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jackie1982

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  1. jackie1982
    hey there iv just read ur message,and ur pm,ill pm u back,iv just been thro the same feelings so we can help eachother
  2. jackie1982
    sorry i put up a post last weekend, heres the link removed its not just about bein scared of life unfortunately god i wish it was. iv got to a point where im just so fed up of all these bad things happenin-that i just give up.my thoughts are just of dyin but im too scared of how
  3. jackie1982
    i wrote a msg on here b4, was only last weekend, this is the link removed its all in there why i feel so down, i tried b4 and some people hav tried,but im just goin further and further down, i just cannot no matter how hard i try see a way out! iv tried talkin to my parents but they just dont understand. when my grandad went thro a bad patch, my dad was sittin there sayin why is he bein like this,hes being out of order and ill never forgive him for this. and at the time i thought that was abit off but now i understand what my grandad was feelin i see that as a terrible thing to hav said. they just dont wanna understand.my mum tells me to stop bein silly! they just arent ever prepared to listen! after the rape, they were tryin to tell me how i should b feeling and wernt actually listenin to me tell them how i was really feeling. im just alone. my friends think im bein miserable they just dont care. i find it so difficult to open up to people as it is, so much just keeps goin wrong and at this rate,ill no doubt b dead by 25 anyway when somethin else happenes that kills me neway.i just feel too low to go on
  4. jackie1982
    all day every day-all i think is how i wanna just be away from all the hurt and pain im feeling,how i cant cope with bein alive anymore.i feel stupid talkin to any1 about it because they all just think im being annoyin and stupid. yet i cant stop thinking how i just wanna b dead-and the only thing that is stoppin me is that im too scared.im scared of pain,im scared of it going wrong,im scared of whats there.all i think is if only i could pluck up the courage.no1 would miss me,even my family arent supporting me thro my really bad time,they just think im a freak or somethin,my sister called me immature and that i need to grow up yesterday!cos i feel that life is worthless and pointless 4me.its got me down to a point where i cant go on and i dont know what to do.nothin EVER goes right and stays right for me.i know that the people that hav tried to help so far are just havin enough now.people hav tried but im still rock bottem!i cant live another day,i try but i just cant stand up i keep fallin back down!every1 in my past that has hurt me has got away with it,walked away still happy, or gettin away with their crime. its just me thats left to suffer. i cant rem the last time i was truly happy, one less person in this world wont make any difference will it! i fall asleep cryin knowin im useless and ask why am i still made to lie here and suffer. i just wanna fall asleep and never wake up
  5. jackie1982
    all day every day-all i think is how i wanna just be away from all the hurt and pain im feeling,how i cant cope with bein alive anymore.i feel stupid talkin to any1 about it because they all just think im being annoyin and stupid. yet i cant stop thinking how i just wanna b dead-and the only thing that is stoppin me is that im too scared.im scared of pain,im scared of it going wrong,im scared of whats there.all i think is if only i could pluck up the courage.no1 would miss me,even my family arent supporting me thro my really bad time,they just think im a freak or somethin,my sister called me immature and that i need to grow up yesterday!cos i feel that life is worthless and pointless 4me.its got me down to a point where i cant go on and i dont know what to do.nothin EVER goes right and stays right for me.i know that the people that hav tried to help so far are just havin enough now,i cant live another day,i try but i just cant stand up i keep fallin back down!every1 in my past that has hurt me has got away with it,walked away still happy, or gettin away with their crime. its just me thats left to suffer. i cant rem the last time i was truly happy, one less person in this world wont make any difference will it! i fall asleep cryin knowin im useless and ask why am i still made to lie here and suffer. i just wanna fall asleep and never wake up
  6. jackie1982
    iv been here myself,havin an ex boyfriend that has causes her some hurt will b difficult.my best advice is to stand by her.she isnt sayin it as any offence to u,itd most prob be the same if she were with any other guy. it will take time and alot of patience on ur behalf,because shes not sayin it out of spite its because shes mayb worried of bein hurt again?in time if you stand by her she will trust u more and more and open her heart to u more and more,prove to her ur not like her last boyfriend by standin by her is the best thing u can do,because its prob not gonna go away just like that.if she needs space then give it to her,but try not to suffocate her. let her know ur there for her, its gonna take time. its only been 2months for u guys,she wont have completely let her guards down yet, and she prob wont for a another few months. if she is worth it then just b there. i was very insecure because of bein treated badly in a past relationship and my new bloke just walked away from me because he couldnt hack it,and i was gutted,because everything else about the relationship was perfect. i see him as a weak man now because he didnt stand by me and realise it was my insecurities, not me that was makin me say bad things. if hedv stood by me and made me stronger then idv appreciated that more than anything in the world. mayb take her on a few little romantic meals out or take her on a day out somewhere,make her laugh,all go out with mates together, give her somethin to look forward to,make her feel special again and that the future isnt gonna b full of bad things like the past.i dont know what this last guy did,but im 99% sure that shes not sayin she doesnt feel loved because of what ur doin...
