GuitarmanIII

Hi Okie, I like your reference to being in jail. Very interesting point of view. (Perhaps my guilt is akin - similar - to 'doing time') The only difference being that I'm the witness, defendant, judge, jury, and warden...all in one. In all of us, we have the power, if willing, to leave. I am doing my darndest to shut up and move on...that's why I'm so glad this network is here. I'd recommend it to anyone...anytime. Sometimes the best medicine is catharsis - talking - venting - then eventually healing. We all need a pat on the back at times, eh? G

Hey CareBear, I feel your pain. Letters can be a great way of venting one's feelings. Writing your thoughts can be cathartic. Then you either choose to send it or not. Having chosen to send the letter was not a mistake...you expressed some deeps thoughts and poured you heart out. Your breakup is recent so everything, feelings, thoughts, emotions are still fresh. The wait will be tough, but let him respond. Keep it short and sweet, get closure...Then commence NC. The song in your signature says it all: And it's so hard to do And so easy to say But sometimes, sometimes You just have to walk away G

Thanks for your words guys. I've been bottling my feelings since Christmas because I hate to keep pestering my friends and family with this story. I felt like I got a big hug here. Lovestrategies, by 'more' I mean to say that she wanted to actually be my girlfriend...to be exclusive with me. Though in fact we were really dating, we had never met each others families or friends. She often told me that I'd regret not dating her...I'd always ignore her words, which have come back to haunt me. I've had so many setbacks because she kept calling me, and even rubbed her happiness in my face with a deliberately cruel invitation to her myspace page. She knew it would hurt me, and it did. My fault for looking...albeit only one time...that was enough. I'm positive that I am more than infatuated with her. It's easy to see things in the past I suppose. I'm stuck spinning my wheels in neutral. I'm stuck in a moment and I can't get out of it... Orlander, you are always a sage with these issues. I think your signature says it all... I can't wait for Spring! Thanks, G

Hey All, they say 'it gets better in time'. It's been well over six months now, and I can still drop and cry at the flick of a switch. I miss her so much, it's eating me inside. I cry almost everyday... To make it worse, the end of our relationship was all my fault. We were a 'friends with benefits' relationship for over a year and a half. However, we were each others confidants, best friends, and lovers. Soul-mates for a time, if you will. We have so many things in common, it's uncanny. But life is about choices. When she demanded 'more' last summer (becasue she was being courted feverishly by a new guy) I balked/hesitated...I guess I thought I could continue this immature behavior a bit longer. For a week straight, she begged, pleased, cried for me to be exclusive with her, and I foolishly/nervously denied her. While she was being courted, by her now live-in bf, she would tell me about her 'sex' with him...as if I was just a guy-friend...for some reason I let her tell me these things...I knew when she pulled an all-nighter with him...and dammit it's eating me ALIVE even today. I loved her but never told her until it was too late. Because he was first, she suddenly chose to date the new guy. She tried to make small-talk with me at first, as if nothing had changed, and could remain friends. But I was crushed (I knew I'd made a life mistake) and commenced NC. Apparently a month later (October), he dumped her because she was so sad, and missed me so much. She told him that it felt like she was cheating on me. She told him that she'd slept with me while he was courting her...but he forgave and took her back...and I know she'll never leave him. Now that the dust has settled, I can see more clearly my error in judgment. I'm mad at myself, which is worse than being mad at someone else...I screwed up and am having a terrible time forgiving myself for: 1. letting her go 2. not making an honorable woman out of her She is such an awesome person and has such a kind caring soul...and I took her for granted. All she needed was a chance, and I'm guilt-written. She wants more than anything to be my friend again though the bf forbids her from talking to me. Deep down I'm HAPPY for her, and I know that her bf is an awesome guy. In many ways, as it turns out, he's even better than me (for her)...so my pride is shot to hell. But I cannot be her friend. She moved in with him and is very happy...and I feel so petty and jealous. And I feel like no one will ever again understand me like she did. The word 'idiot' keeps bouncing in my head..over and over. I will move on in time, but not just yet I guess. Thanks, I needed to get this sap story off my chest... G

Hi Red, I'm going through exactly the same thing as you right now. It's been six months. I can cry almost any time still. Right now, I live through the pain...I feel it right through my body, because it's natural...and I've been told that it's part of the greiving process. But I have hope. I know it will get better...in time. We need to keep on living and force ourselves to have fun. There is light at the end of this tunnel. We're with you... G

