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Honey Pumpkin

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Everything posted by Honey Pumpkin

  1. Seriously - Shay is the best you've dated for a long time by a country mile; it's very easy for people to criticise and pick someone apart for entertainment, but she's the best sounding one on here for years. Don't spoil it by over-analysing! She sounds bang on the money for you.
  2. I think I would just go with the flow too Miss M. I don't know how to explain this well, but when people are long-term dating online, they seem to become very much about interviewer/interviewee. Other people are judged against a long list of criteria and if they don't match up, they are struck off quickly and ruthlessly. That's absolutely fine, but it does take the romance out of it. I think you need to start going on a few dates with the same guy, it might or might not go anywhere, but it gets you out of that endless loop of first dates and more into dating. I'm not phrasing this right, I know. I met my partner online dating three years ago and I had an absolute blast when I was dating online. The thing that was offputting was meeting guys who had been online dating a long time - they were almost too business like, and almost too about the checklist. I get that they were valuing themselves etc and avoiding timewasting, but dating is meant to be fun and not angst. It wasn't my job to make them better people or not but it was lovely to meet up with guys and have fun and a giggle. Anyway, fingers crossed that you have a lovely time with this guy today
  3. I'd go - you like him and there's a bit of spark. He's been texting you regularly all week, and to be honest, I think there is a difference between American and European dating. I think if you say no you drag it out for another week and it fizzles out. See how it goes on a third date
  4. Did you suggest meeting up later or at another time? To me, that sentence in a text would sound like a knockback "I appreciate the offer but I'm busy today and I usually make plans in advance" - like you're not interested. Being spontaneous is a nice trait, not something that he needs hints about changing. If you like him, ease up a little bit on all these rules perhaps?
  5. Best news ever!!!! Well done Tinu, am smiling for you!!!!
  6. I'm so happy for you Tinu! I almost feel like I want to go to your graduation and cheer you... Best news of today, am smiling as I read your post. Congrats!
  7. Huge huge congratulations - I am so pleased for you, well done, you must feel absolutely terrific just now!!!
  8. Awwwww, thank you! I have endless dreams about flying, and in them I can fly similar to how it is when you swim. I always think for a second when I wake up that if I could just remember the trick to it, I could do it in real life! I love my flying dreams.
  9. If my soul could fly, it would kick off the ground with one pudgy foot rising through the air parting like water, pure happiness like lightning. Soaring, swooping, dancing with kites, twisting and diving, witnessing the ground bound with compassion; they can't know this delight. I hope this is what death brings.
  10. Tinu, marriage isn't a solution to life's problems. You know this, and this mindset is terrible for you, holding you back from achieving what you want. I think it's called the Cinderella complex, this idea that you'll be 'rescued' from life's hardships by marriage. But that's something you need to grow out of and realise you are responsible for yourself. You can't hope to be rescued just because life is a bit hard. Penelope is right - how about telling yourself you CANNOT date until 2011, or even look. The only thing you can do right now is to finish up your Phd, keep healthy and focused on YOU.
  11. Well, maybe it depends what he wanted? I mean, I have to say it would not be what I expected if I were to commission a vampire portrait, I think I would want something more realistic but sinister and so on. It looks a little cartoonish to me, to be honest.
  12. 131 pages, and I guess that you are done with this guy! That seems very conclusive to me, to be honest. He doesn't want you back, and he is not holding out ANY hope. I hope you can find peace. I hope you can move on from this guy. I am exhausted just by reading your roller-coaster journy. Maybe start a new thread in 'healing after break-up'? Make a ceremonial break from 'getting back together'? I am sorry you're hurting, I really hope his reply kind of gives you closure, BG.
  13. Yowser, my head hurts having read this thread!!! I think the OP needs some time out from this situation (and thread) for a few days - I would say take the weekend off completely, have a holiday from it. Then sit down and think about what DN is saying, whether a letter to clarify what you actually WANT, would help the situation. If it would, then write it, send it, and implement NC. If not, continue with NC. I think this is a bit of a vortex, and I honestly think you need a break from this drama to get some perspective and to be a bit less roller-coaster ride.
  14. And I find it really comforting right now, when I've been dumped and am sad. I remembered thinking about it on the bus coming home, and I thought I'd post it here, because it's so beautiful. It's about learning to love yourself again. "Love After Love (Derek Walcott) The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life." I love these lines: You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you Just thought I'd post it here because it is so beautiful and moving, and really comforting.
  15. My dad made a new friend last year - he's 89! I often look at how my father has worked throughout his lfe, because he is always making new friends, whereas my mother has never had that knack. I think it's about being open and interested in other people, and also not over-analysing what they think of you. Not reading too much into things - my father tends to take people at face value, and not worry about what they think, if there are hidden motives etc. Sorry, maybe this isn't good advice. But I do look at people who have the knack of warmth and making new friends, and it IS a definite attitude, a willingness to reach out and take a chance, rather than wait to be coaxed.
  16. How would YOU feel if you divorced? It sounds to me like you're making a sacrifice because you think your husband is worth more, that your love somehow isn't enough. That to me sounds almost like a crazy statement of love, rather than the opposite. Mixed up and not useful or positive, but still a declaration of love. I think you also sound a wee bit depressed - you sound like you've had a rough time; do you think this may be affecting your thinking? I just worry that you are not making a sensible decision that you really believe in, but is a reaction to something else. What's going on in your life RIGHT NOW?
