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  1. First off I would like to thank everyone here. This forum has been more helpful than anywhere else on the internet. I used to have a very low self-esteem and used to think girls would never like me. In the past they used to give me these dirty rejection looks... sometimes even disgusted stares. This slowly changed this year as I started to get more and more dates sporadically... with young, attractive women... But so far only through dating apps. This meant that my appearance wasn't the issue. It must've been something else. These women wouldn't even want to text me if I was actually ugly. But the hurt of being mostly rejected by them through the years took a heavy toll on my self-confidence and security. So, even though now I know I am actually attractive and that if I tried to actually approach girls in "the field" more often I would -- indeed -- be able to get some numbers and dates... There's still this lingering, hampering fear of hearing a "no". It's a heavy blow to my ego still. But then I also know that's how the dating game works, I know I will be rejected many many times before hitting it off, but it will happen. I just have to put myself out there and keep trying. How can I get rid of this paralyzing fear 😞 ???
  2. So I’ve been doing research into how to improve my self esteem. I came across a “celebrity therapist” and hypnotherapist named Marisa Peer. She has a lot of videos on YouTube and has done Ted talks etc. Her theories seem to make so much sense but I’m struggling with her claim that she has transformed severely ill patients after a few sessions by treating the 3 core causes of their issues, rather than the symptoms of their depression etc. I have been trying out one of her practices for the last few days and I’ve got to say, I do feel a lot better and that’s making me consider purchasing one of her courses (she has free short ones I could trial I think). I can’t find much evidence of her being a therapist etc as google searches come up with mostly her videos and website but her courses etc have been reviewed with high ratings on blogs etc. So I’m wondering if anyone here has tried her courses etc and could vouch for her or say actually she’s a self inflated phony? I know the few reviews I’ve found on blogs are good but I’m skeptical, they could have been given it for free and felt obligated to give it a good review. Thanks
  3. I'm extremely tired Of being wired With all this **** When I get bit, Want to be rid of it To soon, not yet Years of waiting left Those years have great heft, I just want to die Tell them all goodbye Goto heaven or nothing Dammit just do something, Im tired and sore This lifes a bore I want more for myself Ended up by myself All alone Got damn boned, im so ****ed This ear got shucked I cant cry I cant lie I cant die Music is my only friend Itll be with me till the end, God im glad theres music Makes some stuff less useless. Though sad it may be This is all me, Will somebody ever love me Will somebody ever care My guess is no I need to go, Go where There There There Nope here is where I must stay Im trapped; kept at bay I feel so hopeless The hole has no bottom I always feel lonely and rotten, I feel like a run away train Everythings a drain My life is ****ed; put on hold Think my balls are growing mold This world had no true gold No matter what, no matter how bold I just feel old And worn out To tired to shout, So here I lay me down to take it Maybe ill luck out Maybe I wont make it, I really do want to live But my souls run out of me like a sieve I have lots of holes Searching for a lonely shoal, Theres none to be found Problems compound Things get worse With every verse Why do I keep typing Why do I keep thinking Cuz I keep smelling the world Stinking, It burns my soul Hurts my heart Damages my self confidence Puts me on defense Pain makes me wince, Trying to dull the pain Trying to calm my brain Going down the drain Crashing like a plane Wish I never came My soul hurts, got a band-aid ma'am?
