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  1. If you were a dumpee, did you ever get closure? If so, when? Did you actually get to sit down with your ex and talk it out? I'm 21 and my ex is 24. He dumped me back in October after I (yes, I was an idiot) called him up and got into a heated argument on the phone and then all we had was a 30min phone conversation the next week. I haven't seen him in person since October 18. He said that with his last girlfriends he never gave them an explanation but said that I deserved one. I told him I wouldn't feel closure unless I saw him in person and talked it out. He told me that he didn't know when we would see each other because "these types of things don't have a timeline". I know its only been 2 months but I just feel like if we aren't going to be together then can i AT LEAST get closure to move on with my life? When he broke up with me he said that: --I did nothing wrong ---I really wouldn't want to be with someone like him --he is going through a lot of personal stuff -- he said he is hurting a lot too but it was nice to not be worried about someone and have to text them everyday -- Asked if I would want to be with someone that just wants to watch tv and sports all day? -- he needs more space -- he keeps everything bottled up --said something to the affect that it has been like this for a few months --said that if it didn't end now, it would have eventually ended ---can't be with anyone because he needs to fix his own life, doesn't want to drag me along/hold me back --we both have a lot of growing up to do Despite all of this, i still LOVE and care about his so much and have hope/faith that he can turn his life around. I respect that he wants to fix some things in his life and that he needs space, but do you think there is any hope in us getting back together or do think that I will at least ever get closure? =/ He always used to tell me that he wanted to be with me forever and we talked about marriage and children....things started to change in August and i noticed him pulling back more because of financial problems and stress with his family. It's just weird because we are still friends on FB. I've been debating deleting him on FB but decided not to. I have made a commitment to myself yesterday to not look at his FB or Instagram. Damn it's gunna be hard but I know its for the best. uggggh will i ever get closure or will he ever come back?
  2. I posted the other day at probably the lowest point for me since the very abrupt end of my relationship with my fiancé. He has ghosted me since the split which was driving me insane as all I wanted was some answers. Well today I got what I wanted but not in the way of hoped. He still had no answers but did not struggle to attempt to make me feel bad for him. It was all about him. How he feels (without even telling me how he feels), how I'm being unreasonable when expressing my sadness over the situation and how I have no understanding of who he is as a result. He was simultaneously trying to make me feel for him whilst he attacked me for feeling anything. A side I'd never seen on him before. I've got my closure. He's a manipulative, childish liar. Bullet dodged and I thank all the kind words of advice in my last post. I still love him and miss him and wish things could have gone differently but I am finding myself lucky not to have to go through that again as it would only have come out at a later date and destroy me.
  3. Shattered in to pieces. That is what my heart probably looks like right now. I didn't see the break up coming, and it's even harder to heal because I didn't get any closure. I don't think that 'last text' counts. You don't end an almost three year relationship with a text. Some people are just really heartless like that, eh? Been crying for almost every night this February. It still hurts like hell as I am typing this, but I guess I'd just have to endure this and allow time to heal me. But it's easier said than done. Also trying my best not to contact her or be in touch, but still relapsing from time to time. (I would also appreciate if someone give advice on how to resist contacting your ex?). My head is messed up right now. It's tough to be dumped, but it's truly tougher not having any closure! I'll forever wonder what really went down that night. At this point, it feels like the wound is forever gonna linger. So tell me, is closure really essential to heal? At least, as a first step to move on?
  4. I broke up with my now ex on a “hunch”, something didn’t feel right. I’m not gonna go into every little “sketchy” thing that happened, but she would disappear hours on end, etc. After the breakup I went to stalk her on Instagram (I didn’t have Instagram during our relationship) and I found that she had posted a picture of her ex when we had first started seeing each other. I had asked her if she was seeing anyone on our first date and she said no. This was a very short relationship (5months) but I still have feelings for her. I want to confront her about it but I don’t know if that will help me get closure (knowing that I did the right thing) or if it’s not worth it.
