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About Me

  1. This is going to be a long post so thank you in advance for reading it. My wifes ex has always been somewhere in the shadows. They did talk, I was always afraid this would happen. I was looking at old photos to make look nice for valentine's day, i saw that around 6 years ago, she started liking her exs posts. At the time she told me the truth, she had seen him, she said she felt i was distant. I was not in my right mind as it happened while I was having a mental break down. I was hurt, i felt that at the moment i needed her the most, she went to him, but a year later she t
  2. Something I haven't written about here is that I've been an alcoholic since I was a teenager (I'm 36). Alcoholism runs in my family. My Mum's brother and Dad's father were alcoholics all their life. However I wasn't close to them at all and hardly knew them. My Dad literally never drank because he resented his father's drinking. My Mum hated her brother for his drinking and drinks very rarely and minimally. I started drinking as a teenager because I guess it's a big part of young people's culture here in Australia. Straight away I seemed to have an addiction to it (maybe genetic) and it's
  3. I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was a child. From what I recall, the bulk of the abuse took place when I was 6 to around 11. However I do remember he tried to do it again when I was 12, and at that stage, I knew it was wrong, and managed to get away. He is five years older than me. I think my mother knew what was happening. I once kicked in the glass front door in a temper when they left us alone and she asked me "do you be alright with him here by yourself". The abuse has shaped my life in many ways. For years, I identified as lesbian. It's only over the last few years I
  4. The abusive alcoholic Its been a while since i’ve been here but i need help. Im suffering as the guy i’ve been with for a year has been awful to me. Im embarrassed and ashamed. He is a functioning narcissistic alcoholic who refuses to acknowledge it. He says he drinks to relax. Well large bottles of straight liquor a day to me is not relaxing as one glass of wine is. He”s an angry drunk too. He refuses to spend time with me now, has poor hygiene won’t tend to his foot odor, won’t brush his teeth, spends only about 2 minutes in shower so he never really smells good, has verbally abused me
  5. I've always known I had issues with things like depression and anxiety, but after turning 25 recently it hit me how dysfunctional I am in general and I'm not sure what the best steps are to take to get help. I grew up with an alcoholic narcissist mother (father wasn't there much) and she sent me away to a wilderness and boarding school program at age 16. After getting out at age 18 I didn't know how to adjust back to the real world and started smoking weed all day every day. I also started stripping as I had issues keeping other jobs and focusing in school due to my addictions. It's now be
  6. We talk here and there, nothing major, a text convo or phone call every month or so. Talked to her last time off, I knew she had gone to rehab, a while back. She went to a live in rehab center down in Fl for her alcoholism, got sober on November 26,2018 and has remained so ever scince. I’m as proud of her as I can be. Just wish it would’ve happened while we were together, if so we may have had a different ending.
  7. Hi all, So a couple weeks ago my ex basically just got her uni friend (a guy) to pick her up and not seen her since. She lost her licence to drink driving. It was a very toxic/coercive control relationship from her. Insulting me, what I wore, saying I have no friends, my family hate me. Would split with me briefly and one time tell me she slept with someone and how he ed her real good. That hurt so bad. She's an alcoholic but doesn't think she is, has depression and bad anxiety. Craves attention from guys. Needs so much love due to not a great childhood. Would threaten to kill herself. A
  8. My girlfriend and I have dated for about two years. When we started dating I was aware that she enjoyed drinking alot of wine. During the past year she has increased her drinking. She drinks about a box of wine every afternoon now. She has started to let her hygiene go. She doesn't shower everyday. She goes to sleep real early sometimes. I assume because she is too drunk to stay awake. She has also started neglecting parental duties to her 5 year old. The child doesn't show her any respect and she doesn't discipline the child. Some nights she will have a "movie night" in bed so that she can dr
  9. I don't drink alcohol. For whatever reason, I never started and I don't have any plans to start anytime soon. Is not drinking a deal-breaker for you? I don't mind if other people enjoy an alcoholic beverage on occasion. I don't mind hanging out at a bar if that's where people I care about want ot hang out. I don't do anything to make anyone uncomfortable but I've been told that the simple fact that I don't makes people feel judged. Should I feel limited to people who don't drink if I start dating?
  10. Hello all. After many posts/threads concerning my relationship, I have finally reached the end of it and am not looking back. We are both 23 and an incident that happened Saturday confirmed that this is the right thing to do. A month prior, we went out and he got really drunk to the point of acting obscene in public (cursing loudly and even leaving me by myself as he walked away 1 something in the morning). The same thing happened Saturday except this time he actually put his hands on my arm aggressive repeatedly telling me to shut up and even threatening me to drive drunk and he threatened to
  11. I am so low I have lost everything I never had a happy life, infact I think I was delusional and now im sinking so low that I feel so lost I had few friends and the ones I did have - I lashed out at They are all gone now except for a few of those that have took pity on me However, they live 500 miles away from me I ran away at the age of 27 and started hanging out with new people which was exciting and fun At the age of 28 I even met my first ever bf With total belief I thought I could better This beautiful man. Kind, focused and who had a plethora of friends I be
  12. Hello, I was in a business trip. During dinner in a restaurant, I met a girl with a group of business folks. She offered me her business card. We exchanged professional, cordial emails few times. Then six months later I went back to her town. I emailed her and invited her for a dinner. She accepted it promptly, very motivated. Girl seems to be a professional, good looking, good shape on her early 30's. I know where she works. Very good conversation and according to her linkedin profile well educated. When we left restaurant, we exchanged kisses. During dinner she tells me that
  13. For a while now my dad has been a rather agressive play fighter. He'll do things like hit me with remotes or punch my leg till it begins to bruise. He is also a big alcoholic and when he's drunk he becomes more 'playful' and begins hitting me more. I don't know if this should be considered okay or not. Am i overreacting? Please tell me what you think. I forgot to mention that i always tell him to stop but he continues to do it anyway because he enjoys it.
