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About Me

  1. We met a year and a half ago at work. We pretty much immediately started hanging out as we had the same circle of friends. We then started sleeping together. Neither Of us was wanting anything serious it was purely casual. We both had recently gotten out of long-term relationships. We have created a strong bond between us and I consider him a good friend. To the point where when we both needed a new place to live we decided that we would move in together to help each other. (Que the alarm) it was originally going to be three of us in the apartment. Him and I and one of his friends. That is not what happened. We ended up getting a two bedroom just me and him. We have had numerous discussions on how we both wanna keep it professional if we will be living together. I completely agreed not knowing How i really felt at that time. Easy peezy lemon squeezy right? The sexual relationship ended a few months before we moved in together. Since moving in at the end of January (so not that long); there of been some extremely awkward and sexual tension related moments. Which I completely ignored knowing full well that this could end badly. I know I’m not crazy, I know he felt it too. He can be extremely flirtatious at times and I get mixed readings on certain situations. Anyways cut to tonight where he brings a girl over to the new place. they are all ***ing over each other immediately in front of me. That’s when it hit me. I tried to act super casual and nice to the girl. I’m literally sitting on the couch and they’re all ***ing over each other next to me. He would kiss her and look at me. *** is that? I felt like a ***ing idiot. I got sick to my stomach, which is when I realized that I have feelings for him. She went to the bathroom and he was asking me how I felt about her. Asking me for advice?! ***! Then they went upstairs and I died inside. I know that I cannot say a word. He clearly does not see me as anything but a friend and roommate and that’s ok. I know that there is absolutely no way in hell I can ever tell him or anyone how I actually feel. It will ruin everything and we just moved in. So please don’t say break the lease cause that’s not an option. I know I need to just move on and push these feelings away. Idk why he is asking me for advice and this ain’t the first time he’s done that either.
  2. Okay, about 3 weeks post BU and almost as long NC (well...direct NC). I'm hitting alllllll the stages - the highs of feeling like I'm okay, I'm taking the steps to grow my passions and work on understanding/bettering my own personal problems and role in relationships, and feel I can handle this grief process head on, and then all the other chaotic and sometimes conflicting emotions of denial, sadness, anger, compassion, distraction, and so forth come crashing in. So, so exhausting. Anyway, a common denominator is RUMINATING. I am a regular meditator and I STILL cannot stop obsessing over 'signs' of what may be going on on his end (even though I know that's not possible to really know). Questions that keep recurring, maybe someone could offer input so I can hear things from someone other than my dang own overthinking self: -If he is SO DONE with our relationship, why are our special shared household items with direct representation to our relationship still up? (photos, a vision board, memorabilia, etc, even the kind note I left him when he kicked my ass out). This is according to my roommate (where my NC falls short. I talked to her a few days ago). -My roommate also told me he is working 24/7 and won't speak a word to anyone about it. He just mopes around and keeps to himself. No socializing or anything. -Why isn't he feeling any freakin urgency to send my personal belongings that I left behind and kindly asked him to mail? He said "in a few weeks" he would. -I noticed our shared google albums, some with intimate photos of me, are still up and he hasn't blocked me from them. I just feel like in a previous situation where I dumped someone (under way different circumstances, it was friendly but I just didn't love him anymore whereas this dude broke up with me during an argument and proclaimed I was the love of his life in the same breath; that he wants time and space to close his heart down to me but also think about a future with me [whatever that conflicting message means]). Anyway, when I dumped someone, I immediately got rid of or hid everything that represented us and reminded me of him. My current ex was so cold and callous to me and treated me like I was nothing when he broke up with me, yet all our stuff is still surrounding him! And he is sleeping in my bed with all my furniture around him! What's the deal? It's been 3 weeks. Why hasn't he cleared it all out so he can sever the ties like he obviously wanted? Maybe any dumpers could give insight?
  3. Am I just being too sensitive? We all just moved in together and mind you, it is our roommate's birthday today. My boyfriend said he was going to call me back after work, but he never did. Lately, its been bothering me that he never calls me after he gets off like he use to. He now just goes straight home and he and our female roommate get off at the same time. I get off later so I usually come home to them hanging out. He forgot to call me back, didn't read any of my texts. He went straight home, gave her the wine for her birthday that we were going to give her together for her birthday, and they went surfing together. I came home early so we could maybe grab dinner together, but now I feel super left out and disregarded. I also have thats weird gross feeling in my stomach. Am I too sensitive?
  4. And he likes me... we’ve talked about wanting to date but he wants to respect my ex and not have an awkward living situation which I understand... I am wondering if it could be mitigated by being up front tho. My question is... do you think it would be a good idea if I went to my ex and told him I was interested in dating his roommate and wanted to know how he felt about that? I am willing to accept whatever answer he gives me... we have been apart for almost 3 years and he has a GF so there is no pining going on from his side. I guess I am wondering if asking is a good idea or if I should just let this go. His roommate is a really great guy and I have known him for a few years... they only just started being roommates this year, before that they didn’t know each other. It’s just that the roommate makes me have those butterflies you know? After all this time a switch flipped and I was like ooooohhh.... And I want to be respectful by not hiding or going behind my ex’s back.... maybe I am just in denial though and it’s a dumb idea and I need to let it go altogether. Thoughts?
  5. I recently broke up with my GF of ~5 years. We had had a long distance relationship for much of that time. A bit over a year ago we moved to the same state, though not the same city. I moved here largely at her urging -- I was just beginning graduate school, and I had been planning on going somewhere else, but she convinced me that we needed to be near each other. So I moved to be near her and she started giving me the cold shoulder as soon as I get here. I was not allowed to meet her friends, and within six months of moving here I get dumped. This is, to be honest, not really a surprise. Going into this I figured that the odds that we would still be together in a year were not good -- certainly less than 50/50-- but I had invested a lot in the relationship and I wanted to try. But I don't think that I have a problem with getting dumped per se. But I really feel ill-used at HOW she dumped me. We had plans for one weekend just before the breakup -- she was going to come down for the weekend. She did not show. I called her roommates and they both claimed to have not seen her in a couple of days. At this point I was completely freaking out -- I was convinced that she had been murdered or something terrible. (I found out later that she had asked her roommates to lie and say that they hadn't seen her if I called.) Four or five days later I get a call in the middle of the night (like seriously 3:00am --- I was sound asleep). She is calling from a pay phone in a city ~1000 miles away (the town where she went to college, and where her previous BF lives). She tells me that we are breaking up. She won't answer any questions. She won't let me talk about it. She says that she decided to do it over the phone because (direct quote) "I don't want to deal with some big ugly scene." So I am in need of a little perspective here, because I am in no position to be objective. Getting dumped sucks, and intellectually I know that the dumpee (me) ALWAYS thinks that the dumper (her) is the devil. But seriously even given that I feel like her behavior is terrible. After 5 years and moving halfway across the country at her request, I feel like I deserved a face-to-face breakup, or at least a few minutes to talk about it. So I honestly want to know what you all think. On a scale of 0 to 10 (0 meaning that I am being a total snowflake, 10 meaning she is a demon-spawn from Hell) how acceptable/bad is her behavior here? I really want your honest opinions here -- I won't lie, I am hoping for more 10's than 0's, but if I am being overly sensitive I really want to know. Thanks in advance for your replies.
