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About Me

  1. I live in the US and I met a Brazilian girl on a dating app, and we've been talking for several months. Things are going great between us, and it took some time (Coronavirus travel concerns) to finally get myself to decide to get a ticket and take a month vacation to see her. Regarding my travel plans, I had spoken to a friend (who lives in a different country that I haven't seen in a few years) and he also happened to being going to Brazil as well. I told my girlfriend that I would meet up with my friend for 5-7 days in one state of Brazil and I would spend the remaining 3 weeks or so with her. The plan is to fly out in late early November. Unfortunately my friend has been having flight issues and the airlines changed his flight twice already and I am waiting to receive confirmation on the dates. I kept the my girlfriend in the loop. She has asked me several times about when I am going to book. I told her I'd book by Friday (yesterday). I am still waiting on some date confirmations so I have not yet booked, I thought...a few extra days won't be a disaster. Friday night she pointed out that.. she waits for me, and that I wait for my friend... I am always late and that she barely entered into the relationship and that she already feels like she's stuck with other people. Part of me feels bad for not fulfilling the booking reservation as promised/ told. But part of also felt down/ sad about her opinion of the matter. (Sad in the sense that, I feel like I am trying my best to make both work, but that's still not appreciated). Is it wrong to feel this way, because I am in the wrong (treating her like second choice)? Do I have my priorities mixed up? Is it that bad for trying to consolidate this trip experience? Am I doing something wrong here? Would any other girl or person feel as though they are unimportant or second priority because of my actions? I am not sure, what is the right thing to do? Thank you for any wisdom!
  2. Hi. I have been in a relationship with a nice man for a year now. He seems very invested in the relationship although for the first few months he moved very slowly. About 6 months into our relationship he went to Las Vegas with friends. He has since admitted that a few of the guys, some married were unfaithful. When I probed him on this he told me that they had used prostitutes. The difference between my guy and the others is that he doesn’t drink much alcohol or take any drugs. The reason I probed him Initially on the trip was because I felt uneasy when I saw the guys reaction months later when Vegas was mentioned. They looked uneasy. My head is telling me that he wouldn’t have admitted the friends had been unfaithful if he too was but I have had trust issues from previous relationships and it has made me feel uneasy. I remember him on one night messaging me from the trip and telling me to remember how much he liked me and my paranoid brain thought it seemed like odd timing at that time but as I am prone to overthinking I don’t know if it is my issue. He swears nothing happened but all guys looked guilty when the trip was mentioned a few months previous. At the time I thought it was my over active imagination that they looked guilty but obviously not. He reckons he looked guilty because his friends wives were there and he knew what had happened on the trip. He is different to his friends in lots of ways and has other groups of friends who wouldn’t do this kind of thing. Will I ever know for sure.. should I just put my doubt aside?
  3. My best friend who is married, has told me about his affairs In details.We talk about any and everything, so he is comfortable telling me these things.I don’t agree with his actions, and have told him what he does is wrong and maybe he need professional help. Recently he stopped talking to me. He went on a trip with one of his male friend and a woman that he has been having an affair with. He had only told me about going with the guy, he never mention the female. After he got back from his trip I called and text multiple times but he never respond to my text nor call me back. Few weeks later I ran into him, he acted strange and didn’t say much. He then later text asking “why did you do it?” I was Clueless, so I asked what he was talking about. He accused me of pretending not to know. About a week ago I found out he accidentally exposed a woman in his room to his wife on video call while on his trip. And that the wife then got details about his affair with the woman. And confronted him after he got home. All of this I didn’t even knew happen. But somehow now my friend thinks that I am the person who told on him. He is the type of person who sometimes don’t take accountability for things but rather look to blame others. I don’t think of him as the one who has gotten betrayed, his wife is the betrayed one. Whatever my feelings are about his actions, I did not told on him, as messed up of a person that he is for all his cheating he also have good ways and we've been friends for a very long time ,we both have been there for each other in some very tough times. It bothers me that he would think I told on him after He confided those things to me. We have a mutual acquaintance who had over heard me talking to him on phone about some of his behavior she later question me about what she heard but I didn’t give any info to her.. I sometimes wonder if it could be her that went to his wife. As well a few people also know of his affair. But I’m the only person who has spoke up to him in the past and let him know he needs to stop. He has now cut communication With me. It’s sad that our friendship is ending this way. I want him to know I did not out him. Any advice on how to go about convincing him is appreciated.
