Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'closure'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


  • Relationships
    • Dating Advice
    • Relationship Advice
    • Infidelity
    • Online Dating
    • Friendship and Friends
    • Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
    • Abuse and Violence
    • Long-Distance Relationships
    • Age Gap Relationships
    • Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Relationships
    • Trust and Relationships
    • Marriage/Long Term Relationships
  • Breaking up and Divorce
    • Breaking Up Advice
    • Divorce Advice
    • Getting Back Together
    • Healing After Break Up or Divorce
  • Personal Growth
    • Personal Growth
    • Career, Money and Education
    • Grief Loss and Bereavement
  • Families
    • Parenting and Families
    • Pets
  • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
  • Sex and Romance
    • Sex and Romance
    • Pregnancy
  • Emotions and Feelings
    • Emotions and Feelings
    • Jealousy
  • General Forums
    • Forum Assistance
  • Journals's Journals
  • Journals's Private Journals
  • Off Topic's Topics
  • Book Talk's Topics
  • Travel and Culture's Topics
  • Poetry, Prose, Art & Photography's Topics


  • Articles
  • Youtube
  • News

Find results in...

Find results that contain...

Date Created

  • Start


Last Updated

  • Start


Filter by number of...


  • Start



About Me

Mod Notes

  1. Firstly I wuld like to say that this place is really sweet. I have come here for advice and read a ot of very helpful intelligent stuff on the forums, and I hope my advice has helped some people. The world isn't a bad place ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am having an issue with an extremely close friendship that i had for five years, that broke up a year ago. I thought i was ok but I'm not. I know this should be in friends area but this relationship was also a soulmate type musical connection, and was as close as a relationship bewteen a couple, without the physical. ANYWAY the girls boyfriend was rather harsh to me back a year ago, and i tried telling my friend and she wouldnt have a bar of it, saying i was making things up in my head and overreacting.she stopped talking to me and promised to call but never did. so i came on here, and with your help I managed to do the no contact thing. I now realise she wanted me to call, she wanted to be in power, but never did. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- six months later: we start saying hello again when we cross paths at the tech we used to go to. One week i get this urge/overwhelming feeling that something s going to happen, and I miss her more than I had for ages. I make her a present, two cds of my favorite bands. We cross paths that week and say hi and I stop her and tell her i have soemthing for her. we agree to meet for coffee. we do and chat, and she seems surprised i gave her cds. i ask her if we'll play again (music) and she says well I am the only one she would ever want to play with, i know how she feels about me etc. I tell her im playing in other bands, she says shes not been doing any music. we then arrange at her suggestion to meet for a drink before end of the year, and jam after tech , wed need to chat before she'd jam again so stuff wouldnt happen again. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- over the next few weeks i see her around + id ask her if shes litening to my cds and she says no she hasnt had time. this goes on and one day i see her and shes quite stand offish, and sasy she dosnt like the music, (fair enough)but she says it in quite a snobby way, no thanks for my gift. Me being oversensitive at the time got very hurt. She then rings me at work, where she needed to get something done. i think shes ringing me. Shes not. I make chit chat, she then says she on her mobile and has to go shell call me back. i go home crying at the disappointment, feeling rejected, touchy as. she then gives something back to me when i ask for it, in not good condtion and then seems very hurried. i text her and say its not good enough, bye, completely fed up of the way she was treating me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- she then texts back, WTF??? I thought you were trying to fix things??? now you are freaking out again, blame blame blame. you broke my heart back then + to be honest ive been very wary. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- so i stand up to her for once. not very politely (cringe), sayn how I was too, and she hurt me too and im not overeacting i have feelings etc. we have a txt fight for some time. then i say i want closure, im not taking her **** anymore, she cant just treat me like that, be so rude. I then email trying to politely explain my point of view, and she doesnt want to hear it, [-X says its not appropriate to reply until tech is over shes busy. (OUCH) HEATED TXTS: I say don't reply if its she cant accept any blame for once, I needed to say that for closure, bye. She says, just as well, you didnt wan't to hear my closure speech. I end saying YOUR LOSS. (i have never stood up to her before). its been 6 months, and Im starting to miss her again BADLY. My head says don't go there, she tried to control you, treated you bad, but my heart cant let go of what we had, we were soulmates (in a friends way) I know she felt the same way about me. I know she missed me when I didnt contact her, she told people. SHe is VERY stubborn and won't back down , I always have to contact her. It's not that she doesnt have a huge soft in her heart for me i know she does, and probaly misses me like crazy, but she wont back down. I want to make peace. I feel terrible for what I said to her and am scared she wouldn't forgive me, but i have grown on my own and changed. I want her to see that and start again. I look really bad now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Should I hold my ground and suffer this loss, or should I stop being so defensive and tell her how I fell - big risks here of course, but the urge is so strong. our problem could be fixed so easily if we just talked openly. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I REALLY APPRECIATE ANYONE WHO HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO READ THIS !!!!!! woah
  2. found out my ex was seeing someone at the end of our 5 yr relationship, they are now together. Now the problem is I was doing so well to get over it I am now three months down the line have a really good life and can see that I am better off without him. BUT when we broke up he promised there was no one else 'he wouldn't do that to me' he also said he wanted to be single. Well in the last couple of weeks, I keep bumping into friends of ours/his (I haven't changed were I am going I think they have) they keep dripping small amounts of info out to me. I don't know what is true or not but I know it is bringing me down in a big way, I have asked them not to tell me but when you have had a few drinks you cant help it. I have lost all respect for him and although I don't feel upset about him being with her (I have seen them together and was even polite enough to go over and ask how they both are) I have a lot of unanswered questions which keep going round in my head. I would like to give him a call not to lecture or discuss us, but just to ask him to tell his friends to leave me alone and confirm what is true. Is this a bad idea? I have argued both sides with myself. If I see him, how do I know its the truth but on the other hand he has nothing to gain by lying anymore. I really want to just forget but I cant, I know it is none of my business what he does anymore. I would just like to know why it ended to give me full closure. Any advise is greatly appreciated!!!
