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About Me

  1. I started this to write down my dreams... which lately have been pretty interesting. A few weeks ago I dreamed that an ex of mine died. I figured that was maybe my way of symbolically being over him, even in the subconscious realm. But then the other night I dreamed that he was engaged to someone. Then we come to last night... I was alone in the house I grew up in. I don't live there now, so it was strange that I even was there. But I was there all by myself, and he stopped over. It was raining really hard outside so I let him in to get out of that. There was a 12 pack in the fridge and him and I was sitting in the kitchen drinking and talking. I remember thinking maybe the two of us alone together and drinking isn't a good idea. But my dream self didn't seem to care much. I was telling him about how my first grade teacher was really mean to me and she used to pull my hair. (and this is true, my first grade teacher actually use to do that.) She used to grab the really sensitive hair at the nape of my neck and just pull really hard. I reached over and grabbed his hair the way she used to grab mine, but I didn't pull it, I was just trying to show him. And he turned his face toward me and we kissed. It was just a short kiss at first but then we started kissing pretty passionately. I let this go on pretty long before I stopped. When I stopped kissing him he asked if I wanted to go upstairs. I told him no, we can't be doing this, and I think he probably should leave. He apologized and left. And then I remember sitting there with my laptop really upset and feeling really guilty. I was trying to get ahold of my boyfriend to tell him what I just did. But the computer wasn't working right. I was also debating with myself about if I even should tell him at all. It was just kissing, it's not like we had sex or anything... But I figured I should fess up and tell him and I was really scared to. Then, when I was waking up and realizing this was just a dream, I remember thinking "Man... if I would have realized this earlier on in the dream I would have just let him take me upstairs." I know that's probably not healthy, lol. But I won't deny still feeling sexual attraction for this man. So... that was pretty interesting.
  2. I know I spoke about my career choices many times here . I’m not very happy with my job . I’m more of a medical billing assistant or administrative assistant just to clarify . I haven’t gotten very far in medical billing . My thoughts are wanting to be an elementary school teacher . However , the issue is there aren’t too many elementary school teacher jobs in USA . Another option I looked into was SLPA. SLPA is essentially a speech therapy aide . I didn’t have the grades to get into speech therapy school. Overall , I wanted to work with children .
  3. Like the title says, there isn't really much room for advice in this situation anyway. So let's just go through a little rundown on how life in college should ideally function. You write graded research essays, cool right, well not really, because you see there's this template that they keep posting on each Module's page on how research essays are graded, and they mention very specific criterion along with their assigned weights, all of that is fine and dandy until one as**ole professor decides that they are going to mark papers in a radically different way from everyone else in the department. "oh you thought you had to include a "Theoretical Review" in your essay before you start digging into the studies that are based on actual data and stuff like that, because that's what's actually written in this freaking template that is supposed to comprehensively communicate the standardized marking criterion for all modules, hence you can find it on each individual module's page, well think again, because I decided that I wanted the entire paper to be made up of only that second half of this criteria, and those 800 words worth of theoretical analysis you've put in there is totally worthless to me, haha gotcha. Now did I communicate this clearly enough, oh yeah there was this one time during class that was literally a month or so before this whole quarantine situation settled in where I vaguely talked about the structure of the paper without highlighting the critical exclusion of one of the main marking criterion despite the fact that the question I wrote myself says "highlight the different schools of thought that study the relationship" , oh sorry didn't I tell you how that I personally considered each individual study to be a "school of though" in of itself, did you make the rational mistake of thinking I was referring to the theoretical part of the essay that's expressly mentioned in the marking table, well boohoo for you I guess, life's not fair , deal with it or kill yourself, whichever's most convenient for you blah" Ranked among the top students in my cohort for two years in a row, only for this piece of sh#t to come and deal my GPA the dirtiest hand it's been dealt since I first enrolled in this garbage overpriced uni. It seems that even in the presence of a standardized marking criterion, professors still find a way to abuse their power just so that they can have things their way. And of course I could go and whimper to the head of the department about this, she'll come up with some bullsh*t justification or try to make me out to be the one at fault when clearly the opposite is true. Okay whining is over I guess. Does anyone else have stories about crappy encounters with university professors?
