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Honey Pumpkin

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Everything posted by Honey Pumpkin

  1. Honey Pumpkin
    That's a really good point - I liked this, thanks for posting. It makes a LOT of sense, that if someone has kind of already gone through these emotions, they are in a different place to you when it's finished. Sort of already gone through the grieving and upset for the relationship, and just feeling a sense of relief that they have made their decision. I must remember this - I think this is a good piece of advice.
  2. Honey Pumpkin
    I think some people like having lots of 'fall-back' positions, and so they do just enough to keep you interested, without actually being there for you. Maybe it's that you're not really what they want, but you'll do until something better comes along. Having said that, how do you know that s/he is not that into you??? Just a thought...
  3. Honey Pumpkin
    Huge congratulations on the birth of your baby! Yay, that's some fantastic news to read when you first come on ENotAlone!!! Sorry that you're having a rough time with the baby's father - I'm glad that you're getting a lot of good advice and practical things to do. I hope that things go smoothly in the future - you're going to be hands full with the wee one! Awwww, so pleased for you!
  4. Honey Pumpkin
    I had that too - mine was (weirdly) a reaction to too much dairy; an allergic reaction anyway. I was clawing at my skin in my sleep. Moisturising and an anti-histamine worked really well, and let my skin heal. It was horrible though - I was taking those pro-biotic drinks. Has anything changed in your diet or surroundings that might make you itch without realising it?
  5. Honey Pumpkin
    Ooh, that's interesting! I don't know. I mean, speaking for myself, there is DNA and cycles and all that, but I have never cheated on anyone, and I don't *think* I would ever cheat on someone. I think there is the physiological, and that's absolutely fascinating, but the article doesn't allow for the psychological, or the personality. For me, integrity is something that you can develop and work on, and so there is always a strong component of free choice as well. Does make you think though! Thanks for posting.
  6. Honey Pumpkin
    I think you should be on your own for a while. Maybe that would give you the perspective you need, because it's not an either/or choice, you could go for the third option - YOU! I feel a little sorry for your boyfriend, and the comment 'settling for less'. Because I would be devastated if someone 'settled' for me. I think there is someone out there who will think the world of him, and it's not you. That's okay though - better to know now rather than after the wedding. Also, if I were guy two, I would rather you came to me to try a relationship after ending it with your current boyfriend and being single - less baggage somehow, and showing that you were prepared to make a tough choice, without any guarantees of anything. That to me would be the mature step. Good luck - I don't think you should carry on with your boyfriend feeling like that; it's not fair to you, and it's definitely not fair to him.
  7. Honey Pumpkin
    That's a tough one - I know what you mean; there is a tendency in the UK to use the term 'gay' for sensitive/female etc, as a derogatory term. Big hoo-hah in the press about it a little while ago, actually. I think I would talk to your friend quickly, if I were you. Say that it's been on your mind, and that the moment you heard yourself say it you were kicking yourself, and have been ever since. Ask her if she would like you to apologise to her friends, and take your cue from her. I wouldn't worry too much though - I think that in people's lives they have heard worse, and someone who genuinely is upset is absolutely fine. Plus my gay friends DO use that term a lot as well, and much stronger language too - I think you might be worrying a bit too much. Be sincere, talk to your friend, ask her opinion. At the very least, she will go back to her friends about it too. Good luck!
  8. Honey Pumpkin
    Your friends sound horrible! Tell them that it's really hurting your feelings, and to back off. I think that when you feel down on yourself, it affects your self-confidnece and that shows through. This site on the bbc offers a confidence boosting course - you might want to have a quick look at it? They usually offer pretty good advice link removed
  9. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi Iron Pumper, I'm sorry you feel so rough. I think that your post is a combination of things, which are all entangled up. First of all, the girl last night sounds a wee bit cruel to me: It's one thing for a trusted friend to tell you this, or someone you've known for a while, or even someone who you ask on Enotalone! But for a date to tell you all that - she sounds cruel to me. Who says that to someone they have just met? She doesn't know you, and I would discount that meeting at bad luck. The love for the 30 year old girl - 18 years isn't such a big age difference. (There is nearly 30 years age difference between my parents - they've been married for 44 years!). I don't see that as an insurmountable barrier to be honest. But it sounds as though that didn't work out - am I right? Did you break up as such, or was she not interested, or did you decide to let it go? I think there is a difference between you still living at home and you giving a home to your parents - I would admire someone who gave a home to their mother, although I *might* be a bit wary. Do you have your independence, and are boundaries firmly in place? That might be something to look at, to make sure that your mother is not dominating your home. I know it's hard though. You're not a loser - don't be hard on yourself. If I were dating, I would not mind meeting someone like you, because you seem honest and kind, although maybe your confidence would be low. My advice is to maybe start looking at ways to open up your life - try new things, new sports, new holidays, new clubs etc. Rather than the cruel world of dating, make the activity the thing you do. Maybe look for friends first, go to the theatre, film clubs, volunteer work, social activities, cookery classes, language classes etc. Because that's a nicer and easier way to ease yourself into socialising - put yourself out there, make a wider social circle for yourself, let women see your kind, caring nature and fall for that first, rather than the really random world of online dating. I think in your circumstances that would build your confidence first. And keep posting here! Take care.
