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About Me

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  1. Hello, I have been dating a guy (28 years old) for 3 months, he asked me to be his gf recently. He is treating me very well but he constantly follows new naked insta models. These girls are people that he cant meet obviously but the problem is I find the fact that he is following and constantly seeking out naked woman very disrespectful. Also, the fact that he told me he will only have eyes for me and I will see with time that I can trust him, but despite saying these, him following these accounts doesnt look good to me at all. I am conflicted. On one side: - I know that guys and girls can look at other people and find otehrs attractive while in relationship too. I follows celebrities and footballers that I find attractive. But I wouldnt follow D... pictures on social media especially when I was in a relationship. It would be disrespectful to my bf and I am sure he would be worried if he saw my social media activity following bunch of accounts with d... pics. I find him following naked insta models on insta totally disrespectful. And He appears as a thirsty guy in my eyes now, who is constantly seeking out naked woman (but again I dont know if this is normal for men). - Indeed, before meeting him i've always wondered how my friends or other girls put up with such disrespectful treatment. I always told myself I would never be with someone who disrespects me like that. (Plz correct me if I am being so harsh). - So, since it has been only 3 months, I am considering to end the relationship by saying something like "we are not compatible" and continue dating and choose to be with someone who wont do that. Because I think that if I try to talk to him about his social media activity, I might appear as a controling person. Also, I dont want to tell him what to do. If he is happy following these women, he should. I shouldnt be preventing him. It shouldnt be a forced decison, it should come naturally from him. Perhaps he is not done exploring? On the other hand: - I am thinking about keeping it very simple and telling him: "I know its normal for both man and woman to look at other man and woman and find others attractive but following these accounts and constantly seeking out naked woman is disrespectful." I will also tell him that I always told myself I would never put up with such activity in a relationship and see what he will say and take it from there. -- I dont know which option is better. I feel that this relationship has a potential if we could get past the insta issue. Also, the reason why I posted here is, I want to get more opinions. Perhaps, I am overreacting and being overly jealous? Perhaps I should change the way I think about the whole thing? For instance, some people might say he is a men and men are visual, so if he is loving and caring and making me feel beautiful, loved etc, I shouldnt worry about social media. But on the other hand, his social media activity is not making me feel respected. Also is it really healthy to lust over others when in a relationship with someone you claim you care about? I would appreciate your opinions, what should I do?
  2. Does this mean I gave up or I’m simply respecting your wishes? Because what was there really to give up? You were never mine, and I liked it that way. I liked what we had, it felt genuine and far from serious. It just was. And I kind of miss it, even though it wasn’t much. And I know trying to replace it isn’t enough, because whatever ‘it’ was felt like it could only be between us. I don’t want that kind of relationship with anyone else. I want to meet people that won’t just leave me baffled with questions that I’m too afraid to know the answers to. Like what made you so scared? why wasn't I enough?
  3. Fall upon your knees, he said Please hang your head in shame Your worthiness is dubious Your character the same Your choices full of pleasure seeking Your question-minded soul You never thought to think of after For that, you pay a toll You never thought to worship me I barely crossed your mind Consumed with all your worldly cares I suppose you hadn't time Now judgement shall be harshly passed For merciful I'm not Turn the other way, my friend Join the wretched lot Upon my knees I will not fall I said, and did not bow Blindly I will not adhere Neither then nor now Your arguments are questionable Your logic sorely flawed Yet I who do not understand Should mindlessly applaud? Questions I indeed have asked I'll indulge my intellect And if your position is not to do so Then you I can't respect I did not need your laws to guide me I was guided nonetheless For the capacity to judge right from wrong I believe I do possess And sacrificial I have been For to be selfless I do strive But sacrifice not for hereafter It is now that you're alive And I have loved entirely Wholeheartedly and pure My existence is meant for nothing else Of nothing I'm more sure So, tell the masses, I will do so As I emerge from sleep We must not follow blindly leaders We are not shepherd's sheep
  4. I wrote this for the married man who I desperately want but will never take. Feedback would be lovely IN YOUR BED, IN MY HEAD I just got home from his fancy place Makeup and self-loathing smeared onto my face And you're not on me, not even one cell Whilst he's everywhere, my skin is his smell I can smell his being intertwined with my hair I can smell his lust and I can't even care Talk of self respect, talk of hatred When all I'm wondering is, "Will we make it?" And if we do, what does that entail? The double life you lead comes out unlevel on the scale Numbers, measures, percentage and scores I have you less and I think of you more I think of you now, I thought of you then I tried to envision you again and again It didn't bear fruits, reality stayed real His unwanted touch made an unloving steal And yes it's true, there was something lost I can't quite describe it but I worry of its cost Was it me? Was it you? Was it us? Was it my happiness? Is life that unjust? But justice for me isn't justice for her It isn't justice for