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About Me

  1. I know that everyone is different and what may be forgivable to one may not be forgivable to the another, But I am curious what things do you think are forgivable (whether that forgiveness comes right away or takes time) or is just so bad that no time can mend the wound, I recently lost a friend, I lost her for basically two reasons I overdid it and sent two many messages and texts and she blocked me, That may or may not be unforgivable, What I do think is unforgivable however is what I did AFTER that I was desperate to move on but I just had to make sure she at least saw a letter I wrote so I opened up an old facebook I closed and posted it on her wall (I said nothing bad but that does not matter) and she and I no longer speak to me. I did walk up to her after 3 weeks of no talking and told her that I am sorry (Nothing else I was afraid I would take away from the apology and I said I know you never want to speak to me again and I will leave you alone.(The next day something weird happened because she smiled at me and I awkwardly smiled back but said nothing and I am going to keep my promise and leave her alone; BUT MY STORY WHICH I POSTED ELSEWHERE IS DONE I used what happened to me (Well more to the point what I did wrong) as an example of things that are forgivable and not forgivable. So What DO YOU think is forgivable and what is not? Have a great day
  2. Hi everyone. My ex (23 M) and I (21 F) have had serious issues in our relationship that never seemed to be making any progress and for that reason I dumped him and we have been broken up for over a month now. I have posted on this forum about our issues before, so little back story: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=561671 Tl;dr version: I hooked up with someone a few times during the “talking stage” with my ex. He found out a few months later when we became a couple and has verbally/emotionally abused me for more than half a year over the same issue. Fast forward to now, we are still broken up but have kept contact and remained friends since we have a 4 hour long class together at school and are in the same lab group. He has been trying for a month to get back with me and has taken steps to change. In the first few weeks there were A LOT of begging, pleading, telling me he needs me, blowing up my phone with apologies, waiting outside my house for me to come out and talk to him, leaving voicemails of him crying and apologizing...he has now stopped most of this behavior after starting therapy which I am very proud of him for doing. I’ve just been having a really hard time dealing with all of this and my feelings for him. I don’t miss him terribly. I still love him, just not as much as I did before. Some days I want to take him back and other days I don’t. I don’t know if I miss him or just the familiarity of our relationship. I know a lot of advice columns online talk about narcissistic abusers, or those who are ill-willed and manipulate to gain control and power over the victim. But I don't believe my ex is like that... and this is making me second guess. I think he is just an emotionally troubled guy with insecurities and a rough childhood. His dad is an alcoholic and can be abusive when intoxicated. He really wants me to give him one last chance chance to show me that he’s changed, that he’s trying, that things will be different this time because he got to experience what it’s like to really lose me (I was unresponsive and unreachable for a while, also started seeing other people and he knows this). He’s expressed a lot of remorse and told me he’s very ashamed over how he treated me. He told me his issue was that he didn’t know how to forgive and that his therapist gave him a worksheet to fill out that helped him immensely, but I don’t know... Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.
  3. Me and my bf have been together for 5 years. He is a reay great guy and loves me a lot.He cheated on me once with my close friend where they exchanged texts for a few months... But he felt v.guilty came clean to me... After lots of fights and time... I forgave him... Its been 4 years now and he has always been extremely truthful and goes out of the way to make me happy... But two days ago he has a beer. He promised he will never consume alcohol and even if he did,he would tell me...He dint tell me and told mr only because he got sick. I feel so betrayed again... He said he was forced to take at his work... I m v.scared and hurt that he lied to me. He says he has been building the courage to tell me for 2 days.But it really makes me sad and i love him so much and i know he regrets it. but i m finding it hard to accept it. What to do?
