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  1. So I went to the hospital at 2:30 AM. They gave me a 30mg shot of Toradol. That only reduced it a bit. They sent me home. I took 2 Tylenol 1 and got in bed at 5:45. I woke up before 7:30 screaming in pain. My husband took me back to the hospital. This time it was another dr. He said he is sure I have Trigeminal Neuralgia and gave me another shot of Toradol 60mg. He gave me 200 mg of carbamazepine . I have to take 400 mg a day. It is an anti seizure medication that will relax the nerve. And he have me hydromorhone 2 mg for pain. They have me lined up to see a specialist. Sorry I am not making much sense I am taking 2 medications which make you very very sleepy and confused.
  2. On the weekend of mother's day, we went shopping for his mom's gift for when we would see her on Mother's day. We had a great time at her place. As we were leaving, she hugged each of us and told us she loved us. She told him he looked like he was doing better than ever. I had the same thought, about our relationship, that in this point in time we were doing better than we ever had. Didn't know it'd all change in a few short days. Spent Monday telling each other happy we were. Tuesday was spent talking about our goals and plans for the future, all involving bettering ourselves. We were seemingly on the same page with everything. And then Wednesday morning.. We both work from home for the same company. Some days are slow for him, and he spent that day cleaning...doing things outside in the yard...and I was working when he walked in the room looking worried, like he had something to say but couldn't. I joked with him and told him to spit it out, he could tell me anything. He almost looked like he wanted to cry and then he told me he'd been talking to his ex girlfriend from 7 years ago. They dated a little over a year. When they broke up, we spent 3 years casually seeing each other (while he healed himself from the fallout of that relationship) and then we made things official. Would have been 4 years living together this October. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and asked if he told her about us. No. So I said I have to focus on work, let's talk about it later. Later comes and he shows me his phone history logs. I notice only one number he was texting at odd hours of the night and ask if that was her. He said yes. Later found out, it was not, it's his mom's number. Then he says he maybe didn't even msg her and was just tripping and read her name. So with his blessing, I messaged her directly..she's in a happy relationship and hasn't spoken to him in years according to her. I try to brush it off and we enjoy the rest of our afternoon and evening alright. We talk about starting a garden and go look at supplies. He's extra lovey and passionate. I think to myself we can maybe work past this.. But as the night comes on, things get really weird.. We spend most the night laying in bed together. He's holding me, kissing me, saying everything about how much he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. We talk about our plans to marry in the next couple years. And then I have a moment of hesitation (thinking about earlier) and pull away. He notices. And things shift. He says how can I act like I love him and then act so cold. I explain I'm just in my head and hurt. He walks away and I follow. He tells me I need to leave and asks how can I do that? I asked what? What did I do? And he insists that I know. I explain that I do not. And he says that I put a hit out on him. WHAT? I grab my phone and walk down the street. Call my mom. Concerned, not sure where this is coming from or what to do about it. Also unsure of his state of mind at this point. I finally come back, still talking to her and my step dad. My ex comes in the room I'm in and I end the convo. They call back and he answers. My stepdad tells him to give me my phone. Things calm back down...we go back into the bedroom and he's back to being loving for a while. Then he switches again and tells me he loves his ex 50 and me 50. He says her body is perfect but my mind is WOW. I apologize for not being good enough. He tells me I am pretty and says he maybe he needs to just learn that he doesn't need to everything that looks good. I ask if he things we are meant to be together and he says he knows we are. Then he tells me how we are experiencing two different realities. Not really sure what he's thinking but this is the point I really start to think he's on something. He starts talking about he's trying to save my dad and boss. Next minute, he's offering me an edible and when I decline, he begins accusing me of trying to poison him. Next, he's in the hallway, laying on the floor with his unloaded gun. Bullets laying all around him..building snot and spitting everywhere. Comes back to the room, and spits at me. Tells me he his pants. I leave the room...and he follows, Then says he is an A.I. that I (Elon Musk) has created. That's it, before he grabs his car keys and our ferret and leaves the house. He comes back a few minutes later and as I hear him pull up, I go outside to hopefully stop him from leaving again, or at least grab the ferret. He sees me and flies into reverse, leaving again. I'm scared for them both at this point. I start walking down the road, hoping to see them. I see his car parked and walk over. They're both gone. I search around the area and nowhere to be seen. I go back to the car and to my surprise it's unlocked, keys inside. I get in and drive around town searching. Nothing. I pull over and call his sister and explain what's happened before driving home, hoping to see them there. Instead, a cop car. I pull into my driveway and two cops come up to me. Ask me if I live there and my relation to him. Explain that he's claiming to be on shrooms, that he also claimed to give the ferret shrooms. Claimed he was saying the government was out for him and he threw the ferret like a rag doll at them. They asked me whether I knew if he was under the influence of any drugs. I said I suspected it but had not seen him take anything. They then tell me the ferret was with animal control and my ex was sent to the hospital for evaluation. He also told them the car was stolen and he was supposed to meet someone there...not sure who that person would have been. One of his sisters stop by and we go get the ferret first and then go to the hospital. Due to covid, we were not allowed in to see him but answered their questions. He was there for a day or two before being transferred to have his heart evaluated. During his time at the hospital, I tried many times to speak with him but any time I tried, he would either hang up or tell them he didn't want to talk to me. I couldn't get any updates from the hospital so I was pretty much at his family's mercy. His mom was awesome...let me know all going on, and even let me come over once. We were all a wreck. When he was finally released, I expected to see him or at least hear from him. It didn't happen, and his mom told me he wanted to be with her for a week and wanted to be left alone. I said I respected that and gave him his space. Couple days later he called. Conversation went terrible..he spent 30 minutes accusing me of everything under the sun...asking why I didn't sound like myself, asking why I was breathing heavy, what had I been doing, had I been cleaning? How much had I been driving his car? Had I been doing drugs? Where was his phone and how could I leave him stranded at the hospital without it? I explained I didn't know where it was but offered to look if he wanted. I found it and he asked me to leave it with his wallet, which he had also left behind. Couple days later, he messaged me from a texting app and asked if we could chat. I said sure. Conversation went much better, mostly positive but not relationship talk at all. He said hearing from me was the highlight of his week and reminded me I am amazing and he's lucky I'm in his life. I again thought maybe we could get past all this. Two days later, Friday, I'm hoping he'll be back for the weekend and I get a call asking.me to leave the door unlocked so he can come get some stuff. Devastated me..when he walker through the door, sick of waiting around, I demanded some sort of answer. He doesn't want to talk. I say just answer me three questions...did you ever love me? Yes. Do you love me? No. Are we done? Yes. I tell him that I need to leave then, he has his family supporting him but I have no one there. He doesn't like that and tells me I should stay, to use his car and move my sister out there (she lives in Arkansae, with a daughter and a job). I explain that's just not logical and not going to work and I'd be calling my mom. His only response is he has a doctor's appt Tuesday and maybe we can talk then and he'd maybe text me before then. He does not text me over the weekend and Sunday morning, I leave with my mom. I let him know where the spare key is to the house and lock everything up. Never hear from him til I'm over halfway into the drive. His question then is if I actually left. I said yes. And he states that I need to help him with my half of everything. I am open to it, but we get into it a bit. Things calm down and he tells me he will call me Tuesday when things are calmer and we can talk about it then. Tuesday comes and goes and I never hear from him. Wednesday morning, I shoot him a text and he responds that he doesn't want my help and he'd handle it himself. I reach out a few times after that, offering to help.. Never hear anything back. And to date, now over a month later, that's the last I've heard from him. Well, last Monday after work, I hear from his sister on fb. She's asking me for our landlords number. I give her what info I have. Little bit later, she's asking me if I have any idea who he's continued to talk to or where he might be. He's missing again. Long story shortened, hes found a couple days later about 4 hours from home. Mental break down and possible drugs. He's sent to the hospital and held there again. Been out a few days now, and I've not heard anything from him despite my numerous (pathetic) attempts. I've literally never experienced anything like this in my life. I remember it so vividly and I've replayed it hundreds of times since then and can't make any sense of it. I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions...
