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About Me

  1. So I went to the hospital at 2:30 AM. They gave me a 30mg shot of Toradol. That only reduced it a bit. They sent me home. I took 2 Tylenol 1 and got in bed at 5:45. I woke up before 7:30 screaming in pain. My husband took me back to the hospital. This time it was another dr. He said he is sure I have Trigeminal Neuralgia and gave me another shot of Toradol 60mg. He gave me 200 mg of carbamazepine . I have to take 400 mg a day. It is an anti seizure medication that will relax the nerve. And he have me hydromorhone 2 mg for pain. They have me lined up to see a specialist. Sorry I am not making much sense I am taking 2 medications which make you very very sleepy and confused.
  2. I have never slept so good in my life except when I was on anti-seizure meds. One of the side effects of one of my blood pressure meds is feeling tired. I am a write off by 8:30. However, true I wake up at 5:30 AM. Most nights I am unconscious by close to 930. And I sleep rock solid till 530. I have never been like that in my life.
  3. I'm dating someone casually, and this is what I need right now. We've started dating this summer. He's a very wise and self-aware person but God help me his cold logic attitude can be hard to bear. We agreed to date without expectations. We've also talked about getting pregnant scenario - he said multiple times he's against having children now and would support me only in decision of abortion. We've jokingly called him "a fan of abortion". I'm not "a fan" myself and I'm 31 (but not in hurry to have a family if I ever want that), so in case of unwanted pregnancy I would strongly think about keeping it, because I don't know when I will my future husband anyway (if I will). So we've talked about this and I told him it would be only my decision but I assured him I wouldn't want anything from him including money. I'm a very sincere person, heart on the sleeve, and he never had reason to doubt my words in any matter. This month I started taking pills as they're a statistically more safe contraception method than condoms (and would give us more fun). I'm ok with him using condoms as an additional method if that makes him feel more safe. But this week we had first "normal" sex without condoms and with a normal finish. The whole evening we were emotionally close and it all made me very happy. The sex was amazing too. The next day I had a visit with my gynecologist, took a new prescription and asked some questions about pills. I've been taking them every day after breakfast, so on weekends it's about 2-3 hours later. My doctor told me I should be taking them at the same hour for better efficiency. So I decided to take them at the same hour for the future. I had a tough day at work and while he was on his way to me, I told my bf that on text about the visit, and I jokingly wrote that "I hope your dreams about abortion won't come true", to lighten up the subject, which I realize now sounded a bit insensitive though we've joked in this exact manner before. We've also both read before that no additional method is needed if the pill is taken within 6 hours. He came to my place and got angry at me for writing that, that I shouldn't be joking about this. That maybe he didn't make himself clear about where he stands with the topic of unwanted pregnancy. That he's going to remind me more strongly and more often about it (he does that too often already..) and maybe it will make me discourage him from coming inside me rather than encourage him. And he said that I'm being childish with all of it. It pissed me off cause I've been approaching it all in responsible manner, taking pills every morning, clearing out my questions with the doctor on the first occasion and I didn't feel I deserved to be called "childish". But, having a tough day, I didn't have energy to tell him that, I just started crying. Like most guys, he said something mean when I started crying. So I couldn't talk for some time or react to his words, I just lied on bed and calmed myself down. He said to me if I act this way after what he said, I must have been lying to him before that I acknowledge his position on the matters of pregnancy/abortion. He asked again if I've been taking pills every day (I told him a few times this month already that I have), thinking I have some reason like that to cry. So when I calmed down we discussed things in constructive manner. I told him I won't stand being called a liar, that I've been doing everything right, and that I gave him no reason not to trust me. That I won't be called childish as well. But I'm sorry for the joke of course, since I didn't know this time it will go wrong. He said it's not that he doesn't trust me, he doesn't trust anyone. But I don't see a point in meeting someone you don't trust 100% with telling the truth... He thinks he's been only saying his cold truth, but I told him he's been just showering me with accusations made up in his head before just asking if they're true. That yes, I'm ok with his position as I said, but he was being an a*hole to me, with how he talked to me. He didn't apologize but acknowledge that. We've calmed down and while we need some space before being intimate again (with double protection for now I guess?), he's been assuring me we're ok, hugging me and being sweet to me as always. I feel frozen and depressed all day. I like him just as before, but I don't know how I will have sex to him again after he's been so mean to me about it. How to let him in emotionally again. I don't know if his fear of closeness or something makes him sabotage things just after we get emotionally intimate like a couple... or maybe I psychoanalyze too much out of it for now. I'm ok whatever way it will work out with us, if we will fall for each other at some point or find somebody else, but I want to enjoy things for now. I can normally enjoy sex only if it's emotionally intimate, not the physical act itself. I don't know how to emotionally "let him in" again during intimate situations, for fear of being punished later for that... I feel I should talk to him about how I feel, not to guilt trip him since generally I respect his views, but to tell him my needs, so I wouldn't cry after sex or something. Unfortunately I don't know what I feel now. And why I feel this way. Can you help me to understand myself better here?
