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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. Oct 23 /2019 I was diagnosed with diabetes. And before that with hypertension. I still have time to turn this around. Right now my A1C is 6.9. And on meds my blood pressure is 105/75. Monday night I am joining a diet support group. I want to lose 50 pounds by next Christmas.
  2. It's been some time but I'm lightly seeing my ex (not the resent one, but the ex b-4 her). It seems like just under 2 years ago, I would have done anything to get back with this girl. (even distroy a relation ship that deserved a chance) But now that she's calling me all the time, I see how much wanting what we can't have can mess with what we need. For those of you out there who know you will move on, remember this is only a small set back. Pick your self up and move in your direction, for you. For the rest of us who aren't sure, think of it this way, all this wanting and needing may just be in our heads (to a point). We all know loosing someone is hard and it's going to hurt, but the amount we let it hurt may be in our control. I guess it's like climbing a big mountin. At the start all we see is this big thing in our way casting a shadow on our lives. Cant see over it or around it. But on the way up you'll start to see the land around you and where you started and once at the top, you can see all. How far you've come, everything around you that this big rock was blocking and where you want to go next. For those of you that are half way up this moutain and still think thay need that one someone to go any further, stop. Keep looking up, theres still a ways to go. Dont give up or give yourself limits n-till you've reached the top, and by that time you will see. That you are the only person you truly need back. The one you're missing is you. We loose ourselves in others so often it drives me crazy. I've just now reached the top, so I still have much to see. I just want so much to let everyone know it's not so bad. Just give it time. Things will come around and when your YOU again, you will know where to go and what you want to see next. There are people who fall and wont get back up. I was one of those people, but this site picked me up and got me half way. I owe every one a big thanks. Don't give up on the ones you love, but get you back before you try to get them back. Your mind may change. PS sorry if this is crazy, I had to type very fast. It's time to go to lunch. phoenix
  3. In my last post I was told not to sing or write for my ex which I really cannot control. If you want to hear the CD that was playing that night at my ex's work, when she said turn it off to who ever had it, go to... link removed then go to to the top bar and hit search, then where it says artest type in Deja Juniper, it should bring up a few songs. Another thing is she hasn't herd any of the songs off of the new album (with the tracks for her) yet, noone has, only the people working on the album with me, so the music that was playing was songs she's herd b-4, not the new stuff. That track I did for every one here on E-notalone is up as well. It's called "Burning Bridges". My style is strange but I write from the heart. I can only hope my words will help you guys as much as they help me. I'm not trying to plug my stuff, I just want you to hear where I'm coming from. Thanks for you time, Deja
  4. Last night, I was talking to my friend and we both have feelings for each other. She asked me some rather personal questions and like an idiot I told her some rather personal things. I almost told her my social security number but I had to stop for a minute to realize what I was doing and what was happening to me. I realized that my friend can easily manipulate me because I am very much interested in her. She told me some other things about herself and I believed her. Then she says to me, "You know, I was just playing around." and I feel like a fool because I REALLY believed her. I am a gulliable sap. I think she's starting to see that too. I really trust her but I am getting a little leery because she can easily get me to believe her on just about anything. That can't be too good. I'm not saying that she is a big fat liar or anything and I'd like to think she is telling the truth most of the time. But when she tells me she's not telling the truth, I feel suckered and weak. I don't want her to feel as if she has control over me, but slowly that IS what it's turning into. Any advice?
  5. I finally realized that my wonderful, sweet b/f is a spineless control freak. I broke up with him and I'm really upset with myself for getting involved, once again, with a jerk. I know that the only reason I got involved with him in the first place was because I felt lonely and isolated. I moved about 10 months ago to a place where I didn't know anyone. My family and friends are not close to where I live and even though I have gotten to know a few of my neighbors (My ex was one of them, although he recently moved) I still feel really isolated. I get so scarred living here sometimes. The logical side of me knows that there is nothing to be afraid of. But my emotions get away from me sometimes and I end up feeling depressed. I actually feel like I can't take care of myself. I feel like a freak. I work from home, which leaves me, stuck here just about 24/7. I feel so desperate that I want to move back to my hometown. Doing this would mean a pretty big financial lose and I'm not sure that running back is the answer. Any suggestions would be so greatly appreciated.
