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  1. Hello! I have a new female friend but I kinda can't call her a friend. We have been "friends" for about a year and it was going good and she is so nice. But she doesn't respond to my messages. Sometimes she'll not respond at all or sometimes days later. It's really annoying. For instance she messaged me last night and asked how I was (i've had minor surgery so can't leave my house). She msg me before the surgery and I said I will need visitors as I can't go anywhere. Then I didn't hear from her for over a week until last night. Then I respond enthusiastically to her message she was updating me on her life saying I've inspired her to do videos etc. (we voice message mostly) and I give her info about me saying - It's so hard not being able to go out and congratulate her on how good her video was. AND NO RESPONSE! I would have thought there would be back and forth. This seems to happen every time! A couple of times in the past she's said "lets catch up on the weekend, I'll let you know what day"... the weekend comes and goes and she doesn't contact me. She doesn't address it. It just comes and goes. She doesn't keep her word. BUT SHE'S NICE ENOUGH! Basically I don't want her as a friend but she keeps contacting me occasionally. And I don't want to be rude so each time I let it slide. As she's a new friend I don't feel like it's my place to confront her about it. But I don't want her to keep messaging me because each time I get disappointed. I'm 38 and I have changed a lot so I don't have a lot of friends. I'd love it if she was a good friend. It's so frustrating. I feel like I am so responsive to strangers even. I've never experienced this kind of communication before it's really weird. What do I do? Or have you experienced this before?
  2. Ok so I'm sure some of you have read my post in the relationship thread about my fiance working out of town and us barely talking and so on. Basically what this boils down to is I'm unhappy. I have been extremely stressed due to the fact that he still has not been able to contribute to the Bill's at all. Except maybe $50. Now granted I can see where some of you would say he shouldn't have to pay for any of the bills here, if he's not currently here which I understand. but he's not even trying to help pay our cellphone bill. His solution to the fact that our phones are going to be shutoff is to just forget about it and go get a prepaid phone. Now I've had the same cellphone company for 7 years. Not to mention I've been working on rebuilding my credit after filing bankruptcy last year. So when he said that I was infuriated. I did calmly tell him that that is not an option nor the way i handle things. It's been harder because I had surgery 3 weeks ago and I missed a little over a week of work, on top of I'm part time and now they've cut hours so I don't even get what used to be the minimum of 25 hours a week. And I have considered getting another part time job, but on also trying to overextend myself and screw my shoulder recovery because I've also just started school. I've not had to worry so much because my veterans disability does cover the rent for the apartment. but there's still about $900 in bills that have to be paid every month. Which he used to atleast help me pay the electricity and the phone bill. I always of course covered my car and insurance. but now I'm basically scrambling to cover for everything. It has boiled down to the fact that I'm now having to move in with friends because I can no longer afford all the bills. His response was I'm sorry baby but thats a good idea and basically that was it. Mind you, it did take a bit for me to realize the only bill he has where he's at is rent to the people he's living with. Thats only 250. And he sends $50 child support every week for his daughter. I know he has child support taken out for his son. but he gets paid every week, where I only get paid every 2 weeks. And I'm lucky now if its $150 And he's currently making a good bit more than me. He goes to the gym every day on his dime and he buys protein powder and pre-workout supplements as well. But says he can't send anymore money. Is it wrong of me to be fed up? I've been thinking about ending things and just getting a fresh start. Especially since at 33 I'm having to move in with friends to get my together. on top of now I'm going to school and still recovering from shoulder surgery. Am I being stupid or what?