  3. 3 months ago I found out that my husband had been interchanging calls with her female co-workers.The day I found out was 3 days after I had a baby.I was home coming from hospital and that women called,they talked for like 30 minutes.She started asking him about computer problems because h e is a computer technician;and then she kept talking about their job,so they ended up talking for about 30 minutes.The job they do, is to train retarded people ( people who have retarded mind).They teach them how to work and how to take care of themselves.They were working together one day for 13 hours a day.The place they were working in, they were with other people in builidings for 6 hours and then they would stay in builiding themselves with those retarded people for 6 hours,and they would drive together themselves at the end of work during night. After I heard him talking to her I asked him about her and he said that she was talking about what happened at work with their clients since she was covering his shift,while he was with me in hospital.Those clients have issues most of the time about their behaviors ,so that's what she was talking about.What I could hear from my husband was really,shirt,she should be fired no other comments.I got upset I entered the other room and then when I come back he had hanged off the phone.I told him that I don't want those calls from women,and he said he was gonna ask her to do not call him anymore. 3 weeks after I caugh a multimedia message to him from her which was a greeting of a pappy surrounded by flowers,kind of saying I miss U,but it didn't have any words on it.When I asked him about it he said that he doesn't know why she sent it.I got too upset and I told him that I want to meet both of them at theirwork and hear him telling her to stop calling him and sending messages,since I didn't bebieve he ever told her to do not call him anymore.He refuse saying that he doesn't want to loose his job.So he picked up the phone and he called her.He said"don't call my cell phone anymore because it is putting me in trouble,it is making my wife upset,and I don't want it to happen again,and don't send any messages".He hanged off and he told me that she said she would not do it again.After that she told their manager that me and my husband harassed her.Their manager separated them from working together.Since then they didn't work together until now.And few days later she accused him at their boss that my husband wasn't doing his job well.I heard all that from him. I went though the bills and I found out that there were several calls between them.I found that at the end of November and calls were for 3 months.Most of them were less than 10 minutes ,the long 0ne was 36 minutes,and few of them were between 10 and 20 minutes.There were few days when they called each other up to 4 times a day. When I asked him what the calls are about he said they were talking about job ,nothing else.He aplogized admitting that he made a mistake ,because he even called her few times after I sked him to stop.He said that the calls are long because the lady talks a lot. Well this is to confusing to me.I am very deppressed about it!It has been 3 months ,it can't get out of my mind.I am always asking him if he cheated on me,he says, no I didn't do that.He say that calls were just about job.However the calls are a lot ,it is hard to believe it!This drive me crazy ,I need to know the truth!In those days I saw some changes about him Which I don't remember very well.Iwas about to give birth.I am sorry this is a long story,I need help .What do you think ?Do you think this was an affair or I am just deppressing myself for nothing?I talked to one of his friends and he told me that one time my husband mentioned to him that, that womn was telling him about her sexual relationship with her boyfriend,and he told him that if he wasn't married he could do whatever he wants with her, because of the behaviors she was showing him.What do you think about this? What do you think was going on?Please help. I
  4. Sorry for the length of this but I just need to vent and it covers the last year has been total hell. But today is the first day of the rest of my life. About a year a go I had a great social circle both at University and in my local area. Then my Godfather who I am really close to got ill. As it was the hottest summer in the UK ever and with people sweating more than normal he started sweating inwards, and it led to him putting on 70 pounds in water weight, water everywhere, head, body, legs, arms. It made so lathargic I thought he was going to die and he wouldn't do anything about it. My best friend who has a 2 year old son, my Godson, had problems posted about previously, she met a new man and we started seeing eachother less frequently, and whenever I asked for her support she made excuses to be with her new man. As my Godfathers health deteriorated, my fathers already poor health worsened, he ended up in hospital as well, he isn't a very good patient, very demanding, it put huge strain on my Mum and me. As a result my Mum turned to drink, to the point where one night she passed out in the passage, and couldn't move or respond to me. My uni work suffered my relationship with my best friend became non-exsistent as she decided she "Didn't need me anymore" and my Father and Godfather were seriously ill. I lost it, I didn't care about anything, I hated life and whatever higher power is up there. My Godfather eventually after 3 months in hospital recovered and my Dad also recovered, my Mum addressed her achohol problem although it still ain't perfect, and I lost my best friend and Godson the person who meant more to me than anyone. I loved making him laugh comforting him when he cried, helping him develop. One of my fondest memories is of being at the hospital with him and my friend when he was ill, he was getting better and was taking his bottle from me while my friend slept on my shoulder. It was all gone. 5 months later and I have quit University after failing 5 out of 7 courses, but I have renewed hope. I know what I will do with my future and I know how I am going to get there. I will do an accounts A-Level and get an A to add to the A in Law, B in Business and C in English Language. I will be doing an IT course gain some formal IT qualifications, I will get back into University and complete a Law degree and become a Lawyer specialising in Family law. I will support the people I care about I will be mentally stronger. Sorry if that sounded arrogant, but with renewed hope comes renewed confidence. By the time I am 25 I will have done all the above and I will do it all with the thought of my Godson driving me on to do it.
  5. My Mom has had Alzheimers since 1996. She has forgotten how to cough, and has alot of phlegm in her chest right now. I am inducing coughing by inserting my finger down her throat and pressing down on her stomach, but it is only providing limited amounts of coughing and phlegm release. I can't find information anywhere on how to make her cough!!! Please, if anyone can help me, please write. I don't want to take her to the hospital again; the last time I did that, they gave her a medicine that caused a stroke and took away her ability to walk. Thanks in advance for any suggestions and help on how to clear her lungs of the phlegm.