  3. Here is Cecil de Volange again, crying and still yearning for her ex-boyfriend to return to her. I don't know if any of you remembers my post called "I'm Going INSANE!!!!" I talked about my either happiest or depressing moment of my life with my last love. I always think about him, and just wondering if his alright with his slight disorder. I called him on the phone the first week of September. Actually, I called him on the pay-phone, I just wanted to see if he change his cell phone number or something...well I just wanted to hear his voice, and when he picked it up, I hang-up. I wanted to talk to him and to just hold him in my arms, but I can't because were not meant to be. After a few minutes, I called him at my cell, because I decided what's to fear. When he answered the phone, I just felt a warm feeling in my heart. I made a little lie that I called to borrow his spanish book, but I just wanted to talk to him. He said his sorry for mistreating me, and others. Somehow the tone of his voice, he is not very happy to hear from me. WE only talk for about 30 minutes and we both said our good-byes. Around 9pm I called him again, I just wanted to talk for some closure, I guess. When he picked up the phone, I told him I'm moving to another house, and next thing you know he said "I don't want to keep your hopes up, but I have a girlfriend..." My heart sank. I'm not supposed to cry or even get hurt because I called for some closure only. Even though I have a chance to be with him again, I would not take that oppurtunity to shed anymore tears. I started crying, I don't know why, probably I was hurt because he never did loved me that he was just after my virginity which he failed to take away. All those false promises of love was just an attempt to hurt me. He denies that he wanted to take it away. I was crying and sobbing to him. I told him I'm just having a hard time moving one and I just want some closure. I told him what I have been through after the break up, such as: hatred towards men, isolation, seclusioness, and depression. He did mentioned that he prefers me then his new girlfriend. I told him to not hurt her the way he hurt me because I don't want her to go through what I went through. I was happy when he mentioned that he really liked the part when he has to meet my parent's for traditional purposes, such as asking their permission to take me out to dinner. He has never done anything like it before. He told me to move on. I did wrote him a letter confessing how much I cared for him and even loved him, but we were only meant to be friends. I still think about him, and sometimes I want to call him, but I must maintain a no contact for both of our sake. Right now, I'm happy because I am just aiming for my future in college to be a doctor. I'm sad because I can't have him the way I have always wanted him to be, such as being the perfect man that I wanted him to be.
  4. I found it funny that one day my wife loved me and then all the sudden filed for divorce. Today I asked her to please tell if she was with someone else. Sort of like a piece of closure for me I guess. After asking a couple of times she admitted there was someone else. the woman that believed faithfullness was so important and valued, lol. It hurt pretty bad to hear it but I guess I needed it to quit driving myself nuts trying to win her back. I know she's gone now, 5 years are wasted. It's hard to think when she had cancer I would have to dress her sometimes and help her with her makeup, only being a guy in my mid 20's it was alot. Then she is all better , and left. But you know I will have the memories in my heart forever. But after this I can't see trusting another woman ever again. I mean she had me bluffed the whole time and I had no clue.....