  4. Hi guys, I'm new around here, but I really needed some advice because my mind is a mess right now. It's going to be a little bit long! So I go to a dance academy since 4 months ago and around 2 months ago I started to have a crush on one of my teachers (I'm 25 and he is 30, so age is really not my main problem). About a month ago I learned from a friend that he finds me attractive too, but he told him that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship, and that he didn't want to play with me. I already knew he was into me because honestly he was really obvious in some of his actions, but I didn't want to grow expectations. Anyway, his physical contact grew stronger, it was like every time he saw me, he needed to touch me (on my shoulders or hugged me harder when we say goodbye at the end of his classes). And finally, last weekend we went to a 15 years old celebration where he was one of the dancers. By the end of the evening I was a little drunk (but definitely conscious) and he started to approach more (he acted a little bit shy around me at the beginning of the party). Long story short, we ended up hooking up at my place. But instead of him going away afterwards (or falling sleep like many guys do at one night stands) he actually started to talk about a lot of personal things (like how long he hasn't been in a relationship or sexual intercourse, the reasons he started dancing an so...), and he asked me about some personal stuff too. He spent the night with me and the next day asked me to have breakfast with him. We finished breakfast and kept talking like an hour or so. After that, when we said goodbye it was like he really wanted to hug me a lot (he did it more than once, which is not usual when you say goodbye to someone). Actually, the physical contact was there the whole time, since the party till' we separated. But here comes my mental mess.... he hasn't send me a message or given signs of something more since that day. We see each other daily and I have to recognize that the first 3 days were a little bit akward between us. But he still tries to make some contact and my friends had caught him staring at me a lot. Here is important to mention that, at the academy I am, relationships between students (and even worse with teachers) are completely forbidden, so we obviously cannot be really open about anything while we are there, which is most of the time. So now I really don't know how to act. I treat him like I did before all this mess, but I really really like him a lot and I'm not sure if all these "signs" I see are real or they are just my imagination. I keep focusing on my own things, but I must accept that I'm starting to feel a little obsessed with the situation. I know he likes me, but I don't know if he wants something more (and no, I'm not brave enough to ask him directly :/ )
  5. Not sure if this is the right place to post - my apologies in advance! I currently work in the same university from which I graduated a few years ago. I also received my graduate degree there. There was a professor I had once in undergraduate and once in graduate school. He is beloved and a great teacher - confident, empowering, tough but teaches great lessons. He is currently 72 years old (married with children and grandchildren) and still teaches occasionally in the graduate program. He occasionally made comments to me and other girls about our appearance. Nothing crazy - "you look beautiful" type of things. We always got along well and would talk after class or on campus once I became an employee. I was a very good student and he would talk to me about papers I had written and we would share educational conversations. Fast forward to present day and he is in town (he now lives in another state) for a class he is teaching. He calls my office and asks if I would like to catch up after his night class over coffee or a drink. I see nothing wrong with it and agree. He then suggests the restaurant at his hotel. Something about that made me uncomfortable so I suggest somewhere closer to campus, he rebukes my suggestions and instead picks a loud popular bar at a midway point between the campus and his hotel. His class ends at 8pm, we agree to meet at 8:30. Once there we sit and order drinks and appetizers. Conversation proceeds normally for about 25 mins - work, school, life (I am in the middle of a divorce), etc. He starts suggesting we go somewhere more quiet to which I respond that we should just stay there because I have to be at a campus function early the next morning. He then recommends getting a bottle of champagne and going back to his room. This is where things go downhill. I decline and tell him that is not going to happen for xyz reasons - most of all that he is married and my morals would never allow it. I should have left at that point but I was caught off guard, not sure how to handle the situation, and I really am avoiding making a scene - all stupid reasons, I know. He then says he respects my decision and at that point our food arrives. Conversation proceeds normally again and I start to feel fine with the situation - he asked, I said no, everything was ok - I was wrong again. Shortly thereafter he tells me he has been infatuated with me since I was in his first class. He recalled things I wore, a coat I owned, specific sentences I wrote in papers. He asks if we could do anything at all that night. I decline again. He claims to never have done this before (I find that hard to believe), claims that students have come on to him and he has refused them (I again do not believe him but that is besides the point) Admittedly, I was flattered. I am coming out of a 15 years relationship where I was never once made to feel smart, beautiful, or wanted. And, although he is not who I wanted to be hearing it from, it was jarring to hear it said all the