  6. hey my name is Stefanie and im onli 13 years old ever since i was lil i hav always been overweight so in the summer of 2003 i decided to lose the weight so i stopped eating aka became anorexic then in september of 2004 i was admited in to the hospital and gained the weight bak then wen i left the hospital i lost the weight again coz i got sick again then i decided to start eating again so then i did and then i gained more weight then i had to so now im at 115 pounds and i dont wanna stop eating again coz living dat way was lyk HELL!!!! so my mom put me in the gym CURVES and ive been goin there for a lil bit but the thing is im not sure if i should diet coz i dont wanna stop eating all the stuff i lyk and people say that i should just eat healthy and excersise and imnot sure if thats gonna work so my plan is to lose 15-20 pounds in 2 months do u think dats possible becuase im used to excersisin everyday for 2 hours so do u think i will lose the weight in 2 months by eating healthy and excersisin????
  7. Ok so i'm new on here but i've searched everywhere on the internet & it seems as though nobody is having my problem. I started birth control back in August & I stayed on it for 2 months & I started losing unexplainable weight & I thought it was the birth control so I quit taking it....well it is about 6 months later & my problem all of a sudden came back the other day. I got a stomach ache one night & thought it's just something going around well I have had a stomach ache for a little more than a week now and I throw up every time I eat or even drink anything & i'm losing a lot of weight again & lastnight i had this sharp pain where my heart is, it felt like I was having a heart attack but then it just went away, I told my mom about it but she said she felt sick for about a week or so a couple of weeks ago & that I am probably fine, I am thinking I probably need to go to the hospital especially if I cannot eat, anyone know whats wrong with me or what to do?? *Nikki*
  8. My boyfriend and I have plans to go out tomorrow night. We have dinner reservations and are going to the theatre. This night is my valentine's present to him. He has known about it for 3 weeks. Tonite I got a message from him saying , "hey baby it's me, my son is in the hospital. Call me back when you get a chance. If I don't answer, it's because I am inside." I haven't been able to reach him yet. Here's the thing. I have been really uneasy about our night out. I asked him at the beginning of the week if he sure he would be able to go. He keeps a busy schedule (sometimes i think conviently too busy) and he's very spontaneous so I have just felt uneasy about making all these plans. When I've tried to make plans in the past, it hasn't worked well. Given the history I have with my BF, I'm almost wondering if he is using his son as an excuse not to go out. I feel horrible for thinking this about my BF but I feel like I have a reason to. I have already spent mucho bucks on tomorrow night (clothes, pedicure, shoes, hair stuff, tickets) and the tickets are non-refundable. I almost want to ask him to prove that his son is in the hospital but I can't find a way to do that tactfully. I don't know why he would want to stand me up but I just had a feeling this was coming and if I find out that he's lying....it will be the straw that broke the camels back. And this camel has been carrying A LOT. What do I do????
  9. Well, it started when I got hired at the hospital. There's this chick that works there who caught my eye. But you know those people who are so attractive to you that you just want to wait for the perfect time to talk to them? Well, it's been a year and I finally got the 'nerve', i guess you can say, to talk to her. And we talked and got along great. (This is when i saw at the college one day). So the next time i saw here, which was at work, she was saying that she needed to take an online quiz an didn't have a computer. I told her i had a computer and so she came over to my house after work, about midnight. We did her quiz and we talked till like 2 am. All a while she would, every once in a while, touch my arm and my leg. When she went to leave, she didn't know the way out. So I drove out and let her follow me to a gas station, where I asked her out for sat afternoon and she agreed, then i let her follow me until she knew where she was at. When I turned around to go home, she called me and we talked till about 3 something. Well, I've never actually dated before. It always just ended up that i was with someone. All my relationships started off kinda weird. But, i have this other friend who works at the hospital, we'll call her G. I felt i could talked to her about anything. But when i told her about this new girl she got all upset, she even cried. And said she was sad because if i started dating this other chick, i would never have time for her anymore. Then she preceded to talk to this women who works with the other chick. And this women told her all these stories (bad ones) which were later related to me by G. And then later that night, she told me she was sorry for telling me that stuff and that she just felt she had to for being my friend. And that she wishes things work out b/t us and she was giving me these pointers: dress nice, smell nice, open doors, bring her a lil' gift, give her a kiss on the cheek when i first see her, etc... ok, that was a little weird, why would she tell me bad stuff about her and then turn around and wish it would work out b/t us? She also said that maybe something happened in her life that made her the way she is and that she deserves a chance or something like that. but to go back to my story, this girl i'm taking out is REALLY hott. I'm not nervous or anything, but like i said, i haven't really dated much. But aside from the obvious (opening doors, dressing and smelling nice, etc..), what else would be some goods things to do, or not to do? Is it it cosher to hold her hand and be a little feely with her? I am totally confortable with her. If anyone has any advice or success stories they would like to share, it would be most helpfull.
  10. I'll start off by saying that the last few weeks have probably been the toughest of my life. Everything that could go wrong has done and anything that can go wrong probably will. To start I broke up with my long term girlfriend after finding out she'd been meeting some other guy. I'd known about it before and I trusted her when she told me they were nothing more than friends. However, it developed into more and I couldn't take any more. So we broke up and it's hurt me alot. However, things on that front are slowly getting better. At the time where we were splitting I also had to endure the anniversary of my father's death which, again was difficult, especially given the state of mind I was in. However, after all that, i had to pick myself up. I started back at Uni last week and I had to get myself focussed for going back. But, with my overdraft at it's peak and me already owing money out to various people, it was typical that my student loan and bursary application got messed up. So, I'm still awaiting the arrival of that and dreading the direct debit payment at the end of the month if it's not through in time. Then I was struck with the news that out whole housing estate is to be demolished as the houses are no longer safe. The materials used to build them are starting to disintegrate and the houses are basically falling apart, so it looks like we'll have to move away from here. (deanssouth.tk). And, just as I thought things couldn't get much worse, my grandmother was taken into hospital on Thursday having suffered a relapse of a stroke she had before. It looks like she'll be ok *fingers crossed* but it's still worrying. Things can only get better I suppose. I must be about due some good luck anyway.... a lottery win would suffice!
