jackie1982

hey there iv just read ur message,and ur pm,ill pm u back,iv just been thro the same feelings so we can help eachother

sorry i put up a post last weekend, heres the link removed its not just about bein scared of life unfortunately god i wish it was. iv got to a point where im just so fed up of all these bad things happenin-that i just give up.my thoughts are just of dyin but im too scared of how

i wrote a msg on here b4, was only last weekend, this is the link removed its all in there why i feel so down, i tried b4 and some people hav tried,but im just goin further and further down, i just cannot no matter how hard i try see a way out! iv tried talkin to my parents but they just dont understand. when my grandad went thro a bad patch, my dad was sittin there sayin why is he bein like this,hes being out of order and ill never forgive him for this. and at the time i thought that was abit off but now i understand what my grandad was feelin i see that as a terrible thing to hav said. they just dont wanna understand.my mum tells me to stop bein silly! they just arent ever prepared to listen! after the rape, they were tryin to tell me how i should b feeling and wernt actually listenin to me tell them how i was really feeling. im just alone. my friends think im bein miserable they just dont care. i find it so difficult to open up to people as it is, so much just keeps goin wrong and at this rate,ill no doubt b dead by 25 anyway when somethin else happenes that kills me neway.i just feel too low to go on

all day every day-all i think is how i wanna just be away from all the hurt and pain im feeling,how i cant cope with bein alive anymore.i feel stupid talkin to any1 about it because they all just think im being annoyin and stupid. yet i cant stop thinking how i just wanna b dead-and the only thing that is stoppin me is that im too scared.im scared of pain,im scared of it going wrong,im scared of whats there.all i think is if only i could pluck up the courage.no1 would miss me,even my family arent supporting me thro my really bad time,they just think im a freak or somethin,my sister called me immature and that i need to grow up yesterday!cos i feel that life is worthless and pointless 4me.its got me down to a point where i cant go on and i dont know what to do.nothin EVER goes right and stays right for me.i know that the people that hav tried to help so far are just havin enough now.people hav tried but im still rock bottem!i cant live another day,i try but i just cant stand up i keep fallin back down!every1 in my past that has hurt me has got away with it,walked away still happy, or gettin away with their crime. its just me thats left to suffer. i cant rem the last time i was truly happy, one less person in this world wont make any difference will it! i fall asleep cryin knowin im useless and ask why am i still made to lie here and suffer. i just wanna fall asleep and never wake up

all day every day-all i think is how i wanna just be away from all the hurt and pain im feeling,how i cant cope with bein alive anymore.i feel stupid talkin to any1 about it because they all just think im being annoyin and stupid. yet i cant stop thinking how i just wanna b dead-and the only thing that is stoppin me is that im too scared.im scared of pain,im scared of it going wrong,im scared of whats there.all i think is if only i could pluck up the courage.no1 would miss me,even my family arent supporting me thro my really bad time,they just think im a freak or somethin,my sister called me immature and that i need to grow up yesterday!cos i feel that life is worthless and pointless 4me.its got me down to a point where i cant go on and i dont know what to do.nothin EVER goes right and stays right for me.i know that the people that hav tried to help so far are just havin enough now,i cant live another day,i try but i just cant stand up i keep fallin back down!every1 in my past that has hurt me has got away with it,walked away still happy, or gettin away with their crime. its just me thats left to suffer. i cant rem the last time i was truly happy, one less person in this world wont make any difference will it! i fall asleep cryin knowin im useless and ask why am i still made to lie here and suffer. i just wanna fall asleep and never wake up

iv been here myself,havin an ex boyfriend that has causes her some hurt will b difficult.my best advice is to stand by her.she isnt sayin it as any offence to u,itd most prob be the same if she were with any other guy. it will take time and alot of patience on ur behalf,because shes not sayin it out of spite its because shes mayb worried of bein hurt again?in time if you stand by her she will trust u more and more and open her heart to u more and more,prove to her ur not like her last boyfriend by standin by her is the best thing u can do,because its prob not gonna go away just like that.if she needs space then give it to her,but try not to suffocate her. let her know ur there for her, its gonna take time. its only been 2months for u guys,she wont have completely let her guards down yet, and she prob wont for a another few months. if she is worth it then just b there. i was very insecure because of bein treated badly in a past relationship and my new bloke just walked away from me because he couldnt hack it,and i was gutted,because everything else about the relationship was perfect. i see him as a weak man now because he didnt stand by me and realise it was my insecurities, not me that was makin me say bad things. if hedv stood by me and made me stronger then idv appreciated that more than anything in the world. mayb take her on a few little romantic meals out or take her on a day out somewhere,make her laugh,all go out with mates together, give her somethin to look forward to,make her feel special again and that the future isnt gonna b full of bad things like the past.i dont know what this last guy did,but im 99% sure that shes not sayin she doesnt feel loved because of what ur doin...