  5. Something interesting happened to me over the past few days which seems to have given me complete closure over the break up with my ex. I say SEEMS because I know I have only been feeling like this a couple of days but something has DEFINITELY changed. I sent a text to my ex. after four full months of no contact. (story is below under heading "what a fool I am!"). I received no reply to the text. At first it jolted me back to square one but then a day or so later something changed in me Funny enough me sending that final text and getting no reply was the best thing I could have done to get closure on this thing! Reason is that when we split there was lots of mixed signals and it was not calmly ended but in jolted stages. So when I instigated no contact with her for four full months I ended up building this person up in my mind into some kind of Goddess or perfect being. I was convincing myself I would NEVER love anyone as good again and that I had lost the love of my life BUT when I sent that text it was like all of those illusions in my head came crashing down. I then sat down and wrote a list of all the BAD things about being with her and when I read them it was a revelation! THIS was the person I wanted to be with so bad? THIS was the person I thought I cannot live without? Oh my God! There were so many things that I had blanked out in my mind during the No Contact. I had forgotten how badly I had been treated and how erratic was her behaviour towards me. The No Contact WAS helping me heal.... BUT... somehow the lack of contact was also building the relationship up into my mind into something it was not. Not seeing her was helping me on a day to day basis but I must have been clinging onto irrational hopes of a reconciliation and deluding myself into thinking one day it WOULD work out... but I never stopped to ask myself if it SHOULD. Now don't get me wrong. I am not chaning my mind about No Contact. It is a very good method for moving on but FOR ME I was obviously still clinging onto an illusion during the four months and not facing the fact that it was OVER. It was only when I sent the text asking to meet and talk and recieived no reply, and it was only after I sat down and HONESTLY looked at the relationship and made a list of all the things that were dysfunctional about the relationship that the veil started to lift from my eyes. Now I know that it has only been a few days and I am not out of the woods yet but something has definitely changed. Anybody relate? What is happening to me?
  6. Well, I'll try and make this short as possible. My best friend and I stopped speaking 5 months ago after he got a girlfriend. We were intimate and best friends for 5 years. I was even in a relationship those 5 years with someone else, meanwhile seeing my best friend on the side. He waited 5 years for me to come around and by the time I did he was with someone new and now won't talk to me. This has absolutely crushed my world. I think I realized then that I did love him more than I ever thought. Im n agony because my best friend won't talk to me. When I finally came around and asked him to try a relationship with us in public, he said he'd think about it and let me know in 2 days. Well, in those 2 days I found out about the other girl. He said he lied to me about her to spare my feelings. The girl is married and leaving her husband for him and moved in 5 months ago. I love the guy I'm with now very much but I need to get closure with my best friend, I feel. I feel as if I am emotionally betraying my boyfriend. My best friend's daughter said he doesn't hate me but why won't he call. My best friend told me he was "faithful" to me the 5 years we were "together" but I found out there was another woman he was sleeping with along with me. What do I do? Do I try to talk to him and get closure or just leave it be? Any comments negative or positive would be greatly appreciated!!!! I know I'm really messed up emotionally and not sure how to dig myself out. I owe it to my boyfriend and myself to get myself together.
  7. ugh, I don't know where to start and have a feeling this may be long. I really need some advice or something though. I can't think straight I met my boyfriend almost 2 years ago and we hit it off like nothing else! Like, fireworks-love at first sight-soul mate, hit it off. People noticed us and always commented on what a great couple we were. Everything was perfect and honestly felt like it always would be! So after 4 months we moved in with eachother and on our first anniversary, talked about how famously we get along with eachother, have the same sense of witty humor and always make eachother laugh, have fun with eachother no matter what we are or arent doing, feel completely comfortable around/talking to eachother, have an amazing bedroom life and just generally about how madly in love we are for one another and how blessed and special we felt. He started to enthusiasticly bring up the idea of marriage and future plans, which I was totally down with! At last, I had met my ideal perfect mate. life was great! 3 short months after our anniversary and talk, we go out and party it up on St Patricks Day. We had a totally great time like always and nothing seemed unusual. The next morning, I woke up and went to the washroom to do my business. As I was sitting on the toilet, I hear him shout from the door that he needs to be let in so he can go. I explained to him that I was in the middle of doing my thing and I would be out in 2 minutes. He freaked! "That's it, it's over! I'm sick of you!" I was completely blown away and had no idea what the heck was going on. I had no warning (since there hadn't been any warning signs) So there I was, sitting on the toilet, dumped, confused and wondering what I possibly did to make him act in such an out off the ordinary way. I followed (chased lol) him to the bedroom and asked him what was going on. he said "I just don't like your attitude lately and I don't think it's going to work" my attitude? I honestly hadn't been acting any different than I always do and it seemed like a flimsy