  11. Hello Everyone, First post, but I've lurked for ages. There is a man in my life that I have known all my life...he was there the day I was born. I have been in love with him since I was about 4 years old, and he was 6. Everyone in my family and his knows how I feel about him...it's not a secret. We've been off and on for as long as I can remember. Neither one of us has ever been married, but we've both come close a couple of times. He usually went for the "barbie doll" type when we were younger, and I'm not that type. I was very heavy when I was a teenager, but I'm getting smaller all the time (I guess now, at 38, I'm what you would call "full figured," and he says I'm beautiful ). The only times we have ever been physical have been when he's been drinking...that's when his guard is down. Those are also the only times he's ever admitted having any feelings for me at all...until this past May... When my uncle died, this man that I loved suddenly appeared from nowhere, offering love, comfort and support like he never had for anything before. He was sweet to me, loving, more affectionate than ever, and we spent a wonderful month or so together...I can't say it was like the old days, because the old days were never like this. He assured me he had left his live-in girlfriend, and that they were never getting back together...they had broken up before, but he never bothered to adamently assure me about it before. We talked about the future, and he alluded to the fact that I was going to be a part of his future. He even brough up the subject of babies. I didn't push, I didn't force any issues, I just loved every minute of being with him...and then all of a sudden, he was gone, back to her, because according to his family and friends, he needed a place to stay, and didn't want to bother trying to get one with anyone else. I don't know...all I know is he left without a reason or a goodbye. This past week, the man I love suffered a heart attack on the job...we almost lost him. When I found out, I rushed to his side. SHE was not there...she was out "getting him some clothes" or some such nonsense. I'm sorry, but I would have SENT for that stuff...I'd have never left his side. When it came time for him to be sent to the nearest major city for surgery, SHE DIDN'T GO WITH HIM...I didn't go because I didn't want to make trouble, but when I found out she wasn't there with him, I rushed there to be with him. She didn't even go visit him up there at the hospital! I cannot believe this woman. I went to him and visited with him and his mom, took him things, fluffed his pillows, etc...all the things you do for the man you love. When he left the hospital there, he went back home because he said he wanted to be "where all his stuff was"...I didn't understand the remark at first, but turns out he had been planning on leaving her before the heart attack! For me? I don't know...but now he's there again...and I'm in hell. I guess my question is...what do I do now? Do I wait, and see what happens? Do I make a move? What do I do? When he was in the hospital, and the time before that when we were together, he told me he loves me...how do I handle this? Do I just give up and let her have him? She's no good for him, she doesn't treat him right, and he was ready to leave...but I'm afraid he'll slip back into that role of complacancy again if I don't do something. I've loved this man for over thirty years...please advise. Thank you...and sorry this was such a long post.
  12. OKay....I have this friend who I am not too happy with right now. We have been friends for about 4 years...on and off. She has this nasty habit of ditching people. With me....about every 3-6 months she will up and ditch me. When we have plans, I always follow up with her to make sure we are still on (ie: to make sure she doesn't ditch me). 2 saturdays ago, we were supposed to go to a movie. I called her at work in the afternoon....she tells me she was going to the doctor because she was sick (which I knew). So...not a big deal, tell her to call me when she is done to make sure she is okay. She calls me later...I said I was with a friend going to study and I tell her if she is up to it, come by and have a coffee...she says most likely she will. So I tried calling her a few times during the evening...she doesn't answer her phone. I was getting worried. Then she calls at midnight, freaking out and literally hysterical because her and her boyfriend had a huge fight. So we go out for a quick coffee...I help her, etc, etc. So the Tuesday after, we were out for dinner with one of my other friends...and she starts telling HER what happened with the fight with her bf. Now, with me she said "we were leaving the hospital....", then when she was retelling the story she says "So, there was another 45 minutes until the movie started...". SO I say to her...."were you at the hospital or the movies?"....and she says "oh, I am confused" and reverts back to the story being told from the hospital. I was like fine, whatever and left it alone. So the Saterday that just passed, we were supposed to go see the movie that we didn't get to see previously. I tried calling her all Friday evening....and left a few messages. She pretty much ignored me, and didn't call me back. Tried calling her on her break at work Sat, she didn't answer her phone. So by this time I knew I was getting ditched. See, she does this when she is going to ditch someone....pretty much ignores them until the very moment she is supposed to be somewhere, then says she can't go. So, I call her when we are supposed to be meeting, and she says "I don't think I can make the movie tonight...my mom called freaking out and I have to go to this family meeting". I say to her "I tried calling you all last night"....and she said very quickly "I was asleep"...then suggests that if she was done in time, then we could get to the late show. Needless to say, she didn't call back. The thing is, when she has a real "reason", she always calls as soon as she can't make it, apologizes, and makes plans for another night. THIS is how I know that she was lying through her teeth. THEN, when she thinks someone is mad at her, she just ignores them because she doesn't want a "confrontation". I have told her many times before that it is the "ignoring" that makes me even angrier than the ditching. I just see it as a complete lack of respect for my time, as I am always the last to know.....and it is always too late to make plans with someone else....so I sit at home, while she is out doing something "better". She has also complained to me about another friend who does this exact thing to her....how ironic. I left her a message on Mon night saying "if you aren't going to ignore me for 2 weeks, call me".....I haven't heard anything from her. We never talk about this problem properly because she avoides me until she thinks I have "forgotten" about it. We talk everyday, and see each other at least twice a week....so she is more than an aquataince. I am really tired of chasing her. I don't want to stop being friends with her....but if this is going to continue, then I don't want to be around her. What am I supposed to do now?
  13. This quite possibly has been the toughest and hardest week of my life. Last Sunday as I posted about here ( link removed ) Was my Godson's 2nd birthday hard because I was shut of his life 9 months ago being told "I don't need you anymore I have my boyfriend now". Tuesday was my 20th Birthday I woke up at 5am. Not because I was excited but because I heard my Dad screaming in pain. I went to him and woke up my Mum who called an Ambulance at about 5:30am he went into St Georges Hospital. Where he underwent tests. He was put onto the surgical assessment ward awaiting further scans and tests. He never got the scan done on Tuesday partly due to a Bank Holiday backlog and partly because the Hospital was struggling to control his breathing, as I left him at about 8pm on Tuesday night he was in pain but apart from that was chatty and seemed ok. The next day my Mum went up to the hospital in the morning and again he was chatty and the pain control given had started to kick in. We were told to call in the afternoon which we did, we were told he had gone down for his scan. We later called back to be told he was ill and he wanted us at the hospital. We get there and the change was unbelievable. He had swollen to twice his size. He was incoherent shouting God Bless America, saying goodbye and wondering what he had done to deserve what was happening to him. He was struggling to breath even with the aid of a mask. We were told that either he had suffered a ruptured Gall Bladder or another part of his bowel had died, whatever the cause fluid was seeping out of his stomach, his only chance was surgery. After spending 4 hours waiting at the hospital we were told that he couldn't have the surgery immediately due to the his blood levels being too low so his blood wouldn't clot during surgery. We were also told it would be a minimum of 4 hours before the IV fluid designed to increase blood count would take effect. We go home and at about 3:15am Thursday we get a call saying his breathing had deteriorated and there was no chance of him surviving surgery and that he would die. I decided I wanted to say goodbye so my Mum and myself go to the hospital at 4am to say our goodbyes. He looked so peaceful like he was sleeping normally as they had given him morphine to get him comfortable. We leave at 6am and then at 1pm we get another call saying we were to get to the hospital ASAP. My cousin who had come over gave us a lift but unfortunately he had died just before we got there. To say this was a shock is an understatement. There was no prior indication anything was wrong before Tuesday, in fact on Sunday he was as happy as he had been in ages making all these plans for things he wanted to do, cracking jokes. Friday I had to go to the Town Hall to cancel my University funding as I have to go to work now and support my family. But I decided to go to a Jewelers and get a watch my Mum and Dad had brought me for my BDay adjusted so I could wear it. It was an Aresnal watch (my favourite Football/Soccer team) the Jeweler starts his work and then notes to his assistant "We got an Gunner here." She replies: "Someone has to be are they all as glum as him?" I was so angry I swear I nearly bit a hole in my tongue. I can't believe this week, my Dad and I had all these plans for the future he was going to fund me through some further education I wanted to do outside of Uni, he was going to teach me to drive. He was someone that I truly didn't know how much I needed in my life and how much I appreciated him until he is gone! There are so many things I never got to say to him and so many things I regret saying and doing. I can't believe he is gone!
