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Honey Pumpkin

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Everything posted by Honey Pumpkin

  1. Honey Pumpkin
    I don't say good bye either (to people who are going away). I hate that feeling - I usually say 'see you soon' or something else. I know what you mean.
  2. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi there, I'm sorry, you're in pain and it's not easy. But to be honest, I think you have to take a deep breath and step back. Read through what you've written: He may or may not be over-reacting (I don't think he is, to be honest), but you have to realise that being so needy is not going to win him back. It's just going to drive him further away, and make him realise that he doesn't want to be with you ever again. You MUST take a step back. You have to focus on yourself, and think about healing from this, and probably having no contact with him is the best way to go. You may find that you can meet him rationally, but at the moment I think you're driving him further away. No one has ever been argued into going back with someone - they feel what they feel, regardless of how it seems to you. If you take time out for you, and work on yourself, and not him, then it migth be that he sees the new person. I don't know - I think NC isn't about getting someone back, and I think nothing will make someone come back to you. But you can try to get over this neediness and dependency, and see how fabulous you are and try to think of new things to do. Sorry not to be more upbeat, but give your ex space, and don't try to convince him to get back with you. Good luck!
  3. Honey Pumpkin
    I try to eat oily fish a couple of times a week - whenever I take cod liver oil/oil capsules, I get the most horrendous spots on my chin within days. Plus - this is gross - I hate the fishy burps that you get with the tablets.... Ah, you can't say I don't share here!
  4. Honey Pumpkin
    Why don't you delete him on MSN so you can't see when he's on, but don't block him? That way you're not checking if he's around, but also he can get in touch if he wants. And forget about him - he'll get in touch if he wants to, or not. And you won't be waiting for him. Good luck!
  5. Honey Pumpkin
    That's really tough, but if he broke up with you, then I don't really see what you can do. He has friends, who have noticed that he's not around and that he's in trouble, so hopefully they will keep an eye on him. Sorry you're having a tough time - I hope things work out for you guys.
  6. Honey Pumpkin
    You need to be upfront with him - people HATE getting misleading photos. I'm sure it won't make too much difference, but send him a flattering but full length shot of you as you are right now. Then if he doesn't like what he sees, it's better to know now rather than see his face fall when he sees you on the date - because you don't look like your photo. Sorry, don't want to sound harsh, but just be matter of fact about your size - sending a good full length recent photo will let you get the point accross without having to say anything. It's his loss if it's a problem, but I have read here that people don't like photos that aren't current. As for weight itself, I think that there are some men who hate fat women, but equally there are guys who adore big women, and some who don't mind either way. But you sending an old photo of yourself does seem to indicate that it does bother you? As for keeping conversation going, read the papers that day, watch the news, catch a bit of celeb gossip, and chatter on. Keep it light and fun - not too deep and all your past lobbed on the table. Hope you have a fabulous date - let us know how it goes!
  7. Honey Pumpkin
    Oh my god. I don't know which of them is the worst - the vile 'good friend' who would talk about her friend like that. Ewww. Karma is definitely going to bite her on the (probably boil-ridden) bum. Hopefully quite soon. Definitely jealousy - did she want him for herself? That's such a weirdly horrible thing to do. Poor you. And how gutless is he? Dear god. Talk about a lucky escape you had there - a man who would change his mind because of some catty comment? I can't think I would respect any bloke who did that under any circumstances. What a twit. Drop them both - I don't know what it's about, I suspect it's a combination of nastiness, jealousy, her wanting him, and his sheer, jaw dropping gutlessness.
  8. Honey Pumpkin
    It's so tempting to think that there is a short cut through pain - but there just isn't. Whether it's the pain of breaking up with someone or being bereaved, you have to go through that pain. And it's horrible and hard and tough. But I do think it makes you a stronger person. Actually, I've thought this for a while now - what would I have been like if my life had been all sweetness and light with no pain at all? And you know what, I don't think I'd be the person I am now. You lose something (naivety? I don't know what to call it), but you also gain strength and tolerance. Doesn't help at the time I know - but if you look at the events in life that have had the most profound effect on your character, it will include the tough times as well.
