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  1. Hi Guys, It's me. Ok, I'm back at school, all of my classes are soo wonderful and difficult because they're all upper level and I love them and they keep me very busy. I have pretty cool roommates that are very high spirited and usually happy. So in that area, everything is good. There are a couple of problems however...One..my exboyfriend...two...my club. Well, about my exboyfriend, I just found out that he's now the treasurer of one of the clubs that my suitemate is in and they will be having some meetings here sometimes so that stressed me out. I kind of had a small panic attack... but after I thought about it, I just told them to let me know on time when the meetings will be and I'll just leave to the library or something. I just don't want to break no contact and if he actually did come over, it would be sooooo selfish of him because its not fair to me because he gets to see the place I'm living in and it's just not fair. The other problem is he used to be vice president of MY club and I guess that's why he's now treasurer of that other club. And its really not fair because its almost like he's rubbing it in my face that he's not going to be in MY club anymore. I'm just so angry right now and I'm literally crying because I just can't take this extra stress. I don't want it anymore. I don't want him in my life..but he somehow manages to slither back in. I just don't know what to do. I want him out...out of my life...for good. Oh...and his current roommate (who was my friend before he even met my ex) came here for that club meeting that my boyfriend is now in and I'm SURE he noticed everything in the apartment and went to gossip back to my EX. I just don't want a spy in my apartment. I don't want this stupid person in my life. So very angry!!!
  2. Hey - I'm new to the forum and I really need some support. My boyfriend (my first love, and who I lost my virginity to) and I broke up tonight. We were in a wonderful 9 month relationship, however the past two months have been a bit rocky. I am really upset and I'm shaking and crying and angry.We broke up face to face, and at first it was mutual, but then he left and called, wanting to talk.I feel so stupid...I cried when we broke up, and I REALLY didn't want to. We just stood there gazing at each other, asking if it's what really should be happening. I asked him to go, cried a bit more, talked to my roommate and then went online. So we were talking online and I asked him to be completely honest about everything. He said that he still loves me, he just doesn't want to be with me because he's really confused. After alot of talking about him saying he wants to be with me but he doesn't know if it's right, he needs so many things right now (which is true...I can't give him those things so I said I'd be fine with a 'break' if that's what he needed). SO after talking for a bit, he decides to be completely honest with me and tells me he has the hots for my roommate (which I suspected...although nothign would ever happen because she's my best friend and she's interested in other people, as well as the fact she doesn't like him). I got a little offended because she is quite a bit sexier then I am, and he just said he's been backing off because those thoughts really freaked him out and he wanted to avoid any situation that may hinder our relationship. I'm not gonna lie, I am upset and a little angry. I'm shaking, and I'm cold, but at the same time I keep thinking I brought this on myself because I brought up the idea of a break up .... seeing as how it seemed healthiest. One of my friends is saying I should be mad at him - how he had the hots for my roommate. But he didn't do anything, and in my mind the fact that he separated himself makes it seem like he wanted to make sure he doesn't hurt me. I could just tell when he started distancing himself from me, and things started falling apart a couple days after that. As of right now, he says he loves me and he wants to be with me, he just doesn't know what to do. Nor do I. I'm in school 6 days a week for 11 hour days, so I'm really busy, but he's joining the program in another two months (we're both in theatre). Please help!
  3. Note: We are freshmen in college. I was trying to encourage my friend to pursue honors classes at our university, even though she didn't get into the honors program. I think she took not getting into the program quite hard. I didn't realize how hard until this conversation I had with her. She said specifically, "you're not getting it. If I "tried to get into Honors and I didn't. I will ****ing kill myself... you think i'm joking. but I'm not" She later went on to say, "even if I wanted to kill myself... [her boyfriend] would stop me >.>...i mean [her boyfriend] would be the only reason why I wouldn't do it" I know her roommate quite well and trust her, so I brought this to her attention. She said that she didn't notice anything to this severity but did feel this person was very stressed out at times, especially with the college change. We discussed my friend for quite a while. Afterwards, we went over to our student health center and looked at a few pamphlets on suicide. We then decided to call a mental health hotline to get their advice. The hotline suggested that we confront our friend with this and encourage her to seek help. The roommate and I are this girls two best friends. I want to help my friend, but I would prefer to do it in a way that doesn't result in her hating us. But I would also prefer her hating me rather than her dead. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I should approach my friend with this or when would be the best time? Thanks.