him, and not for you, I'm quite sure You talk of your life as if it's all said and done And see my own as only begun But I cannot be your fountain of youth I cannot be your lie as she remains your truth I cannot be half-hearted, I can only be whole I have too much to give you, an entire soul So walk home to your house, be with your wife Know that having me will not give you my life For isn't it true? Isn't that what I've seen? In your eyes infatuation intertwined with specks of green We are so different, there lies the appeal But loving me will not my character steal You cannot become what you never will be I can never be you, you can never be me So what do you miss and how can I give it? You talk so much of life but not once think to live it I'm not your saviour, nor are you mine Though you once were my happiness for a splinter of time And the memory stays for me a guilded treasure In the darkest of darks it's my guilty pleasure I'm aware it's not my right to make you my claim I'm aware it's not my right, but I did it just the same And oceans did move and moments were made But as the oceans stayed the same, the moments did fade I desperately clung to them with an unwavering grip The oceans kept moving, the moments would slip I would love to have them back but not at any price I think that to like myself again would be nice She is just a name, one not too often said But she exists nonetheless, in your bed, in my head
  5. constant companion my one inspiration my bones cry out for you let my heart say how I feel it will prove that love is real come now into the safety of these arms stay close, forever close, and I'll protect let yourself be draped in hues of honor and respect my dagger your servant, my shadow your shield light the path and give me voice make me that unquestioned choice with my life I pledge that you will never come to harm constant companion my one inspiration my bones cry out for you
  6. We, human beings are born on earth, under the same sky, under the same sunlight and moonbeam, Why do we have different destinies! Children of the poor have no money to buy books and go to school, Children of the rich go to study abroad. Those with dollars are winners and those with empty stomachs are losers. Court clerks and judges swindle. Where is Justice! Anarchic society with dictatorship, injustice, market dwellers, gambling, nepotism and gangsters, No respect for law, fighting, killing each other, causing misery and suffering. How long will I survive! Dirty society, bribery and dollars rule; cheating people out of property, people cry out. The bad ones enjoy beautiful villas while powerful figures sit down, cross legged and relaxed! No compassion, no sentiment, farmers with no land, peasants with no crops like off-season flowers. While peasants’ hands are picking fish paste , powerful figures gamble big hands in casinos. How long will I survive! A poem by Mam Sonando
  7. I have been wondering if it is possible that someone is too much like you then is that a good thing or a bad thing? I met a nice girl, so far been on 5 dates in 2.5 weeks that I’ve known her. The funny thing her personality is EXACLY the same as me in every single respect. We are both ENTP (search Myer Briggs on the internet). both adventurers(engram), We both see the world in the same way, both are optimistic extraverts, both see spirituality in the same light, both like to independently investigate truth instead of taking it as face value, both courteous & polite, both generous, both are like cats when it comes to affection (purr, scratch me under the chin), both like a lot of exercise and healthy food, both have nearly identical childhood experiences, both have been in similar style of social groups, both love traveling and seeing the world, both value equality of men and woman etc , both have similar parents, her brother is just like my sister, she has the same occupation as my mother, both are entrepreneurs, both like strategy games (her favorite is chess, I think that’ll change once I teach her Go), both are creative inventors, both like dancing and skiing. The list goes on and on. Actually I can’t think of a single thing that is different about us (besides what’s between the legs). I’ve heard that it’s sometimes good to have some differences from your partner, and if you are exactly the same then people can get bored of each other etc. apparently it is good to have someone slightly different that will complement your characteristics. Has anyone ever had problems because their partner was too similar? i don't know how we handle disagreements as it's too early in the relationship and we haven't had a single topic that we've differed on, i guess how people can cope with inevitable differences and fights really effects the long term perspective of a relationship. Is there such thing as being too similar? Or is this a match made in heaven? While cuddling last night she said that she sees me as a mirror of her own soul and can grow from reflecting off me. That sounds very deep to me. She’s already made several similar comments in only the last 2.5 weeks that I’ve known her. I guess this is around the stage then people express all their emotions and where people make decisions if dating will turn into BF/GF etc. I have to admit I feel more comfortable around her than anyone I’ve ever been with. But I also know this is just the honeymoon stage of a relationship, so who knows what happens down the track. I just like making some predictions, if there is anything I need to keep my eyes open for to steer things in the right direction. I know this is just the honeymoon stage of a relationship, in the end a relationships success largely depends on people’s communications and how they deal with conflicts. As it’s only the honeymoon stage and we are so similar we haven’t had any conflicts yet, so I’ve got nothing to judge our conflict resolving capability until something comes up. What is everyone else’s experiences? Has anyone ever had problems because their partner was too similar? Or is this just a match made in heaven? Well, I guess I’ll go with the flow and keep seeing her as long as we enjoy it.
