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About Me

  1. New to this forum but have actually read quite a lot on the ex back and NC topics. Long story very short... 6-year relationship, she's 19 years younger... call me a cradle-snatcher, but we really understood each other for most of those 6 years. Lived together for 2 years. I should have seen it coming as all the signs were there and she actually tried to tell me many times - only I didn’t (want to) hear it :-(. She moved away in March this year but we saw each other every couple of days and she’d spend at least one night of each week. 8 weeks ago she just called it quits. Was a very cold shower and total surprise. I was upset at first and didn’t talk to her for two days, then we texted some there and back. But she was suddenly a different person - cold, non-understanding, not willing to talk about anything. All the usual stuff that you read about that a dumper does after the fact. I called her once but all I got was a brick wall. Sent a long email asking for some explanation and if we could work it out. Not sure she even read it. As I suspected, there is also a guy at play that she has been seeing / flirting with (maybe) since April. Not sure I would call this a rebound but I believe at some point in June, she would be torn between the two of us - more inclining to the new guy (for all the obvious reasons). She did keep in irregular contact a few times a week after that - saying she wants to stay friends as she cares too much for me and I mean a lot in her life. Kept telling her I am not her friend because simply I feel more than that. I went and read tons of stuff (never really been dumped in my life, haha). Went NC 4 weeks ago. Immediately started doing stuff - I’m not short of hobbies - do lots of sports but added a gym and personal trainer to occupy the mind and tire the body. Been playing the piano and guitar a lot lately (after many many years), been playing computer games in the evenings, reading advice on this forum and elsewhere. She contacted me after 2 weeks, asking to see me, which I (a bit reluctantly) agreed to, I said I would bring her magazines that were delivered for her to our place. I was never mean to her, only a bit cold I’d say. We met at Starbucks and I was trying to be upbeat and not display any sense of urgency, pleading or anything. Tried to look real busy at work (which I actually am now). She didn’t say why she wanted to meet - maybe she didn’t feel the situation was good or maybe she just wanted to meet as buddies over coffee, don’t know… She acted a bit annoyed, especially later when she asked if I was going to come to our sports trainings and events and I said I didn’t plan to. She also seemed a bit pressed for time towards the end, though she said she had plenty. I am sure she went to see the other guy right after that and maybe didn’t want to keep him waiting. We parted ways with a hug. I wanted to kiss her like I used to but she just wanted a friendly kiss, which I said no to. So we just hugged a bit more and she left. I texted her later saying it was good to see her and she should stay in touch if she wants to. She texted back that obviously I can’t have contact with her now so it’s me who needs to stay in touch. I said maybe she could come over one night to watch our favourite TV show. She said she’d like that. I left it at that and went back to NC. She texted again a week later (yesterday actually), calling me my sweetheart name and saying that a new series of our favourite show would be screening next Monday. I replied (nicely) that I would definitely watch! And she said - “you definitely should”.
  2. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1 year now. She is kind, caring, supportive, driven and beautiful. Despite all this I've got this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that something is missing. For example... I am a bit of a foodie. I love to cook and love going out to restaurants to eat. She on the other hand is an extremely picky eater. Trying to decide on what to eat for dinner or what restaurant to go to when we are on vacation is extremely difficult and can often make me feel a bit frustrated. She is 5 years older than me, has 2 daughters whilst I have 0 children. Whilst I do not think much of the age gap as we are both in our 30's there are certain things that I have experienced growing up which she has not as she was being a devoted mother. For example certain albums, films, festivals or concerts. These are all things that I am passionate about but she has not had the time to experience them because she was bringing up her kids. This with the issue with the food sometimes make me feel like there is a lack of connection in certain areas of our life. That being said there are other things which we do have in common but maybe not the things which get me really excited to talk about. I do think that her being older and having children has been a good influence on me, I am enjoying being a bit more responsible and spending time with her family and in the grand scheme of things things such as music, food and film are quite minor. The relationship is good but not perfect. At my age am I expecting too much? I know in all relationships there has to be compromise and she is a wonderful girlfriend who is loving, supportive and hard working. My previous relationship was extremely toxic but we did have a lot more in common and but that alone wasn't enough to make the relationship work. This relationship is the complete opposite of my previous one which in some ways is fantastic but sometimes I feel like I'm missing out or potentially selling myself short? As i get older and have my own children I am aware that I probably wouldn't have the same amount of time or money to invest in things like cooking and concerts etc? I know that we make a really good team and would probably make a solid family unit as time progresses, I am completely in love and devoted to her and am not sure if I'm just overthinking things?
  3. Where to start... I'm a registered nurse at a hospital, he is a doctor at the same hospital. There was always something that attracted me to him as soon as I saw him at work. We always engaged in small talk here and there at work, then decided to go skiing one day with a mutual friend as he does not have a lot of friends here. This mutual friend was unable to make it and said doctor said he would still like to hang out regardless. When the time came, he picked me up and had reservations at one of our cities nicest restaurants - this was end of February. Since then, we have been spending time together most weekends, usually spending Friday-Sunday together - sleepover the whole weekend included as its the only time we have together. We go for walks, order takeout as we are still in lockdown, and drive to the mountains. We have slept together many times, but overall he is not very affectionate otherwise. No hand holding, not a lot of kisses, and cuddles usually when we are sleeping. We've even got toothbrushes at each others places. Sometimes it feels like we are just friends hanging out, this past weekend, we spent 3 nights together with no sex - I was convinced we are just friends. But, as it was time for me to go Sunday evening, I went to leave and he said "hold on" and gave me a peck - which he does every time I leave. That's where the confusion sets in... I don't usually kiss my friends goodbye. Then I wonder, are we just friends with benefits? but we do not have sex regularly. I may add - he is 38 and I am 26. Occasionally he says things "oh on our second date" or "if this doesn't work out" which leads me to believe we may be dating. And he also is not as keen on texting these days. We occasionally go a day or two without talking - but he is a very busy doctor.. working till late every night, and some weekends so we don't have a great schedule for hanging out. I'm aware the answer is to communicate and ask him if he sees this going anywhere, just wanted to get some advice.