  4. Hi fellas. Got a favor to ask. I'm looking for a cheaper alternative to regular CVS stores since some of my medication isn't covered by health insurance. Yes, those are non-prescription drugs and I've been thinking about some sort of a cheaper alternative like online drug stores. I've heard that Canadian ones are a lot cheaper than US-based. And judging by the news about their health system I don't think this theory is far fetched. Anyway, I need any feedback regarding real life experience of dealing with online drug stores. Any pitfalls etc. Will appreciate any kind of info regarding this issue. For instance: delivery times, payment methods, customs office issues and scammers. Anyway, I would appreciate any kind of feedback on your online medication sellers. Which are more reliable, which ones deal with prescription drugs (if it's legal to do so). I have never tried it online, so I'd like to get as much info as possible. Thanks.
  5. Dear all, I am seeing a guy for over 2,5 years. We had a relationship label for about 6 months but it made him so anxious that we officially broke up but kept seeing each other and were exclusive still. I know, very strange. We finally really broke up a few months ago, we haven’t seen each other for a month until he came back again. We are not exclusive now but we do see each other a lot, we hang out with mutual friends etc. He had a really rough youth, his father was murdered and he has contact with his mother even though it’s not a normal mom-son bond. It is clear he has a lot of unresolved issues and I see that most of the time he cannot help him self, his system is just as it is because he literally doesn’t know how to do different. He treats me really bad a lot of the times, he starts fights with me easily, yells at me about nothing in front of his friends, even though I am the sweetest and most loyal person he has even known. Sometimes he sits down with me and tells me how much he loves me, that I have every reason to leave him forever and how it is possible that I am still here for him after all he has done. I am too understanding, I see so much trauma in him and I don’t take the way he is treating me personal but that is wrong. I am not being sweet to myself by allowing him to cross my boundaries every time. We fight like we are in a relationship even though we are officially not because he is too scared. I had an abortion last week. He came with me to the procedure and I counted on him being there for me that day. He told me he wanted to go to a festival afterwards, I became upset and told him that I needed him afterwards. He started yelling at me that everything always has to go my way, that I cannot force him to stay with me and that I always make so much drama. I started crying, I was about to have an abortion and here he was yelling at me that he wanted to go to a festival. I never did this ever before and I scared myself, but I was felt so misunderstood and so lonely that I slapped him in his face. How dare he talk about wanting to go to a festival and yelling at me before having an abortion. Slapping him is not okay, I know that. It did make him calm down though and he stayed, he sold his ticked. After the procedure I was in pain and felt incredibly sad and all I wanted was a hug from him. I came out the clinic and he was waiting for me. He asked how I was doing and a few minutes later he said if it was possible I would go to my mom because he felt forced to stay with me for the rest of the day. At that point, I was still feeling a bit dizzy from the anesthesia and I was still in pain from the procedure. I felt so overwhelmed by everything, I was still processing the abortion and him telling me he felt forced to take care of me trying to ship me off to my mom broke me. I was extremely upset, I couldn’t even stand anymore and I sat down crying hysterically in the middle of the side walk because I felt so incredibly sad, hurt and lonely. He said I needed to act normal and pulled me up. We did go to his house but I still needed to go to the pharmacy on my scooter to get antibiotics. I did not feel well to drive my scooter but I had to, to get my medication. He took the subway. I got the medication and when I came back to his place he did not say a word to me. He did not ask how I was feeling, he did not ask if he could get me something to drink. I told him if it was possible for him to show me some affection but he got very angry. He said that I should be happy that I could stay with him, that he was being way too sweet to me, that I forced him into staying with me and that I was exaggerating about my physical and emotional pain about the abortion. We got into a huge fight again but it became so much, I just couldn’t fight anymore so at one point I became quit until he started hugging me again. We spend a few hours together which were nice. In the evening he suddenly became angry again without no apparent reason, he just suddenly told me that he felt really unhappy today about how everything went and that I treated him poorly and unfairly. He basically kicked me out of his apartment and slammed the door in my face and afterword’s we shortly spoke on the phone that he needed me to back off, that this was too much for him and that he doesn’t want any contact for a while. I told him how sorry I was for slapping him, I sent him flowers with a card and an apology but he said that it was too much and that I need to distance myself from him. (Apparantly he feels suffocated? I was only trying to show him my regret for slapping him – I felt like an apology with flowers was the right thing to do). I am completely at loss, I just had an abortion which I still need to process and he suddenly doesn't want to speak to me anymore. Did I really act horrible? What do you think I should do?
