Jump to content

Honey Pumpkin

Platinum Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    2,688

  • Joined

  • Days Won

    3

 Content Type 

Everything posted by Honey Pumpkin

  1. Honey Pumpkin
    You're 19, and this is hard I can see that. I know you're not going to like our advice, and I wish I could say something nice, like 'It will all be okay'. Maybe it will - but I think there is a danger that your boyfriend is going to cling to you so that he doesn't have to face this alone. How did you feel about him cheating? Why did he cheat? Was it something that was completelyout of the blue? I suppose I am seeing red flags - either he had a casual pick up and unprotected sex (bad for you), or he had a relationship with her (and still unprotected sex). Sweetheart, I personally would not be able to deal with this. That said - if you forgave him for his infidelity, maybe the two of you can owrk through this. It's a big responsibility, and you know what? I am worried that you stand to be the person the most hurt by all this, whether it's when the baby is born or a few years down the line. Maybe that's why we are all saying 'leave him'. If you decide to stick it out, you've got a lot of horrible emotions to go through - but then, you will if you decide to leave as well. No easy answer; I think you should take a break for the weekend, and try to think about what you want. Take care - I'm sorry, though - what a horrible situation.
  2. Honey Pumpkin
    Nope, scars wouldn't bother me at all. I would be interested, they are like a map of your life experience. I actually like kissing my lover's scars - like kissing it better, and reassuring myself that he is all right. Silly really. But no, scars aren't repellent at all to me.
  3. Honey Pumpkin
    I don't know, just a quick point - I am very protective of my Saturday afternoons, because I work full time; it is the only time I get to run errands, shop, all the things that I HAVE to do. I don't like it, but I do find it the only time I get. Does your girlfriend work full time? What about Sunday afternoons, can you spend those together instead? Maybe you should also talk to her about how you are feeling - something similar happened to me recently, and I plucked up the courage to finally say something. The bloke I'm seeing was absolutely horrified and upset that I was upset, so it felt really good to have said out loud something I was thinking. Which didn't turn out to be the case AT ALL! So maybe it's lilke that with you, in which case you should say something in a calm way, rather than live with your fears. Good luck!
  4. Honey Pumpkin
    I knew that would offend you - I'm sorry, although I must say I don't think it's a negative thing to be gay. I don't think it's 'very shallow' to ask that question either. I have some friends who forced themselves to live a straight lifestyle until they were in their forties, and then came out. I think it was/is a valid question, to be honest. And it's something I would have asked a woman too - sexuality is a complex beastie, and it's no good shirking away from the obvious questions - especially on an advice board! I thought it might be that you were asexual (I heard about it on the radio a while back) - the definition is this: "Asexuality is a general term or self-designation for people who lack sexual attraction or otherwise find sexual behavior unappealing. There is debate as to whether this is a sexual dysfunction or a sexual orientation. Furthermore, there is disagreement over the exact definition of the word. The term is sometimes used as a gender identity by those who believe their lack of sexual attraction places them outside the traditional definitions of gender. There has been little research done on asexuality, but those studies that have been conducted suggest that, if it is a sexual orientation, it is among the least common." But you are adamant that you are attracted to women, and you do enjoy fantasies and foreplay, it's intercourse that doesn't work for you. I still would say you should see a psycho sexual counsellor, because you don't seem to want to be celibate, exactly, nor are you asexual. They would be able to talk through the physiological aspects and the psychological aspects, and help you work through these issues, and if it is a problem or not. It IS a problem if you're not happy - and you don't sound happy... Good luck
  5. Honey Pumpkin