  4. So back in the middle of October I took a trip with my Boyfriend. I ended up wetting the bed, I was also bloated, stomach cramping and gaining weight fast. I saw the Urologist when I got back who blew me off. So I got a second opinion. The second urologist did imaging and saw I had a large mass in my bladder. She just went off the Ct Scan, she didn’t order any further imaging. I had a Cystoscope in November and she saw my bladder looks really good and healthy took a sample to biopsy. The only odd thing was she told me I had a large protrusion inside the bladder. But she said to follow up with obgyn. In January I end up in ER with horrible stomach cramping feeling like I’m dying. They order another CT scan which I’m not happy about. This one shows the mass more on the pelvic side then bladder side. I see her again, she says I must have tissue from the bladder protruding into the pelvic region and orders a ct guided biopsy. I go see my Gynecologist and he says not to do the biopsy. He sends me too Urogynecologist. I just saw her today and now I’m even more confused. She is sending me to an Oncologist Gynecologist who I got in STAT to see next Thursday. She’s top in her field and books always off in advance so to get in this quick is rare. The Urogynecologist went over all my procedure notes from what the Urologist did and found then through the Ct imaging. She told me I need to have different kinds of imaging. What’s being seen is this weird annexal structure with moderate amounts of blood flow that is in the right pelvic area. She told me it must have confused the urologist thinking it was in the bladder. Because it’s large and the ct scan was unclear. She told me it’s a right ovarian mass that’s probably been there since the Urologist went looking in the wrong area. So basically I’ve had this thing since the Cystoscope back in November and even farther back. It’s just unfortunately the Urologist accidentally over looked it. So my head is spinning because this confused me even more. She said that’s why the Oncologist Gynecologist will order an ultrasound and MRI to get better imaging on this thing. Unfortunately it’s not something she does in her field. I feel like an alien, what the heck is this thing on my Right Ovary that’s confusing every doctor? I’m bloated, I have back pain, it feels like I have endometriosis back. I asked, it’s not Endometriosis. I guess it doesn’t fit the look on the ct images for it to be endometriosis. I’m still leaking to where I’ve worn depends since October. I’m getting frustrated! I’m having a hard time losing weight because I’m so bloated. So I’ve just maintained. I’m on WW. Each different doctor has a different theory of what their looking at. They all do however agree on one thing, and it scares me! They think this may be a malignant growth of some sort based on its characteristics. Also the fact Ovarian and Breast Cancer run rapid in my family history. I’m 38, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink nor do I do drugs. I’m healthy in that regard. I had a hysterectomy five years ago due to endometriosis. The doctor took out everything but my right ovary for estrogen purposes. Lucky me! 😂 I see the oncologist gynecologist and I hope she has a better idea of the next steps forward. Sorry I wrote a novel. It’s been hard going through the run around. I needed to vent.
  5. My partner has a lot of medical issues, is in pain much of the time and has been feeling depressed. He is doing all he can to address these issues but can’t seem to shake his worry and negativity. He is clingy and very insecure. It has been this way for a long time but has gotten pretty bad. I would not say I am pulling away, although that’s probably what it feels like to him. I’ve been trying to stay close, be supportive and affectionate. But I am finding it harder and harder. I have to force myself to be intimate with him or even hold meaningful eye contact. Because I see he is looking for validation that we are okay when he looks at me that way and it is hard from me to give that to him when I am feeling this way. So, we just arrived in L.A. last night. I suggested to come here because he’s been wanting to visit some friends and family. Without mentioning it to him, I fear he won’t be able to travel as well in the future as his health is declining. So I’d like this to be a great trip for him. I am thinking of starting the day with a massage, from me, followed by some meditation. I would love for us both to get out of our heads and just enjoy ourselves. This will be easier said than done. But if I can snap out of it, I imagine he will pick up on it and not feel so down. Here’s the kicker, I feel in my heart that unless there is a major shift in both of us, we will not make a good team. The thought of leaving him makes me very sad but also gives me a feeling of great relief. It also worth mentioning that there are other reasons entirely that challenge my desire to stay. I am wondering if I can pull this off. We both know we are not okay. But maybe we can just forget about it for the week, quiet our minds and take in this strange city. Would it be cruel to possibly mislead him to believe we are okay? Or should I state my intentions. I’m leaning towards saying something like this, “We both know we have unresolved issues and matters weighing on us. But let’s agree to try not process it all now, let’s just try our best to be present and enjoy taking this place in and seeing your friends.” And then I will try with all my being to let go. Because I know that is the only way he will.
  6. Hello Everyone, I am new here and this is my first post. I have been talking to someone who lives in another state. We have been talking for a few years. We are not in a relationship but we have both said we are interested once in person. Well, I could say a lot more about it. However, my question right now is about purchasing a ticket to see each other. He is wanting to travel here but said he will once he has the money. He has asked me if I can help pay for the airplane or bus ticket. I told him I am unable to right now. I don't want to give him money for everything, but is this different? Should I make an exception for this and pay for the ticket? Should I offer to help pay for the ticket so that we can meet in person? Thank you very much to anyone who responds.
  7. I can't help but to be hurt after my girlfriend told me she was going to plan a trip to Hawaii with her girlfriend along with other trips (Australia, New Zealand). This is after I had suggested that there were some cheap flights to Hawaii some months back and maybe that was a trip we could consider. She said that she wasn't interested in Hawaii. When I brought that up a few days ago when she told me about about her trip plan to Hawaii with her friend, she said "well, I guess I am". Meaning, I guess I am interested in a Hawaii trip. But she still insists that Hawaii is really not something she was ever interested in. To be fair, she has traveled with her friends for years. She just recently came back from a cruise (not with me). Went to Cancun earlier this year (not with me). We went to Europe earlier this year by the way. She is going to Cancun again in February (Not with me but with a different friend. Not the Hawaii friend). But I still can't help but feel that she would rather travel with her friends. She goes on these, what I would consider should be romantic trips but just not with me. I really don't feel that she is going on romantic trips with her girlfriend but they would be if the trips were us together. I can't help but to feel hurt and I told her so. She said that "does she want me to just stop traveling with her friends?" No, but the whole Hawaii thing has me stressed. It's been a few days now and I can't seem to get over it. We had another conversation about it and I told her I was still upset. She said she didn't know what to do. She didn't want to disappoint her friend. (I guess it was better to disappoint me). I relented and basically said she should go with her friend. We have been seeing each other for 3 years. We don't live together but love our time together. Can anyone help me make sense of this? I just don't know what to feel about this.
  8. My boyfriend (26) has been on holiday with his friends for 4 days now and I (26) am not doing great tbh. He will be gone for another two weeks and it's the longest time we haven't seen each other since we started dating ten months ago. I have huge trust issues, as I was cheated on multiple times by multiple partners in the past. My current boyfriend however, is the sweetest guy ive ever met, really honest and has never given me any reasons not to trust him. And yet, I can't shake this feeling that he will cheat on me. It's completely irrational, but I can't help it. He knows about my trust issues and understands where they come from and comforted and reassured me when I told him I was feeling anxious about him going on holiday. I haven't spoken to him about this since he´s gone and have been very excited and supportive whenever he texts me and sends me photos etc. I try to keep myself busy by going out with friends and even by going on a short trip myself later this week. But deep down I'm so incredibly scared and anxious that something will happen, that he will cheat on me like multiple guys did before him. How do I handle these insecurities and learn how to give him the trust he deserves? Thanks!
