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About Me

  1. My wife and I have been together for 19 years, married for 13. Our relationship has always been one of strong friendship, love and occasional intimacy; neither of us have ever had a big sex drive, outside of the first year or so of our relationship. We've had several in depth chats about our relationship since the start of the year and basically she's admitted to me that she's no longer in love with or physically attracted to me, but loves me dearly, see's me as her best friend, still wants to stay together and occasionally share intimate moments. Upon reflection this discussion is something we've actually been skirting around for years. We both agree that we want to stay together and make the marriage work in our own unique way, remaining best friends with occasional benefits. Whilst I stand by our decision, I'm still 'in love' with my wife and I'm very much sexually attracted to her. I fear losing her and these thoughts are starting to consume me. Throughout COVID, my wife has formed new friendships via a fan blog and in all honesty at times speaking in the chat has consumed her life, there were even times when she was staying up nearly all night just so she didn't miss out on anything. I suppose on some level I feel jealous that she is focusing her time in this chat, but what I have noticed is that she has had a sort of sexual awakening; they discuss everything, nothing is off limits, even talking about their sex lives, the fact some of them cheat and are looking for something new etc. There is a lot more to this actually and I could type for hours, but I do feel that my wife is starting to think a little differently about things; she's already admitted to me that she regrets not having a more promiscuous youth and has started discussions and told me things over the past couple of weeks that have made me ponder things. I also have a habit of not having a filter and responding with the first thing that comes into my head, which causes issues and results in something that should have been a brief flippant chat to a 3 day overthought marriage counselling session. I want to add that we both trust each other implicitly, we both have traditional values and categorically would never do anything with anyone else behind each others back, that would never be a consideration. We've always said that if our marriage ever reached that point, then we'd have a conversation, reevaluate and take things from there. So I KNOW she would never do anything, but I suppose I have serious fear that is something which is on the horizon. We have talked loads over the past couple of weeks, but I have a habit of going over and over the same information until it falls into place (I have mild autism), whereas my wife has processed this already and is starting to get frustrated and uninterested in my constant asking of questions etc. She sufferes from anxiety and depression herself, so this isn't really helping her personal situation. I suppose I'm just hoping to get things off my chest and seek some guidance, I don't have many 'close' friends and I certainly wouldn't discuss this with them; I am very traditional and don't want people knowing my personal business. I have made arrangements to see a counselor, but I can't see her until 19th July and I need to have some release before then, otherwise I go mad.
  2. I (24F) am in a relationship with a 24M of which I am unsure where I stand at the moment. I'm sorry in advance if the following is a little all over the place, just in desperate need of advice/outside perspective. We kept breaking up briefly (few days) past couple months due to me being worried about other girls and him being worried about another guy. Last week I was unsure where I stood with him, I had seen him earlier that week, a couple days later he said he felt single and that he didn't want to be in a relationship. He said this multiple times in the past few weeks, only to come back to me saying he wants to be with me and marry me but that we need to sort through the insecurities in the relationship. He went out of town this past weekend, during which time I found a hotel reservation under his name from the day after he told me he felt single (my laptop was logged into his email). I had spoken to him that day over the phone, because I knew he did not want things to be over (2 days later he said he wanted to marry me). He told me he was on the way to meet a photographer. This was obviously a lie, I confronted him about it, he completely denied it for 2 days and then told me he would explain everything. Since he was out of town and had plans, he dragged out having this conversation until last night. Between me finding the reservation and finally being able to have a conversation with him about it, he went out for drinks with another girl ( a friend I know). This made me a little uneasy, because I was already on edge with everything going on and felt like I'm just not a priority to him at all, as long as he has other girls around him. I know if the tables were turned, I would priorities having this conversation with him first, so not to trigger his anxiety and keep him assuming and overthinking. Last night once I finally got a hold of him, he told me he went on a double date that evening he lied, and that it wasn't really a date but that him, his cousin and 2 girls went to get food and then he booked a hotel for all four of them to have drinks in the room. I feel betrayed, I had tried blocking him off of everything a couple days after he went to that hotel, before I knew anything, only for him to spam call me from another number telling me that it's me he wants and all the other girls that I am worried about mean nothing to him. When I spoke to him last night about this, he left the conversation unfinished and said that he would speak to me about it today, because he was drunk from having drinks with that other girl. Today, I had been trying to reach him for hours, as my anxiety keeps sky rocketing, not knowing what's going to happen between me and him. After trying for hours he finally picks up and tells me he's out having lunch with this girl he met through social media. I broke down. I've known about this girl, and he tells me they are just friends, but I still feel hurt. I feel like he keeps going on "dates" with girls he claims to just be friends. He did the same thing about 2 weeks ago now with another girl whom he met over social media, but they went out for drinks together, all in the name of "net-working". Maybe I have a very old fashioned way of thinking, but I have not felt comfortable going out for drinks or food with other guys I barely know, and I know for a fact he would be mad if I did the same, but he knows I wouldn't, because I feel uncomfortable doing that myself. I know my rational self tells me to just not be in this relationship but I have seriously struggled getting out of it, and my mental health is at a all time at the moment. I guess I am just wanting opinions about not only the whole situation but right now the thing that is bugging me the most is if I am overreacting by the way I feel when he goes out for drinks or food with girls he met through social media. Side note- because of everything going on between me and him, we haven't even gone out for drinks or food ourselves since COVID restrictions have been lifted, and I guess this makes me even more jealous that these girls are getting to spend time with him and I haven't been.
