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About Me

  1. Where to start... I'm a registered nurse at a hospital, he is a doctor at the same hospital. There was always something that attracted me to him as soon as I saw him at work. We always engaged in small talk here and there at work, then decided to go skiing one day with a mutual friend as he does not have a lot of friends here. This mutual friend was unable to make it and said doctor said he would still like to hang out regardless. When the time came, he picked me up and had reservations at one of our cities nicest restaurants - this was end of February. Since then, we have been spending time together most weekends, usually spending Friday-Sunday together - sleepover the whole weekend included as its the only time we have together. We go for walks, order takeout as we are still in lockdown, and drive to the mountains. We have slept together many times, but overall he is not very affectionate otherwise. No hand holding, not a lot of kisses, and cuddles usually when we are sleeping. We've even got toothbrushes at each others places. Sometimes it feels like we are just friends hanging out, this past weekend, we spent 3 nights together with no sex - I was convinced we are just friends. But, as it was time for me to go Sunday evening, I went to leave and he said "hold on" and gave me a peck - which he does every time I leave. That's where the confusion sets in... I don't usually kiss my friends goodbye. Then I wonder, are we just friends with benefits? but we do not have sex regularly. I may add - he is 38 and I am 26. Occasionally he says things "oh on our second date" or "if this doesn't work out" which leads me to believe we may be dating. And he also is not as keen on texting these days. We occasionally go a day or two without talking - but he is a very busy doctor.. working till late every night, and some weekends so we don't have a great schedule for hanging out. I'm aware the answer is to communicate and ask him if he sees this going anywhere, just wanted to get some advice.
  2. Hello Everyone, Been married a little over 7 years. I started noticing changes in my wife when she started a new job back in June of last year, working late, dressing different, guarding her phone. To make a long story short, my wife now spends more time with her new boss than she does with me. There have been at least 2 different incidents where I caught them doing what I consider to be flirting (she disagrees) and she even gave him a very expensive watch for Christmas. (she's never given me a watch) They text after work and at all hours of the night, I've even caught her texting him when she was supposed to be having a romantic dinner, alone with me. Every time I try to sit her down and have a calm conversation with her about all this, we just end up arguing and I end up on the couch, she thinks I'm overreacting and she even claims that maybe I'm being a little insecure about the fact that she now earns more than me. She says there is nothing going on between them, that she's only trying to make a good impression and I'm being paranoid, she says she loves me and wouldn't be with me if she wanted someone else and I really want to believe her. This weekend they are supposed to go away for a convention and she'll be gone for 2 weeks. I've already told her that I feel uncomfortable about the trip and now she says I'm controlling and she seems determined to go whether I like it or not. I don't know who this person is, but it's not the woman I married, she's turned into some sort of cold-hearted Ice Queen, our sex life is down the drain and she gets irritated easily and picks fights with me about stupid stuff. Despite all of this I still love my wife very much, but I'm beginning to think I can't compete with her new boss, he's 10 years younger than me, single and filthy rich. I'm at a loss for what to do, part of me wants to walk away and another part wants to fight for my marriage, but I don't even know where to start, I've never been in this situation before, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  3. I know astrological signs have very little do when dating but I feel that in my situation it is hard to not acknowledge it. I'm a Pisces and he's a Virgo. Most site tell us we are Long-lasting love. And it sure feels like it when we are together! However he always seems to disappear. It like that old saying, out of sight out of mind. Which is hard to accept seeing how great we are and look together. Everyone can tell how attentive he is when we are together and i've been told by his friends how great I am for him. So its frustrating to go a week or two without hearing from him. I know we both have very intense jobs, and we both aim to reach a lifestyle that we have always dreamed off. Which makes me appreciate all his hard work even more. We also live about 45 to 55 mins away from each other, which I don't mind having to ride the subway nor does he mind driving me. So I don't understand why he tends to pull back, could it be because I'm a 10 years younger then him? I don't know what to think at this point. I don't want to come off like annoying or clingy but there is this energy and chemistry between us (he even told me this) that is unavoidable that makes it hard to move on. So my question is do I give up after 6 months and suffer alittle and hope find someone who doesn't ignore my texts?
  4. Hey y'all. I need some advice on how to deal with my current "relationship" with my boss. I've known him since December of last year, where I started working at my current job, which is probably the best job I've had so far. He's not the head manager, but he's right below that position, along with four other people. He's been with the company since it first started, and everyone who works there likes him because he has such a friendly, funny, and laidback personality, but is still professional at the same time. I've always liked him more so than the other managers, but only until recently had we started to joke around more and become friendlier with each other. There's a 17 year age gap between us (he’s 38, I’m 21), and I've known for a while that he has a girlfriend whom he's been going out with for about three years (I asked him about her casually on Valentine's Day this year, and he said that this year they would be celebrating their third anniversary). Anyways, just a few weeks ago, we had been texting each other, and then one night, while he was giving me a ride home, we went out for drinks at this really nice restaurant (which I didn't know at the time), all of which he suggested. We had a great time, although I felt kinda “off” about it since I wasn't entirely sure if this was work-appropriate, and the server was giving us strange looks as well (probably trying to figure out if we were bf/gf or father/daughter, etc., haha). While on the way home, I was already a bit tipsy, and leaned on his shoulder as he drove. He then rubbed my shoulders with his free hand, and then later on, when we were at my front door, we hugged each other really tight for a long time. After that night, we were texting each other throughout the work day, and then eventually, we started sending suggestive text messages. I soon responded with an *extremely* racy text. That caused him to say that he wanted to see me that night, which he did, driving all the way from his house to mine. We then proceeded to have sex in his car that night, which was an intensely pleasurable experience for both of us, probably heightened by the fact that he's my superior at work, is taken, and is a bit older than me. Ever since then, we've been meeting up either after work to have sex with each other, or even during work, when we have to run upstairs to a separate room to get more merchandise, we sneak into areas where there's no cameras and make out or touch each other, all short of actual sex. I'm not sure how to deal with this, as this is the first time I've engaged in this sort of "forbidden" relationship (I thought this only existed in t.v., books, movies, etc.). None of my close friends have ever been in this situation, and since I'm the most experienced out of them all (I've had one other boyfriend, who I'm not with anymore, and was sexually active with), I can't really ask any of them for help with this. We're both striving to keep this a secret between us two from anyone else at work, as we could both get instantly fired. I think that some of my co-workers suspect that there's something going on between us two, but they can't prove anything and just joke about us. The issues that bother me a lot are (1) he *currently* has a girlfriend, which makes me question how he could be having this type of relationship with me at the same time that he's dating her, and (2) I'm afraid of developing feelings for him, as we both know that we don't want to go out with each other or even if a stable, long-term relationship could form from this. He's very reluctant to talk about his girlfriend when I ask him, so I've stopped asking him about her. How should I proceed from here on out? I *do* enjoy the sex quite a bit, and I've been anxious for some sexual release for a while, but I know deep down that my current dalliance with my boss won't last forever, nor is it healthy (for both me, and for him and his gf's relationship). At the moment I’m single, but I would like to have a stable, long-term relationship eventually...