  9. Hey everyone, hope you're all doing well. Long story short... The last few years has been what I consider the worst times of my life. in September 2015 my partner of over 8 years decided to leave me for a guy who she ended up marrying a year later. It threw my whole world upside down, as all these dreams & goals that we had together (or thought we had made) just blew up in my face, & I was pretty much left to pick up the pieces of my now shattered life. I know this might sound childish, but I was so emotionally invested in this person for so long and now I found myself single again, & having to literally reset my life at 31. Looking back now at 35, I saw it as an opportunity to get to know me again & really think about what I really want in my life & how I want to live, but yeah t's been a very heart aching, painful, emotionally draining process for me...and I'm still in the process kind of, I'm in a much better place emotionally now. That being said, I decided that I wanted to be debt by April next year, so I've been working a full time warehouse job to help me achieve that which is keeping that goal on track. The reason I've been feeling depressed a lot lately is because im 35 years old, I've never travelled the world outside of Australia (which is where i'm from), I don't even have a passport. I'm pretty much putting everything I make to paying off my debts by April next year so I can be debt free. I've been trying to avoid social media, seeing everybody (including my ex), who seemingly be having a great time travelling all around the world, while I'm just trying to get myself out of debt & get my life back...I've made so many hard sacrifices in the last few years & sometimes feel like is it all been worth it? I'm really yearning to quit my job, pack my bags and start travelling the world. But at the same time, I have this other yearning to be in a position where I will be 100% debt free by April next year which will put me in a debt free lifestyle position, where I guess i'd be able to have more money for travelling and more freedom to do it. (I only have my car loan left to pay off.) And I also plan to moving interstate next year to Adelaide South Australia, which I really love too...the rent is much cheaper than Sydney (where I am now), it's more relaxing & I feel I can get ahead much faster there...and plus I really miss living there too, & given all that has happened in the last few years with my ex, my finances etc...all this happened in Sydney where I am now, so I feel I need to change states. So my current plan is to just stick it out with my job until April next, i'll be completely debt free by then, then I can resign from that job & leave for Adelaide around July, & start travelling after I leave my job in April. Right now I guess I'm feeling very anxious & impatient bcoz its been a long time to be at this point where I am so close to being debt free & moving away. And as bad as I want to travel right now, which I cud if i really want to, I keep having the same thought in my mind saying to me "Just stay the course, stay focused on being debt free in April. Travelling the world debt free will be much sweeter than travelling with debt." I know there's tonnes of debates out there about debt free travelling lifestyle vs travelling while in debt. For me personally, this is not just financial baggage im letting go of, its emotional baggage too from 2015. I really do love the idea of living a debt free lifestyle, no mortgage, no car payments etc...deep down i know my gut is telling me to keep my eyes on the main goal which is freedom of debt which will lead to lots of travel. And I don't want to be in a position where I have to work like a dog in some job to pay off the travel that I did a year ago. Since my car loan is the only debt I have left, by cutting back on nice things, clothes, travelling etc, until April next year, I'll have it all paid off 20 months earlier, which I guess would be 20 months gained for travelling the world debt free...and i'll also have the money I need to move back to Adelaide by July as well. In the meantime now, I've just been sticking to that plan, & actually planning my travelling, looking at prices etc ahead of time & just deciding where I would love to start my debt free travel lifestyle, which has been lifting my spirits. But yeah, I'm trying to stay focused on the main goal & not let myself feel depressed or tricked into travelling right now just because I'm seeing people on social media doing it. I guess it's only 6 months until I'm debt free, and what's a another 6 months to achieve a debt free life for travel? How many people out there could say that right? If anyone out there could shed some light on this that would be great. :-) I'm sorry for blabbering on... Love you guys!
  10. I'm dating this guy for half a year and everything has been amazing. We're compatible in everyway. Everything is perfect except his mom is usually too invasive and protective of him. Whenever they visit his grandparents' city, his mum wouldn't let him board the train alone (he's 26 and the city is among those that have the lowest crime rate in the world). When he insisted to go out alone, they would be worried about him all the time. When we first started dating, he was planning a two people trip in my country but his mom wanted to come along though he explained it was intended to be a couple trip. We ended up travelling with his mum and it feels super awkward as we couldn't hold hands or kiss in front of her. It's not like I didn't want to travel with her and get to know her but I was just a bit concerned about the fact that he told me no one in his family could ever say no to her. The trip was a success (I could tell she didn't hate me). What concerns me again was that on the final day, his mum met up with his dad who was travelling for his business trip and we seprated from them. Before that, his mum was askimg him how we would get there and if we're gonna stay together and said she doesn't think we should sleep together cause we've just met. I found this to be absolutely rude and invasive. Afterall, it should be us who decide if we want to stay together. I came from a developing country while he's half Asian and Australian (both are developed countries). His mum was extremely worried when he visited me. When she was there she said this in a joking manner "Isn't this the most dangerous place in the world". She now stays mostly with his aging grandparents. Everytime he goes there it becomes incredibly hard to talk to him as he's always being made doing things with them. I don't want to take up all of his time but even calling for 10 or 15 minutes a day is difficult. We once tried. He sat in the bathroom (the house was small so it's more private to talk in tbr bathroom). We were talking before his grandma knocked on the door telling him to go play mahjong with them. He told them to go ahead without him. A while later, his mum angrily knocked om the door asking why he hasnt yet gone out play with them. I was shocked at how rude this is. They knew he was talking to me and still knocked on the door and shouted in loudly. Of course I heard and understood everything they said. It feels like being shouted in the face. We sometimes did some short trip together within Australia. His mom who is staying temporarily (she travels back and forth between two countries very often) with his grandparents would get angry if he didn't tell her about the trip (sometimes he was just busy and didn't have the chance yet to tell her). Most recently, he called him asking him if he has to pay for everything during our trips and this is the last straw for me. It's ubderstandable that she's overprotective and can worry too much about his safety but this one is just unacceptable. I feel insulted so I stormed out and went home. It might be cultural but I believe in most cultures, parents don't interfere with financial arrangement between couples. What she asked basically makes me feel like I'm desperate for his money tho he's not that rich. We were recent graduates looking for full time jobs. I worked hard while studying to support myself. He got small savings from scholarship. We either do 50 50 when together or he shouted me and I shouted him back. But even if he had paid for everything it was none of her business. He also admitted he felt suffocated from his mom being overbearing but again people in his family (his dad and older sister) are not very good at going against her will. He lives with his parents and we're planning to move out soon but after this I have a feeling it's gonna next move to "Do you have to cover everything for her living together?" Or in the future "do you have to pay for everything for the wedding". This makes me just want to move away to another city far away from her but I'm sure she will hate me for that and think I'm manipulating her son. I really love my boyfriend and don't want to lose him. Just don't know how to deal with his mum.
