The Morrigan

Lots of lube (sometimes "wet" doesn't give as much anti-friction as a good luibe) - and try positions where she has more control over the speed and penetration (like her on top), let her set the pace and see what gets uncomfortable. The more she's anticipating the pain, the more she's going to tense up instinctively, which WILL make it hurt. Throw in whatever makes her relax, massages, slow foreplay, some light oral, whatever seems to work best to really get her loose and comfortable beforehand. Oh and one other thought - if you're using condoms, even though they're more expensive, try one that's not latex based - some people have sensitivity to the latex that can burn, cause internal rashes and abrasions.

If he asks about you not calling or saying more about not seeing him - just be nice and honest and tell him it seemed he was stressed and could use some time to just kick back and relax a bit with no pressure from anyone. The less reason he has to expect to feel badly when he does need some time to just shut everything off and chill, the more open he's likely to be about it when he is stressed, and less likely to end up taking it out on you inadvertently.

If it would ease your mind, and since he has already offered, I'd have him take the test - if only because it will lay your remaining doubts to rest. I've been this road myself - except I knew my husband had cheated - BUT the girl in question was spreading it to our mutual friends that he had tried to rape her, not that it was consensual. As with yours, the details made no sense - but she (the friend in question) did have other motives, she was unbalanced and very promiscuous and her newest love interest was a police officer who didn't approve of her loose behaviour. Despite that - I wanted to be absolutely sure before I even DISCUSSED what to do with my husband that the version of the story I was getting from him was the truth and not hers. You can look at spending about 500-700 bucks for a thorough lie detector exam - you get to tell the examiner the basic questions you want answers to, narrow it down to the key ones - he will add in some others and some control questions. You won't be in the room while he's conducting it, though a mutual friend of mine and my husbands did sit in his. He wanted a neutral third party to witness it, and she agreed, though it wasn't necessary. Honestly I was very glad I had it done - it took care of that little doubt remaining that just "maybe" he was lying - and that doubt was something I had decided I couldn't live with, I had to know one way or the other. I briefly toyed with suing her since it the rumors had made the round of the whole neighborhood - then decided no, not worth it, she'd get caught out eventually for something.

I would have to say - not only intent, but IMPLIED intent. For example, in a circle of friends where everyone knows each other, you can get away with a lot more teasing and it's understood by both sides there's no real intent except goofing off or flirting. Approaching someone who doesn't know you in the same manner gives a much different implication - you're very possibly leading them on to perceive deeper intent and their actions will also be accordingly more meaningful. It goes outside of simple "fun" flirtatiousness and into "ego sexual power" flirting. That might not be cheating per se - but it's certainly a caution that it's a possibility if you need that level of attraction outside your relationship. When your actions could reasonably be perceived by the other party to have real intent, not just them stretching their imaginations - it's crossing the line. If you lead them to believe you're unattached and act accordingly, even if you don't sleep with them - that's at least cheating on the relationship, by not acknowledging it. It's also generally a problem if you feel you have to hide what you're doing from your partner - you're questioning your own motives and how it would make them feel and if it fits with a monogamous relationship. Casual flirting and teasing among friends is generally not something you have to hide.

It depends, as everyone has said, on several things. For one, there's nothing saying the dumper can't contact the dumpee - and the dumpee can't encourage the contact by being receptive. BUT - as the person summarily dumped, you DON'T want to be doing all or even most of the contacting here - your feelings were trampled and he knows it. No matter how you intend it to appear, it doesn't show much self respect for yourself if you're still the one grasping after keeping in touch, even on a friendly basis. It's not as desperate as begging and pleading - but it's not showing them all you have to offer in the way of confidence and regard for yourself either. Even as a friend - you don't want yourself in the position of being so available you end up taken for granted, so you have to be careful there's effort on his part as well.

I'd have a problem with it myself - of only because the harassment should have been met with more than him just putting himself in the middle. No friend should have the right to blatantly criticize, harass, and demean someone's spouse without being given the heave-ho. That's not the actions of a friend if she's causing trouble in his marriage. I'd suggest seeing if he'd go to counseling to get a third party mediating who might be able to make him understand some of the issues here - which are deeper than just the game itself, it's where he's putting his priorities and the choices he's making that are hurting.

Hmm sounds like since it's been a while you've been together he might be a bit insecure with the more expressive things that tend to come out in the beginning not being so apparent. Some people need to hear the words, some are content with day to day little things that show affection - if your styles are a little different, it might mean a little compromise on both sides, and a little extra communication on what you're doing that you think is showing how much you love him, and he's not SEEING. He could think he's giving you signals that he expects reciprocated that you're also not seeing - so see if you're getting your wires crossed somewhere!