  8. Happiness, clean air, and there you are. Talking to me. No respect. My first glimpse of sunshine in a long time, and there you are, pressing on me. Be ashamed And I question my own humanity. Am I human? Or am I am object of hate. An object of lust. An object of anger. An object to do with as you wish. A possession, and an enemy. I hear nothing. There is nothing. I am nothing. But a vacuum. A hole. Dear Monster, Please Let me Be. I Want To Be Me. Wind on an open wet wound. I close my eyes. I don't belong here. I don't belong here. Do I dare to pour the tears as she pours me coffee? I wish myself away. Far far away. Nevertheless, it crowds in. The world, their voices, their anger, their pain. Is there no relief? No Pause? How many years have we been married now? Ten years? Fifteen? You wear the same suit. Every day, the same arguments. I'm practicing generosity. You can have the gown. You can have the right to be right. You can have the regrets. You can have the faulty memories. You can have the dead end dreams. You can virginity. You can have gold. One hand to the other, one hand out and letting it go... It feels so good. It feels so good to give it all away. One little thing at a time, I unarm you. I free myself. I bless myself, at last. One thing at a time. One moment at a time. This life is precious! This life is mine and mine will.
  9. So its not really poetry, just a personal reminder of the kind of woman I want to be. The Kind of Woman I Want to Be The kind of woman I want to be is the kind of woman who savors life like a good wine. The kind of woman who knows her own style and what that really is, and for whom class means more than textbooks and grades. I want to be the kind of woman who listens to others and can take it all in and then speak concisely and intelligently upon it. I want to be the kind of woman who when she walks into a room, business will be begin , creativity will flow, and ideas will grow. I want to be the kind of woman who has not forgotten the meaning of respect. I want to be the kind of woman who commands the respect of others, not through demand, but through the action of delivering. I want to be the kind of woman who uses words as her weapon of choice. Not to hurt, but to reveal to the world that eyes need to be opened and fires need to be lit. I want to be the kind of woman who knows how to extinguish the useless fires and how to light her own. I want to be the woman who is comfortable walking into the symphony in a formal gown as she is walking in jeans into the steakhouse. I want to be the woman who accepts others as they are, and who is accepted by most others. The kind of woman I want to be will walk away from nastiness with grace, and who makes others realize that through grace they can achieve their end. I want to be the woman who can lead by example, who voices her concern, who fights the fight all while maintaining strength, courage, and the ability to know when there are things I simply cannot change. Most of all I want to be a woman with humility, understanding, and a woman who with compassion sees the hearts of people. I want to be the kind of woman who can see need and create action to remedy the need. I want to be the kind of woman for whom the word humanity is not just another entry in the dictionary.
