anything lol. parents are just so damn strict. the don';t like her to leave the house same with me and i am a guy too. the thing they think is that going outside-life is tough -parnoid of how rapes of women, ppl gettin beat up guys and gals-swarmings, dad just said don't leave the house-"your just asking for trouble". -meaning some ppl might want to fight with u, gangs..... well bad stuff u hear from the media and news of young ppl. well till i move out its going be like this , maybe that why i don;t want to tell my gf or date that i have a certain time table-parents are just so damn strict of leaving the house. if i do maybe i can only see her in the afternoon only. evenings and nights are out of the questions
  11. This is my first post on this forum, so I'm sorry if I am doing anything wrong. Let me start off by giving some background info on myself. I am 15 years old and will be turning 16 in December, whihc would normally mean I could get to drive, but not in my family. My parent's decided that becuase my oldest brother waited until he was 18 to drive, that all of us now have to do the same. When I was younger I did not care about this rule and saw it as nothing, but now that the age that I could be driving at is approaching I find myself caring more and more. I am the oldest of my friends, so I should be able to drive first, but I wont be becuase of that rule. So the second oldest of my friends has begun driving. After seeing him behind the wheel for training I felt something. I felt a surge of hatred and jealousy at the same time. Just knowing that he was getting a privelage, that I deserved just as much as he did, first made me feel this way. Everytime I think of this I get angry. I can't help but think of how unfair this is. My parents said that no one should be excluded from anything , it just isn't right. I believe that. But apparently that isnt the case here. Now I feel akward around my friend all becuase of the fact that I can't drive when I now I should be able to. Does anyone have any advice for me? How to not feel this way, or maybe even some awesome persuasion method, so I could possibly get a chance to be behind the wheel before High School is over? I just don't feel that this is right. Why should I have to be held back. Sometimes life is too cruel.
  12. Okay, so I met this girl online 2 weeks ago and sent messeges back and forth for a day or two, then we chatted. She told me she has never met and is not interested in meeting someone off the net. At the end of our chat, I now have her phone number and she wants to meet me. So she calls me later and reaffirms that she wants to "hang out". We meet. I took her to a lake to feed ducks. We talked a lot. Then we went out for some chinese, then went back to her place, and then walked to get some ice cream. Then we came back and watched a movie at her place. We didn't sit next to each other. She sat in her fav recliner and I sat on the couch. I REALLY wanted to ask if she'd sit next to me, but my instincts told me if she wanted to, and was comfortable enough, she would somehow move closer over time. Or she could just be shy and is waiting for me to ask her to do it cuz that's happened to me before as well. Anyway, the movie is over and we get online and we show each other's photo albums of when were were kids...and she showed me her parent's pictures and stuff. She gently kicked my foot a few times and then said "Oh, was that your foot?". lol Anyway, I asked if she wanted to go to the state fair with me...and she said she'd like it. Then we talked about going trick or treating together. And then I mentioned some other ideas, and she was ALL for doing those things with me! When I was about to leave, I opened my arms for a hug and she opened hers right back and we had a tight 2 second hug. I definitely didn't feel it was time for "the kiss" yet. I normally have a pretty good gut instinct on when to do thinsg. She had to leave town the next day for a few days, but I got a surprise text message of a smiley face from her. So I'm THINKING that she does like me for more than "just friends". I just need some affirmation. BECAUSE THIS GIRL SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET!!! And it would suck to be "just friends", but I would rather take that than nothing. What do you guys think? I also should mention that she emailed me the next day and said she had a fun time. She said that when we met, it felt like we were old friends. Is that a sign of "Hey let's just be friends" or does it just mean that she felt really comfortable around me for a first meeting and I shouldn't think much of it?