  6. So, I have a friend who I love dearly, partially as a good friend and partially like a son. He's a really, really sweet guy who cares about others. But he's making some bad decisions and is constantly going back and forth about what he wants to do with his life. The going back and forth doesn't bother me much...he's doing pretty well in his current position so I don't see that as much of an issue even though he seems to change his mind every five minutes about what he wants to do with his life. It's his life path and whatever career he chooses or wherever he wants to live has no bearing on my life. What is more upsetting is his handling of his finances and how it affects him emotionally. Yes, I know how he handles his finances is absolutely none of my business...except he complains to me frequently. For example, I know he owes several hundred dollars to various agencies such as utilities, doctors, etc. He's struggling to make his house payment because he's relying on roommates to help with the payment and currently he has no roommates and is having no luck finding any except people who don't work and don't pay rent. He was complaining to me about 5 days ago that he was so broke he had no money to buy food because he'd spent several hundred dollars on electronics he didn't need but wanted. So, what did he do last night? He bought a new car! He messaged me with a pic, obviously either expecting or hoping that I'd get excited for him and congratulate him. I gave him a kind of lukewarm response along the lines of "nice car! The dogs will like riding in it!", but I couldn't bring myself to give him the response I think he was hoping for. He stopped messaging me after my tepid response. I mean...sorry, but that was a bad decision and how could I be excited when 5 days ago he was rummaging in his fridge searching for something to feed himself? He even said he hopes he's able to make the payments. He owes hundreds for bills, struggles to make his house payment, and I'm supposed to be happy he bought a new car??? I do feel guilty because I'm sure he's excited and was hoping I'd be happy for him, but gosh darn...I just think it would have been better to wait until some of his bills are paid. I think once the excitement wears off he will be stressed and anxious about making the payment...just like he was after he bought all those electronics. Again, yes, I know this is none of my business except he vents and complains to me so often about being broke (his word). I value our friendship and want to keep it, but I don't feel right encouraging him to do these things when he's done them before and gotten depressed and anxious when the bills come in and he doesn't have the money. I mean, should I just fake it and pretend I'm super duper excited? Or should I just keep doing what I did, give a kind of lame response because I don't feel right being dishonest to a friend I care about? I'm the kind of person who believes one should be honest with friends. I don't blow sunshine up peoples' butts if I think they're making a huge mistake. I don't lecture or act superior or give my opinion if it hasn't been asked for, and I've never used the words "I told you so!!" But aren't there are some people who would prefer you just act excited for them even if you think they're doing something they'll end up regretting? Thoughts?
  7. I'm really questioning whether or not to continue this friendship. He's been like my best friend for 25 years. We used to hang out every day. Things started getting different after we bought a house together (his idea). After only living together for 2 years, he suddenly tells me he is going to buy a house with another friend, this guy that he only knew for a few months. So it's been about 10 years since that guy came into his life, and we have still hung out, just not as much. I have noticed over the years that my friend doesn't seem to care what is happening in my life, he NEVER asks how things are going, whenever we hang out he just immediately starts in with telling me about his life. I do talk about my life when I get a chance, but 99% of the time it is a short conversation, if he has anything to say about it at all. Also he will NEVER do anything I suggest, he only wants to do things that he wants to do, even though the things I want to do are things he would do with his roommate when I'm not around. Since we have been friends our entire adult lives (and now we're in our 40's), we know each others parents. My mom is always asking me if he wants a thing she doesn't want anymore, or she sends him birthday and Christmas cards, that kinda thing. But my friend's parents never do the same for me, they DO do this stuff for my friend's roommate though. And I really don't think they are "together" like a couple, I could go into the reasons why I don't think that but it isn't relevant. Even if they were in a relationship, getting into a relationship doesn't make you treat your friends like crap. His roommate and I are friends too, we get along great. So the problem isn't his friend. Recently my friend did something really hurtful to me. We planned 3 camping trips to go on this summer. We both got out our calendars and picked the only dates that worked for both of us. A week later, he informs me that he changed the dates of all the trips, asking me if the new dates would work for me, knowing they wouldn't, because we already looked at our calendars the first time and he knew when I couldn't go! I said no I can't go on the new dates, so I guess I am just not going to be going camping this summer. So he and his roommate are going just them 2. Also, I quit my job 3 weeks ago, and I told him and he just said one word, "Nice!" and he knows I am sitting home doing nothing but he never asks me to hang out. He also sits on FB most of the day but never likes any of my posts, even when something major happens in my life. He should have some interest in my life after 25 years. I am tempted to just stop trying. What do you all think?
  8. My living situation with my roommate (that I actually share a room with) isn t exactly working out for me. She doesn't contribute anything to the household (i.e. kitchen supplies or bathroom supplies) but uses everything. First thing she said after moving in "Do we share kitchen supplies? Because I don't have any. Can I use yours?" It's not even like she just moved out of her parents' house; she has been living alone for 3 years now. She also skypes her friends for hours on end (like 4-5 hrs) very loudly in our room and doesn't care that she's being loud. Recently, I charged her December utilities recently and had to remind her twice before she told me that it's unfair that she has to pay full price because she went away for a couple weeks that month. Do I start counting the days or hrs that we stay in the apt to calculate utilities??! It's ridiculous because I'm usually gone for 4-5 days every weekend because i visit my parents or stay with my bf but still pay my fair share. Same thing with the other housemates who sometimes go away. And until now she still hasn't paid me for Dec or Jan utilities. I'd move out, but I'm the one on the lease, and she's subletting. Renters insurance, internet and basically utilities are also under my name. I don't know how to ask her to move out because she was introduced to me by a mutual friend and I'd have to deal with the friend too and I don't want there to be hard feelings.