  4. hello, i'm [21] and she's [23] We've been dating for 3 years, we've always loved each other and been happy together. My gf however has depression and struggles with insecurity, low self-esteem. I try to be as positive as I can when I'm around her. ​ Recently she got a fulltime job and is training away for 2 months. The first 3 weeks she kept telling me she's lonely and isn't making any friends and during that time I tried my best to talk to her constantly through text, calls, etc... ​ On the 4th week suddenly she made new friends and started texting me significantly less (We text each other lots throughout the day typically). Throughout the week I tried my best to reach out to her and express the fact that communication suddenly went down the drain between us. Despite this I wasn't getting a lot of responses. During that weekend, I threw a tantrum and wanted a "break" which is very childish of me, I admit I shouldn't have done it. All I wanted was clear communication and I couldn't get it after a week of trying which is why I did it. Everytime I reached out she would say its because she's busy and always go out with her new friends/coworkers. To my knowledge she goes out and drink almost everyday during this time. We usually call each other every night before sleeping and now I don't even get that plus any text. The times she'd pick up my phone she'd be with friends either at a bar drunk out of her mind, or in a room with her 2 guy friends that she doesn't even tell me anything about. She insists on letting her be so she can grow herself withint the next 2 months and she promise when she gets back it'll be better. ​ The morning after I called her and and we started talking and I get to state my side of the story and asked for reasons why communication suddenly got super sucky and asked for us to get back. We finally had our clear talk. Her reasoning for all of this was that she's busy and has no time for me. According to her friends, she needs to be on her own so she can grow and fix her insecurity and what not. As we got talking I found out she's been smoking cigs and weed + drinking almost everynight, and because she doesn't want me to scold her she decided to hide them all from me. I felt like it was a huge blow and got kinda mad and went away for 5 minutes. Finding out she hide things from me is a big no no, but then smoking blunts here and there isn't a big deal to me so I let it go. Still felt kinda ty that she hid things from me. Through all of this all I wanted was like some assurance that communication will be improved and what not but she kept insisting that she wants to be on her own for 2 months so our relationship can be better. ??? ​ She apologized for communication issues and I apologized for throwing a tantrum. I was promised a 10 mins call every day at least, she we can update each other on what we're on but things are still bumpy. Since then its been 3 days, 2 of those days when I got the promised 10 minutes were when she's in public/with her friends and she always have a ty mood talking to me, saying things like "oh yea im just so busy and tired, dont wanna be too focused on phone when i'm w my friends" and i'd end the call within 5 minutes because why the would I stay in a call when you can't even put all your attention on me as promised. Basically communication is better, still significantly different from before though. ​ I've also addressed that I'd want her to stop smoking and drinking everynight to the point where I rarely even get her presence when she's sober, but she kept saying like it's okay, it's fun, it helps me through the stress and all that. As farr as I know she's also puked a couple of times last week from drinking too much already. ​ Should I end things here? From the fact that she hid things from me, continues to engage in self-destructive behavior, refusing to listen to anything I say. I can provide more infos if needed. What's your take?
  5. Im already dead I cant breathe within My lungs collapse, and I fall out I promise you But I could never hold without You said it would never end Life within is a matter of betrayal Its when you figure out that your soul has die That your depression fades from the lie You don't care You don't mind When you fail Its just another damn day So let me die on my own terms I don't care its just for fun Let the blood run.. Im already dead
  6. Hello. I have a new situation. This past week I spent four valuable days riding accross the U.S. on Amtrak. There was a bit of fate involved here...I was on a train I was not scheduled to ride, but my first train was delayed due to a tunnel fire. So I scrambled to catch a train in Sacramento, California. On board, I met a group of people also travelling out East. One by one, we all departed at various stops, but one of the group was with me until Syracuse, New York. He was a handsome, outgoing young man who was journeying home after being in California for a week. We didn't speak until Chicago, when we found out we were being transferred to the same train. We talked while we were waiting, and he seemed quite attentive to me,which brightened my day. When we finally boarded, we discovered we had to ride in separate cars due to our differing destinations. As I was herded away, he called out to me, "Meet me in the lounge!" An hour later I went to the lounge and found he had just arrived there,looking for me. We got some food and continued talking. Hours passed and we did not move from our seats. The attendant for my car saw our developing bond and gave us permission to sit in the lounge for the rest of our trip. All night we talked and laughed. My new friend begged me to get off the train with him in Syracuse. In fact, he asked me all night to come with him, but I had to refuse because I had set plans I couldn't break. He was very disappointed, but made me promise to visit him in Syracuse on my way back,which will be on the 29th. It is a crazy event for me,and I am not sure how he climbed into my heart, but he did. He let me sleep in his arms, and his embrace was a light, warm place....He told me this was love at first sight for him,that I was completely unique, that he wanted for me to "be his girl." He marvelled over how much we had in common, and told me he found me intelligent and alluring. I know it all seems so silly and unrealisitc, but I cannot help keeping him on my mind,wondering why he has not called. He told me he would call me last night to see if I arrived, but he did not. Again, my heart is on my sleeve. I was very cautious and did not reveal too much of my heart to him, but I wonder why he has not attempted to contact me. The entire time I was with him I scrutinized his actions to determine if he was being sincere. Maybe he was not, and I was just a few hours of diversion for him. Is this why he has not called? Perhaps men would rather enjoy a woman's company for a brief time, and just find relaxtion and pleasure in flirting heavily with a new girl? I do not know. He litterally pleaded all night for me to deboard the train and come with him. Just a ploy? He made me solemnly promise to visit him on my way back, and asked me to call him. Should I? I have been told that if a woman calls, a man quickly loses interest because there is no more challenge. I would like to call him (I feel in the mood for a romantic adventure, and this man has struck a chord in my being) but is this not advisable? I am always checking my phone in hopes that I will see he has called. Dear me, I am such a hopeless romantic. I need advice desperately...a man's point of view would help me greatly.