  6. why is it so hard to get over someone. why does it make us do stupid things ? i was with a guy who was awful to me so controlling and talked to me like dirt, forced me to do things and was so insecure he thought i was gonna run off. yet he ended up leaving me and i cant take the fact he has always had control, all thro the relationship he had to have control and now hes moved on like i meant nothin to him. i prob didnt. on his profile hes already put himself as "single and looking". why am i so weak??? i keep doin stupid things like txtin him and the other day i wrote him a letter and sent bk a ring after 2 weeks of no contact and he txt me today and was so mean i wrote really nice things yet he was jus blaming me for the break up and told me to basically get lost. i jus want him to know how much hes hurt me! i want him to jus once feel guilty about how hes made me feel! its like i suddenly meant nothing yet he told me he loved me in the first 2 weeks and brought me an eternity ring, let me into all his family (who he was very close to) lives etc etc but jus was so insecure. when we broke up he had to come over to drop off a cd instead of posting it to me whcih opened all my wounds and i guess i never recovered from that. i feel so weak cos id still take him back! how much of a fool am i? why cant he jus be hurtin so i know im not so stupid its whats stopping me moving on the fact its like i meant nothin to him
  7. The friends first myth ... I am sure that everyone has probably heard some variation of the "friends-first" rule, possibly from parents, or peers, or councilors, or pastors, or educators, etc. You have probably been told that it is best to be friends with the opposite sex and not attempt to pursue any sort of relationship with them, or to have sex, or to do anything that would stain your satin white reputation for the sake of appearances. Some people look at the "Friend's-first" rule and talk wonders about it, while other despise and hate it. Why is this? You would think that being friends with someone would be a good thing, and yes, it is a good thing ... But, with all things there exist problems ... The way that one person views the world may not be the same view as another persons nor do people have the same life experiences, in the same way the "friend's-first" rule has many of these same problems in that it has not worked for everyone nor will it ever, though technically it should. Let's explore some of those reasons ... Probably one of the most severest flaws with the friendship philosophy comes from the fact that there seems to be little way to tell the difference between "friendship rejection" and "friendship acception." In other words, when someone of the opposite sex says "let's be [just] friends" he/she could be saying "I like you, but let's take it slow" or "I think you are a loser and I think this other person is way hotter than you." Both meanings are said in the same exact tone, and the same exact frequency, and the same exact way. In the former a person has been given a chance that can lead to a relationship and sex, but the latter equates to rejection and is simply a total waste of time. While this remains a source of confusion, people who have been "friendship accepted" tend to push the "friends-first" philosophy more than their "friendship rejection" countertypes, and for good and obvious reasons. This is why the "friends-first" Philosophy has also been responsible for bloating the ranks of the numerously abundant population of jerk ... The irony in this respect was that when it comes to many men who act like total jerks in relationships, they were actually once rather nice; however, from being constantly burned by the "friend's first" philosophy, not taking advantage of situations when they arise, and by constantly running into manipulative "**** teasing attention ******," and girls who see them as "big bother types," this causes them to resent many of their otherwise good qualities. Furthermore, women have a tenacious habit to attempt to soften the blow of rejection by bringing up the point that a certain guy is "sweet" or "nice" or by stating some of their otherwise good qualities back to them in the process. What women do not realize is that by doing this they unwittingly cause these men to make a logic connection between being nice, rejection, friendship, and this actually serves nothing more than to spoil them for any future relationships they could enjoy. All in all, the men who have been "victimized" in this way eventually learn to resort to traits reserved for typical "A" type personalities, either from the impending inexperience or the fear of intimacy caused from these rejections, thus causing the typical jerk like traits that have been so popularized and often encouraged by men who have these same problems. Also, the "Friend's first" philosophy also exist as a balance of control for females; when men allow women that are not related to them and are not acquaintances to be non-sexual friends with them they are allowing them to have control in all interactions on the relationship level they exist upon. On the flip side, men who receive unbiased sex from women are the ones that maintain control on the relationship level should that ever happen. One of the worst problems with "friends-first " has to do with that part of being a mature and healthy individual comes from the ability to form friendships friends with people in general regardless of gender ... Unfortunately,[as has been previously stated,] people who have been rejected with friendship tend to not develop the necessary social skills that a mature individual needs to be a good husband/wife and to raise children ... Virtually, they themselves remain children and conceptually have not progressed past the age of 12 from their stunted outlook. Because of this you will find that many of these people find ways to sleep around, not only to fulfill their own basic needs, but as an attempt to compensate for the fact that they have not been given or allowed the opportunity to grow and mature for numerous and varied reasons. When relationships do occur with these people they are often noticeably and exceptionally one-sided, where one person plays the role of a[n overly controlling] parent to another who seeks a parent or rules in general. In stark contrast mature individuals with were able to maintain relationships with people of the opposite sex learn to replace their own parents by changing their own views and outlooks and controlling themselves from an internal standpoint, where people who have been "friendship rejected" look for ways to control others or to be controlled by others from an external standpoint. I suppose being Friends with the opposite sex is not such a bad thing when you aren't constantly having your man or womanhood insulted, or are not afraid of the possibility of that happening, and can handle it when it does happen. In the long-run friendship is always the best alternative especially for those who have been able to maintain relationships. But for those who haven't, well, they'll probably just give you the finger...