  10. Colors ---------------- Love comes in colors I believe this to be true None of them are brighter then when I think of you I close my eyes and ponder why your feelings changed maybe I came on too strong or we just went our separate ways You still trust me with your deepest thoughts the loves inside your mind but the love I have for you feels just like a crime You've made your intentions very clear and that I do respect but when I cant stop thinking of you its like a noose around my neck I see you each and everyday a smile burnt in my mind I feel my arms wrap round your sides and then i feel just fine But as we walk alone at night I try to turn and say I still like you, wish you'd think this thru but my thoughts give way to shame Then we make our way back to your house I muster one last stand I'll tell you how I feel about you Since beginning to the end I try to pour my heart to you but you just turn away I guess it wasn't meant to be loves colors dark today
  11. Harsh title, but bear with me. This is a quote from a previous thread dealing with men who are afraid of rejection. I am always warm, friendly and approachable WHEN I AM INTERESTED. I have heard this so many times from women, they are FRIENDLY & APROACHABLE !!!!! FRIENDLY AND APROACHABLE !!!!!. Ie a Friend and if the guy approaches them, then they may go out with him. That is the whole problem. A shy guy, cannot pluck up the courage to ask a girl out due to the depilitating affects of shyness. Nor can he tell if she is aproachable if she is just being friendly. So he will look for indications of interest, ie initaition from the girl, so that he definatly knows she is interested. Now girls will be friendly to most people, just as guys will. If she is interested she will be aproachable, but if she is not interested she will not be aproachable..... !!!!!! NOT A PROBLEM AT ALL FOR A GUY TO KNOW IF SHE IS APROACHABLE (INTERESTED) NOT APROACHABLE (NOT INTERESTED). IF HE CANNOT DUE TO SHYNESS APROACH HER....... Oh I forgot, in school girls, they clearly tell you men are telepathic ! we will just read your thoughts, know your aproachable and then ask you out. You have to let the guy know you are interested ! or all you will get is the jerks who just want to use you and every other girl. The reason these guys can approach you with all their, sweet talk. Is that they have no emotional interest, feelings in you. Your another knotch on the bed post ! And then you complain about men being B****. Who's fault is it, if you only respond to jerks who can aproach you with confidence and bull. Instead of the guys who really like you but dont want to suffer rejection from you. As an analogy: If you go to buy a car that you just want to use for a while, you will buy a cheap banger ! You will not spend any time in deciding or thinking about the purchase. You will use it, show it no respect and dump it. It is easy to replace. But if you have your heart (emotions, feelings) set on a car that you have always wanted and spent a long time making sure that this is the car that you r heart is set on, then you will take care of it, value it, show it respect and keep it for as long as possible. It is that simple ! The only reason someone is afraid of rejection or shy is because they have emotions involved. Someone who has no emotions involved is not afraid of rejection because they were not very that interested and have little or no emotional attachment feeling to lose. I really hate women who bleat about guys mistreating them and then are * * * * *es to decent guys ! What i really cant understand is that if you find someone physically attractive then you have an emotional interest in them, this equates to the natural desire to talk to them. If you then like their personality, your emotional attachment / interest to them increase and their value to you increases and you ask them out. If you get along with fun times you will be in a relationship. Now what here Girls am I missing !?! You only seem to like a guy after he has talked to you, filled you full of bull, telling you exactly what you want to here. Then and only then do you seem to like him. Does not make any sense. !!! Women are from venus..lol Why not see a guy who you like and let him know, then get to know him ? Please dont take offence if this post apears blunt, but it is straight to the point.
  12. the short version of my story is... i dated this guy for over 2 years, we broke up in june and after months of no contact, we got back together in october. from oct to dec things were going as well as they were before. we had a great relationship, we never fought and there was a lot of shared interests and trust between us. he broke up in june due to his own life issues like is job etc... and i respected that and gave him his space although it was really difficult. i accepted him back in oct because i figured since the break up was not based on reasons due to our relationship directly, it could still be salvaged. fast forward to my birthday on new years eve. we go to dc to visit mutual friends. i click on his phone to check the time and a message popped up that read "thanks for the flowers they were beautiful" before jumping to conclusions, i learned he gave them to a girl he was talking to this summer who recently had surgury. at this point i was confused with were i stood so i asked him about it. he then tells me he only sees me as a friend (while we were cuddling). i asked him what he is looking for in someone and his reasons were he prefers more of a girlier girl, someone who doesnt like football or can drink with the guys etc... i was really hurt by this because its not like my personality has changed in two years, he also said he cant see himself having kids with me. in my opinion, these reasons seem pretty lame. since my birthday, i have not spoken to him. it will be almost 2 months of NC, but i will see him in a week when im around the same mutual friends at college again. in a previous post a few months back, i asked advice on what to do when i see him. now, im more nervous than ever to see him because my feelings toward him are different. the first time, i was not angry toward him and i accepted the break up because i respected the fact that he did not lead me on, and now i cant help but see him as a liar and someone who took advantage of my feelings for his own selfish reasons. i dont think i deserve what he did to me and i dont know how to go about seeing him again. i guess the advice im looking for is do his reasons for breaking up seem legit? and if you were me, and you heard these reasons, how would you approach seeing him after 2 months of not speaking? thank you kindly for your time and advice.