my advice is simple.....dont get involved till u know for a fact shes single...seein her while shes still with this guy will most prob get very messy...and it aint fair on the boyfriend either

thats the thing tho,i hav cried,i cry so much.iv been to pieces the last 3 weeks but nothin what so ever is helping.i actually feel like i cant talk to my friends,i feel like im just bein stupid.i think i understand what ur friend was goin thro,i cant talk to ne of my friends cos i actually feel like they just think im stupid.theyd just b like oh well never mind get on with ur life,u got lots to look forward to blah blah but thats just it,i aint got nethin to look forward to.i just want some1 to take this pain away but no1 can can they.its not like its just a recent thing,its been my whole life thats just goin wrong. i didnt deal with bein raped very well, i went to pieces there and wanted to kill myself,i was refusing to do nethin about it,gettin any help,and my friends got so fed up because i was so unhappy and wernt doin nethin about it,they didnt understand.i feel like im just bein stupid,i seem 2b the unlucky one that just keeps gettin knocked back again and again and again.i hav just had enuf,i cant take it anymore.i wanna go home b with my family who live so far away but i cant even do that becuase i hav the bad memories of the cheating ex there.that nearly destroyed me.it just keeps happenin over and over again,IV HAD ENUF!!!!WHEN AM I EVER GONNA B HAPPY!im not am i!im cursed.i feel like im shoutin and nothings comin out and no1 really understands and wants to try listenin.i was depressed in the summer and i met this guy and he made me happy!i had a reason to b me and keep on goin!and now hes left-because im not good enuf!i tried so hard,but im so insecure,iv got no self esteem and i just feel empty and scared about living another day-because im scared of havin to feel this hurt over and over again.

i dont think i can go on anymore.some of u may hav been followin my story in the "breaking up" forum.i just split up with a bloke who i really loved and i cant help but blame myself.but it isnt just about that anymore.i feel so low at the min,i just dont know how to get myself out of it.things hav never gone right for me.as a kid i was bullied,my dad used to hit me,i got involved with a guy who cheated on me by sleepin with my best mate who i grew up with,and got his ex pregnant then he went bk to her.i didnt get into the uni of my choice or get to do the course i wanted to,iv struggled with the course i am doin,last summer i was raped,my grandads got cancer, and now breakin up with this guy i was seein who i loved seems to b the last straw.nothin EVER goes right and stays right.i tried seein a counciller after wot happened in the summer-she didnt help.and so i dont know wot else to do,i dont wanna b alive nemore.im fed up and scared when somethin does go right that that will just go wrong.just like this guy iv just been with,he was perfect and i cant help but blame myself.iv got my finals for uni in 6 weeks yet i cant even concentrate. and i know what every1 will say,u gotta give it time,go do this and that for urself.iv tried,but i cant,im not strong enuf nemore.iv got no confidence,i cant even use the phone,im in tears to my mum everyday,there 100 miles away. i am not physically or emitionally strong enuf and i feel theres no point me even bein here.guys just hurt me,my mates are all leavin in the summer when uni finishes and i feel sooooo alone.i feel like no1s ever gonna love me for me,i feel like im just living life alone and i dont wanna feel like that.im about to finish my degree and iv got no job or nethin to go for,i just see a future of nothinness,i feel completely worthless.wots the point,iv got nothin to live for,if its just gonna b full of hurt and i keep gettin knocked back b4 iv even got bk on my feet then i give up.

and in responce to S4il-u obviously havnt been following my story.me tellin him he still needs space to sort his head out wont hav come that much of a shock-thats the reason he gave in the first place for wanting some space.

