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About Me

  1. 2019 wasn't the best of my life, alone and at peace today, doing my own stuff for quite some months. This is a 6 months update on how am coping with anxiety, getting things right with my life. A relationship which i felt was going to be best for me & her turned out to be a very bad mistake. It was a never to be a relationship in the end, something i really shouldn't have put myself into without verifying facts and knowing well the person am getting involved with. Boundaries were crossed, i lost respect for myself in the end. While getting through it i started developing lot of se
  2. Hello! Really need some advice on this! I am 29 and have been in 4 physically abusive relationships. In fact the last one tried to kill me. This was 3 years ago and I have been single ever since. I taught myself how to self love and work on ME! I am probably partially afraid to get back into dating because of my past as well. So about 6 months ago a guy comes into my life. I have known him for 10 years but we never got close like this before. He lives across the country and came out to visit me for a week. It was a very nice visit and the plan ended up being that he would move in w
  3. Chronic illness is like thief that comes in the night. It steals from you. It robs you of your friends, your job, your self worth, self esteem, your social life and leaves you feeling that IT has all the power and you have almost no control over your life anymore. I am a spiritual person and do alot of praying. I never thought I would find myself in this situation. For the first 50 years of my life, I was very healthy and active. I had a job, a great social life, a boyfriend, and life was wonderful. Then I woke up one day with a migraine that became so bad, I went to the emergency room. After
  4. Hi everyone…something I’ve been wondering FOR YEARS, and have never found a normal answer for it, therefore, I keep making the same mistakes- so I would love your input !! I’ve read a lot of cool (and rational) articles about dating and sometimes they emphasize the importance of letting your man know that he’s wonderful, amazing, thanking him for small things etc.. but then again, I end up feeling a little bit like a doormat (happened with a few guys)- my ex said that it seemed that I don’t have high self worth, I didn’t “inspire” him to be the best version of himself (and he was the insecure
  5. I was involved with this emotionally unavailable man/player for well over a year. I finally cut him off on New Years Day. I was so caught up in him for so long I was in denial to the fact that he never cared about me. He never wanted a relationship. He made me feel worthless. Every time I would tell him " I can't do this because you can't give me what I want" he would continue to do things to keep me on a string. Every time I attempted to tell him how I felt he would brush me off and call me miserable. He never did anything for me. The sexual part completely lacked real intimacy. No dates. Yet
  6. I'm alone now. I could settle, I could have meaningless sex with strangers, but I refuse to settle anymore. I felt love once; it was love that eventually died and turned to disgust; but the love I once felt was amazing. It was so amazing that I refuse to settle for anything less, I know what I deserve. I am finally learning to love myself. My ex would always tell me this; that I didn't love myself; but I always sense it was for malicious reasons to hurt me... Thinking about it though she was right. Being in that toxic relationship with her made me feel less than a man... It made me feel like I
  7. Hi everyone, I just wanted to say thank you for all your support and guidance, for me and for others. The advice I have received both directly and indirectly on here (in addition to help from my counsellor) has genuinely improved my quality of life a significant amount. I feel more certain of myself and make more healthy choices in my social life. Most importantly I have learnt to distinguish between negative traits/unhealthy behaviour and healthy positive and appropriate attention AND how to set my boundaries regarding what I will and won't accept in a relationship or even friendship.