  9. I would like an outside perspective on a situation I am in. I am usually pretty good at evaluating situations like this, but its hard when you are the one in the thicket: Background: My ex (f25) and I (m31) dated for about 22 months which came to an end, by her decision, at the beginning of March of 2017. The breakup came to a big surprise to me. We spent the next 2-3months in LC. Her reaching out every two weeks for the first 2 months, reminding me how much she “missed me”, how “this was the hardest thing she has ever had to do”, “ i’m her soul mate”, yadda yadda yadda. I fell for it and chased her but she was adamant that this was "right for the both of us” . Then nothing for months on end. She did send me a “Happy Birthday” text at 12:01am on my birthday in July. Since then, we’ve communicated once or twice with the last being at the end of November. I dropped off an item of hers that I found in storage when I was moving. It was a family heirloom that her father gave her right before he passed away, so I couldn’t keep it or throw it away in good conscious. I just dropped it off in a box at her doorstep and walked away. She did reach out to say “thank you” and “I’m always here for you if you need anything” and that was it. Here is where it gets interesting: I have two friends who are brother (J) and sister (P) that I am very close with. My ex was never introduced to them officially, but I talked about them to each other all the time. So, they knew of each other. Well, in April of 2017, I had found out that my ex sent a friend request through Facebook to my best friend (P). When I asked my ex about it, she had admitted to stalking my FB “all the time”, which I left open to the public, and she “accidentally” friended (P) from there (yeah right). Then, over the next few months, my ex began reaching out to (P) more and more. Becoming friends on instagram and snapchat as well. As time went on, communication from my ex to (P) had progressed from just “likes" to full on conversation, ALL initiated by my ex. (P) has asked me on a few occasions if it bothered me and that she could unfriend my ex if I wanted her to. Now, (P) moved in with me in August 2017 because her brother moved back to Japan to be with their parents and (P) didn’t want to go. So, (P) and I got a place together as roommates. (P) has a boyfriend and has been there for me through this whole ordeal with my ex, so there is zero going on between (P) and I. My ex knows this but continues to message (P) through multimedia. My ex and I have never been friends on line, so there has been no communication through there and I have NEVER looked at any of her profiles or post. I did unfriend and unfollow (P) on everything for obvious reasons, but I told her before I did and she agreed it was a good idea if it helped me heal. Plus, now that (P) and I live together, I don’t really have the need to follow her. What confuses me is that I believe my ex had initially friended (P) in order to keep tabs on me. But, I can’t tell if it’s actually flourished into a friendship between the two. For instance, I don’t think my ex sees it as being friends with her ex’s best friend/roommate and more like just being friends with (P). (P) does mention that my ex posts stuff indicating she still has feelings. My question is: (P) has asked me if I want her to unfriend my ex. (P) told me that the only reason that she continues to be my ex’s friend is because (P) thought that my ex was trying to come back into my life and (P) wanted her to. Other than that, (P) said she is 100% ok with dropping my ex as a friend as our friendship is more important to her. What I am considering is that because the way in which my ex broke up with me (complicated), I feel that my ex doesn’t deserve the benefit of being friends with (P) or keeping tabs on me if she isn’t serious about having a legitimate relationship with me. On the flip side, I don’t know if I have the right to ask (P) to unfriend her without feeling petty. Im trying to determine if I would be asking (P) to unfriend her out of principal or out of spite. Am I just being bitter? Please let me know your thoughts. Also, there are two other details that may play into all of this, but I wanted to get an opinion on just the above details first. Thank you.
  10. Hi everyone It's been a while since I've been on here, so hi everyone! Anyway, I have a roommate issue that I hope you could give me some feedback on. I have been roommates with a girl (28) for about a year now. I just bought a condo and am going to closing on Friday and moving out with in the next two weeks. Well, over the weekend she had a guy stay over (no big deal) but the guy is her x who she broke up with last year because he cheated on her (taped the cheating), has sold drugs, been in jail, and has stolen. She (not to my knowledge) has not been seeing this guy, although I'm not around most weekends and stay with my boyfriend who comes over on Sunday nights. Well the apartment is funished with my stuff except for her room everything in there is mine, I'm not comfortable with her having this guy over. I sent her an email which she ignored, so I stopped her this morning on the stairs as she was leaving. I asked her if she had this guy over (I didn't see him but my boyfriend did) and she replied with an attitute yes and that they were not getting back together and to mind my own business, I said to her I don't care if she is seeing him again but I wasnt comfortable with him in the house, she said he had changed and that it wasn't fair for me to say that. I asked her to let me know, and to make sure someone is in the house with him at all times until my stuff is moved out, after that she can do what she wants. She said something smart which I said I thought it was funny how she was sneaking around and that I couldn't wait to move out. I know that last part was a little immature but it really pissed me off that she gives no crap about my stuff and having this guy over putting me and her in a strange postition. Is this my business? I say yes because I live there also and it's mostly all of my stuff in the apartment. Any replies would help! Thanks
  11. I recently noticed my roommate looking at transgender/crossdressing porn. He doesn't practice crossdressing, but could this mean he is gay? I've had some indications that he might be. Just wondering if any of you have ever heard of anything like this.