  8. I hope after saying this i will feel better from the respones i get. I meet my Ex about 6months ago and it just looked to me like she was my final stop in terms of who to spend the rest of my life with. she told me everything about her past which made me even apprecaites more. for me i have been more of the church guy that doesn't believe in pre marital sex and we discussed this before we started going out. i told her my limits even though i hadn't tried them before but i was willing to flex out a little bit since lack of romance could ruin a relationship, but everytime we played around i felt bad but i didn't want to make her feel bad by showing the way i felt about it. i tried telling her once that we should control things but it just didn't work so things kept on happening and i was getting closer to losing it. we had a problem that we were trying to get over which was clearly my fault and i tried everything possible to resolve things but it was just hard bcos she tells her mum everything and her mum will always try to protect her which is not a wrong thing but it puts me on edge. i told her we should always try to resolve thing ourselves before involveing other but her mum was always the first to hear about everything. what finally broke the camels back was when we went out for dinner and i had a little to drink which made me a little bolder that usual and we got home and started our usual thing but i could not control myself and things happened she told me to remember my vows but i was too confused to hear and she pushed me off and i became sober and cried like a little boy not bcos i lost my virginity but bcos i was that careless with someone i love so much she cried and called me names and said i was just like everyone else despite that fact that i never pressured her for sex for one second right now i feel all the guilt in the world and dont know if i can forgive my self bcos i betrayed her trust, not intentionally but i should not have being that careless. she still claims she loves me but we just can't be together again i still love her very much and wish we get back together but i dont know what to think. what am i pls someone should help me
  9. why is he such a jerk?. There is a guy at my work (we'll call him matt) whom I get along with okay sometimes. Other times I can't stand the sight of him he really knows how to push my buttons. Being around him makes me feel vulnarable and out of control. I can't stand it. Now the other night at work we were getting along fine until he pushed things to far. He was saying that I should date this other guy at work. I told him I didn't want to hear it and told him to cut it out but he didn't he pushed me to far and he nearly had me in tears. There is nothing wrong with this other guy I just don't feel attracted to him and I feel uncomfortable around him at the moment and I think he has noticed because we didn't joke or mess around like we usually do. Matt said he was sorry but I just kept telling him to get out of my face. I may have over reacted. Do you think he goes out of his way to make me feel the way I do? and if so Why?. And why is it that I feel so vulnurable and out of control when he's around? Any insight would be greatly appreciated *cassandra*
  10. k my mom keeps on bugging me about not eating enough, but i think i eat way to much for me........ i feel really fat and im very ugly, and i thknk everyone would like m ebetter if i was hotter, and skinnier...... i just think im trying to be healthy, but my mom wont let me go, she keeps bringing it up , i eat for her lots one night, but then i can't stand ot eat for three days, and she gets suspicious..... i just think im trying to control my weight, but am i really anerexic like my mom thinks?
  11. Did ya ever hear that if you're attracted to someone, your pupils will dilate(get bigger)? I think that's interesting. It's a natural occurrence that ya can't control even if ya know it's happening.
  12. I was Anorexic for 6years and I first started cutting when I was 16years old (I am now 22) when I was in treatment. Since then the cutting has come and gone, depending upon how my recovery from my eating disorder is going. The primary problem that I have is the Anorexia, of which is mostly 'under control', with the cutting being secondary. When I'm not healthy, the cutting gets worse and worse. Especially lately I have been falling back onto cutting when the whole Anorexia fiasco gets to be too much. Sounds crazy I know. The real problem is that I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now, and I find myself wanting to cut more and more whenever I get into an argument with my boyfriend. It sounds silly to say that this is my way of getting back at him because I know that this only hurts me, but sometimes this is how I feel. He is my bestfriend, so I can tell him most anything without feeling shy or embarrassed, but I do have a lot of shame centered around this issue though. It's just really hard to broach this topic with someone who is unfamiliar with its complexities. I would really like some help/suggestions with this. I know that I really need to find some better coping mechanisms, but this method has become such an 'effective' way of dealing with life when it gets to be too rough. To be honest, I really don't even want to stop because I feel compelled to harm myself when I feel guilty about being who I am. I'm running out of ideas. Anyway, thanks for listening. Support appreciated.