  4. First some background information: I'm 25 years old and currently going to college for my Associate's and certification for networking. I have never dated before in my life and my self esteem is very low. High school was a very horrible experience in my life. A day would not go by where I was not picked on or made fun of. And basically I had no one to turn to for support, I had very little friends and could not count on my parents. This is what contributed to my self esteem issues. I do realize that high school is nothing compared to the real world but there is still this lingering feeling that I can't shake. As if everything will fall apart again if I make a fool out of myself. Now fast forward to the present. This is my 2nd term and I've gotten pretty comfortable with all the people in my major. There's this feeling of comraderie amongst us, we actually help each other with study groups and such. Trying to make sure that we all graduate together. Which helped my self esteem a bit so I basically didn't care if I had a girlfriend or not. At the beginning of the semester while waiting for class to start I notice this girl accross the hall eyeing me. I brushed it off as just looking since people glanced around all the time. More days pass and everytime I am waiting for class to start I notice her staring at me each time. Again, I'm in denial and I brushed it off. I didn't actually suspect that she was interested until I was in a lab one day and she walked by the room, she was staring at me the entire time while walking by the window. So one day I decided to test her attraction by making eye contact in return. She didn't stop looking and it was very hard for me to maintain it since she was making me so nervous. It felt like an eternity. I tried to smile but it was such a shaky smile that she probably didn't even notice. This lasted about 10 seconds or so. I also noticed that she was kinda mimicing my stance. I was standing with my arms behind my back and she was doing the same, except sitting down. Which must've been kinda uncomfortable for her. Because of this long stare, I decided to make the first move and introduce myself the next time I see her. I arrive early as usual to my class and waited but she didn't show up until about 5 minutes before my class started so I ended up going inside. I was still determined to talk to her so I decided to at least say hi to her after class. I sat down at the table in the hall and started doing some of my homework. She still stayed behind in her class for about 10 minutes or so and when she came out I got up and approached her. You have to understand that this was a VERY BIG BREAKTHROUGH for me. I have never done this before and was so scared. I just told her that I wanted to introduce myself and asked her a few questions, like what was her major and if this was her first term. She replied with one word answers and didn't ask anything in return. I looked for body language signals. She was smiling the entire time but..... she looked like she had an embarrassed smile. She was laughing a little bit, but because of the embarrassment again, I did not say any jokes or try to be funny. I was pretty awkward, I smiled, but I think she sensed me being nervous and lacking confidence. She was probably laughing because there was this idiot making a feeble attempt at hitting on her. Anyway, because I was sensing the embarrassment. I got the impression that she wanted me to leave her alone. So I tried to give her an escape route by asking her if I was making her late for something. She said she did and had to leave and I apologized for holding her up. I said it was nice meeting her and let it go from there. The only reason I approached because she was constantly looking at me. I guess it meant nothing. But I'm still unsure about her embarrassment. Could she have been embarrassed because the guy she was interested in was talking to her? Or because the idiot was hitting on her? Did I also come off as a creepy guy by waiting after class? Is she just shy? Should I even attempt to talk to her again? I'm thinking maybe she was just shy since she doesn't really talk to anyone else in the hallway waiting for class to start, except for one older woman who seems to be outgoing. I'm starting to regret approaching her since she's gonna see me everytime before that class starts and think that the creepy guy is there again. Sorry for making this so long.
  5. Ok in dire need of some support. I'm having a weak moment. Wanting to contact the ex tell him I miss him tell him I want to be with him. I shouldn't. He very slyly cut down my self confidence and made me second guess everything I said/did. (lol I wrote on here all the time in the last 5 months). I know in my heart that he's not the one, didn't fit. But right now I just need anyone who has gone through this or is going through this to tell me it's ok and that n/c is still best. Please I just don't want to slip up.
  6. Hello, I am 20 years of age, and for the longest time I had a major problem; I was excessively overweight and I absolutely hated my body image. People used to make fun of me and put me down, including my parents, and I never quite attained a great level of self-esteem as a result. Thus, about a year ago, I decided to go on a diet in order to reduce my 210 lb., 5' 10" frame. Currently, I am in a downward spiral...I am 126 lbs. and unable to bring my weight under control. I am still eating, but I still find myself limiting my calories to 2000 per day; all it takes are the terrible memories of being fat and made fun of in order to motivate this. However, I am now WAY too skinny; people are now making fun of me because of it and, perhaps even worse, are worried about me...I truly feel like I cannot win! I mean, I WANT to gain some weight back in order to improve my health, but how to I know that it will not cause an upward spiral and cause me to gain all of my weight back? I hate being made fun of for being too skinny, but I don't want to go back to how I was...any advice is appreciated.