  12. I've really been trying to figure out what this means. Please help. Heres the background on us, we use to work together and from that we got real cool. And he would talk to me about his gf and there problems and I would talk to him about my bf at that time and our problems. About 2 months ago he quit his job and so now I barely talk to him. About a week ago I talked to him and asked how him and his girl were doing and he said he hadnt talked to her in like 3 days and I was telling him he needs to call her and he said no he wanted to wait and see what she was going to do. They've been going through some things for quite a while now. So last night when I got off work he sent me a message and this is the conversation that we had: Me (1:37:42 AM): u had to work today? Him (10:38:22 PM): no Me (1:38:57 AM): oh your lucky. what did u end up doing? Him (10:39:20 PM): I'm at the bar right now eating pizza Me (1:39:39 AM): u have a sidekick now or something? Him (10:39:47 PM): yea Me(1:39:56 AM): I see you. Him (10:40:17 PM): not really I only have a 2 Me (1:40:20 AM): Save me some pizza I'm hungry too! Me (1:40:31 AM): y did u leave Nextel? Him (10:40:45 PM): its free so I can't, I still have nextel 2 Me (1:41:05 AM): Ballin! Him (10:41:06 PM): come get a bite from my house Him (10:41:18 PM): not really Me (1:41:33 AM): LoL, okay I'm coming! Him10:41:46 PM): u playin Me (1:41:48 AM): You get free pizza at the bar? Me (1:41:54 AM): yeah Him (10:41:55 PM): yea Me(1:42:02 AM): I didnt know that Him (10:43:37 PM): I'm bored u wanna come over and entertain me Me (1:43:51 AM): LoL entertain u how? Him (10:43:57 PM): idk Me(1:44:16 AM): What have u been drinking? Him (10:44:32 PM): I had 2 beers Me (1:44:44 AM): U by yourself? Him(10:44:54 PM): yea Him (10:45:03 PM): coronas Him (10:45:10 PM): that aint nothin Me (1:45:18 AM): Aww. poor baby. Y u by yourself? Him(10:45:43 PM): oh my roommate is driving so he might be home Me (1:45:59 AM): Who is your roommate? Him (10:46:10 PM): ****** Me (1:46:40 AM): oh Me (1:47:26 AM): U want me to come over for real? Him (10:47:51 PM): we bout to leave ill aim u when I get there Me (1:48:32 AM): U dont think your girlfriend gon mind if I come over at 2 in the morning? Him (10:51:28 PM): not really Me (1:53:04 AM): oh. what does not really mean? Him (10:53:51 PM): idk we going thru some thangs but we still coo and stuff Me (1:56:13 AM): So what r we going to do when I get over there? Him (10:56:40 PM): u have to entertain me Me (1:57:18 AM): what kind of entertainment r u talking about? Live entertainment? lol Him (10:57:31 PM): hell yeah Me (1:58:47 AM): Okay. Well what r lookin for its going to cost Me (1:58:52 AM): lol Him (10:59:01 PM): whomp whomp Him (11:01:45 PM): u got class tomorrow Me (2:01:56 AM): no Me (2:01:58 AM): u? Him (11:02:25 PM): yea 1020 and I have a quiz Him (11:02:33 PM): mth 124 Me (2:02:56 AM): O Him (11:03:05 PM): siiiiiike Me (2:03:43 AM): so u dont have class Him (11:04:05 PM): naw Me (2:04:58 AM): Oh ok Me (2:07:00 AM): what r u doing? Him (11:07:41 PM): just made it 2 the crib Him (11:08:07 PM): its kinda late so u don't have to come thru Me (2:09:00 AM): Or you just dont want 2 C me Him (11:09:47 PM): what r u talkin about Me (2:10:47 AM): Well 1 min u want me to come over and now you dont Him (11:11:18 PM): I mean I didn't know my roommate was gonna take that long Him (11:12:05 PM): awww u really wanted to c me Me (2:12:35 AM): U made me think you really wanted to see me Him (11:12:56 PM): girl be quiet Me (2:13:23 AM): lol Him (11:13:38 PM): I did but its late now if my roommate wasn't arguing with the bouncer then u would be here right now Me (2:15:52 AM): Oh okay. Him (11:17:14 PM): r u on facebook right now Me (2:17:25 AM): yeah Me (2:17:29 AM): why? Him (11:17:56 PM): add my roommate as ur buddy real quick Me (2:19:10 AM): is it a pic of his arm with a tat? Him (11:19:20 PM): yea Me (2:21:46 AM): y did u want me to do that? Him (11:22:46 PM): so I can look at it Me (2:23:06 AM): Oh. Me (2:23:17 AM): y u not on facebook anymore? Him (11:23:41 PM): idk Him (11:23:48 PM): take to much time Me (2:26:59 AM): Your quiet Me (2:27:06 AM): whats wrong? Him(11:27:06 PM): sorry Him (11:27:16 PM): no reason Me (2:30:53 AM): So what do u have up 4 this weekend? Him (11:31:28 PM): work and chill and study because I have exam next week thursday Me(2:32:30 AM): Yeah I feel you I have 2 exams the end of this month Me (2:32:49 AM): I'm going to be studying too, and I have another one Feb 8 Him (11:34:10 PM): crazy Me (2:34:32 AM): yeah I know Him (11:34:45 PM): I'm bout to go to sleep my head hurting and I'm tired Me(2:35:11 AM): Ok. Sweet Dreams Him (11:35:29 PM): thanks Him(11:35:36 PM): u 2 Me (2:35:41 AM): k So then the next day I instant messaged him and said hi and asked him was he feeling better (talking about the headache) and he said yea. Then he said "aye, thanks." And I said for what, and he said for checking up on him. I said no problem and then soon after that I got off the computer. But what the heck is going on? Does this mean he likes me? Or do you think he was drunk? I asked all my male friends and they said u not going to get drunk off 2 cornas and so I dont know. I havent talked to him since yesterday and he's online now and he hasnt instant messaged me all day so I'm kinda thinking he doesnt like me now. Please help. What should I do? What did he mean when he said they (him and his gf) going thru some stuff but they cool. Oh he isnt the type of person who would want me to come over there and have sex so I dont think that was the reason for him wanting me to come over. He's not that type of guy.