  13. Ok, I'm about to open the vault right open and help clarify a lot of what goes on when people break up and why the efforts are done typically in vain. So first off I just wanna let you all know that I was together with my ex for the period of around 2 and a half years. Love was there right from the beginning and we went to extreme lengths for each other. It was like a storytale fantasy really, I was a 'wuss' and waited around for her until I got my chance. Of course it was more like "it was fate! sounds like a hollywood movie!" as her friends would say. She was floored and loved it. We had an amazing relationship until I smothered her so much that she tried just getting to know other people. Of course I was so into her that I would get jealous and upset. Fast forward to the break up, I found out she was going to break up with me and date another guy. At the time I was COMPLETELY devastated as I loved this girl. I finally was getting my life together and she did this! I felt unloved, uncared, unwanted and most importantly betrayed. I thought it wasn't fair and I couldn't get her out of my head. I phoned her, e-mailed her, messaged her and did ALL sorts of contact trying to get her to change her mind. I couldn't stop THINKING about her. Day and night, the same thing. Dreamed about her, sat and moped and just thought and thought and analyzed and ANALYZED until I would lose myself. Everytime I talked to her about it, the same thing was said over and over "i just don't have those feelings anymore." and everytime I asked her how long she felt this way, it conveniently changed to longer and longer times. First it was a month, then 2 months, then it went back as far as almost 2 years when she was originally going to break up. I didn't understand this WHATSOEVER. So I was forced to go through this by myself and as a guy COMPLETELY lost, confused and alone. I had no idea what to do, how to handle myself and HOW to get back what I wanted and had. So I came here, got advice and insight and found out I wasn't the only one in this situation. Now, on to the meat of this post. Ok first things first, the number ONE destroying thing of good advice, is that people refuse to believe their situation is similar or the same as others. "My love for her/him is MORE than it was with you." (of course they won't say this, but it's made obvious that this is the implication) and they'll also bring up references and past experiences to prove this. Now this isn't trying to make it out like you didn't have anything special or that it was all a sham, but I am trying to point out that WE are holding ourselves back by being arrogant about our situations in thinking we're so different. Sorry guys and girls. Why the need for NC? Simple answer is that you two are broken up. The more complex answer is that NC allows the chance for people to separate themselves from the relationship. To give them air to breathe so they can think things through and wonder if they did in fact make the right choice. If a girl or guy dumps the person they're dating to date someone else OR because they lost the love for the other person. Sometimes what happens is that the dumpee was too clingy, needy or desperate and may have been on some level placing the other person on a kind of pedestal. Now this is where the problem lies. If you are that person who is clingy, desperate, needy or placing the other on a pedestal, then that only ADDS to the stress levels of the other person. People have enough stress and don't need added stress from their loved ones. Point two, when someone is totally involved with the other person, they can end up suffocating that person. That person will feel the other has no life and that THEY are their only life. Outside of that, they wonder what they'd do. Often people like being in the company of others who have a life and are doing things and are involved. It keeps things interesting. This is key to understand where some may go wrong. Lastly it's good to keep in mind that NC isn't a technique to get them back, it isn't a sure fire way of anything other than to be used for YOURSELF. NC is something one SHOULD be doing regardless! Why? Because you SHOULD already believe that it's over. I mean isn't it afterall? Are you two not broken up? So why stay in contact? Doing contact makes it worse because when they break up they either want to forget about you and move on or just break away so they can get some breathing room and relieve themselves of the guilt. Any pestering, persistance or general contact in any way shape or form can kill whatever remaining chance you have. People are afraid that by not calling and not staying in contact, that the ex will move on, but really it's our typical grovelling, pleading and obsessive behaviour that pushes them away. Why NC does not work if you're not doing it NATURALLY! NC DOES NOT WORK if you are NOT a person who knows the concept of or reason behind it. If you do it because others told you to and you do it successfully, ONLY to have them take off when you get BACK into contact, will be left wondering "wtf?". Sound familiar? Well it's like this, if you're ALREADY not a person involved with your life or doing other things and doing NC HAPPENS naturally, then when they come back you'll go from 0-60 and they'll go "wtf?". So understand this, when you DO NC make sure it's because you DON'T have free time to talk to them. Create a busy schedule by going out and DOING things for yourself. Take care of yourself and do things you enjoy. If you get busy, eventually you won't think of them as