  3. I wish I was pretty. At school all my friends are drop dead gorgeous. Everyone has changed their look coming back prettier than ever, while I have looked the same for basically all my life. Sometimes my friends say that I'm pretty when I self-doubt myself. But I don't think it's true. Every morning I look into the mirror and see all the things wrong with my face. My face is too long, my nose has a huge bump on it, my eyes are to far apart, I have too much acne. I hate everything about it. My cousin is extremely pretty and I always wish I looked like her. My sister is so pretty and always gets compliments. I'm a person who always preaches self love and confidence when I actually have none. I'm always wearing a sweater even on the hottest summer days because I dislike the way my arms look. I want to pretty like the others. I wish I had enough confidence to post on instagram. I wish I didn't always delete every photo I took of myself.
  4. My sister has become a very difficult person to deal with. Over the last year she has developed some very resentful feelings towards me. I think she used to consider herself someone who had her life together, had a well-paying job, an active social life, travelled a lot, and felt a sense of purpose and independence. She suddenly ended up getting fired from her job (which I later found out was due to her boss finding her impossible to deal with), then the pandemic hit, and she was out of work, wasn't able to travel or socialize much, and had to ask my parents for help financially. She was knocked off her feet. I have always had jobs where I did not make as much money as her, but decided to go back to school and finish my degree. During the pandemic, I didn't have to rely on my parents for financial support like she did because I have been living on student loans, learned how to drive, and generally have kept my life together as best I can. I've been very successful in school, recommended for scholarships, and have been praised by my parents for doing well, despite these challenging times we are living in. I think my sister started to become very jealous and resentful of this, as she was used to feeling like the successful one in the family. She started becoming very passive aggressive with me, finding any excuse she could to make judgmental comments, and started comparing everything she was doing to what she perceived me to be doing. For example, since she didn't have a job and was relying on my parents financially, she would go over to their house and cook, clean, help them with things. She started to get really resentful of that, and started complaining to my parents that she did so much more for the family, and that I wasn't as helpful. I spend a lot of my time with my family when I am not busy with school, and help with things, but because I have more obligations, it is true that I am not over as much as her and doing as much stuff. She started trying to convince my parents that she cared more, and saying really negative things about me. I think all this resentment comes from her feeling unhappy and inferior, and I think she compares herself to me and wants my parents to see her as valuable, but it is becoming really toxic. She picks fights over nothing, starts giving me the silent treatment for no reason when I come over, lashes out and gets really angry, and starts trying to bully me into leaving when I have come over to spend time with the family so that she can be the center of attention and not have to share my parents with me. She needs a lot of attention, and gets really angry when my parents are asking me about school or give me any attention. It's getting to the point where she is so difficult to be around that I just can't take it anymore. I have tried talking to her about it and doing nice things for her to show her that I care, and that she does not have to see me as a threat, but she just stonewalls me, gets really defensive, lashes out, and is so impossible to deal with. It's creating so much tension in the family, and puts my parents in a very awkward position. I am at a loss for what to do. This has been ongoing for a good chunk of this year, and it seems to be just getting worse and worse.
  5. She copies the way I speak! How is that even possible!? I'm not sure If you have read my previous posts, but if you have you would know she has never liked me. In fact, I'm sure that's why my oldest sister and her started talking bad about me. I know, this sounds extremely petty, but this behavior is getting on my nerves! I am a very good writer and most of the people in my family know that, but there was one time where I brought it up and she responded with "I didn't know you were a writer!". Keep in mind she barely knew anything about it at the time. Now, she's on to copying that! She took a writing class at her college, but I shouldn't be freaking out about that. It's probably mandatory. Anyway, i have noticed that anything I do or like, she will start to like the same. I really feel like she somehow knows this is getting on my nerves. Has anyone had the same experience? Also, why is she doing this? I know that most people say it's flattering, but it gets to me. I do know for a fact that she was jealous of the time I got on honor roll. She would always say: "I wish I was smart" in a sulky way. Then the year after that she finally started busting her butt to get good grades. Before that she always slacked off. She even started trying to sound smart by using nerdy terminology for everything. I know that in the past, she was jealous of me and sometimes I still feel like she is. It's like she tries to steal everything I like and ultimately take credit for it! It annoys the crap out of me. How should I deal with this? Thanks for reading this guys The help is appreciated I hope I don't sound too much like an A hole lol! I guess I'm just upset.
  6. Found this forum whilst trawling the web for advice. I'm hoping someone here can help me understand what's happening to me. Married for 2 yrs, to the funniest, most loving man I ever met. We have wide social life, lots of friend male and female. I have never been jealous in my entire life and always prided myself in being laid back and understanding in my relationships. My husband is a car mechanic and out of the blue his boss got him a workmate, that turned out to be a petite, dark haired, beautiful Italian woman, some 18 years younger than me. When I first found out, my head literally went numb. I stood for what seemed like an eternity in this place of total silence, everything moving slowly around me and I was sure I was about to faint. After the initial shock, I was very angry. Angry at my husbands boss, then angry at my husband for actually liking her, then angry at myself for not being as beautiful and capable as this woman. Then the chaos hit my perfect marriage. The jealousy that has risen inside of me, has turned me into a hateful person. I hate this woman. I don't even know her, I hate my husband every time he mentions her and I can't stand him touching or loving me when he is home because he has spent his entire day in her company. I actually trawled friends of friends facebook accounts until I found her just to check out her photographs. She is devastatingly beautiful with a personality to match, worst of all she finds my husband funny and she apparently hangs off his every word. My husband admitted he doesn't want to come home anymore, I badger him for information on what every last aspect of their day together. He says he loves me and she is a work colleague and that's it, but I just can't stand it. I basically want ME back. I know the problem lies within myself, but these feelings are so strong I can't control them. I have change so much over the last 6 months I don't think anyone hardly recognises me. I've lost interest in myself, my friends, my job. My every moment is eaten by the knowledge my husband spends 8 hours a day with this woman. Everyone around me says, she is lovely I don't understand why you just can't like her. Which makes me worse. I want her to be a crap mechanic and lose her job. Reality of it she is bloody marvellous at what she does. Can someone please help me understand what is going on here and help me get back on track before my marriage is beyond redemption.