  6. By how much has the protection decreased? When I was up to the middle of the last week of my combined pill pack, I missed a pill. I took two pills at the same time the next day to "make up for it". A few days into the sugar pill week, I got withdrawal bleeding as normal. In retrospect, I really should have just skipped the placebo pills completely and started a new pack, but I seldom have sex (like I then had protected sex (with a condom) 2 days into a new pack. At the time I thought a condom would be enough, but now I'm freaking out. I really cannot risk getting pregnant at this stage in my life, which is why I like to use 2 forms of BC at the same time. Considering that I missed a pill and then went on to the sugar pill week soon after, had protected sex at the beginning of a new pack, was I not protected at all by the BC? Was I only protected by the condom this time? And I am aware that it may be a little paranoid of me to be worried so much about this. I get really anxious about pregnancy each time I have sex. It's mentally draining. I'm still in college, and I have huge dreams for my career. I don't think I ever want to have children. My parents would probably disown me too as they believe in "no sex until marriage". They haven't even given me the sex talk and I'm in my early 20s. At this point I don't think having sex is worth the anxiety I get over it, but I also don't want to disappoint my boyfriend and make him think I'm not attracted to him. Anyone have any advice please?
  7. Hi everyone, I'm a little embarrassed and shy to go to friends and family on this one so here I go. My bf and I have been together for years. He's a very anxious man and worries about everything, even when it comes to sex. He is afraid of me getting pregnant. When we first started dating, it took him 1.5 years until we finally had sex. One stipulation to this was that I would need to tell him what future medications I take since some interfere with birth control. Simple enough, so I agreed. I am on birth control pills by the way. Fast forward 4 years. There was a time I got extremely sick, similar to a flu and was prescribed with antibiotics. As sick as I was, I took the meds to relieve symptoms and to get better. Well, after 4 years I forgot about this little stipulation and he found out when he saw the medication bottle on the countertop. He asked questions like, "How long have you been taking this?" "Does this interfere with birth control?" I apologized to him and told him that I took the antibiotics for 4 days and I wasn't sure if it affects birth control. He got extremely upset and told me that I was careless and that I should have looked into the meds and should have told him. A few days go on, I get closer to him in bed and he just flips over and faces the other way. A few days go by...then a week... and today hits one whole month of nothing. I've tried everything from dressing up in bed to being half naked. Nothing except me giving him BJ's. I know it's my fault but good grief... I feel like a worthless woman just giving BJ's with nothing in return. Not one ounce of affection, no endearment, nothing. Am I being too selfish?
  8. Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a transition stage in my life at the mo and to cut a long story short I've moved in with my mum for a few months while I get money together for a house deposit and find a decent place. We have always had a strained relationship but it has gotten better in recent years. When I was growing up she was very critical of me and made daily comments about how I looked, especially my weight. I have carried a bit extra for most if my life except for a couple of stages where I lost an extreme amount of weight in extreme ways. I have recently put some weight back on and now fall into the 'overweight category which has made me feel quite bad about myself but she is treating me as if I'm morbidly obese and is making me feel so disgusted with myself and ashamed of what I see when I look in the mirror. I feel myself losing confidence, which I worked so hard to build, and slipping back into old habits like buying diet pills, skipping meals, obsessing over exercise and taking heavy detox drinks etc. I feel so terrible about myself I genuinely feel like a teenager again. Every day these past few weeks she has made negative, nasty digs about how I've "let myself go" and "need to get back on track". I know it sounds silly but I just feel so low right now and every comment from her eats away at my self-esteem a little more. I know parents should challenge you to be your best self but she ignores everything except my appearance and I only ever hear negative words come from her mouth. This can't be right??
