Haywire

Hi, I have posted here before about having depression and wanting to die. Life is driving me crazy at the moment and I need to let out my feelings. In my life I have many wonderful things like family, friends, career etc and I appreciate them dearly. Depression can be made better by eliminating the things that cause it. What do you do when life itself makes you depressed? I want to explain exactly what I mean by this so you can have a good understanding of what I mean. Your born without choice, obligated to live and will someday die. Life is so unfair. I was watching a television show about a young guy who had suddenly got a disease that has left him bed ridden and unable to speak for life. When that show finished I changed the channel and a Hollywood star was having an interview about how successful they were etc. I thought to myself that is so unfair. Don't get me wrong I hope people have an excellent life but why do some have it bad and others don't? Life is so fragile, you can get sick and die tomorrow or just be doing some work around the house have an accident and blind yourself for life. These types of things make me so sad. I hate this system in life. My goal in life is to find out what the truth is. If there is an answer out there it only makes sense to follow it. I feel so guilty these days just drinking a glass of water. I think that some poor people out there don't even have this. Is it their fault or is that just the way it is. For me living everyday is torture I hate all this crap. One kid is blessed with looks and brains while the other has major physical problems. How does that work? It's so unfair. Some babies are born, live a couple of days and then die. It sounds mean but they get the easy way out of life. Human error causes alot of the problems in life. I hate the stuff ups I have made in the past, it makes me feel so down just thinking about them. What makes me feel more down is that in life I will make more stuff ups here and there, nobody is perfect. When you die do you just die? I have so many questions. I'm going crazy! When I'm asleep I'm happy because I'm not living as such. The time goes by and I don't even know. That is paradise! I feel as though all the money, friends and family in the world cant cover up these things I feel. They are in my face all the time. Do I have to just put up with it? I really feel depressed about the things that happen to others. I don't want to witness all this stuff. Do I have a disorder? Am I a perfectionist? At the end of it all I appreciate everything I have because someone out there isn't as lucky as I am. To me dying looks like the only way out because all these things I have talked about will never change, its been going on like this for centuries. I would like to hear any comments that you might have. I want a way to work it all out. Thanks for your time.

Hi, At the moment I think life has no point, you are born without a choice and will someday die. I have had major depression since the age of 12 and I know exactly how your feeling because I have had all those thoughts before. Some of them I still have today. The only reason I still hang on to my life is because of my family and girlfriend, it would kill them if I did anything. Has something happened to you that has caused you to feel so depressed or has these feelings you have just come out of nowhere, so to speak. If something has happened what it is? If you just have these feelings for no real reason I would strongly suggest seeing a doctor. The type of depression I have comes from within the body at random not from bad events etc happening in my life. Basically my chemicals etc are messed up and I cant help it. You said that your family werent supporting you in all of this. I have experienced this before. To them they probably think its just a small thing that will pass and maybe it will. I think it would be best if you talk to your parents on serious note and tell them exactly how you feel. You said no one would miss you if you were gone. You might not notice it now but alot of people would. Its like that saying you dont know what you got until its gone. For now please talk to your parents then take it from there. I know how bad you must feel but for now try to live day by day. Please post all you want in here cause we are all here to help. At anytime feel free to private message me if you need to talk. Goodluck Jackie.

Thanks for your help guys. Regards

Thankyou guys for your support!

Hi Mar, Over the years I've asked people for help and guidance. I have asked God etc. At the end of the day I always seem to come back to where I am now. I have felt suicidal like I am now many times before. I think I have found a new outlook and way to deal with life then bang back on my buttox again. I thankyou for your help. I have tried what you have done and I have not progressed. I am not saying God dosent exist etc I am just saying that I am still really down. Thanks for your comments.

Thankyou ALL for your words. I have asked with an open heart for the truth about life and said that I want to do what is right in life. I have had no help. I dont know what seeing different peoples is going to do. Regards

Hi, avman Thanks for your words. I have no faith in anything, I am open to ideas. I would simply love to know the TRUTH about life. Is there a god or not etc etc. Currently I live only for my family and gf because I cant hurt them but right now my pain is getting that bad I want to die even if it hurts them. I would be so sorry but if they felt what I felt maybe they would understand. Regards

Hi, I am male and 25 years old. I have had major depression form the age of 12. I have been on anti-depressants and seeing a psychiatrist from the age of 20. Right now I wish I were dead. Its not that I just need a higher dose of anti-depressants and everything will be fine its life itself. I wish everyone in the world happiness and to be free of any troubles. If someone thinks life is great that's good I don't want to pull them down. For me I hate life and all its systems. You're born without a choice, forced to live and then sometime you will die. I have layed on my bed and prayed. I don't know which religion is true so I prayed simply saying, "God please help me, I would like to know the truth and how I should live my life, I feel like dying please help me". Unfortunately I have had no answers. I thought if there is a god nothing would be impossible for the god and that the god could help me. If someone asked you for help and you knew that they were feeling like me wouldn't you help them? As soon as I know I am awake in the morning I get a gut wrenching feeling. The only time when I'm happy is when I'm asleep. I could be given millions of dollars and women etc but I wouldn't feel any different. It drives me crazy to think that people around the world get killed by accident, why can't I be one of them? I feel like I am going insane most of the time. Why is one person given all the blessings in life while the other has to struggle through? Life is very unfair it makes me feel depressed. Even if I'm not experiencing the unfairness but someone else is I feel depressed. To me it's all much easier if your not alive. I think about suicide all the time and it seems to be the only answer but if I go ahead with it I'll hurt those close to me. At the end of the day you're trapped. Should I just keep suffering everyday so that I wont hurt those close to me? What do you do when you can't get out of bed to goto work because you're hurting so bad? Just say I die everyone will be upset but eventually life will go on. If I didn't have family and a girlfriend I would of done it by now. I'm just living for them. I have absolutely no interest in anything. I'm afraid that all this stuff I think and feel will never change and you will just have to deal with it until you die, that would be hell for me. Why is it so hard to know what you are here for on earth and what you should do. Is it just a case of there is nothing out there and you just do what you want? I'm making this entry in the forum because I am hurting badly. Please if there is anyone that can help me please do. Any help is much appreciated!