  4. My fiance is in town for two weeks recovering from a car wreck (I'm sure alot of you have read my threads) well, for an update, I picked him up thursday and ended up taking him to the ER friday morning because of some road rash on his side that looked like it was getting infected. They ended up doing more surgury, but he's recovering well. I won't give you all the nasty details but he has a two inch whole in his side that has to heal from the inside out so they can't stitch it up or anything yet. We've been just hanging out and watching movies and spending time together. So, my roommate is getting an attitude with me now, I'm guessing because I'm never home. Is it wrong of me to want to spend as much time as possible with my fiance when he's only home for ten days? After he leaves I wont' get to see him until our wedding in december. If he was well, we'd be out and about, going out with her and her boyfriend and doing things, but most days he's just up for sitting around and watching tv or movies... should I be trying to make time for her? To me, it seems that he is the most important person to me right now, he's going to be my husband and should be my number 1 concern. I'd love to hear your guys' opinions on this.
  5. My partner and I have been together for 9 years. We work opposite shifts and finanically we can't change that right now. So we have saturday and sunday. In the beginning like all couples we couldnt keep our hands off each other. as the years passed the sex got less and less. I have mentioned this to her. we have gone over it a 100 or more times. the more it is brought up the less sex we have. She says she loves me and its that we are just too busy, or one of us is sick. She said she didnt like that I was always coming on to her or always asking for sex that was one of the reasons. then it was she felt pressured. there is always a reason. If it wasnt for the lack of sex our lifes would be great. We have everything else a couple could want. We are down to having sex maybe 18 times a year. Am I over reacting? Should I move into the spare bedroom since I feel more like her bestfriend and a roommate then I do her lover?
  6. My roommate only has had guys over all the time. I think she only has guy friends, and it feels kind of hard to be friends with them thinking they're only there to get in her panties. I take that back, she has 1 female friend. And the other roommate just stays up in her room all day. She just broke up with her boyfriend. On the other hand, there was a girl I TRIED to start something with, but she couldn't leave her chick friends. I might as well be asexual.
  7. I'm one of those guys who takes forever to call a girl after a date. (Let the hatemail from women begin.) Honestly, I don't do it to "play head games" or to be mean. I just procrastinate with everything in my personal life outside of work. Two weeks ago, I had a 2nd date with a girl. Dinner and drinks went fine, but Part 3 got late and felt a little strained (although we had a great 1st date, lasted 8 hours!). We stopped at a bar in her neighborhood and she called her roommate to come hang out (bad sign, I know). At the end, she thanked me for the evening and I kissed her goodnight for the first time. Following our date, I knew she would be busy for awhile. She was out-of-town with her family for one week. And last week, she was moving back to campus to start school. That's why I finally called (2 weeks later ) after work on Friday. Left a voicemail but no response. I'm kinda new to the dating scene, and I rarely abide by any set of "rules". I call only to set up the next date, but I am always a gentleman in person. (She even told her roommate that, too). I know I'm complaining about waiting 2 days, when it took me 2 weeks. Does that make me a jerk? She's nice and I like her, but it won't break my heart if this is the end. Should I wait for her, call again, or accept the lesson and move on? Advice from both guys and girls are much appreciated.
  8. My roommate and I moved in together in May and we signed a 1 year lease. Yes i have a very long way to go. So she lost her job last month. Then about 2 weeks later she disappeared for 2-3 weeks and just came back last night. Ok so during her disappearance she sent me an email. She complained about my wanting the A/C turned down too low (i have it at 70) and she also mentioned she had tried to get closer to me but i was always busy doing something and a whole bunch of other stuff. So i replied and suggested she close her ac vent in her room and i'd pay 60% of the electricity bill. along w/this i let her know i felt the same way about me trying to get close to her, seemed like she was always doing something else, would tell me she'd go out w/me then blow me off. anyway, i also let her know that i didnt appreciate her leaving dishes in the sink for two weeks and i also told her that we both have been slacking w/the cleaning and we should set up a cleaning schedule so neither of us would feel that the other was cleaning more than the other. she said she liked my ideas and that she'd be back the next day. anyway, that was a week and a half ago and she just showed up last nite. so she comes in, i say "hey u back for good?" she mumbles something walks up the stairs, into her room and locks her door. not another word to me. so how do i talk to her? how do i bring up our issues, not just cleaning but the money too. i'm afraid she may not have rent for sept. also, i can't stand living with her and i know she feels the same way about me. should i tell her this? should i see if she might be willing to leave, because i am the one who found the townhouse and i'm not giving it up and she wouldnt be able to afford the rent w/out me, but i definitely can w/out her. in fact, i plan to renew the lease next year, by myself of course. anyway i need to talk to her the living situation is affecting me at work and at school. i just cant concentrate. i need to get this taken care of. another problem is she hides out in her room all day so its hard to talk to her and i'm not home much. i work f/t go to school p/t and party a whole lot so...well i would love to hear your comments and suggestions!