  13. argh... this is really mind boggling... i need help guys. If u read my previous posts abt my ex-gf ... well, this is wats been happening to me these few days : I decided that i was wasting my time trying to be friends with her, since she seems so happy with her life now (and that annoying guy ive mentioned in my previous post) . I couldnt take it . I was too hurt to try. Last monday , i got a text message from her.. she mistakenly sent it to me. It was like this : A,A.. Im having a big problem here... Y he keeps appearing in my head? EVery morning i wake up i would surely think of him first ,before i sleep,think of him again! Sometimes i wanna talk to him but i dare not even step close to him... U asked me to forget him , i cant do that, what am i supposed to do? I still dont know y i left him? A, help me... A is her best friend. So i called her that night , we talked on the phone for a couple of hours... she cried at a certain point. I did too... We talked about what used to happen, what is it that we dislike..and so on. I couldnt sleep that night, and i called her again(around 2.30 am). There was a point in the conversation where i said that i really liked her. She cried and said that that was wat she wanted to hear from the beginning. So we met today . We talked again. It ended up well.. she said that she would do anything to see me happy (we were talking about a friendship). THEN, i held her hand and asked her if that was wat she really wanted. Tears filled up her eyes.. Bottom line is , we both said we wanted each other. We made up. It felt really good... Now to the prob : 1) Im not sure if this will work out because i dunno if the same probs are gonna happen. I cant accept another heartbreak, as i was already real depressed coz of her. 2) My parents knew abt our fights, and so does hers... I dun think they would agree to us being together again (especially since my parents saw me being so down and depressed..they even suggested me changing schools) 3) Im really confused because she's always giving me mixed signals..i do admit that i like her so much, but she's the kind of person who would make u angry(most probably deliberately) at one time, happy at one time and so on... I dont know if she's genuine. Even if all turns out well, we would have a hard time just being together. We both agreed that we will discuss abt our r.ship tomorrow in school. Maybe i could get my mind cleared by then... I just need other ppl's opinion on this. Thx .
  14. Hey everyone, i have a question that seems simple on the surface, and even i had my answers to it, but looking at the angle of ''if it was me'' or the true severity puts it into a different perspective, ive got a boyfriend, and he isnt young so its more of a mature answer im looking for, but how can i help him cope through his parents divorce? His parents are great friends still and that has given a greater shock due to it being so unexpected, his father is moving out today and both him and his sister were only told three days ago, how do i help him cope? My boyfriend isnt used to opening up and has only done so recenetly to me, with me being the only person he speaks to, he seems to feel he has to set a positive and good role model for his younger 14 year old sister, he has been teaching professional guitar for a while and puts his emotion into his work, even though this is one way of relief i dont think he is actually gaining enough help from it. thankyou for any responce, Jx
  15. Hello need any insight - lotsa reading im afraid… Ok, goin out bout 3 months, first 2 great, fall madly in love. About 2 month ago she moves back home for the summer to work. So she is now a 2 hour train journey away and works 6 days a week so I am only really able to see her one evening a week, till she returns. Bout 5 weeks ago we decided that it would be great to book a holiday in Sept, was really excited. Last time saw her (3 weeks ago) she seemed a bit ackward n said something was on her mind. She accidently sends me a txt ment for her bestfriend sayin that she doesn't think she feels the same about me n some other stuff. So I manage to see her and confront her about the txt sayin we should talk. She says is really confused n needs time to think, maybe a break. That she has felt like this for a month n been down. Says she does still love me but not sure if she wants a bf just now and feels she has changed. Said if we to go on holiday she needs time to sort herself out and phone me next day when she has had some sleep n less hormone-y Get a text from that night sayin she is so sorry she doesn't understand what is goin on in her head and that it isn't me, I haven't done