  4. Hello Everyone, Been married a little over 7 years. I started noticing changes in my wife when she started a new job back in June of last year, working late, dressing different, guarding her phone. To make a long story short, my wife now spends more time with her new boss than she does with me. There have been at least 2 different incidents where I caught them doing what I consider to be flirting (she disagrees) and she even gave him a very expensive watch for Christmas. (she's never given me a watch) They text after work and at all hours of the night, I've even caught her texting him when she was supposed to be having a romantic dinner, alone with me. Every time I try to sit her down and have a calm conversation with her about all this, we just end up arguing and I end up on the couch, she thinks I'm overreacting and she even claims that maybe I'm being a little insecure about the fact that she now earns more than me. She says there is nothing going on between them, that she's only trying to make a good impression and I'm being paranoid, she says she loves me and wouldn't be with me if she wanted someone else and I really want to believe her. This weekend they are supposed to go away for a convention and she'll be gone for 2 weeks. I've already told her that I feel uncomfortable about the trip and now she says I'm controlling and she seems determined to go whether I like it or not. I don't know who this person is, but it's not the woman I married, she's turned into some sort of cold-hearted Ice Queen, our sex life is down the drain and she gets irritated easily and picks fights with me about stupid stuff. Despite all of this I still love my wife very much, but I'm beginning to think I can't compete with her new boss, he's 10 years younger than me, single and filthy rich. I'm at a loss for what to do, part of me wants to walk away and another part wants to fight for my marriage, but I don't even know where to start, I've never been in this situation before, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  5. I know astrological signs have very little do when dating but I feel that in my situation it is hard to not acknowledge it. I'm a Pisces and he's a Virgo. Most site tell us we are Long-lasting love. And it sure feels like it when we are together! However he always seems to disappear. It like that old saying, out of sight out of mind. Which is hard to accept seeing how great we are and look together. Everyone can tell how attentive he is when we are together and i've been told by his friends how great I am for him. So its frustrating to go a week or two without hearing from him. I know we both have very intense jobs, and we both aim to reach a lifestyle that we have always dreamed off. Which makes me appreciate all his hard work even more. We also live about 45 to 55 mins away from each other, which I don't mind having to ride the subway nor does he mind driving me. So I don't understand why he tends to pull back, could it be because I'm a 10 years younger then him? I don't know what to think at this point. I don't want to come off like annoying or clingy but there is this energy and chemistry between us (he even told me this) that is unavoidable that makes it hard to move on. So my question is do I give up after 6 months and suffer alittle and hope find someone who doesn't ignore my texts?
  6. I posted a few weeks ago about a 23 year old male who was pursuing me, begging for sexy photos, even masterbating on FaceTime in front of me. I haven’t been dating for a while so just wanted to know if this was normal. So last night I went out to bar and met a nice lawyer. He had a table with bottle service and was fun but professional. At the end of the evening and today he has bombarded me with requests for sexy photos. SO OK, the 23 year old restaurant employee is young and virile, but the 2nd guy is at least 10 to 15 years older and is a professional. I do not get what is behind asking women for sexy photos??? Is this the new norm? Really? People have been able to take photos on phones for ages and I don’t recall being inundated with sexy photo requests. Can someone please explain? Seem the order is : Meet girl, get number, get sexy photo.....not sure what happens after that. Is it a test of sorts?
  7. I'm 17. Five months ago just as lockdown in my country started, I initally started casually talking to this girl I knew. When I first saw her (before I started talking) I thought she was about 14, but I found out she was younger, I thought 13. When we were talking I admitted I found her attractive, I thought she was developed for her age, I said how when I first saw her I thought she was much older and she felt the same. She tells me it was the same with other boys Nothing really happened. Then out of the blue she asked me out. It messed with my head especially when she revealed she wasn't even 13 yet (a month or so off). She even wanted to know if I'd do sexual stuff with her , which is when I told her no way. But I feel so guilty about even feeling like this in the first place. It's made me feel awful. It's made me feel dirty. I don't even know why I felt like that. I don't know what to do. What is there to do? It happened a long time ago, and in the eyes of the law, I haven't actually done anything wrong as I didn't send naked pictures or ask for any , didn't have any kind of sexual contact , anything. Am I overreacting?
  8. Hi all, For once I'm not actually posting about myself. I'm posting about concerns and advice for my mother who has been dating someone for the last few years. A little bit of a back story, my Mum was single for about 25 years, after my abusive father was kicked out of the house (never saw him again, and he died in 2013). She focused on raising me and her career. She is now in a quite highly paid job role, and has just gone from strength to strength. A few years ago, so started dating a work colleague (they were initially peers, but she's since become his superior albeit on different teams). He's a bit younger than her, but the age gap isn't really the issue. The main problem is he's separated from his wife, but still living with her - just on the top floor of the house. There is no love there, and it's basically a long drawn out divorce. Last year he broke it off with my Mum, citing needing to get his head sorted and finally out of the house. It broke my Mum's heart but they eventually kind of got back together again, despite nothing changing in his home life. He's been going hot and cold since really. Obviously with the lock-down, they've not seen each other and everything has been on hold. However my Mum has been getting paranoid about his friendship with another female colleague during this time. At the moment, he's not speaking to her outside of work, and my Mum has found evidence that he has been at the colleagues house a few times in the last couple of weeks. There is no evidence that he's having an affair, as to be honest, he's essentially cheating on his separated wife with my Mum, so you wouldn't do the same again with another colleague right? I've stated that because he feels guilt about being around my Mum whilst he's dealing with his difficult home life (work is also a massive stress factor), maybe he's going to this colleague's house as a bit of respite - away from the home and away from the kids. They all work from home by the way. She's convinced there's something else going on, and that they are just lying to her. Now the female colleague could be innocent in all this, supporting her friend by offering a place to chill out for a few hours and get some work done. But not mention it to anyone else in work, as that's how rumours and gossip starts. I've told my Mum this but she's just not listening. I have to see her cry and be depressed constantly and I don't know what to do to help her. Affair or not, he's clearly been messing her about too much and I know she should break it off completely. But she just wants the whole truth and almost a definitive answer that he's sleeping around with another colleague. What's everyone's opinion? Is there anything I can do? She's even talking about getting a tracking device on his car or something as she wants to know for sure, but I'm worried she will throw everything away over him. She's worked incredibly hard over the last 25 years, and I couldn't bare to watch her destroy over this man who doesn't deserve her in the first place.