  13. i take things very hard and more seriously than others. i am very sensitive and feel very deeply. i value honesty, kindness, sincerity, respect, warmth, and genuineness. because of who i am...i tend to take everything and anything that goes wrong in relationships or dating.....and to blame it on myself. i beat myself up over it. i tell myself, if only i were more this....less that (prettier......blond, richer....etc) then he wouldn't treat me like this. but the bottom line is..a man shows who he is by how he treats others(exgfs, friends, strangers, coworkers) alike. i am going to stop blaming myself because i know i try very hard to make things right. and another person's behavior/attitude/game playing/ignoring me/hurtfulness.....it is all out of my control. i know i try my best and i try very hard at everything i do. especially to work things out. im going to stop blaming me. i am going to stand up and have dignity, respect, kindness, and forgiveness for myself. and i am going to stop dating for a good amount of time. so that i can properly take good care of myself and be stronger and wholer within. patch up and heal the hurts and wounds that have been lacerated within me.
  14. when is the right time to meet the parents?! my boyfriend and i have been going out for nearly a year! We live over 100 miles apart, so we get to see eachother once a month during the weekend. ( not enough i know ) Within our nearly a year relationship, we have seen eachother 10 times! I'll be happy to introduce him to my parent. And when i have mentioned it the past, he kinda freaks out and says there is no rush! He says it will happen soon and it will; but when? I don't want to keep mentioning when are we going to meet eachother's circle of families and friends. Should i just be a little more patience.?! i don;'t want to be waiting forever! the way i look at it. if i had a daughter, i would want to meet the guy she is dating after such a long time! just out of respect! does anyone also think, maybe he feels its too early? especially when we have only seen eachother 10 times!
  15. I had been out with this girl 4 times over a month. I like her and rarely meet girls that I'm comfortable with and can talk to. I called her the day before valentines to ask her out to dinner. She said she was really opposed to that because of the restaurant wait times and all but said that we could meet up, so I said 8 and she said OK. Then next day at 4pm she calls and cancels but says she's good at rescheduling, which is not exactly true, but she was definitely letting me know that she still wanted to see me another day. Naturally I was kind of mad cause I had already asked to leave work a few hours early and I let her know that, calmly. She didn't ever apologize which really made me angry and the phone conversation ended with me saying "...if you want to hang out just give me a call" which I''m afraid was the nail in the coffin because its been a week and she hasn't called. I would call her but it seems that it would be too pathetic for her to respect anyway so I haven't bothered. Im 24, she's 20 and I'm over her canceling on valentine's but I don't know how to approach her again. Any ideas?
  16. My boyfriend and I have been togethe for 7 years. I thought we would be married by now. It has gotten so bad in the past year...I don't know what happen. He is so disrespectful to me, lies to my face, screws me over and just don't understand why. He started hanging out with his boss alot and I believe alot of his actions come from him. His boss just had a baby with his girlfriend but has about a million different women on the side. His boss goes to the bar and drinks after work instead of going home to his girlfriend and baby. Ever since my boyfriedn has been hanging out with him it has been horrible. He had an engagement ring designed for me about 6 months ago...i thought we would be engaged by now but instead we aren't even speaking. Over the weekend he was disrespectful and wanted to do what he wanted so he want to a co workers party Sat nigh and never came home unitl 9 sun night. We don't live together but his mom called me b/c he had called her to let his dogs out saying that he had to work late sat night...when she saw that he hadn't returned sun she called me very upset. She had been calling him all day sun and no answer. I tried calling him with no answer either. Finally around 9 sun night she called his boss who told her he would find out where he was. He immediately called her back and said he was 30 min from where he lives. Kind of odd that he wouldn't answer the phone for us but would anser for him. He finally called me that night and just said that he had to go out of town for work and that was it. He would not explain why he wouldn't answer the phone. i hung up and haven't talked to him since. He hasn't called so it must be no big deal to him. I have my suspesions b/c i have found other women's phone numbers and knows he has talked to them. So i don't know what is going on. He says that i b*&^% and nag but it is only b/c of the stuff i have to deal with form him...like the screwing me over, lies and disrespectfullness. I just don't know what went worng and what should i do. I love this man so much but have been in so much pain over him. he says he cares but acts like he doesn't have a care in the world for me.