  13. Super Dave (or anyone!), Please give me advice. I have been reading a lot of posts here the last two days. Here is my story: I went through a very messy divorce that started during the summer of 2004. I was a total wreck. Did just about every wrong thing in the book. I was married for 8 years at the time with two little boys. At any rate, it took a long time, but I was finally starting to feel good about myself and get over her by March 2005. Then I started dating this great girl in April 2005. I was afraid, but I fell in love with her over the summer. Things were going great, so I started pressuring her to move in with me and she finally did in July 2006. That's when things started to fall apart. She was just unhappy there. Didn't like living out in the suburbs with all the soccer moms. Couldn't handle the cacophony of two grade school boys living in the house with us every other week (I have joint physical custody). There are other issues of course, there always are. Anyhow, she finally dropped the bomb on Saturday night. She needs to get out of there. She needs space. She needs to work on her. We cried all night together. She went out with friends the next night for New Years and spent the night at her friend's house. I did great by not calling or texting that night even though I would have loved to hear from her (Happy New Year or something). I finally broke down and texted at 2pm the next day. I was worried about her. Now I'm not so sure, I was probably just being needy, etc. I called and left a message at 3pm. She called back aorund 3:30 and was heading home, well, to the house. That night there was a bit more talking and crying, but she noticed that I was doing better than the first night. Also, she asked that I cancel her plane ticket to Vegas (we were all going in mid-January to visit my parents). Anyway, I started reading your posts yesterday and I decided that I needed to cut out the relationship talk and crying altogether until she moves out. Yesterday after work I beat her to the house (she had the day off). She said she had been out looking at apartments and had decided on one near her work (10min drive instead of 40mins now). I told her that it sounded really cool. She showed me the web site and floor plan, etc. I asked when the apartment would be available and she said she would move while I'm in Vegas with the boys. Even though all this stuff hurt like he11, I held my chin high and the tears at bay--I was very proud of myself. I said only positive things. Anyway, our situation is very strange. We're acting like roommates, but still sleeping in the same bed. She even wanted to hold me in the middle of the night and gave me a little kiss. I won't lie to you, it felt great at the time. It hurts now when I think about how that will all come to an end soon. Anyway, I have two weeks left of living with her and I wanted to know what you thought about what I should do. My current plan is to just get through it as best I can. Don't do anything stupid that will push her away. Just treat her with respect and let her make any moves (such as kisses/hugs/cuddling/I love yous, etc). I won't call or text her. I did email her an interesting article this morning and she responded, so I'm not sure if I fell off the wagon or if that's acceptable roommate activity. After she moves out, I don't really know what to do. I'm torn between LC and NC. I definitely won't initiate any contact, but I don't know if I should take her calls, texts, emails, IMs, etc. Please advise me. Please comment on my two week plan and give me advice on what to do after she moves out. Thank you so much!
  14. I just moved into this apartment with this georgous girl that goes to my school. She is perfect in every way, personally. the problem is that her on and off again boyfriend lives in the same complex. One night she stormed into the apartment all flustered saying that her "boyfriend" got in a huge fight and got preety violent so she said they "broke up" saying that he was unstable. So we just talked about it for a couple hours supposedly telling me that they fight all the time and he is abusive and possesive, and suicidal. Anyway i got i got trashed one night and i think i might have said some stuff i really regret saying, for instance i think i said i liked her and her boyfriend was p.o.s. and then i blacked out. Since that night she went back to him saying that she felt bad for him because he was drinking and threatening to kill himself because she broke up with him. She stays over at his apartment now and i havent seen her in a week. i dunno what to do because she is a great girl that i have all the respect in the world for and she keeps getting sucked into this bottomless pit of a boyfriend which they fight all the time and threatens to kill himself if she leaves him. What should i do?
  15. Right now, it's a couple hours after I was supposed to leave work...but I find myself not wanting to go home because I don't want to see my roommate and hear her gossiping. She literally doesn't let me have a break, as soon as I step a foot into the door she starts talking and doesn't stop. Some days I just don't want to hear it... like today....so I'm just doing stuff online here at work, and hanging out. I wish I could just go home and relax...but I know she'll be sitting there on my recliner, watching my tv, and maybe using my dvd player. ANd I know that if I do go home she won't offer my own chair to me (it's the only one in front of the tv) and she definitely won't let me watch what I want to. I think I finally understand why so many people (usually guys who are trying to avoid nagging wives) do this. It sucks, I tell ya.
  16. So lately I have been attracting lots of girls, which is nice because my ex and I broke up 2 months ago. Today my best friends sister invited me to go out wednesday, I know she interested because not only has my best friend told me to ask her out but also her roommate, anyways I said sure but then realized she loves to dance...I have two left feet and dance like a retarded Fez (from the 70's show), seriously I AM BAD AT DANCING...so the question is what do I say when she asks me to dance with her? do I just go out there and look like an idiot or explain to her that I'm not a good dancer
  17. I've been with my bf for almost 5 months. We talked about moving in together in January. It was his idea, he asked and I did not even expect him to ask me to move in with him. I gave it much thaught and I was ready to take the next step, now this is wahat happened. His friend, which is a girl, is moving back from Florida, and he told her that she could stay with him if she needs a home, told his other best friend, who is a guy that he could stay at his place too. Here I though that it was about us but with that it made it seem that he's just looking for roommates? Anyways he also thinks I'm jelaous, and after I told him that I e-mailed his friend he got into an argument with, I tried to make things better between them, he tells me that he can't believe that I did that and now everythings is messed up for them, and he needs time to breath from me, and things like that. What do you think of this? Thank you for your honesty.
  18. i was talking to my roommate the other day because she just bought a new car and we were discussing how she financially was able to do it. anyway, when the dealer guy did a credit report, the guy said she had a great credit score, compared to some other people who have a higher income and own million dollar houses and who are older. basically, she just has one credit card, meaning no macys, target or other store credit cards. she said that the more credit cards you have, the lower your credit score will go down. just wondering, is this true? when say you got a new credit card, did you notice your credit score go down? i have one credit card since one's enough for me to handle, but have thought about getting maybe another one in the future.