  9. Hi all, here's some backstory. I recently decided to start fresh with school after completing one year of college, I am now coming back home to a community college to play soccer for the school and switch majors essentially deeming myself a freshman again. with school and soccer as my main focus plus being back at home with no potential dates on my mind, I though I would end up spending the next two years working, playing, and doing school with no GF, which I was bummed about, but I figured it would be for the better as my last relationship took up the majority of my time and Money often distracting me from more important things, which in retrospect seems bad but it felt right at the time so I can't complain. Anyways... I am training at my new fast food job, handing food out the window to customers when a girl calls me by name (I wear a name tag) and asked if I have a GF, I responded no to which she asked if I wanted one. already flustered worrying about getting orders correct and having my bosses around me, I said come back at 8 (when I got off) and we'll talk. To my surprise, when I got off work and went out to my car, she pulled up. I formally introduced myself and got her name. She's a very pretty girl that I think I would like to have a relationship with, but I then asked her how old she is. She's 17, I'm 19, so she's a HS senior and I'm essentially a college freshman again, only a one year school difference. I was super nervous so I didn't have much time to think so after she said that we both kinda awkwardly smiled at each other, I told her that I'm 19 and that she should come back when she turns 18. she didn't immediately leave so I asked her if she went to school in the area, and coincidentally, she goes to HS in the same town as my Community College. With that info in mind, we ended the convo and went our separate ways. After having a day to reflect though, I am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. With the given info I was able to do some online snooping to find a social media account just so I could see her face again as everything was kinda a blur due to me being nervous, so I do have a form of contact if I do decide to change my mind. I have a few concerns that I would like input on though. First and most importantly, she is 17 and I am 19, according to socials, she just turned 17 and I just turned 19 so we are almost exactly two years apart, I really have no issue with this, my grandparents are like 10 yrs apart so 2 is really no big deal, but with the age gap being at such a significant time legally, me being over 18 and her under , I am wondering if this would cause issues or lead to harsh judgement from others. legally, I think I could only get into trouble if there was a sexual side to the relationship, I would being willing to wait the extra year especially b/c I feel like that stuff is much better when you know your partner better anyways, but would this still lead to assumptions from friends and family anyways. I also don't know for sure that she is okay with the age gap, she didn't immediately leave when I told her my age which is a good sign but I could risk total rejection if I were to reach out. next, I would have to reach out through social media and somehow explain that I had to do some digging to find her which might make her feel weird/ creeped out as well. I also don't even know her or anything about her which means we may be polar opposites anyways. Finally, I am not sure if I am obsessing over this because I am truly attracted to her or because its just the fact that Ive never had girl be that forward with me and then show the dedication to drive all the way back 5 hrs later that I am attracted to. I don't want to miss out on something that could turn into a really great relationship, but with all of these complicating factors, I am wondering if it is something that is really worth it. any help is appreciated. thanks.
  10. So this might be a long one but I'll try and get everything in as briefly as possible. I met my ex about a year ago at a party in a club. At the time I was single enjoying life and had been seeing a few different girls off and on and was open to something serious but not really looking for it. I went on a first date with her after getting her number and found her very sweet and nice but wasn't sure if it would lead to anything. The second date however we got a chance to spend a longer time together and I realised I felt a connection with her Id never experienced before with anyone. I was really blown away, but the only problem was I'd committed to go travelling for 4 weeks and was leaving the following week. I told her this but she said she really liked me and we agreed we would see eachother again when I returned. I'd planned the holiday as a chance to do some solo travelling and meet some other travellers and just have fun. I'd booked it while very much single and I started to feel some doubts about everything, but I told myself I couldn't jump to conclusions about a girl I'd only seen a couple of times and that I should keep in touch with her and go ahead with my plans. So I went away, had fun and while I was travelling did meet other girls, but felt a little empty and a bit guilty when I thought back to her. When I got home I was dying to see her, but the fact I had been with other people was playing on my mind I was worried it might ruin things between us. In the end I met her again and we spent a great weekend camping, during which she didn't ask much about my time away. I maybe didn't feel quite the same head-spinning attraction to her I had before I went away, but I put this down to those feelings of guilt and not having seen her in a few weeks. I have a bit of a history of running away when things get too close and had never previously had a serious relationship, and I knew that I had a great connection with her and loved to spend time with her, so I probably very prematurely asked her if she wanted to be exclusive. There was a big problem for her in that she only had a few months left where I live before she had to go home to her country, which is thousands of miles away. I said we shouldn't worry about that now but from the beginning she was preoccupied about whether I would come with her or not and asked me if I was sure a relationship was what I wanted. I told her that I felt something really strong between us and wanted to give it a chance. After this we met up several times at parties and to hang out and I met all her close friends and flatmates. I was excited to share my life with someone in a way I never had before and felt good about the future. It wasn't long after this though that some problems started. I'd explained to her from the beginning that I'm generally very busy and like my space, and that I'd never liked the idea of being in a glued-at-the-hip relationship. She agreed and said she didn't like that either, but when I told her a couple of times I was tired and maybe another day would be better to meet up, she said OK but seemed very disappointed. Throughout the relationship she told me I seemed very cold and distant every time I was with her, and that it seemed I didn't want to be there. This was far from true especially at the beginning but I also felt she very much wanted me all for herself whenever we were out, and I wanted a chance to get to know her friends and for her to know mine. Though we had a good clear the air conversation about this fairly early on, it was something that kept coming up and I eventually started to feel like I was walking on eggshells a little bit every time I saw her, waiting to get asked why I was so distant or my mind seemed elsewhere. I thought maybe issues from my past