  17. ive been talking to this girl, 21, for about 2 months now and we've hung out at her place on several occasions, and at mine once we kissed many times and even frech kissed a few times i, 17, was beginning to think that she was no longer interested anymore so i kinda layed off of calling her just to see if she would call me, and she did i asked her out some time ago and still haven't got an answer my question is: would a girl lead me on for 2 months, invite into her home many times, and make-out with me if she wasn't interested??? she takes her schooling very serious so i aren't able to talk all that much during the week (or so she says), and i can respect that i would hate to think that im her little toy and she is using just to get by to find another guy
  18. So I'm sleeping in my bed. And I hear all of this knocking on my door. It gets louder and louder. I already know it's my mom, I make the mistake of getting up and opening the door. She says something like, "we have an hour, we can make it to the 9:00". I realize that she's talking about going to chruch. I was pretty sure I told her the night before that I wasn't going but I could be mistaken. Anyways I tell her I'm not going, she tells me I am. I go to get back in the bed, she takes all of the covers off of the bed. And then she starts following all over the house pulls on my night gown. I told her that she's acting really immature, not respecting my boundaries, and that she wouldn't be treating anyone else this way but she didn't care. And it's just so frustrating because it's like everytime I get happy about life, and make improvements I have to deal with crap like this. I mean, no means no. She's so used to being controlling though. Following me all over the house and pulling on my clothes is just ridiculous. Now I'm crying. Isn't that great. My eyes are filled with tears. I had so sit and listen to my parents talking about crap for about 30min. They just don't respect my space at all. It's extremely frustrating. It's amazing I'm not an alcoholic living in this house. Now I'm stressed. So stressed . It's like they're so insensitive. Just because I stopped taking my medicine, it doesn't mean that I miraculously (sp?) no longer have depression or post traumatic stress disorder. I still have to manage the whole stress thing because if I get too stressed I start having all of the symptoms again. And the symtoms are horrible. And whenever we have talks they strongly imply that things were good before I came to live with them. What am I suppose to say to that? I don't know what to say. It's not like I'm dying to live with them. I would have left so long ago if I had the money. I live in on of the most expensive places in California, and unfortunately I can't afford to live anywhere else right now. I don't know, maybe I should just move back to Alabama for a while. But the last time I was there I felt kind of depressed. What do you guys think I should do?????
  19. i think of him everyday. i don't know why. i think he backstabbed me. i think he hurt me on purpose. i think he just wanted sex. i think he set me up with his good friend. but i remember him and i miss the guy that i thought he was. not the guy that he later turned into and became....i guess his real persona that came out. i was so sick and saddened. why? why would someone do that to me?? why me? i respect others. i care about others. i am a good girl.....dont make me into someone im not. im not dishonest. im sincere. im genuine. i live my life the best i can. i think of him....and i miss. but he never made an effort to contact me or think of me or even come see me. so i have to move on. for a long time i wondered....can i move on from everything that's happened to me? the terrible hurts and wounds done to me? but to give up...i would be giving a terrible wound to my darling mom. she has worked so hard and been so strong, i cannot cause her pain. i cannot do that to her. i would be letting the losers win. the people who enjoy and get satisfaction and glee out of hurting me. those people do not deserve anything from me. i would not give them the joy. so what must i do.........besides...life is so good sometimes. i have had some wonderful moments. i must let go, move on, grow strong, change. i must be the me that i always wanted to be, find the life that i dream of. create change within me and to create change without. i will make more of an effort, more strength. i can do this. i will focus. i will TRY. because to me trying is everything. and i will get through this. somehow. i will keep trying.