same. After a little while more i tell him we are leaving to our respective homes and that whatever he thought was going to happen is not going to happen. He remarks that now he is even more intrigued by me. We leave to the parking lot and he proceeds to walk after me to my car. I walk so quickly my shoe breaks. He spins me around to face him and holds both of my arms to my sides as he attempts to kiss me. I pull away and he asks if he can get in my car. I say no, I get in my car and drive away. This happened two weeks ago. Although nothing technically happened I am still shaken by it. I am upset with myself for not leaving at his first request. I am upset with myself for being flattered at his comments towards me. I feel my behavior towards him could be interpreted as flirtatious. It was a bad combination of being with someone I always looked up to professionally, wine, a lack of self confidence, and never experiencing a feeling of being desired by my husband all wrapped into one. I think I am more upset with my behavior than I am with his. I am sad that perhaps he saw my lack of self confidence and thought I would be an easy target and that's why he chose me. My question is this: am I victim-shaming myself? how do I get passed this? I feel silly sometimes because nothing technically happened. I can handle a dirty conversation - but being grabbed like that was scary, and my arm still hurts. I have learned from the situation, but I still blame myself for so much and am not sure how to reconcile all of it. Thank you for reading.
  6. This could potentially be quite long, however I would appreciate any guidance. When I was at school, aged 15, I was emotionally manipulated by one of my teachers who was a woman. I, myself, am female and it was an extremely confusing time for me as I had never had any feelings towards a woman before I had met her, aside from looking up to celebrities and other role models. The first time I met her she took me in so easily, I was mesmerised by her charm, her essence of being was something I had never seen before, so confident and bubbly. Anyway, after a month of having her teaching me, we started to 'connect' more with one another, through messaging each other in and out of school, seeing each other (me going to her classroom most days), her making jokes about me in class and treating me differently and making me feel so, so special. I had never felt so cared about before, I told her everything about me and I trusted her implicitly. I got to know her (or so I thought) over the next 10 months and we had developed such a close bond. I realised I loved her about 4 months after we got close and she knew this, though I had never explicitly said it. We had shared lots of moments between us, to which, a part of me felt she did love me too (in some way). I would do anything she wanted, be that, helping her around the school, doing extra work for/with her, she would call me such lovely things, like 'sweetheart', 'babe' and that she 'would always be there for me', 'whatever happened'. She would hug me, touch my waist, hold me, I comforted her when she was upset one time, she cried on my shoulder. I did see her outside of school and there were more instances but I a trying to be brief.Looking back now, I know she was a lonely woman at that time, however the fact she chose to use me is one which constantly confuses me. She was not always nice towards me,she was extremely unstable, one minute being lovely, the next literally shouting at me for nothing. It was extremely confusing, but we always made up in the end until one day when someone at the school decided to speak to the Headteacher regarding our 'relationship', I had to be called in to explain it, even though there was no way to explain whatever it was that we had. I loved her and wished to protect her as I was scared she would lose her job as she was completely unprofessional (I have been as brief as I can be in this post) so I said that I didn't know anything and basically refused to say anything as she meant everything to me. I was 15 and naive. The police were involved, to which, I again, repeatedly protected her, all the while, without me knowing she was bad mouthing me to everyone, saying I was 'obsessed' and 'weird' - To deflect the blame onto me. I did not know this until years later. Anyway, our 'relationship' was ruined, she was told that she wasn't allowed to speak to me at any time (She did, of course she did), that if she was a man she would have been fired and that I wouldn't be taught by her again. Even though she was told not to speak to me, she did, no wonder I was so confused. But it was never the same again, until I finished school. I have seen her in person on multiple occassions since I have left, but only I have driven past her, not actually being in the same place so I can speak with her. It has been a lengthy time period since this time in my life, however it is one which is forever engrained within me as it was such a traumatic event, and one that I have had help with, yet nothing seems to be able to stop me feeling guilty about it. I put the blame on myself because I protected her and then made myself look like the one in the wrong. If I had been 100% honest then I am sure that things would have been different. She is still in a position of trust and has climbed up the career ladder, so that makes me even more worried as I have zero evidence of anything she did. I just wanted to write it out on here the best I can. If anyone has any questions, I will be happy to answer any. I want to go to the police and state exactly what happened (there was nothing internal that happened to clarify) however I am concerned she will turn it around me and try to sue me for defamation which I have heard about in other cases. I am at a loss. Any advice would be greatly received. Thank you.
