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About Me

  1. We met a year and a half ago at work. We pretty much immediately started hanging out as we had the same circle of friends. We then started sleeping together. Neither Of us was wanting anything serious it was purely casual. We both had recently gotten out of long-term relationships. We have created a strong bond between us and I consider him a good friend. To the point where when we both needed a new place to live we decided that we would move in together to help each other. (Que the alarm) it was originally going to be three of us in the apartment. Him and I and one of his friends. That is not what happened. We ended up getting a two bedroom just me and him. We have had numerous discussions on how we both wanna keep it professional if we will be living together. I completely agreed not knowing How i really felt at that time. Easy peezy lemon squeezy right? The sexual relationship ended a few months before we moved in together. Since moving in at the end of January (so not that long); there of been some extremely awkward and sexual tension related moments. Which I completely ignored knowing full well that this could end badly. I know I’m not crazy, I know he felt it too. He can be extremely flirtatious at times and I get mixed readings on certain situations. Anyways cut to tonight where he brings a girl over to the new place. they are all ***ing over each other immediately in front of me. That’s when it hit me. I tried to act super casual and nice to the girl. I’m literally sitting on the couch and they’re all ***ing over each other next to me. He would kiss her and look at me. *** is that? I felt like a ***ing idiot. I got sick to my stomach, which is when I realized that I have feelings for him. She went to the bathroom and he was asking me how I felt about her. Asking me for advice?! ***! Then they went upstairs and I died inside. I know that I cannot say a word. He clearly does not see me as anything but a friend and roommate and that’s ok. I know that there is absolutely no way in hell I can ever tell him or anyone how I actually feel. It will ruin everything and we just moved in. So please don’t say break the lease cause that’s not an option. I know I need to just move on and push these feelings away. Idk why he is asking me for advice and this ain’t the first time he’s done that either.
  2. Hiya all! I'd just like to thank everyone who replied to me last time about this issue, and a big THANK YOU in advance to anyone who takes a few minutes to say a few words here. I wouldn't post this unless I was going out of my mind, so I really appreciate any and all opinions! I live with my boyfriend and a male roommate. We've been living together, the three of us, since last July. Things have gotten to be pretty bad for me, and I know that I have to stick it out until this July when our lease is up, and he moves in with his girlfriend. Both myself and my boyfriend have made several attempts at being diplomatic with *Jack, but he is the type of guy who will always turn things around on you, get very defensive no matter how objective and positive you try to be about matters, or will completely deny that he is doing anything wrong. I feel like I am up against a brick wall with him, and am not sure how to endure the next several months living with him. Here are some of the things that I am finding it almost impossible to live with: - He has a dog, and assumes that we will take care of her whenever he is gone. He will leave us *a note* saying that he will be gone to stay with his girlfriend for a day or two, and say something like "can you guys feed and walk the dog at these times, for this long, etc.". He has been gone for up to 10 days, we've taken care of her and he rarely says "thank you". We love his dog to death, but what bothers me is that he never says a simple "thank you" and always just seems to expect that we exist to take care of her. I resent this. Sorry this is so long ... please bare with me! - He is unbelievably selfish. We buy all of the cleaning products, toilet paper/ paper towel, dishes, small appliances, computer accessories like paper and ink and software, decorative items, etc. This doesn't even bother me. What does bother me A LOT, is that he does buy things like this, but hoards them in his bedroom and only uses them for his own personal use. He has destroyed my set of pots and pans by scratching the teflon with steel spoons/ forks, yet has purchased a new set that he also hoards to himself in his bedroom. - He goes BALLISTIC if we go in his room when he's not here, even though the only reason we do go in there is to retrieve dirty dishes or grab something else that belongs to us. Yet, it's "okay" for him and his friends to come into our room, use our computers (including paper and ink which doesn't come cheap). - He takes/ uses whatever he wants from us (food, bathroom toilettries, condiments, stationary, alcohol, clothes, towels, etc.), which we NEVER complain about, yet even if we borrow a piece of bread or use some of his mustard, he will complain to no end about it. This is the worst part: He instigates regular arguments with me for absolutely no reason other than to get ATTENTION.. He will usually pick a subject that he knows I am passionate about, and attack it. My boyfriend has even said that he is tired of dealing with *Jack. But we are all tied into a lease together until July. I've accepted this. Now I am wondering how to keep my sanity until July. I hate to admit this, but I have absolutely no respect left for Jack, to the point that when I hear his key in the door, I feel on-edge and alienated. At this point, I feel the only way to deal with him is to play with him on his level; which means separating his kitchen items (a measuring cup and some cheap cutlery) from ours (everything else), as well as labelling everything in the fridge, keeping towels and toilet paper in our bedroom and requesting that he only use his own, as well as removing his privileges to use the printer and locking up our CD-Rs/ DVD-Rs (he uses these liberally as well without asking or replacing them). I know how immature this is, but I can't live with him anymore on his terms, and my boyfriend has done everything but beg me not to move out. Keep in mind that "talking" to him does not work. He always gets very defensive and storms out of the room or tries to switch the blame over to us. I'm worried that, one of these days, I am going to explode on him if I don't deal with this in some other way. The "last straw" for me was coming home last night, to find that he and his friends had drank a bottle of Cuban rum and broken one of my crystal champagne glases that I specifically requested that he NOT USE (sentimental value). I guess I am just tired of feeling like I have to "be nice" all the time when he just walks all over me. What would you do?