much AND you'll naturally be doing NC. Now another point of NC is to understand this. It's to give them room and time to THINK about you. Wonder what's going on and wonder if what's happening with you. Now what ruins this is when they call and you keep talking to them until THEY get rid of you. OR, when they e-mail, you quickly e-mail them back. They text you, you text them back. Etc. So it works like this, reserve control of yourself. Be sure to not deny them, but don't give them the feeling that you are available for them or readily there when they need you to be. If they think you are never busy and are waiting around for them, it's gonna get them thinking you have nothing better to do than to contact them when they contact you. Why Independence helps get you USED to being alone and DAMN GOOD AT IT! People always say to get yourself out there and INVOLVED with the world. Find clubs to go hang out at and pick up new hobbies. Now the problem that arises with this is that it's not EASY to figure out what exactly you WANT to do for one and second, it's so new it's going to seem silly or pointless at first. A general "man i am not cut out for this" attitude may linger for quite a while until you see the actual benefits of doing these things. There are SO MANY things one can do for fun, it's just a matter of researching them and GOING OUT and doing it. The Failure in the relationship, what happened? Ok on to the failure of the relationship. So why did it fail? You smothered them? Got upset with them when they didn't wanna hang out with you? Were needy? Clingy? Desperate for attention? Didn't give them space? They couldn't hang out with their friends because you hogged all their free time? Did you call all the time? So what were some of those things you were doing that may have turned them off COMPLETELY? It's good to figure those out and then try to figure out how to CORRECT those things from happening in the future. If they felt you were smothering them or were needy and clingy, then that GENERALLY translates to "this person is a loser, because I'm their life and outside of that they have nothing." Now that sounds really harsh and it IS, generally they don't think that evil BUT that's a very straight-forward to the point statement. It gets to the core of WHY it's best to have a life outside of theirs. Now I'm not saying put them below everything else, BUT if you have passion and excitement for your independent life, then who you are with SHOULD respect and understand this. No one should be so selfish as to force you to give up your life for them, so don't do it voluntarily by any means. Why we should be number one! Because we're damn worth it! If YOU don't believe it, they won't. You keep saying "I don't deserve you" then eventually they'll say "yeah, you're right. You don't." If they don't look at you as the one THEY WANT to keep then it's only a matter of time before they go to someone else. Or cheat on you. So please please please people, try to remember the important thing of looking after YOU. They're not the only guy/girl in this world. There are TONS of great people out there, EVEN IF THEY DON'T match what you're looking for. It's ALL about experience and getting yourself familiar with the opposite sex AND of relationships. Once you learn how to control yourself and how to act and interact, then you're already out on top. Analyzing something out of your control is not only pointless, it's TIRING. It leads you no where except down the frustration path. Focus on things you can control: yourself, your relationship with others, your attitude, your approach, your look, your communication, etc. Your life is yours for the taking and is influenced by YOU and shouldn't be influenced by others. Try being nice to yourSELF and do things YOU enjoy and believe in. Not what you think you should do in order to win others approval. Now I know this is all "wow that's great and all, but I'm just gonna start thinking about them again!" or whatever other thing will happen when u read this and go well that was great but it wasn't enough for me. The problem, is that it'll never be enough unless you DO something about it. The problem then may be that you just don't want to HAVE to put in the effort or energy, in that case I say enjoy your life of self-pitty and regret. Just remember this last thing. When you take steps to do these things, keep the idea in your mind that you will EVENTUALLY get this dealt with and figured out. Don't put yourself in a position where it's an all or nothing. Remember that you have to want to actively pursue this OR it won't work. It took X amount of months/years to become who you are, it's going to take a SIGNIFICANT amount of time to change. Hope this post was helpful and I apologize for it's length.
  14. well ever since i was young i had a problem controling my anger. i use to throw the bigest tempatratums and fihgt with anyone near me. but as i got old i did have tempatarums but when some one made me mad i would beat the tar out of them. but i see from my bro is that we hold in our anger then releas it on what ever we like should. but yesterday my ex came up to me at the mall with her bf and she told us to talk while she went to the bath room he told me some dirty stuff about her and i beat the **** out of him and when she came back she though i did it because she was going out with him i told her he was saying bad stuff but she didnt believe me and when they walked away i attacked him agin. why is it that sertain thing set me off while other dont that should set me off??