  14. ok, i feel a little better... ok, i just want to now what the *beep* is wrong with me. I was with this girl for 3.5 years and we broke up like 2 years ago and ever since then i've been alone and lonely and can't seem to find a nice girl anywhere, at least keeping them. But I dated this girl for about 2 months and it didn't work out and she moved way up north. Then I met this other girl at the hospital we talked, got freaky but we decided to just be friends. Then i met another girl at work (hospital), she flirted like crazy gave hints like telling me how gorgeous or cute i was and once said something about getting me drunk and taking advantage of me. But she was just a big flirt cuz i found out later that she wasn't interested in dating me...something about "maybe later" but *beep* that! That's kinda rude to say something like that but whatever. So recently i met this other girl at work lol....the hospital is pretty big. And this is the first time i've let a girl get close to me in over a year. We talked for about two weeks, made out, little stuff like that. I met her mom and blah blah. Then like two days after imet her mom, she told her that I was too old for her and that she needed to stop dating older men. She has a history of this i guess. So that's how that ended. But it's like i can get numbers and dates and what not but it hardly ever goes any further than that. They say i'm attractive, fun, and an awesome person but then there's this lame *beep* excuse about why they won't date me or someone else comes between us. i'm about ready to just give up and start doing what I used to do. Run with every chick i see. I just don't understand why when i finally decide to set a committment with someone, something happens. I'm not conceded but i'm not a lil' girlie guy either. I think i'm too nice to girls. I was talking to one of my chick friends and she said i' need to start being an A-hole to girls to get 'em....anyone have any advice or just any thoughts on my situation or what i can do to change my fate? I'm so sick of getting all kinds of numbers and talking to all these girls and never really having a relationship. If no one has anything to say, thanx for lisetning anyway...
  15. i have absoloutly no idea what is wrong with me. i dont know if the DSM can describe it . i binge, i purge, i hsve cut myself since 7th grade( im 20 now) =, i drink 6 nights a week. im afraid that ever minute there might be something wrong with me, like a pulmonary embolissm or an arotic diss3ection, in other words, im a hypoconriac. i have no f**kin clue what is wrong with me. I cant aford a shrink. Anyone have any ideas ?????????? ---[added by Secret_Agent_Man from later post by liz92882]--- i dont know what im doing on this site, im not very internet oreinted. sorry. ok, tell more. all that i know is that i started cutting myself in 7th grade, and im still not sure why. i stopped for awhile and then my senior year of high school, my mom, who suffered from multiple sclerosis, started to lose it, and i mean physcolgically. She saw bugs and people who did not exsist. its still really hard to talk about. i dont like to get into it. but, we ended up puttin her in a hospital, and the whole 2 months she was there, i went into her room one time, and when i was there, she had no idea who i was, at all. So, i just stopped going to the hospital altogther. Then, she ended up dying in may of 2001. And i guess thats when everything got F**KED up. I started gettin drunk every night, doing meth, cutting myself, AGAIN. Binging , purging. And 2 years later , its still the same, i have scars all along my arms , on my legs and on my stomach. ITS DISCUSTING. I just need t o lnow other peoples opinion, please _________________ Elizabeht gergen --------
  16. Dino was born with Myotubular Myopathy; a rare, inherited muscle disease that manifests itself as a defect in the cell structure of voluntary muscles. At 17, Dino stood at 5'8" and weighed 105 lbs. On a good day, he could lift about 5 lbs total. His face was slim, his body unusually skinny, causing cruel and curious stares wherever he went. He always dreamed of knowing someone who would love him for who he was. His family loved him so much, and his friends at school admired him. But he wanted a special relationship; one that could not be shattered by any human restraints. One that would not be effected by how he looked. Living for so long without this relationship, coupled with the restrictions of his condition, he became depressed, and sought things that would make him feel better. But he found no joy in shallow things. He would become happy for a time, but it was short-lived. Then one day, from fate beyond coincidence, he met a girl. A girl who loved God and had a faith she wanted to share. Dino had faith in God as well, and knew he wasn't depending on Him for all his problems. As Dino and his new-found friend became closer each day, God allowed him to see where he would find true happiness; by having dependence upon Jesus for his troubles. For the first time in his life, Dino was truly happy. He felt the presense of Jesus, and he was in love with a girl, who also loved him deeply. There was one problem, however. The two in love had never met. They only knew each other online. Dino never told her that he had a disease. He wanted someone to love him for who he was, not because they pitied him. He was going to tell her. She was going to go see him graduate. She would find out then...But it was too late. Dino didn't go online for a while. The girl became more worried each day that went by. Finally, after emptying her pockets of money, she got a hold of his unlisted phone number. She called and called, when finally a man answered. "Is Dino there?" "....Dino is very sick," came his heart-breaking reply. "He is in the hospital..He probably won't make it.." Her entire life seemed to come to a halt. In a blur of tears and pain, she and her mother frantically booked a flight to leave that very night. Flying from one end of the US to the other, they arrived around 9 AM and went to New York Presbyterian Hospital, floor 9, ICU. Dino's family heard of the girl for the very first time when she called the night before. It was a shock to them when they arrived at the hospital that morning and found her there. They quickly made the decision to allow her to stay with them. The family stayed at the hospital all day, and went home late every night. The girl loved Dino so deeply. She couldn't believe that this boy she was so in love with was so sick. She wanted him to wake up, to look into her eyes, to tell her he loved her.. But he would not be able to wake up from his coma. With all the hope in her heart, she prayed he could hear her as she whispered in his ear every day, telling him of her love for him, how she would never let go, how she loved him unconditionally.. On that dreaded day, family gathered around Dino, prayed over him, sang to him..Then they let him go.They removed him from life support. The girl held his hand, as he left her, left his family, left his earthly life..She watched him slip out of her hand as he ran gleefully into an eternity with Jesus Christ. As she watched him go, with tear filled eyes and a wrenching knot in her heart, she realized their love would last forever. You will always be my angel, Dino. Although we cannot be together now, I will be with you again some day. I will always love you. Dino Andrea April 8, 1985 - February 7, 2003
  17. Okay about a year ago, I tried suicide at the age of 20, I was really depressed, scared, anxious, needed away out, but after when I tried to kill myself I didn't really do a good enough job of it, I woke up in hospital and found I had stiches all over me, from there I went even more down hill and was put in a mental health hospital, I think I started too pick up in the mental health hospital pretty sharpish, as I noticed a change, a different routine in my life, which I kinda liked, I was meeting people I usally put off, when i was let out I had to go too continue too see shrinks an all that, at the time I was scared too leave the house, I wouldn't take any medication as I thought doctors were ploting against me in some crazy way, to put me back in hospital or somin, I have came along way in a year, I am now working, able too drive my car now which I was scared of, I go out with my friends places but not everywhere I wish I could but I'm too scared, I get a little jealous when they go on holidays and go clubbing thoses sort of things where there may be alot of social interaction, I really find it hard too still talk too girls, I started to think people may think I'm gay because my best mate is "but I'm not" I spend alot of time around him and only ever interact with lads cause I carn't with girls, I tried too talk too a couple of girls at the weekend but loads of negative thoughts, like they think I'm misrable, Rude, Ignorent, come into my head, I saw them today and said hello, but as I walked passed them I imagned them straight away pulling faces, too say "Oh it's him" "I don't like him" all these maybe false thoughts in my head, which may not be true, but it stops me talking too girls. as I think just naturally girls arn't meant too like me. I've even thought if I can talk to my gay mate I should be able too talk too girls no problem, but that still dosn't work.