  7. This will probably sound like just another general long-distance relationship, but i figured I might as well get an opinion other than my own on this situation. About a year ago, I went on vacation (a cruise to be precise) and met a few new people, one of which was a girl. On the cruise nothing special happened but we became friends. We talked online and on the phone for about 6 months after that and soon began to realize that we had a definite connection between the two of us. Eventually I told her that i liked her alot (yes in that way) and coincidentally she did the same with me. There was one problem, she lives about 12 hours away (driving distance) from me. We continued our relationship in a very simple manner: never forgetting the way we felt about each other, but at the same time not getting too carried away about it in the even that we didnt see each other. Recently, she and I both turned 16, but in her area she was able to get her liscence for driving, wheras I was only able to get my permit. Now that we can drive, she and I have promised to come see each other at some point. A few nights ago though, we talked about her coming out here to see each other sometime. She offered to come out the next day, but unfortunately her parents aren't too keen on her driving that long and far yet. I accepted it and told her not to worry, we will see each other soon at some point. Unfortunately though, my anticipation to see her (and hers as she's told me) has grown much more than usual. I realize it is only natural, but it is very hard to deal with especially when I know she won't be here tomorrow or something. Does anyone have any suggestions of things to do at all (beyond just thinking about something else) that might help me not worry so much about this? Has anyone else been through anything like this that could give me a few ideas?
  8. Hi everyone. I'm new to this forums. I've hung around for a while and I like the good advice given by everyone... Ok, here's my problem: I'm a tenth grader (will start 10th grade in a couple of weeks...). I've never been in a real relationship (the only other girl I've been "involved" with was more like a brother/sister relationship...) I met this gorgeous girl in 9th grade... I've never seen any other girl as beautiful as her... Ok, I moved to a place 3 hours away, and decided to ask her email. We've spoken a couple of times and everything seemed to be going great. Until when she stated that I should forget her because she thinks I'll never see her. I've never met anyone who is as nice (I think...) and beautiful as her... Well, the question is: Should I start an LDR with her? I mean, I'd try to see her at least 2-3 times a month (except when there's holidays, when I'd go see her immediately...). Besides, it'd just be for a year... but you see, that's the good side... the bad side is that I don't want her to feel lonely... I don't think she would cheat on me, but if she did, I think I would understand (I wouldn't cheat on her, but it's because I'm used to being lonely, but I don't think she is...). So, does anyone think it's worth it? I'd like to promise her I will see her at least 2-3 times each month, but if there are any significant setbacks, then I think I can't promise such a thing... I've fallen for her, and no other girl I've met has made me feel like her... So, do you think it's worth it? If so, could you give me any tips on keeping the LDR alive for 1 year? If she really thinks I would never see her, she's very very wrong... Just, what are my options?