  9. So, my girlfriend and I (both 29) have been together for two and a half years but we've been having a few issues (pretty much the same things that keep being mentioned). This is my first real relationship and I absolutely love her and I'm very sure that I'm still IN love with her but lately I've been finding myself a little more irritated when she brings up problems with me/our relationship. We have also started arguing a lot more too. It has got to the point where I'm considering taking a bit of time out just to clear my head. Most of the time we're really happy together - laughing at the same things, enjoying the same movies but then communication problems arise. Issues that she has brought up a few times: - I don't communicate my feelings/emotions that well to her. This is something I have always been aware of and I have been working at it and trying to express when I have an issue with something but I feel like I'm just not as affected by things as much as she is (I've always been pretty chill). She has said that I am getting better at communicating but I feel like it's still not good enough. - Her not feeling like I enjoy spending time with her as much as I enjoy spending time with my friends. I love spending time with her but my work hours can be pretty hectic (I may not get home until 10pm at night at times - we don't live together) so I can feel quite tired by the time the weekend comes and just want to relax. Again, this is something I am trying to work at and I'll suggest going out for dinner, a movie something more chilled. - Not going out as much as we used to. When we first started dating we would go out drinking a fair bit when we would see each other at weekends but I feel like I'm growing out of this. I'm not really a drinker anymore and I think this is bothering her a little (she's not a huge drinker herself and has actually cut back since I cut back) as it also been we don't go "out, out" as much. I think I'm also less affectionate when I'm not drinking (I've never been a PDA kinda person) and I know that this worries her. - Lack of intimacy. I think this is becoming a big one. Over the last few months, my sex drive has started to wane a little (maybe it's working long hours and stress, I don't know) but hers hasn't and I have only recently opened up to her about this. She took it well but I know this is bothering her. I've always been the type of person who is able to let things go and they generally don't bother me for too long so I haven't really felt like I've had any real issues with her but I've been thinking a lot more lately and I am finding myself annoyed/irritated by a few things she does. My issues: - Her complaining about not spending as much time with her and overstating how much time I spend with my friends. I do go out with my friends occasionally (and I do go to the gym a bit), probably every other weekend or so. I'm starting to think that part of the reason why she has an issue with this is because she doesn't go out with her friends so much. Before we got together, she would hang out with her best friend at the time and maybe a few others but during our time together she has slowly cut them out so she doesn't really see anyone else. She has a few friends she talks to on the phone but doesn't see them. She has become friends with some of my friends (as 90% of the time I go out, I invite her out with me) but doesn't spend time alone with them. I feel like if she had a few of her own friends to socialise with sometimes, she wouldn't mind as much about me having fun with mine. - She doesn't have any hobbies either (apart from watching tv I guess) so I sometimes find it hard to talk to her about stuff she's doing. I've also recently started to feel like her conversation starters are complaints about people and life which gets to me sometimes. - I really don't want to write this one but feel like it may be having a small effect. She has gained a bit of weight since we started dating, and yes, I'm still very attracted to her but I think I did prefer her a little smaller. She knows she has gained a bit of weight but blames it on the medication she's taking (I want to suggest that it could be because she doesn't work out but I know she'll take it the wrong way). - I have suggested going on holiday/moving in together and she says she really wants to but it's always me looking for places and makes me feel like she's not really interested. She then gets upset when I bring up going somewhere on holiday or looking at houses when we are on dates as she feels it's all we talk about. I've now just stopped looking altogether. I haven't told her how I feel as I get scared of upsetting her (I also hate confrontation). Over the last year both of us have had to deal with depression and anxiety but to varying degrees. She is on medication, started therapy but stopped after a few sessions. I haven't been on medication but went to therapy (at her suggestion) and completed it and feel like I'm back to my old self and I'm generally feeling good. I also work out regularly. She's coping really well though and is absolutely amazing at her job (very successful) but I worry that the medication could be playing with her mood. Should we take a break? Or do we (mainly me) just really need to work on communication? Any advice would be greatly appreciated
  10. I know I have depression and I do take meds for it. However, even with the medication I have absolutely no compunction or drive or whatever you want to call it to leave my house. I used to get excited to do things, now I am not. I am a new grandma, my grandbaby makes me happy, which hopefully means that part of me is still there, I just cannot access it for everything. I want to get excited to go on outings. I want to find events that I really WANT to go to..... I am just newly disabled due to back issue that has plagued me since I was a teenager, so that is one reason I stay at home. When I am out and about I cannot do too much walking or stairs. I have had Gastric bypass so I have to be careful eating because my blood sugar might tank and I need to eat sugar and ride out the symptoms like sweating, dizziness, weakness, disoriented and feeling faint. It just makes going anywhere a chore, I have to bring everything with me including meds for my back/legs, etc. I do not know if anyone out there can relate, but if there is, please offer any advice you can think of. Thanks