  15. As many of you know I came to this site a few months back longing for a sense of reality, to know that I was NOT ALONE as the site is entitled. And found that i was not. i have in a short period of time made what i hope are some life long friends..... but also learned that there IS a time and place to stand up for yourself and to take action that puts your life back into your control again. I have done that.. 2.5 weeks ago I moved out and into a friends house after a 20 year marriage. I have to admit the actual moving out was the toughest things i'd ever done. I'm a quiet guy who tends to let people run over him especially a domineering wife... and i finally had all i could take. Dont think i'm not aware that in this 20 years i'm not made my share of mistakes.. I HAVE..... and I might could have done things along the way to prevent this.... but i'm alone. So could she have. The communications have totally broken down and i dont see it being repaired. Even she would like it because of $$$. Isn't it amazing that even the most fundamental relationship eventally get valued. We are separated two weeks and the STBX is already talking big bucks for me to get out and even to the point of using exhortion and blackmail to get her wishes and in times past i would have cowarded down and she think i will this time, but I will not. Some one told me once I have to "grow a loarge set of b*lls" to get through this and it was sage advice. Everyone has skeletons in the closet to some extent and the STBX thinks she can 'force' me into her wishes... NOT THIS TIME! I apprecaite the support this forum has given me... and for those of you who believe in prayer..... consider me in yours.... i am going to need it.. I dont find it easy to be an SOB... but i think i may have to turn into one to defend myself. Keep me in your thoughts and any advice will be welcomed.
  16. I sometimes wonder why guys fall for their best female friend. Or vice versa, any theories anyone, cause I'm simply at a loss as to why I feel this way about what is just another woman. I'm also a head over heart sort of guy and can't stand not being in control of my own emotions. So the question is why and at the same time how? _________________ "Love is Loves reward"
  17. I can't believe this happened to me! I met a girl a few weeks ago, just a casual encounter but things seem to have gone into overdrive. We had an instant 'connection' and after joking that I would like to see have standing naked in my bathroom cleaning her teeth, it seemed that 'fish was hooked' - now just to land it. However, a blow came in the fact that she told me she was engaged. My heart plummeted through the floor! Anyway, things ended soon after that evening, but after having already swapping email addresses, I couldn't get her out of my mind and sent her an email. Two days later she answered, let's say in 'our' manner of conversation by saying 'target locked'. Since then we had swapped multiple emails, phone calls and even met twice where the 'connection' seemed to grow out of control. I told her that this was not normal in a relationship that she should be open to this 'affair' with me and she agreed on this point. She did go into little details, mainly that she jumped from her last relationship into this one with her husband to be. I suggested that she talk our situation over with someone when we last spoke and she has since dropped me a quick email to say that she has done this and is trying to put everything into context. I'm not the type of guy who gets involved in these types of situations but sometimes as they say, love is blind. The only thing I can say in my defence of this point is that I told her I would not sleep with another man's girlfriend. Your comments will be appreciated !
  18. i have just broken up with my girlfriend, it was me who initiated the break. REASONS: she has never really supported me in my ventures, she doesn't come out with me and when she does i all ways feel i have to stand next to here to make sure she is all right. she all ways gets on to me if i am not with her 100% of the time and she is to controlling over my life. i am not sure how i feel i know i have made the correct desicion but my heart is still breaking, we have had two and a half years together, but for the last 6 months i have been feeling more and more distant from her.our hearts want the same thing but our minds are in two completley different places. plus ihave met some one else who i have taken a liking to. basically i just would like to talk this through with any body who has experinced the same thing or any body that wants to talk. Sorry if the grammer is not right or the spelling is all over the place but i'm in no mood to be checking it thanks for reading this look forward to your replies.