    Are you happy like this? I had a few thoughts when I read your post, and I honestly don't mean to offend you: i). There is nothing wrong with having a low sex drive - so long as you're happy with it. However, for many, they want a partner, children, and a relationship. Are you happy being celibate for the foreseeable future? ii). Do you think you might be gay? That was the first thought that struck me - girls don't really do it for you; have you thought about guys? I have heard something similar you see from men who came out in their thirties. iii). The girl you had a sexual relationship with - she sounds SCARY to me, to be honest; the promiscuity, the troubled background etc. Not necessarily someone you might feel comfortable with sexually. Maybe that's kind of put you off? iv). I would suggest that before you write off sex forever, you make an appointment with a psycho-sexual therapist - I work with one, and I think you would benefit talking with a professional. I can get you references if you PM me, although I'm based in the UK. My personal view is that I am NOT judging you for not being interested in sex, but I would suggest that you explore these issues with a professional so you can decide in your own mind if you are comfortable being asexual, or if there are other issues that you want to address. Let me know if you want me to dig out some references - good luck!
  6. Honey Pumpkin
    I'm with Dako - anyone who is that demanding about who you're friends with or who you go out with, it's not good news. Don't let other people dictate to you how you should live your life, and who you should associate with. You are thoughtful and sensitive, but you know your own mind - be firm! Take care
  7. Honey Pumpkin
    Got to be honest, worrying about how to end it should NOT be a deciding factor! You can let him down gently: "I don't think this is working out". If it's not that serious, then I would end it sooner rather than later, and go for it with Ryan. IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT! Imagine two years down the line having to end it because you wanted to see if it would work with Ryan? Now that would be cruel. I think you should go for it - because (to be honest!) I think you will go for it with Ryan sooner or later. Might as well be sooner. But this is just my opinion, I don't know the circumstances or background, it's just my instinctive reaction. And I think you are being honourable thinking this through, but it sounds to me like you know which way you want to go with this...
  8. Honey Pumpkin
    Woo hoo! We may make milk bottles look tanned, but by god we have youthful skin, lol! Seriously, though, it's amazing to see the difference in my skin (never had sun exposure) and my friends who have sunbathed, and we're only in our mid-thirties. It's amazing the difference no sun exposure makes. Fake tanning is absolutely the way to go - that's just my opinion though, and as I am very photosensitive (get a rash in daylight!) maybe I'm just trying to convince myself, lol.
  9. Honey Pumpkin
  10. Honey Pumpkin
    I think dads sometimes say the wrong thing because they care so much about you - I know it sounds like he's being horrible, but maybe he's trying to talk to you and getting it completely wrong? And dads are often very suspicious and beady-eyed about boyfriends. Have you spoken to him about this? Is there a reason why he doesn't trust your boyfriend, perhaps, maybe something in the past? I agree, it sounds incredibly irritating, but maybe it's because he cares so much. Try talking to him about it, saying that he is undermining you when he talks like that, and casting doubt on your relationship. Talk to him as an adult, and see what he has to say - I still revert to being a teenager around my parents! Good luck with this.
  11. Honey Pumpkin
    L'oreal sublime works an absolute treat on me - but I'm just trying to get rid of the total whiteness! I've never ever sunbathed (because of a sun allergy), and I have to say that using total sunblock etc for 20 years does mean that I look a LOT younger than my age. Hah! Tanning is incredibly aging, and it doesn't show up until you're in your 40s plus... (sometimes the beauty risk is more powerful than the health risk!)
  12. Honey Pumpkin
    Long story - and to me this is a key question: How long have you been with new guy? Because I thought it had been a long time, but if you guys have just got together, then I would suggest that you give it a go with Ryan. I think that you might or might not make a go of it, that's too hard to tell - there is a lot of history and a lot of baggage. But I think you should see if you can work it out. However, if you decide not to, then I think you have to cut Ryan out of your life - it's not fair on your new boyfriend, it's not fair on Ryan, it's not fair on you. None of you can move forwards - it's more than friendship, you have to be honest about that. I also think that you should make a decision first, and then act. i.e. if you want to be with Ryan, I think you should end it with your boyfriend, rather than trying to juggle them both, even for a short period. I'm not saying you would do this, of course, I'm just thinking aloud. I suppose a long think about what YOU want to do is in order, because only you can know. But then I think whatever you decide, you should stick to, and follow whole heartedly. Good luck with this decision - it sounds awfully tough! Personally, I have to say I would give it a short with Ryan....
  13. Honey Pumpkin