  7. I realize that this post is going to make me sound like I’ve been bitten by the jealousy monster, but I promise that’s not the case. Basically, I am a teacher, a fellow teacher that I work with has a history of lying and cheating. For example, just a couple months ago when it was time for our big end of year test that counts for our evaluation, several of her students told other teachers that she cheated by telling them the answers on the test. When this information was presented to admin, they did nothing. This same teacher is the coordinator of the after school/summer program, which pays extremely well. She lies on her time sheet in order to get paid for hours she didn’t work. She even went as far as to get paid for 2 weeks that she was at the beach. She also uses the supply money from the grant to buy herself personal items. Many teachers have witnessed this. When this information was presented to admin, they did what? Nothing. She lies EVERY DAY. Now a new position has opened at my school that would be a promotion. She applied for it among many others (not me) with the same if not better credentials that she has. She gets the job. The reason I’m so upset is because another teacher, who I know personally is an honest person that is 100% there for the kids and not the pay check was overlooked. She even has a higher degree than the liar. But, the liar is friends with the principal. Why does this liar, cheater, embezzler, etc. continue to flourish and be handed promotions at work when she is not a good person and administration knows she lies and cheats? What ever happened to karma? This makes me question everything I believed to be true about life.
  8. Ugh. Here I go again letting my feelings get the best of me. My husband’s cousin (who is supposed to be my friend) is constantly talking negatively about my job (I’m a teacher). She CONSTANTLY makes comments like “ugh, I would hate to be a teacher” “I don’t know why you would want to spend all day with other people’s kids” “teachers barely get paid to do that ty job” “school sucks, I can’t wait for summer” “I feel bad for my kids that they have to go to that hell hole every day” I’m getting annoyed to the point that I don’t want to be around her. It’s really bothering me and making me feel like a failure. Why am I letting her control my emotions like this?? 😢
  9. Hi all, It has been a while since I posted on these fantastic forums that have helped me get over three breakups, but I have spent a couple of years being single since my last relationship ended, and I have been trying to work on issues that I undoubtedly have/have had. One thing that I am struggling with is how I react to a perceived wrongdoing by someone, however minor it might be. I'm sure everyone reacts differently to such scenarios, but what I do is go extremely quiet, ignore the perceived offender for hours, build and build this negative image of the person in my head, get in a bad mood which will continue until I can escape the situation and spend some time on my own. Today's example: I am originally from the UK, but have lived and worked in Japan for 7 years. I am now on a 6 month sabbatical studying Japanese in Kyoto as I needed a boost to my language skills. It is very intensive with so much information each day, writing, speaking, homework, tests, the lot. I am just about coping, but anyway, there is one teacher at the academy I attend who I have taken a dislike to. Blown out of proportion, I'm sure, but I tend to always get in a bad mood on her days (Wednesday and Friday). Today, we had a Kanji Test (Japanese characters) which is something that I really struggle with, but she was talking during the test, and I couldn't concentrate. I asked her quite sternly to be quiet, in Japanese, and then was passive aggressive for the next two hours and didn't really contribute to her lesson. I answered if she asked me a question, but I didn't raise a smile or be the jokey person I usually am in class with other teachers. This kind of thing happens a lot with me, I have noticed. I am a very independent person, with few real friends, and I absolutely prefer my own company. I recharge by being on my own and would definitely say I am an introvert, although in other things I am adventurous, e.g. travelled all over independently, lived in New Zealand, South Korea, Japan, etc. So, the point is: how can I change my behaviour pattern? My Dad and older brother are the same, actually worse than me in my Dad's case. He would literally disappear for days after an argument with my Mum. Not sure if that is a feasible excuse for me to rely upon, and maybe it is irrelevant. I am always looking inwardly to try and improve, be it through meditation, mindfulness, or whatever. But situations arise, I react negatively, and then later in the day wonder why I was such an idiot to make a big deal out of it (although I always maintain I had legitimate reasons for being upset, initially at least). I will stop here, but if anyone can relate or advise, then please respond - I would be delighted to hear your feedback/impressions. Thanks, Rich