  14. It's been a while since I posted here. I turned to this site years ago when I was going through a relationship breakup and found it very helpful. I find myself now in a situation where I have absolutely no control over and release and healing seems impossible. My father is an alcoholic and has been since before I was born. There is a lot to say about this but I'm not going to go into too much detail. But my heart has been broken over the years with constant disappointment, shame, fear and resent. For the past couple of years I have deeply resented my father, to the point where I would say I
  15. Hi Everyone, I'm happy to find this site. Today I begin NC Day 1. I had 8 days and then OF COURSE answered the phone one day, and OF COURSE things that were already bad got 10x worse. I'm breaking up with an alcoholic after 3 years. His condition has taken him to rock bottom, blackouts for days. I drank with him for 2 1/2 years, I quit 6 months ago. It's the healthiest, hardest thing I've ever done so it's killing me that this breakup is killing me! I feel like a hopeless codependent, my head knows what's right but my heart is smashed. I can't stop crying (and then accepting that I'm crying ov
  16. Im 28 and SO is 29. We have been in a relationship for going on 4 years now. We have broken it off for a few months last year due to his drinking issues that had gotten out of hand. I took him back with the understanding there would be NO alcohol use. Fast forward a year later to a couple of weeks ago, still sober but leaving a year long program for a DUI that we have in our county that makes him subject to random alcohol testing. Fail and you get jail time. He gets out of the program... immediately runs to alcohol as a way to "relax" as he says. Now, Im not a rocket scientist. And Im not
  17. This is a quote I came accross online today about guys stuck in the dreaded friend zone. "A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison f
  18. So I wasn't feeling so great this morning and my friends dropped by and started making screw drivers. I had one and yesterday I drank a little bit, as well. I'm starting to get a cold which means I'm not going to sleep that well tonight, but I really need to because I have a three-hour drive tomorrow. I kind of want to take some Nyquil so I can sleep, but the back of the bottle has a little warning about taking Nyquil if you drink more than 3 alcoholic beverages a day. I definitely don't drink THAT much, but since I've had alcohol less than an hour ago, I'm wondering if it's a good
  19. About 6 months ago, my [now ex] girlfriend and I broke up. What precipitated it is that she destroyed my ability to trust her due to lying to me more than a dozen times and a few things that just didn't add up. One of them, for example, was that she lost custody of her son to her ex and could only visit him with her ex and his mother present. She claimed her ex got away with telling a bunch of lies in court while having been an abusive alcoholic and drug addict when they were together. I'm pretty sure that the courts wouldn't make a decision in her ex's favor based on unsubstantiated lies, esp
  20. I'm so conflicted. How do you leave somebody you love. I am THAT girl who does not have the courage to leave a toxic relationship. He has no respect for me, he's manipulative, controlling, selfish, emotionally and verbally abusive. Yet I always seem to have a reason to stay. I guess I'm pathetic. I live with him, we got engaged. He tries so hard to make things right but then it happends again and again. He's a liar and a struggling to be sober alcoholic. His family doesn't support his sobriety and I'm the bad guy for trying to help. I can't abandon him because I love him soo my much and I wa
  21. I'm at a loss. Back in October, I was invited to a party, then was told that the party was cancelled. Later that night, I found out it was going on when I checked social media. I thought, if my friends don't want me around then who else does. I had been drinking and was close to ending my life. Before that night I had never had those thoughts when drinking. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since that night and have noticed that, in general, I'm more miserable than I was before I quit. Before, I could have a few run n cokes and not have an issue, but like I said, it was just that night when I h
  22. I've googled some combination of things but can't really find what I'm looking for. Looking for a story of gaslighting. Something similar to what happened in the movie by the same name. But perhaps more modern. Something like how they did in the movie on alcoholism with Meg Ryan. All I can find is guidebooks, how to recognize, how to deal etc. and things like that with excerpts from people. What I was hoping is there's a book telling a whole story from from start to finish from either perspective, victim or abuser, preferably victim.
  23. Hi all, I'm 25 years old dating a 36 year old. We have been together for 2 years, and overall I think we have a fantastic relationship. We want the same things out of life, have good communication, understand how the other person operates, and genuinely love each other. There is never (or very rarely) any jealousy, and we both trust each other incredibly. We don't live together, which for right now we like, but plan on moving in together in a few months. And we plan on getting married if the cards play out. We spend a healthy amount of time together, and engage in a healthy amount of fighting
  24. I'm 18 and my entire life I've had a alcoholic mom. I'll try to keep details short and get to the point but I think some background is necessary. Currently I'm in a relationship with a great girl and we've been together for around 6 months. When we met my life was great, I was in a good place and I was extremely confident and happy. But something's changed and now I'm not as confident and have extreme trust issues and I think I've been slightly depressed. I'm constantly making up theories in my head about her cheating on me or hitting on other guys and it's not fair to her and I want to change
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