anything wrong and she hates herself just now. Get a txt next day sayin she is "goin out so she can't really call later *hug*" I managed give her a call as I just needed to say what I thought, that I think things havent changed but it is normal when you are away from someone you first time, to have feelings that you aren't sure if you feel the same as u did, cause of the sudden change from seeing lots to hardly any. I said I was sure it would get better when she moved back in couple of months and she would see that when we spend time together if we go on holiday. She said maybe. I said we shouldn't go on a break but if she needed time I would give her some NC time, as I wasn't gonna let her slip thru my fingers like that. But she says that we need to break up for now. She sounds upset. I send her a text later sayin I just needed to phone earlier as it would be on my mind if i didnt. That I would let her have time to sort stuff out. I added at the end to a sweet thing that she had once said about us and to remember that. Get a text back sayin not to say that as it will make her sad (the bit I added at the end) and that she had changed and was sorry. She phoned couple of days later about something (immaterial - not to do with us) but we chatted for quite a bit, non relationship. She asked me to call back a bit later, we chatted more, she asked if I had been seeing anyone else - no, if I was happier apart - no, if i missed her - yes and that she missed me, said we would speak soon. Texted her next day - about the immaterial thing she originally phoned about n some random stuff followed by kisses. So she gets in contact with me about a week later. Txts me as she upset - she had just had a big argument wit her parents. They say there is no way she is going on the holiday we had booked if we ain't seein eachother . I give her a phone to discuss what to do, we chat away well as usual. I ask her if she was actually planning to go on the holiday - she says definatly and was really looking forwards to it, she said she had wondered if it would be a bit weird tho. I say I think it would be fine whichever way things swung in the end - I think we could still have a great holiday. Suggest meeting up with her and do something – to check we get on ok. But she says she thinks it is maybe too soon as she still feels she needs to be alone and she really busy... So I say ok thats fine think about it and the offer stands. She texts me next day sayin she is really down about the holiday and she really needs one. I reply sayin her parents can't stop her, but that might not be the best idea. You could always lie to your parents and say we are together just so you can go on holiday. Get a message next day sayin "no, i'm not going on holiday. too weird, I can't. I'm not going to go." (Did she need to tell me 3 times in one txt…) I didn't reply to that, that was 4 days ago. It's strange, it is almost starting to feel like I am the one who broke it off! I don't even know why we split up!
  16. I work security in a niteclub and I met this bartender at the start of this summer. She's really nice and down to earth, I only saw her at work and I would spend my time chilling at her bar. About a month later I asked her out and I got her #. So i call but she went home to her parents house for the week. I call acouple more times in the following weeks but nobody ever answered. Then I see her at work and she apologizes for not calling back and explains her situation and I let it go. She says we should go out and takes my # down this time. So i call again and get the same result. A couple of days later I see her at work then she asks me to go to dinner. So we go and have a good time. I don't talk or see her for acouple of weeks because I had an operation. I call a couple more times and still nobody. At this point I was ready to give up on this girl. Last weekend I get a call from her out of the blue. She was calling from a payphone while shopping with her sister so I couldn't call back. I see her later on that night then she asks me to go to a bar for her friends birthday and I gladly go. I had such a good time,she spent the majority of time with me and my friends rather than with her sister and their friends. All the while constantly making sure that I was all right. At the end of the night she gives me this tight hug and tells me that she's glad I came. Then 20 minutes later she does the same thing. I need advice on this. Is she interested or not? She plays like she does but she never calls back. She told me that her grandmother is really ill and that she goes to her parents place during the week. By the time she gets back she has to work. HELP!