  9. Okay so here's the deal. I met a really attractive, sweet guy at a club last week on my birthday. We seemed to hit it off really well. He came over on Saturday night, we cuddled and stuff like that. My best friend, who is also my roommate, was there. She flirted with him the entire time. He made up an excuse and left early. 10 minutes later, he called me and told me he was more attracted to my roommate than me. I was absolutely crushed. I really liked the guy. My best friend promised me she wouldn't talk to him. She knew how much emotional pain I was in. It turns out she called him up after she found out from ME that he was into her. They talked for like an hour. She swore to me she was just {Mod Edit} him out. Last night we had a little get-together for the premiere of American Idol. It was just supposed to be me, her and a couple of other people. She invited him without asking or telling me. They sat super close the entire night and flirted with playful touching and such. I was pretty drunk so I didn't say anything. Well, just a few minutes ago, I was trying to nap when I heard his voice. He was over here again. I got up, went to my roommate and asked what the hell he was doing here. "Oh, we're going out for coffee." I can guarantee she wouldn't have told me if I hadn't gotten up and asked. After promising me she wouldn't, I think she's falling for this guy. I am so hurt and feel so betrayed. Does anyone have any advice for me on how to handle this? I have told her how much it bothers me.
  10. Gosh..Now I remember why I usually try to avoid "catching up" with people in the past...Now I remember why I don't let myself get too close to "friends"...Girls are such hypocrites and all they do is gossip. Why don't I gossip? I guess its the way your parents raised you or maybe its because I have no sisters so I never had someone to gossip with...I don't know but I'm just appalled right now. Well, here's the story...I have this friend (well I have a few friends) but this girl is my friend from high school and she's been contacting me for 3 years and asking me to hang out but we never had the opportunity until today...well we hang out, go to the mall, have a good time...whatever..then she invites me to her house for a bit and I go and start talking to her and her sisters. Then that's when the gossip starts...Somehow, an old roommate of mine from college is brought into the subject which is a sensitive subject for me because she simply left one semester without telling me anything and we were roommates for three years so that hurt because we were friends. And when the current friend started to talk about her, they said that she was coming back to my college because she went to register with her friend. Now why is this gossip? Becuase that old roommate of mine contacted me via email and told me that she was goign to move to Georgia but here she is going back to the college I'm at. And when they said that gossip, they all looked at each other and the conversation was changed...Ugh...It's obvious that my exroommate must have spread gossip about me or whatever. I just don't want people like that in my life. I'm so tired of it. It's just something that isn't necessary. One thing my stupid ex and I used to agree on is that it really is hard to find true friends and that's why he holds his friends in such high regards and holds them as his first priority (most of his friends have been friends since kindergarten). I actually respect that about him...he's a good friend but lousy boyfriend material. I was also not able to hold onto friends from my past because of the way my parents raised me...they isolated my brothers and I from the people in our city which was both good and bad, considering that there is a lot of crime in our city. Well, does anyone have any advice or anything please?