  11. I have quite a bad depression for which I have to take medication. As far as I can tell it's mostly due to my loneliness. When you're nearing 30 and still hoping for your first kiss it just really wears on you. As long as there is someone I can view as a potential partner, I can manage it decently thanks to my medication, but as I recently faced rejection all my usual depressive symptoms came back in full force. I usually get stuck in a situation where I'm unable to do anything but lay down and cry and it can last hours. It is at these points, that suicide feels like the only option. As unfortunate as it is, if I had access to something that'd dispatch me quickly and painlessly like a bullet to the brain, I would in all likelihood wouldn't even be here. When I'm in this state I usually even avoid going outside, because I once almost got hit by a car. Just totally ignoring my surroundings and then I even got angry at the driver even though I was crossing while I absolutely shouldn't have. What's in some ways even worse is that my mental illness turns me inside into a very bad person. Fortunately I'm very good at suppressing my emotions when needed so I don't ever do outbursts in front of people. in my mind though I start to hate the whole world and women in particular. I sort of get a twisted logic where I blame them for problems that are my own. The logic usually goes like this: by not wanting to date me they cause me all this suffering and therefore they must be "es". I know it's false and my well being is no one else's responsibility but my own and pity can never be seen as a valid reason to date someone. Nevertheless when I'm feeling this terrible I usually get into this very bad mindset. I also end up telling myself I'll just be lonely my whole life and nobody will want to date me ever etc... On the bright side I have very supportive friends: most of them know about my condition and are very helpful. Except when I have my crises like the current one, they don't really know what to tell me to cheer me up even though they care about me. I had a really great therapist who often helped me a lot in these moments of crisis (she even managed to cure my social anxiety which was a huge accomplishment), but she retired and my current one just isn't as good. I'd welcome any ideas on what I should do in these moments of crisis, because I don't want this stupid disease get the better of me.
  12. During badminton practice (for high school), we were practicing girls doubles, when both my partner and I went for the birdie at the same time. My partner was a strong player, and when she swung, the racket hit me right in the mouth, causing my lips to start bleeding (both upper and bottom) and immediately sending me into tears of pain. She didn't apologize, and acted as if nothing had happened. I think she might have genuinely not known that she had hit me, but it still hurts a lot and still causes me some trouble when eating (my parents applied medication, but the effect is slow). I kind of doubt that she doesn't know she hit me because we made eye contact directly after her racket hit me (I was in tears), but she is generally a nice person and I also doubt that she would just not apologize after accidentally swinging metal to someone's face at high speed and power (and knowing it).
  13. I don't know what I can do to help in this situation. Any input would be great. I'm dating this guy just over a month. We have become really close quickly. It's a weird situation- he's been friends with this girl for 14 years. They have a 4 month old baby together. It's just one of those things that happened. He choose to live with her to help bring up the baby. There is nothing romantic there 💯. They sleep in separate rooms. So although this might seem like my problem... It's strangely not. It's a weird situation but I'm ok with it. All his money goes to the baby. He's such a great dad and such a sweet and lovely person. He does his best. He loves his son and he really is a good guy. So here's the problem. She's a party girl. She's always bringing people back to the house to throw parties. They wreak the house. Sniffing coke And doing pills while the baby is upstairs . God Forgive me cos I live in no palace myself but it's a dump. Cans everywhere, cigarettes, dirt, mould. I don't mind mess, but this house is un heigienic for a little baby. The guy I'm seeing cleans all the time but she just has more parties and wreaks the place. I don't mind mess. I'm not stuck up, but I'll say it how it is, the house is a filthy dump. She's into drugs ( he is not) . She's always bringing back random guys. He told me she done this even while pregnant . he gave her money the other day, she spent it on pills and coke. I stayed there last night. She came home at 6am out of her face. He was after been taking care of the baby all night. Feeding him, changing him. She took the baby at this stage. I'm disgusted at the fact she took the baby when she was out of her face. The guy I'm seeing went upstairs to give her the baby blankets. Next of all I heard a loud bang like something fell and her screaming the house down. Because I was worried something happened the baby, I ran upstairs ( as did his room mate) to see what was wrong. We walked in to witness her punching him and slapping and pretty much beating him. All because she was out of her face and earlier he had nicely asked her if she could keep the noise down as he was trying to sleep. He didn't touch her. He walked away. This guy wouldn't hurt a fly. His arms were covered in her nail scrapes and his lip was cut. He said this isn't the first time it's happened. She gets high and goes crazy. My heart broke for him. He really is a sweet heart... And when she goes crazy she then accuses him of hitting HER. He's stuck. He knows he needs to move out away from her but she's using the baby against him. He's afraid he will lose his son. It's not my business and I'm not getting involved. But what do I do to help him?? It's killing me knowing this poor little baby is being brought up with a mother who behaves this way. What if something were to happen the baby when she's on drugs? It's just not a good atmosphere for the child. What would you do? 😔 Who am I to say she's not fit to be a mom, but I'm sorry, she is not.