  17. Hello there, I don't have much experiences with girls. So you help would be greatly appreciated. Here is the story. I found that I reallylike this girl at my work. We don't talk too much since we are not on the same floor although we work in the the same unit. She is being very nice to me (she is nice to everybody I have to say), smiling all the time, exchange eye contacts with me. Since I heard that she has a BF, I kind of avoid the idea of asking her out. But tonight we just went out with couple of people at work and had a couple of beers. I tried to talk to her. She told me that she plays video game a lot. And she is living with her parents to lower the living expenses. I was wondering is it possible that she is not with her BF anymore. I don't think that many girls would stay their parents house while they are having a relationship with BF, right? I told her that she helped me a lot at work (maybe a bad excuse), I'd like to buy her a drink. She started saying "You don't have to". I pushed it a little bit saying "I want to". She goes "Next time, Next time". Repeated twice. What does this "Next time" mean? Is this "Next time" a turn off sign for me or just a "next time"? What would be the best move for me? I really don't what to regret someday "what if". So please help me out. If you don't think that i have a chance with this "NEXT TIME" thing, I will just let it go. Don't want to get both of us awkward at work. Thanks a lot
  18. I didn't know where to put this. i will try to keep it short and sweet. I don't want to live with my parents anymore but im too young and prospects of me moving out in near future are far from real. I don't want to live with my family anymore because i feel supressed by them. like i cant be myself. i have a few mental health issues. i know this. i cant keep up the act all my life tho. pls help. My parents are good parents but i hav a lot to live up to from my sister and so cant be myself. any ideas of what i should do?
  19. i am in desperate need to talk to people about what im going through. ive always had a lot to say but not a lot of people to say it to, so i thought that going on this forum would help me get unbiased, real opinions on the events that have became my life. i apologize for the length of this story in advance, but would really appreciate some input about how to cope with what im going through, which might very well be, one of my biggest challenges of my life. back in may of 2004, i made a big change in my life. i left a guy that i had been seeing and living with for nearly three years and moved 1500 miles away to california. when i went out there, i had no idea how much it would change my life. for the first couple months, realitively nothing major happened, and i was attempting to heal and recover from my situation back in kansas. i met a guy in july that would change all of that. he was a marine at the time, stationed in california, and we developed a friendship instantly. we talked about things we had in common such as music, art, and much more, and found out we were both from the same area, which was really cool. i was very attracted to him and vice versa. we went on our first date in early august and have been together ever since. things went really well with him and myself the first month. we had a lot of fun, and he quickly became my best friend. i loved spending time with him, and the more i was with him, the more i realized that i was falling completely in love with him. things moved very quickly for him and i, and one day he was very angry at his situation in the military, very frustrated that his unit was going to be activated and sent overseas. well, the day that he was supposed to be activated and given his assignment for overseas, he decided to ditch the military. he has been awol for almost three months now. being awol is no small matter, and if the military ever found out where he was at, he would be facing almost 25 years alone in military jail. so, we decided at that point in time, it would be best if we just drove back to our homestate. i know that it wasnt very smart to take him back to our homestate. althought i made it clear that i wasnt happy with his choice to abandon the military, i would do what i could to give him a good life. we arrived back to kansas, and were given a pretty rude welcome home by my parents. something about this guy really set my parents off, and they havent gotten over that since. well, as time went on, our relationship began to fall apart. he never wanted to go home to see his parents or sister, and began to rely on me to find him places to stay. most of the time, i bought him hotel rooms for the night, using money i didnt have and breaking my bank account to apease him. i felt very bad for him, thinking that i had to help him get his life in order. i didnt think that he had much in his life, and he told me that his parents werent very happy with him, which is why he rarely saw them. i knew that his mother is dying of breast cancer, and his father and him rarely spoke. one day, things changed. i went on his email to look up a phone number of a guy that was supposed to be fixing my car, and wound up finding an email that i shouldnt have read but did. it was to a friend of his that hes known quite a while and it said things like "hey sexy...cant wait to see you...youre going to get it when i see you...love ya" as stunned as i was, i printed the email out and confronted him later about it. he pretended like it was no big deal and that theyre just really good friends who have a friendship like that, they just banter back and forth like that. i told him i didnt really believe him because i have guy friends that i would NEVER talk to like that, even if i was single. i told him