  10. NOTE: I used this Instagram account to post a meme, and did not assume the identity of anyone else nor did I use any photos of real people, or assume the identity of anyone else. I've only had this account for two days and have made it impossible for me to use again, and I wouldn't anyways. I took extra precautions though anyways. So, I have an interest in this guy, and I decided to follow his Instagram with a fake meme account I made. I don't know why I didn't make a real one in retrospect, but I'm not going to take the chance of making a second one with my true identity because that would look even more suspicious. He blocked me after I made a post today, so I changed the password to something so hard, that I won't ever get the account open again. It was my attempt at communication, under disguise. It was stupid in retrospect and I won't ever do it again. But honestly, I want to know what I can do to fix this, because I don't want him to view me in a weird way once school starts back again. I don't know if he'll think it's me. I just wanted to be closer to him. I know this guy because in the fall we were supposed to work on a project together, but him and his friend always left me alone and just went somewhere else. So I lied to my teacher that we worked together, because I didn't have the guts to tell the truth. I point this out because I don't communicate well with other people. Most people though, regard me as generally nice. Maybe I should've made a real account, but I'm not going to do that now.
  11. Hello everyone, I just wanted to tell you about the great success I have had with St. John's wort for my depression. (Uh, like a bladder wort plant, not the wart on your third grade teacher's nose.) It is sold over the counter, and can be found in almost any drug store and even grocery stores. It is an all natural herbal supplement, and apparently has few side effects. (I was worried about liver disease, but apparently, it is okay.) Also, it is relatively inexspensive. It takes about a week for it to build up in your system, but it sure works for me, and is kind of like taking a "happy" pill. (Geez, what a relief to finally be able to go around and be happy again.) Now, I don't want you to think that it turns you into a giddy zombie or something. (Well, maybe a little giddy.) I have tried prescription anti-depressants with mixed results. (And many of those have horrendous side effects.) Well, that's about it. (Also, I wanted to mention that this website has been very helpful as well.)
  12. Tomorrow is the last day to drop classes, and I'm facing one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I'm currently taking a course overload (6 classes, 19 credits) and there's this weekly seminar that I absolutely detest. We're supposed to write a 35 page paper, but there's no information on the topic that I chose -- or at least nothing I can obtain in the next few weeks. The professor is highly unhelpful, too. Even though she approved my topic, neither of us can see it going anywhere...and I know that if I make do with the limited information that I can get, the paper will lack substance and receive a bad grade. However, a seminar like this is required for my major. I have 5 more semesters to take one, but an appropriate one isn't offered next semester. And if I go abroad next year, I won't be able to take it then...and the year after that I'll have to work on my senior honors thesis, so the seminar class will be hard to handle. (Intensive research on two major papers that can't be related...feasible, but not desirable.) So my choices are: 1). Dropping the class, having it on my transcript as a dropped course, and taking it sometime later...or 2. Sticking with it and getting a bad grade that would blemish my record (I'm willing to work hard, I really am, but I'm severely limited by the available information). Which one would you guys recommend? Which one would look worse on my transcript?