  19. We were together for four years and we had some problems but it was really never that bad..well, not to me anyways. The first three years were great, then he moved into a new house and got a roommate. His roommate was such a flawed person. He had problems and I truly believe he turned my ex into a more negative person. As soon as he moved in, we started having problems. Both of them would do cocaine, and I was scared to see the effect this was having on our relationship. The first time my ex did it, he broke up with me the next day, for absolutely no reason. This was about a year ago. Since then, we've broken up twice because of it, one instance were he hid out at his aunt's house and everytime I would call, he would tell people to lie to me about him being there. That night, I found him there and confronted him. I was so angry that I slapped him. I know violence is not the way, but he had no right to lie to me like that. He pushed me into the wall to get me to back off and I hit my head really hard and got a nosebleed. After some problems, he totally stopped doing it. I know he did because I saw a huge change in his overall demeanor. I was so happy for him and everything seemed like it was going great! About two weeks ago, we were just hanging out at his house talking and I was kinda in a cranky mood. He had been treating me like crap all night because he had been drinking and all of sudden it was a full-blown fight. He was insane and wouldn't stop yelling, so I got up to walk away into his room to cool off. He grabbed my hand really hard and squeezed and told me that if I was gonna walk away, I might as well walk out the door. He wouldn't let go of my hand so I slapped his face. All hell broke loose after that. Now I'm a mess...he's ignoring me, he keeps hanging up on me and calling me all these horrible things. I seriously don't think I can live without him. It's really taking a heavy toll because he wasn't only my boyfriend, but my best friend. I depended on him for so long, that he became my only friend. Now I'm all alone and feel like all the value has gone out of my life. He won't even talk to me and it's been a little over two weeks since the incident. I need to talk to him, but it's impossible with the way he's going on. He was the most important thing in my life and I feel like a bug he's trying to swat away. I can't even understand how he can be so thoughtless and uncaring. He won't even talk to me. I'm so lost and alone...I have no one left who cares.
  20. I know it's long, but I felt the whole picture was necessary... Please if you have the time I'd love some input on my situation. Thanks! So I've been officially seeing my guy for about 2 months now. He's in the army. We dated back in highschool for a few months, I dumped him and we lost contact. 7 years later I get a letter from him while he's at bootcamp. We wrote 2-3 times a week for the whole time he was there, he called me the day he got back on leave and we've been inseperable ever since. Yesturday, the topic came up of what he wanted from me (as in out of our relationship) because the whole time he was writing letters to me he was saying how he wasn't looking for a relationship, and I was saying the same... but then we met up and things just happened. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and even though I didn't think I was ready for a relationship that maybe I just needed to meet the right guy to make me ready. So, last night I asked him what he wanted from me, since he's leaving in less than 2 weeks. He said he didn't want to tell me because then I'd know how much he likes me, and that he's never let his guard down like that with a girl. I pushed a little and said I wanted to know, and he stopped the car, took my hand and said "I don't expect you to do this because 2 years is a long time to wait for me, but that is truly what I would want. I can see myself being with you for a long time, and if you could wait I could" I was a little stunned by all of this because he's not one to open up like that. So now I'm stuck with the decision, do I wait or no? I can see myself with him long-term, but he's going to afghanistan in mid-december early january for 18 months. My roommate dosen't think he's good for me for a few reasons... 1. she said he hit on her (but in his defense, she thinks everyone hits on her) 2. he almost got in a fight at one of our parties (which was started because someone was talking about him and how they were going to throw him off our balcony) 3. she says his past is too much baggage for me Now, I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but I have always said that what's past is past and what matters is the present. Especially when starting new relationships I always try to give them a fresh start and not hold their past against them. He got in a lot of trouble when he was younger, did the whole drug thing, went to jail... but he streightened up, joined the army and started a new life. I want to wait for him, because he treats me amazingly. He always pays, takes me out to nice places, wants to spend every minute he can with me. We have amazing chemisty in bed, but don't revolve our relationship by that. There are some nights when I want him to just lay with me and he never complains. He's been there for me whenever I've needed him (like when I was sick or upset about something) he's met my parents. My parent's love him, and his whole family loves me... He's always complimenting me, telling me how beautiful I am Now, despite everything that he means to me, I still have doubts. I've had relationships like this in my recent past that have been amazing for the first two months and then came to an immediate hault when he stopped calling me and stopped answering my calls. I'm a little bit afraid and worried that I'm going to put my whole self into this and the same thing is going to happen again. I know it's not right to compare, but it's just that this situation seems all too familiar... the other guy was a marine, and we tried the whole LDR, flying back and forth... I was heartbroken... I want to believe that my guy means everything he says, but how and when do you truly know? I'm sorry this got so long but I"m just trying to give the whole picture... not only what I like but why I'm worried and also why some people close to me (friends and roommate) don't necessarily NOT like him but are worried for me. Any and all advice would be really appreciated.
  21. I was just remembering an old roommate talking about having sex with some guy and they didn't use a condom and later on that day, she, er, well leaked. I guess his come leaked out later on that day and came down her leg. She was a little grossed out. Anyway, is this a common thing that happens if you don't use a condom and the guy ejaculates inside a woman? Has this happened to anyone else?
  22. I dated "A", my best friend, casually for 9 months during this time he made it very clear that we had an open relationship. As we dated longer I realized I wanted more and had fallen in love with "A" and told "A" so. He refused to commit, so I ended up ending our relationship in January. "A" and I remained friends. Over the course of "A" and I dating I became good friends with one of his roommates, "W". A little over a month after calling things off with "A", "W" confessed that he'd always liked me, but hadn't hit on me due to my dating his roommate. "W" and I both decided before proceeding to date we would sit down and talk to "A" out of respect and friendship. "A" said it was fine if we dated. About a month into "W" and I dating I was over and "W" was in the other room and "A" came up and said some very graphic, sexual things to me. I told him "I can tell you no and I will" "A" then sat down and passed out and I wrote it off as him being drunk. "A" and I continued to hang out as friends with no issues. About 3 weeks later "A" called me asking for a place to crash, because of fighting with another roommate. Once he got back to my house he started rubbing on my upper leg and I said "no, I'm not messing with two boys in the same house" "A" asked if I was serious about "W", I said I was and "A" stopped trying to touch me and went back to watching tv. Both of these events happened in February. In April "W" was on vacation with friends and "A" got ahold of me very upset about the girl he was seeing cheating on him and the subsequent breakup. I agreed to go to happy hour with "A" as friends. I thought I was being smart, meeting with him early in the evening and in a public place. We met up at "A"'s house and he was very gentlemanly and friendly. A 3rd male I had met before, "A"'s and "W"'s friend came out too. On the way to the bar this 3rd person offered me and "A" a valium, we both accepted. Once at the bar "A" started talking about he and I and our prior dating history, apologizing and saying he missed me etc. He asked me to be his commited girlfriend. I said no and steered the conversation back to his current problems. I had 4 seven seven's at the bar. I remember checking my watch at 8:30 p.m. The next thing I remember is waking up confused as to where I was or how I got there. This is the first time I ever have woken up confused as to how I got somewhere and my first time blacking out. I then realized it was "A"'s room and I was bottomless, but still wearing my top, bra, and jacket. It was 4:30 a.m. I gathered my things and left. I called "A" the next day and asked to come over to piece together the night, I was in denial that he would ever do something that wasnt consensual, he was after all, my best friend. I talked to "A" and he said we got a cab to his house and I was puking before I got in the cab. I have no recollection of the cab, climbing the steps to "A"'s house, or the steps to his room. Nothing. I started recognizing I was raped by "A" about 3 days after the event. I was so busy blaming myself for going out, for taking the valium, for drinking that I failed to admit to myself "A" could have raped me. A 3rd party told me that "A" said I passed out during the act. I think I passed out before the act and "A" was proving to himself he could still haev me that I "didnt end it". I guess in my mind it boils down to, "A" was supposed to be my firend and "W"'s friend, and I said no twice before and I had to be obviously intoxicated, "A" even admits I was vomitting. The rape has caused many issues, regarding trust, love, and sex for me. Also, because I know "W" through "A" it makes me question "W"'s moral caliber as well. It is July and "W" are still dating. I told him everything that happened as soon as he returned from his vacation. He said he believes me, but nothing more than that. He never even said an ill word to "A". At first I attributed it this to "W"'s possessions being in the house, but "W" moved in with me the 1st of July. Everytime I try to talk to "W" about what happened he says nothing at all, no sympathy, nothing about how he feels, he simply says nothing at all. "W" ignoring what happened by both not confronting "A" at all and by refusing to talk to me about it makes me feel like he doesnt care about me. If he wont stand up for me over this what will he stand up for? I dont know what to do and I think the only way I'll come to terms with the rape is to talk about it. What should I do? In terms of healing and recovery, My and "W"'s relationship, and anything you can think of.
