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  1. SORT OF MINI UPDATE / REQUEST FOR MORE HELP Okay so no letter yet, but last night she sent me another message saying she will write and send the letter by the end of the week once she's done an essay. So my question is as simple as this: how could I reply and keep my not-just-a-friend attitude apparent in it? She was originally planning to come visit (there's a band playing down the road that she likes) in a week and a half so I will ask her if she's still planning to do that, but I'm sure I can write in a certain way that would be better than just asking. Does the fact that I have a new double bed factor into any possible response? Hahaha. Jesus, I seriously need more practice at this
  2. I said almost exactly what Scout suggested. Just bluntly implied that what she said was silly because I'd go out with her in a second.
  3. UPDATE I got a reply from her a few days ago. It said she wanted to let me know she was feeling much better (she didn't say why, i.e. that it was because she'd sorted things out with this guy, or because of what I said or whatever) and that she was going to send me a letter soon. She said she'd send one even sooner if I gave a her a gift (not a literal gift, a thing on facebook that's fairly stupid but it could mean something, haha I don't know). So yeah. I'll get the letter soon hopefully and I think that'll tell me whether I should invest anymore time in quasi-pursuing this girl.
  4. My ex and I broke up just over six months ago, and long story short we cut all contact two months ago and that's how I intend things to stay. She cheated on me, if it makes any difference to anything. We live fairly far apart, about an hour and a half by train. So it's not like I have any chance of bumping into her. However, her home town has made its impression on my memory. It's a very well known town in England and I haven't been there since August (when we broke up). Last month, I had to go to a nearby city to set up a job abroad. Strangely enough, the building I had to go to was on a street I used to walk down everytime I visited my ex and it was the one particular building I always wanted to go in. When I was there, I found myself wanting to go back to her hometown (I was literally 3/4 of the journey there). I didn't though. In a week or two, I have to go back to the same place. And I feel like I should go back to her hometown this time. I'm not entirely sure why. I'm leaving the country in just under three months and I want to leave without regrets or outstanding problems, and I guess maybe I feel like going back there - even for just an hour or two - will help me "come to terms" with things, for lack of a better term. Just to see the old spots, give the place a final memory in my mind. I don't want to see her, if I do I'll get out of there quickly, but the chances are very low. I would be with my friend too, who has never been there. So what do people think of this?
  5. My girlfriend cheated on me six months ago and we split up. After some time for NC, healing and attempted reconciliation, we cut all contact. A month after that, she came back to me as the girl I fell in love with, not the monster she was over the summer - for a couple of days. We cut contact again, that was two months ago. Before she got in touch again, I fell out of love with her and was doing fine. After we cut contact for the second time, I went through that process again (sort of). But for the last few days, I've been feeling incredibly sad again, crying etc. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because last week it was exactly six months since everything went wrong, and it would've been our two year anniversary (we split up on our 18 month anniversary). It doesn't seem like that though. In three months, I leave the country. And I've got this strange urge to make contact with her, even if it's just one sided and not wanting a reply. I don't know why or what good it would do. I'm just so confused these past few days and I don't know why. Anybody else ever have random days like this? Or maybe I never truly got entirely over her and I'm going through the motions now? Any ideas? These past few days have been so hard, even though I've been keeping busy. It seems so random that I should feel this way now.
  6. I live in Cambridge, it's pretty much the perfect place to visit for a few days then leave for green pastures. I'm sure you'll have fun.
  7. Woah don't think I've ever had so many replies! Thanks to everyone. In regard to Scout's comment: it's not fear that keeps stopping me. I'm very mathematical and quite a perfectionist in everything I do, which is terrible for relationships and making moves. I always decide that if I make a move, it has to be perfect, and if it can't be perfect then I don't do it. Throw in the other factors here (that we live quite far apart, rarely see each other, been friends for so long etc) then this particular situation is even more difficult to fit the "perfect" model of things in my mind. It's an annoying way of thinking and acting despite my attempts to change. But, that said, I think what's been suggested here is perfect. So I'll send my reply and maybe something will come of it - even if it's just a reaction. Thanks very much to everyone!