  7. A little background on me-Okay i just broke up with my BF four months ago. It took me a very long time and ALOT of hard work to get over him....I can now say I'm almost 100% over the ex. Anyway,two weeks ago I met a guy online, we spoke over the phone a few times and by text. The first we spoke we seemed to really have a great connection, he stirred up feelings in me that I hadnt felt since before I met my ex. He said he felt the same things that I "touched a soft spot in him". Anyways,he told me and made it clear from the beginning however as did I that he wasnt ready for a relationship. He'd only just split with his former fiance. He basically told me though he was attracted to me he wasnt looking for anything really further although he said if it happened he wouldnt fight it either. To me that sounds very double minded. I dont think this guy knows what he wants. Anyway, he texted me the other night asking me to come over a for a while and that he wanted to cuddle. I'd had a few wines and so had he, so I agreed. If you use your imagination you can guess what happened next. The next day I felt incredibly guilty and empty inside. He hasnt phoned or emailed me in two days. It's really hurt me at this really vulnerable * * * *ty time to have started to mend my broken heart only to have my self esteem trampled all over once again by a guy who claimed to be "touched" by me emotionally.Has anyone been through this male or female and how did you handle it? I just feel so used. I dont know how the guy can treat ppl like this. Its not exactly self esteem boosting especially after Ive just come out of a bad relationship.
  8. Hey guys, I'm starting the process of boosting my self esteem and on a lot of websites about it, they say that you have to replace negative self talk with positive self talk. One way to do this is to tell yourself 3 times a day you are a good, wirthwhile person. Another thing is to list your good qualities. Does this actually work? Do you really start to believe it once you say it enough? For those of you who are raising your self esteem and exoeriencing success at it, has it helped? Wgat else has? Sometimes I feel like a hopeless case, but then I've never made a concerted effort to raise my self esteem, so how do I know if I really am or not, right?
  9. So ive just made friends with this girl at university. Shes quite nice and friendly..very feminine, smart and casual. Okay, so about the way she looks, shes got silky black long hair till her hips, shes in perfect shape (no tummy even when she sits!!) and has perfect white clear skin, striking brown eyes, the pinkest lips full of gloss, and yeah ovreall a complete HOTTIE. I would be shocked if a guy didnt check her out. im always with her since Im paired with her for Assignments and projects. Ive never felt like this in a lloooong time, but I feel ugly/stupid in front of her. I dont look anything like her, and I find people always giving her attention, staring at her, talking to HER, and checking HER out. I have guys approaching me just to find out something about her. I was always getting moody after i met her, also irritated/depressed. Now ive sorta figured out why. I have self esteem issues (always did) and this is just highlighting it even more. Im feeling Jealous!!!:shocked!: I dont like it. ADVICE ANYONE!!