  5. So I met this guy 4 months ago one night when I was out with the girls. The minute we met we were attached at the hips and teasing eachother with our crazy sarcasm and jokes all night and ended the night with a kiss. Almost every night for two weeks we were still attached at the hip and having so much fun. I’m telling you I’ve never felt like this with anyone else I don’t know how to explain it he brings out the best in me and I can be my total self around him. Anyways Unfortunatley after the two weeks he did something a little shady and went back with an ex( long story) I thought he was an ass and didn’t speak to him for 4 months. So then came a couple weeks ago. I felt like I needed closure with him. they ended up breaking up not long after getting together. So anyways I finally got my stubborn butt to text him and just tell him hi and that I forgave him. We had a great conversation that ended that night totally innocent. Things still didn’t feel like closure I can’t get the man out of my head and I knew he missed me I swear I could feel him think about me. So a couple days ago. We were texting and he finally came out and said “I would really love to explain things in person what I did was wrong but I still think you deserve an explanation. I’ve missed you and I think about you a lot but I figured I totally blew it” So I invited him over the next night and we talked and talked and talked like we never spent time apart. We finally talked about what had happened and I did realize I did misunderstood some of it and yes he was wrong too. But it made more sense. And then I explained how painful it was that he did that and he said I’m so sorry I’m so glad your telling me this in person bc I can really see it and how badly it hurt you. He ended up telling me he really liked me and our chemistry was great so that was so nice to hear. So we ended the night on a good note. No touching kissing nothing! After he left I felt horrible not knowing if we were going to start talking again or not was that the last time I see him? So the next day I was actually feeling sad not knowing if I should text him or not and I almost felt he felt the same wayso I didn’t I woke up the next morning with a text from him from the night before “did you have a good day?” Him and I are always kind of both afraid if eachother is interested or not and both don’t want to be too pushy that’s just who we are. So after that text I got that morning I sent him one back and e texted through out the day and night and he texted me good night that night. So then the next day came around I didn’t hear anything from him and I have no idea if he’s trying to be nice or if he’s feeling the same way I am and just compleltey not sure where eachother are and what we want to do. I didn’t hear from him at all that day and still haven’t today.... What do you guys think? Do you think he’s just not interested? Feels unsure like me? Not worth it? I tell ya this guy would not be my first pick for looks but Deffinatley not my last but our chemistry and connection is unreal. I’ve never felt a bond or connection like I do with him and I thought that the very same day. I know he’s supposed to be in my life one way or another. He makes me feel like I want to be my best self without feeling weird and the kisses..... woah 😍 it’s like nothing ever before.
  6. Hello everyone. My gf (25) and I (24) had been dating for just under a year and I thought things were going great. We had trips planned this summer and had even planned on moving in together in October. Then, without any real warning, she broke up with me last Friday without saying much about why. We didn't have a major blow up or fight the last time we saw each other. She really only said she's been so crazy at work and stressed out and she isn't sure how she feels in the relationship. I was graceful on the phone with her and we hung up. The next few days were obviously hard but I avoided any urge to contact her for at least the full weekend. On Tuesday, I sent her a text saying I respected her space but wanted to reconnect with her next week to talk about what happened. She didn't text me back until the next evening, but said she thought about what I said and didn't want our break up phone call to be the last time we talked to each other. She wanted to meet up and talk. At first, I was excited as I really do want a chance to reconcile with her, but I'm also trying to level with my expectations. Part of me feels its a good sign she reached out to me when she didn't have to. I told her I'd contact her again next week so we had time to process things and she chose to respond only one day later. The next day she also sent me two snapchats of her at work. Although I may be overanalyzing this, she also hasn't taken done the photos of the two of us from her facebook. The other part of me though thinks she is simply giving me what I asked her- closure. I'm sure she feels bad about this too and maybe this is her way of trying to gain closure herself and talk about her perspective. I'd hate to assume she wants to reconcile and then have that not happen and feel duped, thus starting the breakup process almost over again. I'm driving myself insane thinking of all the possibilities and overanalyzing everything. We planned to meet Saturday to talk. What are your thoughts by her actions and do I have the right to be excited about her wanting to talk? P.S. I have already deeply thought about our relationship and some positive changes we'd both need to make in the future. Although I feel we did have a healthy relationship, our communication has to greatly improve and I think we both need to be more honest with each other. Therefore, I'm willing to put place effort to better what failed before.