were affecting things. I was very open with her that I'd had a tough childhood and a difficult relationship with my mother, which had caused a few anger issues with women and sabotaging of relationships. She was incredibly supportive of me when I talked about this and seemed to really appreciate that I'd opened up to her. I felt loved and listened to in a way I never had before by anyone and it brought us closer together. Despite this, jealousy seemed to start to play an increasing part in our relationship. She told me that I talked a lot about my ex (I brought her up once or twice about fairly innocent things) and asked me if we were still in contact claiming she had sent her a friend request on Facebook (which I highly doubt given my ex had told me she didn't have space for me in her life and clearly wanted to move on). She became paranoid about co-workers and female friends and I had to repeatedly tell her that I didn't have any feelings for them. The first big issue arose however when I showed her a picture on my phone through Facebook and she saw that I had made searches for a few girls. I'll admit maybe I was in the wrong there but sometimes bored and home I'd look up people I used to know or see just to check what they were doing with their lives (male or female, though probably mostly female). She took this as a sign I was talking to other people and decided to look through my phone without my knowledge, which she admitted and apologised for, but shed gone as far as looking at timestamps and claimed I was searching for other girls even when we were together, which I don't think was true. We made up and that was that for a while, but after a couple of weeks she told me that a male friend was coming to visit her, and would be staying in her room and they would spend a couple of nights alone together. She also told me he was single and also that he got around, so I found it absolutely bizarre that I would think it was fine for him to stay alone with her without knowing anything about the guy. Again we talked it out but I was starting to feel there was a lack of self-awareness and some double standards on her part. After that, we had agreed to go on holiday together, and just as everything was booked she began crying and said I would want to break up with her. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she was actually 7 years older than me. She'd told me originally we were the same age but shed felt scared if she was honest I wouldn't want to be with her and had hidden it for 4 months. I couldn't believe she wouldn't tell me something so basic for so long but we made up and I made a resolution to rethink things after our holiday. We went away and things went great, I felt closer to her than ever but there were a few moments where she would get extremely jealous about something or someone. One night she decided to ask out of the blue if I had been with anyone while I was travelling before we got together. I was honest and said I had and she went cold and barely talked to me for hours. In spite of that on the last night I told her I felt closer to her than ever and I'd had a really good time. She agreed but as we were going to sleep she started a monologue about every time she felt I'd looked at another girl and maybe I didn't want her and we shouldn't be together. It felt really bad but I said we should talk in the morning. When we got home I mentioned what she had said the previous night, I intended it as an honest discussion to work things out but the issue of plans and moving away came up and she ended up telling me there were too many "buts" and we abruptly broke up. The truth was that I was in love with her but they way she had behaved in some situations was giving me serious doubts about moving thousands of miles away with her and leaving everything behind, in addition to not being sure if it was compatible with career/study plans. I was devastated and felt like my heart had been ripped out but gave it a week to process things. After this I decided to contact her and try to work things out, on the condition that I'd have to work together on the things that were affecting the relationship negatively. She agreed and we gave it another go. I tried to be less distant with her and more conscientious about what she was feeling. I also agreed I'd probably avoided the issue of whether I would move away with her and I'd try to be more open about this. For a while things went great but eventually jealousies started to creep back in and she became fixated that I was continually checking out his brothers girlfriend, something which was completely untrue. We eventually broke up a second time when we went away together for Christmas in a big group, including her mother who had flown over and I was meeting for the first time. It was my first time away from my family at Christmas and I tried to make the best of it but I found things hard. I found her mother to be completely manipulative and difficult to talk to, and thoughtout the Christmas period I felt my girlfriend decided to take her side in everything and accuse me of not making an effort rather than try to accommodate us both. One evening for example I woke up alone and discovered she had gone to sleep with her mother. She didn't want to explain this initially but eventually told me her mother was feeling lonely and felt she was getting in the way of us, so she decided to spend the night with her. The final straw was when the day after Christmas we decided to play some drinking games, and they group decided to play a game where you could take a shot or tell the truth in answer to a question. She was asked if she would marry someone for a European visa, to which she answered yes. She had told me before she had considered this with her ex so I wasnt too bothered, and she knew I wasn't ready to think about something as serious as marriage. However when we were next alone together she asked me if the question had upset me. I said no as I knew she had thought about it before with her ex. She then asked would I be upset if she married someone for a visa while we were still together. I said of course I would and she said her ex had offered her again within the last month, and if we weren't together she would think about it as it was a really good opportunity. The whole thing felt totally manipulative and designed to shame me into making a decision about our future. I couldn't believe this was the same person whod been so supportive of me and who I shared such a deep connection with, but in hindsight I know it was borne out of frustration. Some days after this she announced a string of travel plans to her family while we were having dinner, none of which she had mentioned to me. It felt like a very manipulative "take it or leave it", and I said nothing but calmly took it on board and arranged to meet with her alone a couple of days later, where I told her I didn't seem to be in her plans and we should break up. Her immediate reaction was to say that she hadnt expected it, but this proved I'd never cared and just wanted a friend's with benefits situation, that I had been more concerned with other girls the whole time and never had any intention of moving away with her. I stayed calm and told her that defintely wasn't the case but if she needed to think that I understood. Eventually she came round and we had a very emotional goodbye where we talked about all the good thing we'd shared and we said we'd stay in touch, which proved to be a mistake. Our only contact after that was when she asked me for some holiday photos and didn't respond when I asked how she was doing. A few days later she deleted me on social media. I told myself I should give it some