  10. Hello everyone I am a new member to enotalone.com I will keep my name a secret and just tell you that I am 18 years old and am in college. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety and am very stressed at the moment and can't get this out of my head. Please would all of you so kindly take some time out of your day and read this. I know it is long but I really need some feedback. please read it and tell me what you think. I have been feeling very upset and frustrated lately. It is about my girlfriend. She is very self counsious and has a very low self esteem. We have been dating for about 4 1/2 months now. She feels that she is unattractive and constantly judges her looks based on how other girls look. The thing that frustrates me the most is that she is so pretty. A lot of people, including me and her friends tell her that she is pretty enough to be a model, but she doesn't believe anyone. On her myspace she even got a friend request from a photographer who takes pictures of models! It has been causing major problems lately such as argueing and awkward and silent times when we are in the car or on the phone and things like that. The main reason why I think she is so self counsious about herself is because of her ex boyfriend whom she dated for about 2 years. He treated her so badly and told her all the time that she should look like other girls. I don't know why he would say such things to her. He was constantly depressed and was a drug user/alchoholic. They broke up and got back together countless times. He cheated on her more times than she can even keep track of. He did not deserve her because she is the nicest girl ever. And despite the way he treated her, he ended up dumping her!!! I know this is true because a lot of her friends have told me the same story. We love each other and we trust each other a lot as well. I think it is good that she got away from him because she put way too much effort into him, despite how he treated her. So basically, my girlfriend and I are the complete opposite. Here and there we have had talks about her being self counsious, and I thought that was the end of it. Recently she has been very effected by what others say and I don't know why. The past few days, we have talked about it a lot and she says wants plastic surgery when she gets out of college. I told her as long as she is doing it for herself then I won't be mad at her or feel any different about her as a person. She and I have the same people as friends, so I talked to them. They have noticed this too and mentioned to me that she should see a guidance counselor at her school. They made some very interesting points and I agreed completely. So last night in the car I nicely mentioned to her that this has gone too far and no matter what I and her friends tell her, it doesn't do anything because she doesn't believe what we say is true. I just got off the phone with her about 2 hours ago and I asked her if she saw the guidance counselor or if she made plans to go see them. She got a little heated and told me "It doesn't matter, I'll do what I want because if i feel better about myself after surgery, then so will everyone else!" Then she told me, "You and our friends tell me that I should get surgery if it's for myself but at the same time your telling me to go to the guidance counselor for your guys' sake and not my own." I told her that we want her to want herself to get help and raise her self esteem/self counciousness. Other than that things have been going great for her and I. It's just that lately this is causing a lot of problems between us. I just wish she would either get help, believe her friends and family when they tell her she really is beautiful, or make plans to get her plastic surgery when she gets out of school and make sure she is doing it for herself and no one else. Please let me know what you guys think, PLEASE?
  11. I've been thinking a lot about self-esteem/confidence lately. Why do some people act really confidently and others are extremely shy? Over the past few weeks I've tried the majority of confidence building material available today. There is one major problem with all of it. Let's say you are a shy guy with low self-esteem. You buy a hypnosis product and a book about confidence and use them every day for a week. You will notice a change in your confidence and you will feel better. However this change won't last. Why do people have low self-esteem? Because they don't like themselves. Listening to hypnosis or doing confidence building exercises or affirmations or anything like that - isn't going to change the way they are. After the short boost in confidence is gone they will feel bad again because they haven't changed themselves in anyway. Example: If a guy feels bad because he doesn't have enough money to live the lifestyle that he desires then he will still feel bad after any hypnosis effects have worn off. He still won't have more money and he still won't be living the lifestyle he wants. So if you're shy right now and you have low self-esteem, how do you become super confident? Glad you asked. ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!! If you aren't living the way you want then TAKE ACTION and start growing and developing yourself. Take action, means become more like the person who gets the results you want (i.e. do what they do). Think about it, if you were living your ideal life; you had all the girls you wanted, all the money, all the charisma etc. Would you feel shy? Would you feel like you hated yourself? NO WAY! You would love yourself!!! You couldn't help but smile thinking about how awesome you really are!! The problem with this is that a lot of people feel like they need a certain amount of confidence in order to take action. If they don't have that confidence they don't take action and it turns into a vicious spiral of doom! I recently discovered PASSION after listing to Tony Robbins talk about state changing. He talks about different levels of passion (1-10) and how feeling passionate can help you get things done. I've had the feeling before but I never labelled it or consciously noticed it. It's AMAZING! You don't need confidence to take action. You need passion! You need to really want it! Get yourself pumped up like crazy!! Jump around listening to your favourite song!! Sing along!! SMILE!! Do whatever you need to do to get yourself in a passionate state. Once you take action it's just a matter of time before you get the results you want. As long as you keep taking action and changing your approach, you WILL get ANYTHING! Here it is again: Feel bad and shy --> Become passionate! --> Take ACTION --> Get results --> Feel confident and awesome!! Stay passionate. eviljedi
  12. is the feeling of betrayal the same when a person leaves you for a reason other than cheating? is your self-esteem shot, and and your ego bruised too? if the feelings are the same, than what is different from a cheating situation to one where you just didn't get along, etc? I'm just curious. do you still feel like you are "less than...?"