  3. If anyone has been following my posts you may be familiar with my last ex-bf and how close I was to his mother. I've always considered her my second-mother, so the news was very hard to take. Last Thursday she called to tell me she was diagnosed with a grapefruit sized tumor and it is most likely malignant because of her family history with cancer. Her mother died at 74 from ovarian cancer- she is only 60 though. She is due for surgery next week. Because of this I have recontacted my ex to see how he is doing under the situation and to tell him to keep me up-to-date on the details of her condition. I have first-hand experience myself having gone through chemotherapy as I too was diagnosed and survived large spreading tumors last February. And if you've followed my posts, one of the main reasons I broke up with my ex-bf was because he chose not to help me out during/after my emergency tumor surgery/or chemo. The tables have turned and I have some resentment towards my ex. I wouldn't be resentful if he didn't go out of his way to justify why he wasn't there for me last year. I think I would feel better if he would just acknowledge he was wrong and seriously apologize to me. Instead, he apologizes by making excuses and justifications and compares why my situation was different than the situation he is now facing with his mother and why he wasn't there for me. He says "For you, I knew in the end it wasn't serious...but for her, and knowing the family history-- I know it's serious." Ok...in my book, I had to go through chemo anad everything--- so what about MY case wasn't serious to him??? Anyway, despite all his excuses I still just wish he would apologize to me for abandoning me when all of this was happening to me. And that's it... no excuses, no justifications... just a serious, heartfelt apology. In the meantime, I've been trying to support him and have been trying to be positive and hopeful and just be there to let him talk to me... but underneath my support I have this nagging resentment and anger inside me that makes me almost NOT want to try to help him and just be there for her. What would be the best way to deal with this situation? I want to be there for her 100%... but being there for HIM just seems completely unjustifiable; however, not being there for him just seems completely morally and ethically wrong. What do I do? Help please!!
  4. This quite possibly has been the toughest and hardest week of my life. Last Sunday as I posted about here ( link removed ) Was my Godson's 2nd birthday hard because I was shut of his life 9 months ago being told "I don't need you anymore I have my boyfriend now". Tuesday was my 20th Birthday I woke up at 5am. Not because I was excited but because I heard my Dad screaming in pain. I went to him and woke up my Mum who called an Ambulance at about 5:30am he went into St Georges Hospital. Where he underwent tests. He was put onto the surgical assessment ward awaiting further scans and tests. He never got the scan done on Tuesday partly due to a Bank Holiday backlog and partly because the Hospital was struggling to control his breathing, as I left him at about 8pm on Tuesday night he was in pain but apart from that was chatty and seemed ok. The next day my Mum went up to the hospital in the morning and again he was chatty and the pain control given had started to kick in. We were told to call in the afternoon which we did, we were told he had gone down for his scan. We later called back to be told he was ill and he wanted us at the hospital. We get there and the change was unbelievable. He had swollen to twice his size. He was incoherent shouting God Bless America, saying goodbye and wondering what he had done to deserve what was happening to him. He was struggling to breath even with the aid of a mask. We were told that either he had suffered a ruptured Gall Bladder or another part of his bowel had died, whatever the cause fluid was seeping out of his stomach, his only chance was surgery. After spending 4 hours waiting at the hospital we were told that he couldn't have the surgery immediately due to the his blood levels being too low so his blood wouldn't clot during surgery. We were also told it would be a minimum of 4 hours before the IV fluid designed to increase blood count would take effect. We go home and at about 3:15am Thursday we get a call saying his breathing had deteriorated and there was no chance of him surviving surgery and that he would die. I decided I wanted to say goodbye so my Mum and myself go to the hospital at 4am to say our goodbyes. He looked so peaceful like he was sleeping normally as they had given him morphine to get him comfortable. We leave at 6am and then at 1pm we get another call saying we were to get to the hospital ASAP. My cousin who had come over gave us a lift but unfortunately he had died just before we got there. To say this was a shock is an understatement. There was no prior indication anything was wrong before Tuesday, in fact on Sunday he was as happy as he had been in ages making all these plans for things he wanted to do, cracking jokes. Friday I had to go to the Town Hall to cancel my University funding as I have to go to work now and support my family. But I decided to go to a Jewelers and get a watch my Mum and Dad had brought me for my BDay adjusted so I could wear it. It was an Aresnal watch (my favourite Football/Soccer team) the Jeweler starts his work and then notes to his assistant "We got an Gunner here." She replies: "Someone has to be are they all as glum as him?" I was so angry I swear I nearly bit a hole in my tongue. I can't believe this week, my Dad and I had all these plans for the future he was going to fund me through some further education I wanted to do outside of Uni, he was going to teach me to drive. He was someone that I truly didn't know how much I needed in my life and how much I appreciated him until he is gone! There are so many things I never got to say to him and so many things I regret saying and doing. I can't believe he is gone!