  5. Hello! First time posting on the pets section of this forum. I did some light reading first, and I think my topic is pretty popular: When it's time to say goodbye. For some history, I've had my dog for about 7 years now. He was approximately 5 when I got him. He was on the "kill" list for the city animal shelter and his time was almost out. Long story short - I saved his life. Fast forward to 2020. I have seen him get a lot older. He stopped playing with toys a while ago. I allow him on the couch, and one of his favorite things to do was to sit on the edge over the armrest. It became tough to jump on the couch, so he stopped trying entirely. In early April, (2 weeks after I lost my job due to covid) he became extremely ill and was diagnosed with diabetes. I know this isn't a death sentence, but it's expensive.. especially for someone whose not working. The diabetes hit him hard, and due in part to a lackluster vet (I have since switched doctors) we had a lot of trouble getting his blood glucose under control. About a month into the diagnosis, he went blind. I've done everything I could to assist. I've removed 2 dining room chairs and the coffee table. His food & water always remains in the same spot, but I put a mat underneath to help him recognize when he is there. He has not adjusted well to being blind. It's heartbreaking watching him slam his head into the (metal) leg of the table and other various things. I've tried to start a new word with him: "careful" ..and honestly sometimes it really works. I will say careful and he will stop or swerve away. Because of his diabetes, he is drinking a lot of water and therefore needing to pee lots. Because he is blind, he cannot go down the porch steps unattended, so I am bringing him outside and having to watch him countless times throughout the day. Night time is no different. I don't sleep anymore. I wake up once, sometimes twice during the night to let him outside to pee. There are nights when I do get to stay in bed the whole time, but then I will notice he is lying in a small pool of urine. Recently, he has been plagued with infection after infection. 3 months ago I noticed blood in his urine and we've been on a roundabout of about 4 more infections after that, plus one ear infection. These are not cheap to treat. Like, I know what the answer is, but it's just so hard for me to bring a dog who doesn't outwardly look ill to get euthanized. I of course have no idea what is going on internally with him. I feel like at worst, he is really struggling. And at best, he just existing. Just wondering if anyone out there has had to euthanize a pet who looks perfectly fine at first glance? I am dragging my feet on doing this, though I already know what the answer is. It's almost a blessing that I lost my job, because I have been able to be home and care for him... but at the same time, the only way I'll be able to move forward and start working again is when he is gone.
  6. Found this forum whilst trawling the web for advice. I'm hoping someone here can help me understand what's happening to me. Married for 2 yrs, to the funniest, most loving man I ever met. We have wide social life, lots of friend male and female. I have never been jealous in my entire life and always prided myself in being laid back and understanding in my relationships. My husband is a car mechanic and out of the blue his boss got him a workmate, that turned out to be a petite, dark haired, beautiful Italian woman, some 18 years younger than me. When I first found out, my head literally went numb. I stood for what seemed like an eternity in this place of total silence, everything moving slowly around me and I was sure I was about to faint. After the initial shock, I was very angry. Angry at my husbands boss, then angry at my husband for actually liking her, then angry at myself for not being as beautiful and capable as this woman. Then the chaos hit my perfect marriage. The jealousy that has risen inside of me, has turned me into a hateful person. I hate this woman. I don't even know her, I hate my husband every time he mentions her and I can't stand him touching or loving me when he is home because he has spent his entire day in her company. I actually trawled friends of friends facebook accounts until I found her just to check out her photographs. She is devastatingly beautiful with a personality to match, worst of all she finds my husband funny and she apparently hangs off his every word. My husband admitted he doesn't want to come home anymore, I badger him for information on what every last aspect of their day together. He says he loves me and she is a work colleague and that's it, but I just can't stand it. I basically want ME back. I know the problem lies within myself, but these feelings are so strong I can't control them. I have change so much over the last 6 months I don't think anyone hardly recognises me. I've lost interest in myself, my friends, my job. My every moment is eaten by the knowledge my husband spends 8 hours a day with this woman. Everyone around me says, she is lovely I don't understand why you just can't like her. Which makes me worse. I want her to be a crap mechanic and lose her job. Reality of it she is bloody marvellous at what she does. Can someone please help me understand what is going on here and help me get back on track before my marriage is beyond redemption.
  7. I posted a few weeks ago about a 23 year old male who was pursuing me, begging for sexy photos, even masterbating on FaceTime in front of me. I haven’t been dating for a while so just wanted to know if this was normal. So last night I went out to bar and met a nice lawyer. He had a table with bottle service and was fun but professional. At the end of the evening and today he has bombarded me with requests for sexy photos. SO OK, the 23 year old restaurant employee is young and virile, but the 2nd guy is at least 10 to 15 years older and is a professional. I do not get what is behind asking women for sexy photos??? Is this the new norm? Really? People have been able to take photos on phones for ages and I don’t recall being inundated with sexy photo requests. Can someone please explain? Seem the order is : Meet girl, get number, get sexy photo.....not sure what happens after that. Is it a test of sorts?
  8. I'm 17. Five months ago just as lockdown in my country started, I initally started casually talking to this girl I knew. When I first saw her (before I started talking) I thought she was about 14, but I found out she was younger, I thought 13. When we were talking I admitted I found her attractive, I thought she was developed for her age, I said how when I first saw her I thought she was much older and she felt the same. She tells me it was the same with other boys Nothing really happened. Then out of the blue she asked me out. It messed with my head especially when she revealed she wasn't even 13 yet (a month or so off). She even wanted to know if I'd do sexual stuff with her , which is when I told her no way. But I feel so guilty about even feeling like this in the first place. It's made me feel awful. It's made me feel dirty. I don't even know why I felt like that. I don't know what to do. What is there to do? It happened a long time ago, and in the eyes of the law, I haven't actually done anything wrong as I didn't send naked pictures or ask for any , didn't have any kind of sexual contact , anything. Am I overreacting?
  9. Hi all, For once I'm not actually posting about myself. I'm posting about concerns and advice for my mother who has been dating someone for the last few years. A little bit of a back story, my Mum was single for about 25 years, after my abusive father was kicked out of the house (never saw him again, and he died in 2013). She focused on raising me and her career. She is now in a quite highly paid job role, and has just gone from strength to strength. A few years ago, so started dating a work colleague (they were initially peers, but she's since become his superior albeit on different teams). He's a bit younger than her, but the age gap isn't really the issue. The main problem is he's separated from his wife, but still living with her - just on the top floor of the house. There is no love there, and it's basically a long drawn out divorce. Last year he broke it off with my Mum, citing needing to get his head sorted and finally out of the house. It broke my Mum's heart but they eventually kind of got back together again, despite nothing changing in his home life. He's been going hot and cold since really. Obviously with the lock-down, they've not seen each other and everything has been on hold. However my Mum has been getting paranoid about his friendship with another female colleague during this time. At the moment, he's not speaking to her outside of work, and my Mum has found evidence that he has been at the colleagues house a few times in the last couple of weeks. There is no evidence that he's having an affair, as to be honest, he's essentially cheating on his separated wife with my Mum, so you wouldn't do the same again with another colleague right? I've stated that because he feels guilt about being around my Mum whilst he's dealing with his difficult home life (work is also a massive stress factor), maybe he's going to this colleague's house as a bit of respite - away from the home and away from the kids. They all work from home by the way. She's convinced there's something else going on, and that they are just lying to her. Now the female colleague could be innocent in all this, supporting her friend by offering a place to chill out for a few hours and get some work done. But not mention it to anyone else in work, as that's how rumours and gossip starts. I've told my Mum this but she's just not listening. I have to see her cry and be depressed constantly and I don't know what to do to help her. Affair or not, he's clearly been messing her about too much and I know she should break it off completely. But she just wants the whole truth and almost a definitive answer that he's sleeping around with another colleague. What's everyone's opinion? Is there anything I can do? She's even talking about getting a tracking device on his car or something as she wants to know for sure, but I'm worried she will throw everything away over him. She's worked incredibly hard over the last 25 years, and I couldn't bare to watch her destroy over this man who doesn't deserve her in the first place.