  13. finish when we had sex in the LIGHT??? He's NEVER, EVER had a problem with finishing before. Then again, we've always done it in the DARK, where you can barely see a thing. In fact we did it last night in the DARK, and this morning he was ready to go again. But then, he couldn't finish. He said he was trying but it wouldn't come. So he said, "well let's just do this later then." What the hell? This has NEVER happened before. This is so insulting. Especially since I know there's this one girl (with a much better body, mine is okay but I could lose a few pounds) that he found very attractive not too long ago. Ruin my self-esteem, why don't you. So... what's the deal?
  14. The incident I'm describing isn't in it self the reason I'm contemplaiting suicide, but it knocked me back into the reality - that life is a battle I can't survive. Today, as I was playing football one guy took me as his target. Everytime I would do a goal or touch the ball he would attack me from behind throwing me to the ground, tackle me or wrestle with me. The guy was younger, but bigger, muscular and had been pretty much a street fighter and a bad boy for his whole life. I fought back and could shake him off of me and avoid greater damage most of the time, and people would verbally complain to him about distrupting the game and being an idiot, but no-one did anything to actually help me. At the last minutes of the game he once again attacked me, but I got a stranglehold of him, and we rolled over to the ground this time in a more even fight and I said to him I'd let go if he'd let go and as he complied I thought I had made it. How very wrong was I again. After they lost the game and I was already walking away, he ran up from behind and choked me. People yelled at him and told him to let go but he didn't, I said he wasn't being very courageous for starting the fight in such an uneven way. This provocated him more and to show his superiority he told I should take a stranglehold of him and see if I could do any better. I declined and he grabbed me again, so it became obvious I had to fight myself out of the situation and grabbed him with a fairbairn and sykes defendo choke I had learned from a self-defence manual, thinking I could win him. My psychological death and absolute shame resulted as he shook me off, headbutted my chest and tossed me to the ground. It was only then, having totally beaten me that he would stop and leave me alone. In my life, I have had to deal alot with violent people trying to dominate me. I am short and skinny, making me an easy target. I used to think that it didn't matter, as long as I wouldn't play basketball, that I would not have to be large and muscular to have a good life, but boy was I wrong. I now totally understand women's desire for a tall dominant man, for life really is about survival of the fittest. Humans are nothing more than hairless apes, with the same impulses as other animals and one can't simply trust that the modern civilized society would stop the constant fighting and strive for supremacy among males. I foolishly thought that as long as I was assertive and stood up for myself I'd be as worthy as anyone else, and that my ex-girlfriend was being irrational with her feelings of not being feminine with a smaller guy. Afterall, nowadays we have guns and other tools of self-defence, and specific systems such as krav-maga that would beat brute force and provide security for everyone. The reality however, is that one can't defend against unarmed attackers with weapons or effective fighting moves such as strikes to the groin and is considered a criminal in the society, but attacking someone innocent is considered masculine and honorable if fatal damage is not inflicted and no weapons are used. I have now lost all my remaining self-respect, self-esteem and will to live. I foolishly thought that I could defend myself against apes like him, but I can't. I am unable, unfit and have failed as a life form. I can no-longer see my therapist as he moved away to work in a different city and am ready to give it all up. My illusionary sense of control over my body has been lost and I have been defiled and humiliated. No use fighting anymore and I'm ready to end my existence as soon as I get my gun licence. I don't even know why I wrote this, it's probably that I have some kind irrational hope in my subconscious and think that some answer will turn me into a self confident fighting machine, somehow make the fact that I lost disappear and change the genetic triggering for women to swoon over powerful, tall, dominant fighting men.