  9. I have been in a very serious relationship for 10 months. A boy that Iused to have a huge crush on suddenly started asking me out and stuff. One day when we were alone, I kissed him. I told my boyfriend because one of our promises was to always be honest to each other no matter what. He forgave me and told me that we were going to put it behind us. Then one night when I was sleeping over my friends house, she had her boyfriend there and her brother was there. (Her brother is the boy that I was messing with.) We ended up having sex that night. I was so mad and sad b/c no one stopped me and i was just so caught up in the moment. I told my boyfriend and he broke up with me. He says that he still loves me but he cant be with me right now b/c he dosent trust me anymore. I am so torn and I wish this never happened. Please help me get the love of my life's trust back so we can be happy again. I promise I will never cheat on him again.
  10. hey , its me again. and things havent improved much since the last time i posted. My ex-gf is still the same, and im still suffering from that. I try not to show it sometimes, but it gets back at me everytime. I dont get it , its like everything was gone in an instant, all those promises, all her words... it just hurts me . And the worst thing is , i cant run away from it... im just crying inside (sometimes outside too) heh,,, should have known better. Now theres my friends, when i thought they were there for me , then Boom! They are not talking to me. Its because a couple of my friends started a stupid joke to my ex-gf (another 1),we broke off last year, about me betting to be with her, which totally wasnt true. She's acting all stupid now and not talking to me. Not only that , she goes around telling other ppl of wat i supposedly done.And they are doing the same to me ! not talking to me? Yea, accused of something i didnt do.I sent a message to the 2 of my friends, and things got out of hand. Stupid, i know. But things arent gonna improve. I dunno , maybe coz teenagers at my age can be silly sometimes? I just dont understand how they could start something like this . The following day she comes to me and starts telling me all sort of bull, and watever i said doesnt get in her head. Im just sad, angry,frustrated,annoyed.... name any bad feeling, i got it . Friends and a girl got me hurt real bad. Dont have much of a life right now , dont know how to fix it. We live in a small community by the way , its like everyone knows everybody else. HARD.... i wasnt a loner, i was a cheerful guy, surrounded by friends all the time... it seems that im going the opposite direction now... Im starting to realise how silly things can happen to me , which i thought wouldnt happen. I guess thats how it goes. If it werent for my parents for being there for me , i dont know what would have happened to me. Ive got no one else. More of venting rather than seeking advice, just wondering tho anyone got ideas about this. I seriously need help... thx
  11. found out my ex was seeing someone at the end of our 5 yr relationship, they are now together. Now the problem is I was doing so well to get over it I am now three months down the line have a really good life and can see that I am better off without him. BUT when we broke up he promised there was no one else 'he wouldn't do that to me' he also said he wanted to be single. Well in the last couple of weeks, I keep bumping into friends of ours/his (I haven't changed were I am going I think they have) they keep dripping small amounts of info out to me. I don't know what is true or not but I know it is bringing me down in a big way, I have asked them not to tell me but when you have had a few drinks you cant help it. I have lost all respect for him and although I don't feel upset about him being with her (I have seen them together and was even polite enough to go over and ask how they both are) I have a lot of unanswered questions which keep going round in my head. I would like to give him a call not to lecture or discuss us, but just to ask him to tell his friends to leave me alone and confirm what is true. Is this a bad idea? I have argued both sides with myself. If I see him, how do I know its the truth but on the other hand he has nothing to gain by lying anymore. I really want to just forget but I cant, I know it is none of my business what he does anymore. I would just like to know why it ended to give me full closure. Any advise is greatly appreciated!!!
  12. My ex broke up with me 3 months ago after a five year relationship. Even at the end the relationship it seemed fine and we left each other on good terms (as good as it could be). We have had NC for 3 months which made it a lot easier. Well I thought my ex was a nice guy someone very special to me. I now find out at the end of our relationship he met someone else and even though he didn't do anything whilst we were together, they have now been in a relationship for 3 months!! He broke up with me to be single and promised there was no one else his words were...'it would be easier if there was someone else but I promise there isn't Why lie? I don't understand now after doing so well in getting back to being me, I find myself with all these un answered questions AAARGGGHHH!! Now next thing that has ruined my faith in men, in the mean time I met this really great guy, and last night I find out he has a GF!!! again why lie, I asked him and he said he wasn't with anyone, he actually lives with her!!! Oh and one more thing (im sure there are plenty more)...my best friend found out 2 weeks ago, her BF has been cheating on her since feb! I am a nice person why do I deserve this? maybe I am too nice!!