  9. Honey Pumpkin
    That must hurt - I'm sorry. But as the others have said, I've seen posts here where people have said "They are just not contacting me - what's up?" At least you've had a short, not too brutal email saying that it's not going to happen. And dating is great practice - the more times you ask people out, the easier it gets (apparently...!). Be nice to yourself, but dust yourself down and be grateful that you're free to take out the gorgeous girl waiting around the corner who's going to want to be with you and just you. Take care
  10. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi there, Well, as I see it, only the first of your FOUR points were actually about trust. Which is quite interesting, really. Tattoos and lips rings That's a choice thing, I guess. I agree that lip rings aren't attractive, but that's just MY opinion. I wouldn't have a boyfriend talk me into getting something or out of it. But it's not a trust issue. Marriage How do you KNOW who is the 'right' one? I don't know. And I think if someone came up with a test, then they would be a millionaire! But that's not a trust issue either, is it? And this was your fourth point - and again, it's not about trust. But I think that she might have a valid point. How do you know that you are right? How do you know she's not right? How would you feel if your partner was going to show you the error of your ways, and teach you the 'right' way to live? Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh, but I think this is not really about trust, is it? It's about trying to control your girlfriend, and steer her decisions. I know you're doing it from love, but you need to think about your actions, or you may risk driving her away. Talk about point one (the making out issue), but she has answered you about that. But also think about how you guys communicate, and how you can make it better. Good luck.
  11. Honey Pumpkin
    I'd walk away from both of them - harsh, I know. But it sounds like a very confused, enmeshed relationship, and I cannot see a way through it whereby you will be happy with either of them. And you did betray Jasmine by sleeping with her boyfriend, as did he. There are other people out there who can commit exclusively to you, and not make you part of a complicated triangle. Maybe some distance will let you see whether any of your friendship with Jasmine can be saved, but at the moment I would put yourself first (you tried to kill yourself over these people), and put some distance between you. Rely on people who love and care for you - try to heal and look after yourself. Take care
  12. Honey Pumpkin
    JJ, it's a cruel harsh world out there, where you have to spend hard cash on stuff that's not fun, that you resent. I feel your pain!! But that's part of being an adult, that you have to pay taxes, national insurance, etc, and often wonder why you're handing over such a lot of money. At least you have some money in reserves - well done for being sensible. Maybe try to have some savings always, and that will help you feel more cushioned against these sudden bills? Me, I've always been pretty feckless living from hand to mouth, so I admire your frugal attitude!
  13. Honey Pumpkin
    Mmmm - change your password now. Just in case it's not your ex, but you're being scammed for any other information. I don't see how you can prove it, and if you play games with him I think that you're just feeding on unhealthy relationship with him. God knows I would be tempted to do the planting the spoof email, but...no, honestly, change your password to something very secure and unguessable, and move on! You'll feel better once you've cut him out of doing this, and it might help him to move on. I guess he's got in the habit of checking up what you're doing - it's a dangerous, nasty little habit he's got there if that IS the case. Good luck.
  14. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi Princess Diana, You might want to post a new thread all to yourself, so you get a few more replies and thoughts! As for WHY he's doing this with three of your belongings, I don't know. I could speculate, and come up with loads of possibilities (he's doing it to be mean, he's doing it to hold on to something of yours that you value, he's keeping mementoes, he's given the items to someone else), but I don't KNOW what's going on. Do you absolutely need these items back? Because I think that it's somehow giving him control over you still, because it's a way of making sure that you're still thinking about them and him, and he's still controlling you and upsetting you. I agree that it's best to not be in contact with him, because he is not good for your peace of mind, and you need this time to heal. Take care.
  15. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi there, You've not given us much to go on - but I do think you are opening yourself up to a LOT of hurt, and your husband too. Casual guy might well enjoy himself, but he's the only one. I know it's easy to condemn, but why do you think your marriage is such that you are tempted into an affaire with someone else, and the only thing holding you back is that it might be a bit too casual? Do you think your marriage is beyond saving, and you'd like to leave your husband for this guy, or do you think you could have an affaire and keep your husband on the go at the same time? I'm not condemning you, but seriously, I do think on the very little that you've written that you are laying yourself wide open to be very badly hurt. This might well be a point you would look back at in 12 months time and wish that you had gone a different path. Tell us more about your marriage and why you are SOOOO tempted by this guy.