  15. As I stand upon life’s bitter stage Looking down the road I am bound Life can be so full of rage Anger and depression all around Lined with bars like a cage Trapped within my mind, here inside Which way to turn which way to go Confined within myself I cried Who do I turn to, what to do…I don’t know Looking down at this stage, I just want to hide Hidden behind the curtains I scream In my mind a tornado of uncertainty In these swirling mists is my self esteem Toward myself I direct the hostility In this theater of life I set the theme From the cries within a voice is heard “Why am I always on your last page?” For a moment all is still, not a single word In the quiet stillness of the war I wage Many tragedies have occurred Standing here on life’s bitter stage
  16. I have a crush on my sort-of friend. However, we were set up to be friends because we’re both nutters, or at least I am anyway – I have extreme social phobia; she’s an aspie. Anyway, I don’t think she likes me all that much, never mind has any interest in going out with me. She, like me, is very depressed and has low self esteem. She doesn’t talk to me that much, but I overheard her talking to someone in our class about how depressing it was to have people pay attention more attention to her mum and she thinks that nobody could find her attractive. I also feel this way, so I know how much it must affect her self confidence. I sent her an email, saying that there probably are people who find her attractive, but if not then it’s their loss not hers. She hasn’t replied yet and I’m not sure whether are not she would pick up on it as a compliment (or even a ‘flirt’?!). Anyway, I did a fabulous job with her Christmas present, haha. But I suppose that doesn’t mean she’ll be interested in me. Also, the box of chocolates she gave me was smaller than the one she gave to our support assistant – and it was wrapped by Thornton’s. I don’t mean to whine about it, but, it just suggests that she only got me the present for the sake of it. She’s a few years older than me, and I do come accross as a bit childish in my insanity. Anyway, should I ask her if we can be girlfriends, or will that just ruin our already rather one-sided relationship?
  17. Hello everyone. Hope all are ok. I was hoping I might be able to gain some advice as I am not sure how to go about sorting this out. I split with my ex boyfriend several months ago after a long period of psychological abuse. We had been together for 5.5 years and during this time, my self confidence and esteem went through the floor. He made me endure hangups about my body and my own mental state and I am, to be honest, extremely glad to be free of what was complete torture. I have since met someone else. He is lovely, treats me how I believe someone in a relationship should treat another person and I think I do believe in love at first sight because he is everything I ever wanted and more. Now here is the problem. When I was with my ex, the only way I could enjoy sex was to have wild fantasies about anyone and everything except being with him there and then. Now, I have major problems with my sex life because I cannot seem to get out of that mind set. The foreplay part is fine and I am raring to go but when we actually start doing proper sexual stuff, my mind switches over to my ex. Not being with him in that situation but either thinking about him and how he hurt me or being unable to gain any sexual feeling for my new partner. Then, the more I try and shut it out, the more prominent it becomes in my mind and I stop feeling anything sexual at all. It's really starting to become an issue and although my boyfriend is great about it, I get upset because I think I am never going to be able to have sex without thinking about my ex and what happened to me. I know it sounds crazy but I have a powerful mind and it's starting to ruin my enjoyment of sex totally because I cant seem to let myself go. My boyfriend says and does all the right things - my self esteem has gotton so much better but sexually, I feel a failure........please can anyone suggest a way forward ? Thank you in advance. Cheers. J
  18. Hi everyone, I feel a bit selfish for making a topic as my first post. I'd like to say that this is one of the most caring and helpful communities I have ever seen. I'm a 22 year old guy, I'm in college taking some very demanding courses to become a nurse; which makes me very busy. I have an active social life and many friends, but my problem is this: I am just so self conscious, shy, and I have a recurring low self esteem issue. Everyone else seems to get girlfriends so easily, but I have never really had a steady one. I've had a few sort-of GF's, last summer this girl asked me out but dumped me after one day, and all I had done between that time was made a quick phone call to meet her the next day. Everything was going so great too. We're still friends but I think the reason was because I'm too much of a nice guy and I don't have a powerful enough personality for her. Before that, I asked out my best friend that's a girl, but I broke it off because we've been friends for 5 years and our relationship didn't seem to get past friends with kissing benefits. Other than that my life is just full of teases, and reminders that guys must make the first move always. Since I fear rejection, I choose not to make the first move but get pissed off at how girls never make moves. I'm not ugly either. What, if anything, am I doing wrong? Should I even be pursuing girls at such a busy time in my life? How should I deal with the resulting low self esteem?