  13. sensual, mystical girl your memory lingers in the embroidered fabric of dreams passionate images, warming words of love i awoke from death only to fall back asleep after a brief spell of ecstasy peculiar how a twist of fate brought us together: a simple exchange of words and advice, a short question leading to camaraderie among us a lost soul reaches out and opens trusting judgement and emotion like never before countless evenings exchanging thoughts and hope impatiently awaiting for replies i could not have imagined the hold of your incredible powers i was sure we would never part the vision of what could be, what should be growing and reaching towards the sun a second chance at what i had lost years prior a decade of struggle, words on paper, dreaming in black the realization of never again experiencing what i had wanted so badly caught again in between raindrops, footsteps merging at the fork in the road a delicate struggle to hold on forever tainted by truth once again, forever divided by miscalculation promises of obligations betrayed by smiling green eyes endless memories of bliss wiped away by the foolish movement of hands i dare to light the candle to forever carry in my heart the eternal thought of what could have been our dream together-love, free, proud and pure... i wish you would have meant it.
  14. My Soul Waits Cast down your imagination upon the foothills of tomorrow A day will come when our tears will dry, and there will be no sorrow Reveries of your embrace lingers in my senses The shine of your warm eyes leaving me breathless My faith remains within His divine grace My soul waits til I reach for your hand in our infinite place Whisper softly to my ear the wonders of heaven I will soar to you with my wings anew while the lost is all forgotten My soul waits to find you, yearning but not searching A dream is more than a dream when you feel your heart aching You are created, crafted, perfected in every form Pure as a summer sunset, your strength like the lightning in a storm The wolf hunted me down, put me on a pedestal and made me his woman Caught by his claws, ravaged, raped, unwittingly, completely outdone Left to wither six feet under wondering where the splendour went by But throughout the starless night my Lord heard me bellow and cry O my faithful One, why all the shattered dreams and lies? Where did the doves fly behind the veil from my eyes Out of sight that was never out of mind Only tiny clicks of nail sized faces and simple pleasantry survive Can this be real, can this be true My faithful One... redeem me from this wretched view I yielded to the currents of uncertainty taking me astray The boy giveth everything and then he taketh all away My soul waits to hold you, in His total mandate The night will turn into day, a new dawn never hesitates My tarnished discretion over my days and nights Opened my heart and I surrender without a fight My purity is my gift as the moonlight wrap your precious sleep This is my promise to you that I intend to keep I am broken down and made brand new My soul waits for you... will you wait for me too?
  15. This is a bit different to my usual poetry, as mine usually tends to have some sort of rhyme to it.. but please, criticise away! Resurrection I once made a promise to myself Never to be taken away From the solitude of my singledom Forged in my stone cold heart. The bubble I created to protect me Couldn’t shield me from everything I grew cold and lonely My life became unbearable. I would cry at night Hoping I could find the one The one person I would share The rest of my life with. I found this in you. You unlocked my heart With a key of warmth and love With laughter and affection And the chains fell away. You made me feel safe In a way I have never felt You have shown me A different kind of love. And though I still cry at night It is tears of joy rather than sadness At my fortune of having found A gem so precious and rare. You resurrected me.