time, but couldn't avoid constant checking of Facebook, Instagram etc. It didn't really allow me to let go, and I continued to miss her and wonder if I'd done the wrong thing. The current lockdown situation ramped these feelings up and I decided to contact her again. She told me she was upset that she hadn't contacted me sooner after we broke up and didnt think we should meet again. I've since seen her on a clue of occasions on the street and waved hello as we live close, once holding hands with another guy which was very difficult to see. Its been over 4 months since we broke up and I finally took the long overdue decision to block her and her friends on everything, partly not to have to see photos of a new relationship but also to get her out of my mind. I've started seeing someone else recently also but have no plans to start anything remotely serious soon. Despite the troubles we had there's a nagging feeling that I've lost my soulmate and will never have that connection with someone again, someone I felt deeply for and is still on my mind a lot. There's no doubt there was something really powerful there and it's very difficult to imagine finding that with someone else or leaving her in the past, though I've now accepted I have to move on. There's also a nagging guilt and self-criticism that maybe I was a bad partner or its all my fault, and that I've lost her to someone else because I was too stubborn or took things the wrong way, and that some of these things could have been easily worked out with a little bit more communication. Something I've never really figured out is that especially after the initial couple weeks of seeing her I felt a bit apprehensive when we met up rather than madly in love, which made me question if her fears were right and I did just want someone else. Thinking back on our time together and judging by how I've felt since the breakup though I know that's not true, but those feelings maybe weren't as promiment as I'd expected or shed wanted. If you've made it this far thanks for reading. I know it's a long post and maybe there's no use over-analysing it but I'm trying to figure out what I can learn from it that might be useful in future for myself and how I can eventually move on. Cheers and Id appreciate any and all advice/thoughts.
  11. Hi all this is my very first post having just signed up, I felt the need to find a nice friendly forum where I hope to get things off my chest and receive some nice friendly advice as I dont have many people in my life. Here goes..... I was with my ex girlfriend for 12 years and we broke up 6 months ago.. It was my decision to end the relationship the reasons for doing it were because I felt we had become more friends than partners.. My partner was 17 years older than me when we met I was 21 and she was 37. We had many great years together but towards the last couple of years I started to feel that the age difference was becoming a problem as I looked at others my age getting married, having children, buying houses together and so on, which in turn made me think as I couldn't have these things with my ex girlfriend due to life circumstances etc. My mental health isn't great but I'm not suicidal.I feel it's the circumstances in which I'm speaking has made me a little unhappy in my head. I have been to councillors and had chats ect and I'm on a small dose of antidepressants. So fast forward 6 months I have found a new girl I have been with for 6 weeks, she is my age with the same goals and needs in life. We get on really well and she spoils me rotten! But here's the crazy problem I keep feeling like I miss my ex (absolutely crazy!) I get a huge amount of guilt how I have hurt her and that she didn't do anything to deserve it. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me showing me some good times in my mind but not the times where I felt so lonely and unhappy. I feel silly for having to come here for help but as I'm 33 years old maybe I just need guidance as I haven't been through anything like this before? Just wish my mind would agree with me that it was the right thing to do and I have now been given the opportunity for new beginnings with a lovely girl! Thank you for taking the time to read this and any advice big or small is greatly received. Stay safe guys
  12. Hello, I am wondering if I am doing the right thing. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years . Lately we got into an argument where I felt like he had wronged me in some way and I explained that to him but he refused that he did something wrong and would say I pretend to know it all. Some context of this argument is that I wanted to go to a work party but the morning of the work party it was a bit cold and I was tired so I wasn’t sure whether I would want to go. I sent him a message asking for opinions on what to say , he informed me that he will let me know , hours later I messaged him that I thought about it and I will go and stay for an hour and after that he started saying I am very weird and that I do what I want and ignore his advice , and I was so confused because this wasn’t that situation. And it wasn’t that I didn’t listen to his advice , I just changed my mind about going . So this is where the argument started and I said it was just wrong for him to say something like that in this situation but he kept on saying it again and again. We took a little break because we were not on the same page ( I suggested we relax because he wanted to end things) so a day later I try messaging and calling and no reply and he then proceeds to breakup with me through text . It’s always been like this anytime we have an argument he would always want to end the relationship, whenever I have a different thought or opinion to him he would say I am pretending to be a know it all and that he has been through life ( he is 8 years older than me ) every argument is usually my fault and after every argument when he ends it I go back to him and say that he was right and he would come back to me . This time when he ended things at first I begged but I later sent him a message saying how much I love him and it’s okay if he wants to end things . His reply was then him blaming it on me that I caused the breakup that I brought us to that current situation. After that text I never replied , it had now been 5 days and it’s been so tough , I cry myself to sleep , it’s just been difficult . Should I say something to him? I do not know if I’m doing the right thing walking away and going no contact I just don’t know .
  13. Im a 21 male and he is 37, we've been in a fwb situation for the past year and we're thinking of taking our relationship to the next level and start officially dating, but we are trying to figure out the logistics to see if it would even work. Some background info, he works at the college I go to (not a Professor/TA) and lives pretty close to me as well, so seeing each other/spending time together isn't a problem, as I can pop on over anytime. We really love each other and want to make this work, but we have been trying to figure out if it'd work and have gotten stuck and could use some outside advice. The main 2 questions we've been talking about are being what's the best way to be introduced to each others friends and family and what to do about work events. Like he has a pretty high standing for his job and obviously there are events where he's been asked to bring a plus one. And by bringing me, it would be a little out of place, as I'm currently a student at the school and I would hate to ever ruin his reputation. So if anyone has any advice on how to ease into these things, that'd be great because we've each never done an age gap relationship before.