  11. Not sure how many know my story, but the jist of it is that me and the guy that I was head over heels with broke up about the second week of July after almost 10 months together. It pretty much came out of nowhere and he broke it off saying that he just didn't feel that I was the one for him. I left it at that, didn't burn my bridges. I was upset of course, and I don't think I'm yet OVER him, but I'm not in a crippling depression over him. As far as I was concerned, he would always have a place in my heart as my first love. So anyway, maybe two weeks ago, he started messaging my sister on msn. The first thing he asked was if I hated him. My sister immediately called me and I talked her through what she should say. She told him that I didn't hate him (I never did). He asked how I was, she told him I was fine. He said he was still really depressed about the whole thing, that he was feeling absolutely horrible. But he went on to say that he just KNEW it wouldn't work out between me and him, that he knew for months, but that he knew for sure on my birthday (which was beginning of July, around the same time I had a tingling feeling something was just not right). Then they went on for a little while with small talk. About a week or so ago they talked again. I think he was a little tipsy. My sister said that I stay friends with my exes and that he should be friends with me, and then he was saying how his exgirlfriend called him out of the blue the day before. The girl that he broke up with in the 11th grade, but that she was always a lost love to him. That he never hooked up with her later because she had a boyfriend and now she was broken up and blah blah blah. He was saying how unhappy he was and how his life is so complicated. My sister told him that he HAD happiness (with me), but that he let it go so easily. He kind of agreed but got mad at her and logged off. So whatever. The other day, his roommate messages me, who I AM still friends with, and he asked if it was ok if he gives up his msn to my ex (who I had deleted off my msn list). I froze, but said, hey, why not? I doubt he would go to that much trouble to tell me off or something. He was very nice, asked how I was, and said that he really still wants to be friends with me, if I'll let him. He said he just figured I needed some more time. I asked him if he had needed some time too, he said yes, of course. We had some more small talk and then he went to bed. He asked if I would call him sometime, I said yeah ok, I will. I then talked to his roommate for awhile after that, and he mentioned that he had warned my ex that I probably wouldn't want to talk to him, and was surprised when I said ok. I never had any intention of contacting him. He knew where to find me if he wanted to talk to me. The next day I went out to a club with friends, had a few brew, and of course stupid me, I texted him. He didn't know it was me right away (I have since changed my phone number for unrelated reasons), but guessed pretty quick. He said he was glad to hear from me and called me "babe" again, like old times. I kept it short, asked him to the club knowing full well he wouldn't come out, and then he told me not to drink too much and to have a good dance for him. I didn't message him again, didn't hear from him until tonight. He texted me asking me why he never sees me online. I bluntly told him it was because it killed me to see him on my list, so I deleted him, but I would add him back if he wanted me to. He texted back and said that's fair, and that he would like it if I added him back. I told him I would as soon as I got home. He said that's great. So I get home and add him back on my list. He messaged me right away and saw my msn name that I'm sick. He asked if he could bring me anything. I told him I was fine. He said "awwwww, I'm sorry you're sick" and sent me one of those hug smiley things. He said if there's ANYthing that I need, to let him know, to call him anytime. We chatted small talk mostly. About his new car and his new job. I didn't say too too much. He said he had to wake up early so he was off to bed. He said that he will definitely talk to me again soon. I'm so confused. I didn't think I would ever hear from him again. I know from all the advice I've read here that sometimes the dumper will get in contact with the dumpee to make themselves feel better, to make peace with their conscience. But this guy has never apologized. He went through quite the trouble to contact me, even though his roommate, his best friend, told him I won't want to talk to me, he still persisted. He WANTED me to add him back to my list. He was very sweet, and not at all apologetic (I wouldn't expect him to be, everything happens for a reason, right?). My sister is convinced he wants me back. I'm not as sure. I'm not getting my hopes up. But would he go to all this trouble just to be friends? Can he really think we can be "just friends"? Do I want him back? I WOULD take him back. With conditions. I recognize now our relationship wasn't great. We didn't communicate, we didn't talk. All of our problems would have to be worked out. Maybe he's come to his senses? We WERE good together. Everyone thought so. *I* thought so. I think HE thought so too. I think maybe he just needed a bit of time. I'm not holding him to anything, I'm not waiting by the phone. If it happens, super, if not, my life will go on. I'm ok. I WILL be ok. What do you all think?