  7. I feel crazy posting this to the internet but I need some advice so, what the hell. Sorry it's so long lol My boyfriend has lived with his family for years, including his 3 yr. old niece; who is just about his favourite person in the world. I moved in with them about 5 months ago, until that point he had such a strong relationship with his niece that they slept in the same bed. Now, I love children, I claim everyone's kid as my own regardless of whether I know them or not. However, from the point I moved in, my boyfriend's sister-in-law made it abundantly clear that she didn't like me and, in turn, didn't want her daughter to like me. This has changed somewhat over the past few months to the point where his niece is now obsessed with both of us, and follows me around just like she'd been doing to him for years. I know that ocassionally he gets jealous thinking that she loves me more than him, but I get jealous that he loves her more than me... or would love her more than our future children. I will admit, I'm a very needy and affectionate person; my bf knows this and he makes me feel loved almost 100% of the time, but sometimes when his niece is around he shows an utter disregard for me. Just an example: yesterday night we had a shower and then got in bed, his niece comes and climbs into our bed, my boyfriend starts to fall asleep.. I'm weird with sleeping and he knows that, I have to have the lights off and usually the tv on, cuddled up with him. She's in between us so I gently said "Babe, if you're tired then let's go to bed." He half-heartedly asked her if she was ready for bed, she didn't answer and he continued snoozing. I nudged him again and told him that I was ready for bed too, so he moved his niece from in between us and laid back down, thinking she was annoying me. It's basically just the fact that she's a toddler and gets to do whatever she wants, she's spoiled to death ; seriously, she cries if you tell her "no." She constantly wants mine or my boyfriend's phone, using it until it dies, or she wants to watch cartoons on our t.v. or draw in my notebooks. Basically she wants to be the center of attention in everything, and I have no freedom to do anything because I feel rude asking my boyfriend to get her out of the room so I can change clothes or go to bed. Also I forgot to mention earlier an don't know where to put it now, but he always holds her, plays with her hair and calls her cute names. He explicitly said to me "I'll love ours just as much," which bothers me because I feel like his niece and his daughter shouldn't be in comparisson. I wonder if our daughter will end up feeling the same way that I do or if he'll act the same with our daughter but still not me. Perhaps it's just that he knows that I know he loves me, regardless of the attention he gives me while a child wouldn't understand that. Not sure if y'all can offer me any advice or if this was just a large rant, but... Thanks, either way.
  8. Long story short. I have been dating and living with my girlfriend who i really love for almost 8 months now. My only issue is that she is good friends with her ex "friends with benefits" friends. To top it all of, she seems to be getting along with them ( 3 in total) really well. she has more common interests with them then she has with me. It makes me question why she chose me instead of them, I guess it may be the fact that we have common values and that we want the same things in life. I keep feeling that she made a mistake and that she will soon realize and let me go. We have spoken about it and she keeps saying that she loves me and that she wants to marry me. But that insecure feeling I have wont go away. I can't ask her to stop being friends with them because that would be unfair. I feel like everytime she talks to them, I keep getting images in my head of what they did together and I can't let it go. Is there a way to feel less insecure about this? Thanks..
  9. I left my narcissist husband last year (after years of his cheating, drinking and reckless behaviour). I zoned out of the marriage years prior and did a lot of grieving and growing during that time so I felt I was ready to move on. A few months later I met a guy and he is my problem. At first everything was ok although I could sense he was a little insecure. He was desperate to push the relationship along at breakneck speed and was pretty pissed when I said we should take our time before talking of moving in together (after like 3 or 4 months). I don’t know really what went wrong but he seemed angry a lot of the time and almost depressed. He admitted to being jealous and said I was too good for him in many different ways. He began to pick fights, he’d walk out, go silent on me, he didn’t put me down directly but he’d question some things I did, and he’d tell me this was who he was and I should accept it. He had few friends, no hobbies, and spent all his time without me alone (I think). This was all interspersed with us still getting along ok and him always telling me I was beautiful and that he loved me. I think he did. I don’t lack confidence. I think he found it difficult to handle that I had my own life and knew how to take care of my own happiness. It takes a lot to shake me but I feel like he tried over and over again. Sometimes he did. I felt that despite dating for almost a year we never had a strong connection and we never had a destination or a future. We did talk about the future but it was all so grainy and we could never agree on what it would look like. Towards the end I was walking on egg shells. He said he was walking on egg shells but that’s BS. I went out of my way to tell him and show him I loved him because I could see he was struggling with insecurity. I avoided arguments but occasionally I would lose it and fight with him, big. Just before I ended it I had planned a night out with a friend and when I told him he never said he was pissed but he was pissed. He admitted to being jealous a couple of times but we never really talked about it since I did nothing to make him feel that way. I feel bad for him. He seems more messed up that I ever imagined. I think I contributed to it somehow. We’ve been in touch and I feel like he’s having a pity party and not entirely taking responsibility. Maybe that takes time. Does it? A part of me wants to help him through it (although he is in withdrawn mode and hasn’t asked) and another part wants to just leave him to it. Has anyone experienced similar and did it end well or not?