  20. After doing some self evaluation and asking two close friends for advice I think i need to end my almost 3 month relationship with my boyfriend. We have a 40 minute distance, he has only commuted to see me twice. Whereas he asks and I comply to come down during the week, waking early and driving 90 minutes to work, he couldnt fathom and isnt willing to come my way, wake in the morning from my place and drive 45 minutes to work. We talk about him alot, i listen attentively..but when i talk he usually rolls his eyes or puts down my conversation. While ive listened at nauseam about his work woes, the other night i started to tell him of one of mine, he interrrupted midway..i listened and then said "oh but back to what i was saying.." and he said "I dont need to hear you complain about work anymore." FInally over the weekend, he was supposed to drive to see me for the first time in months, he weasled out of it saying a couple we like to hang out with wanted to see us. I complied...and then when i get there he says they are going somewhere 25 minutes away and we can go if i drive (after I just drove 45 minutes to see him!) The girl in the couple really wants me to be there so i drive him and i to this bar. An hour in he turns his back to me, drinks his beer and stares at an attractive blonde while nodding and sharing comments with the other two guys who are there about her "hotness". He cant fathom why id be upset about this..i feel it was crossing the line..it crushed me..it made me feel like he had no respect for me and when i brought this up he wouldnt apologize..not for doing it OR for hurting my feelings. I then said "im not even mad anymore, can u just be a little sweet to me right now to make me feel better" and he said "no im not kissing youre a**" He said that him doing that in front of me means he is open and honest and that it means he wouldnt cheat behind my back...in my eyes its not made me question his integrity and i think if he would do this in front of me, what does he do or what would he do if im not right there? I think he is a very selfish and critical M..he doesnt respect me..and I want out of this relationship but not sure what to do?? He texted me several times yesterday and has been sweet as pie but it doesnt take away the sting of his actions and the deep bruising that he hurt me and then rolled over and slept without comforting me.
  21. Just wondering If anyone else has had or is having the same feeling. It seems like everything moves so slowly, as if I am in exactly the same position I was in five years ago. Trying to get myself going into a decent/real job, I know you're supposed to respect all labor but I feel like I am still doing the type of job you should be doing when you're 19 years old. Theres nothing really wrong with that but it feels like such a shame to have put in so much effort to university only to find the course you did is fairly useless, and doesn't lead to anything I want to pursue. I started a science/teaching course straight out of highschool, dropped out after first year, worked for a year then started and finished an economics degree. Now, a year after graduating I find myself enrolling in the same course I started 5 years ago. I'm going to end up spending 7 years at university in total, three more to go. I'll be 25 turning 26 when I finish. I'm scrounging for hours at my current job and applying for the same type of, lets face it - crappy jobs I've done for the last 5 years. It doesn't make me unhappy, I don't mind the work at all. Money is not a huge issue I make enough to get by and thats enough for me at the moment. But I am starting to feel a bit ashamed that I've gotten nowhere with my time. I don't meant to, or want to complain about it but I would like to know if anyone else has been through something similar or had the same type of thoughts.
  22. Following is my reply to this post Im sharing this with all of you because I hope that it may inspire someone to do what they can to become the person they want to be. SEE A GOAL and reach for it. You can do it! Someone told me that and it was almost too late. Oh, there are times I have struggled to remember it But here is a bit of my story: _________________________________________ About 8 or so months ago I gave that quote to a new teacher here on enotalone. She was asking if there was anything we could tell her to take into her new classroom as she for the first time was preparing to mold young minds. I have had this poem commited to memory since I was 16 years old. I had been getting in trouble in school ... Id been through alot. I look back now and know that I was acting out because of all the pain I was feeling, it was truly self destructive behavior. I had a teacher that really mentored me. He treated me with respect and told me that I could do anything that I wanted to do with my life. At that time, I was in my Junior year of highschool, looking at only a year and a half till graduation day yet I had little chance to graduate. I had 3.5 credits and should have had 9 at that point. (so technically I wasnt even a Sophmore) He gave me this poem. Those words inspired me. For a teacher to so touch a students soul (not in an improper way) meant the world to me. It was like for the first time someone was telling me that I could do it! This was a turning point for me. I began working extra hard. I did correspondance courses.. I went to an alternative highschool for six months that allowed me to do alot of my classes on computer and getting through them at a much faster pace. I did volunteer service at a nursing home (75 hours) which really changed me. I did an internship at a Law office.. Another internship at the chamber of commerce for my county. (those in the usa may know what the chamber of commerce is) All of these things allowed me to pick up credits here and there to have enough to graduate from highschool. It was not a GED Program. This poem and that teacher have never left my thoughts. One of the proudest moments in my life was the day that I graduated. On time. With my class. Class of 1996. It wasnt the original highschool but it was a highschool. I had done it! I had made a goal and did what no one thought I could. I didnt drop out. I went and told that teacher that he helped me a year and a half before and I thanked him. He wiped a tear from his eye and he told me never to forget what I had done and what I could do. Watch your thoughts, They become Words. Watch your words, They become Actions. Watch your actions, They become Habits. Watch your habits, They become Charactor. Watch your charactor, It Will Become Your Destiny.