  11. I have been friends with my bf for the past 3 years. We started dating 1.5 years ago and are currently in an ldr til the end of the year. For the most part, it's not the best but it's alright. We skype each other every weekend. My bf has a close female friend that he has also introduced me to. He says they regard each other as siblings. They spend a lot of time together in school and even pick to be on the same projects together. When i was in the same country, he would always ask me along whether I wanted to join them, unless they were discussing about relationship topics that they didn't want me to hear. She's also overall supportive of the relationship in actions and words like she advised him to give the ldr a shot etc. I really believe they do not see each other romantically or sexually because if they did, it would have long happened already. They are also planning a graduation vacation together. just the two of them. I said I wanted to go (essentially fear of missing out) and he says that my school schedule would clash with the vacation so it's impossible for me to tag along. As a compromise he said he would go on another trip with me when I am back from the LDR, but no concrete plans yet. I know it sounds a bit shady to go on vacation together with someone of the opposite gender alone, but I don't think anything would happen. I'm more so jealous that she can have a long vacation with him, whereas when I am back, I won't get such a chance to do so (I would have school starting soon, and when I graduate, he would have graduated too and started working, so taking time off for a long vacation would be tricky). In the end, partially because he's going on his trip anyway, and partially because I have no other friends who would vacation with me (they couldn't take days off to travel the dates i want), I also decided to go on a trip to a place i've been dying to go with a guy friend of mine who knows that I have a bf. I know my guy friend doesn't see me that way either (we knew each other when i was dating someone else and we just bounce off r/s advice with each other, we are using the time to also catch up about our old friend group that i havent seen or talked to since my ldr started). My bf says that in the end no matter what his opinion is, if I don't go, I'll be unhappy either ways, so it's better that I go as long I know what the limits are. We try to do separate rooms, else separate beds to save cost for the vacation, and I keep my bf updated on the plans. My bf is more concerned that I am going on an a separate solo trip vs being with a guy friend ^^; Side note: I know if my bf decided to not go for the trip alone with her, I would just sacrifice my dream to go for that vacation as well. Of course I'd rather go for a dream trip with my bf, but he's working right now and can't that much time off. In addition he doesn't want to go to that place with me because he says it's too cold when he would be able to do so, and also he doesn't really want to blow the cash on seeing a place he doesn't really want to see. In contrast he will be seeing a place that he wants to be in during his graduation trip. My main issue is the jealousy that stems from not being as close to him vs her. He says that she is more important vs me because she has known him for a longer time and they know each other better than me knowing him (when we were just friends we really don't talk as much). But he also says that if we get married then of course I will be more important so i shouldn't worry. I asked several friends and people on the internet and most of them say I should move on because it doesn't seem I am a priority to him. They would also say that if they were him they will just spend time with me for my dream vacation (i find this unfair though? It doesn't take into account he has to decide between spending the amount of money to see something he likes vs something he doesn't like). But, it's an ldr. What else can he possibly do to show that I am a priority other than being consistent with the Skype and texting me back? I have voiced out that I feel jealous and sad over the vacation plans and that's why he said he will compromise by going on the other trip with me (probably a nearby, short one) and it's alright that he has to spend extra money to do so. He also says that their relationship is just that of 'siblings' and eventually they will be more close to their own partners but it doesn't happen overnight, which is logically true.. I haven't told him that I feel jealous about her being closer to him, but then again I am not sure what to be suggesting to help myself 'ease' that feeling.