Hey Eli, I'm in the same boat as you. It's a catch 22 isn't it? You want to date other girls but the thought of the X or 'the one that got away' still persists. I've been single now for about 6 months and have started to date again. It's time to get my mojo back...so to speak. My sister in law advised me to put full concentration on the new girl while with her...try to block out all else. I think Jayar makes a good point. We have a better knowledge of what it is that we want now...to better sort the good from the not so good. My two cents. G

Hi Austin Guy, I've read the posts above and know full-well what you're going through. Although I wasn't married to my X, your situation has many similarities to mine. I had over a year to make up my mind about taking our relationship to another level. I hesitated many times and by the time I'd made up my mind it was too late...she was with another guy. The other guy loved her immediately and unconditionally, and she deserves all that and more. At first I was floored with remorse and guilt (my posts back in August say it all...I went a bit nuts due to my situation)....I still am today. Do I want want what I can't have? Can I see why things didn't work out? Well perhaps, but now that the dust has settled I realize what a wonderful person she was/is and how it was a grave mistake fopr me to let her get away. It really does suck...but I think the only way to get passed this is to start NC. Do you really want to be the guy with a 'special place' in you X's heart...but not lover? Men are naturally territorial, and I can't think of a worse situation. But that's me. At first I was also aware of their sex-life. That has the same effect on your psyche as military torture...it burns so much... You've tried to reconcile. No get out and move on... Am I right? I don't know...but my two cents... G

LOL, I posted a similar problem a few days ago and received a good response. I wonder if the computer programmers at Microsoft (and elsewhere) realize some of the problems they've been causing? In my case I have not accepted my X as a friend. I find that I'm almost afraid to use Facebook because her site may be lurking around the corner somewhere...it's too easy to maintain contact, eh? Would it help you to stop viewing your X's space if your X might know you've been snooping? I think you can see who has viewed your space, can't you? Am I wrong? Good luck to you, G

ManOfPlans, I just read your post link. I think you've said it all there... G

My goodness, thanks for the insight everyone. As always, technologies can have their advantages and disadvantages. Look at it this way...a medium such as this (Enotalone) never would have occurred without the world wide web. I don't think I'd have ever written to Ann Landers (as much as I respected her work). G

Hi All, Have any of you noticed how difficult NC can be to maintain with technology these day? I've recently, due to peer pressure from friends and old acquaintences alike, put myself on Facebook. I find it amazing that people are so open and transparent...for all the world to see...regarding their personal business. Anyhow, a couple of months ago, my X invited me to be friends on her Facebook and Myspace page. Upon viewing it, I almost had a mental breakdown, because of how positively happy she is in her new relationship and so forth. From my prespective it was a chance for her to rub her good fortune in my face...which she later admitted to. How do we maintain sanity, boundaries, distance, etc...with these new foms of instant communication? I realize that we do not have to accept these invitations or look at X's websites but, does anyone else have the same problems as I? Just curious. G

Wow, I'm not sure...but your X sounds like a loose cannon. Perhaps it's a good thing to break it off for good. But that's none of my business. If you see in him something that's worth fighting for...go for it. If that doesn't work; if you can't get him back...say goodbuy. Take some time...and you'll see better days. G

First of all, you are grieving a loss of someone close...and it can be very difficult at times. Live through the pain...as it will one day be less and less. I can only speak from my experience. Though I'm nowhere near healed... Perhaps you do need closure before you can commence NC. I depends on the situation. What was situation around the breakup?

Hi Sunshine, remember that your X is probably grieving as well. Perhaps he can't keep in touch with you yet. My X and I were best friends for about a year and a half...we were also lovers. It was the right chemistry for a beautiful future. It's very confusing, as all breakups are, but I couldn't see what great girl I had, and took her for granted. She left me for a guy who was feverishly courting her. After the breakup, she tried to remain friends with me but I cut off all contact. About a month later, apparently due to her grief of missing me, they broke up, and then got back together...and moved in together. I can't be friends and she grudgingly understands this. I just hate that she pities me. It drives me nuts. Time and boundaries = sanity...apparently. G

I can give advice only from experience...because I'm going through something very similar. We are grieving the loss of someone who was once very dear to us, and this is how our minds are able to cope. There will be times when we feel miserable, and then we'll feel good again. There are triggers that remind us of our X's and I believe it's important to feel the pain...work your way through it. Eventually it will pass. For me, I've offially been broken up for about 5 months and full NC for 1. I begged and pleaded for the X to stop contacting me, and now that she has...it's tough. I know that she's gone forever...in terms of a romantic pertnership. It burns like hell. The part two weeks have been tough. For some reasson I'm perpetually sad and can cry at will...and I'm dwelling on the the past. I can only assume that the pain will go away...someday soon. Try to concentrate on other things and keep occupied. Good luck, G