  10. Today I (m30) come home and notice my laptop was used while I was out. I ask my partner (f25) about it, and she claims she didn’t touch it. I tell her, that I know she was on it. She changes the story, she just had to quickly look something up on google while cooking. Okay, now I know for sure this is definitely happening… again. I quickly check the browsing history, no google searches while I was away, just Facebook and Gmail. Viber is also open for some reason, but minimized (which I never do). I confront her about this. At first she denies it… but eventually admits it, she was searching for conversations with other girls. I go on long walks around the evening. Somehow, she got this idea that I’m secretly meeting with other girl(s) when I'm out. Her primary suspect was a female friend I have not seen since 2018. I wish I could say this was the first time something like this occurred, but it’s not (see my comment, for two more examples). I have been with my partner for nearly 5 years. Jealousy issues started within the first six months. She became verbally hostile, borderline obsessive at times, when she talked about my exes, female friends, and even some random female acquaintances I crossed paths with. I really need help and advice. I just don’t know what to do. Talking gets us nowhere. We’ve been through all of this hundreds of times. She is also anti therapy of any kind, so there's no way to bring a professional into this. I love her, and she brings so much joy into my life. But at the same time these intense jealousy issues, when they do pop up, are really unbearable. Every time it happens, I’m so close to calling it quits and basically destroying my otherwise great life – then I stay, and things get back to being good quickly. But at the same time I'm not proud of accepting behavior which I know is deeply wrong. In fact, I'm so ashamed that none of my close friends/family know how jealous she gets. (more info in comment below, for anyone who has time to read more details)
  11. Has anyone or your partner overcome it? How does someone over come it and what can I do as a partner to help? My partner won’t agree to see a therapist. She is jealous of the people I slept with prior to meeting her. She also doesn’t think that I found her attractive on our first date. To be honest she is right. I did not at the time and she found out somehow but the more time i spent with her the deeper I fall for her and she is now the most beautiful to me. She just can’t get over it..
  12. Hello all, i am new to this site and the first time i have asked for help regarding my relationship. If anyone can help me with advice and pure honestly i would really appreciate it. I have been with my now fianće for 8 years. We got engaged 6 months ago. When we first meet it was amazing apart from a few things that bothered me. My partner was overly jealous. She didn't like me walking to the shops, going out anywhere without her, talking to friends on the phone for to long. Even going to a restaurant had its difficulties as she would constantly accuse me of looking at other woman, even if they were sitting behind me. If im honest i accepted it because i love her so much. The real problems started two years into the relationship when families got involved. I come from a large very close family. I love and adore my parents and my siblings. At first my partner showed alot of effort with them and it meant the world to me. After a short while my mother, younger brother and younger sister would visit a couple of times a week and my partner would show less effort with them and basically start to show her discomfort by acting moody. Of course my mother and brother noticed this. I have made many excuses for my partner as i wouldnt want to upset my family. I have spoken to my partner 100s of times about this but nothing has changed. In her defence, she comes from a family that are not very close. She speaks to her mother once a week if that. She has no true friends which i find odd also. Another important note to make which is most shocking is that i am not welcome to her mothers house. We dont have any problems. We get on very well but for some reason they do not have visitors to there home. My mother on the other hand invites us as a family for dinner regularly but my partner makes excuses and does not attend 99% of the time. After several arguments about this situation she has now started coming up with the most ridiculous reasons for not liking my mother and my younger sister who is 5 years old by the way. Here are a few of her reasons Your younger brother kept asking for chrisps when they visited. Your sister is makes a mess and your mother does not clean up her mess before she leaves (the mess being a few toys) Your mother asked your older brother to cut her grass. You speak to your mother to many times a week I dont know if the problem here is that my siblings and i help our mother as much as we can and it makes her jealous or is it something else. Yes we are close as a family and yes we help our mother when ever she needs us. Our father died a few years back and it has been hard on us all. Is it so bad that we are helpful. Is it so bad that we all love each other and would do anything to make each other happy. Would this get better. Do i just hope she will realise she has a good man by her side. I have dedicated myself to her. I show her and her family love and respect. I do everything and anything to make her happy. Why am i not getting the same. Am i doing something wrong. Do i leave her.
  13. My ex and I broke up (LDR) less than 3 months ago and I went complete NC as soon as he broke up with me. After the first month of our break up he started calling. It then progresses to him calling, texting and emailing me for the next 2 months. Now, we are back talking again and we’re both confused of what’s the next course of action. He then said that recently he met this girl online (from another country) and they started talking about stuff however things are very platonic and he wouldn’t think of her in any other way that being a frend. I admitted that I am hurt because I am his ex and we recently broke up and of course I won’t be too elated for this fact. I know that what I feel is quite normal especially if it’s a recent BU. I decided to lie low again and stop contacting him just so I can think things through. Give me some insights what’s the best course of action for this. Appreciate it!
  14. Good morning everyone, This is something that has plagued my mind from the beginning of this relationship. I met this amazing man almost a year ago. We had an instant connection like I haven't felt with anyone in years. We've quickly become best friends and head over heels in love. He treats me amazingly well, and his love for me shows in everything he does. I seem to have a pattern of being really unsure for a long time in relationships, feeling like I'm not good enough and being suspicious why my partner wants me. It doesn't help that I've been burned and fooled badly a few times and as a result I'm just highly skeptical especially when things are what feel "too good to be true". So very early on when I met my boyfriend, he told me about a girl who used to be his best friend. At this point (at the time he described her to me), they had recently just started to talk again (couple months before I came into the picture) after having not spoken for what he says was a period of three years. Right away he divulged that after over 15 years of friendship, they had ended up having a brief (couple of months according to him) sexual relationship. He also described that they had always just been friends before, even sleeping next to each other in the same bed ( apparently he even did this during his 9 year relationship he was in) and nothing ever happened, but then they made the leap one day. He said they "didn't want to label it anything incase they would ruin their friendship"... I came to learn later on that this girl had become a problem during his 9 year relationship, according to him his ex was "insecure and jealous of her, so he had to be a bad friend and stop seeing her". The part that is bothering me the most is that he told me after the 9 year relationship ended, after 10 months of splitting up and him being celibate that entire time, he slept with the best friend... Ultimately proving his ex girlfriend's fears were founded. Now according to him that was about three years ago, so you can figure out that whatever their falling out was, it happened around the time they were sleeping together and then they had no contact until a couple months before I came along. At one point early on my boyfriend was pushing for me to meet her which I told him I wasn't comfortable with. He eventually dropped it. As of now, I don't know if they are still in contact or not. Now I feel extremely insecure about this, that I am his second option because he couldn't be with her (after three years of not talking, she is now engaged) and my fear is she is in the back of his mind as the one he really wanted, but couldn't have so he went out and then I come into his life. We have talked about this before and he tells me that I have nothing to worry about, and that she's not really in his life anymore but I worry that they have some lingering feelings there that keep them connected (he admitted they both had feelings at the point where they were sleeping together). I can't shake this feeling like I could be a second option to him, and I don't know if it's all in my head, or if I should look at what happened after his last long term relationship and think maybe that could happen to me? I'm so sorry this is so long guys, and if anyone has taken the time to read all this I truly thank you and appreciate your time and hopefully some advice to what I should maybe do about all this? I want to be with him and feel secure. Right now this whole thing has me feeling very guarded with him and I'd like to let it go if I can....