  23. I need some advice... We've been married almost 30 years and both of our children are grown and have started their own families, so thank goodness, no minor children are involved. I guess it all started many, many years ago when our intimacy and sex life started declining. The last time we were intimate was almost 5 years ago (but who's counting). After trying and trying to get it warmed up again, I finally moved to another bedroom about 2 years ago and this is how we've lived ever since then. I've addressed this and told her that I can't live without intimacy and physical closeness in my life, but nothing has changed. I'm to the point now that I think it's time to reclaim my life and move one. I do not want to live the rest of my life like this. I used to lover her without question, but the past year or so, I almost resent being around her and find reasons (or is it excuses) not to. I guess I'm at the point that I think I want to take the next step and separate in preparation for a divorce. Any advice, opinions, suggestions anyone has out there would be greatly appreciated!
  24. Hi, what do you do when your boyfriend lives with a new girl you don't like and they are new best friends? My boyfriend, going on two years, and I have a great relationship, we love and respect each other, trust each other, support each other, share friends and do things apart. It's all really good. We've even talked about opening up to sharing our bed, together, with 'playmates' (my idea and his, because we are adventurous people). Sounds great, right? We live in separate spaces with a few roommates (boys and girls) each, in different neighborhoods. We aren't rushing living together, even though we spend all our free time together anyway and sleep at each other's houses every other night. We talk about a future together. We are very public with our affection, our own family will tell us to cool off with the playful affection we display for each other. So here's where the problem began and it's driving me CRAAAZZY! -----> My boyfriend recently got two new roommates, a guy and a girl. i was sad to loose the other two because his home was a home for me too, all his roommates loved me, would give me hugs when I came over and i knew that would be gone. Before I even met the girl I didn't like her because of how he introduced her to me on the phone. My boyfriend has a tendency to only see the positive in everything and anyone, he was over joyed by many of her (interesting) features: like her tool box, her recent travels and grant support money. He thought she was super-do!, and he thought I would be threatened by her. He said that in the first two sentences. She's so cool, and when I didn't respond in kind (because I tend to be the reserved hold-my-favor-till-it's-proven type) he asked if I was jealous. Well who wouldn't want to get money to travel around the world and explore their art? But I wasn't threatened by her, I hadn't even MET her, I was annoyed she was replacing the other roommates and I was annoyed he was so quick to celebrate her and then I was annoyed that he was assuming I was jealous. maybe I was PMSing then, who knows. It sucked from Go. And I should have realized then that he was having some kind of problem with it but I became confused, thought maybe I was being insecure and buried my doubts. It's his house anyway so what can I say, no she can't live there cause you think she's great? At our first meeting, a burlesque party, I was dressed up super sexy in a corset, as soon as I met her (butchy, studio artist chick) I knew she and I wouldn't connect that night. I'm tom boyish too but she didn't know that, and I got a weird attitude from her, that thing girls do when they distrust you for being pretty. Later I told my bf I was afraid she thought I was a floozy (to be playful about gauging her reaction). He later reported he told her I said that (in his typically tactless fashion) and she answerd, 'i like floozies.' (i took that to be a sign of war. She had just told my boyfriend she thought I was a floozy, right>?) Anyway. Things never got better. She's around alot, doesn't have many friends of her own yet, and I DONT" LIKE HER. She's not doing anything particularly substantial with her grant money and travels so NO, I'm not impressed by her. I'm not impressed that she bought a stupid chainsaw to cut wood sculpture. And I;m angry. I'm angry that they have this friendship that i can't be apart of. It's not just me. I know it's their doing too. I tried to be relaxed and open with her, to ask questions and engage her but the conversational ball always fell. We never connected and i never felt like she was trying to befriend me either. Wouldn't you want to befriend the girlfriend of a guy your now living with, whose often around and friends with all his friends which are now becoming yours by proxy? To make matters worse, for my stress, he received all new furniture from an elderly relative around the time she moved in... and she being handy, installed shelves and fixtures and the house was quickly entirely different inside and out! She got to put her mark all over it. I've lost my home! By chance, she answers an ad and gets to live in an awesome house with a fun and outgoing, friendly and wonderful, socially inclusive and ADORABLE guy. She gets to be with him whenever they're at home or go out with him whenever she wants (because she doesn't have a job, and lately he & i have conflicting schedules). And when I do get to go over, i get to watch them have this friendship I can't be apart of. He and I got into an argument over politics the last morning I saw them and I swear she snickered, in sympathy with him 'oh your girlfriends being a handfull' kind of stuff. She even had the nerve to get involved, to tell him I was right about a point. I wanted to scream at her 'excuse me why should he take your opinion over mine' but how can you yell at someone like that? i couldn't, i swallowed it and I've been enraged for days. In that time they've gone on bike rides together, a party and a concert... while I've been at work. It sucks. Anytime I've tried to talk about it in the past he gave me this 'are you sure your not envious of her' garbage. Anytime I've tried to remind him we should discuss the tension sometime soon he's pushed off the topic. The few times I've expressly let him in on my suffering he's been limited in his responses. He's not a jerk normally, but he doesn't seem to realize how much this bothers me or that I'm valid to feel this way. I feel betrayed: that my feelings are out of line, and she is innocent of any guilty behavior, and he doesn't feel like he has to be concerned. You tell me what girl wouldn't be secretly thrilled to find herself living with a guy, in a home like that, after being on the road, single for so long... and wouldn't play fantasies of having him to herself? I don't doubt some of her indifference to my friendship is that she would rather I wasn't there