if it was really not as big of a deal as i thought, then to let me talk to her and ask her myself. he wouldnt let me do that, saying "if you dont believe me, then whatever". we tried calling her once, but she wasnt home. later on that night, i wound up forgiving him, and he asked me to marry him. i accepted. well, a couple days later, i knew i had to find out for myself what was up with him, and how he would react to someone IMing him on the computer. i made up a screen name, and pretended to be a girl. he was very receptive to this made up girl, telling her that he was single, and, ultimately, how much he would like to meet up for a date sometime. at the end of the conversation, he gave out his phone number and told me (as this girl) to call anytime. two days after this, life changed for him and i, as we found out that i was pregnant. the day that i found out, he dropped me off at the hospital to get a test, and as he was parking the car, he texted the chicks screen name i made up saying "hey girl, why havent you called? miss you..." i couldnt believe it when i saw he had written that to her no more than 10 minutes before he found out that he was going to be a father. when i told him later that the chick he had been writing to was me, his reaction was one of "i knew it was you! thats why i kept on messaging her!" i didnt feel like he was being honest, but gave him the benefit of the doubt, as i always do. from there, things went from bad to worse. in the weeks that followed, we were constantly arguing, mostly about my parents not being very receptive to the thought of us being together. he had since moved into his sisters house after i couldnt afford to keep buying him hotel rooms. one night, something very serious happened. we started to argue about really stupid things and it escalated into something larger. he wouldnt let me leave his sisters house, blocking the door, and when he finally did let me out, he followed me. as we argued in front of my car, he lunged at me, hitting me in the face and bit my cheek as hard as he could. i was so in shock i could barely move, and all i could say is "youre a monster, i dont know you." he has never hit me since this but the fear was unbelieveable. as soon as he realized what he had done, he started to apologize profusely, "im sorry baby, im so sorry, i love you" and a cop car drove by at that moment, and he told me "lets just go inside" rather than drive away and never see him again, i followed him inside and he held me all night, petting my face and saying how sorry he was. my cheek was pretty bruised but i carried on. as much as i knew it wasnt a good idea to stay with him, i did anyway. shortly after, i tried to break up wtih him one time but he gave me this pity party about how he didnt want to have another failed relationship and how much he loved me, etc. so i stayed. again. because im a pushover. things went okay for a while, but it seems like with every good moment, theres like 10 bad. about a month ago, things went even further down the hill for us. i decided out of pure desperation to buy him a car. even though i knew id never be able to afford it, i bought it. the following monday, i cancelled the check i wrote the car for, and put a stop payment on it. the car dealership became irate with me for it, as the car was entirely in my name and they needed their money or they would turn me over to the prosecuting attorney. i told the guy im with about the situation a couple days later and it got him really upset with me too. he yelled at me, calling me every awful name and telling me that i was stupid. well, one night, my dad got a phone call from the car dealership and they said that they had turned the case over to a prosecuting attorney. i dont know what made my dad more upset, the fact that i was still with this guy who my dad calls "the parasite" or that i bought him a car with a bad check. anyway, i wound up attempting to get the car back from my boyfriend, who had been driving it since i bought it. he refused to let me get it back from him initially and i told him i had to talk to him at some point in time about everything that has been going on with us, from the car situation, to our child we're having together, and everything else. well, two days before new years, i hung out with him. he told me that he was going to bed at 9pm, and i went home at that time. he told me to call him when i got home, and when i did, there was no answer. it wasnt until 11pm that i got a hold of him, and he said he was at quick trip. i told him i thought he was going to bed, and hes like "yeah, im going home after this". the whole situation really bothered me. infact, it ate at me horribly, cause it just didnt feel right. the next night, i was continuing to feel pretty weird about it. i decided to check his voice mail on his cell phone, and i was in for a huge surprise when i did. the night that he told me he was going to bed at 11, his friend called him at 235 am and says this exact message i simply cant shake from my head: my heart broke when i heard that message. i couldnt believe what i had heard and didnt know if i was just reading more into the message than i needed to be but something inside shattered when i heard the message. i wish you guys could heard the tone of his friend, it was just so ... arrogant and non chalant. like dont mess things up with your girlfriend, but feel free to cheat on her as long as you dont get your emotions involved. so, i called my friend up. i had him listen to the message and hes like "wow, at the very least, hes totally using you, but chances are hes messing around on you" well, i called the guy who left the message on my boyfriends voice mail and hes like "i dont know about anything that went