  12. I have this problem. My fiance is in army. When he came home on leave this past may for about two months, he spent the majority of his time with me and in our apartment. After about two weeks of him spending almost every night at our place, and after numerous comments he made to her, she got fed up and said she wanted to cut back on him staying over. I understood because she pays just as much as I do. We agreed that he'd stay over during the weekends. My fiance didn't like this at all... thought she was just trying to control me and how much time i spent with my fiance, so they pretty much hated each other. He'd be nice to her face, and make numerous attempts to apologize or make things better, but the damage was done. Once my roommate gets an impression of someone it's hard to change it. She was worried about me because my fiance can be rude or blunt at times, and she thought that was how he treated me too. So, my problem. I'm planning my wedding for December, and my fiance insists on talking bad about my roommate (who is also one of my best friends) whenever she gets brought up. He blew up and threw a fit last night because I had to stop by his parents to get an adress book so I can start sending out invitations, and my roommate was running some errands with me. I took her with and we stayed and talked to his parents for about an hour. When he called and I was with my roommate at his parents house, he flipped out asking me how I could take my roommate to his parents when I know he dosen't like her??? I guess I failed to see what the huge deal was, and he couldnt' tell me either. I don't care if they are best friends... that's up to them. But since I am so close to her, and I'm going to be marrying him, I'd like them to be at least ok with each other. My roommate has let go and moved on. She dosen't not like him... she's ok with him and she sees how he treats me good. He on the other hand, can't let things go. He can't let go of the fact that it was because of her that we cut down on him staying the night, and he has this idea in his head that she is constantly talking about him behind his back! Ever since he's left she hasn't said a word... I just don't understand. I thought guys were the ones that were all about forgive and forget and girls were the ones to hold the grudges, but he can't get past this! Any advice on how I can make things better between the two of them?
  13. ok so this new girl that i have been seeing for the last month or so hasn't been around for about a week. she got fired from her job i was trying to help her out. i had some pills that she sold on the street to get some extra cash and she gave me some of the money but wanted to sell some more pills so i gave her about 100.00 dollars worth of pills to sell. the last time i saw her she was sober and not high or anything like that. i thought she was staying the night at my place but she told me she had to have a clear mind for the next day and that she hadn't been sober for a long time. she left my house at about midnight gave me a hug and said she would see me later. but the way she said it i thought was kinda strange. i found out the next day that she had went to a really big party and she never came by to invite me with her. i hadn't saw her since the party and i waited a few days to see if she would show up at my house but she never did. i went to her place and asked her roommate what the hell was going on? her roommate told me i just missed her and that she said she couldn't afford to live there anymore and she was leaving. her rroommmate thought i was stupid for giving her the pills because she was never going to come back and i wasn't going to see her again. she only moved less than an hour away and left all her friends and everything. which i find hard to believe. i went in her room and it didn't look like she packed up much but i know she hasn't been hanging out at the club at all. i'm worried about her, she hasn't answered any of my calls. what do ya think? why the sudden move?
  14. hello, for the first time in a long time i met this guy i really like. we have been seeing each other for about a month a hang out almost every day. he lost his job and i haven't seen him for about a week. i went to his house to see what was going on and his friend told me he thought he was with me. i wnt over again to his house the next day and his roommate told me he had came there and packed up some of his stuff and said he couldn't afford to live there anymore. i tried texting him and he hasn't replied. he only moved 25minutes away but i haven't heard from him at all. i can't believe that he never told me good bye or anything. i don't know what to think at the moment whether it is over or not i'm trying to hang tight but i miss him alot.
  15. hi everyone, just to preface this post, i just fought with my laptop mouse for like five minutes because it wouldn't move, and then i realized it was because there was a giant tear plopped on it. if that tells you anything. anyway, i just moved back to college for my sophomore year. last year i didn't really get lonely or homesick or feel terrible, at all. but for some reason, this year, i am completely lonely. i cry all the time, and i miss living with my family, and i even went back to an exboyfriend that i never thought i would, and i think that's largely because i'm so lonely. my roommate's girlfriend is here this year (she was still living at home last year), and i sort of feel second to my roommate now, when we hung out, just us, all the time last year. i know people will want to tell me to just go meet people, join clubs, etc. but i know a lot of people, and they often want to hang out, but it's just.. it's not there. i'm just lonely. i don't know what to do. i don't want to call my parents because they'll worry. i just want to live at home and never do anything for the rest of my life. i just want to find someone who will love me and not someone who will make me feel like i have to beg and work up points for something like him staying over. i don't know if going back with him and this loneliness are related, because i pretty much started talking to him when i moved back. anyway, i'll do whatever i need to to stop these feelings. i'm starting to feel depressed, and i really don't want to go there. i really just want to get really back into classes, and start clubs again, but it's only the first week. i need something to do. i'm even taking 19 hours because i desperately need things to do. please help me. i'm miserable
  16. hi people. i met a girl about a month or so ago. she use to stop by at my place almost everyday and we hung out together alot. the last time i saw her was about a week ago. i tried phoning her and texting her and i don't get any responses. i heard that she lost her job about 3 weks ago and doesn't have any money. i stopped by at her place and her roommate told me i just missed her by about a half an hour. her roommate said she moved out because she couldn't afford to stay. she only moved about 20 min. from where i leave. she never told me goodbye or anything. i don't know wheather to consider us broke up or not. should i wait for her, move on or what?