half baked excuse. I said "fine" and left the room to clear my head. He came in the room only 5 minutes later and said he was sorry, that he didnt mean it and the stress of his job has him edgy and looking for something/anything to take it out on. We reconciled though I secretly felt very confused and afraid that it might be an omen of a serious break-up. After a few days of things being normal, I got over it and treated it like nothing more than a poorly handled "bad day". March - first breakup (mentioned above)/ he changed his mind April - dumped me again (this time I cried)/he started to cry when I did and changed his mind. May -dumped again/I left to go make plans at my mothers and he chased me down the street saying he didn't mean it. June-dumped AGAIN/this time I didn't take him seriously and just went to bed (he had changed his tune in the morning) July-more dumping lol/after a great big heart to heart about pretty much nothing that we didnt already know, he changed his mind August-yep, dumped/ This time I got angry and said I TOO wanted out. He cried and changed his mind September-At which point of being dumped so much would i figure out its time to go? lol/Made plans for packing and moving date and when things started going in the boxes, he changed his mind *jeeez* I told him that the next time he did it, I really would leave. October-He did it again and in mid-break-up changed his mind. So now, here I am. Lastnight we both got home from work and he excitedly wanted to rent some movies, curl up in bed to snuggle and have a romantic movie night. He suddenly started acting stand-offish and cold so I asked him what was wrong (like i didnt know!) yep, he dumped me and told me he wanted me out by the end of this weekend. I left the room to cool off and heard him starting to pack my stuff! this was new and suddenly a scary territory. He had changed his mind so often that I thought it was just another one of those days. I decided it would be best to talk to him and defuse the situation. He was so cold and distant that I hardly even recognized him. This time it seemed very real! I tried talking to him about but all he did was play the blame game and start getting pissy about anything and everything. He even said some extremely hurtful, cold and un-necesary things. We agreed That I will move out at the the end of the month so I can save up some money for an apartment of my own and I'm now sleeping on a couch in the other room. Just 2 nights before, he was asking me things like "do you love me? do you still find me attractive and sexy? do you still want to move away with me? do you still feel like we have a future?" He seemed very worried about it and naturally I calmed his fears. He said he felt better and was really worried that I was losing interest and that he didn't know how to fix it if I was. He gave me a giant hug and told me he loved me so much. Why would he worry about those things just to dump me 2 days later? I tried talking to him about it again this morning and suddenly "I want us to still be friends" and "I really do love you, I just dont think this will work" turned into "I dont ever want to see you again after you move and want you out of my life for good!" and "I don't love you anymore. I just said that so your feeling wouldn't be anymore hurt than they already are. I'm actually relieved that you're leaving!" holy $#!+, who is this person!? He suddenly seems like a totally different guy (a really evil one!) and acts like he had never had a damn feeling for me and I'm nothing more than some trash that needs to be taken out. Needless to say i'm extremely confused, heart-broken, scared and my self esteem feels like its taken a massive nose-dive into the rocks. I'm in a really bad place right now and I can't stop crying. He's waltzing around the house like nothing happened while I'm reduced to a teary kleenex coated lump on the couch. I know that it's pointless to try and fix this since it's obviously been dissected to a point beyond repair, even though I desperatly want nothing more than to stay together with him. For some reason I need to know why he would constantly breakup with me and then turn around sobbing like a baby for me to stay..and now mean it. I know I need to grieve (and oh boy, have i ever!) and start working on closure but it seems to me that closure means figuring out wtf this guys problem is. I need any advice or opinions you might have. Sorry this was so long, but I needed to get it out of my head and off my chest. I'm still kind of in the denial faze and think/hope he might change his mind or there is something i can say or do to change it for him. sheesh I keep asking him why he wants to breakup with me but he won't tell me. I asked if he had met someone or if I had done something wrong and he said no (he doesnt lie, ever, so i believe him). I said "I know you want to breakup and even though I REALLY don't, I just need to know why! I can't start to move forward without some closure and I'll go mad wondering why we broke up! Just tell me what changed for you and why this can't possibly be worked out" he told me to drop it and left the house for groceries (not before telling me that I wasn't allowed to eat his food) I can't think straight for more than a few minutes before my mind starts wandering and I really need some advice or opinions Help!
  8. Had a 5 year relationship that ended 5 years ago. But it seemed that each year I don't fail to dream of him and me being together again. Though I already had forgiven him and released all resentments and ill feelings I had of him and the relationship. Whenever I thought of somebody else, I got to dream of him going back to me. He is married now and I don't think of him anymore. Some people told me that he hasn't released me yet or still has ill feelings toward me. Some even adviced me for a closure by talking to him about it personally. I don't see any reason why I should do it, or all the more I have the reason to do so? What are your interpretations of such. I welcome any advice that you, the reader, can give. thanks a whole bunch..