  14. Please help, i have been in a relationship for almost 4 years, one of them it was a long distance relationship but throughout the relationship there been a lot of fights and discussions, something that was weird but ultimately seemed normal, but as time goes by it has escalated. My gf main arguments is that I am not strong enough and I don't seem manly, that I am clumsy and that it seems as I was always with my head somewhere else, that I am slow, and she calls me a kid. I am an introvert, and I take my time to do things such as cooking something or sweeping the floor or such but I don't consider myself dumb or inmature, I lived abroad for 6 years and at this moment I am living with my parents because I used my savings to do a masters degree and I am saving again for buying an apartment of my own, I personally think if that is not at least being a bit smart and independent, I really don't know what is. I've been hitting the gym for almost a year three days a week and taking proteins trying to asses her claims on my lack of strength but my ectomorph body won't show major growth despite advances on the weight I lift compared to when I entered and that gives here grounds to keep on complaining; also followed 6 months in a dance course to address another complain yet she still says is not enough cause I still look stiff while dancing. She has had several problmes during the last months, she did a laser operation on her, eyes then had a skin infection a cousin of her died and I've been with her day and night in the hospital at her home during and while at times she acknowledges then she says that I am no support for her because of "the way I am". I feel unrequited and generally sad, giving my everything and most of the times being shouted at or insulted with things such as slow or child when I take long to cook dinner or something like that. Being in this relationship feels like a chore, having to face that after returning from work. Most importantly there have been episodes where I've been physically attacked, never with full force but once it left a mark of scratches in my neck, I never do anything else than trying to hold her arms for her to stop. In those episodes she throw anything that is near against me or to the ground, twice i was hit with keys and she has destroyed three phones, one of which I lendes her after she destroyed the other, the most recent one she wanted to charge me because "it was my fault as I made her mad". On december I noticed that while being on a lunch That my parents offered for new years eve, she was absent minded chatting with some guy, I must admit I sttepped a line and checked her phone some days later and found out she was flirting with the guy and they were sending each other kisses and such. When we talked about it and cleared the air on the faults of each other in the episode she agreed not to talk with the guy again. After that I've done my best to bury the episode, regretfully I've brought it back on a couple of discussions, nevertheless, she brings that up when accusing me of something saying that "thats why she was flirting with him" and "that if I don't change she the same will happen with other guys". I found that extremely offensive and the last time she brought it up I gathered all my willpower and in the most calm manner said that if that is how she pictured the relationship it was better to break up now, after saying that and while stepping through the front door she shouted that if I left I was going to have to carry her body while inserting in her mouth several pills that she gathered from the house. I returned to make her spit the pills and when she sppited them the discussion resumed and told me that it was my ego that didn't let me change to be more "agile, strong, manly and independent" to which I only could answer that I am doing my best to be a human being in this world and to make her happy but if it isn't enough it was better for both of us to break up. Once again while reaching to the front door she grabbed a knife and threw it against a table injuring her fingers in doing so. She had to go to surgery because she cut her tendons and is now wearing a cast and have limited mobility on those fingers. During this time I haven't have the heart to break up, and still trapped doing my best for taking care of her, today is the third day in a row I get insults for failing at tasks sich as fast dinner, bringing the correct things to her lap or applying cream. I am afraid to even mention any of my feelings as it can unleash a reaction that can worsen her wound from surgery. But I cannot resist any longer, and for moments I dont know if she crossed the line or I'm genuinely screwing things up that I deserve the insults. I'm lost, tired and desperate. Ps I suggested her to go to a psychologist following the knife episode, at first she agreed, but on another occassion I reminded her about it she said I am doing it for me and did a movement that hurt her wounded finger, luckily nothing serious.