  5. I have been pretty cool down for this past week and I feel a lot better for the breakup (he said we splitted, not break up - he said he didn't want us to go further to the point that we had to break up) that I had with my date 11 days ago. Here is my short story. We dated for 6 months and he called it quit becase he said he couldn't be my bf and he needed to see others even though he liked me a lot. We were great together. I cried at first when we talked on the phone but I handled it well when he came to talk about the breakup in person with me (no nagging, no crying, no pleading - just smiling with empty face). He wanted us to be friends and said he would call but I didn't hear from him since the breakup. We never be friends. We dated right away when we met and I don't know how to be friend with him. So, here is my question. We didn't talk or anything for 11 day so far and he is going to have a surgery probably next week or so. Should I call him after the surgery to see how it goes? I know he will be Okay but I also know thta he is very frustrated about it.
  6. My problem does not consist of the usual relationship ordeal. My problem is that when i get a job, which i've had a job since i was 16, i'll be 20 in November, i tend to get bored with it really quick. I get used to the job and then I get bored and want to move up in the company or out, which ever is more feasible. I thought I wanted to get into technology, i took some computer classes and networking classes and now I'm leaning towards my old major that I wanted to get which is Anestegiology (sp?) which is putting peep's to sleep when they have surgery and I'm gonna start by being a Radiologist (x-ray tech) first. Any suggestions on how I can overcome my boredom with jobs?
  7. It has not been a good month. I went through this huge issue my girlfriend being pregnant, she wasn't (phew), then we broke up. Now my mother has discovered a growth on the back of my lower head (upper neck) which has been there so long I thought it was a part of my skull. According to the net this could be a cyst of many kinds, and I'm scared crapless about surgery or having people poke my head to drain some fluid. It hasn't grown, and it never ever hurts, does anyone know about these things. It's about the size of a pea.
  8. I went out with this guy a couple of Wednesdays ago. The date went great. He called to go out again the next week, but I couldn't because I was having minor surgery out of town. I talked to him a couple of days afterwards, but now it has been a week, and I still haven't heard from him. Should I call him?
  9. hi all..i've just realised i've got an in growing nail in my left toe i'm so very depressed! well, some of you might recommend seeing a doctor, but just to let you know, i had a similar experience 2 years ago, where my RIGHT toe had an in growing nail that required surgery. i'm feeling pretty traumatised about it as i know how it's like to undergo this similar surgery again, only on my other toe. *sigh* i wonder why we have toes with nails in the first place.. i can't sleep at night, and i fear that it would get only worst, but i'm terrified in the thought of seeing a doctor! HELP!
  10. Hi, I'm a 22 year old male, and I am thinking about getting cosmetic surgery to correct my protruding ears. My self esteem has taken a pretty big hit from the 'jokes' over they ears... Honestly, what do you think of people who get this done? If people find it bizzarre and wouldn't want anything to do with me, I think I would be worse off than before - although not by much, since I'm pretty reclusive already. Thank you! P.S. Is it just me, or does this smiley look like a car salesman?
  11. has anyone had or known someone who has had a sinus lift and dental implants? how was the recovery? surgery? were they happy with the results? I'm pretty terrified of the idea but I think it will make a big improvement in my quality of life.
  12. Hello, So i am 20years old and i had a circumcision surgery last year. I didnt have a girlfriend that time so around 1 month ago almost a year after my surgery i was with a girl and i finally had sex after my surgery. Before my surgery i could last atleast for 10 minutes minimum but now i barely last 3 minutes, even less sometimes. We even had sex 3-4 times a day and even at that time i felt i was cumming at the very beginning let's say around 30-40 second? Like realllyyy fast. I am feeling very bad about this so this is why i made an account on this site just to ask if anyone knows anything about this had an experience or anything and how to improve this? Any response is helpful
  13. I've always known I had issues with things like depression and anxiety, but after turning 25 recently it hit me how dysfunctional I am in general and I'm not sure what the best steps are to take to get help. I grew up with an alcoholic narcissist mother (father wasn't there much) and she sent me away to a wilderness and boarding school program at age 16. After getting out at age 18 I didn't know how to adjust back to the real world and started smoking weed all day every day. I also started stripping as I had issues keeping other jobs and focusing in school due to my addictions. It's now been almost 7 years of stripping and I've spent the majority of my money on plastic surgery which was not a wise idea (I have severe body dysmorphia, not that its a valid excuse for my actions). Over time I've developed alcoholism myself and I have an average of 5-10 drinks almost every day, and more recently a bit of a coke addiction as well. I'm currently staying back with my mom as she recently had surgery and I've been helping her out, but now she is healed and wants me out of her house and I'm not sure what the best move is. She is aware of my situation but doesn't really seem too concerned about it (my father is mentally ill himself and though he is a loving dad, can barely help himself yet alone me). Do I go to rehab? Counseling? AA meetings? I can tell it's a matter of time before something extremely disastrous happens. I'm not trying to come off with a victim mentality as I realize I've done this to myself, I'm just genuinely unsure of what the next move is and don't feel like I have anyone to turn to and help me. I do have other family I can go stay with for awhile if need be but I still don't know the next steps to take for long-term solutions. Thanks in advance.