  17. I came here a few months ago regarding a short-term relationship gone bad, and was grateful for the advice I got from some of the members of this forum. I have returned now for some more of that good advice. I recently joined a dating site in the hopes of meeting new people, and ended up meeting a guy with whom I had two successful dates before he invited me up to his apartment for dinner with him and his roommate. I accepted and we ended up having a nice night, followed by another dinner party at his place a few days later. That last dinner party went well enough, but the next morning things just felt rather awkward between the two of us for no discernible reason. In the week that has followed, we've kept in touch on AIM but he has not invited me out again, and our conversations have become somewhat dry. I enjoyed his company and am just curious as to what exactly is going on here. Did he lose interest? Was he just concerned with the fact that I am going back to school next week and will have less time for other people than I've had all summer? Is he waiting for me to ask him out again, and should I do so under the current circumstances? Just want to get a feel for what my options are. Thanks!
  18. I will try to make this short and sweet. My roommate and her twin sister are two of my only friends. They are difficult to get along with, to say the least, but I have remained good friends with them since I started school. My roommate continually picks fights with me, is very critical of me, doesn't like that I have a boyfriend, is possesive, is DIRTY, loud, can be mean and * * * * *y, and thinks she is holier thou. However, she is my roommate and we do get along most of the time. She is a very touchy person though and I hate being in the apartment when she is there. To clarify, there have been many many good times to make me still want to be friends with them. Also, I have not confronted them about most of the problems I have with them. I am very passive in person. A new school year is approaching and I am supposed to be in an off campus apartment with her. She doesn't like many people at our school and she is dead set on being my roomie for our third year. However, I now received word from her that her sister (who is also my friend) "doesn't like" her assigned roommate (who is actually very nice, they are just too critical and like to start trouble, which they did last year and we had to move) and she is telling me that her sis has to live with us in the apt. Neither of them drive, so I will have to drive them to school every day. They continually use my stuff, sleep in my bed (sometimes when IM IN IT), use my computer, tell me how to act and always kind of mock me. Kelly you are an airhead, you WOULD do that, you're wearing that?, "you are so stupid", etc. I hate being with them, but I faked loving them as my friends for so long that it is almost too late to lose them. Last semester I really couldn't take it anymore, her sis was always in our tiny little dorm room using my stuff and being loud and blasting their stupid Japanese music, that I stayed in the computer lab almost all night most nights claiming that I "had work to do". My boyfriend tells me to ditch them, but that would be so awkward and they can be volitile. They get mad when I want to stay in and do my homework and I say "no" to driving their fat asses around. They are like 300 lbs each. They eat in my car and get chicken and soda all over my car and don't care. They get mad when I want to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and my roommate gets very angry when I talk about or see my bf. She even said once "I will never like your bf because he taked away the love I have for you". No, she isn't gay either. They are also really really into being African-American, which I have NO problem with, but they are always making fun of white people. WP do this, WP do that...oh that's because you are WHITE. Now, personally, I want to be roomies with this girl my roomie and her sister hate, and let the two of them live together, but I don't think I have the will power to do it. I call her my best friend (I suppose she is...I don't have many friends because I prefer a small amount of friends to a large group) and we already bought stuff for our apartment, but I hate how she acts like the boss of me and I hate the way she treats me and my bf (who isn't "allowed" to sleep over or come over when she is there because she says so) and I want out. How do I tell her "look, I want to be your friend, just not your roomie" without her going ballistic on me. She has a fiery temper and I don't want to lose her altogether. I just want more seperation. A lot more. She will not be friends with me anymore if I move out of our apt and in with the other girl because she will say how could i do that to her, how will she get to school, I must not like her...etc. She will go apeshyt. So, basically...should I bear with it and live with them and keep them as friends. Or live somewhere not as nice with someone I don't know...but have peace and quiet, but lose two friends. Are they assets or downers????? I don't really know. There have been a lot of good times too. She has anxiety issues and is on Zoloft, if that has any bearing on your response. I feel like I am always taking care of their fragile feelings and never am doing what I want to do. Ideally, I would live with someone else and see them for hang out time.