  13. Hi Guys: Ok I'm back with the same issue as before... After almost 2-3 weeks of working with my baby(2yrs) in order to stop him from bitting and pulling his classmates hair, we had another incident today. He has been doing really well and has responded positively to time-out and the "take him away from we're he misbehaved" thing. But today, I go to pick him up at his preschool and the fist thing i see is my baby crying unconsolable. I ask the teacher what happened and she says that he was repremended for bitting a girl and pulling another girl's hair (for no reason). I had to sign an incident sheetand they said that I have to control this situation. They are well aware of my proactivity towards this issue and it shows since the baby hadn't done it for 2 weeks since we started paying attention to this problem. I did tell the teacher that I do find it very strange that this conduct only appears in school. He never attempts this in the park when he is with many other kids or even in play-dates. Last week alone we had 3 of about 4-8 kids at the same time. Not once did my baby try to bite, pull or any other aggresion. So its not a matter of him being jealous or attention-needy like the teacher told me. I am worried though about how I picked him up today crying. He NEVER cries here in the house when I scold him. Today his eyes were red , i guess from crying for a while and when i held him, he still wouldn't stop crying and was whimpering and feeling miserable. It lasted well after we got home. He doesn't talk yet so Itsnnot like i can ask him what happened. I don't think they hit him but if so, I don;t find any marks that would show that this happened. Any input.... I'm worried! Why only in school? why was he crying so bad?
  14. Hi everyone, I'm doing a Career project for school. I want to become a school teacher so thats why I chose this occupation for my project. I was hoping I could find atleast two people on here that are Elementary or Secondary school teachers and ask them a few questions for my report. Just like a mini interview sort of, I need two interview atleast two teachers for my report. If anyone could help me out that would be awsome. If you are a teacher and you dont mind me interviewing you please just leave me a reply on here and i'll get in contact with you. My presentation is three days from now which is Friday. Thanks again in advance for any help
  15. Hey everyone, My professor recently emailed us to say that the reason several of her classes were canceled was because her mother passed away a few days ago. I feel really horrible for her, and I would like to email her back with some kind words, but I'm having trouble finding them. I don't want to say anything that'll sound rude. Any suggestions?
  16. Who initiated a relationship with his/her teacher and sees him/her frequently enough to say that you're friends ? Well, what have you done and what degree were you at ? Do you think it is nonsense to ask a teacher to be friends (by inviting him/her to some activities) ? I never read/heard about people that did so and how it happened. Do you think that it is normal for a university student to seek teachers as friends ?
  17. i know i could be called much worse things than "pretty" and while i appreciate the compliment, it somewhat bothers me. today was the first day of classes and one of my female professors said i was "pretty". this is not the first time i have been called this. i have been called pretty many times before, even in childhood. i feel it somewhat makes me less "manly". i don't think i have ever been called "hot" or a "hottie", which would be nice. i've been told that i am "cute" and/or "adorable" and while this is great and i do like getting those compliments, i feel average looking people are often considered cute. i don't dress in a "feminine" way, i am very casual. mostly jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt. i also don't think i am a "metro-sexual" either. i honestly feel i am average looking, nothing too special. however being called "pretty" bothers me somewhat. again, i appreciate the compliment when someone does say i am pretty. it sure beats being called ugly. but i am wondering if there is a way i can go from pretty to hot or to "handsome".
  18. This was from a recording I listened to the other day of a Buddhist teacher talking to a class about what are called the "Four Bases for Success". It is something so obvious, but some people never think about it. These principles can apply to just about anything; musicians, athletes, employees, school students, etc. (1) Desire You enjoy what you do. There is a joy you get out of it. Perhaps you have a strong passion for it. (2) Persistance You stick to and work with what needs to be done. Take small steps, and figure out the proper level of effort that is needed so you don't overwork yourself, yet do not do too little. (3) Intentness/Focus You pay attention to what needs to be done, or what has been done. You notice what is going on. Open up your eyes and ears. (4) Discrimination (Ingenuity) Using ingenuity to notice what is going well, and what is not going well. Think critically, be honest. Figure out when you can use your ingenuity to your advantage.