  10. Hi all, here's some backstory. I recently decided to start fresh with school after completing one year of college, I am now coming back home to a community college to play soccer for the school and switch majors essentially deeming myself a freshman again. with school and soccer as my main focus plus being back at home with no potential dates on my mind, I though I would end up spending the next two years working, playing, and doing school with no GF, which I was bummed about, but I figured it would be for the better as my last relationship took up the majority of my time and Money often distracting me from more important things, which in retrospect seems bad but it felt right at the time so I can't complain. Anyways... I am training at my new fast food job, handing food out the window to customers when a girl calls me by name (I wear a name tag) and asked if I have a GF, I responded no to which she asked if I wanted one. already flustered worrying about getting orders correct and having my bosses around me, I said come back at 8 (when I got off) and we'll talk. To my surprise, when I got off work and went out to my car, she pulled up. I formally introduced myself and got her name. She's a very pretty girl that I think I would like to have a relationship with, but I then asked her how old she is. She's 17, I'm 19, so she's a HS senior and I'm essentially a college freshman again, only a one year school difference. I was super nervous so I didn't have much time to think so after she said that we both kinda awkwardly smiled at each other, I told her that I'm 19 and that she should come back when she turns 18. she didn't immediately leave so I asked her if she went to school in the area, and coincidentally, she goes to HS in the same town as my Community College. With that info in mind, we ended the convo and went our separate ways. After having a day to reflect though, I am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. With the given info I was able to do some online snooping to find a social media account just so I could see her face again as everything was kinda a blur due to me being nervous, so I do have a form of contact if I do decide to change my mind. I have a few concerns that I would like input on though. First and most importantly, she is 17 and I am 19, according to socials, she just turned 17 and I just turned 19 so we are almost exactly two years apart, I really have no issue with this, my grandparents are like 10 yrs apart so 2 is really no big deal, but with the age gap being at such a significant time legally, me being over 18 and her under , I am wondering if this would cause issues or lead to harsh judgement from others. legally, I think I could only get into trouble if there was a sexual side to the relationship, I would being willing to wait the extra year especially b/c I feel like that stuff is much better when you know your partner better anyways, but would this still lead to assumptions from friends and family anyways. I also don't know for sure that she is okay with the age gap, she didn't immediately leave when I told her my age which is a good sign but I could risk total rejection if I were to reach out. next, I would have to reach out through social media and somehow explain that I had to do some digging to find her which might make her feel weird/ creeped out as well. I also don't even know her or anything about her which means we may be polar opposites anyways. Finally, I am not sure if I am obsessing over this because I am truly attracted to her or because its just the fact that Ive never had girl be that forward with me and then show the dedication to drive all the way back 5 hrs later that I am attracted to. I don't want to miss out on something that could turn into a really great relationship, but with all of these complicating factors, I am wondering if it is something that is really worth it. any help is appreciated. thanks.
  11. So this might be a long one but I'll try and get everything in as briefly as possible. I met my ex about a year ago at a party in a club. At the time I was single enjoying life and had been seeing a few different girls off and on and was open to something serious but not really looking for it. I went on a first date with her after getting her number and found her very sweet and nice but wasn't sure if it would lead to anything. The second date however we got a chance to spend a longer time together and I realised I felt a connection with her Id never experienced before with anyone. I was really blown away, but the only problem was I'd committed to go travelling for 4 weeks and was leaving the following week. I told her this but she said she really liked me and we agreed we would see eachother again when I returned. I'd planned the holiday as a chance to do some solo travelling and meet some other travellers and just have fun. I'd booked it while very much single and I started to feel some doubts about everything, but I told myself I couldn't jump to conclusions about a girl I'd only seen a couple of times and that I should keep in touch with her and go ahead with my plans. So I went away, had fun and while I was travelling did meet other girls, but felt a little empty and a bit guilty when I thought back to her. When I got home I was dying to see her, but the fact I had been with other people was playing on my mind I was worried it might ruin things between us. In the end I met her again and we spent a great weekend camping, during which she didn't ask much about my time away. I maybe didn't feel quite the same head-spinning attraction to her I had before I went away, but I put this down to those feelings of guilt and not having seen her in a few weeks. I have a bit of a history of running away when things get too close and had never previously had a serious relationship, and I knew that I had a great connection with her and loved to spend time with her, so I probably very prematurely asked her if she wanted to be exclusive. There was a big problem for her in that she only had a few months left where I live before she had to go home to her country, which is thousands of miles away. I said we shouldn't worry about that now but from the beginning she was preoccupied about whether I would come with her or not and asked me if I was sure a relationship was what I wanted. I told her that I felt something really strong between us and wanted to give it a chance. After this we met up several times at parties and to hang out and I met all her close friends and flatmates. I was excited to share my life with someone in a way I never had before and felt good about the future. It wasn't long after this though that some problems started. I'd explained to her from the beginning that I'm generally very busy and like my space, and that I'd never liked the idea of being in a glued-at-the-hip relationship. She agreed and said she didn't like that either, but when I told her a couple of times I was tired and maybe another day would be better to meet up, she said OK but seemed very disappointed. Throughout the relationship she told me I seemed very cold and distant every time I was with her, and that it seemed I didn't want to be there. This was far from true especially at the beginning but I also felt she very much wanted me all for herself whenever we were out, and I wanted a chance to get to know her friends and for her to know mine. Though we had a good clear the air conversation about this fairly early on, it was something that kept coming up and I eventually started to feel like I was walking on eggshells a little bit every time I saw her, waiting to get asked why I was so distant or my mind seemed elsewhere. I thought maybe issues from my past were affecting things. I was very open with her that I'd had a tough childhood and a difficult relationship with my mother, which had caused a few anger issues with women and sabotaging of relationships. She was incredibly supportive of me when I talked about this and seemed to really appreciate that I'd opened up to her. I felt loved and listened to in a way I never had before by anyone and it brought us closer together. Despite this, jealousy seemed to start to play an increasing part in our relationship. She told me that I talked a lot about my ex (I brought her up once or twice about fairly innocent things) and asked me if we were still in contact claiming she had sent her a friend request on Facebook (which I highly doubt given my ex had told me she didn't have space for me in her life and clearly wanted to move on). She became paranoid about co-workers and female friends and I had to repeatedly tell her that I didn't have any feelings for them. The first big issue arose however when I showed her a picture on my phone through Facebook and she saw that I had made searches for a few girls. I'll admit maybe I was in the wrong there but sometimes bored and home I'd look up people I used to know or see just to check what they were doing with their lives (male or female, though probably mostly female). She took this as a sign I was talking to other people and decided to look through my phone without my knowledge, which she admitted and apologised for, but shed gone as far as looking at timestamps and claimed I was searching for other girls even when we were together, which I don't think was true. We made up and that was that for a while, but after a couple of weeks she told me that a male friend was coming to visit her, and would be staying in her room and they would spend a couple of nights alone together. She also told me he was single and also that he got around, so I found it absolutely bizarre that I would think it was fine for him to stay alone with her without knowing anything about the guy. Again we talked it out but I was starting to feel there was a lack of self-awareness and some double standards on her part. After that, we had agreed to go on holiday together, and just as everything was booked she began crying and said I would want to break up with her. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she was actually 7 years older than me. She'd told me originally we were the same age but shed felt scared if she was honest I wouldn't want to be with her and had hidden it for 4 months. I couldn't believe she wouldn't tell me something so basic for so long but we made up and I made a resolution to rethink things after our holiday. We went away and things went great, I felt closer to her than ever but there were a few moments where she would get extremely jealous about something or someone. One night she decided to ask out of the blue if I had been with anyone while I was travelling before we got together. I was honest and said I had and she went cold and barely talked to me for hours. In spite of that on the last night I told her I felt closer to her than ever and I'd had a really good time. She agreed but as we were going to sleep she started a monologue about every time she felt I'd looked at another girl and maybe I didn't want her and we shouldn't be together. It felt really bad but I said we should talk in the morning. When we got home I mentioned what she had said the previous night, I intended it as an honest discussion to work things out but the issue of plans and moving away came up and she ended up telling me there were too many "buts" and we abruptly broke up. The truth was that I was in love with her but they way she had behaved in some situations was giving me serious doubts about moving thousands of miles away with her and leaving everything behind, in addition to not being sure if it was compatible with career/study plans. I was devastated and felt like my heart had been ripped out but gave it a week to process things. After this I decided to contact her and try to work things out, on the condition that I'd have to work together on the things that were affecting the relationship negatively. She agreed and we gave it another go. I tried to be less distant with her and more conscientious about what she was feeling. I also agreed I'd probably avoided the issue of whether I would move away with her and I'd try to be more open about this. For a while things went great but eventually jealousies started to creep back in and she became fixated that I was continually checking out his brothers girlfriend, something which was completely untrue. We eventually broke up a second time when we went away together for Christmas in a big group, including her mother who had flown over and I was meeting for the first time. It was my first time away from my family at Christmas and I tried to make the best of it but I found things hard. I found her mother to be completely manipulative and difficult to talk to, and thoughtout the Christmas period I felt my girlfriend decided to take her side in everything and accuse me of not making an effort rather than try to accommodate us both. One evening for example I woke up alone and discovered she had gone to sleep with her mother. She didn't want to explain this initially but eventually told me her mother was feeling lonely and felt she was getting in the way of us, so she decided to spend the night with her. The final straw was when the day after Christmas we decided to play some drinking games, and they group decided to play a game where you could take a shot or tell the truth in answer to a question. She was asked if she would marry someone for a European visa, to which she answered yes. She had told me before she had considered this with her ex so I wasnt too bothered, and she knew I wasn't ready to think about something as serious as marriage. However when we were next alone together she asked me if the question had upset me. I said no as I knew she had thought about it before with her ex. She then asked would I be upset if she married someone for a visa while we were still together. I said of course I would and she said her ex had offered her again within the last month, and if we weren't together she would think about it as it was a really good opportunity. The whole thing felt totally manipulative and designed to shame me into making a decision about our future. I couldn't believe this was the same person whod been so supportive of me and who I shared such a deep connection with, but in hindsight I know it was borne out of frustration. Some days after this she announced a string of travel plans to her family while we were having dinner, none of which she had mentioned to me. It felt like a very manipulative "take it or leave it", and I said nothing but calmly took it on board and arranged to meet with her alone a couple of days later, where I told her I didn't seem to be in her plans and we should break up. Her immediate reaction was to say that she hadnt expected it, but this proved I'd never cared and just wanted a friend's with benefits situation, that I had been more concerned with other girls the whole time and never had any intention of moving away with her. I stayed calm and told her that defintely wasn't the case but if she needed to think that I understood. Eventually she came round and we had a very emotional goodbye where we talked about all the good thing we'd shared and we said we'd stay in touch, which proved to be a mistake. Our only contact after that was when she asked me for some holiday photos and didn't respond when I asked how she was doing. A few days later she deleted me on social media. I told myself I should give it some time, but couldn't avoid constant checking of Facebook, Instagram etc. It didn't really allow me to let go, and I continued to miss her and wonder if I'd done the wrong thing. The current lockdown situation ramped these feelings up and I decided to contact her again. She told me she was upset that she hadn't contacted me sooner after we broke up and didnt think we should meet again. I've since seen her on a clue of occasions on the street and waved hello as we live close, once holding hands with another guy which was very difficult to see. Its been over 4 months since we broke up and I finally took the long overdue decision to block her and her friends on everything, partly not to have to see photos of a new relationship but also to get her out of my mind. I've started seeing someone else recently also but have no plans to start anything remotely serious soon. Despite the troubles we had there's a nagging feeling that I've lost my soulmate and will never have that connection with someone again, someone I felt deeply for and is still on my mind a lot. There's no doubt there was something really powerful there and it's very difficult to imagine finding that with someone else or leaving her in the past, though I've now accepted I have to move on. There's also a nagging guilt and self-criticism that maybe I was a bad partner or its all my fault, and that I've lost her to someone else because I was too stubborn or took things the wrong way, and that some of these things could have been easily worked out with a little bit more communication. Something I've never really figured out is that especially after the initial couple weeks of seeing her I felt a bit apprehensive when we met up rather than madly in love, which made me question if her fears were right and I did just want someone else. Thinking back on our time together and judging by how I've felt since the breakup though I know that's not true, but those feelings maybe weren't as promiment as I'd expected or shed wanted. If you've made it this far thanks for reading. I know it's a long post and maybe there's no use over-analysing it but I'm trying to figure out what I can learn from it that might be useful in future for myself and how I can eventually move on. Cheers and Id appreciate any and all advice/thoughts.
  12. Hi all this is my very first post having just signed up, I felt the need to find a nice friendly forum where I hope to get things off my chest and receive some nice friendly advice as I dont have many people in my life. Here goes..... I was with my ex girlfriend for 12 years and we broke up 6 months ago.. It was my decision to end the relationship the reasons for doing it were because I felt we had become more friends than partners.. My partner was 17 years older than me when we met I was 21 and she was 37. We had many great years together but towards the last couple of years I started to feel that the age difference was becoming a problem as I looked at others my age getting married, having children, buying houses together and so on, which in turn made me think as I couldn't have these things with my ex girlfriend due to life circumstances etc. My mental health isn't great but I'm not suicidal.I feel it's the circumstances in which I'm speaking has made me a little unhappy in my head. I have been to councillors and had chats ect and I'm on a small dose of antidepressants. So fast forward 6 months I have found a new girl I have been with for 6 weeks, she is my age with the same goals and needs in life. We get on really well and she spoils me rotten! But here's the crazy problem I keep feeling like I miss my ex (absolutely crazy!) I get a huge amount of guilt how I have hurt her and that she didn't do anything to deserve it. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me showing me some good times in my mind but not the times where I felt so lonely and unhappy. I feel silly for having to come here for help but as I'm 33 years old maybe I just need guidance as I haven't been through anything like this before? Just wish my mind would agree with me that it was the right thing to do and I have now been given the opportunity for new beginnings with a lovely girl! Thank you for taking the time to read this and any advice big or small is greatly received. Stay safe guys
  13. Hello, I am wondering if I am doing the right thing. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years . Lately we got into an argument where I felt like he had wronged me in some way and I explained that to him but he refused that he did something wrong and would say I pretend to know it all. Some context of this argument is that I wanted to go to a work party but the morning of the work party it was a bit cold and I was tired so I wasn’t sure whether I would want to go. I sent him a message asking for opinions on what to say , he informed me that he will let me know , hours later I messaged him that I thought about it and I will go and stay for an hour and after that he started saying I am very weird and that I do what I want and ignore his advice , and I was so confused because this wasn’t that situation. And it wasn’t that I didn’t listen to his advice , I just changed my mind about going . So this is where the argument started and I said it was just wrong for him to say something like that in this situation but he kept on saying it again and again. We took a little break because we were not on the same page ( I suggested we relax because he wanted to end things) so a day later I try messaging and calling and no reply and he then proceeds to breakup with me through text . It’s always been like this anytime we have an argument he would always want to end the relationship, whenever I have a different thought or opinion to him he would say I am pretending to be a know it all and that he has been through life ( he is 8 years older than me ) every argument is usually my fault and after every argument when he ends it I go back to him and say that he was right and he would come back to me . This time when he ended things at first I begged but I later sent him a message saying how much I love him and it’s okay if he wants to end things . His reply was then him blaming it on me that I caused the breakup that I brought us to that current situation. After that text I never replied , it had now been 5 days and it’s been so tough , I cry myself to sleep , it’s just been difficult . Should I say something to him? I do not know if I’m doing the right thing walking away and going no contact I just don’t know .