  16. Hey guys, first of all, just like to say hi to everyone who takes the time to read my post, as i'm new to these forums Ok heres my story. I've known my ex-girlfriend who i've just recently broken up with for a few years now (since high school) and we were out drinking with a big group of friends (we are in the same circle of friends) and ended up hooking up one night. We havent always been the closest of friends but always had an awesome time hanging out with each other or when we bumped into each other out and about it was always good. But yeah we hooked up 8 months ago, and a couple of weeks later were officially going out. even though 8 months may not seem like a long time to some people, ive had a fair few girlfriends in the past and have never felt like this about anyone before. We had minor disagreements in this time, nothing ever major at all, we just had different opinions on some things. But everything was great. During the early stages of our relationship (btw we are both 20), she was telling me how lucky she felt and just how happy I made her feel about herself and so many other things i made her feel that she never thought possible. To fill you in a bit she's never had an official 'boyfriend' as such but has been with a fair few guys but never for long at all. This is because every single one of them had either treated her bad, and to sum it up quite simply were just not nice guys at all. I have a letter on me she wrote me a few months back i'll just quote some of the things she said. "ive never been out with someone who is as nice to me as you are. it was easy to be the nice one in the relationships all the other times, so i never hurt them, then i didnt feel as bad ending it. being with dud guys was a good way for me to avoid commitment, but now ive bagged myself a good one and cant see a reason to throw it away". She has told me a few other times she feels bad being in a relationship with me because she cant promise we'll be together forever. But the way i figure after thinking a whole lot about things is, who can promise anything like that? Not a single one of us can promise something like that as we will never know what the future holds. Hope you are following this all still so far. Just the other week we were on the phone and for like the last couple of weeks she'd been fairly down. Her and her housemate had been having alot of arguments, things at her work werent going that great and was also having some issues with her family at the time. During this time, i'd be over her unit and seen sides of her, i'd never seen before. Things like her getting angry or being upset for no reason at all. Sort of like she was trying to create problems from nothing. I just put this down to her current situation of being upset about a whole lot of things. Like i was saying, we were on the phone one night and she was just saying how she was feeling and how everything seemed to be going not so great lately. Basically, by the end of this 3hr phone call we were no longer an item. I couldnt even sleep that night, thoughts were just racing through my mind, wondering just what the hell had happened, and pretty much just not believing what had happened. The reason she gave me for splitting up is because she's scared of the person she's becoming. Like, things i'm making her feel were overwhelming and because she hasn't got a gut feeling or know for sure that we'll be together forever, isnt quite sure she'd take the risk of getting hurt / hurting each other further down the track because she loves me so much. We tried the no contact thing for a while but its still hard in our situation because we are pretty much in the same circle of friends. The last few times i've been over her unit, like had tea with her and her housemate, its all fine at first and stuff but we've ended up kissing,everythign like we used to when we were going out. Then we talked about it seriously one day and she's like we are still going to see each other around because we have all the same friends and stuff but then she goes we cant kiss, tell each other we love each other, anything like that at all. (Finish this post shortly, have to do something)
  17. Hi, as you can kinda tell from my nickname I am quite a shy guy. I have been attracted to this girl for a while and at the very least, we consider ourselves acquaintences. The more I see her, the more I learn about her, I can't help but feel more impressed and more attracted to her. Sometimes I imagine myself holding on to her and never letting go, but I am extremely shy about touching her (the only time we ever touched is when we shook hands on our second meeting). This girl, I am greatly attracted to her personality and intelligence. Top of her school in high school, she plays the piano just like me (my guess is that she can play much better than me), high average marks at uni, excellent at writing, excellent public speaker..etc. She has many qualities that I should have had if I had a greater amount of self-confidence from a young age. Around her, I find myself more confident, generally in a good mood..etc. When I am not around her, I find myself looking closely at my own life and wishing I could do a lot more for myself. For a while now, I feel I need to improve myself, to help my family and to help myself for my own future, but somewhat complacent. Living in an asian family were I am trained to have a deep respect for our parents, I find myself for years blindly following their orders/beliefs, always suppressing my anger, depression, frustration and finding that I am not getting anywhere. If I am going to improve myself, I need a positive role model, and I find this girl I like almost like a catalyst for my wish to improve myself. I feel that she has done so much for me that I wish I could do just as much for her. I really like her, I wish we could be more than just friends, but I don't want want to ruin our friendship. She has helped me much, and small things that I say to her like "I wish I had grades like this" I consider like a promise to her and to myself (she probably didn't think much of this at the time). The last thing I want is to ruin our friendship, if it does go to ruin, I would feel shattered, lose a great deal of self-confidence and lose much of my motivation to improve myself. I need to develop some long terms goals, but don't know where to start. Maybe I'll start with smaller goals first. Alright, here are some short term goals: 1. I'll take up playing the piano again. 2. Lose some weight 3. Build up some confidence (I know, this one might be a bit harder than goals 1 to 3. 4. Get good marks in this semester 5.Get my first job after this semester 6. Give up computer games (not a problem, gave it up roughly same time I met her) 7. Make new friends or catch up with old friends 8. Try to keep up appearances with this girl (I am not going to see her much after the semester is finished) By putting my goals down, I feel that my goals have somewhat become more concrete, instead promises I half-heartedly make to myself from time to time. This forum is great for this kind of stuff and I have been venting much of my thoughts here and find myself less worried and depressed in general.