  14. Hi ENA, I broke my ankle at roller derby on 1/28/19; surgery to repair the bimalleolar fracture on 2/5/19. I had physical therapy for about 2 months after I was mobile, but due to an insurance snafu, I had to discontinue it about a month ago. I was given clearance to begin skating lightly again on 6/27/19, but after three attempts, my ankle just isn't having any of it. I bought new skates that come up over my ankle (as the surgeon recommended), and I wear compression socks to improve circulation, but I can't wear any type of sleeve or brace because my skates would be too small (although they may stretch a little once they are broken in more). I deal with pretty extreme stiffness from the injury, and the surgeon warned that this may be a lifetime thing, because apparently I have an uncommon issue where part of one bone is growing in towards the other one where there's usually only tissue. He said I could get another surgery to remove it, but it'll likely just grow back. So I'm already working with a disadvantage due to that. I do the "normal" exercises that loosen the ankle and assist with stretching it (circles, "tracing" the alphabet, stretching along a wall, etc), but it doesn't seem to have made much difference. At home I have a treadmill and free weights, along with a weight bench and weights to go on the bar over the bench, but those won't really do much in terms of ankle strengthening. I just continue to feel stiff and I'm not really even able to jog, let alone skate. I get pain on the outside of the ankle towards the foot, under where the new plate is. Does anyone have any ideas for at-home things I can do to try and strengthen the ankle so I can skate again? Thanks :)
  15. Please help, i have been in a relationship for almost 4 years, one of them it was a long distance relationship but throughout the relationship there been a lot of fights and discussions, something that was weird but ultimately seemed normal, but as time goes by it has escalated. My gf main arguments is that I am not strong enough and I don't seem manly, that I am clumsy and that it seems as I was always with my head somewhere else, that I am slow, and she calls me a kid. I am an introvert, and I take my time to do things such as cooking something or sweeping the floor or such but I don't consider myself dumb or inmature, I lived abroad for 6 years and at this moment I am living with my parents because I used my savings to do a masters degree and I am saving again for buying an apartment of my own, I personally think if that is not at least being a bit smart and independent, I really don't know what is. I've been hitting the gym for almost a year three days a week and taking proteins trying to asses her claims on my lack of strength but my ectomorph body won't show major growth despite advances on the weight I lift compared to when I entered and that gives here grounds to keep on complaining; also followed 6 months in a dance course to address another complain yet she still says is not enough cause I still look stiff while dancing. She has had several problmes during the last months, she did a laser operation on her, eyes then had a skin infection a cousin of her died and I've been with her day and night in the hospital at her home during and while at times she acknowledges then she says that I am no support for her because of "the way I am". I feel unrequited and generally sad, giving my everything and most of the times being shouted at or insulted with things such as slow or child when I take long to cook dinner or something like that. Being in this relationship feels like a chore, having to face that after returning from work. Most importantly there have been episodes where I've been physically attacked, never with full force but once it left a mark of scratches in my neck, I never do anything else than trying to hold her arms for her to stop. In those episodes she throw anything that is near against me or to the ground, twice i was hit with keys and she has destroyed three phones, one of which I lendes her after she destroyed the other, the most recent one she wanted to charge me because "it was my fault as I made her mad". On december I noticed that while being on a lunch That my parents offered for new years eve, she was absent minded chatting with some guy, I must admit I sttepped a line and checked her phone some days later and found out she was flirting with the guy and they