I don't know if I'm posting in the right area or what... agh.
Hopefully someone can make some sense out of my situation as this post might be a bit jumbled up.
First of all, I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend is 19. We've been together for three years. He works under the supervision of his brother at his current job and hates every minute of it. He also has been quite concerned about his work-related future and supporting a family. I helped him register and pay for college classes, though I should've known better from his history that it wouldn't last long. He dropped out of High School and got a GED... This week he quit college because he wants to join the Army.
He has mentioned joining the military in the past, but I always convinced him out of it one way or another. This time I decided it would be good for him and that I shouldn't try to boss him around... I've been trying to be 100% Supportive! But it is VERY hard for me to do (because I can't imagine living without him for months at a time and I don't want him to change into some hardcore army man) and I TOTALLY SCREWED IT UP today. I feel awful.
We met at a restaurant and everything was going fine... until he showed me his hand. His knuckles were scabbed up because he punched a wall or something at work after his brother got in his face and yelled at him for something that wasn't his fault.
I made the idiotic mistake of saying "Are you sure you'll be okay in the Army? People will yell in your face all the time."
and he said his brother is a moron, the officers in the Army would have more credibility. Then he started ranting about his current job and how glad he will be when he gets into the Army.
I mentioned something about how the Army would be good for him and I went into how it might help him control his temper (he tends to throw and break things when he's mad, though denies it.)
and he said that he was going to quit his current job without any notice
I told him he shouldn't burn his bridges because he might not get into the army.
and that's when he snapped at me.
I try to stay on the submissive side so I was quiet for the remainder of the meal where he mostly reprimanded me for being naggy. "Naggy" is a term he uses to describe me a lot lately and it's very upsetting even though I've told him countless times that I'd rather he didn't use that word.
I always get the impression that I'll be known as the notorious "Naggy wife" type.
So anyway,
I tried my best to keep calm but when we got into the parking lot he said he was going home unless I planned on behaving and being nice. I tried really hard not to cry around him, but when I hugged him he noticed I was trembling trying to keep it under control... He said something about it and that about did me in and I started to cry. Lately when I cry he runs, and so, yeah. He left. Geez, I sound like a little kid.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I called him later and he said that I've gotten to the point where I epitomize the emotional female stereotype...(and that he thought I was different... that I was really laid back in the beginning, but now all I do is worry.) I don't know what to say, really.
I do think I've gotten more stressed out since I first met him, but I'm doing a lot and I realllly am Trying very hard to be cooperative. I try to avoid using the word "you" around him (accusational) and I don't call him names... I can't take name calling very well for some reason, it just sounds so sharp when he says something like that.
If anyone had some advice to turn me into a not so much of a cry baby, let me in on it.
I also think I'm going through what's called the Quarter-Life Crisis (I thought my boyfriend coined the term, but then I googled it.)... kind of a new concept I hear. What it basically consists of for me is worrying about competition of jobs once I graduate from college, I keep counting the years I have "left to live" (assume 80 total) and thinking I should be doing much more, Lots of Regret, I feel like everything is speeding up and I should be getting married and having kids... Recently I found out I have HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE...at my age!! (how?!??!), I worry about my intended major in Computer Science, my aging parents... I don't know. Just everything!
Oh and to top things off, (I don't remember what brought this up)
My aunt asked me if he and I were getting serious and I said "I Guess"
So he thinks I "Shot him down"... he planned to propose in April, supposedly.
Yep... feeling pretty bad right now. I think I just totally screwed everything up.
Something tells me that saying "Sorry" just isn't going to cover up my mess.
I guess I don't have any direct questions, but if someone has some insight that would be wonderful. Should I go to counseling or something (he recommended)? I feel so pitiful.