  7. Hi guys, I had an interview with Goldman Sachs last Wednesday. I met the recruiter from their HR department same day for coffee, he told me they move really quick once they like you. Like same day offer quick. I met 5 people total, 4 rounds of interview. One session was with the hiring manager where i had to do coder-pad interview. They asked me about 6 algorithm questions all together but two of them i had to code in coder-pad. I did very well with the rest but failed to answered one coder-pad question which was conducted by hiring manager. After the interview, I send the recruiter a quick email telling him how i did it. Overall, i think i did pretty ok. Other than the fact that I wasn't able to answer one question fully. He said he will send the hiring manager email and let me know. He didn't email or call me until the next day, so i followed up because Friday was bank holiday, and we are all off on that day. He said he's still hoping to hear something end of the day and let me know. But I heard nothing. so it's Monday morning now, I texted the HR recruiter again saying that i had some free time over the weekend, so i thought of coding the question i couldn't answer, I would like to email that to the Hiring manager along with a thank you note. I don't have his email address, so I asked the recruiter if he could give it to me, if not it's fine. I told him i will send the email to him so that he could forward it to the hiring manager. He told me to send it to him and he will forward it to the hiring manager. My application status is still under review online when i checked this morning. I'm just trying to find out, if they have decided not to move forward with my candidacy or what. I would be ok either way. but They are not telling me anything, so I'm staring to get anxious. I just want to get some closure even if it was a no.
  8. My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. When we broke up, she said some things along the lines of ''I know I'm going to end up waiting for you. It's your responsibility to come to me when you make the relationship work. I still love you. Let's talk in a month or so''. I know that people say a lot of things in breakups to create a soft landing, but it's hard to know how much she meant. We both agreed to the break up because things had become toxic, but I was a little more resistant than she was. I recently asked if she had a chance to talk about closure because leaving the door half-open like that has made it very hard for me to move forward without looking back. I want the opportunity to respectfully tell her that I need to shut the door permanently for my own sense of closure. However, when I asked her a week ago to talk about closure, she took a while to respond and then eventually said she didn't think talking was the best idea because she didn't want to ''continue regressing into sadness''. I didn't respond. That was over a week ago. Is there anything I can do to feel like I've shut the door? Would it be productive at all to ask her again to talk or send a text, or is this just something I need to decide internally? I feel like it would do wonders for my ability to move forward if I had the opportunity to explain that I need to shut the door, but maybe I'm just fooling myself. Any advice is appreciated.
  9. My break up is a long and complicated story but in short, my ex just kinda left after 7 years together and I never got any of my questions answered or any closure of any kind. She won't contact me and everytime I contact her she mainly just ignores me except for one email she sent where she said she was sorry and that she had been confused for a longtime? but when I wanted to know specifically why she borke up with me she just stopped talking to me. I just feel like she abandoned me and just left me here holding all the emotional baggage without having any context in which to sort it all out. How do I get closure in this situation?
  10. Okay- I've been taking a lot of the wise advice on ENA and taking the difficult but RIGHT steps to moving on (No contact, acceptance, learning to love myself etc). And I've spoken about my breakup a lot already but I just want some clarity (if that's possible). As some of you may be aware from my previous messages- my ex and I have a joint account together and some valuable items to return. Some people have said that this is simple- forget the items, remove MYSELF from the account, and keep it moving. Now this is fine, but I don't feel comfortable doing this. I would prefer to actually meet up and do the necessary closure, I feel like I need to do that to 'close the door', if you like. For my own healing process. However, my ex has been increasingly mad at me- I did a couple of silly things recently, like sending him sentimental texts on his bday and have been texting his Mum (who doesn't support the breakup and thinks I should 'fight' for him, and give him 'a little time' to cool off and digest everything). She believes that he is just upset and needs time to process everything- I'm not so sure if this is the case. He found out that I had spoken to his mother, and that, combined with the bday texts has caused him to completely shut down and is not returning a single text. I did leave him 2 very explanatory voice notes explaining in depth that texting him on his birthday/ texting his mum was not intended to hurt him but it was my way of trying to fight for someone I love. Of course I know this was inappropriate of me and I apologised for this in the voice notes. The voice notes made no difference and I still haven't heard from him. His Mum told me that she spoke to him and he told her he is in 'no rush' to meet me to close the account etc, and that he will let me know when he's ready and available to do so. When the breakup intially happened I genuinely believed he was 'busy' and this was the reason why he kept stalling things- but now I know he is deliberately stalling it and I'm not sure why. I have three theories on why this could be: 1. He