  23. Okay, so this past week went okay, my girlfriend and I got a lot of stuff straightened out... set some ground rules... the whole deal. Thursday night she says "I'm gonna be in the FFA meeting, it'll be about 10 minutes" I say okay and that I'd wait outside for her. Now the meeting took place during lunch, end it was an extended lunch... So I blew the whole lunch period waiting for her because she never stepped outside to see if I was there or anything. I told her I had to get some point values from a teacher which would take like 5 minutes. I'm not angry, just kind of upset that I sat there for an hour waiting for her and she never stepped out to say "Oh hey, I'm finishing up some work that I didn't do." I didn't know when that meeting ended or anything, so I didn't ever know if it was cool to drop in and see what was up. Anyway, she emails me Friday (And I couldn't check it til yesterday because I was away at Yosemite with the family doing a 16 mile hike... my advise is never do that without lots of water) and basically pins a lot of our relationship problems on me. Now I admit, I'm not exactly the perfect guy... but I'm not the only one at fault here am I? I'm giving her everything I have... feels like I'm being taken for granted and getting nothing back sometimes. Like with the "friend" in her math class who has tried groping her and doesn't respect her or the fact that she is in a relationship. I don't see how she can't drop him, and that's really the only thing keeping me from being happy with her 100%. She knows I won't keep someone around who doesn't respect me, my relationship, or tries to do that... why can't she? She also complains that I don't trust her enough. If I were to put trust on a scale of 1-100, she's at around 80-90 and though she isn't tearing it down... she's not building on that trust either. So in conclusion, these next 5 days (Monday through Friday) I'm going to be what she wants me to be, and the only condition I set is that Sam be forced out of the equation. I'm tired of hearing from 5 people in that class (Oh yeah, they flirt with each other hella bad). If he's not, I take it to the administration. She asked me to let her deal with Sam her own way. I have let her try for 2-3 weeks and he isn't backed off. Time to take matters into my own hands and push him away for her right? Am I correct in all this or am I just really really messed up in the head?
  24. Lol... I dont. But its a great question. What attracts a girl to a guy?? I'll tell you this. Im 5' 10" Im thin but athletic looking. I dress very casual ( I wear some brand clothing but besides that I could live in my old jeans, white shirt and flip flops. I have at the moment short brown hair with deep blue eyes. Im 21, I have a pretty good job at a bank, Im treat all women with respect, Im funny, pretty smart ( top 1 percent in my college) and I dont smell ( lol... that one was funny) Im a guy but I can sit at home and watch a good movie and cry. Now, I see all these guys that are just horrible to women, are half retarded and just not what a girl wants, but all day long you could ask them what the want. and they would say someone to treat me good and repect me. They dont have to be great looking. And I know thats true... but either I just dont see it or Im totally not getting any looks. Now, Im shy but not so much. Im not the best looking but im alright in my eyes. I look sorta like Adam Levine from Marron 5 ( or so ive been told time and time again.) Now, what is it that is truly attractive to a girl. Ive been single for about a year and a half. and I see all these girls that are being treated bad. The few girls Ive tried talking to didnt even give me a chance... what is up with you girls. Two of my friends and I sit around and talk about how we dont understand women. the thing is we know there are women doing the same. its just frustrating... so women; dont lie... what attracts you to a guy: all the other stuff.... and then physical. and if I see some honest answers maybe I'll tell you what I like,... and maybe im just too picky.
  25. I cheated on my boyfriend of 2 years a year ago supposedly during a break. He found out about it but has been demanding to see a picture of the guy & how i got it. So, i got the picture & send him the conversation with timestamps (my cousin had it on her computer.) He saw the picture, okay, the guy is ugly, so says everyone. he, then, told me to leave him alone. I asked him if it is over or he needs time to think, he said he needs time. I asked him if he wants me to get my stuff & be out of his life. He said no, just leave him alone for a few weeks because hes really mad. He said he has to block me. The last three sentences he said were, 'im sorry if this hurts (blocking me)', 'i love you,' 'im sorry.' I havent heard from him for... about 12 hours. Should I respect his wish with no emails, no nothing? Somebody said that time helps a relationship and especially if one respects ones wishes and that will make them look more 'attractive.' i need some guidance.
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