The problem is the dumper has the advantage of already thinking through the things that led to the breakup. The dumpee is left gasping and about 3 steps backward in the land of "why??? how???? BUT.... can't we work things out??? I'm not ready to lose you!" There's little comfort the person who's broken off the relationship can offer that won't end up making it rougher on the dumpee. It's something to cling to, some hope and emotional contact that in the early stages can make the pain drag on longer keeping them partially dependent on a relationship that's no longer there. And if they're still in that limbo when the dumper starts dating, it hurts as much as the breakup all over again, making it painfully clear they're not the one anymore. Now, that's not to mean you have to be rude or slam the door on your ex - but it's very difficult to be both sympathetic AND not encouraging more than you intend to. And there's nothing wrong with telling her just that - that you don't want to hurt her further by trying to be "friends" before she's healed from the breakup, and you don't want to be unfair to her.

Ok, if I understand what you're saying... you have physical desire to have sex with both men and women in different ways, but despise women as a group, and hate men as a group, on a more personal level? It honestly doesn't sound like this is much to do with sexuality per se, as the way you're seeing sex in general, it sounds like it's a means of having control and the upper hand, a form of domination where you have a sexual and physical power over someone else, male OR female. Not trying to analyze here, but sounds like you respect men in one way as far as being stronger, but resent that, and don't have much respect for women at all and dislike them on a personal level. It's "translating" at a sexual level, but that's not something that's a given with homosexuality or bisexuality. Not trying to pry - but how well do you relate to guys and girls on a friendship level? You've got a LOT of hormones jumping around right now - sexual fantasies are common, and how you feel you're relating to others (or how you think they see you) can really affect how those play out in your mind. I'd honestly look first at how you feel about the people around you unrelated to sex and see if there's some resentments and issues there that could be coming out this way as a sort of outlet, getting control over something you might not have gotten any kind of resolution for any other way. Don't know if that helped or just muddied the waters more - but keep posting and see what comes from it!

It is confidential, and can be performed in a clinic or a doctor's office if it's early into the pregnancy. Before you panic, make sure she is indeed pregnant, as everyone is saying, and if she is, go to a counselor who will make sure she's absolutely comfortable with her eventual decision (abortion, adoption, or keeping the child) before she goes into it, since it's something she's going to have to come to terms with as being the right decision for years to come. The LIFE and PAPRI (a pro-life group in Britain) study which has propagated this statistic has not been supported or accepted as valid by either the American Cancer Society, World Health Organization, or the Breast Cancer Coalition; there were both conflicting conclusions and unaccounted for variables in the published study. It was also denounced there by the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Just clarifying that, if it came from another source feel free to elaborate, but something which has been denounced as unfounded by every reputable health organization in two countries shouldn't be used as something to base a decision like this on.

Whoa hon, first... STOP AND BREATHE nice and slow, your thoughts are chasing each other in circles here! Now a couple questions - when's the last time you were in contact with him? What was his demeanor like at that time? Regardless - give yourself a bit of a shake, step back, and take inventory here. What kind of girl did he fall for before you guys broke up? What were you like when you were happy before him and in the good part of your relationship? Whether it's for him or for someone new - this is the person you want to rebuild yourself into, for yourself as well. Wanting someone in your life is great - but when it gets to the point you don't feel like you're a person without them, you need to reclaim a little confidence of who you are, not just who you are in relation to them. Take a long look around some of the threads, especially the recent and long running ones, of people struggling with similar situations - they have a lot of good tips for getting you through and regaining your confidence in yourself - and they'll help support you whether you're having a good day or a not so good day - and see if any of their ideas seem to be something you could try. And whenever you get anxious, feel free to come read, post, browse, anything to get your mind back and collected!

Hmmm, yeah, a nice variation on "I have no clue, you've always been more than enough woman for me baby!"

Any guy who has a wife or gf and values his body parts will have one answer honey... "Hell NO!"

Hi - I don't kjnow if this will make sense to you or not, but while you mention seeing a psych and being on medication, it seems something important has been left hanging on you, something you may not have really considered. Medication helps - if you have someone, a counselor or religious counselor, to help you discover some coping skills the meds will help you be able to take advantage of. If those aren't in place though - it can really leave you floundering with no direction and no idea how to find it. Especially if you've been dealing with this for this many years on your own, it seems you could really benefit from someone talking to you one on one and giving you a bit more insight to some options and directions you might want to take that might simply not be visible to you right now. Whether you'd feel more at ease with a religious counselor or a therapist - it's definitely worth a shot. Medication alone can only do so much, can only ease the chemical imbalance that make it impossible to use any sort of reason or faith to your benefit. It still leaves FINDING that reason and faith out there in the wind - and there's no shame in asking for a little help to get yourself set on the road to be able to really see what possibilities are there, and what might work for you individually. Don't give up on yourself yet - you have people who do care about you and will be more than willing to support your efforts. No, it won't be an easy or short road, but you never know when your own struggles and experiences might serve to help someone else as well, and give you a purpose and reason for going through this.