  15. Hello all, I suffer with anxiety, I have been on and off medication for around 12 years. I am receiving therapy to address this. My main problem is I often run out of my medication and I feel this is hindering my progress. I have tried a few different things to overcome this with little success. When I looked at when my last prescription was order it was about 4 months ago, on a 2 month prescription, so I’m missing meds nearly every other day. So far I have tried, leaving the last spare packet in my car but I always forget to reorder then I use this up and panic. Putting a reminder on my phone to reorder. I just cancel it because it’s not usually running out when it goes off. I keep meds in my bag to take with breakfast at work, I usually forget to take them, or if I do take them I can’t remember if I have taken them or not (my mental health and possibly the meds affect my memory). Can anyone suggest some foolproof solutions so I will: Take my meds everyday. Reorder in time. I have set a new reminder on my phone and written in my diary to reorder based on when my meds are due to run out. I could start putting a letter in my diary too to indicate I have taken my pill for that day.
  16. Hi all. I posted my story a while back, it really is a messed up situation. I am not posting again regarding my ex or my kids but about me. So we are 5 months on from the end of my 20yr relationship, married 13yr. NOTHING HAS CHANGED!!! I think about her constantly, it is consuming me. I am close to losing my job due to concentration levels. I work nights and can go without sleep in between shifts. As of now I have been awake since Thursday afternoon. I am down to 69kg in weight although I have made an effort to eat 3 meals a day this week. I went to the docs last week and he gave me pills. My anxiety levels are astronomical, when I do sleep I wake up soaking wet. He said I am severely depressed but the pills have had no effect, I am due to go back next week and also have counselling booked. Besides that I guess I just wanted to share my feelings. I am 34yr old and she is pretty much all I've ever known. I love this woman dearly. We grew up together and experienced so much that it is extremely difficult to just switch off. I'm going to be honest, she has destroyed me. I cant lie anymore, it is fact. Its a battle of heart vs mind, read my story, she is no good for me. She is a liar and a cheat and has emotionally abused me. The facts, the evidence are right in front of me so why cant I let go? I cannot understand my emotions, why am I not angry at her? Why? I don't know how I feel, sad I guess but I don't understand why I show no hatred towards her given the fact that she has so much anger towards me. I found out a few days ago that she has fabricated things to make me look like a monster. Pure lies, I thought I knew her but I have no idea who she is anymore or where she has gone. Why can I not just use all of this evidence as a springboard to a new life? I am so confused its unreal. I just want to move on and be happy. I haven't spoken to her in 2 months and not seen her for a little longer than that. I miss her terribly, I cant describe it, well actually I can. When I think about my late mother I feel an extreme sadness that I have to quickly think about something else immediately for it to go away. With my ex, I cant stop thinking about and experiencing that sadness. I thought getting validation from family members who believed everything she said would move me on, I have gotten that this week due to what's gone on but I feel nothing. I am lost and I don't know what to do, I don't want to feel like this anymore but I don't see a solution. Is this normal? Suggestions please.
  17. I come from a family where my mom weighed 98 pounds when she got married and a sister who had thyroid cancer and because of the medication it is very difficult for her to stay thin. I have never been heavy. At my peak I was 5'2" and 133 pounds. Today I am 5'3" and 120 pounds. I LOVE to run and it is my favorite passtime. But IO just like many people get so offended when I am called fat. I have never been called fat if it wasn't a joke, however it still bothers me so much. I mean the top thing on my mind until something else comes along and worries me more. I do wish I could be thinner although I am told it would look gross if I were. it is so frusterating to feel this way. I feel like my mind is suffering the thoughts of an "eating disorder." I don't want to feel this way. I can't help but think the people that tell me I am thin and to stop worrying are lying, or just feel that is their duty as a family member, friend, boyfriend, you name it. I hate this.
  18. Every month at this time I am on my last week of BC pills and I feel sad and start overanalyzing things and being extra pessimistic and I hate everyone! what do I do
  19. link removed this is a really good article in this week's Savage Love. he has good information on all those so called "penis enlargement pills and surgeries." one word: DON'T!!!