  7. jackie1982
    my advice is simple.....dont get involved till u know for a fact shes single...seein her while shes still with this guy will most prob get very messy...and it aint fair on the boyfriend either
  8. jackie1982
    thats the thing tho,i hav cried,i cry so much.iv been to pieces the last 3 weeks but nothin what so ever is helping.i actually feel like i cant talk to my friends,i feel like im just bein stupid.i think i understand what ur friend was goin thro,i cant talk to ne of my friends cos i actually feel like they just think im stupid.theyd just b like oh well never mind get on with ur life,u got lots to look forward to blah blah but thats just it,i aint got nethin to look forward to.i just want some1 to take this pain away but no1 can can they.its not like its just a recent thing,its been my whole life thats just goin wrong. i didnt deal with bein raped very well, i went to pieces there and wanted to kill myself,i was refusing to do nethin about it,gettin any help,and my friends got so fed up because i was so unhappy and wernt doin nethin about it,they didnt understand.i feel like im just bein stupid,i seem 2b the unlucky one that just keeps gettin knocked back again and again and again.i hav just had enuf,i cant take it anymore.i wanna go home b with my family who live so far away but i cant even do that becuase i hav the bad memories of the cheating ex there.that nearly destroyed me.it just keeps happenin over and over again,IV HAD ENUF!!!!WHEN AM I EVER GONNA B HAPPY!im not am i!im cursed.i feel like im shoutin and nothings comin out and no1 really understands and wants to try listenin.i was depressed in the summer and i met this guy and he made me happy!i had a reason to b me and keep on goin!and now hes left-because im not good enuf!i tried so hard,but im so insecure,iv got no self esteem and i just feel empty and scared about living another day-because im scared of havin to feel this hurt over and over again.
  9. jackie1982
    i dont think i can go on anymore.some of u may hav been followin my story in the "breaking up" forum.i just split up with a bloke who i really loved and i cant help but blame myself.but it isnt just about that anymore.i feel so low at the min,i just dont know how to get myself out of it.things hav never gone right for me.as a kid i was bullied,my dad used to hit me,i got involved with a guy who cheated on me by sleepin with my best mate who i grew up with,and got his ex pregnant then he went bk to her.i didnt get into the uni of my choice or get to do the course i wanted to,iv struggled with the course i am doin,last summer i was raped,my grandads got cancer, and now breakin up with this guy i was seein who i loved seems to b the last straw.nothin EVER goes right and stays right.i tried seein a counciller after wot happened in the summer-she didnt help.and so i dont know wot else to do,i dont wanna b alive nemore.im fed up and scared when somethin does go right that that will just go wrong.just like this guy iv just been with,he was perfect and i cant help but blame myself.iv got my finals for uni in 6 weeks yet i cant even concentrate. and i know what every1 will say,u gotta give it time,go do this and that for urself.iv tried,but i cant,im not strong enuf nemore.iv got no confidence,i cant even use the phone,im in tears to my mum everyday,there 100 miles away. i am not physically or emitionally strong enuf and i feel theres no point me even bein here.guys just hurt me,my mates are all leavin in the summer when uni finishes and i feel sooooo alone.i feel like no1s ever gonna love me for me,i feel like im just living life alone and i dont wanna feel like that.im about to finish my degree and iv got no job or nethin to go for,i just see a future of nothinness,i feel completely worthless.wots the point,iv got nothin to live for,if its just gonna b full of hurt and i keep gettin knocked back b4 iv even got bk on my feet then i give up.
  10. jackie1982
    and in responce to S4il-u obviously havnt been following my story.me tellin him he still needs space to sort his head out wont hav come that much of a shock-thats the reason he gave in the first place for wanting some space.
  11. jackie1982
    i cant do this,every mornin im wakin up with such a horrible feelin in my stomach,a massive lump in my throat,i know his feelings 4 me hav obviously changed and i cant help but blame myself,why werent i good enuf 4 him,why didnt he try?why am i left feelin so empty and like i cant go on. hes left a dvd here and i keep thinkin arr a little txt to tell him,let him know if he wants to txt me he can.i dont feel im strong enuf to just stop thinkin about him,yet i need to because iv got my finals in 2 months,iv been goin out thurs nite i went out and got so drunk i had to b brought home early,this is affecting me so bad and i wish id given him his space,i know yer i cant go bk and change the past and yer i know we gotta learn from our mistakes but i cant go on,i dont feel like im strong enuf to go on nemore.im never gonna b good enuf.what did i do wrong?i cant stand the thought of some other girl makin him happy when i know at one point i did and i wanted to carry on bein that girl. he was so perfect 4me,this is too hard.id b dealing with this if he didnt mean so much!yet everything in this town now is gonna b a reminder,whenever i go into town ill remember the places we went to,remember him.i see other couples and its hurts, i see any romance between other people and i cant look,i wish i could just forget about him but i cant...im not jokin i seriously cant deal with this,why did i screw up so bad.i feel so humiliated
  12. jackie1982
    mayb by me sayin no contact, he mite actually not come bk,even although he mite want to? deep down all along iv been wantin him to come bk to me in time. hes not a guy to fight for somethin,when we had arguments even if it was him that had upset me it ended up bein me that was doin the effort to make things up. hes just not the type of guy to fight for somethin,but to run away and hide...every1 has their faults hey. this hurts like hell, i cant get him out of my head and im scared iv just lost the chance to b friends and mayb end up bein more again.as he has problems too.i cant stop thinkin about it and the more i think about it the more im beginnin to regret it? i know everything uv said there is right, but i just cant find the strength. i just keep thinkin if only i stayed on the scene then he wont b gettin over me so quickly and mayb start again. every situation is different right? all thro my life men hav just hurt me, my last serious boyfriend slept with my best mate aswell as gettin his ex pregnant, and i was so happy to finally find sm1 that actually loved me for me and treated me so well, i dont understand why it had to go wrong,i loved him soooooo much!i know even of he wanted to,he wont b makin contact now,wot if iv blown my chance.im still regrettin......i feel so stupid
  13. jackie1982
    if he really cared,he wouldnt hav just gone ok?cos if he cared he wouldnt wanna lose me?