  18. My Last Promise There's something I should maybe say Before I turn And walk away You could have had it all I would have been there for you When I made my promises I meant to see them through I wanted us to work out That's something you should know And while everyone else enjoys leaving I didn't want to go But now it's come to this And I know it has to be this way There's so much I mean to tell you But so little I will say And I just wanted you to know Before I turn And let you go I loved loving you And I loved you loving me But I'll love you from a distance If that's how it has to be I suppose we'll likely meet again Another time A different place And maybe then I'll once more be the one To fill that empty space And I promise you I'll be there Yeah I promise I won't lose hope But let me love you at a distance Until I can learn to cope Best friends right now is too hard a concept To really comprehend And all of these plastic smiles They all are just pretend But I'll still love you Don't bother asking that Cuz I still need you And I still want you back Though I'll tell you I'm all right So you know that I'm okay You know I'd prove this promise true Any given day
  19. I've been reading a few posts here about 'no contact', I've decided this is going to be the best thing for me. I recently broke up with my long term girlfriend and returned all her belongings from hair claps to cardigans and the gifts she bought me. Along with it, I put the following letter. It kinda sums up the ay I feel just now... that I'm deeply in love with her but I know I couldn't have her back. Staying in contact would only make me feel worse. Anyway here goes: Dear L, I write this at 8am, Tuesday after another sleepless night. It's been over a week since I last slept a full night and even longer since I last ate properly. You're in my thoughts 24 hours a day and I really don't know how I'm going to cope. I'm ill at the thought of losing you but I guess it will just take time and I have to move on. I've just never felt like this for anyone before. When you said we'd be together forever, I thought you meant it, I thought you were serious. I honestly thought you were the person I was going to marry. Everything I've been thinking the last few days is written on the cards so I guess I don't need to repeat myself. But the last two weeks have really destroyed me. I tried to prepare myself for the worst as I had a feeling this was going to happen. But when you said on Thursday you'd give it time and that you loved me, it gave me fresh hope, false hope, that I'd get you back. I really feel like I need you in my life. I'd built everything around you and it's going to be hard restructuring my life. It's as though none of this even matters to you. You've just chucked me out and took him right in my place. As if you never even cared in the first place and that hurts me more than anything. After everything that's happened though, I don't think I could remain friends with you. I know we promised. But we made lots of promises and you broke every one. I hope you can understand that. I love you so much, more than anything in the world and that will never change and I'm really going to miss you, but it's the way it has to be. It's the way you chose it to be. Love always S x I think this is for the best and I will do this.
  20. And I really thought she was the one. After 6 months of friendship we started what looked to be an eternal relationship. We made promises that we'd be together forever and we shared everything and talked about anything. Or so I thought. Over the past fortnight, and maybe longer, she's been meeting a guy we were both friendly with. She'd started college and as she didn't know anyone, I gave her my blessing to meet him. I trusted her with my life and I really didn't think anything could happen. Then she continued to meet him, going to the cinema and such like and I started to take a dislike. It seemed she'd rather be with him than me. So, after a fall out last Friday, we talked and slept together and I told her how I felt etc, that it was hurting me when she was with him and that I didn't want her to see him. She promised she wouldn't. The first 3 days this week she was with him from after college until late at night. The thought of them being together has really torn me apart and it had to end. But now I don't know what to do, I feel so low and she's messed my head up. She keeps texting me saying she loves me, that she'll never love anyone like this and then saying she doesn't know what she wants. I asked her, that if this was the case, to take some time and decide what she wanted but yesterday she took this other guy to her mother's wedding - in my place. It's hard to explain how I'm feeling just now though, it's a difficult time and I really can't handle this. Several thoughts have crossed my mind, ending my life being one, because I dont think I can go on without her. I feel like I need her in my life and I just feel so empty without her. But I know I can't have her back, I know I can't trust her again and I know it wouldn't work. It seems like she's already made her mind up anyway. I don't really know what brought me to this forum but I guess I just need some advice. It's probably not the first post like this and I doubt it will be the last. Thanks for listening.