  3. So my b/f goes out once in a while, it's not as if I'm jealous because he's out too much, but that's the way he looks at it. When I talk to him and he's going out to some party or to the bar with his friends i NEVER give him a hard time. He starts off deffensive when he's going out, as if he already knows I'm going to be mad. I don't get mad though, I just worry when he says he'll call me and he doesn't. Or when he says he's going out with his roommate and I call his house the next day and his roommate says he doesn't know when he is. All of his friends have been in jail, have warrents, deal drugs and I worry about what hes getting into. Last night he said he was coming over after he got out of the bar. I didn't even bother waiting up for him because I knew he wasn't coming. I woke up in a panic. He KNOWS i'm a nervous person and he KNOWS that I worry, but he takes it in a sense that i want to control him and know his every action. I just want to know he's alright and he's not in trouble. He never wants to do anything with me. we've been together for 1 1/2 years, and we've yet to go on vacation. He never has money and won't even conside saving 200 to go on a weekend trip with me. But if one of his friends wants to go to a casino, he has no problem saving 500 to go blow. i don't think he gives a [PROFANITY REMOVED BY MODERATOR] about me and i dont know what to do. I talked to him and he says he'll call me back in a few minutes. a few hours had gone by and i don't know why i'm still waiting by the phone
  4. ok, so to make a long story short...i broke up with my ex b/f of 5 years, 9 moths ago...we were each others first loves...everytime we've talked he's contacted me...we had a big blow-out in july b/c he was trying to make me jealous about his new g/f and we haven't talked since then...so recently he IMed me to say he has a few dreams about me and wanted to know if i was ok, which is bs b/c he talkes to my roommate everyday online so he knows i'm ok OK, so here's the CRAZY part...he's in a frat now and he crossed into it on halloween, he told me about it, but i didn't go b/c his g/f does to his school and i didn't want to put myself in that position (our schools r only 15 min away from each other)...anyway, the same frat that he's in crossed at my school on tuesday so he was here...no big deal...so after the thing is over my friends go say hello to him and i'm standing there and he turns his back on me...later i approach him and hig him and tell him congrats, u know just being cordial...then my friends and i leave, so 10 min later he calls my roommate and asks her is we wanna come to his school and chill and she says no, so then he says can he two of his frat brothers come chill in our room and she says yes...keep in mind i haven't seen him since june and haven't talked to him since july...my roommate taped his frat crossing so we watched that...and there is this part on the tape where some girls in the background call him his g/f's name, and of course evryone heard it but he took it upon himself to repeat it TWICE, then at the end of the tape, he says "i made up this song but ya'll don't wanna hear it"..the he sings is anyway and it goes along to the beat of usher's confessions " everytime i was something, i was missing my girlfriend, everytime she called i told her baby i'm pledging..." I was so mad that he would be in MY ROOM disrespecting me like that....so he left and i e-mailed him and let him know that i didn't appreciate the disrespect and i can't believe he would do that and that i can't believe our friendship ended up like this...and that is he wanted to make me jealous he would have to do better (implying that his g/f is not cute, but i didn't outright say it)..i basically let him have it which may have not been the most mature thing, but i felt disrespected...so he e-mailed me back saying he wasn't worried about me and he wasn't trying to make me jealous and that he kinda forgot i was in the room and that iw asn't paying him any attention anyway so i shouldn't have been listening...and i'm like its MY ROOM...then he's like, "if u wanted to be my friend u should have come to my frat crossing b/c its the most important thing i've ever done in my life, and because u didn't u ruined any chance of us being friends" (again: we haven't talked since JULY not to meantion him telling me he knew who his true friends were and our friendship was in the past)...and then he was like "i wasn't trying to make u jealous b/c its obvious u never really cared about me anyway" which is RIDICULOUS, everyone knows how much i loved him and he knows it too...and he says i'm ruining his friendshipship with my roommate which is not true...and he only became so close to her this semester, he didn't try to talk to her all summer...i guess talking to her is his way of finding out about me too...so basically the argument ended angrily i guess i just want to know what his problem is and why would he try to hurt me like that...i have never felt so disrepected in my life...if he's so in love and so happy, what good does it to do torment me in the process especially because the break-up was his fault NOT mine...can anyone offer any insight...it would be greatly appreciated.