  19. I was wondering if anyone on this forum is a photographer. I was wondering if you could learn it on your own. I already have a Canon Rebel G camera and another lens for it. I don't want to sound conceited but I take good scenery pictures. So I do know I have talent. I was looking stuff up online and I couldn't find anything that was helpful as far as learning how to develope them. I really don't want to go to classes because I took one photography course and I didn't learn anything because the teacher never let us do anything hands-on. I just need some direction. Sorry for writing a chapter.
  20. Crap.....its my fault i shouldn't have searched ner name, didn't think she wud be there, i saw her ex there and she is with him now profile says committed, she still stays where she was, workin as a teacher and also studying. One thing led to other and she is perfectly fine talkin to many guys for friendships and what not...no problem but why did i look into her friends list...hate this. i am not jealous but i am really hurt by me now....shouldn't have bothered at all, i am not healed fully... to make matters worst she will know who visited her profile, logs always show up on the front page. ahh how can i be so stupid...i am shakin now. Sorry all... Hate this...i have let down myself.
  21. For those who don't know about this read my second thread.... here: I saw my teacher yesterday....he is my US History teacher. He was nice, but of course I never talked to him, I was scared to talk to him. But I saw him yesterday while I was out. It was really late at night! More like really early in the morning actually. I was just walking, avoiding my father at the house so I was just walking around. I went to the town center (the mall) and just went in the stores that where open. That's where I saw him. He was nice, he stopped asked how I was, what I was doing, etc. Just chit-chat. My response was normal too, "I'm fine, nothing just browsing, etc". I asked why he was out so late that night? or morning? I don't know. I was just curious because we had school in like 5 hours and I thought it was strange to see him out that late. I mean it was a grocery store so no place that's strange. Anyways he just said he had to run and get something for his wife (married no kids). Then of course he asked why I was out so late......concerned? I couldn't think of anything right at that time so I said "No reason.....just wondering around" ](*,) Of course he seemed even more concerned considering the bruises and a black eye I had. (It's all explained in the link I posted at the top). He then asked if I was ok, I said yea a little too automatically ( He then began to do something.....he said something along the lines of if anyone or anything was..."not right" then if I needed to I could always talk to him about it and he'd help me. Also said I was a wonderful student and that I really deserved to be treated good. I'm sure he was really trying to be nice and was concerned, but I can't help that it made me even more nervous. I'm not use to that! When people show that much concern or generosity I take the side of caution and just think they have bad intentions or alterior motives and don't really mean it. ](*,) I mean he's a great teacher, he really does care about his students I think, but then I felt bad about missing an oppurtunity to get help. And kinda like I was being deceitful. ](*,) I just don't know how I'm suppose to take it?? I mean would a normal person take it?
  22. Hey everybody, I must say unfortunately I'm new here. I'm in an extreme long distance relationship since a little over a year now and until yesterday I was as happy with it as anyone could possibly be. My girlfriend is from America, I'm from Germany, so this goes around half the globe but believe it or not, in this past year we've seen each other for at least a week every 2 months, we talk on the phone almost every day, let alone emailing each other and writing messages. Next year we were planning on moving in together in Germany. However after researching job opportunities for my girlfriend we came to the conclusion that she would probably end up being a part time language teacher at most, whereas even before we met she was studying to be a college professor some day. So basically if she moved here she would give up her friends, family and career and she's really not the type of girl that could be a stay-home person and she likes to be financially independent, so that would be a high price and we would trade in the being-apart-from-each-other-part for the no-career,all friends gone and being dependent part. We could live off my money, we wouldn't be poor but also not exactly rich so we'd have a, let's call it limited lifestyle. Right now we cancelled our plans of moving in together, so she can go on to grad school on a scholarship in the US. I could still go see her whenever I get a leave (which is the reason why I'm kind of "stuck" to this side of the world for quite a few years), but since she would go live in a different town her costs for living would be higher and our every 2 month plan is probably not going to happen anymore either. So as you can probably imagine this has struck me quite bad, because within the last 48 hours the big finish line of us being together for good disappeared and as of now my whole relationship