  10. Honey Pumpkin
    Gotta say, most teachers won't become friends with students because of the climate these days of fears of false accusations (or real accusations!). When I was a PhD student, I became good friends with the professors, but that was more because we were equals on some levels in terms of teaching. My male friends who are still academics and young won't ever socialise with students; potentially too difficult. I think most people are wary these days about being friends with their students - and a lot of guidelines are against this. Why do you ask?
  11. Honey Pumpkin
    No you don't need to talk to him - I think you're right, you're coming to an end of the grieving process, hence the odd dreams. But what would you achieve by talking to him again? Leave it another week - see how you feel this time next week, and if that strong impulse is still there. I don't think it will be, which is why I'm saying to wait for a few days. I think if you did contact him just now, you may regret it. I can understand that - once he's gone, he's gone. Except if you're in contact by IM, well, distance doesn't make any difference. You WILL be over this - you're doing fantastically well, and look how far you've come. Keep going, it will get better and better. Honest! Keep posting here, and try to resist contacting him until you're sure exactly why you're getting in touch. Give it a week, see how you feel then. Take care!
  12. Honey Pumpkin
    I think he's trying to dump you and taking the coward's way out. Sorry, but this is a really horrible way to do it. I mean, not answering your texts etc? That's pretty unkind. I don't get what he's saying either. The distance thing is hard, but asking for more distance - that to me sounds like breaking up, but hanging on by a little bit until he's ready to make that jump. LD relationships DO work, but they take time, commitment and communication, not this kind of behaviour. To be honest, I would talk to him honestly when he's there next weekend, but it doesn't sound good to me. But I don't know how you guys normally work - think about what YOU want, and how you want to be. This doesn't sound at all great for you.
  13. Honey Pumpkin
    Agree - quick email to say to ignore the one last night. Try to make it perky and upbeat if possible as well, and apologetic. I wouldn't be too bothered about getting that kind of email, and actually it might work well for you, she might want to talk to you about the stuff you've written - give you a chance to open up! Good luck.
  14. Honey Pumpkin
    That's tough - I guess I would decide how you are going to be with him (polite, cool, friendly, detached) and stick to it no matter how he is. That is, you decide your behaviour and not let it be dictated to by him. At least you might feel a little more in control. I wouldn't try for friendship, I would try for polite chat, like you would to someone in an interview room or something!! Good luck.
  15. Honey Pumpkin
    Do it quickly and kindly, but be firm - don't let him have any false hope. Be absolulely clear that there is no chance that you will get back together. Tell him you're incompatible, he's a nice guy but you're not happy with him and you don't see that changing. Stick to your guns. After 3 months he'll get over you quite quickly - a few months at most. After three years it would take him a LOT longer. The more quickly you do it, the better; the longer you leave it the more it's going to hurt him. Good luck!
  16. Honey Pumpkin
    First of all, I don't think you should get back with your girlfriend - or at least not for the foreseeable future. I don't think she would take you back anyway, to be honest, because for most women I know the first sign of physical abuse and that's it, no ifs and or buts. Secondly, I don't know. I am torn, because on the one hand you did hit someone in a fight, but on the other it's the first time and you're mortified by doing it. The advice for perpetrators of violence don't seem especially relevant to you, but do you get angry a lot? I mean, fighting and shouting at your partners, and this spilled over for the first time? There is some good (calm!) advice on this website that you might want to read through at least: link removed I think you also need to try anger management classes to explore this further. I think for your own peace of mind you SHOULD try to do something practical to look at your own behaviour, to make sure that it never happens again. I'm sorry you feel bad. I guess it must have been a shock to you to find you were capable of that.
  17. Honey Pumpkin
    I love living on my own - I could not live with room mates again; I love having my own bathroom, my own kitchen, my own everything! And I'm very sociable, but I love having my own space. I think it's a sign of growing up - enjoy. Also maybe having the money to be abe to finally live on your own at last!