  5. At the beginning of the school year (september) I met this guy through my roommate. We talked and at around three in the morning I went back to his place to see pictures. He kind of made a move (invited me to sit on the "hook up" futon with him) but I liked him and didn't want to ruin it right away so I backed off. We hung out for a while longer, and then he walked me home. That friday I saw him again, but I was extremely drunk and blacked out, and apparently I was mean to him. We havn't really seen each other since. I felt really stupid about it, but a lot of time has passed. Anyway, I kind of figured my chance was him was over and moved on. However, he's graduating soon and we have about a month left of school. He knocked on my door about a week ago "just to say hi" as his food was heating up (I'm right by the microwave). I thought that maybe he just wanted to say hi to my roommate, but I mentioned she was at the library and he acted like it didn't matter. Plus, she has a boyfriend. Anyhow we had a good convsersation. I saw him again when he was playing poker one night with friends, but didn't want to talk to him because he was with a group of guys and I was in a towel on my way back from the shower. This morning, he was eating alone at brunch but I didn't realize it until I was sitting all the way accross the cafeteria. Anyway, I'm not sure if I should make the next move. It seems pretty bold of him to just knock to say hi. I'd like to let him do the pursuing. But I still want him to know i'm interested. Any ideas on how to let him know I'd like to get to know him better? He's graduating this year, but we live kind of close to each other.
  6. My roommates just won't go to sleep. I am getting irritated so I wrote a poem. The Price of Sleep Have I ever valued sleep This damned much. All around me just don't see The darkness, at the same hour. They see the light of each night And the dark of each day. I like to stay relevant With the sky, What the world has set for us. So let me rest now Or the sky will tell A story Untold, That I am not willing to see Or hear.
  7. I really need advice on this one. I began dating this man who is an absolute sweetheart: charming, funny, sweet, nuturing, the whole nine yards. My concern is his drinking. Evertime we go out it seems like he has to have a drink. Just recently, we were at my house and it was 2pm and he wanted a glass of wine! He noticed that I didn't like it and only poured himself a little more than a swallow. Later that evening we went to a play and he ordered a beer. Other examples include a dinner I made for him and my roommates. He brought the wine and downed two glasses like it was water. We went to dinner last night with his brother and his girlfriend, and he was the only one that ordered alcohol. Aside from these things, he will occasionally make jokes about people thinking he's an alcoholic because i won't order a drink when we go out. I have asked him straightout if he had issues with alcohol and he denied it, but not emphatically! He almost brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal. The last time we talked about it we were in a sushi restaurant where he ordered 2 glasses of plum wine all the while talking about how good the wine was and how he just had to have more. He told me that he knew I thought he was "some kind of lush" and sensing his anger, I denied it. But he was quite defensive. My concern is doubled because his father is an alcoholic, and what if this runs in the blood? He's never been violent, I've never not felt safe around him, but I worry. Am I being paranoid or do I have reason to be concerned...please help.
  8. Should I be roomies with a guy friend I have loved for years, who currently views me in sisterly terms? How can I deal with him bringing another girl over? Who has done something like this successfully? And is there a chance he'll change his mind, and we will fall in love!? I'm such a fool for him!
