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Why does it always go in my mind to die. Especially when I’m driving or outside or even home. Like if I don’t wake up. I’m okay. Like if i get to an accident I’m good. But not like I don’t want to do it myself. Like I don’t want to harm myself but like anytime I’m good if my time is up. Like I want it to happen already but I don’t want to do it myself. Is this okay?

Long story short I am A 21-year-old female I play this online game called secondlife. I also made an account for it on instagram that is now turned into my own personal account. I have been bullied for the past almost 3 years starting from one person who is a 30 year old male. He’s known to get peoples information, black mail them, send death threats & even the police to their house making false accusations for wellness checks. I’m seeking help because i have a past of depression & suicide attempts. This matter is more than serious for the fact this man has taunted me on the internet about my mental health , my house being shot up back in 2019 & still posting …

I can't stand my life anymore and I have to talk to somebody. The thing is, I don't want any attention from my family or friends so I can't talk to them but they're part of the problem anyway so this is the only place I can turn to. I am so withdrawn that I can barely talk to my family anyway so that is not an option. Here's my life in a nutshell. I am 38 years old but I have to live with my mom. My parents divorced when I was a teenager but my dad has gotten increasingly controlling and smothering and judgemental and negative, etc. so that's a constant source of stress for me. I got laid off from my good paying job 2 years ago and all I've been able to get are part ti…

I was sexually assaulted and I have a very inconsistent mother and we've always been estranged and I've accepted that but a few weeks ago I guess I felt comfortable I regretfully blurted it out to her, she started being nice to me which was something I found weird at the time. I knew that this attention would eventually fade and we'd be estranged again but I was so desperate to run into someones arms and I chose the wrong person. Today we got in an argument over something unrelated and I guess she thought I had an attitude because she blurted, "you act like I'm the one that sexually assaulted you" in front of my siblings. I told her this in private. I never blamed…

Hello to whomever may read this. I used to feel much more confident but since my father died of cancer during my study I feel like I lost my best friend. I tried to finish my study in time for him to see me graduate but sadly he passed before that happened. Ever since I feel like nothing I do has any great purpose anymore. I try to get my enjoyment from daily activities and am fairly happy living that way. On the other hand I can't seem to find any motivation to work on my paid phd as a medical doctor (setting up studies atm). I don't do enough at home and my gf feels like she has to do too much of the daily stuff. I have always felt inadequate about a lot of stuff …

Up to this day I still can't find my purpose to this life. Sometimes living feels like a punishment because pain is what I feel daily. As it is, I have socializing difficulties and always wanting to be alone. Truth is, I feel letting people in would result in being hurt and also me hurting them. Hence I feel like my existence brings massive pain than happiness. I always find myself trying to please the other party and putting myself last. Whenever I disappoint, I tend to punish myself. Whenever I feel mad, hurt and hopeless I cut myself numb the emotional pain. The only way to put an end to this endless pain I'm feeling is to stop breathing. I feel the world would alright…

Hi all, Need some perspective, perhaps Im missing the point. I keep reading that infertile men should simply accept and move on with life. How exactly do you accept that you are no competition to fertile males, you have no genetic, primal, evolutionary purpose to exist, you will die at average age 48.8 and be extinct (study on azoospermia). You will never have a genetic bond with a partner, no matter how hard you work, how much you try, how much you love her, - a random male simply swoops in and impregnate the person you love without any effort whatsoever - How does one simply accept this? Background: I have azoospermia from first test at age 18. Divor…

Hey, everyone I'm not even sure why I'm posting here. I guess it's because over time, this site was my go-to place when I was struggling. Either way, I am seriously considering suicide tonight. I found my Oxy pills from my last surgery that I never used. I know this will put my family through so much pain, and knowing that makes me selfish. But I just can't anymore. I'm tired of feeling like a failure and that no one will ever want me. I hope death really is as peaceful as they say. Thanks for all posts.