  19. So we have been seeing eachother casually for 10 months, but very serious for 4 months. We have every indication that we are going to be together for a very very long time. I am 28 and she is 19. She is so much older that 19 however. She looks and acts the part of someone 25. ANyway, her birthday is coming up March 16. I told her I obviously wanted to spend her birthday with her and I asked her to go out of town with me for the weekend. The weekend would involve quite a bit of alone time, but during the mornings I would have softball games. She loves softball and loves watching my games. She said sure right away and then a few days later said it would be a bad idea cause she wanted to be home for St. Patty's day cause that is when her friends would probably celebrate her B-day. I had NO problem with this whatsoever and told the team I was not going to the tournament and that was that. I'd rather be with my girl anyhow! She is very sensitive about her age and she has 2 roommates who both think she is 20 and about to turn 21. She never told them this, but never corrected them either. They kept bringing up going out to the bars that weekend. Well, she was getting nervous and wondering what they would have planned. A month or so passed and just 2 weeks ago she says to me "hey, you really want to go to that tournament, don't you?" I said "I'd like to, but spending your birthday without you isnt an option". So she says, "lets go to the tournament...it'll be fun, plus I wont have to worry bout my roommates!" I said like 5 times over the next 2 days "Are you sure, are you sure" and she kept saying "yes". Well, the closer it gets, the more I realize I should have just said "no" to going to the tournament. She isnt as excited as she would normally be for an out of town weekend. So, I know I have to hit another HR with a gift or plan for her B-day! I hit HR's with Christmas and with Valentines Day. She loved the gifts. I got her a Claddaugh ring from Ireland with her birthstone for V-day and for X-mas I got her several things, including a picture that I made for her that professed my love for her. It was framed and she loved it. I picked up on all the little hints thru the month and got her everything she wanted! For her b-day I was gonna take her to get her 2nd tattoo (and I'll still do that) but I need something for the weekend! We will arrive at the hotel around 10pm friday night (the night of her b-day). I am lost and am looking for romantic type, melt on the spot type of gift or something...ANY HELP?????
  20. Ok, this whole thing is very new to me. I have never really had to ask for advice before, but I really don’t know what options I have left. I hope you all can really help me and my boyfriend. First I’ll start with a little background. We are both in our mid twenty’s and gay. We’ve been together for 9 months now and have problems having sex. When we first started going out we both agreed that we were taking the relationship slow. We were always making out, holding hands when we were out at the bars, and touchy feely. After the first month he started not liking being touched, then stopped the making out, then said that we shouldn’t hold hands in public because it looks like we’re insecure to other guys. After about 2 weeks of dating we had sex for the first time and it was really good. After that it was about a every week and a half to two week thing and continues like that to this day. Gradually we built up to once a week; give or take a couple days. We had a talk about 3 months into our relationship and he basically said that he didn’t like when I initiated sex, and that if he wants it he will let me know. Since that day we don’t make out unless we’re having sex, only give little pecks. I decided that I wouldn’t touch him or initiate anything and haven’t since. It also seems that we only have sex when we’ve been drinking or right after arguing. Over the past 9 months I know that I do love him and I know that he does love me, and that is the only reason that I am staying with him, is because I do love him. But the problem with sex has to change. I feel like I should be able to touch him, give tongue when kissing, or initiate sex when I feel like I want it. Here’s what I know about him. Before he met me he lived with an older guy for free that allowed him to live there for two years as long as he would do sexual things with him when the guy wanted. Of course he did that when him and his boyfriend lived there for a year without his ex knowing about it. That is when his sexual problems started. They eventually broke up over it and he continued to live there for over a year and a half with the same arrangement. When we talk about this issue he said that a lot of it has to do because he was not in control of sex; that he would have to do it when he was asked so he doesn’t like being touched or having sex initiated by me because of his “roommate”. He also mentioned a couple times that he is afraid that if I initiate sex and he doesn’t want to do it and tells me that, that I will get mad and he doesn’t want to deal with that. Apparently his old “roommate” would give him attitude and yell at him if he told him he wasn’t feeling like it. I do respect this and because I do love him am willing to work on the problem, but I don’t know where to start. I suggested that he see someone to talk about it, but that is something that he is refusing to do. He has said that when we do have sex that he enjoys it and I believe him cause of how he is when we have sex. He also has told me that he does masturbate when he gets horney. I look at it in two ways. Either in the future he will be better and we will have the honeymoon period that we never had, or I will get to the point that I cannot tolerate the issue and break up with him over it. What I am looking for are ideas to help him through this. What can I do to improve our sex life? What can I do to help him understand that I am not taking advantage of him? Do you think that there is any hope for improvements or is this a relationship a lost cause? Please help me!! Thanks in advance.