  9. This is a very long and complicated story. I'm a twenty-two-year-old female. I have been living with the same girl for almost a year and a half. When we first started living together, we were really good friends, and we still are. She had a girlfriend of about a year and a half and I was in just getting out of a realtionship with a guy I'd been with for almost as long. About a year ago, two or three months after we started living together, I started feeling really attracted to her. Her girlfriend was really long distance, like accross an ocean, and they were having problems anyway, and we eventually ended up sleeping together. Regularly. This was probably a bad idea, since she was still in love with her girlfriend and didn't want to end things with her. She did end up telling her girlfriend what was going on, but they stayed together and we didn't stop sleeping together, although we tried several times. Well, a few months later her girlfriend came to visit on a six month visa. She stayed at our place for three of the months, which were awful beyond words, and the other three in Arizona, which is where my roommate's family is from. My roommate says she is incredibly attracted to me and can't control herself when I'm around. We didn't do anything most of the time her girlfriend was here, but right before they left for Arizona we slept together (which I'm using as a euphimism) a few times. Now, my roommate is back and she and her girlfriend decided that things aren't really working out right now, which is what I've been waiting for for almost a year now. But even though we're still sleeping together almost every night, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. I have a lot of questions about this situation. 1. Do you think she's just using me for the sex (which she says is the best she's ever had with anyone, and since she's only been with three other girls, I'm inclined to believe her)? 2. Do you think she might eventually want to be with me, but is just taking some time to get over her ex, or is she just waiting for someone better than me to come along? 3. She says she's still in love with her ex. Will that go away by itself or does she have to make a conscious effort to turn off those feelings? Because she thinks she can't be in love with two people at the same time, so until she's over her, I'm basically screwed. Hopefully, this has sort of made sense. And if I need to clarify something, please ask because I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. Thanks.
  10. Hello, I could really use some advice right now. I'm sorry if I'm posting this is the wrong place, I'm a first time user. I guess I'll post some background info. Chris and I have been going out for almost 3 years. We have lived together along with a mutual best friend. The last 5-6 months haven't been great for Chris and I. We just weren't connecting. On one drunk night out with my roommate, we kissed. But stopped because we realized what we were doing. Although we had disussed going our own ways, nothing was certain yet. When he sensed that something was up. He left me. I lied to him about it and its something I'm not proud of. About a couple weeks later my roommate and I slept together. I confessed to Chris who now wants nothing to do with either of us. I can understand this... But now I've been thinking, and dispite all the hurtful stuff he has said to me. I want him back in my life. I've come to terms with a lot of issues I've had and all I want to do is show him that I can be that perfect girlfriedn he thought I was. My roommate and I discussed things and nothing is going on we're just friends. However chris doesn't believe this although I tired to tell him. Sorry for my rambling, but I'm at a loss. I screwed up a very meaningful relationship. what do you thing? thanks to everyone
  11. Ok here is what is going on I was about to ask out a girl that I like and that I beleve she likes me too. So I get the nerve to ask her out after alittle flurting and as I am going to ask her out mu roommates show up at work and right there I lost all nerve I meen it drives me insane Why did I louse my nerve when my roommates showed up? What kills me that I wont see her until next week. Why Why Why am I like that around my roommates?................. Well thanks for reading this just had to do something to vent. Help would be nice on how I should try to get over this problem.
  12. Okay this is just freaking me out. I've posted several times about my ex-girlfriend on these forums and I'm still struggling to get over it. One of the common themes between me and my 3 roommates and my best friend is we have all heard the line "I don't deserve you" or a variant of this line. All five us have had our relationships go sour, all five us have been rejected and/or dumped. Okay so I'm like mega bleak right now about everything. This makes me being tired of being the 'nice guy.' See, the thing is I thought a girl wanted a nice guy who was internally strong and independent (not needy), what the hell? Was I wrong about this? I just may as well give up on relationships, I mean seriously what the blankety blank?