  18. Hello all I've been lurking around this site for a few weeks and it has given me a great deal of encouragement and perspective in trying to move on after losing the love of my life. Thank You to all who contribute to this site. I don't really have a question, I would just like to vent my frustration. My ex broke up with me almost five months ago and I still find myself pining for her. She hasn't even given me any hope or mixed messages but the urge to call her still dominates my consciousness. The way we met seemed like fate, something that I was always very cynical about before. When I was a student I was diagnosed with renal failure and started dialysis. As you can imagine this was a traumatic time for me and I slowly shut myself off to the world, I acted cold and heartless and dropped my then girlfriend rather than let her into my hell. I also allowed many friendships to wane, not having any motivation to continue in the mental state that I was in. Although I never realised at the time, this was a survival mechanism for me. Although my external appearance was brusque and severe, inside I was still the bright, intelligent man I thought I was before. Perhaps this dichotomy kept me going. There was a nurse who worked on the dialysis unit who I had a huge crush on, but for many reasons I never acted on my desires. She left after a couple of years and I soon thought less of her. Then, last November, after 8 years I finally got a kidney transplant. As I walked onto the transplant ward, she was there on placement. I could.t believe my luck. It was wonderful to meet her again and let her know that I wasn't the monosyllabic ignoramous that she thought I was. The transplant transformed my life, both physically and mentally. I felt a surge of euphoria that have not experienced before or since. During the week I was in hospital we connected and there was a real spark between us but there was never a question of anything happening. The day before I ws discharged she came to say goodbye to me for the last time. We hugged and I pecked her on the cheek. It was a very sweet tender moment which touched me. I was just so pleased to have seen her again. The week after I came out of hospital a coincidence of Shakesperian proportions happened. As I went out to get some shoping, a car pulled up beside me and she got out of the car. I was shocked. We made some smalltalk and I asked for her number. I never expected her to give me it but she did and we got involved in a very loving relationship. The ease with which we connected on intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical levels was incredible and despite my natural caution, my feelings for her went from lust to smite to infatuation to love very quickly. I always thought of love creeping up on you and this was totally overwhelming on top of the euphoria I was feeling from regaining my health. The relationship was very loving, despite both of us having outside pressures and went very well for six or seven months. She never let me down, I don't think I let her down and we never had a major row about anything. Then, as many of you will know only too well, came the bombshell. According to her the spark had gone and she wanted to remain as just friends. I was devastated. She never told me what happened as to why her feelings changed and the not knowing still burns a hole deep inside me. The only contract I've had since we broke up was to send her a Birthday card and aletter thanking her for the happiness she gave me and a short but friendly phone conversation. Yet I still think about her, still want her (or my idealised image of her) and I can't seem to let her go from my heart. I keep busy but with anything I do, I want to share with her and I can't anymore. I should be so happy and yet my confidence is shattered and I seem to have little motivation. Any advice as to how I can pick myself up would be welcome. Sorry about the length of this missive. It has helped me put my thoughts together. Thanks for reading.
  19. Hey guys... If you are a man with already little patience usually, and sometimes have a short fuse...IF you are talking to say an ex gf, or just any girl who is extra sensitive and emotional woudl that annoy you. For instance, i had a talked to my ex online because i wanted to explain to him why i was being bitch and/or weird to him the nite b4 when he tried to speak to me.He had broken his nose and he wanted to tell me what happeend, and tell me he was in the hospital the past weekend..Well he just said i didnt think anything of it, i wasnt mad ..And he was just giving me one word answers and not seeming as interested to talkt o me...So stupid me pressed the issue, adn said you can tell me the truth..And i thought he was giving me the cold shoulder..He just said no but i have smoething to do...which was fix his computer and then shower.. All i had wanted to do was explain y i was being rude to him (cause it hought i coulda been mroe sympathic though he doesnt really deserve it), and he was just giving me short answers like he didnt wanna tlakt o me.. Then he said, someone came over his house and he had to go but said i'll talk to you soon.. See when he acts out of the ordinary i jsut wonder if hes pissed or if hes uninterested in me.. I guess i need someoen to tell me whether i am being way too sensitive.. Was he just anoyed bc i was pushing at him and he didnt really feel like talking? Just last night he was exccited to speak to me but i wasn't myself...And now today he was jsut shrot and brief and not that excited....Big deal or nothing at all? Do i take this as him losing interest in me? i was just doing good with him.. He has been wanting to speak to me a lot,a nd been initiating the convos. and now i feel like i messed up..Wat do i do to erase wat i did and be at an advantage again...Im stupid for even explaining myself, now its a lot worse off for me. When ur dealing with your ex, u just want to be sure you never make a wrong dumb move. i know i'd still stay and talking to him online if my friend came over or if i was fixing the comp.. Ig uess everybody is different. P.S. -we are only 20 yrs. old.
  20. lately i have been thinking about killing myself..... i mean all people ever do is like treat me bad get me in trouble with my parents and i feel if i left it would be for the better... all i do is sit arpound listening to my mom yell at me all after noon and she never lets me leave the house, i feel as if i am a caged animal and i have nothing to live for...... i have comitted suicide a lot of times wheather it was through oding, slitting my wrist, or drinking so much i would pass out and i would want to throw up and choke on my own vomet..... i need some help and i dont know what to do, i am sad and not feeling to sure about things any more... and i dont want to have to ever go back to the hospitals so if u have any idias please just help
  21. Well i just get stright to the point. It all started last year when i met this girl. She was amazing she had made me feel real nervuse around her and just gave me this feelin i have never felt before. She was really sweat. She had made me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. well it was going good for the first few months we were dating but then over the summer i had gone to australia. Well i had a good time thier but i missed her a lot. After i got back she siad i have changed i had became a jurk more or less and she didnt like it. Well a few more moths went by and then it all happened every thing started to crash. i hsd kiss a couple of girls and didnt tell her. well then she found out like they always do. she forgot and forgave but she kept bringing ti up every time we fought. We were fighting all the time now and it wasnt so great. we still had our good times but they were also more of the bad. Throught this time my aunt had died and my uncle tryed to kill himself. Well after a while she got fed up with everything and dumped me. It was like my world was coming to and end i couldnt handle it. It made me feel like my heart was just riped out of me. i felled so lonly and unwanted by every body i just want one last chance with her. But the bad thing was i would leave it alone. I would call her all the time and like keep tabs on her because i didnt want her to find andother guy. So i jsut push and push and was feeling this unwanted pain that jsut felt like my world was coming to an end. So like a stupid a$$ i O.D. 'ed i was in the hospital for a couple of days and she tried to visit but my parents didnt let her. After i was out she came over for the weekend and we had the greatest time of our hole relashionship. but after that weekend hell just broke out now we dont even speek and i still try to call her. It has been aobut two months and im still feeling the same way i cant stand it. It gets worse every day that goes by. I just dont know what to do?