  8. See I thought that at first, but that's what led me to thinking like this. Isn't that exactly what she wants? To hear from her friend, "you are attractive, don't let this guy get you down" blah blah blah?
  9. So the girl I have a thing for (and have known for a decade) send me an email earlier. It was general chitchat stuff, and a while ago I asked her why she was posting cryptic messages and stuff on facebook. She explained in the email: she went on a date with a guy she likes, and she doesn't think he feels the same and she feels unattractive and unloved. So it looks like I'm stuck as the friend she tells her problems too. I think I've missed my chance by a mile. It's okay, I don't mind. There's a couple of other girls I can focus on. But I don't want to be the "friend" in my reply to this. I want to be a man in my reply. If anybody can understand what I'm talking about, any suggestions as to what I can put in my reply that will make me seem more like a "guy" and less like a friend?
  10. This is what we kinda figured; it could mean something, it could mean nothing. What if they pick up on the things ONLY YOU say? I guess that would be a much better indicator.
  11. What if someone uses the phrases even when you're not about? In my case, there was a girl that thought something I said completely in passing was hilarious. So much so that a month later, a whole bunch of people she had gone to visit abroad were using it and started a Facebook group related entirely to this singular word. I'm in my early twenties, by the way.
  12. My friends and I were talking earlier and we picked up on something that none of us knew the answer too. All of us are fairly inventive with language and like to make up terms for things, either actively or subconsciously. We've all known girls that have picked up on these phrases and used them themselves. These are the sort of things that guy friends wouldn't use too often, for fear of being branded a copycat or whatever. So if a girl picks up on things you say and starts using them herself - even if they're fleeting and have no real value other than being found funny by the girl - is there something that can be read into? Could it be used as a way of saying, "I like you"? Just so you know, none of us ever even attempted to get anywhere with any of these girls.
  13. How much should knowing that someone likes other people affect asking out that particular person? A girl I have very strong feelings for likes a couple of other guys. There's signs she likes me, and signs she wants to stay friends. She didn't mention these guys in front of me, it was always her friends that brought them up. Obviously, this puts me off. Validly so? Not sure. That's why I'm posting here. Haha.
  14. So it's been six months since me and her broke up. We split on our 18 month anniversary so it's also been two years since we met and got together. I feel like I should've healed more than I have. Maybe that's because although it's been six months since we broke up, it took another three months to cut contact. Then a month and a half later, she got back in contact, everything had changed, and we tried again. After just two days she decided that all her feelings were actually wrong or whatever story it was she fed me. I don't love her anymore, I don't want to be with her anymore, I recognise how harmful she was for me, and I know that her traits and characteristics would stop me from even being friends with anyone similar. But holy crap sometimes I miss her. So much. Maybe I'm only feeling like this because of how things are now. I'm nearly done with university and I don't know exactly what's happening after that. I have strong feelings for someone - which is good - but unfortunately she's been a friend for ten years so that's all difficult. In three months time, I'm going abroad for four months so even if I were to decide to take a chance with the friend, it might not be worth it. I'm sure the four months abroad will be the best time of my life and when I get back I won't care about any of this, but until then, I'm kinda stuck. I know everyone's different, but is it okay to be feeling like this after six months?
  15. Let's say you have feelings for someone, but because of various factors (been friends for a long time, living an hour or two apart etc) you decide not to do anything about it. You don't see each other too much anyway, but you occasionally send each other stuff in the mail. So then let's say one day you receive mail from this person. And as part of their letter, they mention that they have feelings for you - although their tone is apologetic, i.e. "sorry for ruining the friendship". What would you do? Call them up right away and tell them you feel the same? Write a letter back telling them you feel the same? Perhaps deny ever receiving the letter and then when you next see them in person (which could be a month away) with your new found knowledge make a move? Any ideas?
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