  8. 2 months ago I was dealing with my break up and seeing my ex for what he was. Then when I was feeling strong, he reappeared with the whole "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, I'm going to give you everything you need" rubbish... Which of course I fell for... Needless to say, I'm back here again. So, really, the reason why I'm here is to say: 1: Yes, I'm an idiot and I should've known better. 2. To anyone considering going back to their ex - they've probably not changed and you should save your energy and your sanity. Find someone decent that deserves you and will love you. Failing that, lo
  9. Hi all. I'm here to ask for advice and encouragement on starting what is a slap in the face journey to self love. From a young age, likely in my teens, I always had the expectation and assumption that I would be happily married and children on the way by the time I was 30, as does every young girl. And guess what? I am in fact single at 30 having my first love last for one year, ending just last week. I made the difficult decision of leaving him because he did not want children. Ever. So that was my deal breaker. Surprisingly, I've already found peace with not being with him. However, the co
  10. I've been having some epiphanies about my life lately. In a way I think I needed to feel abandoned and replaced again to take a big look at myself and really understand some things for which I only had a small grasp of. I've been feeling unvaluable because I felt that almost every men left me and replaced me for someone else who ended up being the love of their life (long term relationship or marriage). I felt that I had some sort of curse. I was always feeling pain after attaching myself to someone. So I took a deep look at my behaviors and it hit me: - Yes, some of these guys weren't n
  11. so this is embarrassing to ask. I don't even know if this is in the right category. But I'm new here. So my apologies. I am an adult that lives with my parents. (I know.. I know..) I want to buy a sex toy. I have no stores in my area so I have to buy online. I know they are discreet, but I need an excuse when they want to know what's in the parcel. Especially if they pick it up. What can I say? or how to hide it?
  12. Today is my last post ( ). I had decided to post till 16th of November and I am glad I posted here daily. But the progress is nothing, nothing at all. I still miss him terribly, I still feel bad for the mistakes I had committed, which ultimately led/ forced him to break up with me. Even though I apologised and did everything I could to save the relationship, but I couldn't . I couldn't save the relationship. I know he's gone, I know he's not mine anymore, I know he's way too ahead now, I know I pushed him away. But I want to move on now, I want to live my life and stop crying. I do everyth
  13. Today makes day 2 of full no contact. Never would I imagine it would be so hard. I visited with my therapist today who graciously fit me into her schedule. She said taking some time to write out my thoughts each day would help with the anxiety and obsessive/negative thoughts. But only allow myself so much time each day and then say that's it. Each day spend a little less time. So I thought I would give it a try. I am going to start out by forgiving myself. I made a big mistake, and I have extreme guild and remorse. I can't change it now, and I can't wish things to be different. I have to a
  14. I have been dating this man for 2 years I was really horrible at first but when we almost broke up I realised how much he meant to me. I have lived all my life with people treating me like the secondary role in their lives. I hated everything when my grandmother died and I suffered a health issue and almost suicided and no body cared. I adapted to being the villan in people lives but then this man comes and change everything he believes in me and makes me the star of his life. He had given me a reason to love myself. I love him so much that I changed for him. I learned to show affection and b
  15. Hi all, although I am a regular on this site with my "When it gets dark.." thread, it has been a while since I have come here for advice. And I feel I should have done so a long while ago. In advance before I get into it, I know what you are thinking- "This girl is an idiot". And you would be right. But I'm helpless when it comes to spotting the signs of a bad relationship and I am pretty much incapable of loving myself enough to walk away. So I guess I'll start from the beginning... As some of you may have seen from my previous threads, the guy in question is "Mr Perfect". I know, I tho
  16. Recently ended a toxic relationship. I have made a personal goal not to date anyone or be in a relationship for at least 6 months, at the very very least! Ideally I would like to remain single for a year. It was a serious 3 year relationship that just ended a couple of months ago. I’ve had a couple of rebound one night stands since, it was good getting that out of my system, but definitely put me off dating because I forgot how cruel the dating world can be now days. I’m ok in my own company and spend most nights alone. Then I have moments of weakness where I yearn to be with someo