doesn't want to deal with me right now because he's mad and upset, but ultimately is still done with the relationship 2. He is punishing me with 'silent treatment' 3. He secretly is unsure about ending things and needs time to assess things (he's done that before). The truth is, I really have no idea what goes on in the complicated head/heart of my ex. Either way, I have text him umpteen times because I need closure. I know some people say 'closure' isn't always necessary but the thing is, I know that he is going to contact me eventually anyway, whether it's to close the account or for some other reason, and I would prefer to have just gotten it all over with so that it isn't lingering and stopping me from completely moving on. It's quite unnerving to not know whether he'll text me in a week, a month, 2 months etc. I do want to make it very clear that I have been completely honest and mature about my feelings- I've told him repeatedly that I didn't want this breakup but that I respect his wishes of moving on, and that dragging things out on purpose isn't going to help either of us. I don't understand why someone who SUPPOSEDLY would want you out of their life would stall things like this. Wouldn't it make more sense to meet me and do the necessary closure of the account/relationship/return belongings and then never have to hear from me again? I mean, a part of me wonders if he is enjoying reading all the texts and attention he has been getting from me, otherwise he would've blocked me, right? I can 'work on myself' from dusk until dawn but the trepidation of 'waiting' for the inevitable text from him is going to linger and I could do without that. I dunno- perhaps I'm a little foolish for wanting 'closure' but really I am just trying to understand the underlying feelings he may be having. Being with someone for years, who I do still care about deeply (and I know he cares too, even if he doesn't say), I want to do things properly. I could just send him his belongings and take action to closing the joint account by myself but I am really avoiding that unless that is absolutely necessary. I'm going to give it a little time and work on myself and hopefully he will be in touch and we'll take it from there. Perhaps that's not the best course of action but it feels like the most digestible approach I can take right now.
  11. I recently came back into contact with someone I've (admittedly) had feelings for on and off for about 9 years. We dated a long time ago when we were very young kids (about 12) and have always had a strong attraction, one we've both acknowledged openly for the first time since speaking again. We basically were never single at the same time in order to pursue that attraction, but our reconnection has made it apparent to both of us that it is still very much present. All of this is well and good... except we are both in committed long term relationships, and he intends to propose to his girlfriend by the end of next year. We are both incredibly young (21) and he has only been in relationship for about a year, while I've been in mine for two. I guess I've never had any closure with this guy, and it's effected every relationship I've had since. In my attempt to gain that closure, I've only further complicated things but finding out his feelings are and always have been reciprocated despite the fact that we both pursue relationships with other people. I'm going through a lot of emotional and psychological trauma dealing with sexual assault from a past partner, which is part of the reason I reached out to him. He's so easy to talk to, and with no judgment. Especially since my boyfriend and I are currently doing long distance, it's easier to share my problems with him rather than my boyfriend because my S/O is overwhlemed with a lot of his own personal issues at the moment. Should I cut off the old flame? Should I try to pursue a casual friendship despite obvious feelings? Do I risk hurting my own relationship and his with no reward? He said his girlfriend knows about our communication and is okay with it, but I highly doubt he shared a majority of our conversations with her given the nature of them. So I guess I'm asking... what's my next step?
  12. My ex finally returned my phone call and has agreed to meet with me next week. I have not seen him in 3 months and have only spoken to him twice since the break up so there has been plenty of NC and time to heal. Of course like most of you I am hopng that at some point in time there may be a reconciliation. If nothing less I think it will provide closure but as I said I would prefer a second chance. What is the best way for me to handle this so it might lead in the direction I am hoping?
  13. Okay, I found this forum quite a bit after I contacted my ex. I had not spoken or heard from him in 3 years...and I kept wondering how he was doing...so I emailed him. That was about 6 months ago. There have been about 10 emails exchanged in that time. I asked if he had kids, he said no. Fast forward to now. I called his mom's house looking for him (before I found this and other forums), and afterwards, realised what an idiot I am for doing so...I called like 2 months ago. So 2 weeks ago, he called my cell phone. It was a bit surreal and totally caught me off guard. I told him we cannot talk anymore. By the time he had called me, I had started NC again. So I had not heard from him since that call until I checked my email this morning. He wanted to know why I called his moms if I didn't want to talk to him. He says he has a son that he needs to keep safe...whatever that means...b/c I was told he had no kids. So what do I do? Do I email him back and tell him we are done talking and initiate NC again? Or do I just leave it as is....and keep the No Contact going as I have been since he called? I suppose I was trying to find closure...but after much research and reading, I know that with him, there will never be closure. I just need some advice on how to proceed from here...thank you guys sooooo much!