  12. Sorry for the length of this email. 14 years ago, I met a man through work who I was instantly drawn to (and him to me as it turned out- he wanted to ask me out the first day we met, but my boss told him I was engaged). We worked together for a number of years and I suppressed my feelings and we finally got together as soon as my relationship ended. We had an amazing connection, shared values, and I loved him like nobody else I had been with. However, there was one crunch- he had kids, one of whom was disabled, and could not imagine having more, while for me, it was non-negotiable. As a result of this, I broke up with him and I moved away soon after and we stopped communicating as it was too hard. I since went on to marry and had a child and divorced several years ago. But I thought of him a lot and out of the blue 3 months ago, he made contact and said that he was thinking of me, asking how I was. We talked by phone the next night (which I realised during the call was exactly 10 years to the day that we had had had our talk about him not wanting kids, crazy coincidence, which he had not been aware of when he made contact) and he told me that he reckoned we would still be together today if we had stayed together and that he could even have had a child with me. It was pretty big to hear as I was not sure if our relationship had meant as much to him as me, but it obviously had. We talked every day for the next 2 weeks, planning to see each other, saying how special it was to reconnect and to see where it would bring us. Then, the worst possible thing happened- his adult son died suddenly. It was a horrific shock , to say the least, and he rang me throughout the week and it was good to hear his voice and know how he was doing, but I just expected nothing and that I would probably not see him again, that he might get back with his ex, basically anything that would get him through and I respected that. However, he told me he would love to see me and so I made the journey to see him. It was so soon after his son's loss but it was very special to reconnect and we became physical. However, he expressed some doubt about the future in some moments with me and I pulled back and offered him space. However, he made it clear that he didn't want to lose me and was really looking forward to seeing me when I was to be back again, that he missed me and he planned a trip to see me after my trip to see him this week. He was really attentive and I just tried to offer support but it was hard to suppress my feelings and I struggled with not ending it for the moment as it was so unsustainable but he kept showing me he needed me and did not want to lose me. Just before my trip to see him, he dramatically pulled away, was very irritated and making remarks that made me feel suddenly like I would be merely a FWB (friends with benefits), unlike it had been before, as well as hinting that he was not going to make the trip to see me anymore. It was very upsetting and I asked him if he was sure if he wanted me to visit him, and that it was ok to say if he was not, that his wellbeing was the most important thing right now. But he said he was ok. However, he was very distant and unaffectionate when I arrived and only kissed me in a sexual way with no cuddles unlike before, and I just felt cheap and horrible. I know it was the grief and it seemed like he had entered a stage of anger but I just felt like I should not be there. I asked him about his plans to see me and he basically said he was not sure anymore, so two days in, I decided to leave his house (while he was at work) and stay the night with a friend, as I was just too upset. We decided to talk later. Later on, he told me he had not realised he had come across so cold but he was really defensive and just started saying "what did you expect from me, I can't commit to anything right now, stop trying to map out our relationship, we have only seen each other twice", etc. I tried to say that the last thing I expected was any commitment, that I totally understood he could not do that but that I had to be able to express my concerns if we were to be together and that I was upset about the trip being cancelled. He belittled everything I said and I felt awful for bringing it up in the first place as obviously for him it is just nothing and meaningless. I realised then how wrong it was for me to have become involved with him at this stage as I had feelings and could not just have no feelings and I told him the following day that despite our plans for that and the following weekend, that I could not see him right now as it did not seem healthy but that I continued to support him as a friend, sending my unconditional support and love and how very sorry I was for his loss. I know he is so angry in general right now and with me too, I imagine, judging from his response, but I feel dreadful for having done what I did. I feel like I trivialised his grief and stabbed him in the back instead of being a supportive friend, as I had tried so hard to be so far. I feel so much for him and just feel dreadful but I don't think there is any point in trying to say more right now as I think it would just make things worse.  Apologies for the long mail, I just struggle to make sense of all of this.
  13. We've been together 2 months .She left on Wednesday and on Thursday she sent me a bunch of pictures and told me how fun the trip was. I didnt hear from her for 2 days so on Sunday I texted her and got very short answers. Haven't heard from her since. Any idea what could have happened? Is she just in vacation mode or is there an issue? She comes back tomorrow.
  14. I’m wondering if I am making a big deal for being hurt that a trip to Vegas my sister and I were planning on taking together, my sister, instead, plans it with her boyfriend? Granted that she and I did not book anything, yet, we were just waiting for when she had the time and money. I booked a room for us to go this December, but something came up for her that she won’t be able to go. I cancelled the room. No problem. We then talked about going during spring break. Later, her boyfriend invites her to go on a cruise with him and his family during that time. She said it to me in passing that she may go with them. A little disappointed, I said, “I understand.” Then, a few weeks ago, I saw her googling trip packages to Vegas, but said it was for her and her boyfriend. I was shocked because that was supposed to be our trip. But then she said, it's not serious because she doesn’t think her bf will be able to afford it. I didn’t say anything. Just disappointed that she didn’t search these package deals for us. Then I overhear her tell my brother that her bf is looking into booking them a room there and the possible things they will do there together. So, this trip to Vegas for them looks like it will happen. So, instead of them going on the cruise with his family, she convinced him to go on the Vegas trip she and I were planning, instead. She convinced him to go to Vegas so she doesn’t have to do the cruise with his family. She didn’t want to do the cruise with them because for her, its too soon and too much to spend it with them. I told her that I heard she is going to Vegas and she right there invites me to go on their trip with them. I told her no, because A.) I hardly know him. For the year that they have been dating, I’ve seen him a total of 3 times. B.) I thought we were supposed to this sister’s trip together. I was really looking forward to it being an “us” trip because we are both very busy, and we don’t spend nearly as much time as we used to. Her life has become about her work, and her boyfriend. So, sister time now seems special. C.) I wished that she would have talked to me about this before planning the trip with him. That I was upset she didn’t take me into consideration. Another reason why I didn’t want to go with them two is because he is a recovering alcoholic. The trip there is expensive, so I was going to spend a lot of money going there, I want to relax and not having to take care of him. I want to be able to drink and not worry about him. I want to go to our favorite pub there and have a good time. He gets nervous around big crowds, so the 3 times i have hung out with them, 2 of those 3 times, my sister asks me to sit with him, so he will feel more relaxed around our friends and big crowds. Again, if I am on vacation, I want to enjoy myself and not babysit a grown man I hardly know. Besides, that, spending a year looking into package deals, saving money, and working around both of our busy schedules to find the time to go, it really saddened me that when she did take initiative for this trip, it’s for her and her boyfriend. Worse, that she didn’t think to talk to me about wanting to do this with her boyfriend, instead. And may I add, that she and her bf take a lot of vacations together. They've gone a cruise, Laughlin, amongst a few other trips. Am I making a big deal out of this?