5 months ago I met this man at the bar. I’m 22, he’s 33. We quickly became good friends and bonded over both common interests and traumas. We would drink together daily but at the same time help each other. I suffer from BPD & PTSD and he was great support. He gave me a home when I needed a place to stay and even helped me land a job. While I listened to his stories and gave advice from my personal experience and mental health education. He was currently separated from his wife of 13 years (as per her wish) but I swear nothing ever happened between us. It was fully platonic. I even looked at him as the father I never had. 2 months later he traveled back to his co…

So, I had a zoom conference with some old friends. I have moved out of the country and only get to see them every so often. I was a bit apprehensive about going onto the call, I don't know why, I almost ducked out of it.. But I went on anyway... It was fun, lots of laughs, had a few beers along the way... my gf was on the call with me also... she is friends with some of them also, so I was out getting a drink and interrupted her to ask her something, she said "hang on I'm chatting with my friends".. something inside me flicked and I was fuming .. after that I was micro analysing everything for the rest of the call, had an argument with her after, and she went t…

Man I've literally lived my whole in life for other people. I've been a good man, even through some really ty in circumstances. I've always strived to be positive, I've always been everyone's strength. Idk if I ever really understood this world. How it works? How normal people are to be. I've just lived for others, I probably fed off their happiness. There was not one passion for a career that I ever found. There's not one drive that could ever ground me. I've been completely numb, just taking care of everyone who I thought was struggling like me. Then to find out that it's just me. I'm the one with the in struggles. I'm the one who needs. I've hated putting even the smal…

I don't know what it's like to be a happy teenager, and considering I'm now 17 and going to be an adult, I don't think I ever will. I've not been happy since I was 7 years old, when my dad left because just when sunshine starts coming over the hill, something always gets in the way. There isn't really isn't even much to say about it. I was bullied all my way through secondary school. I've been harassed for trying to stand up for people who end up disappearing when they're done anyway. Then, even when I've been away from School, there has been something. Whether it be my father taking mum to court, or something else, there is never a break. I've had time periods, some last…

I guess I'm just venting but lately I've been taken comfort in the thought that when things are really bad I always have suicide as an option and it makes me feel better. I think I'm just so intensely lonely and every guy I'm interested in never likes me back. I'm 33 and have nothing to show for my life, the only person who believes in me is my mum and aunty. My mum always has said life will be harder for me because im different, but its so hard i feel like im fighting a losing battle.

Why shouldn't i kill myself? I'm not anywhere close to where i wanna be in life and i just wanna be free from it all. Ever since 3-4 years ago(i was 17, now im 21), I've lost my home with my mom, my mom last year in december, and financial aid for school because of how my mom was dying for 6 months last year. Im just a stupid dog walker with nothing more going for herself. I wanna be a game designer but life has impeded me so much that I'm likely not gonna make it anyway.

Background. Have had suicidal thoughts before, but tonight scares me. Am calm and rational about the whole thing. Left the gym today because i felt sick about the waste of space (rotten person) that i am. That i add no contribution to life and as others have described it (on this forum), am a waste of space. Have been feeling numb these last few days, like physically numb. Last night I went to bed wishing that I could fall asleep and not "wake up" this morning. But, guess what? I am here. Unfortunately. The reason I have not taken my own life in the past is that i have been scared. That's right. Too afraid of the unknown and the thought that i would go to "hell" …

Anyone else tired of life like me? I'm tired of life and waking up everyday. There are times I don't want to get out of bed, I just want to sleep and have a beautiful dream and never wake up. I do eventually get out of bed and go on with my day, which isn't always easy. I always ask myself, why did God put me on this Earth if I can't succeed in life and always failing? A few weeks ago I was let go from my job, it was a temp to hire position but they told me there are no more hours available. I was really bummed out and heart broken, I actually cried in my car asking myself "Why me?" "Why do I have bad luck in life?" I was there for almost 2 yrs and I thought I'd …

I have always believed I am not good enough for my partner: writing in my diary today made me realize I am such a piece of . It's bad enough that I am extremely dumb and ugly and suffer from anxiety. Now he knows I am a too, after the way I snapped at him a few days ago. Why can't I just die? Who will miss me anyway? I am a fat slob whom no one will love. He is the one person who truly loved me, now I have pushed him away too. No one will ever love me again. I am better off dead so that I do not punish anyone.