  14. So here's the deal, I'll try to be brief: About 7 months ago, I hooked up this guy I work with. He broke off a 2-year relationship which he had apparently (I only know this from gossip) been and moaning about for a while, and we started seeing eachother. That lasted a month, and then he said he needed time to himself, to figure some things out. I left him alone, assuming he would let me know when he "figured things out". Anyhow, he got back together with his girlfriend. I didn't find out from him, but from things like picking up her calls at work and him bringing her to the store while I was there. I started giving him the cold shoulder at work mainly because being around him just upset me. The problem is, minus the baggage, we get along great. We have tons in common, the same sense of humor, similar movie/tv/music tastes. We never run out of things to talk about. Even when I was all cold to him after we ended it, it was hard not to talk like old friends on our shifts. Fortunately, things are pretty much back to the way they were before we hooked up. He's a great friend. But we never once talked about what happened. I was so heartbroken before, and now I'm letting him off without so much as an apology. There's all these questions and things I need to say to him, but at the same time, I don't know if I want to risk opening that can of worms and making things weird again. But really, I just want to move on, have closure, and forget about all the bad things that happened between us. Any advice would be much appreciated, thanks.
  15. My boyfriend and I broke up- I have started 2 new threads on this as I still am reeling over him leaving. My question is to the men out there. On our final talk, which I needed for closure he told me that we were over done for good, he wanted to sleep w/ other people, date other people and that although he saw a future w/ us it would not happen for a couple of years (he is younger and I was his first girlfriend and lover) he told me he just wanted to be friends and that we could date but i had to know that he was also going to date other people and that he was going on dates and had hooked up w/ girls already that he was "free". This is the same man that I lived w/, went out w/ for a year and half, that told me that I was his "dream come true, his goddess" that his life started when we met...He showed me all the girls that he has on his myspace page that are interested in him etc. Well, I was hurt and at the end I told him, "call me if you ever miss me or want to date me" he said "I'll always be there for you but don't wait for that call" was he trying to hurt me? I initiated the break and the break-up and when I had second doubts he stood his ground and said he needed time and space and freedom (our relationship was pretty intense) I needed the break too, but expected we were going to part w/ an understanding that we would re-unite eventually and keep in touch minimally. So I was floored, I started no contact (4 days now) and now I am wondering whether he said those things to hurt me or just to tell me the truth. Two weeks ago I was his dream come true, now when I had asked him if he missed me he said "no". Either way I am moving on, I need to for my mental well-being and really have no hopes he will call again. I guess my question is was he trying to hurt me or just tell me the truth and didn't care if he hurt me? I guess my pride is at stake
  16. How do you move forward when there is no closure?
  17. I love my bf. A lot. I'd do anything for him and he's someone extremely important in my life. But I think I ed up. So long story short I used to date a guy and well to be honest I did really like him and we did have good times together. But it didn't work out but we just never had closure, we just stopped talking. Also important detail: he found someone else and so did I. He looks happy with his relationship and I'm very happy with mine. Anyways, he owes me money tho so he sends me monthly payments on the money he owes me. So this week he texted me quick about the money and we were just being super bland with each other and suddenly he told me that he stills thinks about me and that I've made such an impact in his life and that he's thankful for it. So I replied with saying that I care about him and that he's going to be someone special to me. So with that I felt that was the closure I needed. I don't plan on talking to him that way again, only about payments. Well anyways, today I left my phone in my car and asked my bf if he can get it. So he took a while and I went down to check he quickly said that he felt dizzy. From there he started acting strange and just went to bed. I know he's mad. He's never acted this way. I'm sure he saw the texts so I'm just scared he's gonna break up with me