  15. Am a Muslim and she a Christian 9years dating and she ended it abruptly cause she feels it can't work at all...what the kids would follow and all that though distance is disturbing us as she works in a different state and i work in a different state too...well i had to travel to the state she is working and she is like she doesn't deserve what i give her and
  16. Hey everyone, I'm at a crossroads, I'm hoping you all can help me figure out the best decision. I'm going on about 4 years now at my current job. Earlier this year, our parent company chose to close down our location because of budget cuts like many businesses. If we wanted to keep our job, the employees now had to travel about another hour north to work out the main facility. My travel was about 25 miles 30 to 45 minutes one-way before, but now it's alittle more than double that distance and time on the road, ONE-WAY. I'm going on almost 5 months doing this drive now. I wasn't opposed to making the drive at first, because the benefits and pay is ok. Also, I didn't want to jump ship in case something good became of it. The company has been flexible with giving the employees the some ability to work remotely on a day or two. However, I don't think that's enough and some have started to agree, and even quit because of it. I've also been told that it is unlikely that my work would cover my mileage either, which makes sense. I have looked into moving closer to the job, but renting or paying down a house will be too much to afford in that area and personally I don't want to move for a job. I have tried staying in a hotel overnight to try and compensate for the distance, but that cost also adds up and I have to stay a lot of nights to get enough points to get free nights.I don't have a girlfriend or many friends anymore and not much of a social life, which doesn't help atleast balance some of it out. Either way, I have noticed that my work ethic has been starting to drop alittle, which is unlike me and I'm starting to stress out more and are getting more forgetful. I also struggle with a personality that makes it hard for me to let things go after I leave work. I've started thinking that maybe it's about time to start changing jobs to something closer and lessen the distance so the travel and stress doesn't drain me before I even start working. However, I've been unsure lately with the economy and what I have been seeing, that I feel like I'm stuck without years and years experience to apply for another. But, I can't keep going on like this, I'm either going to end up screwing up or getting burned out. Any suggestions or thoughts are appreciated. Thanks.
  17. Not sure who to ask about this so I'm posting here. About 6 months into our relationship my BF hooked up with another girl at bar, and told me immediately because he felt guilty. We are at a year now and he cheated on me again about 2 months ago when he went away on a trip. He told me 2 days after he got back, but I already knew because he began acting weird on the last day of his trip. That was the first time he's gone away without me since we got together and he had been texting me and constantly updating me with pictures and videos. Suddenly on the last day he pretty much stopped communication saying he was busy. Anyway, I was very hurt and I broke up with him but a day later, after we talked more, he begged me for the opportunity to show me he could be faithful and promised me he would never hurt me again if I would stay. Now 2 months later he wants to visit a friend across the county then immediately following is going on a 2 week work trip. I feel like there's a roadblock on our relationship. I feel pretty much certain when he goes away he will cheat again and that will be the end of it. I certainly don't feel comfortable saying he can't visit a friend or go away for work (although it is an optional trip) so that is out of the question. Is it too much to bring this up to him? That I feel like because of all that's happened and the time coming that our relationship has an expiration date? I can't keep talking about our future together without this shadow looming over my head. I'm not sure if it will just create dramatics since it's nothing I can change.
  18. Dear All, I have not been here for ages...I am 39 year old woman and dated my current partner from May till August. We parted way due to circumstances on both sides. We reconnected 1,5 months ago. We never had any issues...things were lovely this time around as well. When we reconnected, he told me he is thinking to go away for a fesitve season as he doesn't like Christmas and need some "me" time after the tough year. I was happy for him. During last few weeks we got closer and were in daily contact. Before his trip we exchanged gifts and said goodbyes. He texted me to say he landed safely. He said he bought a local SIM card. He went to Thailand. Alone. ( He is 49 by the way). I haven't heard from him for last 3 days. Just before his trip I was a bit needy ( insisted to go with him to airport , was clingy and gave him thoughtful personalised gift ) I am not sure if I didn't put him off a bit and he waited to naturally put a distance between us. Don't want to contact him as I was the last one who wished him wonderful time in response to his last text. He is back in 8 days. I am preparing for the worse ...I try to keep myself busy but do you think is normal to not hear from a man while on holiday ? Wouldn't he like to share what he sees / experiencing ? Please help as am worried he had a change of heart about me....
  19. So I finally broke up with my ex and kicked him out. I had to get a protection order because of threats and violence. So now I’m not sure if I’m being too hard or what, but I think I’m fair. I have a protective order against my child’s father, only for me. However there is specific jargon about his right to see her basically saying everything needs to communicated through his sister, who is our point of contact. He’s upset because having a Protective order against him takes his right to carry or possess a firearm away from him. So he can basically see her as long as it’s not an inconvenience to me. We communicate through the sister and we make arrangements for my daughter to see him, which usually I’ll drop her to the sisters house and then pick her up. But one day he decided to go get her from school without asking if it were ok or letting me know. I went to pick my daughter up from cheer and they informed me she wasn’t there. Of course I was upset. I told him that I would have the order modified to say specifically that I need to be notified and that it’s okay. I hadn’t had time to do it. So today I got a text from his sister saying my daughter wanted to go with her dad so he has her. And again like disrespect slapped in my face because he didn’t confirm that it was okay before he picked her up so it’s like while you’re telling me you have her you’re still going about it the wrong way. And they have an event at school tonight and $150 is due for a trip. So I explained that wasn’t the right way to do it but since he had her to take her to the event and pay the $150 for the trip( the trip he says he can’t pay anything on until maybe Friday). Now he dropped her to his sisters house where she says she will bring her home. Well she’s suppose to be in cheer after school and I have a new address which I want neither of them aware of my new address. So I don’t know what to do. I spoke with the advocate that says I can file a motion for contempt or to modify or both. But I want him involved with my daughter but not just anyway he feels he can do it. And he also talks bad about me to her which I don’t appreciate so it’s like I’m not sure if she should even be around him without supervision.