i cant do this,every mornin im wakin up with such a horrible feelin in my stomach,a massive lump in my throat,i know his feelings 4 me hav obviously changed and i cant help but blame myself,why werent i good enuf 4 him,why didnt he try?why am i left feelin so empty and like i cant go on. hes left a dvd here and i keep thinkin arr a little txt to tell him,let him know if he wants to txt me he can.i dont feel im strong enuf to just stop thinkin about him,yet i need to because iv got my finals in 2 months,iv been goin out thurs nite i went out and got so drunk i had to b brought home early,this is affecting me so bad and i wish id given him his space,i know yer i cant go bk and change the past and yer i know we gotta learn from our mistakes but i cant go on,i dont feel like im strong enuf to go on nemore.im never gonna b good enuf.what did i do wrong?i cant stand the thought of some other girl makin him happy when i know at one point i did and i wanted to carry on bein that girl. he was so perfect 4me,this is too hard.id b dealing with this if he didnt mean so much!yet everything in this town now is gonna b a reminder,whenever i go into town ill remember the places we went to,remember him.i see other couples and its hurts, i see any romance between other people and i cant look,i wish i could just forget about him but i cant...im not jokin i seriously cant deal with this,why did i screw up so bad.i feel so humiliated

mayb by me sayin no contact, he mite actually not come bk,even although he mite want to? deep down all along iv been wantin him to come bk to me in time. hes not a guy to fight for somethin,when we had arguments even if it was him that had upset me it ended up bein me that was doin the effort to make things up. hes just not the type of guy to fight for somethin,but to run away and hide...every1 has their faults hey. this hurts like hell, i cant get him out of my head and im scared iv just lost the chance to b friends and mayb end up bein more again.as he has problems too.i cant stop thinkin about it and the more i think about it the more im beginnin to regret it? i know everything uv said there is right, but i just cant find the strength. i just keep thinkin if only i stayed on the scene then he wont b gettin over me so quickly and mayb start again. every situation is different right? all thro my life men hav just hurt me, my last serious boyfriend slept with my best mate aswell as gettin his ex pregnant, and i was so happy to finally find sm1 that actually loved me for me and treated me so well, i dont understand why it had to go wrong,i loved him soooooo much!i know even of he wanted to,he wont b makin contact now,wot if iv blown my chance.im still regrettin......i feel so stupid

if he really cared,he wouldnt hav just gone ok?cos if he cared he wouldnt wanna lose me?

i dont rekon it means that he dont care,cos it may well b that hes not contactin u because it hurts him too much to b in contact.iv just told my ex that i dont think we should hav contact nemore,its not that i dont care its because it hurts too much because i still love him and wanna b with him. its just fate tellin u it wernt meant to b i guess. how long were u with him?its just about bein strong,its a part of history but ur gonna end up clouding ur chances of bein happy again with sm1 else that will b there 4u and make u happy again.this is just life and i think it sucks.but what choice do we hav,we just gotta deal with whats happened.things happen for a reason and it will help u move on if hes not there.u gotta appreciate what u hav got, u only live once.i know exactly how u feel it hurts like hell, i tried bein friends with the guy cos i didnt wanna lose him but he wernt makin ne effort,now thats a guy that obv didnt care hey.u hav to b strong,keep tellin urself its for the best.ur too good to b beatin urself up over this,its not ur fault and theres not much u can really do. its just fate. u can find sm1 else,but can u imagine how much it will hurt u when he finds sm1 else?i feel sick just thinkin about that.give urself sometime, its still gonna hurt but it will get better in time.uv got one life,u mite aswell make the most of it cos the worst feelin in the world...is feelin of regret.u did ur best,its not ur fault....dont waste another day

hi guys for all those that hav been givin me advice,iv done it,iv cut the ties.he wernt makin any effort to b friends,i was doin well,i didnt contact him for a few days,but then he came on msn and i made the mistake of makin the contact and sayin hi,and he wernt really sayin much and i was startin to punch myself for sayin hi.i asked him if he missed me and he said abit yer,i said abit?and he said i miss the closeness...not even sayin he missed me!i felt so shit and was back to square 1.so afterwards i txt him sayin "i dont think we should hav contact nemore,because its hurtin me 2much i still love u and wanna with u,and u need time to sort ur head out" (was that a bad message?)and he just replied with ok if u think thats for the best.he wernt even bothered!!!!!!!i feel so so like poo now guys, i rekon im gonna end up regrettin this cos he was so special, and i liked him so much.mayb when iv done my exams and finished uni in the summer i could call him see how hes goin?why do i feel like i regret this already guys help!!!