  14. Well technically, it's been a few days. My sister and I are very close, and despite the big age gap (she recently turned 14) we've always gotten along. Needless to say, I absolutely adore her and had never thought or suspected this so it was very unexpected. A few days ago she sent me a text message with a link to a word document and told me to watch a vid- volume turned low and alone. Which I did so, the very next day. She tells me she thinks she's gay, that she might be bi, has found some guys attractive, but has never had a crush on a guy. Also, that due to lack of interaction with guys and going to a girls school all her life, it was hard to say. Apparently all her close friends know and that she was done putting it off so she's decided to tell me. She says she's been thinking about this for nearly 3 years, and that she really didn't know how I'd react, that she always felt paranoid when I had her phone and had to mute group chats fearing I'd find out. She tells me she hopes I'd understand, that I wouldn't just dismiss this and to never tell our parents. I cried reading the message. I had no idea and was emotional that she felt hesitant to tell me. I told her it's okay, that all preteens and teens were confused. I had crushes on girls too and had kissed girls out of curiosity when I was younger. That it doesn't matter either way, because she was my sister and I loved her. It doesn't change anything and that I was so touched she felt she could tell me and that I was on her side no matter what. I got very choked up thinking that she felt the need to almost beg for my support, that when she said it was hard for her, it really must be because our parents are very homophobic. I definitely will not be saying anything to them. I haven't acted differently and our interactions have been the same as usual, but I wanted to know since she doesn't want to talk about this in person and just through texts, should I ever bring it up? I really don't care what she is, it was just extremely unexpected that's all. My parents are unfortunately homophobic and very conservative, and I really don't know how they'd react when she does ultimately tell them. She has always been a major overachiever and has made my parents very proud through the years. However, my parents have never been very supportive or understanding in general. They have a tendency to guilt trip, be somewhat emotionally abusive and I am dreading what my parents would think. I pray that my dad doesn't end up reacting in a toxic or temperamental way (as he does on a daily basis) saying things he can't take back. Any experiences with close family member or siblings coming out? Any advice would be highly appreciated.
  15. I can't believe I'm writing to the internet about this, but I feel so alone right now. I am in a 11-12 year age gap relationship with my boyfriend. He's starting to experience symptoms of low T or maybe even mild ED. It's deeply affecting our sex life and my happiness in the relationship, but I know it's out of his control. He's made a doctors appointment, but I don't know how to cope with this. Not something I envisioned dealing with as a sophomore in college.. advice? Also, I struggle a lot feeling like I missed out on his "golden years." We both met at a rave when I was 18, we've been together for 2 years, and i always hear his friends bring up their EDC or wild rave experiences from 2012-2015ish. How the music was so much better, and how raving/edm isn't the same. I see it in his face that he agrees even though he tells me he doesn't. He doesn't care to rave as much now that he's older. I feel like all his best memories happened before me and he lived his fun, wild life and now he just doesn't care for much. We still have so much in common, but I constantly feel like I've been left behind. I hate feeling like I wish I had a time machine so I could have been there all those years ago.. How do you get over these things being in a big age gap with someone you love? This is honestly more than I could have ever expected, and it feels like it just keeps getting harder. By no means, is breaking up an options, but if anyone has been in a similar position, any advice would be greatly appreciated. It's not really possible for me to get any advice or understanding from my fellow college peers..
  16. I've been exclusively dating this man for about a month and honestly, I am officially infatuated. He is such a quality man with a lot going for him. I am not sure why he is interested in me. This man is as sharp as a tack, super bright with a lot of knowledge about a large variety of topics. He is also a handy man around the house. All of the upgrades he put in the house, he personally installed (talented!). He's financially responsible with a perfect credit score and willing to help me with mine. He also offered to help me fix my car. He's thoughtful and considerate and he keeps me in mind on his grocery visits and makes sure I'm comfortable any time I come over. I mean the list goes on as to why I find him delightfully wonderful. I feel like he could do so much better. There is a 10 year age gap, but still, I am trying. I have always envisioned having a competent partner.. and if I have expect certain things out of a man, surely, I have to meet him half way. I don't feel ready to be what he needs. I am trying to work on my knowledge and develop my own hobbies.. I am trying. He's into Shakespeare and deep philosophical conversations, which that is something that I am interested in as well, but I just can't keep up with him. I feel like a dullard. My finances are not where I need them to be. I am working on that as well, but I am over extended due to outside circumstances, it's not like I'm irresponsible. I want to be able to make him smile, and make him happy. He values intelligent women. I'm so into this guy, I've been researching how to properly love. Love is not a feeling but a selfless act of making the other person happy. It's not about having your partner please you. I want this to last past the honey moon phase. I want this to last for years, decades. Because even if the newness wares off he's still a quality person and I want to be able to love him correctly and be what he needs in a woman. I asked him why he liked me. He said that he valued my optimistic heart and my energy. He told me that a man is better off in life with a woman by his side, and he is going to need someone in his world, once his grandmother and mother passes, he will feel alone and left with nothing. So much is happening. I started a new job, and I took a cut in pay around the same time my rent went up. It was my initial plan to move in with my mom, but after a few disagreements, I'm not sure if that's a good idea. This man is offering me a separate room. I'll pay cheap rent and it offers me the opportunity to get caught up and save. As tempting as that is, I never moved in with a man before.. and I am worried that this might put a wedge in between us. I desperately want things to work. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice is welcomed. Thanks in advance.