  18. I have written on here before about me and my ex. We were together for 4 years and both 33 and 34. We broke up at Easter after a row. Months of towing and frowing and I found lies unrevalled in it. But I'm so hurt. I'm struggling everyday to eat, sleep have panic attacks and been sick. He's made me feel so worthless and useless that I've even left home and not told any family or friends where I am. He's made accusations and assumptions at me the lot. None of which are true. But I can't help it love him and I go to sleep crying and wake up crying. I've been to the doctor, nurse, counciling the lot. I need to still give him his stuff back and sort our old house bills out. I've tried to be civil and amicable about it for both our sakes. But he just refuses to see me totally and won't give me the time of day at all 😢 After four years I have no closure no nothing. I need to get this stuff to him and don't know where he now lives. I messaged his friend who I've been in contact whose said alsorts me. When we first broke up they said he'd been so happy with me happiest they've ever seen him but the rift between his family and I got in the way. He's also started a new career. Later down the line they'd told me he was moving on and that to give him some space but let it all out about his family and the issues. Which he denied. He just continued to pick holes out of me. Today I said I needed to give him the stuff and sort the bills. And is there anyway I can get it to him. They sent me quite a horrible message saying he's moved on, doesn't ever want to see me, I need to get help and so on. I just don't don't it and I've cried all night 😢 Such a horrible message to me knowing I've lost so much my ex, my nana, my friend to suicide, house nearly my job. I've been trying to get help to cope but I have no closure. All night I've cried and just the thought that's he's moved on most likely with someone else after 4 years of being together and living together and I've only seen him briefly twice since the BC and not even talked about what's gone on. 6 months later he's already moved on properly with someone else when we planned our lives together 😢 I don't even know what I did wrong in the relationship bar the rift with his family 😢 No talking about it, lol closure no nothing no chances just nothing. Then for his friend to say that to me 😢 I can't sleep yet I'm so tired, my health has plummeted. Nothing drastic ever happened like cheating etc. I know I have to accept it's over and try move on but I can't even think of being with someone else. I feel so utterly lost and have thought of very dark things because i just don't want to be here anymore 😞
  19. This is my first time posting on a forum like this, so thanks in advance for listening lol The Coles Notes version: I recently was contacted by an ex boyfriend, which wasn't unusual because he pops up a few times a year (since we broke up 3ish years ago). We chatted cordially for a few weeks until he disappeared. Shortly after, I received a collections letter for an outstanding cell phone bill of his. We broke up because of his inability to pay the bill on time back then. I was devastated that he seemed to have no regard for my credit or our future by not being able to pay a simple $44 a month on time ( I had to consign his account). Fast forward a few years, he must have been making minimum payments because this is the first I've heard of this debt still being active. He ghosted when I sent him a copy of the letter and I ended up tracking him down to confront him face to face.... twice. Both times he told me he would pay it blah blah blah and as of today he continues to dodge me via phone, text and Facebook etc. I really would like to discuss this with him, as I also learned he recently had a baby with someone, and feel a little awkward asking for over $500 from him when he's got a little mouth to feed (if in fact he's contributing). I want to discuss that I will take payments from him if necessary and am also a little curious as to why he kept popping up every year when he had to know this would surface eventually??? I really loved him and to this day am so disappointed that it turned out this way. Do I just let it go??? I'd like the chance to at least air our dirty laundry? Oops I guess this was the long version of Coles Notes lol Ps. I already paid the bill, as I won't have his mistakes compromising my credit any further. Thanks
  20. So I’m 16 and i asked a girl out, she said she has had a crush on me for years and would def. say yes but she was talking to some1 and it wouldn’t be fair. I can’t stop thinking about here and i just want closure. Is there a way to ask w/o sounding pushy how things are going?
  21. Hi, I’ve been dealing with my breakup that happened about 2 months ago. In the beginning it was bad. Time did help a lot however. There was a point where I became confident and started working on myself. I’ve realized that maybe part of the confidence was due to knowing or feeling my ex would contact me.During the first week I’d reached out to her and asked for a “closure” talk. She agreed but at a later time. During that period I’d reached out multiple times in 1 week spans. She replied but when asked to meet she would always say “no”. Eventually I realized that it was pointless an not worth chasing after someone who didn’t want me in their life. I didn’t reach out and eventually after 2 weeks she called multiple times and texted stating she was ready for our “closure” talk. During this period I was feeling good and was actually thrown off about the “closure” talk. I personally didn’t think that would help me and I texted her stating we didn’t need to meetup. It’s been about 3 weeks since we last talked and now all of a sudden I’m getting more memories of her than I’ve had prior. I’m doing my best to keep moving but the fact that she’s moving out of state in less than a month is killing me now. I guess before I knew that she was gonna be around even if we didn’t get back together. Now that she’s close to leaving I’m feeling a little anxious, despite us not being together. I’d appreciate someone’s perspective on how to keep going.