  22. i try and i try to stop cutting but it never works. im almost 14 and ive been SI since i was about 3 or 4 . ive tried just about everything and i just got out of the hospital about 2 months ago. nothin has helped me and i keep going back to cutting. Today i had a huge fite with my mom and she left and so i went under my bed to get my box cutter and i just cut and cut all down my arm on my stomach and legs...it makes me feel so complete and i dont kno what to do because i kno its bad and my arms are already messed up. i have no feeling in either wrists and i have so many scars. i dont kon what else to do..can someone help?
  23. So where do I start. I was with my ex for 7 years we had 3 kids . Our relationship was never really perfect and was on and off . Things were crap and to top it off I was pregnant with our 3rd child and in hospital with our 2nd because he had been hit by a car. I spent 6 weeks living at the hospital he turnt up mabey 10 times .we had a row one night and that was it never saw him again . Untill now . One morning I went to my friends house and there he she had hired him to do her garden not knowing it was him. (What is the chance in that ) . Any way I got his number and had a go I had so much hate and anger .Y did he leave like that ? How could he do that to our kids ?( he had never meet our youngest). He asked to have contact with the kids . Wich I agreed on but now he's telling me how he regrets wat he done he can't get me out his head . I'm so confused . My head says no but my heart melts wen I see him he's aslo a liar and a cheat and I have no trust for him . But how do I no he will stick around
  24. So I recently came out of hospital from a minor operation, and it got me asking a big question; what if I came out of the hospital having to adjust to the new life of not being able to control my body from waist down? I have been with my boyfriend since high school and we've grown up a lot together. We have become very serious and at times talked about marriage and kids and our future together wherever it may be. When I asked him "what if I got into a freak accident and lost my legs or became paralysed babe, what would you do?" after not much thought, he answered "I don't think you can expect me to stay in a relationship with you. I would be there for you and wouldn't just leave you, but I can't commit to stay in a relationship with you. I have my happiness to think about and the same would apply to you if the situation was the other way around. Though this would be different if we were married because of the "in sickness and in health" thing." After hearing that my heart honestly dropped. I thought it was fair for him to say that because in that situation you really cannot blame someone for leaving you because the life of taking care of someone like that would be miserable; you cannot expect someone to care and love you in that situation and you have to put yourself in their shoe too. Their days would be so heavily focused on taking care of you in almost every way and it would be exhausting both mentally and physically. This would become a form of codependency and it could potentially drag the mental wellbeing of the carer down to a toxic level. If they decided to leave because of these reasons, I can't and wouldn't blame them at all. While that is the case, at the same time, this really made me question my relationship and now I am faced with doubt and confusion. My heart dropped because it made our relationship seem superficial. I thought how can you tell me that you would be there for me but at the same time you could one day be with someone new and the only reason why and how you were able to do that was from me becoming paralysed from a freak accident? It fkn sucks and really hurts to hear that. Also, forget the "in sickness and in health" part of the marriage, how does marriage make the difference in this? If you only stay with me because of the stupid vows you made at the altar but not actually be emotionally involved with me, then what is the point? Should we even get married one day if that was the case? Should I even stay with him knowing his answer? I have always been that girl who believes if he doesn't want to be with me then I won't stop him from leaving; I would rather be alone than force a relationship no matter how serious it was. Now talking about my side, how I would feel if this was reversed, I would not know what to do. I don't want to place a definite answer that "yes, I will stay no matter what" because its easier said than done to be with someone like that. Though when the moment the question was asked my way, I told him his answer was fair and I would probably be the same, but I had a warm feeling in my heart and it whispered "yes, I want to stay with you no matter what". I didn't end up telling him how I may have truly felt because I was taken back by his answer. I'm now really torn between both sides and if anyone could give some advice that would be greatly appreciated. :smug:
  25. Hi everyone. I am just here to post to try and make myself feel a bit better as i've been very low recently and going through a lot. If you have read my last post I have explained how I have been under investigation for some medical problems and I am still going through tests due to a misdiagnosis and I am going into hospital on monday for a bone biopsy which was cancelled last month. I was with a "man" for the last year or so. I have posted about him before. I have finally managed to leave him, but this was only because he ended up blocking me after I left him so I have been able to move forward without going back to him this time. I have left around 7-8 times before with no success, but this time I feel strong. I feel like I have to be strong for the medical things that are going on in my life. I am a 24 year old female and I am at medical school, he was (still is) in the british military and has been since he was 16. Everything bad started around 1 month into the relationship when he had his phone contract cut off due to lack of payments. I found this out by finding letters in his room addressed to him from the mobile company. He always told me it was due to the payment not coming out and a mix up with the bank and I believed him because I was in fantasy land and was at that honey-moon stage where you believe everything they say and do because they treat you like a queen. He used to buy me presents and take me out for fancy dinners and help me with petrol money to visit him (he lived 2 hours away). He then got deployed for 5 months where we kept in contact every day, he told me he loved me just before he left and wanted to be together (this was after 4 weeks of knowing each other) and couldn't wait to see each other when he got back. Sometimes he was quiet out there and then all of a sudden he got very unresponsive during the last few weeks of being there and he started to like other female's pictures on instagram, while ignoring me. When i asked what was wrong, he then broke up with me and ignored me for a few days, ignored my pleas to make it work and see me when he got home....so I gave up. He said he didn't want the type of relationship where he has to speak to me all the time, which is fair enough and I resepcted that although I was mad for waiting so long. I was devastated after waiting so long for him to return, but I moved on from this after a week and started going back to normal. Then he returned. Apologising that he made a huge mistake and after a few days I stupidly took him back. The first few weeks after he came back were amazing and I was so in love with him. Completley obsessed and pretty much spent my whole summer with him. Then, we arranged to go on holdiday which I had saved £2000 pound for while he had been away which I was looking forward too. Just as we were about to book it he said he didn't want to go away any more and spent time with his child from a previous marriage and went to his mum's house for weeks on end over the other side of the country. I thought this was odd behaviour but ignored it again. I then saw emails and calls pop up on his phone from debt collection companies, and one day I googled the number to find out it was his car finance company. They had sent e-mails and letters saying he had missed payments and he owed hundreds. He lives in a military camp so they cannot gain access to these premesis. When i confronted him he said it was a misunderstanding and it had all been payed off. He then admitted he had some debts so I helped call up the companies to re-arrange missed payments and helped him through the summer financially. We eventually got it all payed off and returned to normal and completley in love again..... I had a strange feeling in my stomach something wasn't right..he was lying in bed a lot...refusing to go out...and seemed very depressed. So I