on, but your boys a sly man, we all went to ihop with tracy last night" THE NIGHT HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO BED!! wow. i never mentioned i heard the message, just that i didnt have a good feeling that my boyfriend was being honest. well, i called my boy after this, and asked him what he did the night before, and he said he went to ihop. when i asked who he went with, he told me everyone but tracy. i said "so you sure those are the only people you went with?!" he kept insisting YES, so when i said, was tracy there too? he finally says "oh yeah, i forgot she was there" i dropped it, but the next day i called him again and said we HAD to talk. i couldnt get in touch with him all that day or all that night (which was new years). the next day he finally calls, and we arrange to meet up so we can talk. i go to his sisters house and he says its not a good time cause his mom was there. i was about ready to leave when i saw the car and realized i had to get the paperwork for the car i bought him cause if he was going to be mean about the situation and not give me the car, i could present the title to the police (which is in my name) and drive away in the car without problem. so, i went to tell him this, as he was standing by his car, and when he opened his car door, i saw a pair of high heeled shoes in the passenger seat. i asked whose shoes they were cause god knows they werent mine. he didnt say anything at first, and later says theyre "a friends". i leave shortly after that, knowing in my heart they are tracys and hes lying to me. well, later on that day we finally are able to have the talk that we've needed for all too long, and he just sits there and stares right through me as im talking. i asked him point blank if hes cheated on me, he says no, and i asked him to explain the shoes. he gives me this roundabout story about how theyre tracys and they all went to some party, she didnt like the outfit she was wearing, so she changed, and got drunk at the party, and because "drunk people forget things" she left her shoes in his car. well, i just dropped it after that, even though i didnt believe him at all. i attempted to start talking about the baby, and after a couple minutes he says to me "are you done lecturing me?" i was so in shock, and stand up, put on my coat and say "i thought you could discuss things as adults but i guess i was wrong" i started to walk to my car, thinking id finally leave him but i turned around! i couldnt believe i did that, and was really upset at myself. i wound up going back in the house, and he hugged me and said he was sorry, blah blah. same ole same ole. i just couldnt believe after all ive done for him, ive given him a child, ive given him shelter when he had none, ive lied to my family for him, ive destroyed my relationship with my parents emotionally and financially, ive loved him wrong or right, and he says thanks for all that by being with someone else and robbing me blind? well, hes been trying to stay on good terms with me for the last few days, but i know its just not right. a couple days ago, i tried to tell him that i thought we were growing apart, and he wouldnt have it. he tried to tell me i was crazy and that we just need to live together and get our lives on track. i dont feel that way though. my heart is so beaten up. i just dont know how to leave him and tell him im done, even though i KNOW its not in my best interest to be with him. hes a piece of crap, and he treats me very badly. i see all the red flags, but i feel like im in quicksand, slowly sinking and dying inside. i hurt so much. i cant ever just walk away. i have a lot of love for him but its not the kind of love that will save this relationship. im losing my mind over him, my heart breaks for him, but at the same time, i cant let go. just answer me this, how come i know its bad for me to be with him but for some reason i cant let go?
  20. I'm actually very happy to have found this forum...I have such a large weight on my chest that I have no idea where to turn. My 5 year old son returned from school only to share with me that an older kid on the school bus was making him do "nasty" with his friend....I almost stroked out when he went on to tell me the slang words for female parts, and then demonstrated the very acts he was instructed to do of sexual & oral intercourse. (he said he didn't want to do these things, and the boy started hurting his arm and threatened to slap him, but he still didn't). I as a concerned parent contacted the principal at Parks Primary in Parks, La. and arranged a meeting ... from then on I was pressured to leave the room for the purpose of an investigation, which I refused (I had an audio recorder on me)...then the principal told me "If you don't believe in me, well then you don't believe in god" I found that to be totally insulting (I trust in god alone)...This is a public school with supposedly zero tolerance for "sexual harassment" as stated in the handbooks given and signed by all parents of the school. Well, after refusing to leave my sons side, I was asked to leave the premises of the school (I took my son with me)....My son was the victim & b/c my son did not perform the acts, the school was not concerned at all. I got so angry I went to our local TV station to do an investigation, filed a police report, and an app. w/ our attorney. I need any advice I could get on healing my child of this incident that destroyed his innocence, I'm so concerned he might act them out on other children or worse think that what happened to him was his fault. I'm so confused and the way we were treated at the school makes me so angry...I was doing the right thing...and it was treated like nothing! Please help with any advice...