  20. Has anyone used a diet pill that has been effective and safe?
  21. A little intro...my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months or so...crazy about each other -get along great, practically live together. No huge problems thus far. He's the kind of guy who is very cool, laid back, responsible but fun...in a thousand ways I am jealous of his relaxed and friendly personality, because me, whom used to be all of these things, in the last 2 years have spiraled into what I assume to be chronic depression...i've seeked help, i do have a medical condition (hypothyroidism), but medication has not helped...progressively becoming more anxious in social situations, and will for no reason burst into tears and have anxiety attacks...i have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day - they have been frequent lately.. I tried to avoid any contact with him today knowing I would either put him in a negative mood too or that I would get irrational and reject his attemps to make me feel better - but he tried to be sensitive, and after an afternoon of attempting to do "saturday errands" i ended up telling him I had to go home and by this point we had spoken about 10 words to each other, and he was depressed as ever. I hate it because I don't want to push him away, but I don't want to hurt him either - I honestly feel that somedays or evenings, I ruin everything..and I can't control it. Nights he's spent staying up till 5 in the morning with me because I couldn't stop crying for no reason...he's so sweet but he's getting sick of it because he can't understand and i can tell. I don't know what to do...I think I'm ruining my relationship...and unfortunately this has affected all of my relationships in life (friends/family) - i'm just not a very fun person anymore... ugh...can anyone relate?? and advice??
  22. I've been seeing commercials about b.c. pills that let you have fewer periods. Of course I got all excited and I went on [url=" I thought the site was very informative. They don't advertise specific brands of b.c. though. So I'm wondering if they're gearing us up for a revolution in birth control? What do you guys think about this? Also I have a question. On the site I read that it is perfectly normal and safe for women to take 3 straight months of hormones and THEN take the placebos in order to have fewer periods. (It shocked me when I read that periods aren't any heavier after doing this But I thought that this could only be done with a mono-phasic pill - one that doesn't have fluctuating amounts of hormones. However I think most pills out there are tri-phasic, right? I'm on Ortho Tri-Cyclen LO which is tri-phasic. Should I worry about trying this method of postponing my period? Is the monophasic/triphasic thing a bunch of hooey? The site sure didn't mention any difference. I'd like to hear your thoughts on all this.
  23. I'm planning my own suicide. I guess you could call it a final cry for help. This isn't just about attention. I've been mentally unstable for amonth. I take medication. I have no friends anymore, I've pushed them all away. My family doesn't care. They are too far away to care. I have no one, and I'm really going to do it. I don't know why. I thought I was getting better. But I'm not. And I don't want to suffer this pain anymore.
  24. It has been one of those days/weeks/months. Lately it has all beening adding up. It first comes as a joke "I need a vacation, wheres a gun so I can go send myself on one", something so simple, so innocent. Its enough to raise a eyebrow or two but everyone just laughs it off the same as a really bad joke because thats what you do when something makes you uncomfortable, you laugh. But then the joke starts coming more and more frequently and for more and more mundane things. You got a problem, doesn't matter what it is, you say the same joke over and over. I hate it. It just comes out, I don't even notice it till after it has been said and then you respond with that knee jerk reaction, did I just say that out loud. The ways of beating this feeling are not working as well as they use too. Exercise, movies, music, etc..... are all getting more and more unable to dissipate this somber mood. A aura of hate starts to surround you and makes it uncomfortable for even your closest friends and family to even be around you or interact with you which leads to even more isolation. But very recently this new pattern in my behavior has caused me a great deal of concern as I can see it visiblely what is happening to me and yet I am powerless to stop it. I try to improve the way I think about things, but it feels so fake when I do it. Getting professional help or medication is not a viable option at my present time. I am hoping that just typing this out will in some way help but not too sure.
  25. I have a question I've been trying to find an answer to, but since it's very circumstantial, I'm hoping someone here can help me out. Last night my boyfriend and I started fooling around. Before he put a condom on, we were rubbing our bodies together -- but I still had my underwear on. I could feel that he precummed on my inner thighs and on the outside of my underwear (not near the vaginal opening, but above the clit region). I told him to put on a condom, so he did, and then I took of my underwear. We continued fooling around, etc., with him rubbing his penis around my vaginal area. He never penetrated and kept the condom on the entire time, but my worry is that maybe when he was doing this, he moved the precum closer to my vagina. We stopped fooling around shortly thereafter, and I jumped into the shower and washed up down there. In the meantime, he finished himself off. Because I was worried, I felt the outside of the condom and it was dry (so perhaps it didn't move the precum?). Overall, I am a very safe person. Fortunately, I've been on Ortho Tricyclen Lo for about a year and a half to two years and am pretty regular. However, last night was the last day on my placebo (sugar pill) week when I have my period. Since mine usually ends early, I felt ok engaging in this activity. I've looked online to find out if you are still safe to engage in sexual activities during this week of inactive pills, and the general consensus is yes. But since this was the very LAST day on that week, I'm afraid maybe the hormones will have faded. As soon as I got home (within an hour), I started up my new pack of pills (and thereforeeee hormones). Am I just being overly paranoid or is there a risk of pregnancy? Thanks everyone.
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