were sending each other kisses and such. When we talked about it and cleared the air on the faults of each other in the episode she agreed not to talk with the guy again. After that I've done my best to bury the episode, regretfully I've brought it back on a couple of discussions, nevertheless, she brings that up when accusing me of something saying that "thats why she was flirting with him" and "that if I don't change she the same will happen with other guys". I found that extremely offensive and the last time she brought it up I gathered all my willpower and in the most calm manner said that if that is how she pictured the relationship it was better to break up now, after saying that and while stepping through the front door she shouted that if I left I was going to have to carry her body while inserting in her mouth several pills that she gathered from the house. I returned to make her spit the pills and when she sppited them the discussion resumed and told me that it was my ego that didn't let me change to be more "agile, strong, manly and independent" to which I only could answer that I am doing my best to be a human being in this world and to make her happy but if it isn't enough it was better for both of us to break up. Once again while reaching to the front door she grabbed a knife and threw it against a table injuring her fingers in doing so. She had to go to surgery because she cut her tendons and is now wearing a cast and have limited mobility on those fingers. During this time I haven't have the heart to break up, and still trapped doing my best for taking care of her, today is the third day in a row I get insults for failing at tasks sich as fast dinner, bringing the correct things to her lap or applying cream. I am afraid to even mention any of my feelings as it can unleash a reaction that can worsen her wound from surgery. But I cannot resist any longer, and for moments I dont know if she crossed the line or I'm genuinely screwing things up that I deserve the insults. I'm lost, tired and desperate. Ps I suggested her to go to a psychologist following the knife episode, at first she agreed, but on another occassion I reminded her about it she said I am doing it for me and did a movement that hurt her wounded finger, luckily nothing serious.
  16. Hello, Im new here so not sure if this is the right place for this. Anyways over the last weekend my girlfriend of 2 years made the decision to take a break which caught me totally off guard. To get to the point a little quicker over the last year i got too comfortable and started to take her out less (almost never) and she started to feel neglected which I totally understand. I asked her to talk a few days later and we did for about 3 hours where I put it all on the plate admitting that I totally saw where I went wrong and that she means the world to me and that I can turn myself around. She told me she is still very much in love with me and doesnt want it to end but that I need to put in the work to show her I really mean it. To give a little more information about myself I am preparing over the last few months for some surgery that is probably the thing I am most fearful of in this world but it needs to get done. Her mom reached out to me and talked to me about it and she told me she would really like to see me with her daughter and so did her brother, I spent thanksgiving day with her and her family mind you this is about 4 days after we broke up. I really want to make this work and keep her in my life she truly means the world to me and im just not really sure what to do at this point. I am treating this as I am completely starting over in terms of making my mentality that I am falling in love with her again and talking her out on dates (Like I should have been) and really showing her what she means to me. Any input would be amazing and im sorry for being kind of all over the place in this post im not usually someone who posts to threads. Thanks
  17. My husband is currently overseas, and while playing soccer, he twisted his knee, and hurt his meniscus. I'm not sure how bad it is yet, but he says that they're talking about surgery. I need to know what to do to help him, and how to support him after the surgery. PLEASE HELP ME~!~
  18. link removed this is a really good article in this week's Savage Love. he has good information on all those so called "penis enlargement pills and surgeries." one word: DON'T!!!