  21. I have previously posted my horrible break up story last week...but a quick recap, my boyfriend of 3 years (he's 41, I'm 28 ) broke up with me on Valentine's Day over the phone during my lunch break. This was the second time, as the first he did it over i.m. last June and I took him back towards the end of July. Now, my roommate is a social worker..so she is all about getting your emotions out. So I wrote this letter basically telling him everything I was disappointed with and with him. It's a good letter as you never get a word in edgewise with him...cause he's always right and a complete and utter narcissist. So there is no way I have had the opportunity to say these things before. So, most of my males friends say NO!! Most of the girls...say yes. So I am at a crossroad... Do I send the letter or not?
  22. Does anyone ever get an apology letter from their dumper, or a phone call or anything apologizing for the awful way they treated you? Our 4 year relationship crumbled after she went into self destruct mode after kissing my roommate. She had an affair and left me after she was comfortable enough with him. She was the sweetest girl in the world, and the last several months stopped caring about me at all. The least she could do is send an apology letter, but I wasn't sure if people actually did that.
  23. hey guys (and girls), it would be awesome if i could get some advice. i'm a college student and ride the bus from a parking lot to campus. there is this guy that i keep seeing on the bus b/c we have the same schedule and we get off at the same stops. i think he's very attractive and i know this may sound lame, but we have the same cell phone, which i find ironic b/c i've never seen anyone with my phone before (it's kind of rare, not like a razor or anything common). but anyways, i find this guy really attractive and he totally seems like my type. my roommate keeps telling me that i should just casually sit by him and start up a conversation but i'm sorta old fashioned and would much prefer if guys approached me first. my question is...do guys like being approached first by girls (casually, not like a pick up line) or do they think it's a desperate attempt? i just wanna get to know him, so i don't have any intentions per say. please help me out with what i should do! thank you!!!!
  24. my ex is dating someone else. I don't know for sure, but I finally talked to his roommate (a good friend of mine who I met my ex through) this past weekend. My ex's roommate and I were trying to plan to get together for a drink because he and I have not seen eachother since the ex and I broke up. One of the first things the roommate says to me is that " the ex wants to tell me hi and that he hopes my knee gets better." Although this is all good and nice. And obviously the ex wishes me well. I just didn't know how to respond. I actually didn't even want to hear this because it just made me feel uncomfortable and sad. Then the roommate invited me out Friday night and told me that the ex might be there. He asked me "if I was okay with the ex being at the same place." And I told him, "probably not because I still miss him and a. would feel sad if the ex acted differently toward me because we are no longer together and b. if the ex was there with another girl or hitting on another girl." I then told the roommate that "I might go but that he has to let me know if the ex would be there with another girl." The roommate then said to me "Yes Jane, I will let you know so that you have a heads up." (Aha...does this mean the ex is with another? Probably.) Needless to say, I didn't even call the roommate back that night. Of course I knew that by going it would torture me to see the ex. The roommate and I tried to make plans last night too, but they fell through. I do want to see the roommate because he is my friend, but at the same time I feel so sad again and don't know if I am ready to see him because it just reminds me of the ex. I try to tell myself that this is whole situation is "not about me." I try and tell myself that "just because people move on and date others, it doesn't mean that they are better than me." It just hurts so much to think that the ex is courting someone else. I hate that we run in the same circles. I wish I could just leave this place for a while and come back fresh when I am healed... I just can't stop crying...
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