supported him through this and understood he may be a bit depressed after his deployment. Until i found messages from his ex wife (I felt suspicious about something, like stuff didn't add up or seem noraml) saying she cannot believe what he had asked her and he needed to show some respect. When I asked him what this was he said it was a private matter between him and her and it was a family illness and I must respect that. I didn't believe him so I called her, she told me he asked her to move to Canada with him on a new military posting to make their family work again. I was in so much shock I left him for a few days. He then text me saying he was sorry and it was all a mix up, she'd made it up because she is trying to destroy the relationship. Stupidly I believed him after a couple of weeks of convincing and apology letters, and him coming to visit me for a change and everything returned to normal.... I was then confused because he started voluntarily deploying to germany......and he said it was to save money up so he could be with me...but in germany I found out he was asking friends, his ex wife and me for money...hundreds of pounds...when they dont need to spend any money out there. He would also dissapear on the weekends with his male friends and switch his phone off for days on end when I know they were off on the weekends so he could go out drinking! It absolutley broke me, and I got upset naturally. Then over christmas we patched things up.......and he bought me a christmas present in January and we went away for the weekend to an air b n b and he cooked me dinner. But he would always ask who i'm texting, try to see my phone, always ask why I hide my phone from him and why I'm always on my phone (I wasn't). He then said he was depressed due to one of his friends in the military trying to kill himself, and him having to spend time in hospital with him, and he wanted time alone for a week or two....so I respected that and gave that to him.....then after 2 weeks he turned around and said he was sorry and he loves me, and invited me to this military ball to which i attended with him and things seemed perfect again. Then this week I found out through mutual friends (the weekends he asked me not to come and see him because he was depressed and wanted to be alone) that he was in fact with another girl who he is friends with from the army....they went to walk his dog....and for food.....when the whole time he told me he was alone.....when I questioned him about it he said she was just a friend and he wanted a break from me.....and lied to me because he thought I would be jealous! I am so upset and hurt by this because he honestly told me he wanted time on his own!!!! I felt physically sick when I found out. I do not know what happened apart from they spent the whole day on Saturday together, and then went for lunch on the Sunday. He then called me after this lunch saying he decided he does want to be with me and he was sorry for being depressed and wanted to be alone!! He literally begged me to come and see him the next weekend and was absolutley lovely all week (which makes it seem like there was some guilt there I don't know)......BEFORE I knew this I offered to drive him to see his child because his car got TOWED!! By police!!! He wasn't paying insurance for 6 months and then he didnt get his car out of the compound within 7 days so the finance company took posession of the car and they are selling/ destroying it!!!! He then decided that it wasnt his fault and he cancelled his direct debit without informing the car finance company even though he still owes money on it (they said they may sell it at auction and any money he owes will have to be paid off by him) ...... so he will be in even more trouble for that....and a £300 fine for the police and 6 points for driving without insurance on top of everything! And even then he was looking at new cars on facebook marketplace and trying to hide it from me!! (RANGE ROVERS) ... he is also on around £30k a year so no idea where all his money is going (GAMBLING) probably!! WHICH HE LIES ABOUT AS WELL!!!!!! I then found out that I had to go into hospital for tests because some scans found a bone tumour which looked canerous. So I told him and asked him to come and see me.....i assumed he would of naturally came to see me anyway! But I had to ask! And when I asked he told me that I was probably making it all up for his attention because I couldn't cope with him being away!! (NOT TRUE) - My mum took me to all of my appointments and tests are still going on to this day due to a miss diagnosis. I am going into hospital on Monday as some scans have showed changes as I have had to have constant monitoring and the surgeons want to biopsy it under general anesthetic. He refused to come and see me or even call me to ask if I was okay..... he said he was busy at work this week and would see me on the weekend but I have to drive down and see him as he hasn't got a car and wasn't going to help with petrol money because HE BOUGHT ME SOME FOOD FROM A RESTAURANT LAST WEEKEND. He was on an exercise this week 30 minutes from my home and refused to come and see me!!! Then when I found out about the weekends with this girl (even though nothing may have happend its still a LIE) I told him I didnt want to be with him anymore because of what's going on and I need supportive people...not distractions e.g. his petty LIES about being with another girl...and your car being towed............and I still wanted to be friends... He then called me a psychopath and told me to 'bore off' and he didnt tell me because I would of got jealous and he wanted to AVOID the conversation to make his life easier. And to please me it was easier to say he was on his own than with another girl. He said he didn't want me now anyway because I CANNOT TRUST HIM and that's my problem!! And if that's how I justify to msyelf why the relationship ended then I have to crack on and do that but the real reason the relationship ended is because I didn't trust him!!!?!??! which makes absolutley no sense. He told me to off, but then preceded to tell me not to block him on whatsapp because he wants to know how I get on in hospital!! But he didnt want to be with me anymore either and I should probably go and other guys to make myself feel better!! I blocked him straight after this conversation!! It's like he had no argument back to being caught out on his lies so he found it easier to say to me that he didn't want me anymore either.....and im crazy........ :'( I am so upset...this has been nearly a year and a half of my life wasted and invested on his daughter!!! And I am about go back into hospital now :'( all he does is drink and gamble and LIE!!!! I am just wondering how I move on FULLY from this relationship..........he still wanted to keep in contact about next week (or said he did so didn't look like a complete arsehole) and that I needed to grow up....I am just wondering why people act like this when they get caught? it just seems like he is a master maniuplator...has no feelings of empathy towards me at all...even though a few days ago he was saying how much he loved me..........I feel like I just wasted my life believing everything he said and I cannot even imagine the stuff I did not manage to find out on the days when he dissapeared. And he also told his ex wife that I had a historectomy and i could never have children.........and when I asked him about that he said it was a lie and he'd never say that..even though I had it in writing in front of me......he still denied it. I am not a jealous person...but I got upset at the lies...if he was open with me I would of been fine with him spending time with other females.......I never stop him going out drinking or anything I always say have fun! And never accuse him of cheating on me during these times....it all fell apart....Can someone tell me what I did wrong for someone to do this to me? Was it me or are these people just like that and do it to anyone? I assume now he'll just pick another female to move onto and do the same to him.....and maybe choose someone this time who is less inclined to investigate his lies...he said that he never liked how much I look into things when I have suspcions!! Well turns out that feeling was always there for a reason..... :( Someone shed some advice please! Im just scared of the hospital situation and now feel completley alone! Even though I was before lets be honest! I always had this faint bit of belief he'd be by my side if something like this happened......it's scary now I am actually fully alone. It's like I always felt as him being with me but not being supportive was better than him not being there at all..... Someone please give me some advice, nothing harsh please as I am very upset for monday!! xxx
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