  17. The last year, I've been single and I'm happy and in a healthier place then I was before. I started getting myself in hobby's like couponing. It surprisingly takes my mind off of things and makes me happy because I'm saving money, lol. However, there are times I feel lonely. I want to ask, how has anyone been able to overcome these feelings? I know it's part of being human , but I want to overcome it and not let it consume me. Any tips or advice is greatly appreciated! It's a new year and I just want to be the best version of myself. I feel like learning to love myself and embrace during thi
  18. How do you even start to find yourself and love yourself again? Just getting out of a 9 year relationship...to which he is already in a relationship and moved on with another woman. Literally like 2 weeks after our split. I'm trying to do things the right way and grieve before I bring another man into my life. ITS HARD. You naturally just yearn for the affection and really the validation of someone else. I have no prospects... lol but I know I don't need any for a while. Its only been two months, and even though you want to just move on into someone else's arms, its really not fair to yoursel
  19. my narc ex has been discarding me on and off for 2 years in October. The past month has been insanity with the times he ditches me and reels me back in. On Friday morning he texted me that “it didn’t have to end this way and we don’t have to hate or resent each other and it was on his mind all night” to which I said “I don’t hate or resent you. I’m just doing what need to be done in order to move on finally” (even tho he had just done this discard not me). He texted me saying “just know my heart hurts about all this. If you feel the need to reach out and email me something nasty just don’t...I
  20. Hi guys, I am a long time lurker but this is my first post asking for advise so please go easy on me ! Yesterday I given notice that I am going to be made redundant at the end of the month after 14+ years with my company. While I was expecting this to happen by the end of the year it has still come as a shock. I'm still waiting to find out what sort of a package I am going to be offered but I am really worrying now about having to find a new job. My confidence isn't the best and I'm not great at highlighting my skills (tend to dwell on what I can't do rather than what I can). I gues
  21. Hello, I do want to start by saying that I have been seeing a therapist for several months now to deal with my insecurity issues and inability for self love. I have been in a relationship with a really mentally healthy guy for 6 months now. I’m having a really hard time. I don’t express my wants, mainly because my wants are to see him every day and to have his attention all the time. So I become anxious and overwhelmed then I lash out and blow up. I become pushy and it pushes him away. It’s so easy to logically see that this is not normal behavior. That this behavior will definitely push an
  22. Hi guys. I'm not really sure if I want to post this or .. I got stuck in my own mind game. -.- So, help! Let's start from the beginning. I saw abused, mocked and bullied through 98% of my school days. I grew up in a very insecure guy, and of couse - bullying left his mark. I'm not even sure if I want to continue my life in any way. After a lot of rejection, I kinda gave up and then .. I met Her. We went out few times, and today she told me that she is in love with me. I told her that I'm not the guy she is in love with me, 'couse she is in love with her-version-of-me, and I'm not really t
  23. Long story short, he broke up with my 9 months ago. Told me he wanted time apart. This was 2 weeks after we had our first huge fight and told me he was done, but the very next day told me he was sorry and wanted a life with me. He dragged out the "time apart" for a month before I finally said "what's the deal". He said I'm confused, I don't know what I want, I could change my mind but I don't know and I don't want you to wait. 2 weeks later he had a new girlfriend. Needless to say I was devastated. This lead to begging and begging and embarrassing myself. Last contact was a month ago, bu
  24. Ol girl I've been talkin to for the last couple hitches is laying it on thick y'all. Last time we dated 9 years ago there was a lot of secrets, and she was kept her life in Fl and our relationship in two very different catagories. She'd come up to Alabama and see me for a week or so then go back to her normal life in FL, lots of questions left unanswered. But I got it, she was a high society socialite and I'm just a Redneck so I didn't push. It stung a little that she seemed to be ashamed of me. Back then I also had some pretty hardcore self worth issues. This time around its just like nig
  25. I read the books and the forums and they tell me to move on and live your life. How can I when you were my life. I view you as my soulmate and you view me as "repulsive". I walk around with a weight on my chest and spirit that blocks out any other thought. It's the only thing I feel, this grief is crushing me and there is no escape. I wrote my suicide notes, said goodbye to my dogs, filled the tub with warm water and got in. when it came time to open my veins I chickened out. Death would be the easy way out, it would not have me. This is my 2nd divorce and I know the road I must travel,
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