  22. I was with someone (officially) for about 5 weeks until about 3 weeks ago, at which point I received a text to say that she had worked out that she wasn't ready to move on from her ex (who dumped her around November last year) and for some reason, I'm finding it hard to just move on. It's very strange as I knew the end was probably coming - she was clearly struggling and was uncomfortable for reasons we never discussed - and at the point I received her text had planned to ask her to meet me to discuss "where we were", fully expecting things to end. We exchanged a few more texts and she was very apologetic about what she called wasting my time and our last exchange was basically an exchange of thank yous for our time together, but for whatever reason I'm finding it hard just to park the matter and move on... I was pretty unhappy about being dropped by text - but these things happen and after the end of such a short relationship, I really ought to have boxed it all off in my mind by now - but I seem to be struggling to do so... I wonder if I'm just being plain daft - but also wonder if anyone else has experienced feeling like this...?
  23. I guess I should rephrase the title here. He is basically my ex boyfriend because I broke up with him. Summary: We met online and I didn't want to go on our first date because he travels so much for work and had only been out of a 9 year relationship for 5 months. He convinced me and said he was in a good place and ready. Within minutes of our date I knew I'd end up falling in love with him in due time. Through the course of our relationship I found out his ex of 9 years NEVER spent a single holiday/fam gathering with him. Barely knew his friends. Met his mom and sister twice. Was very cold and reserved... in the five months we dated I went to holidays, met his mom several times. Met all of his best friends who loved me. Went on 4 trips, alone and with his friends. I immersed myself in his world and him in mine. I included his family in everything. I come to find out him and his ex were still speaking. I addressed this to him and one day shortly before meeting our families because that to me was CRITICAL ..I said "if she ever wanted to get back with you -- would you?" he replied "absolutely not that would never work"...I said ok. I had to trust my boyfriend right? Fast fwd. to 2 weeks ago. He tells me he cannot tell me he loves me and that he doesn't know what he wants. That hes never dealt with the death of his dad and his job is brutal..I was so empathetic. It broke my heart and I ended things bc how could I be with someone who didn't love me? I bought a flight back home and he begged me to stay. I said no, I've to go for a few days and be around family... when I came back he asked to see me. Only to tell me he couldn't love me again and needed to figure out his life. I was so confused but heartbroken again I let him go. Except the following morning I wrote him a beautiful email to keep with him so he could know he would be ok and regardless of US, I wanted him to be a better man for all of this because I do love him. However, I never sent the email because I thought perhaps it would be too much too soon and wanted to give him some time to breathe... Fast fwd to this past Saturday where he asked to see me and I said ok and then I mentioned maybe this coming weekend. He replies he is going back to where he lived with his ex to see friends. I knew immediately that was a lie. After being strong in my conviction he finally admitted he was going to see her and I lost it. All the empathy, the love, the mercy -- it was all gone. I removed him from everything in my life and told him I was not second best to anyone. That I'd loved him harder than anyone and treasured his world and people like my own. I felt USED, LIED TO and absolutely humiliated. I said to him "as a parting gift, here is an email I wrote you.. you can read this every time you realize what you threw away"... he immediately read it and contacted me saying it made him cry and he finally said it. He said "I love you and I know I am going to regret this for the rest of my life but I have to get closure with her. I need to see her and feel that i love you the way I do now and miss you the way I do now so I can let it all go once and for all" I do not understand this logic. If you know you love me and you know you are going to regret this why? Someone please help me comprehend this bc if it is comprehensible I'm open. I dont want anger to blindside me but I also don't want to be a doormat. I ignored him for several days and yesterday I saw he kept looking at all my social media and was doing little things to reach out in a way. I wound up drunk after a superbowl party where everyone gave me the "omg im so sorry" bulls--t and when I got to my building the gate was frozen shut. I could not enter the code and I know he had my clicker so I in desperation called him. It was snowing, it was brutal and I had been drinking... never a good combo. While I'm on the phone with him about to ask for help i managed to hit the buttons hard enough they unlocked and after maybe 10 seconds of talking I hung up. He texted me immediately saying that he missed me and had been dying to hear from me these last few days. I snapped and said "how dare you have the audacity to tell me you miss me when you're off to see your ex to figure out if you DO miss me"... again he said "I have to do this for closure. I have to do this to really know.. and I'm banking I'll miss you and realize I F'd it all up, but I have to do this and I am so sorry I am putting you through this.. I hope you will find it in you to forgive me and trust me again one day..I read your email 5 times. I love you"... I said "go on your date with your ex , you're insane if you think I'll ever recover from that" He kept apologizing. Telling me how he wished he was with me at that time and how much I meant to him and that he was damned if he did and damned if he didn't.. Also he asked if he could see me before he leaves to go see her... I don't know all of this has been just such an emotional mind f----.. can someone please give me some perspective? play devils advocate ? I am so confused and it's making me so depressed bc I just want to know if I should just be done and remove him from my life entirely (block number, etc) Any feedback would mean the world.....