  15. Naturally, I was never really a person who would get jealous in general but recently being in a longer relationship it started to come out of me - not mild but very bad. Everytime I see a girl passing by especially wearing a bit revealing clothes, I look at my boyfriend to see if he will look at her, and usually he does. It hurts me deep even though that glance lasts for a second. When I tell him to stop doing it he tells me he doesn't and that I'm imagining but I'm pretty sure I have 2 healthy eyes. Now, I know I sound insane and I feel that it's very unhealthy for me to behave like this but I just don't know how to stop it/deal with it. It's getting out of hand and I don't even know why I started feeling this way out of nowhere. It literally makes me insane and I keep having nightmares. I have to mention, everything else in our relationship is great. This guy moved to my country just to be with me. However, I cannot accept this - it plants insecurity in me and it makes me lose trust in him. I wish I could change my ways if I'm wrong here.
  16. So I just got out of a year long relationship and one of the problems I ran into was making my girlfriend feel comfortable in her own skin while also looking good to me. My ex was very self conscious about her bad skin and her appearance and I worked really hard to try to make her feel beautiful and comfortable with or without makeup and regardless of what she was wearing. So after about a half year of dating she started getting more confident and comfortable wearing no make up and just basic sweats and casual clothes, which I was totally okay with I still loved her and thought she was super pretty, but then she would go out with friends or go to school events and she would get all dressed up and would wear makeup. This would make me kinda jealous as she wouldn’t even wear makeup or dress up for our dates anymore. Is this normal to be getting jealous/ disappointed about? And In the future how do I nicely tell a girl to get dressed up for me every once in awhile without sounding rude? Thx
  17. I (23, female) dated a guy (32) online for almost a year. We had our ups and downs like every other relationship. I assume the relationship being online made the issues we had feel or seem much worse than usual and I do not think we would've had those problems in real life (mainly jealousy, intimacy and distance). Anyway, fights would get worse months into the relationship, to the point where he wanted to end things. I did not want to end things, because i strongly believed in the relationship, especially since I've never felt so strong about someone before (even if it was "just online"). He used to be jealous at first, and kind of "possessive" I would say and later on I started to get jealous, so it feels like we kind of switched our roles after a while. Even though he would text me and call me all the time, I was jealous and I don't know why.. I assume I was just scared of losing him, didn't feel like I was good enough, etc. About the intimacy situation, I was never really a fan of sending nudes, because I'm not happy with how I look and because guys in my past I got close to only wanted to have sex and nothing serious (yes, it is unfair to let that control my current situation, I know). Especially with him, I wanted it to be serious and more than just that. At first, I kind of felt "pressured" into it, because he is a really horny person, but later on I felt comfortable myself and started slowly doing on my own. Distance would of course make things a lot worse. It was hard finding a time to meet up, because he works full-time and I was busy with university. Whenever I was free and could visit him, we were going through arguments so I honestly felt uncomfortable meeting on bad terms. He was also expecting me to be the one who visits him. I agreed with it making more sense if i visited him, but he was stuck up on the idea of only me flying to him and there was no other possibility until later on where he started to take him flying to me as a possibility too. I was also scared of him "expecting" sexual things of me that I might not feel ready to do (because of the fights about the intimacy). Yeah, now he sounds pretty , but I did wrong things too. Since I did not feel comfortable enough to meet up and I travel generally a lot with my friends, I would use that free-time I had to travel with my friends - and that happened twice. He was really hurt at me prioritizing my friends over him, which I completely understand. So overall, happened. Of course, in the moment everything feels so much worse, but if I look back I feel like i had nothing to be afraid of. I got jealous over stupid stuff when he used to change things for me a lot and I just expected more of him when he already gave me so much. He loved me and my body and there was nothing wrong with that. I regret not just flying to him much earlier even if things were going bad, because I'm 100% sure that a lot of things could've been avoided later on If i had done that. He genuinely loved me and showed me that so much and I was too stupid. So therefore I tried to work on the problems we had, because there were primarily on me. So after the "breakup", he would really cold and distanced. But I didn't give up and kept putting a lot of effort. It was a really hard time for me, especially since I still loved him the same after all the fights and he started to lose feelings for me. I was not happy. I wanted things to get better. I wanted to be happy with him again. He would be really cruel to me at some situations, block me, say horrible things and make me cry a lot. After almost two months of that, he would be less annoyed at me and talk to me a bit more again. But at the time, I think he had lost his feelings for me. He kept saying that he feels off and is just not feeling it and doesn't know why which broke my heart. But I tried to stay positive and kept putting effort and fighting for him. Eventually, we talked about meeting up to see how things work out in real life and how he feels. I basically knew that if things don't go well, it would be completely over. But it went wonderful. I loved every second we spent together, we both didn't expect it to go that well. He was lovely, caring and really cute. A lot different than online. I actually flew back with the mindset of planning the next meet up and saw that as a new start for us. But when I was home, he acted the same as before.. or even more distanced. He didn't feel much after it, and broke it off completely. It destroyed my world. I begged him for almost two weeks daily to give it another try, would google advice and try that, suggested to talk as friends and see how he feels in a few months. But nope. Nothing. He even blocked me for a few days and once he unblocked I tried again. He said he even feels worse about me now after this. I'm devastated. I'm broken. Almost three months of trying everything did nothing. I'm still in love with him even if I'm so heartbroken and sad and angry at him. I want him back. I asked him if he even wants me to stay in his life, and he said before he did but that I'm too unbearable now. I can't help how I feel. I never thought I'd feel this devastated. What can I do? Is there any possibility of it ever working out again? Will staying away from him do something for him? Is it impossible to get feelings back if you had them before? He said he would want me a little as a friend sometime, but not now. Is he just too drained right now that he feels that way currently? Will it eventually get better? Is it possible that if we hopefully talk someday again that he would want more again? What can I do to get him back?