at all. But she's not going to say anything to him. So I'm that one with the problem. Even if it was only that seeing us together makes her lonely and she takes that out on me. I'm the only guilty party? ---- When I say all this it makes me sound very insecure to myself. I don't think he's going to leave me or even be interested in her physically. I am afraid that this could be some sign of an irreconceivable difference. We're at the two year mark soon. Maybe these are personality and trust issues we can't support each other on? Maybe he will tell me he really can't understand. I resent that she gets to create a home, and a friendship that I can't be apart of; that she makes me feel uncomfortable in an environment that was sacred to me and she can cause me tension in my intimate life . I want her out, sure, but in her place another one could pop up much worse. Obviously this is something we need to understand and support each other on to survive a life time. I think he's handling us poorly. it's one thing to have an exciting new friend you want to spend time with, it's another when she lives with you and your girlfriend doesn't like her. I'm planning on 'talking' with him tomorrow evening after a family gathering. The first time we'll have seen each other since our political argument, friday morning. My friends tell me I'm not crazy. This is a classic problem. But it feels like a turning point and I'm scared. I would love to hear your stories and responses.
  25. Not sure how many know my story, but the jist of it is that me and the guy that I was head over heels with broke up about the second week of July after almost 10 months together. It pretty much came out of nowhere and he broke it off saying that he just didn't feel that I was the one for him. I left it at that, didn't burn my bridges. I was upset of course, and I don't think I'm yet OVER him, but I'm not in a crippling depression over him. As far as I was concerned, he would always have a place in my heart as my first love. So anyway, maybe two weeks ago, he started messaging my sister on msn. The first thing he asked was if I hated him. My sister immediately called me and I talked her through what she should say. She told him that I didn't hate him (I never did). He asked how I was, she told him I was fine. He said he was still really depressed about the whole thing, that he was feeling absolutely horrible. But he went on to say that he just KNEW it wouldn't work out between me and him, that he knew for months, but that he knew for sure on my birthday (which was beginning of July, around the same time I had a tingling feeling something was just not right). Then they went on for a little while with small talk. About a week or so ago they talked again. I think he was a little tipsy. My sister said that I stay friends with my exes and that he should be friends with me, and then he was saying how his exgirlfriend called him out of the blue the day before. The girl that he broke up with in the 11th grade, but that she was always a lost love to him. That he never hooked up with her later because she had a boyfriend and now she was broken up and blah blah blah. He was saying how unhappy he was and how his life is so complicated. My sister told him that he HAD happiness (with me), but that he let it go so easily. He kind of agreed but got mad at her and logged off. So whatever. The other day, his roommate messages me, who I AM still friends with, and he asked if it was ok if he gives up his msn to my ex (who I had deleted off my msn list). I froze, but said, hey, why not? I doubt he would go to that much trouble to tell me off or something. He was very nice, asked how I was, and said that he really still wants to be friends with me, if I'll let him. He said he just figured I needed some more time. I asked him if he had needed some time too, he said yes, of course. We had some more small talk and then he went to bed. He asked if I would call him sometime, I said yeah ok, I will. I then talked to his roommate for awhile after that, and he mentioned that he had warned my ex that I probably wouldn't want to talk to him, and was surprised when I said ok. I never had any intention of contacting him. He knew where to find me if he wanted to talk to me. The next day I went out to a club with friends, had a few brew, and of course stupid me, I texted him. He didn't know it was me right away (I have since changed my phone number for unrelated reasons), but guessed pretty quick. He said he was glad to hear from me and called me "babe" again, like old times. I kept it short, asked him to the club knowing full well he wouldn't come out, and then he told me not to drink too much and to have a good dance for him. I didn't message him again, didn't hear from him until tonight. He texted me asking me why he never sees me online. I bluntly told him it was because it killed me to see him on my list, so I deleted him, but I would add him back if he wanted me to. He texted back and said that's fair, and that he would like it if I added him back. I told him I would as soon as I got home. He said that's great. So I get home and add him back on my list. He messaged me right away and saw my msn name that I'm sick. He asked if he could bring me anything. I told him I was fine. He said "awwwww, I'm sorry you're sick" and sent me one of those hug smiley things. He said if there's ANYthing that I need, to let him know, to call him anytime. We chatted small talk mostly. About his new car and his new job. I didn't say too too much. He said he had to wake up early so he was off to bed. He said that he will definitely talk to me again soon. I'm so confused. I didn't think I would ever hear from him again. I know from all the advice I've read here that sometimes the dumper will get in contact with the dumpee to make themselves feel better, to make peace with their conscience. But this guy has never apologized. He went through quite the trouble to contact me, even though his roommate, his best friend, told him I won't want to talk to me, he still persisted. He WANTED me to add him back to my list. He was very sweet, and not at all apologetic (I wouldn't expect him to be, everything happens for a reason, right?). My sister is convinced he wants me back. I'm not as sure. I'm not getting my hopes up. But would he go to all this trouble just to be friends? Can he really think we can be "just friends"? Do I want him back? I WOULD take him back. With conditions. I recognize now our relationship wasn't great. We didn't communicate, we didn't talk. All of our problems would have to be worked out. Maybe he's come to his senses? We WERE good together. Everyone thought so. *I* thought so. I think HE thought so too. I think maybe he just needed a bit of time. I'm not holding him to anything, I'm not waiting by the phone. If it happens, super, if not, my life will go on. I'm ok. I WILL be ok. What do you all think?
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