  19. It's interesting to note all the variations on what people feel rape is. Simply put, rape is non-consensual sex. We've had everything from rape being: A). sex without consent obtained verbally and throughout the act B). rape being what a "reasonable person" would consider it to be C). sex that the perpetrator knows is against the will of the victim In the latter case, of course, rape is only what the rapist defines it to be. Convenient for the rapist, not so good for their victims. However, consider that some of the posters may come from areas where women have few legal rights, and laws against rape may be new to those societies. Those people do not understand a legal tradition that springs from a culture where women have had rights for hundreds of years. Both traditions will feel they are "right;" both will be sure they are occupying the moral high ground. So, without expecting consensus of opinion, it is worth considering our personal idea of what rape is. Even within a single culture, there will be differences of opinion. For example, some people may feel that rape is impossible in a marital relationship; the battered wife in hospital with a perforated intestine would beg to differ. Can we imagine a man who uses sex to hurt his wife? Can we then agree that rape is possible within a marital situation? I define rape for myself as sex that is non-consensual at any point in the act. For example, if I went in for a surgery, signed the papers, willingly went under the anaesthetic, and then the surgeon went to town on me and did all kinds of horrible things, he would be thrown in jail. If he removed the wrong organ, he would be again be liable. My consent to surgery did not imply consent to him doing whatever he wanted. My body was my own at all times during the surgery; thus, he didn't have the right to do whatever he wanted, and it was incumbent on him to obtain consent for the actual procedures he performed. Similiarly, my consent to be in the same room with a man, does not imply consent to sex. In some cultures, it does. My consent to sleep in the same bed with a man does not imply consent to sex. To some people, it does. My consent to begin sex does not imply consent to finish, or do anything the other person wants; I have control over my body even then, and if my partner wants to do something I don't want to do, I have the right to say no. Even if I have already begun having sex. Many people question, is it rape: If you're compensated for it afterward, with money, gifts or favours? If you're unconscious, and unable to feel anything or give/deny consent? If you're married, or s/he's your boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have had a prior sexual relationship with this person? If you don't say no? If you don't fight? If you had an orgasm? If the rapist is a woman and the victim a man? For me, rape is that act that denies that we have the right to take control of what happens to us at all times. Consent is an on-going event, not a one-time thing. Consent to one act does not imply consent to others; many women who enjoy straight or vanilla sex would refuse to be tied up and gagged, or to engage in a threesome. We all, men and women, have the right to refuse, at any point, anything that we do not want. I am taking personal rights to the furthest extreme in this regard, but ultimately, if anyone feels that they do not agree, and that they would happily cede control of their body to someone who would hurt them or debase them, that person may argue in good conscience with me.
  20. I got dumped about 2 weeks ago last sun and I thought that's what I wanted to and didnt fight it. I was very good and held on to my NC and went out everynight distracting myself. Then a week ago sun she called me and basically was pissed at me cause she labelled me a liar and blamed me for the whole relationship falling apart. She asked if we were going to be able to be friends and I told her i don't know and that I would need time. I told her being friends would be difficult for me cause I would sitll have feelings for her and she basically told me she has so many guy friends that way and that I should deal with it or not try and be friends with her. She keeps doing little things trying to getting me to talk to her like away messages online and I really would like to talk to her cause I miss her soo much but I don't want to put myself through more hurt cause as much as I am hurting right now, I don't want to back to being miserable. I had surgery last fri and the night before she called me to wish me goodluck and I missed her call so after listening to her message I texted her saying just the word "thanx" and she immediately got online and messaged me saying "I was hoping I could atleast say that to you directly not your voicemail!" and just signed off. Since then I texted her once on sat thanking her for thinking of me. Since then I just see her online and have been holding myself back from contacting her. I don't really know what to do. On one hand I do want her in my life but I don't think I can handle just being friends and on the other hand I have some hope that we can work things out but am not banking a lot on that. I've been stuck in the house for about 4 straight days now, because of my surgery, and can't watcy tv or anything cause its causing me headaches, I can't really sleep cause I am awake after like 15 mins and can't fall back asleep and I am going to be stuck alone for another week atleast. So all I have is time to think, thinking about me and her and I miss her a lot! If someone has any remedies to how I can distract myself or if I should make the call to clear things up please let me know.