  13. Hey all! If you remember...i was needing advice on sending a poem to my former roommate...here is the link if you need to take a look again: link removed I talked to Mike (my former roommate) and pretended it was some other guy i liked...and so i got some input on how to send it to Mike. Mike, not knowing i was sending it to him. So here's hopin he feels the same way back! Please hope he likes me back! Thx all for you advice! *hugs* -jitrenda
  14. Hey there! I am a female and my roommate is male. Well...here's the thing....i am moving tmrw into a place of my own. My roommate offered to help me...then he decided he wouldn't....he will be home when i move...he just won't help all of the sudden. I find that a bit odd. He and i have never done anything together, we have just existed in the same apartment...we say hi and ask each other how their day was...and maybe some small talk. That's it...we are totally uninvolved in each other's lives..and neither of us are home usually. And then today was the last time i would see him, since he wouldn't be helping me move. I said to him, "this will probably be the last time i see you." And he replied "nah, it won't." and he kept saying, "this won't be the last time you see me." He seemed so sure. He hugged me twice before i left to go home (i was visiting him at work) and he hugged me like he never wanted to let me go, he hugged me that tight. I wonder, do you think he likes me? Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you so much! -FaithDevlin
  15. Well all... Here's another update. sorry all. But thx for reading and still listenin. I really appreciate it. Still stressin...but for different reason...read on. I am still stressin. The guy (my former roommate) i gave to poem to, i am going to leave him alone and let him contact me, if he so chooses. I called my former landlord today. (His landlord). I have some stuff still at my former roommate's place. I am wanting to give it to charity...but i cannot get out there (the place is the next town over), so i called my former landlord to get rid of it for me, because i am giving the guy i like space. Luckily my former landlord did not mind disposing of the stuff for me. And my former roommate is not talking to me since he received the poem. So i asked my former landlord, if he could please arrange it so he could give my stuff to charity. I had to leave the message on his answering machine, but no worries. As you all know i called my former roommate up and asked him if anyone called for me. Well, on his website he posts entries. The August 30, 2003 entry is how i knew someone called for me, b/c he posted it on his website. And then i look this mornin and that entry is not there anymore....he deleted it. And he doesn't have today's entry.... What does it mean? Seriously stressin....any ideas/suggestions/advice?? Please let me know. Thank you for your time and advice! *hugs* -jitrenda
  16. Three days ago my wife of three years (been together 7) announced that we should separate. (We communicate quite well and the relationship has never been abusive.) In sorting out my thoughts and emotions I think she may be right. We are best friends but have grown complacent. One main problem is that we don't have sex very often and she really needs that connection to feel loved. We have gone to counselling and it worked temporarily but she feels that she is not in love with me, and possibly we have never been in love. She also mentioned that we feel that we should spend time together and this is making us codependent and not allowing us to grow as individuals. I agree with some of her points but am confused and hurt and am trying to figure out if I agree with separation. (I may not have much of a choice.) While sorting out my thoughts and emotions I realized that I haven't been showing appreciation for her and more recently she hasn't been showing appreciation for me. We have been living together like roommates (poor roommates at that). This sounds stupid but in the face of losing her I am wondering that if we start taking small steps of appreciation for each other and essentially begin dating again, will this grow back into being in love? And of course I wonder why we haven't been taking these steps all along. She wants to separate now while her feelings are clear and doesn't want to be lulled back into a complacent relationship. And I feel that I am ready now to start being attentive to her needs. (I can't believe how pathetic I feel in realizing that we haven't been attentive) But if I start doing romantic things for her/with her now I don't know if I'm being truly honest with myself or if I am just scared of being alone. I also think that my wife will dismiss the attempts because she doesn't want to be brought back into the relationship if it isn't working. So, maybe after some time apart, when I can be 100% sure I love her and she can be sure that I am doing these things out of a sincere love for her we can get back together. But I think the key in being separated is, as much as I want to get back together with her, I can't wait on it or expect it. I basically have to assume that we won't get back together in order to allow myself to grow and that's where I'll find the strength to carry on or the strength to begin our relationship again. Does anyone have any comments? Has anybody been in a similar situation?
  17. My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years and now he's saying he doesn't know if he wants to live together past when the lease is over in December. He's not 100 per cent sure and might be willing to stay together as roommates. He wants us to just go through the summer and not really talk about it and just be "peaceful" but I keep wanting to talk about it. I don't know what to do. How do I keep a lid on my emotions. I know he's saying he wants out. I'm just in denial. I know that. It's just that I didn't see it coming. We were having arguments and stuff, but I thought that was natural to relationships. He just keeps saying now he might want to be alone. I'm so sad. Any advice would help.