  21. I need to talk to someoen that I can trust... but i dont know who to talk to. I'm having so many problems that I just wish I could accidently walk out in front of an 18 wheeler. I dont know how to go about solving these problems that I am having... I tried talking to my closest friend but he was NO HELP at all, and just made things worse... My parents are an ABSOLUTE NNOOONNNOOONNOOOOO!!! Last time I went to them for help... omg it was awful and I hated myself even more. Thye ignore me so dont say them.... but I really need someone to talk to... A counselor? but how would i get to one of them when I'm 15 and dont even have my learners yet? I almost thought about my school guidance counselor but I figured she would tell my parents and plus I would have to live with thinking about it everyday that I saw her... I REALLY NEED some advice cause I'm starting to do bad in school and I quit the basketball team today because I'm always depressed.d
  22. ok well over winter break i met this girl at one of my friends house... i dont go to school with either one of them or anything... but we were at his house (there were like 10 of us there) and it was kind of a small party. we were just hanging out and somebody said we should watch a movie. so we stuck one in (i dont even remember what movie it was) but that girl sat next to me. about half way through the movie she leaned her head on my shoulder so i put my arm around her and we kinda cuddled for a lil bit. then she got thirsty and got a drink for me and her. when she came back she decided to sit on my lap instead of next to me which was definitely cool with me. so we reclined in the couch and cuddled and talked. didnt watch the movie at all. but anyways... the other guys went out to the hot tub and the two of us stayed there together. we kept on talking and she started kissing my neck and ...... other stuff happened... it ended up with me stopping her cuz we just met... and both of us are virgins and i just didnt think it was worth it right there... i asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime and she said no... i was shocked and went home... about a week later she finally called me (i wouldve called her but i didnt have her # and i dont know her last name either lol and i dont know how she got mine)... anyways she said the reason she said no wasnt cuz she wasnt interested in me but it was because her parents are VERY overprotective. I asked her dad if i could date her and he straight up told me no. i asked if he would be alright with it if we had a dinner with them first or something so he could meet me and see what im like and he shot that idea down... he really just doesnt want her to date anybody... well we talked on the phone for a while after that without her dad knowing... but one day during our conversation he picked up the phone in the middle of our conversation and started yelling at her and grounded her from the phone... i guess all i want to know is what do you think i could try to see if her dad would ever let it happen... cuz im not gonna date her behind her parents back. i dont think it would work too well that way... thanks for reading this LONG post and replying...
  23. I am really unsure as to how I should approach my situation with this guy. I'm in my early 20s, he is in his mid-20s and we know one another through our parents, who have known each other for years and visit each other a few times a year. Over the last two years or so him and I have been in semi-frequent contact - we saw each other a couple of times (via parents' visits) and talked over the telephone (although the calls were somewhat my initiation). Now, what is so confusing about him is that we could talk on the phone for up to an hour about many different topics (we share the same interests and hobbies) and he has no problem starting a conversation over the phone. However, in person he is completely different, maybe because our parents are around, or because he is a few years older than me, or because he is just plain shy? For example, he rarely starts any conversations, he is fidgety, seems restless in his seat (ie: can't seem to get comfortable in his chair), and when I ask him something to initiate some talk, he gives me one word answers and even worse he rarely makes eye contact when I talk to him, always glancing over at other people. He is pretty cold most of the time when we see each other but is much more talkative with others around us. The last time I was at his house, he went into the kitchen to wash the dishes! When his parents asked were he was, and I told them, they couldn't stop laughing, saying something weird is going on because he never washed the dishes in his life before, and that you could ask him to do it for a favour and he wouldn't. What is up with him? My behaviour towards him is friendly, yet not aggressive, and his in-person body language turns me off. What do you think I should do (if anything)? Please remember that parents are around (but we're white - and I say that because there's no arranged marriages etc, and if we were to date, that would be okay..) I do like him, and I think he may like me, but his apparent insecurity or whatever it is turns me off. I'd like any advice please but remember that all I want to do is kind of give him a signal. I don't want to be the one that actually makes some sort of move! Thanks in advance for your advice!