  18. Broke up with my first boyfriend years ago, it affected me a lot because he has a "type" and I can't help but compare myself to the new women he may be dating. We remained friends (no longer) for a while and I recall this conversation that I go over and over in my head; Him: She never texts me but I'm just trying to respect her space Me: She must be damn hot or something for you to still try and work things out despite her ignoring you for weeks like that Him: She IS hot...... I am definitely still in love with him and these thought I'm afraid are becoming crippling to my self esteem. Should I try and make arrangements to speak to a conselor about this? Has Anyone else experienced this?
  19. Hello, im new here and I really need advice from some outsiders that are completely non bias to me, my partner and our situation, this is long, and sounds crazy but please let me know your honest opinions.TIA. My partner and I have been seeing each other since July of 2016, at the time we were working the same place, saw each other every day but we only hung out here and there outside of work, we got a little closer later on in 2016 and in the beginning of 2017 until about may when we just completely stopped talking to each other until around October. I was aware that he had been dealing with another woman since pretty much the time I started talking to him, however they were not in a relationship, even she had admitted that to me, although she claimed to have been in love with him. I assume during the time we stopped talking he was dealing with her much closer than before and I respected it, I wasnt in love with him at that point anyway. Anyways we started talking again in October of 2017 and from that point on we just got closer and closer, by the time January of 2018 he was pretty much at my house, day and night for weeks on end, he'd go home to his own place for a couple nights then come back and be with me for another long stretch of time. We were never technically in a relationship as a couple and we both knew this, however, we acted as though we were a couple, you wouldnt have been able to tell any different. Hes a great guy, he is wonderful to my kids he treats them as his own, he takes on responsibilities that do not belong to him when it comes to them, and anything else in my life, helps out financially without being asked, he really is a good guy, not perfect by any means but a good person. So in July of 2018 I noticed this same female from before putting hearts on his Facebook and I questioned him about it just wanting to know if he was still dealing with her, of course he denied so I reached out to her, long story short he had still been seeing her on occasion but I guess from what she had said he had pretty much almost stopped dealing with her altogether but was still feeding her crumbs every now and then just to keep her around, after I confronted him about it he stopped talking to her altogether(according to her) and was solely dealing with me and we continued our usual,him being with me everyday and night and this continued all the way until I would say August of this year. Of course during that time we became extremely close, we had a bond and a connection, I fell in love with him, he said he loved me as well, he was my best friend. We did everything together. O and this female he was dealing with had gotten pregnant in August of 2018 and was claiming it was his baby up until this September when they took a DNA test and it was determined not to be his. Also in September of this year we had woken up one morning I had noticed that I had 17 missed calls on my FB messenger from this female, I told him, I called her back myself on my way to work she told me he had recently started contacting her again, wanting to hang out etc. Blah blah blah so fast forward to that same day when I came home from work he had decided that he wanted me, the other girl and him to all be in a relationship together and basically if either of us didnt want to then we could just take a hike. I was completely and utterly devastated. Eventually after a lot of tears and talk I reluctantly agreed because I do love this man. Now it's been a struggle, jealousy of course. She feels jealous because she says I'm the woman he had chosen over her and I completely understand that and I could see why she could be hurt. However on my end, and I try to get the both of them to see my point, is that I was the one who was getting all his time, attention, efforts, we used to just talk and talk for hours about everything, our future, I woke up with this man day in and day out, the sex was absolutely amazing simply because of the passion and love that we had.now everything is changed, I've got to share him so now I never get any alone time with him, we barely talk and when we do its arguing because im so hurt deep inside that I feel like he just ripped away everything I had with him to bring this female into our situation which makes me feel like he must be in love with her since he was willing to lose my for this. We dont vibe the way we used to, we constantly bicker and fight, he talks to me in ways he never did before and idk if it's because I'm always so angry and sad because I've lost what I myself had with him, now we all spend time together, sleep together, I feel as tho he is closer to her, they talk and laugh, and she doesn't seem hurt at all about anything which why would she now? Shes got him back and he basically decided to bring her into this and was willing to let me go for it...but they both always tell me I have no reason to be sad, im the one he gave his everything to for the last 2 years so now I'm just being spoiled and selfish because I just want him to myself, which ultimately of course I would like that, but truthfully I dont even mind being in this type of relationship its just that I dont feel like me and him are connected the way we were and that's what hurts the most, I feel like if him and me could put that back together then I could do this with no problem, but he says he doesnt feel like.anything has changed between him and I. Idk what to do I really don't, I dont want to let go but I can't watch the man I love be in love with another woman. Any advice? Please, it doesnt matter what it is I just really need someone else's opinion on this situation, thank you.