It depends. A lot of times the best thing you CAN do in any situation where there's a lot of conflict, or a conflict in views, is BACK OFF for a while. It's hard to get perspective on shoving someone out of your life, friend, gf/bf, or otherwise, while they're still insisting you need to work things out. They feel they need to justify their position over and over - and it just adds fuel to the fire having to reiterate "leave me be!" over and over. Backing off puts things in a more reasonable perspective - the issue that caused the conflict goes back from mountain to molehill size in the face of missing the normal everyday things you shared. Give them the opportunity to think "ok, maybe I'm overreacting" before either they get in touch, or you make any overtures. Nobody makes good decisions in the heat of anger or even fear or other emotions. Reinforcing those feelings by trying to force resolution before they're ready is bound to backfire. Think about when you're in their position - and when you'd be ready and receptive to being approached, and that'll help keep their viewpoint in mind before you act impulsively.

It does sound like she's not too happy with the current state of things - and is giving you some measure of control. I would advise caution though - just because of her statements before; make sure if she wants you back, her being unsure of being able to be faithful is no longer an issue. I'd answer her call if you feel you've got enough confidence to let her voice what she's thinking without pressing her, find out just what really IS on her mind - and go REALLLLLLLY slow from there - this isn't something to jump back into and end up right where you were. Have enough confidence and respect for yourself to be a bit wary and make sure she's not just saying whatever she needs to to feel secure with you, but has really thought about what happened before and has resolved her issues and doubts within herself. You've probably earned a measure of respect from her by not being so quick to dismiss your own feelings and needs - and self respect demands respect from others. Don't lose that by being in such a hurry to get back into a relationship with her you end up disregarding any concerns you have - make sure you address them first. If she's sincere the fact you're willing to even consider things should be enough encouragement, she won't be put off by having to go slow enough to earn your trust in her sincerity.

LOL, I had that one page 1 - that was more "during date" approaching the subject, not when it actually comes up - I know that's too subtle to actually say anything. I dunno that I'd say "I already have enough friends" if the roles were reversed - but I agree that no guy in that position should feel obligated to accept the friendship, I'd probably say something like "Sorry, but I wouldn't be comfortable being 'just friends' with you when I had other intentions, cya."

It sounds like you're doing what you have to to take care of yourself - which is a good thing. Keep it up, keep busy, keep focused on you - so far you're doing well!

I agree with bamboo and the others - you have to put yourself first - and right now I don't think you're at a point emotionally where you could respond and really not mind which way or even if he replied in return - which is going to take away mor energy you need to be investing in yourself right now. If he REALLY wants to find out what's up that badly, he can try a little harder than a lukewarm email, especially knowing you're trying to keep up with your studies. You first, you first you first - chant it like a mantra if you must - but don't let him undermine what ground you've gained here, ok?

Hon - he's not a child. It sounds like he's trying to blame you for some of his poor decisions and choices at this point just because you were there to support him regardless of what he did. No, you weren't wrong - but it seems now he's waking up to not being in the place in life he was hoping to be, and you became his scapegoat to avoid taking responsibility for his own actions. In short, I hate to say it, but he needs to grow up. Sadly, he's not going to do that with all the love and support you've offered him. You're not his keeper, and until he's gotten enough perspective to realize just how much you did support him, he's not going to be able to appreciate it, from the looks of things. Hard as it may be, you're gonna have to let him find his own way, even if he flounders around for a while. This is something he's got to deal with himself and make his own choices - and you're gonna have to let him go for now to do just that. Treat it as if it is over for good - get your feet back under you, get yourself emotionally strong again and independent - and when you have new perspective from that point, it'll be easier to take a really good look at the whole relationship and decide then if this is something you want to go back to, regardless of if he comes back or not. At this point you really do need to put yourself first, your feelings, your mental and emotional health, and work on being confident in yourself that you did the best you could with what you had at the time. If there's anything you'd do differently in a similar situation - you've gained some valuable experience. We learn a LOT more from our mistakes than from our achievements, so nothing is ever wasted completely.

Yeah, not everyone has one and just normal activities can "pop" it, so don't worry - you're still a virgin until you have intercourse, whether you've got one or not. And it won't make much difference to your first time either, even if it's intact, there's a big difference in how stubborn it is between different girls, and the guy you do decide to give your virginity to isn't going to care where you fall on the scale!