  21. Ok everyone! I've been posting about my break up for a little while. We had a date on Friday. I met him at his house, we went to have dinner, watched a movie back at his house, drank some wine, watched some tv, talked about things we have going on, he made some comments that made me believe he wanted to see me again, said he was bummed that he wouldn't get to see me again until Sept (he's going on a business trip). He was all over me, cuddling, touching, etc. I of course played it cool and didn't initiate any of the contact, but I was receptive to it. He'd get excited about hearing about my school plans and work, etc. and asked me a bunch of questions about what I have planned. We were clicking again. Anyways, I ended up drinking more wine than I should have and before I knew it, it was 3am. We live an hour apart, and I was falling asleep on the couch, so I was in no position to drive! So he said I should just stay over (I didn't plan on doing that). I slept in his bed with him, but left my clothes on! He cuddled and spooned with me pretty much the whole night. In the morning, I woke up to some back of the neck kissing and seduction. I told him that I couldn't do anything since I had just had surgery. He said ok and gave me our "signature" smootchies, which I didn't return (playing it cool...). Then we talked in bed for an hour or so. I joked about it being a good thing I left my clothes on last night since he was Mr. Seducer! Then he asked me if I didn't ever want to do that with him anymore. I said I don't know and again blamed my surgery recovery. Then I went home, no hug or kiss goodbye. Some of my friends are telling me that since he tried to have sex with me, he's just interested in a "friends with benefits" thing, sex with no commitment. He didn't bring up the relationship or getting back together, and neither did I, but he knows that I want to get back together. When I asked him about it earlier in the week he said he needed some time to think about it. He's really not the kind of guy that is into that sort of thing. I've tried the no strings attached thing before, and it didn't feel like this. Am I over thinking? It didn't feel like he just wants a f*** buddy when I was there with him. It FELT like he wants to start things up again. Am I just letting my friends' comments get to me? I haven't heard from him since Sat morning, I'll let him contact me again since he acted so interested. I want to ask him next time I talk to him, but I know that might be too soon to bring it up. I'm thinking I should bring it up if he tries again the next time we hang out. Then I'll tell him "I only have sex with men I'm in committed relationships with." Let me know what you all think!! You guys always give such good advice!! Thanks!
  22. All right this is long but please read the entire thing i need HELP...I've been "dating" this girl named Cassie for almost 6 months...we had known each other for 3 years before this and were more like best friends and one day we admitted how we felt about each other. The problem is there is this other guy named Daniel who she also had feelings for and that prevented us from officially going out. So she barley ever hangs with Daniel, they've been out together a few times but she barley hangs out with him and in all honesty Dan is actually one of my really good friends and me and him might as well be brothers...we both like the same stuff and basically look the same we might as well be the same guy. All right so as you can guess she is confused but when i tell you what I've done and how much she and I have done together in the past 6 months and compare it to Dan this is where i don't get whats so hard about her decision....I've met her entire family...they all love me and i love them...and vice versa about her and my family...I've been on a family vacation with them to Washington D.C. and led them around the city cause i know it really well...I got her a beautiful necklace for her b-day...she had surgery on her legs and i came back from my family vacation a day early so i could go with her family to UVA where she had to get her surgery...then not counting the two weeks before that where i was with her almost every day....i was beside her while she had to stay in the houes almost constantly for two weeks...i was there every single day helping out...cooking dinners to help her mom out....even redrilled holes in her crutches to fit her exact height and just generally spent time with her. I've told her that i love her and she was constantly saying "I love you so much" and "I wish you were here with me" when i was on the phone with her...we've even done some physical things (not intercourse but some other stuff)....we've been kissing for 4 months....now all of a sudden Dan took her out a couple of times and he told her he liked her...then her mom found out and scolded her and made her feel bad because apparently she likes both of us still...and finally i can even see her having trouble saying "I love you" and she doesn't jump at the chance to kiss me as much as she did. I still spend a lot of time with her...but idk what to do anymore...i'm so frustrated but i can't let her go cause she's the only girl i care about and she knows that...but she just can't make a decision between me and Dan even though she says she likes me more....i'm like losing sleep over this stuff and its killing me...so please please give me some advice i need it so badly