    I don't think he's a friend, to be honest. Unless you are incredibly close? But that just sounds a bit like a predator. I mean, that would NOT make me feel good about myself. It would feel - to me - as though he thought I were the person most likely to agree to shag him on this basis. Unless you have a very open and frank relationship. Not quite sure what you would get out of your best friend hitting on you but telling you that it's not because they are attracted to you. How odd - and how disrespectful given that you are in a happy relationship too. Have you talked about it since with him?
  14. Honey Pumpkin
    I read a lot here about online dating etc, but for me, every serious relationship I've ever had has been through friends of friends, or work, or *some* kind of link. Maybe it's me, but I would never pick someone up cold like that - I would be worried that they were a serial killer, lol! I feel safer knowing there is a loose connection to them - and I think a lot of women in the UK feel a bit like me. So my advice would be go out as much as possible, don't turn anything down - because you might not like them, but they may have fabulous friends! Join societies and clubs that you like the sound of, sports etc. I don't know, something that is about more than a casual pick up. I like film classes myself.... Good luck!
  15. Honey Pumpkin
    I find this a very long, detailed and analytical post - very well written and clear, and shows a lot of insight. I feel a bit like I shouldn't answer it, because I don't have the time to craft a beautiful response that would do it justice! My first instinct is what I'm sticking with - I think you and Daniel should pack it in, give it up as a bad job, and maybe look to move forward separately. I don't think this dating is healthy, as it doesn't resolve previous conflicts, it just pushes them away. Which stops you moving forward -do you thinkt he reason that you reluctant to end it totally is because of your abandonment issues with your mother? Just a thought. I am from a very poor background too - and I can understand where you are coming from. BUT, I don't know, judging someone for being different, that's no good either. But I can understand how you felt. Sorry, this wasn't very well written - but my advice would be to move on and let go. I don't think this relationship is the answer for you, I think you should embrace it as one that was gorgeous and lovely, but not for the long-term. Set yourself free, and Daniel too.
  16. Honey Pumpkin
    I think you need to shift your approach around, Goblin, and talk to her exactly like you're talking to us. Instead of saying 'this is right/wrong, you're doing this, etc', say "This is how I feel about it..." and speak in the same order that you've written. Especially focusing on the going clubbing etc - ask her how she would feel if your situations were reversed, would she see it as harmless fun, or would there be red flags. I suppose I'm saying is to talk to her to work out the way forward together, agreement rather than confrontation. Good luck!
  17. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi there, Beec did a great post, and I agree with him! There are huge red flags for me in your post, and I hate to see you blame yourself for your boyfriend's behaviour. He HAS to take responsibility for himself, not blame you for it. Yikes - just this one paragraph: huge red flags. I don't want to sound overly critical, but you sound like you're on the first cycle of domestic abuse, where one partner tries to modify their behaviour so as not to antagonise the other. You shouldn't have to be like this at 20 with your boyfriend!! You might want to look at this site, Megspet, which might give you more food for thought: link removed On a more general note, this is quite a good site on relationships: link removed Good luck, you have to realise that you are not in the wrong, and that I agree counselling would be good, but not to change yourself, rather to get the confidence to see that you are not being treated well. Keep posting - good luck!
  18. Honey Pumpkin
    This is probably why I would be wary, to be honest - that's really hurtful. When was that? However, ask him out if you want to find out for sure - at least you won't be in limbo any longer! Good luck.
  19. Honey Pumpkin
    I often find that people who say they are 'outspoken' are just downright rude. It's almost like an excuse for saying horrible things to people - "You're fat aren't you? Should lose weight. Stop crying - I'm just outspoken". Maybe that's a British thing though.
  20. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi there! What does that mean in reality though? Do you mean sexually innocent, or are you talking about a general outlook in life, sort of being a bit naive and optimistic? Maybe the guys you are with sense that you are not into games etc, but want a proper long-term relationship, and steer clear of commitment? Which is good for you, actually - stops you getting hurt! I don't know, I think there is someone gorgeous around the corner for you, and you'll be glad not to be entangled with a player, but can fall for him head over heels. Interesting to think about what you mean by innocent, though, and whether this is YOUR interpretation, or if it's something you've been told. Another thought - what sort of blokes are you going for? Are you going for the bad boy type? It just seems that someone like you is exactly what most of the young single men on Enotalone are desperate to meet!