LOL, well, let's see... Basically I'd hope to have someone who would have similar ideas as mine, and be willing to both have a high enough opinion of HIMSELF to tell me what he thinks and wants - and a high enough opinion of ME to expect the same. Do I want him to drop his friends to see me? No - because if I've already made plans, it seems awfully rude to drop friends and rush off barring exceptional circumstances - I know how I've felt being the "dropped" friend, and I'd want neither his friends or mine to end up in that position. By the same token - if we've made plans to do something, even if it's not the most exciting thing in the world, I expect he'll be committed to that, and not drop me when his buddies ring saying they're going cruising the clubs either. Once again, I can compromise for an exception, his friend calls excited that he won tickets on the 50 yard line for a big football game? Sure hon, go for it and have fun, we can rent movies another night. Important though that he respect me enough to say something "Hey, would you be really upset if..." works better than "sorry, something came up, see ya another time!" And for pity's sake - while I like being asked what I want to do, I hate - repeat HATE, the "whatever you want is fine" conversations being routine. You know the kind I mean... one person says "hey, you up for doing something tonight?" "Sure, what did you have in mind?" "Whatever you want to do is fine," "Well, I hadn't had any time to think, you have any ideas?" "No, whatever you feel like works for me" "Well whatever you want to do is ok..." ANNOYING. Sure, they come up on occasion, but all the time is just plain aggravating. By the time that's done I don't WANT to go anywhere anymore if it happens every damn time. You can be considerate without getting into that zone, throw a few suggestions out if you're gonna ask me out, for pity's sake! I'm not gonna be offended! If I really don't want to do any of 'em, trust me, I'll offer my own ideas! On to the gift showering, ok, I know, this seems tricky. But honestly, the big gestures are a lot more meaningful when they're reserved for something important. I get a job promotion - oh yeah, those flowers would be MOST welcome. Same with things like birthdays, special occasions - who doesn't appreciate something nice then? But flowers after every date, an overwhelming abundance of compliments that are extreme - it's like having a worshipper, and feels less genuine. For every day, the little things even with a touch of humor and teasing make me feel more appreciated without the awkwardness of getting attention that's way over normal attention and affection. Remembering my fave candy bar in passing on a 7-11 run once a week will still get the "aww, thanks!" without feeling I have something to live up to that I can't return. and if I'm being a... brat, I expect to be told "hey, you having a bad day, or you pissed at me, cause you're really snapping" not catered to. Respect my feelings without treating me like an idol (hey, I'm just a person) and it's all good

You're both working, and yet he expects you to fulfill a role that was popular back in say, oh, 1950... that could be a bit of a problem here. I agree with avman - see if he'll go to counseling, if not, go yourself, even if he won't go with you. You could badly use a third party perspective here while you still have something like a mind left. You're not his mom. relationships are two ways, and he has to realize it takes both of you to fix something - it doesn't work if only one party is willing to expend the effort. Ok, I have to ask - if he doesn't deposit his check with yours, just where does his money go? Does he use it for any of the household expenses, or do you have no idea what he does with it? This is a marriage - not supporting a child while they go to school and build up a nest egg - he should contribute in some way, if not to bills per se then to groceries, outside expenses, etc. Your role isn't to take care of him solely.

Another thing to keep in mind (and yeah, it's normal) are fantasies are just that - dreaming, and thereforeeee "perfect" to an extent. Odds are there's no way the reality would live up to the fantasy. It's rare for the real guy to be able to live up to "fantasy guy" because well, in a fantasy, he acts and you feel the way you want to at the moment, and how he'd really behave, act, can well be way different.

hmm, to me it's things like... wuss - drops plans he's made with friends at the suggestion I'd like to do something. insensitive guy - "hey I know we were supposed to go out tonight but my buddy has wrestling tickets so some other time, 'kay?" (this with 10 minutes to go to when I was expecting to be picked up yet) (my one ex did this to me OFTEN, not cool) wuss - makes no decisions whatsoever, "whatever you want is great with me" is a personal mantra insensitive guy - doesn't care what you want - you can damn well do what he wants - even if it's going to watch amazon mud wrestling wuss - showers attention and gifts to the extent they cease to have any meaning insensitive guy - doesn't have a clue what I'd like as a gift, and wouldn't get it anyway, if he DOES get a present it'll be something with an ulterior motive, like reservations for an all weekend fishing trip even if he knows his girl gets seasick. Basically the way I see it - a wuss not only doesn't ever put himself first - he never puts his wishes even in the PICTURE - it's not love per se as much as worship, adoration. On the opposite side of the scale, an insensitive jerk doesn't put anyone else's wishes in the picture unless it so happens to suit him - he's "me first and you umm, well maybe 17th after my car, dog, friends, club, favorite jersey, and the lint in my pocket"