  17. Don't send!!! You will regret it in the morning - what if she doesn't respond, or says 'thank you, that's sweet', or just runs? No, far too full on. Never send ANYTHING when drunk/angry/otherwise not your rational self. You may regret it, and cringe when you remember. Wait until you're stone cold sober, and then talk to the girl!
  18. I teach a lot of IT skills at work, and to be honest most people learn by doing it themselves with me guiding rather than by sitting there and listening. That's not odd AT ALL, it seems to be you're pretty normal! It's not that easy to learn by listening alone, to be honest. The thing to do is to work out what works for you when listening - I tend to take notes if it's something I need to do, and believe me, people are sooooooooo grateful that I have written it down verbatim (eg how to test the fire alarms!) rather than just stood there and politely nodded while someone explains. It's finding out what works for you, and applying it. That's the smart thing to do - but no, you're not at all unusual, you seem pretty normal to me! BTW, what did people do before we'd heard of ADHD? I think there are of course people with it, and I work with people who have it, but it seems to be much MUCH more common in the US than it is here in the UK. Anyway, don't sweat it - seem perfectly normal to me in terms of your comprehension!
  19. Hi Sean! Okay, your post was quite long, and there were a LOT of things that you wanted to get off your chest, which was good. What's a while? Since you started, or has this come on gradually? A LOT of young people at university for the first time feel like this, and there are places on campus that can help you with this. Have you checked any of them out? It's a common feeling, and while I know that you think you're alone, you're really not. Loads of people (the majority?) feel scared and stupid and anxious at times. You're honestly not alone. I bet you're a nice looking guy, and that it's lack of confidence in yourself thats holding you back. Hair - I know it's sensitive for you, but women honestly don't care. Shave it off and have done with it! Acne clears up (get advice), and starting to get fat? Well if you're just STARTING, that's easy - a bit of exercise and healthy eating will sort that out for you in a couple of weeks. Hmmm, sounds like it's tied in with the depression and the anxiety that you've described - and the lack of self-confidence. I think that this would ease with trying to get out there and build self-esteem, but I'm really no expert. It might be worth while talking to your doctor about this? Or a counsellor on campus. Your personality seems just fine to me - you're articulate and self aware, and not a whiner. I bet that you don't come accross as whiney or a loser, but possibly a bit shy and quiet - which are not bad traits AT ALL! You're 19 - half the people around you haven't been out with anyone or scored yet. Honestly, most people lie about this anyway, trust me. You get to thirty and eveyrone fesses up that they weren't at it until they were in their twenties! I think you need to get out there and socialise, not to meet girls as such, but just to get to know more people. Find out what interests you, and take risks. It gets easier with each step. I think you need to consider talkign to someone about this, but also realise that you're just fine and need to work on building your self-esteem and confidence, and things will just fall into place. There are some great sites out there about how to do this. link removed isn't too bad. But there is loads of material available Keep posting - and don't be so hard on yourself!!
  20. So you'll have finished by September? (Sorry not sure how long a semester is...). You can do this, you will feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good once it's done. Really proud of yourself, and glad you've done it.
  21. For me, being more romantic is more about an attitude than anything else. That you kiss the hell out of each other not because it's a prelude to sex, but because you are so into each other that you want to snog for hours - think like teenagers, and how turned on that got you! It's more like hugging and kissing through the day, sexy thoughts and images, and less like it's all leading to an end point (penetrative sex). I saw a great tip on a programme once, where a couple had to be very sexy with each other, but weren't allowed to have sex or orgasm. After a week, to be crude, they were totally gagging for it (this was a couple who weren't having a good sex life). I think there is something about BANNING sex that makes it more of a goal, somehow. You know, forbidden fruit and all that. I think I can find the reference if you like.
  22. How long is a semester? It doesn't SOUND too long, to be honest. I know it's horrible when people are all in gangs and so on, but that's their loss. They sound pretty young and silly, to be honest. It's good that you have friends - that's so important, and shows what a lovely person you are. I know it's hard, but this last semester will pass, and pretty soon you will be back out in the working world, and really making a go of it, meeting new people, doing new things, and being so glad that you have your MAT degree. And you have us! Things will get better, honest
  23. Tricky one - I think I would try to make her feel valued and gorgeous, and that it's not just trying to get her into bed. And talk to her about it - ask her how you're going to work this out as a couple; both of you take responsibility for this, but how are you going to take it forward and move past this? Make her realise that this problem is putting your whole relationship in jeopardy. There's also couples counselling - might that be an option for you? Finally - I respond well to being told I'm gorgeous and lovely by my bloke, especially when he does it in unusual ways. Using different phrases and praising different bits of me, rather than just 'sexy' and 'beautiful', try saying something that is specific to her - 'you have incredibly elegant eyebrows' for instance. I know it sounds weird, but thoughtful, unusual compliments are a killer! I reckon you've tried a lot of this though - it is tricky! Dont' give up, I bet your girlfriend is as miserable as you about this if not more so - make it something that you solve together! Good luck.
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