  21. Honey Pumpkin
    Hmmm - normally on posts like these, I tend to go down the route that everyone should have friends of the opposite sex etc. However, that said I would say that he does seem to be moving in on her - it was the invitation to go clubbing that does it! How is your relationship with your girlfriend? Do you feel confident that she's in it for the long haul with you? It sounds as though she might be wavering - do you think she has a bit of a crush on this other guy? I know how difficult it is, because she might just perceive that you're being jealous. You know what? I think you should talk to her frankly and openly just like you've done here - sit down and say more or less this, and ask her what she thinks about it all, can she see your point of view. Do it calmly and without getting worked up though, to avoid any comments that 'you're just jealous'. But yes, do talk to her about it. I think he is moving in on her, I must say.
  22. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi Yvette, I've been taking Evening Primrose Oil for years - no ill effects whatsoever! I don't take the super strength ones, just a 500mg once a day. It helps with mood swings, and also you get great nails as well (I do anyway!). I had a quick look on google, there are no apparent side effects to it - I know loads of women who take it! I also take zinc and vitamin b for pms and mood swings - that seems to help. The biggest thing for me though is cutting right back on caffeine, and getting enough sleep and exercise etc. Irritating but true! Cheers.
  23. Honey Pumpkin
    Don't play games and wait too long - if you're a woman, you KNOW that they are listening to some advice site, and it drives me mad! Call sooner rather than later - weeknight is good for a first date. But a week - nah, forget it. That's far far too long - I'll have forgotten what you looked like, if I fancied you etc. Good luck!
  24. Honey Pumpkin
    Just read this through, and I am going to be blunt: and She is NOT a great girl. She's horrible. What a nasty thing to say to someone, especially someone you love! I think you are looking at her through the eyes of a young man, which is nice, but those are not the actions of someone you want to spend your life with. He had better hope that he never suffers ill health or any setback, because his wife, she's gonna be outta there! I know I sound harsh, but I have to say that she does not sound like a catch. She doesn't sound like someone who would stand by her partner through thick and thin - I would take loyalty and commitment above any level of external success; I think you're a lucky man, and too good for her to be honest. What I am concerned about is that she has whacked your self-esteem for six, and that you are judging success by her spite. What does it mean TO YOU to be successful? How do you want your life to be? What do you want? Judge it for yourself - live your life for yourself, not for some shallow ex-girlfriend. You sound really thoughtful and self-analytical, able to evaluate your situation. Maybe it's this idea of what you want to do that you should be exploring instead? Anyway, take good care!
  25. Honey Pumpkin
    I don't like direct stimulation or too much stimulation of my clitoris, it can get painful/numb. Had a quick look at a website for the 'official' take on how to make a woman orgasm... Although females vary, many women need the following if they're going to reach a climax: romantic atmosphere pleasant, comfortable surroundings a partner who they really like a feeling of being wanted and appreciated a good flow of natural lubrication - so that the delicate female parts don't get sore a skilled partner whoknows how to stimulate the clitoris. and then further advice still (which sounds about right to me!) In summary, here's what to do if you want to bring your partner to orgasm regularly: don't be in a rush. don't be too demanding - it's not an Olympic event. talk to your partner, and ask her what she wants you to do to her. always create a romantic atmosphere. make sure that everything is comfortable and nice for her. give her lots of kisses and cuddles before you even think about making any approach to her sexual area. when you do start to stroke, rub or kiss her genitals, don't rush into 'attacking' her clitoris. Take things gently, and see what she wants. use her own natural lubrication to moisten her clitoris - good idea to use lube as well. remember that stimulation of the clitoris is the key to female orgasm. sometimes encourage her to run your sex sessions. You can learn a lot by watching how she stimulates herself or by really listening to her when she suggests a sex position, or a particular caress. I think the fact that you are a caring partner and are really interested in her and her wellbeing bodes well for your future together! Good luck.
×
×
  • Create New...