  23. Update after the date I was posting about last night in my other thread.. Whew !,,,, Well I made it through the date last night with out being a big bundle of nerves. He was about 15 minutes late, so I started to feel uneasy for a bit. He had forgotten to tell me he had to stop for gas before he headed over. We met at the little restaurant that I had mentioned before. We had a delicious dinner and chatted for quite a while. After the dinner we went over to this casino/bingo/ dog racing establishment and stayed there for about 3 hours playing a few slots,listened to some music and sat in the lounge area and had an after dinner drink. He seemed pretty outgoing , and talkative and we do have a few common interests. He was complimenting me on my hair, because he said he loves long hair on a woman. But he was not being overly flirty or anything. He didn't put any " moves" on me at the end of the evening. Which I was glad I didn't have to deal with that on a first date. But here is the part where I have a little bit of concern. The conversation flowed, as in there were not any awkward quiet moments. However, much of his conversation was about HIM and his late wife. He never really asked that much about me, or my life, kids, family. I heard all about his personal ailments, surgeries, heart attacks, etc. Then I heard a three month scenario of how his wife died. I would try to lead the conversation in a different direction, but each time that I would tell something about myself and my life, and sort of leave the door open for him to ask questions, he would go right back to the conversation about his ailments and his late wife. I was a bit put off by that. I know that I am probably not going to find a guy that is in my age range that absolutely has no health issues ofsome sort. BUT,,,,, gosh , this scared me when he said he had already had two angioplasties, with stent placement and two heart attacks, foot surgery, knee surgery and back surgery. He is 51 years old. Now , he is also a bit " rough around the edges". It is kind of hard to describe what I mean by rough round the edges. Ok , let me put it this way.... he is very very very " country " acting in his ways. As in kind of over the line from country to actually being a " redneck" as we call them in the south. His dining manners while we were having dinner were not that great. You know , talking with food in his mouth, kind of smacking when he talked and ate at the same time. I also kind of like it when a guy is kind enough to open and hold a door for me, but he would open a door and go out first ahead of me. It was like it never dawned on him to hold the door for me. The date has its plus side, in the fact that I got out of the house and actually went some where and had a nice diiner, went to the casino, music, drinks, but on the other hand I am just not sure I am comfortable seeing him again. At times he as pleasant enough, friendly, etc, but there were moments where I just felt out of place with him. He is already wanting to get together Saturday night. No plan was made. I told him we will talk later about it. Don't know how to handle that part just yet as I am not so sure I truly want to see him again. I am having quite a few reservations about letting it go any further with him. It is not my intention to sound as though I am being too picky about things. It is not that I think I am better than he is, but I just feel we have a different style, is the best way I can put it. But what do you all think? Am I too picky, am I too worried about health issues with a potential BF ? Am I expecting too much ?
  24. Welcome to my worst nightmare... Last Friday my daughter broke her ankle (broke tibia and phrond/fx) at gym. It's broke/fractured in two places. Next step is a CT scan which Dr said will reveal whether there is more damage and if she needs surgery/pins. It has been a long journey, people. My kid has been in gym for 13 years. We have built our lives around her endeavor to the extent that our gym family were are only friends outside of work and school. It is all gone now. We find ourselves hopelessly alone. Visited gym once (too many crutches/ casts can't be good for business ya know). She is non-weight-bearing for atleast 8 wks and then we will have PT and may not totally recover even in 6 months, with the prospect that her bones may always be weak. She is definitely out for the season and may not be able to do gym anymore at all. Up until the point of impact, things had been going great, too. Now, our lives are like a train wreck. Instead of running to gym 4x/wk (4-1/2 hrs/day). We are running to the hospital/dr. 2x/wk. Hard to believe, just one moment of weakness, lack of focus and our lives are changed possibly forever. Reducing her sports career to a few papers & ribbons. Devastating on the finances, too. $25,000 for surgery on a broken leg. I'm a single mom and yes, I have insurance. But, it's still an 80/20 co-pay. I was already overextended, now I'm completely stressed. Any words of encouragement are very much appreciated.
  25. ok, so i met a guy a few months ago and we've been dating since. he's younger than me by 10 years and just graduating from dental school before moving back to new york where he's from. we've been having fun and keeping things light. neither of us has been dating other people. a couple of weeks ago, one of my close family members died, which was quite a shock. he was nice on the phone, but didn't really step up to offer huge condolences/support the way i would have. then my dad went into the hospital for same major surgery and was in the ICU. (i told him about this beforehand.) the day of the surgery, he didn't call until 10:30 at night and then left me some silly message not even mentioning the surgery or asking how my dad was. this, despite the fact that tons of my other friends (including exes from months back) all called to express their care and concern earlier that day. this really left a bad taste in my mouth. i was at the hospital all week and he called and left a few messages. i finally called him back to say that i was just leaving the hospital and exhausted. i think then it clicked and he remembered the surgery. he was nice then asking if there was anything i needed. we talked on thursday and he asked me if i wanted to get together over this (past) weekend. i said i had already made other plans with girlfriends both nights. i called him on my way home last night (late) and he sounded alseep. even so, it sounded like he was blowing me off. given everything i've been through lately, i'm having a hard time trying to figure out what's right and what's not. i'm also feeling kind of lonely (sunday blues?) and not ready to deal with another loss in my life right now. then i remind myself that he will be leaving town in a month anyway. should i just forget about this one and assume he's too immature/temporary to worry about?
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