  24. I can't believe we've been broken up for 10 days, this is the longest we've been broken up..and i really know that it is for real this time. The only problem i am having now is that at moments i get sad...not so sad that i feel like i have to run to him or call him, but just watch out the window to see if he drives by or drive by his house on the way to somewhere (which is on a main street) so its not like im driving out in the country completely out of my way just to see if hes outside. so i feel that looking out the window for him or just driving by his house, isn't so bad. I am just sad because i feel that these last 2 years were a waste, i have known him since i was 9. he was my best friend growing up, we "dated" when we were little, and we have so much history and our lives are a lot alike, its just so hard for me to walk away from that. Some days i wish i would have never attempted to get ahold of him again, i wonder where my life would be now if we never got together. Because now i am so scared, from every bad thing that happened between us, so every good memory i have of him...is really gone. I just feel so decieved, like for so long he was being this fake person, trying to do the right thing, but he hasn't hit rock bottom yet, and i know that he still finds something glamorous with the whole drugs and drinking. Sometimes i feel that by me leaving will cause him to finally hit rock bottom, because for so long i was his support...i was there for him more than his family, but as time went on i realized why some of his family had back away, because they tried and tried to help him and he just walked all over them repeatedly. He did the same thing to me, so many times...where i finally got to the point where it was like "it's not working anymore, i might as well just leave." This whole situation is so complicated, i am mad at myself because i didn't leave a long time ago, sometimes i think maybe if i would have left a long time ago...it wouldn't of gotten this bad, and maybe he would have changed, and i wouldn't feel this sad. Other than all of this, he did call me twice today, the first time he called i was at school, the second time i had just gotten home, but my grandfather had gotten the phone...i sat there while they exchanged words for about 5 minutes...but i just couldn't tell my grandfather to give me the phone, i just didn't have anything to say anymore...and i didn't want to hear him cry to me... I just don't understand...why it is so hard for some people to be nice, when we talked awhile ago i asked him that, and he said that for so long all he ever saw were his parents fighting, and when he was younger and even now he sometimes believes that it is normal...and i just told him that it was a cop-out...and that i could say the same thing...because my parents were abusive towards each other, but i don't feel the need to beat someone to make them listen. He tells me he's going to do everything in his power to get me back, to get me to trust him again...but in the same breath he says he doesn't know what to do...I just don't understand that it is so obvious on what he needs to do. Not saying that if he did do it i would take him back, but there always is a possibility. I don't know i guess i am just venting, Thank you for listening. any comments, advice or even words of encouragement are welcomed...you guys are what help me through the day..and give me the strenght to stay away...and move on...so again thank you...
  25. See at my school there isn't any girl that is like me. See there is a few types of them... 1) The samrt ones that kinda like me... 2) The nasty ones... 3) The ones that try to be goth but fail... 4) The hot ones that get along with me but like the football players better... See I am the kinda guy that has Halo 2 Lan Parties, i like star wars and I am built like a football player but I play golf (My parents own a Golf Course)... See I don't know how to find the girl that likes most of the stuff that I do...so poeple out there like me how did you find the right one? Well not really the right one but the one that likes things that I do?
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