  19. Ok so me and this girl have been friends for about a year now, and we talk regularly, and i would like to ask her to the movies (or something); the problem is i have ummm...no experience with anything having to do with relationships or even dates, (im 17...sad...yes i no), the big problem is that im EXTREMELY shy and my low self-esteem doesn't really help the matter, and i got my friends on me tryin to help me however I need some help here are something i need help with: 1. if she doesn't like me like that will that completely scew over our friendship? 2. how should i go about asking? 3. should i schedule a movie to go see or just show up and see whats playing? 4. should i put my arm around her? 5. will she go with me just out of shear pity? (cause thats the last thing i want, id rather her just go ahead and say no then force her) I may post more things l8er as i think of them also, thanks guys and gals
  20. Venus is blind to those who fall to the desires of petty misfortune and wants of lost opportunity. To them she turns from for betrayal of her truth those who do not understand to breathe when the water she takes from their lungs. Because they kick and thrash never learning to let go, feeling so deeply hearts skipping to the beat of a hummingbird while others pull themselves up and with calm faces and understanding walk to the shores again feeling the pearl sands melt and the warm sun saving them letting those poor souls who have been castaway to emotion uninspired by principle, history, friendship, wisdom, or devotion but only by a passionate art of low self esteem that we have all felt which keeps cold muscles in motion forever unaware unaccepting that we have all drowned before and that it is a choice
  21. Hey everyone. Here's the thing. I live with my parents and brother, and a lot of the time we get along great. But I feel so disconnected when it's the four of us together... like it's just me and them instead of us. It's hard to explain, but I get so incredibly angry over little inconsiderate acts and then feel like they don't love me. No matter what I tell myself I always feel worthless or not needed in the family. They don't understand me at all and they think I'm a brat but really I just want them to ask me what's wrong instead of ignoring me. I have a pretty low self esteem and I'm really shy and my mom gets mad when I get shy around new people. There are so many other things but they'd make this post too long. The worst part is, I feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to. I have "friends" at school but the truth is they aren't exactly the nicest people in the world, we get along but I can't tell them personal things. People always compliment my mom on how well brought up I am because I barely say a thing, but they have no idea that I feel like I'm dying inside. I always think I suck at everything and that I'm not important in anyone's life. Sorry to babble so much, I don't really know what kind of advice I'm expecting or whatever but I couldn't bottle it up anymore.
  22. Hey everyone.... if you have read my posts before you know whats going on . Well the ex came to get ther rest of his things and yeah he looks very skinny not himself. well when he came to the house he was avoinding looking at me and he had me come out to the car to see his new (and first car) It was nice... he was weird he hugged me and said sorry that things didn't work out and he said thank you for all the confidance that i gave him... asked for another hug and then there i saw it. A F*ING HICKIE WITH TEETH MARKS AROUND IT.... i was so shocked i didn't say a damn thing but tears welled up in my eyes and well he was shanking and he was acting werid and i said lets talk and he said there is nothing to talk about and i asked a couple more times and then i said ok and he drove off.... i cried for a long time... how can this guy i thought was the one go be with some randome girl??? amd one who leaves a HICKIE WITH BITE MARKS AROUND IT????? I was never like that with him... IDK it just was a slap in the face to me and our relationship.... while i am struggling to forget him and i am missing him he is off with other girls.... i know its over now... for good... i will never speak to him again i am just really hurt.... anyone have anything positive to say because i am sad and my self esteem is in the gutter... i was dressed up and he did say you didn't have to dress up for me and i said i didn't i was like this all day...anyways please everyone i need something some comment to keep me going i feel like any second i am just gonna breakdown and flip.... well thanks everyone....