  18. ok, this is confusing. One of my roommates has a friend. She is VERY attractive. She normally has payed our room a visit once a week for the past 6 months or so to chat with my roommate. Up until about 2 months ago, I never suspected that she may have been flirting with me. Well up until 2 months ago, she wasn't. Anyway, about 2 months ago when I would pass her around campus or so, she would smile at me and it wasn't just a "I'm friends with your roommate smile either" it seemed more like a flirtatious smile. But then again, I could be totally wrong. The weekly visits continued only this time she would start small talk with me while she was visiting my roommate. I recall cracking a joke here and there and making her laugh a couple of times but nothing extroardinarily funny. Then I noticed her being more friendly when she saw me and sometimes even surprised to see me like when I was playing my guitar one night and telling me to have a good night. This is nothing, but its minor clues adding to the investigation. Now it's at the point where when she sees me on the street, she says hi with a smile and some added emotion. The small talk is still there during her weekly visits and the touching of the arm has even occurred now which was the last visit but only once. Also, not to mention that she stopped me one time to say hi and ask how I was with a smile when I was a tad out of the way for her. The latest was she applied the teasing/joking tone with me when I made a casual joke. Anyway, I know this could be total horsecrap and a figment of my imagination (believe me when I say I am not head over heels for this girl but the physical attraction is there and it makes me ponder if there is something) but I am a confused 18 year old. Does she have an interest in me or not? It would be greatly appreciated if I could get a ladies' response here about the mind of an attractive young woman and advice on the current situation at hand. Thanks. -CJP
  19. Okay, about 3 weeks post BU and almost as long NC (well...direct NC). I'm hitting alllllll the stages - the highs of feeling like I'm okay, I'm taking the steps to grow my passions and work on understanding/bettering my own personal problems and role in relationships, and feel I can handle this grief process head on, and then all the other chaotic and sometimes conflicting emotions of denial, sadness, anger, compassion, distraction, and so forth come crashing in. So, so exhausting. Anyway, a common denominator is RUMINATING. I am a regular meditator and I STILL cannot stop obsessing over 'signs' of what may be going on on his end (even though I know that's not possible to really know). Questions that keep recurring, maybe someone could offer input so I can hear things from someone other than my dang own overthinking self: -If he is SO DONE with our relationship, why are our special shared household items with direct representation to our relationship still up? (photos, a vision board, memorabilia, etc, even the kind note I left him when he kicked my ass out). This is according to my roommate (where my NC falls short. I talked to her a few days ago). -My roommate also told me he is working 24/7 and won't speak a word to anyone about it. He just mopes around and keeps to himself. No socializing or anything. -Why isn't he feeling any freakin urgency to send my personal belongings that I left behind and kindly asked him to mail? He said "in a few weeks" he would. -I noticed our shared google albums, some with intimate photos of me, are still up and he hasn't blocked me from them. I just feel like in a previous situation where I dumped someone (under way different circumstances, it was friendly but I just didn't love him anymore whereas this dude broke up with me during an argument and proclaimed I was the love of his life in the same breath; that he wants time and space to close his heart down to me but also think about a future with me [whatever that conflicting message means]). Anyway, when I dumped someone, I immediately got rid of or hid everything that represented us and reminded me of him. My current ex was so cold and callous to me and treated me like I was nothing when he broke up with me, yet all our stuff is still surrounding him! And he is sleeping in my bed with all my furniture around him! What's the deal? It's been 3 weeks. Why hasn't he cleared it all out so he can sever the ties like he obviously wanted? Maybe any dumpers could give insight?
  20. Am I just being too sensitive? We all just moved in together and mind you, it is our roommate's birthday today. My boyfriend said he was going to call me back after work, but he never did. Lately, its been bothering me that he never calls me after he gets off like he use to. He now just goes straight home and he and our female roommate get off at the same time. I get off later so I usually come home to them hanging out. He forgot to call me back, didn't read any of my texts. He went straight home, gave her the wine for her birthday that we were going to give her together for her birthday, and they went surfing together. I came home early so we could maybe grab dinner together, but now I feel super left out and disregarded. I also have thats weird gross feeling in my stomach. Am I too sensitive?