  9. I don't wish to upset anyone who has lost a loved one through death (though, myself know 100% that death is most certainly not the end) ... but I've been wondering, if death brings more closure than separation. Particularly if the separation wasn't good. With death - there is a fundamental finality, that the loved one is gone - and no more are they in this world. With separation - I don't think there can ever be closure. It's impossible to stop thinking of them. They are still in this world, and perhaps they are having the time of their lives with someone else. Whilst you pine away in great abjection. You cannot ever stop thinking 'could have been', 'what if' etc. Regret consumes you in the beginning, and things in the world never totally look the same again. Part of your heart forever is lost. I know that people do think 'what if' when a loved one dies, but death brings closure. It's totally insurmountable. But if you split-up with someone, closure can rarely come. Yes, you can go on to other relationships etc., but part of you never can be reconciled, as in death. It may take a longer time for someone to get over the death of a loved one, than a break-up, but I can't help but think that somehow you can 'accept' the death after a time, in a way you never can if you separate from someone. At least if a loved one dies, you can look back at the good times with a fondness. I don't think you can really look back with fondness with someone you broke up with. Melancholy and regret will cloud your memories...
  10. Hi there!!! My ex broke off with me 4 months ago. It was very painful at the beginning but now Im getting better. Im not fullyl healed and I have not seen improvement for 3 weeks now. The problem, I think, is that i dont think I will be able to get "closure" until my -ex- finds a new boyfriend. Is it commom, normal? I would really like to get closure but I dont know how. Are there some tipsI could use so I can stop thinking about her coming back? Sometimes I just wish to hear that she's finally found a new love so I can completely forget about her. But now, she's still alone and I often see, talk to her a bit every now and then because we live in a very small town and its very to difficult to avoid her. Thank you in advance for your answer! Appreciated a lot!!! ***would trade my bellybutton for a healing button, interested???***
  11. Is there no way to get someone back when they won't even talk to you? Or at least get some closure? She want return my calls, so I stopped calling her. She doesn't return my emails. We passed each other driving by once and I could tell she avoided looking in my direction. She won't even let me know why she broke it off. I'm sure the answer is "She's Crazy!" At least that's what everyone else thinks. Never has any girl just said "bye" to me with no reason. I guess I should just let it go. I want so bad to send her one last email saying "if you are going to treat me like this then I don't want to talk to you anyway" but I don't won't to be an ass, even though she deserves it. Seems like the only time she ever has really listened is when I just got mad and stood up for myself. It would at least give me some closure. Anyone have an opinion? thanks,
  12. Two months ago I called things of with my ex because neither of us were happy and we needed to spend some time apart to figure out what we wanted. Having been without her for that amount of time i realize how much I love her and I'm able to see all the errors of my ways during the time we were together. I miss her deerly and would like nothing more than to give things another try but i know this is something that can only be done when the time is right and if we both feel the same way. Since we separated I met up with her and told her that if she felt there was no chance that we'd ever be able to give things another go i'd prefer it if she could tell me outright. This was very hard for me to do because, although it would give me closure it's actually the last thing i really want to hear. She sais that at the moment shes enjoying single life, and doesn't want a relationship with anyone. As far as a relationship with me in the future goes, shes still deciding what she wants. The thing I fear the most is being kept waiting for months only for her decide she doesn't want get back together. In the mean time I feel at a complete loose end and not really sure what to do.
  13. hi there.i recently posted sayin im struggling to move on after the break up with my LDR gf.ive been told by more than one person to call or contact my ex to get closure. im pretty convinced that she broke up with me because of the distance between us meant we 1.never got to see each other and hence 2.i wasnt there wen she needed me.i know that she had someone else who lives in her town who shes seeingand they started goingout straight after she broke up with me. the thing that upsets me lately is that she loved me with all her heart and i did wit all of mine.i also know that if we were closer then we would have got married and spent our lives together.we were prefect for each other. im trying to get over it wit help from hanging with my best m8s and just staying busy doing things.this is helping but i think its not the full answer.i still think of her and wonder what mite have been if it werent for the distance.i know i did nothing wrong in the relationship and that i did the best i could. having explained,i want to know what to say to her if i do call her to get closure.i dont want to be nasty to her cos i dont hate her, i just miss having the love of my life. any response is welcome.thx.
  14. Hi, I'm deleting this post because it was just too long and nobody was replying to it. I concluded that to get closure, I can only get it from her. I left her a voice mail asking her to call me. She hasn't called back. I know she probably won't - but I guess in a way that is closure anyway. I've probably scared her off properly now by calling her and leaving an intense message on her answering machine. So at least now I know it is really and trully over. I will just have to deal with the fact that it is well and trully over now and try to find someone else.