  20. About a week ago, I posted about someone I had met up from a trip I had taken out to the East Coast. Since it was a small town and we came from the same city, he took me around and made things easier for me. I did develop some feelings for him and I asked if we could hang out again. His response was that we could meet up for coffee but he wasnt interested in a relationship or anything like that (he didn't say it that way, but I could get the gist of it). He told me to just text him so we can set it up in advance since he likes to plan things ahead of time. Since coming back, we see each other on the chat (actually its a youtube thing) site, and we do small chitchat. I also chat with other people on there so it doesn't matter. I did talk to my best friend Tim about this and asked him if he thought I could ask the guy out for coffee. Tim thinks it should be ok. Would you guys do it? We do have each other's contact number. If I do ask, it won't be for a few weeks since I am busy with work and moving.
  21. Hi all, I've been feeling really down lately and I could use some unbiased advice. I'll give a backstory and try not to make it too long, please bear with me! So my current boyfriend, we've known each other since November of 2015. We live in different cities, but only about 2 hours by bus so nothing too crazy. We would meet up a few times a month to go on dates and stuff, but I wound up leaving for a job in Asia in June 2016. That, however, did not prevent us from keeping in touch, video chatting, texting, etc. It felt like the momentum was still going despite being in completely different time zones. I came back after a year and we picked up where we left off, and quickly put a label on our relationship. Fast forward to now--we've officially been "together" for a little over a year. His attentiveness and effort has drastically diminished over the past few months. I am often the one who initiates when we see each other next. He very rarely suggests meeting up or plans dates. He's not a planner (I am) and I've accepted that. But my biggest issue is the fact that he doesn't show any interest in coming to see me. We got into a fight about it recently and he is aware that I put in more effort in our relationship but he made it very clear that he has no desire in traveling because it's a hassle and he doesn't like the city I live in and he won't "have a place to crash" (I don't live alone and he's very much a private person). It's pretty ridiculous and in my mind, I'm not worth the trip. He told me that's not the case and he cares about me and blah blah blah, but his lack of action says otherwise. Ideally, I'd like to see him every other weekend but I know that can be unrealistic. I guess I've been thinking a lot about how upset and disappointed I've been because of his inability to prioritize our relationship. I refuse to give him an ultimatum because that's not going to help anyone and I don't want to make any rash decisions because I know that he's capable of being reasoned with a changing things (because he's done it before). Yet at the same time, I've been so sad about it and he's been so clueless (I told him I was unhappy the other day and he just told me to "feel better soon"). I want to talk to him about it, but it's so hard when I can't see him in person. I don't know what to do or say anymore--help?
  22. Hello eNA, I’ve been with my girlfriend for nine months and I can honestly say it’sbeen perfect. WeÂ’ve met (and like) each otherÂ’s families, never argue and are supportive of each other. We spend quite a bit of time apart for work but there are never concerns expressed about what we’re doing or who we’re with. Until her most recent trip. She’s away on an adventurous mountaineering, rock climbing, nature, hiking trip and falling in love with it all. I’v been great for the duration of our relationship to keep the negative, self-sabotaging thoughts away but I can’t help it this trip. She has given no indication of infidelity but my mind is wandering. She’s had a couple hangovers on this trip (rare for her), there are guys in her posts and many late nights. I have no evidence to feel this way, as she’s been super sweet with her unprompted “I love you” and “miss you” messages but anyone can say that, right? I mean, there are many cheatees out there who “didn’t see it coming.” My cynicism and little faith in relationships is rearing its ugly head at the worst time as we’re talking about moving in together. To be clear, I haven’t expressed any of these concerns to her because she admires my confidence and this would be the opposite. Can someone talk me off the ledge so I can keep this awesome relationship awesome? Cheers
  23. I'm a 29 year old man who's in an increasingly serious relationship with a wonderful 25 year old woman, we've been together for about 6 months now, with talks of moving in together before long. We spend a lot of time together, most of which is great, I can see myself living with her for the rest of my life, though one of her personality traits has me on edge and I feel like I have to be cautious. I've only been with 3 different girls, including one 7 year relationship that was smooth-sailing until the end, I've never had senseless fights before somehow, they always had a reason and in retrospect it always made sense. But with this new girl, I feel like she can spin on a dime. We'll have a great day together and then she'll misinterpret something I say, or she'll extrapolate upon something I said, or I'll give the wrong answer to a question, and as a response she'll get angry in a way that seems unwarranted and unreasonable to me. For instance, we've discussed that we want to travel a lot, it's something that we've both always wanted to do, and that I personally have never taken the time to do. I want to do it with her, and we booked a major travel trip 2 weeks from now, involving 3 cool destinations in 2 different countries over the course of 3 weeks. So last night, we're discussing our desire to break out mutual desire to break the status quo, the fact that I want to travel, that I want to get out more and do stuff I've never done before. This is great for me, I've been waiting for this all my life, someone to go on adventures with. But last night she says she worries that it won't last, that I'll fall back in my old habits, which involved a lot of gaming and staying at home when I was single. We started discussing this in some detail, and I said something regarding how there would be some times when we're kinda "stuck", when we can't travel very much for some time due to financial and other restraints. I am willing to do a lot, I have already changed my life for the better in many aspects and I feel motivated, but I know that life sometimes gives you lemons. She took what I said as some sort of surrender - essentially, she was saying: please continue to strive to accomplish things and to live. And when I said I said "yes, but...", she viewed my reservations to mean I would revert back to being a boring dude who works, plays video games and sleeps. Even after I pointed out that it's a misunderstanding and I also am motivated to change my stagnant life (which she wouldn't call that, I do), she continue to feel anxious and disappointed that I was, at least in her eyes, not willing to put effort into staying in motion. She went off to sleep upset, and in the morning she apologized. Over the last few weeks, I would say that it's just about a weekly occurrence. I will say something that is slightly out of place, or she'll misunderstand something, and all goes to hell, sometimes for 5 minutes, sometimes for 2 hours, and in the worst cases overnight and all is better in the morning. It doesn't get particularly nasty. However, in once instance it got pretty heated in a way that I find uncomfortable, when I pushed back and really insisted that she admit she was making a fuss over nothing, which was bound to make things worse. I know that fights are normal in couples, but I'm not used to them and I don't know how to manage her outbursts. I find them increasingly worrisome the more I get invested into this woman. It's disheartening to be with someone who can go from happy to pissed off over a small misunderstanding, and it makes me nervous too, like I have to watch what I say. Part of me thinks it's not too bad, maybe I should just let it happen since it's quick and nothing bad happens if I just say my piece and let her be angry alone for a few minutes, she'll usually just chill out, but for me it's very emotionally taxing and even though it's not abusive or anything abnormal (I think), it's still a personality trait that irritates me. It's pretty much the only thing about her that makes this hard, because otherwise she's delightful, smart, intellectually stimulating and amazing. So what should I do?