  21. And he likes me... we’ve talked about wanting to date but he wants to respect my ex and not have an awkward living situation which I understand... I am wondering if it could be mitigated by being up front tho. My question is... do you think it would be a good idea if I went to my ex and told him I was interested in dating his roommate and wanted to know how he felt about that? I am willing to accept whatever answer he gives me... we have been apart for almost 3 years and he has a GF so there is no pining going on from his side. I guess I am wondering if asking is a good idea or if I should just let this go. His roommate is a really great guy and I have known him for a few years... they only just started being roommates this year, before that they didn’t know each other. It’s just that the roommate makes me have those butterflies you know? After all this time a switch flipped and I was like ooooohhh.... And I want to be respectful by not hiding or going behind my ex’s back.... maybe I am just in denial though and it’s a dumb idea and I need to let it go altogether. Thoughts?
  22. I recently broke up with my GF of ~5 years. We had had a long distance relationship for much of that time. A bit over a year ago we moved to the same state, though not the same city. I moved here largely at her urging -- I was just beginning graduate school, and I had been planning on going somewhere else, but she convinced me that we needed to be near each other. So I moved to be near her and she started giving me the cold shoulder as soon as I get here. I was not allowed to meet her friends, and within six months of moving here I get dumped. This is, to be honest, not really a surprise. Going into this I figured that the odds that we would still be together in a year were not good -- certainly less than 50/50-- but I had invested a lot in the relationship and I wanted to try. But I don't think that I have a problem with getting dumped per se. But I really feel ill-used at HOW she dumped me. We had plans for one weekend just before the breakup -- she was going to come down for the weekend. She did not show. I called her roommates and they both claimed to have not seen her in a couple of days. At this point I was completely freaking out -- I was convinced that she had been murdered or something terrible. (I found out later that she had asked her roommates to lie and say that they hadn't seen her if I called.) Four or five days later I get a call in the middle of the night (like seriously 3:00am --- I was sound asleep). She is calling from a pay phone in a city ~1000 miles away (the town where she went to college, and where her previous BF lives). She tells me that we are breaking up. She won't answer any questions. She won't let me talk about it. She says that she decided to do it over the phone because (direct quote) "I don't want to deal with some big ugly scene." So I am in need of a little perspective here, because I am in no position to be objective. Getting dumped sucks, and intellectually I know that the dumpee (me) ALWAYS thinks that the dumper (her) is the devil. But seriously even given that I feel like her behavior is terrible. After 5 years and moving halfway across the country at her request, I feel like I deserved a face-to-face breakup, or at least a few minutes to talk about it. So I honestly want to know what you all think. On a scale of 0 to 10 (0 meaning that I am being a total snowflake, 10 meaning she is a demon-spawn from Hell) how acceptable/bad is her behavior here? I really want your honest opinions here -- I won't lie, I am hoping for more 10's than 0's, but if I am being overly sensitive I really want to know. Thanks in advance for your replies.
  23. So, I have a friend who I love dearly, partially as a good friend and partially like a son. He's a really, really sweet guy who cares about others. But he's making some bad decisions and is constantly going back and forth about what he wants to do with his life. The going back and forth doesn't bother me much...he's doing pretty well in his current position so I don't see that as much of an issue even though he seems to change his mind every five minutes about what he wants to do with his life. It's his life path and whatever career he chooses or wherever he wants to live has no bearing on my life. What is more upsetting is his handling of his finances and how it affects him emotionally. Yes, I know how he handles his finances is absolutely none of my business...except he complains to me frequently. For example, I know he owes several hundred dollars to various agencies such as utilities, doctors, etc. He's struggling to make his house payment because he's relying on roommates to help with the payment and currently he has no roommates and is having no luck finding any except people who don't work and don't pay rent. He was complaining to me about 5 days ago that he was so broke he had no money to buy food because he'd spent several hundred dollars on electronics he didn't need but wanted. So, what did he do last night? He bought a new car! He messaged me with a pic, obviously either expecting or hoping that I'd get excited for him and congratulate him. I gave him a kind of lukewarm response along the lines of "nice car! The dogs will like riding in it!", but I couldn't bring myself to give him the response I think he was hoping for. He stopped messaging me after my tepid response. I mean...sorry, but that was a bad decision and how could I be excited when 5 days ago he was rummaging in his fridge searching for something to feed himself? He even said he hopes he's able to make the payments. He owes hundreds for bills, struggles to make his house payment, and I'm supposed to be happy he bought a new car??? I do feel guilty because I'm sure he's excited and was hoping I'd be happy for him, but gosh darn...I just think it would have been better to wait until some of his bills are paid. I think once the excitement wears off he will be stressed and anxious about making the payment...just like he was after he bought all those electronics. Again, yes, I know this is none of my business except he vents and complains to me so often about being broke (his word). I value our friendship and want to keep it, but I don't feel right encouraging him to do these things when he's done them before and gotten depressed and anxious when the bills come in and he doesn't have the money. I mean, should I just fake it and pretend I'm super duper excited? Or should I just keep doing what I did, give a kind of lame response because I don't feel right being dishonest to a friend I care about? I'm the kind of person who believes one should be honest with friends. I don't blow sunshine up peoples' butts if I think they're making a huge mistake. I don't lecture or act superior or give my opinion if it hasn't been asked for, and I've never used the words "I told you so!!" But aren't there are some people who would prefer you just act excited for them even if you think they're doing something they'll end up regretting? Thoughts?