  14. Im a 21 male and he is 37, we've been in a fwb situation for the past year and we're thinking of taking our relationship to the next level and start officially dating, but we are trying to figure out the logistics to see if it would even work. Some background info, he works at the college I go to (not a Professor/TA) and lives pretty close to me as well, so seeing each other/spending time together isn't a problem, as I can pop on over anytime. We really love each other and want to make this work, but we have been trying to figure out if it'd work and have gotten stuck and could use some outside advice. The main 2 questions we've been talking about are being what's the best way to be introduced to each others friends and family and what to do about work events. Like he has a pretty high standing for his job and obviously there are events where he's been asked to bring a plus one. And by bringing me, it would be a little out of place, as I'm currently a student at the school and I would hate to ever ruin his reputation. So if anyone has any advice on how to ease into these things, that'd be great because we've each never done an age gap relationship before.
  15. Well technically, it's been a few days. My sister and I are very close, and despite the big age gap (she recently turned 14) we've always gotten along. Needless to say, I absolutely adore her and had never thought or suspected this so it was very unexpected. A few days ago she sent me a text message with a link to a word document and told me to watch a vid- volume turned low and alone. Which I did so, the very next day. She tells me she thinks she's gay, that she might be bi, has found some guys attractive, but has never had a crush on a guy. Also, that due to lack of interaction with guys and going to a girls school all her life, it was hard to say. Apparently all her close friends know and that she was done putting it off so she's decided to tell me. She says she's been thinking about this for nearly 3 years, and that she really didn't know how I'd react, that she always felt paranoid when I had her phone and had to mute group chats fearing I'd find out. She tells me she hopes I'd understand, that I wouldn't just dismiss this and to never tell our parents. I cried reading the message. I had no idea and was emotional that she felt hesitant to tell me. I told her it's okay, that all preteens and teens were confused. I had crushes on girls too and had kissed girls out of curiosity when I was younger. That it doesn't matter either way, because she was my sister and I loved her. It doesn't change anything and that I was so touched she felt she could tell me and that I was on her side no matter what. I got very choked up thinking that she felt the need to almost beg for my support, that when she said it was hard for her, it really must be because our parents are very homophobic. I definitely will not be saying anything to them. I haven't acted differently and our interactions have been the same as usual, but I wanted to know since she doesn't want to talk about this in person and just through texts, should I ever bring it up? I really don't care what she is, it was just extremely unexpected that's all. My parents are unfortunately homophobic and very conservative, and I really don't know how they'd react when she does ultimately tell them. She has always been a major overachiever and has made my parents very proud through the years. However, my parents have never been very supportive or understanding in general. They have a tendency to guilt trip, be somewhat emotionally abusive and I am dreading what my parents would think. I pray that my dad doesn't end up reacting in a toxic or temperamental way (as he does on a daily basis) saying things he can't take back. Any experiences with close family member or siblings coming out? Any advice would be highly appreciated.
  16. I can't believe I'm writing to the internet about this, but I feel so alone right now. I am in a 11-12 year age gap relationship with my boyfriend. He's starting to experience symptoms of low T or maybe even mild ED. It's deeply affecting our sex life and my happiness in the relationship, but I know it's out of his control. He's made a doctors appointment, but I don't know how to cope with this. Not something I envisioned dealing with as a sophomore in college.. advice? Also, I struggle a lot feeling like I missed out on his "golden years." We both met at a rave when I was 18, we've been together for 2 years, and i always hear his friends bring up their EDC or wild rave experiences from 2012-2015ish. How the music was so much better, and how raving/edm isn't the same. I see it in his face that he agrees even though he tells me he doesn't. He doesn't care to rave as much now that he's older. I feel like all his best memories happened before me and he lived his fun, wild life and now he just doesn't care for much. We still have so much in common, but I constantly feel like I've been left behind. I hate feeling like I wish I had a time machine so I could have been there all those years ago.. How do you get over these things being in a big age gap with someone you love? This is honestly more than I could have ever expected, and it feels like it just keeps getting harder. By no means, is breaking up an options, but if anyone has been in a similar position, any advice would be greatly appreciated. It's not really possible for me to get any advice or understanding from my fellow college peers..
  17. I've been exclusively dating this man for about a month and honestly, I am officially infatuated. He is such a quality man with a lot going for him. I am not sure why he is interested in me. This man is as sharp as a tack, super bright with a lot of knowledge about a large variety of topics. He is also a handy man around the house. All of the upgrades he put in the house, he personally installed (talented!). He's financially responsible with a perfect credit score and willing to help me with mine. He also offered to help me fix my car. He's thoughtful and considerate and he keeps me in mind on his grocery visits and makes sure I'm comfortable any time I come over. I mean the list goes on as to why I find him delightfully wonderful. I feel like he could do so much better. There is a 10 year age gap, but still, I am trying. I have always envisioned having a competent partner.. and if I have expect certain things out of a man, surely, I have to meet him half way. I don't feel ready to be what he needs. I am trying to work on my knowledge and develop my own hobbies.. I am trying. He's into Shakespeare and deep philosophical conversations, which that is something that I am interested in as well, but I just can't keep up with him. I feel like a dullard. My finances are not where I need them to be. I am working on that as well, but I am over extended due to outside circumstances, it's not like I'm irresponsible. I want to be able to make him smile, and make him happy. He values intelligent women. I'm so into this guy, I've been researching how to properly love. Love is not a feeling but a selfless act of making the other person happy. It's not about having your partner please you. I want this to last past the honey moon phase. I want this to last for years, decades. Because even if the newness wares off he's still a quality person and I want to be able to love him correctly and be what he needs in a woman. I asked him why he liked me. He said that he valued my optimistic heart and my energy. He told me that a man is better off in life with a woman by his side, and he is going to need someone in his world, once his grandmother and mother passes, he will feel alone and left with nothing. So much is happening. I started a new job, and I took a cut in pay around the same time my rent went up. It was my initial plan to move in with my mom, but after a few disagreements, I'm not sure if that's a good idea. This man is offering me a separate room. I'll pay cheap rent and it offers me the opportunity to get caught up and save. As tempting as that is, I never moved in with a man before.. and I am worried that this might put a wedge in between us. I desperately want things to work. I'm not sure what to do. Any advice is welcomed. Thanks in advance.