  17. From The Corner of Her Eye Little woman Bright blue eyes Meeting a pair of green Beautiful man Beautiful girl Several years in between But love blinded numbers A happy seventeen and twenty-four Lost a difference of six And soon lost them quite a bit more So love, it fell Crushed—forced to die Yet still she loved From the corner of her eye A new 'love' manufactured By those far wiser than she But it wasn't the same It never would be Though quietly she succumbed Watching life pass her by Sure, she was living From the corner of her eye A beautiful wedding A teary-eyed bride A family watching A family with pride The baby, it came A beautiful girl with green eyes She didn't look like 'Daddy' An unwelcome surprise Mother didn't say sorry Quietly she left without attempting to deny She saw the anger in her family From the corner of her eye They traveled for a while—years Then happened upon a grave Mother looked defeated Which made the girl afraid After that things were different Mother didn't smile anymore Mother looked older So much older than before Soon the girl couldn't stand to watch To face her mother straight on Seeing her like that made her cry So she silently took it all in Bit by bit From the corner of her eye A girl grows to a woman A woman—she grows old And summers fade to winters Leaving warmth to fall to cold An old woman lost to sickness A young lady all alone Nothing left to hold on to And no family of her own She walks to the old gravesite A perfect place to say goodbye She knows it's time to stop living From the corner of her eye
  18. Ok, heres the deal (please dont think I'm disgusting) I'm in a relationship with a guy 15 yrs older than me, I'm 19. He was my highschool teacher and the first and only guy ive ever been with. My parents found out about our relationship about 3 months after it began (I was no longer in his class but I was still in high school) Then he was sent to Iraq and they thought our relationship ended so they didnt get him introuble w/ the school or anything. But the other day they found that I still had his number and pretty much hate me right now. I love this man to death, he means the world to me--but being with him means totally losing all contact with my family b/c they have made it clear they wont have anything to do with me if I stayed with him. He wants to get married but I am so scared of losing my family when or if I do marry him, because they will know for sure I have been lying to them this whole time. I wish I didn't love him so much and could move on, but every time I try I can't, it breaks my heart... I dont know what to do!
  19. Well theres this girl that I like alot and well were both pretty shy (but I am more shy)....... When we dont have alcohol in our systems we rarly kiss..... but when we drink we go as far as sex alot of times..... otherwise I sit w8ting for her to kiss me like in bed when were not drinking.... She is also 23 and I am 18 she has 2 kids also....... I dunno what kind of relationship this is I sleep at her house alot and spend a bit of time with her watch movies together and stuff..... we wana go swiming sometime or skateland or something.... I dunno she says she dont want a relationship with me cause she dont think I can handle the kids and I am 5 years younger than her (being young sux)...... but I like the kids expecially the 2 year old hes so cool (minus when he wakes up cring). I met her like 3 months ago was friends up until about 3-3 1/2 weeks. She always complains that I dont call her but its cause I am so shy.
  20. ok so here is the story. im divorced with two kids. we have been together for almost 2 yrs and living together for the last 5 months. she is 10 yrs younger than i. im 35. she is moving out because she feels that when my kids are there she feels traped and left out and all that. she thinks moving out will make it better for us and the kids because she will only have to be there if she is in the mood for kids and that goes with it when they are there. is this fair to me? i mean she will be at my place whern the kids are not there but when the kids are with me she can go to her place if she wants. does this seem ok to you? she says it will be fun having 2 places and she will still be around as much or more than now because they are on her terms. i dont know... anyone????
  21. Ok - u guys are gonna all read this - think - Shes OFF HER ROCKER get her some pills - but here it goes. So - my current relationship is going absolutley nowhere - I've written about this before - don't feel like finding the post cuz i'm so hyped up - well theres no feelings - haven't had a date in forever - definitely breaking up - especially after now. Wish I had done it sooner But, I know I SHOULD have broken up by now - cuz I'm so SICK of getting treated like [Profanity Removed by Moderator] all the time - him yellin at me - criticizing me, pretending to love me, overreacting over small things - THE LIST GOES ON. and NOW..... I went on a date tonight with another man - maybe this should be in INFIDELITY - except nothing happened - no kiss - just a casual first date typa thing. I didn't think it was a date before I left - he wrote me a reference letter for the work I've done for him - which he had to resign and wanted to do somethin nice for me after all I've done for him - so he wrote me this fabulous reference letter and was supposed to give it to me over coffee today So question is - IS this a date? We went - he picked me up - kinda came by surprise cuz I wasn't sure what time we were going - drove around thinking of a place to go - finally decided on a place - and ordered some coffee - and I won $20 on a scratch ticket so I figured - I'm gonna treat myself good and ordered this fabulously expensive coffee. He ordered the same - on my request. We talked and talked. Wait - HE talked and talked. lol. He has so many amazing, great stories - hes so entertaining - so fun to listen too - I've always been the quiet one. I don't deny it. I don't feel bad about being quiet - I'm always quiet - have been since i was 2 theres no changing that - unless I have a lot of alcohol... lol. So after an hour I took off to go to the washroom - came back - he ordered me ANOTHER coffee. Same thing. By this time I'm thinkin - can i still afford this? But I was thinkin well put my cash and my money left in my bank account - yeah should be good. I thought I was buying HIM coffee - we had joked about it. So then go the washroom AGAIN (after two hours) come back and hes got the bill paid - nothing I can do about it - its done by the time I get back. So that took me by surprise - I mean I'm always the one paying with my current - well ex-boyfriend now. Then we went and sat in the car - in -40 degree CELCIUS weather - Frick its COLD here - be glad u are not in Canada right now. Listened to music and talked even more. Half an hour later, he says he best be going - the night ends with a nice polite hug and thats it. He said 'call or email anytime' I said 'u can do the same' he said 'i will, definitely' that was it. Ok i guess thats a date. I just need to get this out cuz theres no one I can really talk to about it! Besides my cousin but she doesn't know about all the history with my ex. Anyways - this guy is amazing. Everything I would want - everything my parents would want for me - kind, extremely good looking, same religion, same beliefs, very caring, very responsible. I can't believe hes like in his 30s, still single, never been married, never had kids, nothing serious. 15 years older than me. I hope this goes further - I want to do something - call him again, ask him out again - NOT Sure what to do - any advice here? I'm not the type to sit around and wait to see whats gonna happen, wait for him to call. Ya know? But like when should I call, what should I ask him. I'm getting very mixed signals on if he likes me - or if he meant for this to be a date or what. I'm also a bit more nervous about it cuz hes a lot older than me. And I don't know what his intentions are. I wish to God I knew but I don't. One more regret. I wish I had WAITED for a guy like this to come along. Even if this is not the guy - especially if it is. I always thought "you know I"m never going to meet anyone perfect" always settled for less than what I deserve (let this be a lesson to all), got myself into a ton of trouble cuz I just gave up hope and figured, theres no one out there, all the good guys are taken, all the good guys are MARRIED at that. Always wanted an older man, for some reason attracted to them, and always wanted a man that shared the same passion and beliefs that I do. And here he is. So i think. Geez, you know I could be completely wrong. I just WISH I knew. Anyways - someone reply and give me some advice/input on this. I'm so hyped up. I need to calm down. Really should take some pills. lol. THANKS.