  16. Honey Pumpkin
    I know how hard it is to be dumped - I KNOW this. But can I also say that almost everyone will have dumped someone and been dumped. Very few people are lucky enough to meet 'the one' at a young age and stay with them their whole lives. You cannot stay with someone just because dumping someone is a mean action. Breaking up with someone is just a fact of life. Personally, I'd rather someone dumped me because they didn't feel the spark anymore rather than they stayed with me and cheated on me.
  17. Honey Pumpkin
    Well, I think a month is long enough to hold on to someone's stuff to be honest. If it were valuable/important, he should have come around to get it ASAP. I know I would if it were my possessions. As for the unemployment cheque, I would return to sender... All I can say is that if it were my income, I would make very very sure that I had sorted that out! He sounds very feckless, and you're not his mother to be sorting him out. I wouldn't do anything I would be ashamed of, if I were you, but I agree - I wouldn't be especialy willing to help him out with his life planning. Take care.
  18. Honey Pumpkin
    Yeah, that's why you make the move when you're half asleep and a bit drunk - can always claim you were dreaming about Brad Pitt! Okay, the proper grown-up advice is to sit down and talk to him about it. But I would personally go for plan A, because I'm a big fluffy chicken. Either way, do something! You'll drive yourself mad otherwise.
  19. Honey Pumpkin
    Do you think so? I have never met someone through the internet, but my STANDARDS are about more than looks. It's about attraction, the person etc. Bit of a nasty comment there.
  20. Honey Pumpkin
    But there is not ONE rule about what people find attractive, is there? We all have very different tastes, some people like tall, thin men, others like short, bear like men, facial hair, not facial hair, blue eyes, brown eyes etc etc If you are confident about being you, then you are attractive. And yes, looks kind of count, but they kind of don't, because we all like different things. And another thing - have you ever experienced this, that you notice how someone is when you first meet them, but the more you get to know them the more that changes? Sometimes good looking people appear less good looking (maybe they're not that nice?). And sometimes ordinary looking people become GORGEOUS the more you spend time with them - that's lovely when it happens. I tell you what is a turnoff though, is a bitter attitude about girls not giving you a chance. I'm sorry, but that is unappealing. Same for girls as well - sourness and unhappiness is a turn-off, I think, generally.
  21. Honey Pumpkin
    That's tough - because if someone asks you the same question over and over again, it becomes very difficult to answer it with sincerity over and over. I don't know - you could get her to work out her BMI, show her that she's in the healthy range, address this issue head on. But it's about a lot more than that; confidence, self-esteem and so on. Ironically, though, she's in danger of pushing a nice guy away because it's EXHAUSTING to be constantly reassuring someone all the time
  22. Honey Pumpkin
    I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. But why did you treat her badly in the past? Were there things in your relationship that weren't going right for you? Maybe these are the areas that you need to think about, rather than just wanting to get back with her. Because it sounds like you've both been through a lot of pain.
  23. Honey Pumpkin
    Only thing is, wasn't clear if you were asking him over to have sex with him. And if I'm not sure, there's a good chance he won't be sure. If you don't want to have sex with him (and as you're called virgin girl I'm thinking you might not be!) then you probably want to make that clear to him. It's just a lot of men would be joyfully thinking 'way hey, I'm in there' whilst flinging off their clothes.
  24. Honey Pumpkin
    At first, I thought, well maybe - see how counselling goes etc. Then I read all the stuff he's done, and thought ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! No, you should not try again. I'm sorry this is so hard, but a half hearted email from him saying about trying again in no way cancels out even ONE of the things that he has done. Not one. I cannot see that you can try anything else. It's so hard to let go of something, but you've given this your best shot, and he's been vile. Maybe he's having pangs; maybe he's realising how fabulous you are and what he has lost. Tough. He could have done this months ago, and put some real effort in. Good luck!
  25. Honey Pumpkin
    You have cocktails at his place and fall asleep in his arms? Don't mean to be rude, but it's not hard - make a move on him, sort of sleepily. See if he responds. Then have the discussion the next day if he does, to see if he wants to date properly. I'm not sure, to be honest. But give it a go. Good luck!
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