  19. I havent given this to my ex, who recently broke up with me, she was seriously hurt in a previous relationship and although i know she cares for me she doesnt want to get to close, Im crazy about her but im giving her the space she needs, what do you think? separate from truth and fiction, an emotional sea of contradiction, listen and learn but dont attach, advice easy to give but hard to catch, but is that what u really desire, to build a wall and put out the fire, to supress your feelings of happiness and love, and settle for comfort and safety, allowing yourself to be caged by the trails, left by your emotions from the past, consider this; who controls who, do u control ur emotions or do your emotions control u
  20. ok well there is this guy who i really like and i know that he likes me also we r close to goin out but first of all he went out with this one girl for 1 year and 7 months and just broke up with her in september they are still really close they even drive together to school every morning he says there just friends but ya my problem is he gets way too jelous i have a lot of guy friends and he does not like that at all he gets mad when he just see's me talkin to guys or walkin with guys and of course at lunch i hang out with quite a few guys but whether i am with 1 or 20 he gets extrmely mad i hope u can help me cause i am not sure what to do about the ex or his jelous problem ( anyone who wants to take a guess do u think he is really over her) P.s its not like we dont spend anytime together he is over at my house almost everyday but ya thanks in advance for your help
  21. Hi, my ex and I went out a couple of weeks ago and a nice time. I have always been very respectful to her since we broke up a year ago. We went back and forth for a while but back in June I Started NC the whole time I had been getting blocked phone calls. In August she broke contact and in Sept. she acknowledged my birthday and ever since she then she has been communicating with me. Well as I was saying, we went out a few weeks ago and had a nice time. I hugged and tried to kiss her goodnight but she turned her face away from me. I took it like she thought that I was rushing things because afterall it was our first date since the breakup. A couple of days later I e-mailed her and said that I had a nice time and enjoyed her company. She said that she did as well and maybe we could do it again soon... Well, I didnt want to rush things so I waited a couple of weeks and asked her out again. She said that she had to check her schedule. I just took it light and told her to get back to me and let me know. Well she waited to the last minute (she had a whole week to decide) and called we made small talk and had a couple of laughs but told me that she was gonna have to take and raincheck on out date. I told her no problem maybe some other time. What is she doing??? I understand that she may not want to accept my every advancement because she wants to remain in control of the situation and remind me of that I have no control. One thing that I have noticed is that she gets on the phone everytime we meet and say, "bye". I am thinking that she is calling her girlfriends...
  22. Haven't posted in awhile. One of my last posts was my adventure in finding a job. I guess be careful what you wish for is true. I landed a job a little over a month ago and it's killing me. The hours are horrible, I feel like I'm never home. The pay sucks and the job sucks. I have to commute to work and I would rather get root canal! Every morning, no matter how early I leave or how much I know in my head that I am going to get to work on time, I still stress the entire drive. The economy is really awful right now and I should be grateful to have a full time job. I guess my frustration lies in the fact that I have been spoiled for so long in positions where I didn't have to follow anyone else's rules. Now I no longer have that luxury. I 'm working 6 days a week and when I get home, I'm to exhausted to do anything. Any suggestions about how to change my outlook would be very welcome. Another problem that I could really use some input on is that the operations agent does not like me do the fact that another supervisor went over his head to get me this job. So I have to watch my back with this idiot. Thanks for letting me vent and thank you for any advice. Eve
  23. Is it just me or am i the only one who finds myself sat there pondering for countless hours about fate. I seem to do it all the time. I mean its a crazy thought that all your life is pre determined and nothing that you can do will ever stop it. CRAZY? Well it seems crazy when you first think about it but the more you actually sit there and think about it the more it starts to make sense to me. Can you imagine yourself doing anything else than reading this word now? Its just strange because if fate existed does it control only major things in your life, everything else in between is your free will? Or is it that every last step that you will ever make, is that all in the great plan too? So i guess you've been thinking so yeh....where's this topic leading. Well i guess its not leading anywhere i just want to ask you the question? Heres a question that made my mind turn over? - If you believe in fate then why do you still fasten your seatbelt?
  24. Once again im seeing symptoms of depression and suicide in my life,it's like a fly on the wall that just wont go away.You want to kill it but its just out of your reach,thats how I feel right now.I'm feeling pretty helpless when it comes to life in general,im not a "normal" person i dont think like everyone else does I like think outside the box so to say. That's one of my problems though,I really want to find a girlfriend but everytime i meet a girl i end up being so nice that they only wanna become friends.I'm naturally a very kind person,i'll hold a door open for people when they walk into a building,I try to do things for my friend's anytime I can,I even talk to them about there problems with suicide and try to be there for them and give them a shoulder to cry on. I try to treat girls with respect and not be a pig towards them,but that never seems to be what anyone wants.I'm a romantic at heart and id rather cuddle with a girl then have sex all night long,i'd rather take her on a romantic dinner then be out with my friends drinking beer and getting drunk.No one seems to really want that though.I feel like im doomed to a life of being alone. It's not that i dont like helping my friends out,I really do.i just wish someone would give me a chance.I'm certainly not a boring or unenjoyable person to be around,Im naturally funny and can make my friends laugh easily.I just always seem to get labeled