  24. I guess I'm just looking for some general support/wisdom/encouragement. My SO and I live in the same city and while he's here things are generally quite good between us, and my feelings toward him are usually overwhelmingly positive. He has told me a number of times that he takes our relationship very seriously, that he feels very strongly about it, and wants it to be "for the long term". As part of his career, however, he spends, on average, about 9 days per month on the opposite coast of the country. (Sometimes a bit more, sometimes a bit less). He has his own place there, and this has been his lifestyle for years. It's a non-negotiable for his career; he really does have to be there. In theory I'm totally fine with this. However, I've noticed that every time he leaves, it has a very real impact on my feelings about him and the relationship. It's such a distinctive feeling and even follows the same pattern every time: 1) He leaves, and I feel totally in love with him and miss him tremendously for the first 2 days or so, (2) Then something switches in my head, and I start to feel a bit distant; a bit cold; not so close to him. (3) I begin to think more negative things about him and less positive. I start to ruminate about the things about him (and about us) that are less than perfect, rather than the many things I love. I can sometimes start to feel a bit paranoid or distrustful (i.e., worrying about his fidelity or his feelings about me (even he hasn't given me any reason that this is actually an issue). I realize that this may my mind playing tricks on me, but the effects are very real. In the past, during his travels, he would text me frequently, but for some reason we would never speak on the phone. Several months ago I mentioned that I'd like to speak on the phone too, and so now we do that too -- in addition to text frequently. In fact, since I said that, he makes a point of calling me EVERY single day he travels, which is nice. He has extended to me an open invitation to go with him anytime he goes out there (he is happy to cover my airfare, and always invites me along). But I work during the week, so it amounts to a lot of travel for not a ton of time (it also seems like a big expense to spend a few days with him; and I worry about getting in his hair). For instance he's away now -- he offered to bring me out either last weekend or this weekend, but I declined (it seemed like a lot of traveling for not a lot of time, and feel a bit guilty having him fly me). It basically comes down to a situation where I feel like it interferes with my sense of intimacy with him. I am hesitant to mention this to him, cause he hasn't done anything wrong -- and I'm not sure what he/we can do better. I just don't know why I feel this way, and worry about its effects on me and the relationship. I'm not sure what effect any of this has on him. He's not the most expressive or outwardly emotional guy. I don't know if he actually misses me or if it feels hard on him. I don't know if he offers to fly me out and (now) calls every day because he misses me, or if he's just being a good guy. He doesn't know how I feel about his traveling. I haven't mentioned it because I don't want to seem like I'm complaining or to bring negative energy into the relationship. And I'm not sure what else I can ask for in terms of how we're dealing with it.
  25. Hi everyone, thank you in advance for reading... made my account for this one This past year I have been spending a lot of time with some seniors (I am HS junior) who I've grown to consider some of my best friends. I knew most of them for a looong time and considered them friends before I really became a part of their group but after this year I've grown close to even the few people in it I didnt know very well... Including a girl who I slowly started to develop feelings for, especially during this summer. We all went on a trip to celebrate their graduation about a month ago, and I really started to have my feelings more intensely on that trip. Since then, she and I have begun to hang out alone a few times, watching movies together, getting stuff to eat and even going on a hiking trip together. It's been incredibly fun. I'm not on this forum to ask whether she likes me back; I've been over-analyzing her body language and the tiny things she says and it doesnt do much good... shes not a very flirty person at all and it can be even harder to tell if she has feelings because we really are close friends too, but it is clear she likes spending time with me and I'm clear in that I like spending time with her, and furthermore that we are comfortable around each other. We can talk about more serious things, and touching each other (sounds weird but I just mean like helping each other up, lightly pushing each other, etc.) Isnt uncommon. Unfortunately shes heading off to college in a month and a half. We both are very involved people, I am always busy with my classes and extracurriculars and when she goes to college I know she will be as well, so i know that this distance and lack of time will make any relationship really tough and unlikely. But still, I really want to tell her how I feel. I think we connect really well and I enjoy her company a LOT, and have for some time now. Is that dumb? Is it just "summer love" that's causing this? Is it worth taking the risk of jeopardizing the dynamic of our friendship (which is very important to me), especially so soon before she heads off for college? Or should I play it safe and just remain friends (even though from my experience it seems likely that she has feelings for me too).
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