  15. As I have said before, my supervisor had left the company, and I handed in my 2 weeks, but I decided to stay working for just two days a week, till I find another suitable part time job; Since my boss wouldn't let me go, cause I'm "indisposable." Anyway, I applied at this other company, weeks before I handed in my two week notice. Anyway, when I applied for a job, I had absolutely no idea that my supervisor had applied for a job in the same company, but in different branch; she got hired. The hiring manager had rescently called me for an interview. If I get hired, my former supervisor and I are going to be working for the same company, but for different branches. Chances are, if she gets transfered to where my branch is, we will end up working together again. The main reason I handed in my two weeks was, our situation wasn't going back the way it was before; I want to get away from her, in order to gain closure and healing. Plus, I've already created too much of a problem with my situation with her, that the management had to be involve. And of course, no one would admit it, but I might be the reaon why my supervisor had filed her two weeks, because I jeopardized her bid for the assistant manager position, when the upper management got involved. This company that we both applied for was a big video rental company (with branches accross the US). There's one more, I have been a long time"preferred" member at the branch where she now works (I've been a member there, way before I met her). Everytime I rent movies, I see her. She just wouldn't go away....weird huh?
  16. I had first fallen in love with a guy in 1998 and it was the best thing that happened to me. But all came to an end when he broke up with me. In summary what he had to say was "I think we should just be friends, you should forget that we were ever together, I just think that we are "different". " These were painfull things coming from someonw who I was deeply in love with and cared about and someone who had told me that he loved me too. Summer started and he went to visit his parents overseas....it was the worst summer of my life because I had NO CLUE why he had broken up with me. Things looked up when I was finally able to get in contact with him when summer ended and he came back from overseas. However, I was shocked and saddened the way his personality had changed. This person who had spent endless hours on the phone with me could not give me the time of day. Being in my depressed state I begged him for just 5 minutes of his time and told him that it was very hard for me to deal with the situation and if he could spare me just 5 minutes I would want to talk about it. In response he told me that I should not call him again and if I did he would hang up on my face. I tried again after a month or so and he kept on saying that "Im sorry I just cant talk to u anymore" he said this over and over again and hung up on me. That was the last conversation I had with him. This was the worst time of my life, I went from being depressed to being bitter and then being careless I slept around and lost my virginity to a guy whose name I dont remember, only that I had met him at a party. During these times I heard rumors of everything from him (my x) getting engaged back home to still being single. I finally decieded to do some spying and started talking to him pretending to be someone else on the net. As our conversations progressed I found out that he was no longer interested in talking to anyone about me (his x) and was openly flirting with the girl he didnt know was me on the net. Five years have passed now and I still dont have any closure...I dont know the reason why he broke up with me. Was he engaged? Was he not? Why did he go from loving me to not even giving me 5 minutes on the phone? Was he never engaged? Did he ever love me? Although time has done me some good and made things better I did have some short term unsuccessfull relationships after him. But I have found NO CLOSURE to my first love. He never sat me down and gave me a REAL REASON to why he was leaving me. This has been a painfull issue for me and I fear that it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I have no way of finding out these answers...but till today I still wonder WHAT WENT WRONG. And everytime I do I start crying, sometimes I get very upset when I have a dream of him (once in a blue moon). Even in my dreams I ask him why he did what he did and all I see is him turn away or not say anything ( It may sound creepy but I have 5-6 dreams about him in a situation which involved me talking and asking him while he just walked away or did not say anything). I have so many unanswered questions and even though I know that I have moved on and accepted it the FACT THAT I DUNNO WHAT WENT WRONG! bothers me. I feel as if I will carry this burden on my shoulders when I get married, have kids, have grandkids, and to my grave. It is as if I have been punished for life and will never know the REASON. I wonder if he knows what HE HAS DONE 5 years ago has caused me a lifetime of pain, not even the part of breaking up BUT THE PART OF NOT GIVING ME A FAIR CLOSURE. What is hard to bear is that at this point he has moved on with his part of the relationship maybe he is married, maybe he has kids but I am the one who has been left behind with unanswered questions. Sometimes just random small things I see, hear, or read remind me of him. Just like I was reading something and he came to my mind and I started thinking of him and started crying and came to this board. I am 25 now and I have my whole life ahead of me I dont know how I will live WITHOUT ANY CLOSURE it has haunted me for 5 years and it will haunt me for a lifetime i suspect.