  18. Hi guys/gals. Sorry for the long detail of this story but want to cover all grounds. So I met a guy on a gaming platform last year and we started playing together and what not. I introduced him to the friends I play with regularly and then we proceeded to all play together. He was always asking me personal questions (nothing inappropriate) such as was I married, what my favorite things were, favorite food, what side of town I lived on (we live in the same city) etc. etc. getting to know me. A few months went by and he asked me for my Snapchat so we could stay in touch and at first we wouldn't talk very regularly but this year in January we started talking everyday. He then found me on Instagram (how....I am unsure but sure enough he did!) We are both single but were always just friendly with each other. One day I told him I felt I was going to be "single forever" (kind of joking, kind of not) and proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t going to be, asking me if I wanted to go get something to eat that night. I was shocked. He had always mentioned one day he was going to meet me but it was just really random and I did not imagine it happening right then. I was nervous - not because I thought he was a catfish or anything (we would Snapchat so I had seen him) it was just nerve wrecking to meet the person you talk to everyday finally face to face. I said okay...he then told me he was nervous (made me feel better lol) but told him to not be. So fast forward, we met for dinner that night (this is February) and it went great he offered to pay for me but told him we could split the bill. So we hugged each other at the end of the night and proceeded to go our separate ways (and played video games when we both got home). After that, we would see each other probably once a week or so. I took him to a company function the next week and after that we went to go eat again. He never posts anything on snapchat, but on this food adventure he took a picture with me and posted it on his snapchat. I know it might not sound like anything, but he never posts anything and I was stunned he put in on his social media. I casually brought it up that night saying omg wow I made the snapchat story! He said “I’d always be on his snap”. So in the month of March we saw each other every week once a week. After our last food adventure, he asked what our next one would be. In February, I had told him about a DIY project I wanted to do at my house and he was very excited about it and wanted to help me with it. So I told him next time, I could cook and we could work on the project and watch a movie – in which this is all happening at my house. He was excited about it just as much I was. Fast forward that next week...sometimes he would go some nights and not say anything to me at all...starting from like 5pm...yes that would make me feel a certain way like what is he doing and he can't say anything or say he's okay? But he spoke on it and apologized for it saying that some things happen at home that put him in a bad mood and personal things go on and I told him it was fine. One night I didn't say anything and that bothered him but I just wasn't having a good day and told him when he does it to me I don't say anything or point it out, which is why he apologized and explained what goes on…telling me he cared about my feelings.He said he felt comfortable talking to me about personal things and I told him I'm glad he did that he could talk to me about things anytime. So that Thursday night, he didn't say anything. In my mind, I'm annoyed because he does it and just apologizes over and over again, after saying he wants to fix not saying anything and at least let me know some things were going on. (We've known each other for about 7-8 months at this point). The sorrys just got tiring...that's all. He's asking about my day and such and we're both having a busy day at work so I'm not responding how I usually might. We were talking then all of a sudden, he leaves me on read....he left me on read Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and then Tuesday…in my mind...somethings wrong. We’ve never gone this long and not talked. But I see he's on Snapchat...so finally Tuesday (after being persuaded by a friend to say something) I asked if he was okay…he said he was fine and he stopped talking because I was being “short” and took it as me not wanting to talk to him anymore and he left it alone. I was stunned, and confused. I was not being short… Attempting to not be mad, I asked him why he thought that and asked why he couldn’t have said that earlier? He said he thought I knew. That angered me. There is not a huge age gap (I’m 27, he is 25 next month) but I found that response to be extremely childish. Am I a mind reader? No. I’m upset at this point. I was being logical with him and asking him if he had asked me if I didn’t want to keep talking to him. He said no and he guessed he should have. He said he assumed I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. How could you think that? We have plans for you to come over and help me with my project… I never once said to you I don’t want to talk to you anymore. He then proceeded to ask me what my answer would have been if he asked. I told him never mind that, did he want me to leave him alone? He said “I think it’s best we go our separate ways I have too much going on” and I said “as you wish” and we have not spoken since. Assumptions are the worst possible thing one can have and act on for that matter. It hurts. He then proceeded to keep watching my social media stories and that triggered me. Who do you think you are? Telling me you think we need to go our separate ways but lurk on my social media? Going our separate ways? But we’re just friends? I took him off everything but he still follows me and watches my stories to this day but doesn’t say anything. Why is he watching my stuff still? Mind you he hasn't taken me off anything. He was like the male version of me... we just clicked...Yes I liked him but we never did anything nor did I ever bring it up because I wasn't sure if it was mutual. My friends said yes he likes you CLEARLY he talks to you everyday sends you good morning good night wants to see you help you with handy things etc etc. He would tell me I was beautiful and send me the kiss emoji if I sent him a picture of myself or hug me when I saw him, as I would too. I’ve left it alone because in my mind there is a maturity gap and I’m still upset. But at the end of the day, when I see he is seeing my stuff, it hurts…I miss him. I miss our friendship. I miss our conversations, us hanging out. I honestly have no idea what went wrong and how this escalated where but I am prideful. The pride in me keeps me from reaching out because this is what he wanted. Not me. It’s been three weeks or about a month or so. My friends say he wasn’t expecting me to be okay with just saying we shouldn’t talk anymore and was probably hoping for a different response and that he didn’t view me as just a friend…well I’m not 20 and if someone tells me bye then okay I guess it’s bye… but I’m still over here conflicted. And I know for a fact it’s not because of another female. I see things that make me think of him and I want to send it to him, but then I tell myself not to....I feel like he might think I hate him or I'm like super mad at him and I'm not...I'm disappointed he let a mental assumption end our friendship like this. I went from talking to him all day everyday to not speaking to him at all and anybody who knows that feeling understands the pain. Do you think if I reached out and asked how he was doing that would be okay, or should I just leave it alone completely? I have the strong urge to be like "so you can watch my stories but can't speak (:" (in a playful banter way but I don't know)
  19. I have been in a serious relationship with a man for almost a year now after knowing him for 3 years. He is much older than me (18 years difference). He has 2 teenage kids. They are honestly quite difficult at times. His daughter is very spoiled and has a tendency to disrespect authority. I thought I was fine with kids at first, but it seems like it’s bothering me more than I thought it would. We live together and I don’t like it when they’re there, they don’t help around the house at all and expect us (me) to clean after them and cook for them. It’s frustrating. Besides, the mother is still very much involved. She comes to my boyfriend’s events, his birthday, and she judges our relationship. She openly admitted to him when I was out of town that she regrets her decision of leaving him 7 years ago. That bothers me. He also bought a house for her to live in, free of any charge. I love him, but I feel like I’m never the priority. His ex-wife even comes before me in his priorities a lot. I would like for him to have little special attentions for me like buy me flowers or plan special dates, but that never really happens. I told him multiple times and he just gets mad when I talk about it. I feel like he takes me for granted and I don’t know what to do
  20. Hi everyone, I'm a 32 year old guy. I have always pondered on the topic of trust and jealousy in relationships. First, I would like to explain my perspective and then I would like to hear the views of others. It will be a long post, I'll try to articulate my thoughts as much as I can. Platonic relationships: I am quite conservative when it comes to platonic relationships. I know that its a debatable topic. In my personal experience, I have never seen platonic relationships working well unless the two people do not find each other attractive or there is something else holding them back from forming a relationship with each other. For instance, a very big age difference or some religious concerns or if they are married (although we have seen married people cheating too, sadly.) Also, from what I have learned, women usually are more open to the idea of platonic relationships than men. We often see attractive women who have many male friends. However, men usually don't prefer to be friends with attractive girls. I am sure you have all come across those men in your life who try to be nice and stick around waiting for that day when the girl accepts him. Sometimes even when a girl is in a committed relationship, there are men who are sitting at the fence and waiting for something to go wrong and then they exploit her in a vulnerable situation. I have even seen men who bad mouth a woman's significant other by saying that "He should treat you better" and things like that. Its rather rare for men to be appreciative of an attractive girl's husband/boyfriend. In my personal life, even the girls whom I did not find attractive and was just friends with, sooner or later, their feelings were evident and they wanted more than just friendship. There was an attractive lady who was 12 years older than me. I used to have conversations with her sometimes. I was absolutely surprised when she expressed interest in me after 1 year of friendship where all we did was just talk or share some life experiences. Physical intimacy usually follows emotional intimacy. Repeated exposure to a person of opposite sex who exhibits a good level of understanding, offers emotional support and is near your age can result in attraction especially when one of the two is vulnerable. I also understand that there are plenty of articles and videos on Internet who teach "modern men" to be cool, try to act alpha around their women and never be uncomfortable in such situations. Some of them say, that your girl might even try to make you feel jealous at times and put you through some " tests". Always act cool and she will only see you as a confident person. I would like to hear from the women on this Forum. Do you really think this is a sign of maturity from a woman? And why are there so many articles teaching men to pretend to be someone they are not. Infidelity We are living in a time when divorce rates seem to be through the roof. And if I am not wrong, they are only increasing with time. Even in conservative parts of the world where divorce rates were significantly lower, there has been an increase in the past few years. In some places, divorce rates are not going up because many people have voluntarily chosen not to get married and be single. One of the popular reasons for relationship problems is usually a partner cheating and having a "physical" or "emotional" affair with another person (single or married). And in most cases, it turns out that the person they are having an affair with is someone they used to refer to as a "friend". I personally feel that a lot of times, words like "insecurity" and "jealousy" and "trust issues" are used too often to dismiss or act defensive when we know deep within that the concerns of our significant other are reasonable. I do not believe that "trust" is something that comes as a bonus of being with a person. Trust is something which is built with time. It can only take a second to break the trust but take ages to build it. So, in my opinion, its reasonable to have concerns and openly discuss with your partner if something makes you feel uncomfortable about their interaction with a person of opposite sex. Instead of living in the fear that you might be judged as a "jealous" person. I looked through most of the posts on this Forum and there were numerous cases of people being hurt that their partner is communicating a lot with a person of opposite sex. For instance, a girlfriend/wife talking to another guy (single/married) or even an Ex in some cases. And in all these cases, I saw a common pattern. They were assured by their partner that its just "friendship" and soon they realized it was more than that. And I also don't agree with this talk about "be an alpha male" and exhibit confidence all the time in such cases. If we are talking about being alpha then history has shown that men had to fight for what they want and protect it from other men. There will always be other men who want something which you have. Jealous Ex-Boyfriends During my communication with different girls in past few years, I have observed a pattern about the "ex boyfriend being jealous". They often say that their Ex Boyfriend was jealous of "their friends". It takes a bit of digging to realize that, by friends they meant "guy friends". They were jealous of the interaction between their girlfriend and some guy. And these girls say: "He did not trust me, he was jealous of my friend". And at the same time, these girls did not like the fact when their boyfriend/husband would communicate with other women (either on call at home or hang out with them in cafe). So, this comes across as double standards and the lack of ability to think from another person's point of view. I always feel "don't do the things to your partner which you would not like to be done to yourself.". I think meeting as a couple with other couples is healthy. Interaction with opposite sex in such places are healthy and very rarely result in problems. In a workplace, interaction with people of opposite sex is common as well for work purpose. Although, I am aware that even at workplace people try to cross boundaries. I want to hear the views of other people on this topic. And not "politically correct" views but something that they truly feel and think. Something that they experienced. If you have personal experiences, kindly share them too. Would love to learn more.