  20. I have been dating my boyfriend for just about 9 months now. I am 23 and he is 25. Going into the relationship I was a virgin and he was not. He was single for a long time, basically 20-25, and in that time he went through hell. Battling drug addiction, getting kicked out of school, the loss of several loved ones, severe mental health issues. He comes from a broken home and two fathers who both abandoned him. I have diagnosed OCD and am being eaten alive by retroactive jealousy in what has amounted to my absolute worst fears in a relationship. I knew all of this going into it and was okay with it but I did not know the full extent of his sexual history. He lied to me about it and about a week ago I fully found out. Before I go into detail I feel that I should say that he’s been an incredibly loving and kind boyfriend. He’s sweet and does so much for me. He has told me that Im the reason he’s putting his life back together and since we met he’s gotten a job he loves in the career path of his choice, he got a car, he’s going back to school and he’s made progress with his mental health. I feel honored to have been there for him and helped him so much in such a short amount of time and that he would’ve done all of that for me. He has been totally loyal and good to me. What’s eating me up inside though is that in our relationship he definitely seems to prefer topping, while he was almost exclusively a bottom before me. I found out after questioning, which only after going online I realize I shouldn’t have done, that he likes rough and degrading sex and had many casual hookups. He initially told me he’d been with around 10 people. I now know it to be more like 30. This was happening right before we met and had not occurred throughout his adulthood. There were extended periods where he was basically celibate but it seems like when he got out of rehab he used this as another way to fill a void. I’m hurt, ashamed and disgusted by what I know. I don’t understand it at all and can’t seem to get a handle on my thoughts. I know he would send nudes and even had a sex video that he would send to hookups. This has turned into my absolute worst nightmare scenario. He told me the reason he didn’t tell me is because he was ashamed and didn’t want to believe that he really liked those things, or for me to see him in that way. So now I’m also hurt that he wouldn’t tell me and that he didn’t want that with me. I know he did it partly because he was lonely in a new city, he felt isolated and wanted attention and to be wanted. I know that he was in a very difficult time in his life. I can’t stop imagining him being degraded by other people, hookups, and the way that it was rough sex. It’s unimaginable to me that he liked to be degraded by strangers during sex. It feels unbelievable that this has happened and I can’t look at him the same way. I wish so terribly he hadn’t lied and I’d been able to make a choice early on if I wanted to be with him or not. I feel so repulsed and sickened knowing that that happened. My mind is constantly racing, I constantly ache, and I feel totally heartbroken. My OCD has made this a real world nightmare and it’s like I can see and hear all of this going on. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and I can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t know how to meld his actions with my values however and I also don’t know how to get over everything I now know. I’m literally sickened. I can’t eat and can barely sleep. It’s plaguing me every minute of the day. I’ve lost over 10 pounds in a week because of this and I need help. I need advice on what to do and what to think. How to correct my thoughts and how to come to terms and be able to deal with this. Or if it’s too much for anyone to deal with and I should save us both agony and end things. I’m sure it’s even worse because I have no sexual history of my own but I think it would be difficult for anyone to bear. Please help, any advice and know how is much appreciated.
  21. So this girl and I were friends for a year..we almost started hanging out alone but but it became a mess..she had a bf...I backed off, then she messaged me asking how I was. I noticed she broke up with her bf so I said we should hang out...she said she was going on vacation but wanted to hang out when she got back...I told her let me know when she gets back and well plan something...that was 3 weeks ago...I texted her yesterday...she never texted back but then showed up to my work with another guy...they didnt seem particularly interested in each other and she didn't say hi to me or anything. Seemed very odd she would come right into my work after ignoring me...it felt more like a test to see if I'd get jealous..or am I reading into it?
  22. Hi all, I started at my new company about 5 months ago. When I started my new job (which is completely different from any of the jobs I had before), there was another guy (same age as me) who was starting as well. The management assigned me the smallest portfolio and he was assigned quite a large one. The difference is I had a few weeks training whereas he had none because there's no one available to train him. He's just trying to figure this out himself or by asking questions to others. A few weeks ago, we got wind that there would be a new portfolio created as the company is setting up a new service. This new service would be the same as the services provided on the guy's portfolio, except for another type of clients thus requiring the set up of a new service line and portfolio. As I have a smaller portfolio than most, they assigned this new one to me as well. A few days ago, a girl who has a rather large portfolio asked me to be her back-up for when she's off. The management prompted her to designate me as her back-up although there is another person who worked on this portfolio as well who could have assisted. I understand that I have a smaller portfolio, so they are trying to fill in the gaps and utilize my capacity which is fine for me, obviously. However, this new guy that started at the same time I did keeps asking: 1. Why didn't they assign the new service portfolio to him as it is ultimately the same service as the one provided by his service line. 2. Why was I designated as the back-up for the other girl when there's someone else who could have assisted as she worked on that portfolio? To me, it's all about utilizing my capacity but he's questionning. Is he jealous or am I being a bit paranoid?