  23. Hello! Well this is the first post that has nothing, well not really too much about other people. This post is all about me. I guess what I realized that has been the general theme of my anger, frustrations and problems is my jealousy. Jealousy of course is closely related to insecurity and low self-esteem. The past few years (4-5) I have had the lowest self-esteem ever. Many people would think I am crazy or would never think I have reason to be insecure. I mean I was voted best smile and best looking in highschool my senior year. Random guys are constantly looking at me or I even have fan clubs of guys that used to like me. So I have people that think Im attractive, but I guess I dont care about THEIR opinion. After my first real break up from my ex, i was hurt very bad. i was shocked that a girl like ME would ever get dumped. I am not superficial or materialistic at all. In fact I think Im an intelligent, mature, as well as beautiful woman! SO being dumped was a shocker for me, and it brought my self-esteem down. i began to question whether i was as great as i thought i was. after the break up i dated alot and built up my confidence. My break up pain wasnt the pain i lost my ex, but the blow it gave to my self-confidence. i am totally over that break up....when i met my current bf, for some reason i felt insecure AGAIN. i mean i had guys hoot and holler at me, but he didnt. i know i should have been happy he respected me to not hoot and holler at me, but at the same time i also thought he wasnt attracted to me, which made me feel inseucre, ugly, not sexy. In the beginning, my bf talked about our pasts. he said his ex was gorgoues and he dated alot. this REALLY killed me to hear him say she was gorgeous. i mean this REALLY killed things for me and my confidence. not only that but it made me feel like she was hotter than me in some crazy way. and i cared so much about his opinion well because i was dating him. a year and a half later, i am still with him, but the insecurity keeps getting worse and worse. i even saw her myspace profile page one and began to cry and cry! i was so jealous! how can i deal with this. my insecurity is so unecessary but am i crazy?? he tells me all the time now he thinks im beautiful and sexy, but now its like too late or i still dont believe him...why cant i believe him? i feel like hes saying it to make me feel ok or better...i feel so dumb for thinking this way but i do! i just need ways to have a differnet outlook as well as an explanation why i feel like this...its really ruining my relationship with my bf i love him alot but my insecurties are driving him crazy. its not fair to him. i used to blame him for this for telling me his ex was HOT but now im not so sure whos fault... thanks--
  24. Just wondering if being to shy around a girl or if you have semi-low self esteem in the ladies department from past experience and shakey self confidence... does that show through even if you don't think it does? I am outgoing and funny, etc around girls, but underneeth i am always nervous and second guessing everything i do. They must be picking up on this somehow?
  25. Hi all, I'm looking for some advice on how to improve my self-confidence. I went through a break-up last year that utterly devastated me but as i look back now on the relationship, although i love my ex-boyfriend and miss him terribly, i can see that he has drained my confidence in the years we spent together. He has a lot of female friends and i made myself very miserable thinking that they were better than me - jealousy became a huge issue for me and i began to despise myself. I would buy clothes like his girl friends and try to be like them, anything to get the attention i so craved from him - i have totally forgotten who i actually want to be as i am so obsessed with one of his female friends.....this is a situation i feel it is imperative i sort out. We eventually split up after he cheated on me which compounded how low i feel about myself. It has been a year now and i still feel so sad and worthless. Please can anyone give me any tips on how to improve the way you view and think about yourself. I despise the way i look, i cringe at things i say, i obsess about girls i think are better than me - thinner, prettier etc....this self-loathing is so destructive....im 22 and i really need to grow out of this self-pitying and shallow frame of mind. I've been travelling this year, done voluntary work in Nepal, am learning a new language and going to the gym, spending time with old friends etc I feel ive tried hard but none of the usual things seem to have made much difference so if anyone has any other ideas please let me know....
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