seems to take a completely different shape. We love each other and faith, trust, understanding and communication have never ever been problems. Is a strong basis for a long distance relationship enough to make it work forever ? Or am I too blind to realize it's time to let go ? You never know what happens in life but as of now we're looking at ridiculous 9 1/2 years! These are questions that run through my mind and that are logical but honestly I think those apply to couples that have problems in their relationship between themselves. To me that would mean I have to give up the person I love and that means the most to me and for that obvious reason I can't picture myself doing that. P.S.I don't even really know what kind of answers or comments I'm expecting here, I think I just kind of needed to vent. Thank you for reading this and if someone has an idea or a similar experience (like this happens to a lot of people) I'd really appreciate it
  23. Hey, So I dated this girl a long time ago..more on the story at Today, I was sitting outside my lab, grabbing a coffee and a smoke and she passed me by..looked at me & smiled, I didnt and just looked away..she walked another 50-60 ft, got talking to a guy and then when she finished talking to him..turned back and walked up to me to say "hi". We talked for 15-20 mins and it looked like she was reminiscing/maybe missing the old days. We talked mostly about what we wanted to do with life and life after graduation and a little about the past..she ended up saying "So I just wanted to say "hi" and I know I've been a real b***h to you and you are one person who doesnt deserve that". She told me she had a bf (and I kinda knew she had one) and that he'd asked her to marry him but she didnt wanna get married, honestly I got the feeling that she doesnt want to settle down with him. She asked me what my plans were about marriage and I said that I dont plan to have one for a long time. She sounded confused with what she wanted to do after graduation, said she wanted to be a dance teacher instead of being a chemical engineer. I have 6 months to go before I graduate and I'll be out of this place and maybe never get to see her again, anyone in this situation? This girl brings out emotions in me like anything..about the only girl i've truly selflessly loved and its been a hard track to try and get over her and thought I'd finally done it before she walked up to me and now I am a little bit of a mess. Thanks for reading, send in any comments about this post.
  24. Following is my reply to this post Im sharing this with all of you because I hope that it may inspire someone to do what they can to become the person they want to be. SEE A GOAL and reach for it. You can do it! Someone told me that and it was almost too late. Oh, there are times I have struggled to remember it But here is a bit of my story: _________________________________________ About 8 or so months ago I gave that quote to a new teacher here on enotalone. She was asking if there was anything we could tell her to take into her new classroom as she for the first time was preparing to mold young minds. I have had this poem commited to memory since I was 16 years old. I had been getting in trouble in school ... Id been through alot. I look back now and know that I was acting out because of all the pain I was feeling, it was truly self destructive behavior. I had a teacher that really mentored me. He treated me with respect and told me that I could do anything that I wanted to do with my life. At that time, I was in my Junior year of highschool, looking at only a year and a half till graduation day yet I had little chance to graduate. I had 3.5 credits and should have had 9 at that point. (so technically I wasnt even a Sophmore) He gave me this poem. Those words inspired me. For a teacher to so touch a students soul (not in an improper way) meant the world to me. It was like for the first time someone was telling me that I could do it! This was a turning point for me. I began working extra hard. I did correspondance courses.. I went to an alternative highschool for six months that allowed me to do alot of my classes on computer and getting through them at a much faster pace. I did volunteer service at a nursing home (75 hours) which really changed me. I did an internship at a Law office.. Another internship at the chamber of commerce for my county. (those in the usa may know what the chamber of commerce is) All of these things allowed me to pick up credits here and there to have enough to graduate from highschool. It was not a GED Program. This poem and that teacher have never left my thoughts. One of the proudest moments in my life was the day that I graduated. On time. With my class. Class of 1996. It wasnt the original highschool but it was a highschool. I had done it! I had made a goal and did what no one thought I could. I didnt drop out. I went and told that teacher that he helped me a year and a half before and I thanked him. He wiped a tear from his eye and he told me never to forget what I had done and what I could do. Watch your thoughts, They become Words. Watch your words, They become Actions. Watch your actions, They become Habits. Watch your habits, They become Charactor. Watch your charactor, It Will Become Your Destiny.
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