as the nice guy and thrown in the friend bucket.for someone who has felt alone his whole life this does not help matters at all. I always see my friend's going out and getting dates and getting married while i sit here,alone and by myself.I always feel awkward and out of place when one of my friends who has a boyfriend or girlfriend asks me to come hang out with them together.It feels like I am being teased because they have something that i have never had so that makes me feel even worse.It's like when you see a brand new car or something in a window that you know you want more than anything but always seems to be beyond your reach. Another thing in my life that is causing me depression is something that i cant figure out,I have no problem conversating with a small group of people(1 to 4 people for example)but when i get into an area with a lot more people around I "freeze" up and My mind runs wild.I suddenly find myself not being able to concentrate on anything and it feels like im goona lose control at any moment,For example when im at work because of this i become extremely quiet because I seem to lose control when it comes to having a lot of people around.This makes it extremely hard to be at work,sometimes it is almost unbearable. Although I am a naturally quiet person i can hold up my end of the conversation,so knowing i can do this and then losing control and not being able to give my co-workers the right impression I want really brings me a lot of stress.put yourself in my shoes for one minute if you would,getting through the work day with feeling's of confusion and helplessness.It's not the best feeling in the world. I'm also trying to figure out my purpose in life,am I only goona be a friend for people to come too when they need something?It's feels that way sometimes although I know thats not how it really is.I always feel alone and sometimes wonder would suicide be worth it or not.Sure I would hurt my family and friends but sometimes it feels worth the trade off to get rid of all the loneliness and emptyness i have built up through life. Even though I have friends,i still feel lonely.I know my family loves me,and I still feel alone.I'm even in therapy right now for all that im going through and even sometimes that feels like it isnt doing anything.I just dont wanna feel so helpless anymore,every day is a battle to will myself on when it seems theres nothing to keep fighting for.sometimes I just want the pain to go away so bad ill do anything to make that happen. I often wonder why god put me here,people like me seem to be not needed in this modern day society of people.I watch people who have black hearts get everything handed right to them while I struggle just to get through every single day of my life.Everyone I see look's so very happy,I wish i could share in that happiness I just wanna be happy with myself im sick of feeling like im nothing and that ill never amount to anything.I just want the loneliness to go away!Im crying as i am writing this,it feels good to be able to release some emotion finally.Heres to another day in this world-all alone.
  25. Hello, ladies. A while back I posted on a thread that I knew a hand technique for masterbation that is guaranteed to bring you to orgasm. This technique is very effective....once you learn it. Anyhow...I had quite a bit of PM's requesting this...and with the help of goddesss38, as my editor, I am making it available to anyone who is interested. This is a personal technique...one that I use whenever I need to. Something I perfected for myself...but am willing to share with others..becasue if you can master it..BOOM!!! If you have any other questions or not sure of something I mean..please feel free to ask. You have to use whatever hand you favor (if you are right-handed, use your right hand, if you are left-handed, use your left hand, if you are ambidexterous, pick a hand)....and it helps if you are "in the mood" before you start to try this technique...get your mind focused and keep it focused on whatever turns you on. Also...it does take some stamina, and beginners may tire out at first, until enough physical stamina is built up to allow you to go as fast as you are going to end up going. You should practice the "movement technique" before you start....hold up the hand you are going to use....hold your pointer finger and middle finger together....now make a "wave" with them.....pretend like you are petting something...only using those two fingers...not the rest of your hand or arm...as you bring down those two fingers, curl them in....as you start to bring them up....straighten them out....as you bring them down, curl them in...etc... That is the movement technique.....it should be fluid and loose (but keep the two fingers together)....not stiff. To begin...lie on your back, preferably on a bed.....spread your legs (they don't have to fully spread...just so you can get access)..... Bring your hand down....place the two fingers over your clitoris...your clitoris should be approximately where the top knuckle line is on your pointer finger on the underside. You middle finger will be slightly above your opening (at the opening..but not in it). Now begin your wave. Your fingers should press down firm enough that your fingers do not slide accross your skin...rather you are using enough pressure to move the skin around. Slowly at first...to get yourself fully aroused....and that's it...continue...going faster as you increase in arousal. It's then that you can use your arm and wrist to move your hand around, manipulating the skin..but still not sliding your fingers or hand (keep pressure on the skin area. Basically...stay in this general area of your vagina...the general idea is to manipulate the skin, increasing blood flow to the clitoris...but you can increase pressure or move slightly around to find the "exact spot". Once you have yourself fully aroused/excited....you will have to go really fast with your fingers..and not so much do the 'wave"...but putting pressue with your fingers on the skin and moving the whole thing back and forth...remember, you will never be directly touching your clitoris..it will remain behind the upper part of your fingers. When done correctly....it will work EVERYTIME. Once you begin to orgasm...slow down some..and keep it as long as you can. This may take some practice....but it is very effective once you get the hang of it. And once you get the hang of it...you will be able to either get off really fast...or learn how to use breath control/hand control to prolong it....I will tell you that when you learn to prolong it...the orgasms will be the best you have ever had in your life...seriously. Good luck!
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