  23. Hi everyone, I'm a 32 year old guy. I have always pondered on the topic of trust and jealousy in relationships. First, I would like to explain my perspective and then I would like to hear the views of others. It will be a long post, I'll try to articulate my thoughts as much as I can. Platonic relationships: I am quite conservative when it comes to platonic relationships. I know that its a debatable topic. In my personal experience, I have never seen platonic relationships working well unless the two people do not find each other attractive or there is something else holding them back from forming a relationship with each other. For instance, a very big age difference or some religious concerns or if they are married (although we have seen married people cheating too, sadly.) Also, from what I have learned, women usually are more open to the idea of platonic relationships than men. We often see attractive women who have many male friends. However, men usually don't prefer to be friends with attractive girls. I am sure you have all come across those men in your life who try to be nice and stick around waiting for that day when the girl accepts him. Sometimes even when a girl is in a committed relationship, there are men who are sitting at the fence and waiting for something to go wrong and then they exploit her in a vulnerable situation. I have even seen men who bad mouth a woman's significant other by saying that "He should treat you better" and things like that. Its rather rare for men to be appreciative of an attractive girl's husband/boyfriend. In my personal life, even the girls whom I did not find attractive and was just friends with, sooner or later, their feelings were evident and they wanted more than just friendship. There was an attractive lady who was 12 years older than me. I used to have conversations with her sometimes. I was absolutely surprised when she expressed interest in me after 1 year of friendship where all we did was just talk or share some life experiences. Physical intimacy usually follows emotional intimacy. Repeated exposure to a person of opposite sex who exhibits a good level of understanding, offers emotional support and is near your age can result in attraction especially when one of the two is vulnerable. I also understand that there are plenty of articles and videos on Internet who teach "modern men" to be cool, try to act alpha around their women and never be uncomfortable in such situations. Some of them say, that your girl might even try to make you feel jealous at times and put you through some " tests". Always act cool and she will only see you as a confident person. I would like to hear from the women on this Forum. Do you really think this is a sign of maturity from a woman? And why are there so many articles teaching men to pretend to be someone they are not. Infidelity We are living in a time when divorce rates seem to be through the roof. And if I am not wrong, they are only increasing with time. Even in conservative parts of the world where divorce rates were significantly lower, there has been an increase in the past few years. In some places, divorce rates are not going up because many people have voluntarily chosen not to get married and be single. One of the popular reasons for relationship problems is usually a partner cheating and having a "physical" or "emotional" affair with another person (single or married). And in most cases, it turns out that the person they are having an affair with is someone they used to refer to as a "friend". I personally feel that a lot of times, words like "insecurity" and "jealousy" and "trust issues" are used too often to dismiss or act defensive when we know deep within that the concerns of our significant other are reasonable. I do not believe that "trust" is something that comes as a bonus of being with a person. Trust is something which is built with time. It can only take a second to break the trust but take ages to build it. So, in my opinion, its reasonable to have concerns and openly discuss with your partner if something makes you feel uncomfortable about their interaction with a person of opposite sex. Instead of living in the fear that you might be judged as a "jealous" person. I looked through most of the posts on this Forum and there were numerous cases of people being hurt that their partner is communicating a lot with a person of opposite sex. For instance, a girlfriend/wife talking to another guy (single/married) or even an Ex in some cases. And in all these cases, I saw a common pattern. They were assured by their partner that its just "friendship" and soon they realized it was more than that. And I also don't agree with this talk about "be an alpha male" and exhibit confidence all the time in such cases. If we are talking about being alpha then history has shown that men had to fight for what they want and protect it from other men. There will always be other men who want something which you have. Jealous Ex-Boyfriends During my communication with different girls in past few years, I have observed a pattern about the "ex boyfriend being jealous". They often say that their Ex Boyfriend was jealous of "their friends". It takes a bit of digging to realize that, by friends they meant "guy friends". They were jealous of the interaction between their girlfriend and some guy. And these girls say: "He did not trust me, he was jealous of my friend". And at the same time, these girls did not like the fact when their boyfriend/husband would communicate with other women (either on call at home or hang out with them in cafe). So, this comes across as double standards and the lack of ability to think from another person's point of view. I always feel "don't do the things to your partner which you would not like to be done to yourself.". I think meeting as a couple with other couples is healthy. Interaction with opposite sex in such places are healthy and very rarely result in problems. In a workplace, interaction with people of opposite sex is common as well for work purpose. Although, I am aware that even at workplace people try to cross boundaries. I want to hear the views of other people on this topic. And not "politically correct" views but something that they truly feel and think. Something that they experienced. If you have personal experiences, kindly share them too. Would love to learn more.
  24. Hi im 24 year old lesbian and my girlfriend is 24 and I get jealous everytime she messaging on her phone and i accidentally logged into her snapchat account and blocked people from talking to her
  25. So my boyfriend has a very close group of friend he sees almost every week. We all hang out together. One of my boyfriend's friend has a girlfriend. Lets call his friend Jim and his girlfriend Lindy. Jim and Lindy have been dating around the same time my boyfriend and I started dating. They didn't show much PDA before but recently started being lovey dovey. Jim talks a lot about Lindy even when she's right there and always show her a lot of attention and centers around her even around guy friends. My boyfriends friends all started considering her as the queen and seem to approve of her. They are like the spotlight of every friend hang out. Jim announced to his friends that Lindy is the one he will be marrying in the future. Although its cute, I felt slight jealousy. Jealous that I want my boyfriend to make me feel that special or give me that attention in front of his friends. On the contrary, my boyfriend doesnt talk about me or about us around his friends. He's the quiet type of person that just stays quiet. I know its because of my insecurities of myself and of us. This is some background to our relationship: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now. But in between that time, he broke up with me several times. One of the time was because he was overwhelmed with everything and don't think he can commit to anything right now. Another time we broke up, his answer was because he doesn't feel the love for me anymore and it hurt to hear it. A little after those times, we made up and he told me I'm the one he wants to marry in the future and the one he loves. After those times, my trust for him broke and I felt insecure of this relationship. I'm trying to figure out how to recover from the broken pieces and resume how we were like before. I still struggle with fixing it. I guess it didn't help that he told his friends the details of our breakup and it made me feel like the bad person. He told his friends negative things of me which I feel made them think differently of me in a bad way. Sometimes we hang out all together and I notice they treat me differently to Lindy. It doesn't help that they are all korean and sometimes speak in their own language that I can't understand and my boyfriend doesnt translate to me what they are talking about. I feel really excluded and insignificant. Jim also talked about getting a house and living together in the future with my boyfriend and their friends, including Lindy. This made me feel so excluded and don't belong because I was part of the plan and my boyfriend has no input on anything his friends say and always go along. Sometimes to the point he considers his friends' and others' feelings over mine and he admitted to this. I don't feel like his priority. I do tell my boyfriend that I feel jealous and bad about his friend's relationship and that I would like if he talked about me or us more to his friends. But nothing changes and I don't know how to deal with it.
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