  21. It's been 4 months since we broke up (and since we've spoken to each other), 7 months since we've seen each other (and since this pain started), and I still have no idea how to get over her. Sure, I think about other girls sometimes now, I try to force myself to do that. It still seems wrong, sometimes. And I was doing better for a while, but now, I don't know what happened... I was in Boston today, feeling completely hopeless and alone, projecting my pain onto everyone else in the city, experiencing my surroundings as a blur, as though I were on the pain-inducing equivalent of laughing gas. I bet someone could write a great book if only they knew my current state of mind, I thought. I was Holden Caulfield mumbling into the air curses that no one heard. I semi-seriously considered jumping in front of traffic, or convincing a police officer to shoot me... and I am not suicidal. I don't know what it is. I just feel so screwed up. As screwed up as I felt when we first broke up. I feel that love is beautiful and powerful beyond expression... I feel that love makes all possibilities real.... yet, I am so disillusioned by love. She was my soulmate, I knew, with a feeling that went beyond certainty.......... so how am I ever to trust or believe again? It's because I care so much, isn't it? It's because I would give my life to make this one person's life a little happier. Because I had so much love to give, and now I've given everything I could... because I promised her that I could never do anything but love her, and I really meant it, despite my screwing up so horribly. Because I knew I would love her forever, and I believed she would love me, too... and now I am keeping my promise, and must keep it, to my misery and detriment. If I stopped loving her, I don't think I'd be worth loving... and intellectually, I know better. I'd stop loving her, if I only know how, but I just don't. I am a hopeless romantic. I still believe in fairy tales, and I couldn't be anything else... yet, I guess it's more accurate to say... I can't believe in fairy tales, but it's even more impossible not to believe in them... I'm in flux. There's nowhere for me to go. I am not me, if not a romantic. I am not me, if not an idealist.
  22. i ve been with my boyfrnd for 4 yrs since 2 yrs i ve been fighting everyday.. he is in huge debt and he promised he will resolve them in a yr or so but its taking em so long i cant wait to be with him. we love each other.. he is giving his work all the time and am feeling alone.. am arguing in every topic and tiny issue.. what to do to stop my anger
  23. Staring out over the hill past the people, trees and sounds Remembering long conversations and warm happiness I once found. The library and past behind me and the horizon and future lying ahead Everything that once was wonderful is now cast aside and dead The telephone ringing fills my body with hope and undying pain Knowing it won't be your number on the screen, it just isn't the same Waking up in the morning missing the laughter and sound of your voice Knowing that all this hurt and emptiness was caused by your choice The people on the phone smile the way I once did Sharing stories, warmth and giddiness like high school kids Butterflies fly past my head, they have forever left my tummy Missing the feelings you gave me that made me always so sunny Remembering the fun we had and all the promises that were spoken Knowing the ones that meant the most are now in pieces and broken Thinking of what life could have been like if we had kept in touch The life would have been the fantasy I needed, so very much Staring out over the campus as the telephone rings away Knowing the screen won't ever read, "Your dreams come true today." Justagirl I always have too much time to think while doing my homework in the car between classes...but I suppose it is a good thing
  24. I think my BF is losing interest in me. He says he's not. Claims to take our relationship seriously. But then why does he never call or IM me anymore like he used to? And when I call him he's ready to get off the phone after only 5 - 15 minutes where we used to talk for hours. It's not like we get to see each other every day. I'm lucky to see him once or twice a month due to his job. I know he's got a lot going on right now. But I'm at a loss here. He keeps promising things will get better, but so far they're only getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I believe him and ride it out till he gets things he's got to get done, done? Or should I break it off with him and tell him to give me a call when he's ready to take our relationship seriously??
  25. I just need to vent. I have just given up on a guy that I thought was super promising. But after two months of barely hearing and seeing him. I reached out for the last time this week and he has yet to respond. I am so tired of failing at love. I'm not even that picky. You just gotta be male, smart, funny and caring. Is that too much to ask? I am just so frustrated and sad and fed up!!! Why does it never seem to work for me? Maybe I should stop picking smart guys, although I thrive on mental challenge. What's the key? I've read tons of books about what to do, but nothing seems to work for me. I'm just so down. I don't know what to do anymore.
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