  21. Hello first of all I want to say thank you so much for spending your time to read my post ... I’m really depressed and stress out . I don’t have many friends that I can reach too . and I’m hoping getting advise from people here My name is Elle I’m 25 years old I’m originally from Asia, I lived on and off United states for the past 9 years The reason why I moved to United States is because of school. I obtain 2 degrees from 2010 to 2016 . When I moved to USA in 2017 i was 17 years old . I never had a boyfriend before and I’m a virgin. Beeing gay in my country is illegal and you could go to jail for that . Some when I first moved to USA I finally can experience freedom and realize that it’s ok to love a person that is same sex. Finally after 17 years I can be my self. My first boyfriend seems verry loving and caring . He is so much older than me at that time . He is 43 years old and I was 17 . The first couple months is extremely beautiful and I never feel love like that in my entire life. I trust him 1000 percent . The fact I loose my virginity with him for the first time makes me feel I can trust him even more and give my self fully. Long story short , I start to notice things changed over time with him . Especially after 3 months he convinced me to move in with him and leave all my friend behind for some reason . My life start to fall apart ... he start to become verry dominant , aggressive and also abusive ( mentally and physically ) I received many sexual abuse from him to the point I think I want to kill my self. There is many times I have to go to Walgreens to find medecine from bruises and cut because he punch me. He extremely manipulative too because after he punch me the next day he will be the nicest person and verry loving person . At that time I really confused and I still love him because he told me he could go into a lot of trouble if I ask for help. He also asked me for money too multiple times and ask me to contribute every month for 700 usd. After almost 2 years in hell i finally able to get away from him. Before I left he threatened me to blackmailing me and show our picture to my family . When I left ... he really did , he sent pictures to my parents back in Indonesia . At that time as a young innocent teenager boy I was destroyed to the core . I become almost crazy because of it and since then I have a trust issue with people because of this experience . The person that I loved the most hurt me to the core . Now in 2019 I finally fall very deeply I love again with another man . I was traveling to los angles back in 2018 and I was planning to just visit los angles . And then I meet with this one guy let’s called him madd and he is 43 years old . I meet him in gay dating site that supposed to be only for hook up , I didn’t know I will meet a great men in those site. Because of my past experience getting used and hurt I become verry close person . I even didn’t want to tell my real name when we first meet because I don’t know him. On the first date we shared so many things I also told him about my past how I get abused a lot by the person that I loved the most. He also tell his story how he get cheated on before by his ex wife because she want to work as a stripper in Las Vegas and they have long distance relationship . He is so mad because he feels like his ex wife value money over his relationship and long distance relationship caused her to cheat on him and choose another man beside him. So madd also have a really dark and scar experience. We bond so much trough our experience and I started to trust him a little bit by little bit but because of what happen with me before I cannot trust him 100 percent at that time yet . Because I went to a horrific experience before from trusting a man . The problem start to occur in febuary when I feel verry comfortable with him and start trusting him fully . I tell him a lot of things about my life and my family situation . The response that I get is anger and blaim. My family situation requires me to stay full time in Indonesia but because I love him so much I try to make my life 50/50. Live half of the time in USA and Indonesia. Because of he have bad experience with long distance relationship , he told me that he will never be with some one who live away from him and I tottaly understand that. He wants me to live 100 percent with him and for me to be honest to my parents. What he want is 2 things 1. To me to be open with my family about our relationship 2 to live with him full time because he had a traumatized experience with long distance relationship . I try to explain to him that 1. My parents is super religious and they live in a place where beeing gay is illegal for their whole life . So if they find out it will hurt them a lot I feel like I’m a disappointment for my parents and the last thing I want to do is to hurt them . I’m ok if I do things that hurt me but I don’t want to do things that can hurt my parents. They even told me they don’t want to know anything about my lifestyle in USA . I used to blaim my parents for not accepting me but as I grow up I learn that they just grow up in a different era. Madd wants me to be fully open about our relationship to my family but I told him many times it will destroy my family and it will hurt my parents a lot. I just confused if he love me why he wants me to do something that could destroy my relationship with my family. Eventoughy family didn’t accept that I’m gay but I’m still very close to my family and I don’t want to do that . 2. After hearing his story and his concern about long distance relationship I decided to change my life plan because I love him so much eventough I’m sacrificing a lot of things in my life including my future And I believe my sacrifice is worth because he is wonderful person. I decided to switch my plan by living 50/50 to 80/20 which mean I will live mostly in USA and come home once in a while . I told h just give me 2 months every year to see my family and take care somethings . The problem is he don’t want that either . He think if it’s not 100 percent it’s mean I don’t want to live fully with him . He keep mentioning how he wants to be with someone that live with him 100 percent . But my situation is verry difficult because all of my family and business is in Indonesia. And he always blaiming me why I didn’t tell him about my situation on the first place because he definitely won’t agree with it. I apologize multiple time , I know I’m wrong but I try to explain to him the reason why I can’t be open 100 percent with him . I had a really horrible past in trusting people and end up getting hurt most of the time . I beg for his forgiveness but it seems like he never move on . Theron issue here There is a lot of thing in my life that I cahange because I love him so much , I’m not a perfect person I make mistake too but I always learn from my mistake and becoming a better person every single day. Everything that he want me to change I did it for him . But why he can’t love me the way I love him , he still insist that I have to live full time with him and he won’t accept if I go back for 2 months in a year to see my family because he thinks it’s not a full time relationship . Guys I give up so much thing in my life for him , I wasn’t supposed to stay in los angles now and I ditch my work back home for him too . I loose around 6000 USd per month for staying with him and do nothing at his house and i don’t care at all about that. Me going back home it’s not about money at all I just want to see my family . I actually don’t want to mention about my sacrifice that I make for our relationship because I don’t like to brag about things that I do for the person I love , but sometimes when we argue about things thing I really want him to know the pressure that I got because he keep blaiming me for not telling him my situation erlier. That’s the another problem he think I’m ashame because I don’t want to bring him to my family . I told him multiple time it’s not that I ashame but it’s just my parents will have a hearth attack probably if they find out about him . Especially back in 2012 when my first ex black mailing my parents they also extremely traumatized for old gay guy using me . He is a verry loving and loyal and kind but I’m just really sad because of his past experience he couldn’t accept my situation. I really love him guys what should I do Please help me He just want everything planned the way he wants but I told him when you’re in relationship 2 people become one which mean we both need to understand and work things together because every single human in this world have their own life experience .