  24. I’ve cut down contact with my ex a lot, I still contact him for work, not idle chit chat, I don’t share my triumphs with him even when he’s the one person in the world who’d really understand the significance. I know I need to start telling myself a different story, he fell out of love, it ended, that was the right thing to happen. But I am bad at this. And although I’ve grown out of sight emotionally over the last two years, and met awesome friends I wouldn’t even know if he’d hung around phoning it in, I still get stuck on this. He told me he didn’t have enough time in his life for a partner. 6 months later, he makes a move of pure convenience into his cuddle buddy’s house. And so, inevitably, they got more serious, grew together, are now in fact sharing a life together. This isn’t just something I never had with him, it’s something I’ve never had with any partner. I didn’t want to be alone, he did. I’m still alone, he is partnered. It feels profoundly unfair. So the contact has gone lower and lower over time, for me, because interaction with him brings me only pain, he who has everything I want (at least on the outside). Lately he’s been sharing non work trials and tribulations with me. And I’ve progressed enough to pause and think ‘why don’t you show your girlfriend this’ but then I engage again because it makes work life viable. And sometimes he sends photos of things he’s working on, at home, in the house he shares with his girlfriend, who isn’t me. And then I don’t feel very good. And my friend says if you’re going to tell yourself stories make sure there are dragons so I imagine Trogdor burning down their house. But it’s not idea. Today I did good and used my words to say no more photos of your home please they make me feel bad. And he did good and apologised. And then I did bad and reiterated that their entire relationship hurts me. Which is does. But that’s so 1000% not his problem and stopped being his problem the day he dumped me. And my head Knows this. But my heart still hurts and I want him to hurt too or at least feel bad and even more than that I want to be free of this more than anything, I feel stuck and crazy. I’m going to book an apt with the psych when I get back from working interstate in 3 weeks (or maybe I should do that now because the wait will be long). But that doesn’t help me get unhooked right now. I tell him that his relationship hurts me in the context of him saying he couldn’t be with anyone as his reason for bailing. But should that lie of a reason that was surely just I’m not feeling it coated in sugar have this much of a negative effect on my ability to let go and move on? Would it really have been easier if he said I don’t love You. Why can’t I read between the lines and accept that?
  25. I met a guy online i actually think he is funny and handsome and then i was being flirty around and i joke around on saying "I'm yours only" and he replied by saying " Thank you for being mine baby girl" and i never thought it would lead to constant communication. We do snap and kik always. and had a few skype sessions. I even told him to not talking something sexual for 2 weeks or a month to know if he is really serious and not wanting to get into my pants which he agreed but we failed we end up exchanging dirty photos and short clips. i tried to make the relationship work by asking him questions and stuff even told him to skype date every sunday and such but everything changed when he flew to Las Vegas. He told me to text me in the morning but didnt so i end up googling his name online and found out he lied about his middle name. fathers name and sisters name and course in college so when he told me he arrived in vegas i was hesitant to answer cuz i was pissed. I didnt tell him about it and acted like nothing is bothering me and days passed our communication starts to fade. he seen my messaged on kik but no reply but i was on snap seen his score go up. and after hours he sent me a snap which kinda offended me. cuz before he flew to LV he was sick we were on skype i told him to get this and that to make him feel better which he obeyed. i just wanna know how he was and he sent me that. I knew someone stole him away from me and he choosed that girl. it still hurts. it happened like June 23th he contacted me like July 7th just to comment on my sexy picture on my story his replies are not the same it feels like nothing and when i try to converse its a plain text no emojis and i know something has changed and felt strange. I cant confront him and text him like what the hell? cuz i feel like he will just seenzone my message but i know a girl who is friends with him he deleted him on snapchat and i'm still his friend he has been watching my stories ever since we stopped talking. idk it sucks i still cant move on obviously he is i seen him post something like "Guide to a successful relationship" Talk about common interest, stop talking about exes and stop talking about the past in general. so pretty sure he found someone and didnt work cuz he keeps talking about me maybe? haha idk please answer me Should i message him? i cant have peace of mind i want closure i mean if he doesnt like me in a romantic way why he doesnt care about my feelings on getting closure at least be friends i will appericate feedback please. Im dying insideeeee so depressed
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