  18. Honey Pumpkin
    Good for you for trying to help her - but your disappointment in her is hard. I think you need to take a step back, because you sound overly involved in this young woman. You can offer her help, but you are NOT her father; you are not her family. You are not that far apart in age. Do you have a partner? How does she feel about your investment in this young woman? You have to let go - you have offered her help, but now it's time to step back. If you feel this strongly about helping people in that situation, maybe look at community/volunteer work, because you obvioulsy have a drive to help others. I'm sorry you're in pain; you tried, which is more than most people do.
  19. Honey Pumpkin
    This happened to me last year - for about a month - and I think it was called 'telogen effluvium'. This is the bit about it from the BBC website: It lasted about three months, and then I had loads of tiny baby hairs growing in! My hair felt a bit thinner to me, but no one else noticed. But yes, it seemed to pour out in the shower. I made myself NOT panic about it, and to not keep tugging through my hair. That seemed to help. And I started to take perfectil, which really helped as well. It could also be the thyroid as well - if it's very bad, check it out with your doctor. But honestly, I was panicking like crazy about it, and it stopped like all the websites said it would of its own accord, and that was that. Mine came about after a month of being really ill, and stressed, and I think that triggered it. Let me know if you want some of the URLs of the websites I looked at - they helped me to relax last year! Take care.
  20. Honey Pumpkin
    I'm with Eva - keep it nice, keep it short, and move on. Your response kind of is asking for a discussion with her, and stirring the whole thing up again. Be polite, be kind, but don't write something that sort of invites a response from her. Hey, and congrats on passing the interview!
  21. Honey Pumpkin
    Ouch - that's a tough one. I don't think if I were here I could forgive you. Because of the daughter and being thrown out: Why did you kick her out? I am confused here - unless it was tied up with the alcohol, in which case although you're doing really well, a month just isn't long enough to declare it all behind you. Did she have somewhere to go? Did you give her notice to quit, or did you just put her out there and then? For me, I would probably not forgive you, because of my daughter. Sounds tough - because to be honest, this is not something you can just wave your magic wand and all is well. And if she doesn't trust you, and you are terrified she will take advantage of you, well read it for yourself. How can you rebuild trust between you when you both feel like that? Have you thought about counselling? That might help to work through these issues, about why you got tangled up to such a degree that you could treat her like that. And about finding the way forward. Open communication and really listening to each other has to be the answer, I think, rather than just focusing on your own fears and anxieties. Good luck!
  22. Honey Pumpkin
    What about women who are already going out with someone (married etc) - what about the male friends they make? I don't know, this all seems odd to me. I have a lot of male friends, have had all my life, and I value their friendship hugely. I don't really get all this friendzone stuff. And we're talking friendships of twenty years plus. I always feel really uncomfortable by the whole 'men and women can't be friends' etc. And this friendzoned stuff. It just doesn't fit with my life experience - maybe I'm weird though. It seems to treat people as commodities and gender, rather than value them as friends. I would HATE to think that I had any friends who were secretly plotting to get me in the sack. It seems really underhand to me, and a bit gutless. If you have feelings for a girl, tell her. It's not rocket science - you may get let down, but I can tell you, ten years of friendship and then saying you love her is a wee bit...creepy? Like you're not valuing the friendship or something. I don't know.
  23. Honey Pumpkin
    Guerlain is great for perfume - and when I wear L'Instant by Guerlain, it does get a LOT of compliments from men; it's absolutely gorgeous! I also like l'eau dynamissante (have I spelt that right?!) by Clarins - that's very light and gorgeous on.
  24. Honey Pumpkin
    There's a HUGE age gap between my parents (28 years) and they've been happily married more than 40 years. Seven years seems like nothing at all to me!
  25. Honey Pumpkin
    Maybe it depends on how you broke up - if you got dumped by someone who cheated on you, then you need that time and space to recover, to stop yourself from pleading and begging to try it again. Because those memories will make you cringe in years to come! Also, it's about getting the emotional distance - for me it would be like quitting smoking or something; I couldn't be a social smoker, it would have to be no cigarettes in order to get something out of my life. I couldn't torture myself by being in touch with an ex. Maybe it depends on how you feel about them, and how you broke up. I think it's good advice for a lot of the people here, because they DO post here because they are terribly upset and distressed, and thereforeeee the advice for No Contact really is the best for them, to give them a chance to heal and start to move on.
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