  17. Well last sunday my girl broke up with me after going together for almost a year. The relationship was not the best and I do know that in my brain except my heart really still cares about her. We would argue all the time over trivial things and I think my stupid jealous comments pushed her away. I know thats what happened. You see, I am 22 and this was my first relationship....I may be 22 and mature in all other aspects, but in relationships, Im only 16 or 17, understand? I fell so hard for her but now after being away from her for 3 days I know that this is what shes wanted for a couple months, i think she didnt want to hurt me because she really does care about me......I do know that theres not another guy, I really believe that she meant it when she told me she didnt want to be with no one.....(shes been in relationships almost back to back for 3 years) and she just wants to hang by herself. (all she does 90% of the time is stays home and watches Lifetime) and she dosnt go out cause her dad is WAY overprotective because she has had open heart surgery twice when she was younger and her dad causes her a lot of stress too. (shes 20 ) so anyways , in the relationship, i always gave 100% and felt she only gave 40% and i guess her heart lost interest.......so i feel alright now, feeling between sadness and anger and I went to give her locker key back today at her work and she told her coworkers to tell me she left early when I know it was a lie ( she was in the back and i guess she was nervous or scared to see me) so I wrote her a little letter and it was givin to her. I DID NOT want her to know I was very sad so i put on the mask and wrote that, " Thank you for what you did" and, " you set me free" and, it feels like a weights been lifted and so i guess its goodbye" ya know, stuff like that, cause I wanted a sense of closure and I do feel a little better. Its only been three days so Im sure ill still have my setbacks. Its just hard to believe its over. She was my first love and Lover and i was alone before i met her and its hard adjusting back to being bymyself ( i have no friends ) im trying to stay busy and im going out to a club/bar this friday night to see what that is all about. my question is do you guys think i wrote some good stuff there? I think i may of shocked her because monday the last time i saw her i was a wreck ( crying and aking for another chance ) so today i appeared really happy and like I was ok so im sure that letter surprised her...........anyways, is that good closure, should i just move on now? thanks
  18. Hey everybody, I have a question. If you have sent your ex a letter or email of closure did it help you? If so, did it help you two become friends or just help close things for you? I am writing one for my ex, but not sure if I want to send it or not. I have to have some kind of closure and get on with my life and I want him to know how much I learned from our relationship. Not going to be mushy or even ask him for anything, just a letter to help me along. Opinions? Lisa
  19. Allison and I dated for 4 months then she "disappeared". (said she wanted to focus more on school). She apologized for being "selfish" but said that she still cared for me. I heard from her, on and off, for 7 weeks, but didn't see her. In early December, she started calling again but never explained why she just walked away without an explanation. This really hurt. I was sick, I couldn't sleep and I was having awful anxiety attacks. But I was glad to hear from her again because I knew she was okay. We went to a concert on December 13th and I haven't seen her since. We've talked on the phone but haven't had "THE Talk" yet. I want to talk to her in person but she always seems to have an excuse. I'm getting extremely pi**ed off at her. She came into my life unexpectedly last summer and things were wonderful. Now, we are barely acquaintances! I'm looking for closure or hope from her but I'm getting neither. Friends at work ask me "how's Allison doing" and I'm embarrassed to say "I don't know". They look at me shocked - "what do you mean you haven't heard from her, I thought she loved you". All I want is explanation from her as to what's going on her mind and her heart. I've tried to move on but haven't been able to. If I had closure from her I might be able to move on. Any ideas as to how I can get her to open up?
  20. Its been three weeks since I have heard from what I thought was my boyfriend. I dropped him off after a party where he was telling my friends that I was the one and never heard from him again. It wasn't unusual not to here from him for a day or so but then I was leaving for Fl and knew I needed to get his ticket to meet me there to him. So I sent it UPS and called his house. Being that he still lives with his parents I spoke to his mother and asked why he hadn't called me back and she said she didn't know. Thus he never came to florida and has never called. I have some of his belongs that I was going to mail back to him and wanted to enclose a letter to help me with closure.....being that there hasn't been any closure. The letter isn't going to be spiteful or rude just my feelings and how he hurt me. Any advice? Should I bother?
  21. Hey all, I would usually see past the B.S. But I haven't been in this type of position before. This girl who I've known for about a year because we met at work and then she was with my best friend for 8 months. I would have never thought me and her would have feelings now 4 1/2 months after their breakup ( on his accord ) but he still wanted her. She didn't feel the same way and finally had the courage to not fear his reaction have closure so she can end the pain and stress that was brought onto her and so he can finally move on for himself. She's said she wanted her space which wasn't given. She's dated numerous guys, and she became intimate no sexually with another guy as well, but she decided for herself that she didn't want that. We, as friends talked frequently but just as friends. But recently we went out and something happened. I never thought it would happen but I would have liked to in the beginning but couldn't and didn't want to because of my position. She said and feels the same and somehow she see's something in me, now, honesty is something we agreed on, should I ask her what it is because I'm confused. or am I another rebound relationship for her? How can I tell the signs? I can't tell. help