It's 2 AM and I have school tomorrow but can't sleep. I just got up from laying on the couch staring into space for an hour feeling like complete crap. I can't keep living this life anymore. Everything that can go wrong in my life does. My dad abandoned me when I was a baby and doesn't pay child support so I'm poor. My mom treats me like dirt, and only wants to move on with her new husband and son. That's fine, I don't need her. I've never had any friends, partly because I'm poor and can't afford nice clothes to look good and partly because I have a shy personality. Nobody made an effort to respond back to me even when I tried to open up and make friends. Fine, I do…

This is something I wrote a few months ago, pretty personal but I thought maybe it may help someone like it did me. Suicide- reasons to- 1) I’m totally unhappy, ass deep on stupid debt, I see no point in continuing Reasons not to- I’m selfish enough to stay around to see a Thomas graduate college, have a family, and see my grandkids. I want to hunt another duck, deer, goose and turkey season, I want to complete the Royal slam of turkeys, hunt seaducks in Maine and Alaska, whitetail in Saskatchewan. I’m so selfish. I don’t want to hurt Thomas or my Dad, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and guilt my Dad would feel if I did that. Although he shouldn’t feel guilty, …

I've been in therapy on & off for decades. My last formal diagnosis was Severe Depression with mixed anxiety features, PTSD & agoraphobia. When it gets really bad I don't want to go outside. My last therapist betrayed me but I'm thinking about going back to the one before that. I wanted a change from him because he frustrated me. He always said Happiness is a choice. It used to get me so mad because I was like if I could just chose to be happy, I would instead of paying you. Anyway, I was forced out of my comfort zone. I lost some weight & made some other changes. I focused on the business I own & had some successes. I also rediscovered …

This is my first time in some time coming on here. I'm going to just say that I don't want to live anymore. Living hurts and I don't matter. I'm sorry for taking everyone's time with this, but it hurts to hold all of this in.

Hello, I haven't been here in a very long time. Last time I was here I was 20, now I am 29. I was suicidal back then and I still am. Actually I survived numerous attemps over the years. But I can't take this anymore, nothing worked out. I feel so lonely, I still don't have a girlfriend. I don't have friends I can rely on, most just don't care. They are too busy with their own lives to give me support, I feel lucky if I get a message once a year and I can't get even that. I still haven't graduated from my university and I still don't have a job. I feel like such a failure. So I decided to end it all on my next birthday. When I am 30, if things are still the same, I will si…

Im 37, and i've reached the point that I cannot fathom going on anymore. Yeah, there are certain things to be thankful for. But the things most important are escaping me. My marriage failed. I have a 4yr old son who is my world. In my 37 years, i feel like I have endured alot of suffering, no doubt a large portion of that due to my own choices. But im tired of it. Im tired of life. Tired of the suffering. I work a full time job, have done for years. But the cost of living has become so ridiculous, its hard to survive. My car is old and ty, as is my rental house. I've suffered depression for at least 6 years. The last year, I have developed general anxiety. Im si…

My good friend who I live with attempted suicide. I woke up on a usual morning to go to work (we also work together and were due to be in work in an hour) and his door was wide open, lying lifeless half off his bed, his head on the floor. Surrounded by empty pill packets. I checked him and thankfully still breathing. I rang an ambulance and they guided my through what to do until they arrive. They kept him in for a couple of days He is getting help and he's gone to stay with family . I'm having crazy anxiety right now. I can't sleep or eat etc. And as I'm away from my home town I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm very angry also which is confusing and I'm …

I've been suicidal for much of my life. At first it was oriented around shyness and inability to connect with others. Then as I tried to seek out others to no good, I spent all my time seeking this "Grail" of a good society around me which I only thought existed for others and recently told myself it was just some illusion from watching popular culture propaganda. Well for a few years now, even though it's gotten better with getting the psych to agree to put me back on prozac, I've laid in bed in the morning thinking about how I stand in life and deciding it's not good. I imagine myself ten years from now, when I'll be 40 looking back on my life the same way and t…