  24. I'm really questioning whether or not to continue this friendship. He's been like my best friend for 25 years. We used to hang out every day. Things started getting different after we bought a house together (his idea). After only living together for 2 years, he suddenly tells me he is going to buy a house with another friend, this guy that he only knew for a few months. So it's been about 10 years since that guy came into his life, and we have still hung out, just not as much. I have noticed over the years that my friend doesn't seem to care what is happening in my life, he NEVER asks how things are going, whenever we hang out he just immediately starts in with telling me about his life. I do talk about my life when I get a chance, but 99% of the time it is a short conversation, if he has anything to say about it at all. Also he will NEVER do anything I suggest, he only wants to do things that he wants to do, even though the things I want to do are things he would do with his roommate when I'm not around. Since we have been friends our entire adult lives (and now we're in our 40's), we know each others parents. My mom is always asking me if he wants a thing she doesn't want anymore, or she sends him birthday and Christmas cards, that kinda thing. But my friend's parents never do the same for me, they DO do this stuff for my friend's roommate though. And I really don't think they are "together" like a couple, I could go into the reasons why I don't think that but it isn't relevant. Even if they were in a relationship, getting into a relationship doesn't make you treat your friends like crap. His roommate and I are friends too, we get along great. So the problem isn't his friend. Recently my friend did something really hurtful to me. We planned 3 camping trips to go on this summer. We both got out our calendars and picked the only dates that worked for both of us. A week later, he informs me that he changed the dates of all the trips, asking me if the new dates would work for me, knowing they wouldn't, because we already looked at our calendars the first time and he knew when I couldn't go! I said no I can't go on the new dates, so I guess I am just not going to be going camping this summer. So he and his roommate are going just them 2. Also, I quit my job 3 weeks ago, and I told him and he just said one word, "Nice!" and he knows I am sitting home doing nothing but he never asks me to hang out. He also sits on FB most of the day but never likes any of my posts, even when something major happens in my life. He should have some interest in my life after 25 years. I am tempted to just stop trying. What do you all think?
  25. My living situation with my roommate (that I actually share a room with) isn t exactly working out for me. She doesn't contribute anything to the household (i.e. kitchen supplies or bathroom supplies) but uses everything. First thing she said after moving in "Do we share kitchen supplies? Because I don't have any. Can I use yours?" It's not even like she just moved out of her parents' house; she has been living alone for 3 years now. She also skypes her friends for hours on end (like 4-5 hrs) very loudly in our room and doesn't care that she's being loud. Recently, I charged her December utilities recently and had to remind her twice before she told me that it's unfair that she has to pay full price because she went away for a couple weeks that month. Do I start counting the days or hrs that we stay in the apt to calculate utilities??! It's ridiculous because I'm usually gone for 4-5 days every weekend because i visit my parents or stay with my bf but still pay my fair share. Same thing with the other housemates who sometimes go away. And until now she still hasn't paid me for Dec or Jan utilities. I'd move out, but I'm the one on the lease, and she's subletting. Renters insurance, internet and basically utilities are also under my name. I don't know how to ask her to move out because she was introduced to me by a mutual friend and I'd have to deal with the friend too and I don't want there to be hard feelings.
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