  22. Love is all so confusing, its hard to move on when you dont fully understand what happened in the last relationship especially if you were never given closure at all! what is with that anyways, why do people not give closure? is it because they dont wnat you to move on??? anyways I have quite along story , many of yuo may relate to. When i was 19 i met this amazing guy almost by fate, we had kept in touch via emails but never met as I lived in usa and he in ireland. I was to move to ireland the next year and coincidentally we met!!! we started seeing each other though he warned me he could never get too close simce he was hurt by his last girlfriend some years ago not unless it was for sure and it would work out and i was a traveller whos visa was soon to run out. He never told me he loved me but when he showed it he really showed it and when i got tired of waiting for him to be sure if he could really try he would chase after me sayin i didnt know how much he cared how much he thought about me etc and how if he could he would be with me and it was just the wrong timimng, he needed to sort his head out etc first. anyways i left before that after way too much stress and he went on medication for stress also, he started seeing someone else though he said he still had feelings for me and still hoped we would work out in the end. i wasnt gong to wait for that though and tried to forget about him but i couldnt, we eventually got back in touch but now hes still with her and still says he fantasies about me and he wouldnt see me again cos he knew he would come onto me , i wasnt sure if that was an exscuse, he said he was just worried about it. anyways we still keep in touch even 2 yrs later and he still says he fantasises about me even though he says he loves his girlfriend, but im over him. sometimes though i wonder if he did love me and if you can be in love but not do anything about it cos its not the right time, something as simple as that. i always believed if you loved someone you would give up anytning and just do it. my friends think i was the one who got away for hm as he still says he fantasises etc and wants things to remind him of me , him sayin these things was hard as it never gave me closure. anyways i promised myself after so long of heartache and pain not to ever get involved with anyone but the best, soeone who wouldnt hurt me like that who didnt have emotional hang ups, and i me this person and he loves me so much. the thing is im sure im falling in love with him, we have only been together 6 mnths slightly on and off but i have to leave to study abroad for 8mnths and i feel like im scared to hurt him or him hurt me but do i love him but if im willing to still go overseas and not give up my dreams of living my life before getting involved again does it mean im not in love with him? just cos im not willing to not go abroad because im not ready to!!!! but is that normal???can i be in love and just not be ready ...can yo be in love with someone and not follow it hrough just because the timimng isnt right ????? its ironic how the situation you were in in a past relationship was the other person being scared to commit and then in your next its you!! so what do you think can you be in love but not follow it through or risk loosing it just beacuse of bad timiing???
  23. When I was in college I dated a guy from my freshman year to my senior year. Over the years the relationship got worse and worse, verbally and at times physically abusive, but we were both so used to it (as ridiculous as that sounds) that we stayed in it. We broke up at graduation 6 years ago and I have not seen him since. The break up was very hard and I did some things I am not proud of but he took on the attitude that he was moving on and it was so easy for him. I was young and immature and the fact that he hurt me made me want to hurt him back so he could feel the pain he caused me. I know I should be relieved that I am not in this relationship any more..I have gotten married but I just don't feel I have ever had closure on this relationship. I am ashamed of the things I did and how everything ended. It still hurts me that we were so close and it turned into such an ugly thing. I feel pathetic that after all these years and the fact that I am married that I cannot let go to the past. I have contemplated writing my ex a later and even discussed this with my husband because I feel he should know what I have been feeling. He thinks I should just move on but for some reason I struggle with it. I would like to write him a letter and just apologize for my past actions-I don't want to look back on life with regrets and this is something I regret. I think my ex may take it as a power thing that after 6 years he still has this influence on me..but I need to move on...help?!?! How do I get this closure?
  24. I was dumped recently by my ex amidst rumours of her having an affair with another girl. I have asked her just to try to work things out and she has spurned me in some very cruel ways and shows no interest in reconciling. I am hurting so badly words cannot describe because I stood by this girl and was always there for her through thick and thin in our 1 1/2 year relationship. I am not perfect and I made mistakes as all human beings do in relationships. I admitted to them and asked her forgiveness as I am someone who believes in owning up to ones errs. I did not cheat on her but rather the mistakes I made that hurt her could be forgiven. I have asked her to sit down and talk to me face to face no strings attached because I just want to be able to understand what went wrong completely and even if it is because of this other woman I can at least have closure knowing that is the real reason we broke up. She hangs phones up on me no matter how nice I try to be when I call her. She told me to please just get over it. This girl used to want to be with me all the time and loved me to death so how can someone just turn against you like that without even giving you the time of day? How can you leave someone hurting and in limbo when you just need to be honest with them and give a little of your time to help them accept your parting and move on hopefully maybe even as a friend in the future? I am angry and hurt and of course feel like this new girl must have some quality or something over me why I was dissed by my g/f. I am going crazy inside with these feelings because I always felt my g/f would have my back in any situation and being cruel to me is not necessary. I have made so many sacrifices for this girl and even though she says she appreciates all of them I feel like that isnt true because actions speak louder than words. If she valued me as a person and someone she once shared a very close intimate relationship with whom she really was in love with and cared for why is it she cant talk to me one last time to help me resolve all my unanswered questions? Anyone in a similar situation who truly understands how I feel and has advice on how to get through this heartache without closure if she never gives it to me please respond. Thanks a bunch.
  • Create New...