  22. So I have this friend, I've posted about her before, we have not been friends that long but we've become super close - she is the girl who is dating a much older man, there was tons of drama at first, and they broke up, but they got back together and are VERY happy and in love now. So now to my issue and I myself feel I am being very judgmental but I DON'T want to be!! Some of you know my issues with weight in the past, and my obsessive quest to remain thin. I had an eating disorder many years ago, it goes back to my mom (not blaming her, but my issues are related to her obsessive need to be thin and to keep ME thin)! Anyway, I still struggle with it, although not as bad, but I still probably have a rather unhealthy attitude about weight if I'm honest. So, back to my friend. Within the past few weeks, she has gained a TON of weight. I would say around 25 pounds on a 5'3" frame. Which would not be so bad except she has not bought new clothes so her clothes are way too tight, she literally busts out of her blouses (buttons look like they're gonna pop), she has broken zippers, her belly spills out way over her pants and she literally looks like she's eight months pregnant! I kid you not. She is definitely not pregnant we just had a discussion about birth control and she has admitted she wants no more kids, she has one already. At first I was super worried cause gaining so much weight, especially in her tummy, I just didn't think was normal OR healthy. I addressed it very sensitively and she assured me when she gains weight, most of it goes to her tummy so she assured me she was fine. So that's all good, whew! But to the eating, extremely unhealthy foods and LOTS of it, literally all day long. I spent a day with her last week and I was shocked at how much she ate in one day -- ALL unhealthy, burritos, fast food, chips, cookies, pizza, Mexican, you name it! She is always telling me how fat she is (she uses that word) but it doesn't appear she wants to do anything about it, she says her bf loves her body as is (which is fabulous, truly!) but at the rate she's going, the way she eats and with most of her weight going to her tummy, I don't know how to make her understand how serious an issue it is, health wise! I also want to tell her how bad it looks appearance wise, but never would. As for her busting out of all her clothes, she got super pissed off at her employer cause they called her in last week and told her she needs to dress more professionally and wear outfits that fit the image of the company. She has worked there for years and this is the first time addressing it so my guess it it does have something to do with her weight gain and how she busts out of all her clothes. Guys, am I being too harsh and judgmental here? As background, I had a another friend who gained about 30 pounds a few years back but she still looked beautiful, wore tasteful clothes and ate healthy, just more than usual (her now-husband and she like to dine out a lot) which is why she gained. But this situation is different, I don't know I think I need a good kick in the butt to get me out of this overly-judgmental state, which I am OWNING, and I don't like feeling this way!!
  23. TL:DR - my brother is behaving passive aggressively after I withdrew when he told me he was cheating on his wife. I was going through a rough patch for a while and my stepbrother gave me some assistance and let me stay in his family home for a while. I was a mess, but I picked myself up, and moved out. He was practically caring but he's never really been emotionally available. Then he comes to stay with me one weekend and he's freaking out because he says his partner is going crazy on him and thinks he's having an affair. I talk with him all weekend and then they decide to get marriage counselling. then I hear that he has decided not to go, but she has continued with the therapy. then a month later he drunkenly lets slip that she isn't crazy at all, and he is actually having an affair! I'm shocked and don't know how to respond. He is allowing someone to have mental health care rather than admit he is lying to them. I am avoidant, and so I backed off and tried to separate a little, but it just made it worse. I didn't answer a few texts, said my phone was broken. Because it was just too overwhelming to deal with, and I was trying to get my life in order. Well..... that seems to have hit a nerve, because now the last six months he has got really passive aggressive, and now every time we speak he says, "get back to you in a couple of days" and then a few weeks later he texts me "every ok with you?" It's been going on for months. I haven't been direct, but I don't know what to say. He's much older than me, he's really helped me out. But then this thing he did seemed so dark that it really shook me, and now I'm stuck in this weird passive aggressive power and control game that makes no sense. I have no faith that he will be able to talk honestly and openly. I just want to set a clear boundary and get some distance so he will just stop texting me "are you ok" after terrorising me, but I have no idea what to say when the passive aggression is so sneaky and confusing.
  24. Okay, so I’ve known this guy for 3 years and we basically had a one night stand when we went on a night out a few weeks ago. There is a 10 year age gap.. he’s 31 and I’m 21. After it had happened, we were cool about it, I didn’t rush off in the morning we just chatted in bed until i wanted to go home. The next night, he asked if I wanted to go round again, which I Ageed to, and yes we had sex again. I had just come out of a toxic relationship and he was single and free so we decided to have a friends with benefits agreement because it was so fun! It starts to get dodgy though.. because every night for the past week he has asked if I wanted to go over, which I have but we don’t always have sex, sometimes we just sit in the living room and chill together. He told me he enjoys my company and he’s even asked me if I wanted to go Nando’s and drink in town at a few bars. We’ve been out drinking after the ordeal and it’s been great! He’s not bothered about anyone knowing about us or seeing us out together and he hasn’t been talking to other girls whilst talking to me. This is why baffles me though, because he is known to be a bit of a player, hasn’t settled for anyone for 4 years. I legit expected him to just talk to other girls whilst we out but he didn’t, all his attention was on me. He also told the mother of his kid that I was round his house, which seems weird to me because why would she need to know if I was just a fwb with him? However, he’s a texter and he’s started to take ages to reply, and he just doesn’t seem to be as eager anymore? I’ve been told that I’m just overthinking about that part though. Do you think he may like me more than just sex? And I can’t talk to him about it, feels like it’s just too soon.
  25. I have been with my GF for over 2 years now. We’re both on our early 20’s. Everything is perfect, she is the most amazing, caring and beautiful person I have ever met - the person I ultimately want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. Recently however, I have been having doubts; not about the relationship in general about me, how I have never experienced anyone or any other relationship. This is my first relationship (and first love) so how do I know it’s right? I absolutely adore her and would do anything for her but I can’t stop these thoughts. She is my first proper sexual partner, I have had a couple of drunk one night stands before her but never anything serious / a relationship. She has been in a longterm relationship before me which also causes me to doubt. I feel terrible and guilty that I cant stop thinking, is the grass greener on the other side of the fence? These feeling we’re mostly brought on by a drunk conversation with someone much older than me (late 50’s) and much more life experiences about how I always spend all my time with her and that I don’t reallt spend time with friends or other females. He was basically saying I don’t want to end up being board of each other in my mid 40’s like some of his friends. But by that time life has almost passed you by, you’re not young anymore and have got lots of responsibilities and possibly a family. You’ve long gone by the times of going out, getting drunk and meeting new people like you did when you were younger (early 20’s like me) - getting to know new people and having new experiences with other people. But now I’m scared of letting the best person in my life go and never being able to get her back or things being the same again and then regretting the decision for the rest of my life - i.e. the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. I’m extremely confused and don’t have a clue what to do.
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