  22. unsure whether this should go in 'dating' but oh well. im 16 going 17 and i really like this girl who is 14 going 15. i know she likes me and would go out with me because she told her friends. but im unsure whther the age gap is a big difference for someone of our ages. im going to college while shes still in high school. and IF we went out should we do any erotic or sex stuff (bj, fingering)i want to know wot anyone on here would think or do about any of the above. is she too young?wot about the age gap?pls reply Cheers,
  23. Alright, one this is my frist post so be gental Alright , a lil background to the problem. I live in pa with my (divorced) mom and am now in va with my dad and his new wife(which have been together for awhile now) anyways thats just the location background. Iv had a weird childhood , from a divorced living to a constantly moving (as in 8 times each year at least if im lucky) to being abused mentaly and in other ways which i dont wana discuss by family members. Theres a lil more background . Now focus on this , the problem. Im 18 finally , had plenty of good relationships but usually eneded in breakups because of moving. I still havent had sex cause Im no that type of guy I guess. Unless I plan on living with you for the rest of my life , your not getten with me , sry love. (Sry iv been drinking if this dosent make since) even if the backgrounds weird , heres the prob. Im with my dad visiting for 2 months. The next door neghibors girl is only 11 but she looks and acts older. We havent done anything really just flirted around , but its getten to the point where she might even wana kiss soon. Iv been thinken bout her and her life to come, iv told myself shes young , got alot to look forward to. For that reason I dont know if im gona take the flirting any further even if she wants 2. Shes just 2 young , some things she does though does get me a lil stupid. Like setting in my lap and leaning back so that her face is less that a foot away and her hairs in my face, tickling etc. No matter what I like/love her , but since shes so young , Im thinken bout pushen myself towards the bigbrother type route. Or (to the girls) do you guys think that 11 is an ok age to flirt , even with the age gap. Im not really thinken bout her in a sexual way , more of a cuddle look at the great view , have a good night, sweat dreams type of thing. She just has a lot to live through and even if the age gap isent a factor I think she deserves to experance love and breakups around her age till shes mine. I dont know god life sux Im in such a weird and new situiation. love is crazy anyways im getten eatn up by dam misquitoes, night. Btw I like her for her. if u know that err to much to drink anyways , give me some good advice , no haters with anger problems please. Lots of love to you all night.
  24. my mom met this guy 2 months ago at my cousin's wedding. he is a cop, 15 years younger than my mom. my mom has been widowed 6 years ago. when she confided to me that this guy is courting her, i was kinda shocked. all the while i thought they were just friends, thouhg ive been a li'l suspicious a few weeks ago. wen my 2 younger sisters learned about this, they were shocked and burst out in tears. they have always been firm on their stand that they dont want my mom to have a boyfriend or get married. though it was okay for me for her to have a boyfriend. but i dont want her to get married too. now we're not quite really chummy and sweet with her. although she told us that she doesnt feel anything for him yet, we think and feel otherwise. we discussed about it a few nights ago. i told her why i dont like this guy. first we're like suspicious of his real intentions with my mom. we think that he's after her money. my mom's now expanding her business in his place of work just after two months of meeting. -- he's a cop i think (he mentions an airborne something i dont quite understand). and there are also some things i dont like in him, but my mom seems blinded by these things. now that we've told her what we feel, she wants us to decide if she's going to continue with this guy or end it. we dont know what to say now. a.) she told us that if we say yes, then we'll have to support her all the way, and defend her to my dad's side. however, how are we gonna do that if we in the first place disapprove of it?? b.)if we say no, then she'll be really hurt. while we're talking to her, she keeps saying that she has always been a good mother to us, she had always given us what we need and wanted. she says she needs a companion. she said she has never been happy in her life (i kinda freaked out cause that means she has never been happy with us and with my dad though she denied it), and now she wants to be happy. said that she would sacrifice and give up her happines so we would be happy. so if we disapprove of this, we'll be this selfish children who deprive our mom her happines. we feel like its emotional blackmail. now we dont know what to decide. wether to approve of her in entering this relationship or not. on my part, im not against her having a boyfriend, i just dont like this guy in particular. my sisters however, are not just against this guy but the boyfriend thing as a whole. what do we do now? we really really think that she'd just get hurt with this guy. kindly enlighten us... i would really appreciate it. if you need any more details, feel free to ask me.
  25. I'm a 60 year old male (don't laugh!), but in all honesty don't feel it, and often told i don't look it either.... the thing is i have been in a relationship with a 28 year old girl for 18 months.... and it seems to work!!! It seems more of a problem for me.... she does says "who cares - its just a number". Anyone else out there with a similar situation?
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