  14. jackie1982
    i dont rekon it means that he dont care,cos it may well b that hes not contactin u because it hurts him too much to b in contact.iv just told my ex that i dont think we should hav contact nemore,its not that i dont care its because it hurts too much because i still love him and wanna b with him. its just fate tellin u it wernt meant to b i guess. how long were u with him?its just about bein strong,its a part of history but ur gonna end up clouding ur chances of bein happy again with sm1 else that will b there 4u and make u happy again.this is just life and i think it sucks.but what choice do we hav,we just gotta deal with whats happened.things happen for a reason and it will help u move on if hes not there.u gotta appreciate what u hav got, u only live once.i know exactly how u feel it hurts like hell, i tried bein friends with the guy cos i didnt wanna lose him but he wernt makin ne effort,now thats a guy that obv didnt care hey.u hav to b strong,keep tellin urself its for the best.ur too good to b beatin urself up over this,its not ur fault and theres not much u can really do. its just fate. u can find sm1 else,but can u imagine how much it will hurt u when he finds sm1 else?i feel sick just thinkin about that.give urself sometime, its still gonna hurt but it will get better in time.uv got one life,u mite aswell make the most of it cos the worst feelin in the world...is feelin of regret.u did ur best,its not ur fault....dont waste another day
  15. jackie1982
    hi guys for all those that hav been givin me advice,iv done it,iv cut the ties.he wernt makin any effort to b friends,i was doin well,i didnt contact him for a few days,but then he came on msn and i made the mistake of makin the contact and sayin hi,and he wernt really sayin much and i was startin to punch myself for sayin hi.i asked him if he missed me and he said abit yer,i said abit?and he said i miss the closeness...not even sayin he missed me!i felt so shit and was back to square 1.so afterwards i txt him sayin "i dont think we should hav contact nemore,because its hurtin me 2much i still love u and wanna with u,and u need time to sort ur head out" (was that a bad message?)and he just replied with ok if u think thats for the best.he wernt even bothered!!!!!!!i feel so so like poo now guys, i rekon im gonna end up regrettin this cos he was so special, and i liked him so much.mayb when iv done my exams and finished uni in the summer i could call him see how hes goin?why do i feel like i regret this already guys help!!!
  16. jackie1982
    arrr this is so hard.i miss him so much! i think commitment is an issue. but i think theres something alot deeper hes not tellin me. he says he had a very bad childhood, but doesnt talk about his past at all.i dont 'think' there was any abuse but i think he had a lot of anger issues or something? he knows he can trust me,iv trusted him with alot of my bad past and he knows i can trust him, mayb hes worried if he really opens up to me then ill run away? hes a very paranoid person,worrys about what every1 thinks of him.he doesnt seem to want to met me at the min because when we had the 'lets be friends' conversation i asked him what sort of friendship he wants to hav,he said lets start off just talkin over the phone or txtin etc.and he doesnt want to go to the football till next season. i havnt spoken to him since wed afternoon,but the longer we go without speakin the more i just wanna call him! i think theres somethin hes not tellin me but i dont know how to handle it.i guess if he realises that he should trust me hell come back to me right? he wernt pressurised into sayin i love u because he said it first,he said it abit hastily tho because from what i remember it was only after about 6 weeks! and we went straight into a relationship when we met.he still lives at home with his parents who are very religious. but iv been very hurt in the past myself, i was cheated on beyond this world with a guy i was with for a long time.mayb hes feeling insecure about hurting me himself? no contact could go either way couldnt it?i mean he could end up comin runnin bk but my gut feelin tells me thats not goin to happen.he seems to hav closed up all his feelings, he seems happier since we split. it could b as simple as he doesnt hav the feelings he first thought he had.which hurts like hell but there is a lot of signs tellin me that mite b the case? he said it didnt feel the same when we met up to talk b4 splittin officially, but he was a very affectionate person when we were togther and i know that at some point i did mean something to him. i dont wanna b the one to make all the effort,(yet its just me thats doin so at the min) yet i still wanna b there 4 him.i wanna wait for him yet i dont wanna wait for no reason! im just about managin to get on with my life again now, but i dont know what to do! do i wait for him to call or shall i give it a few days..or what?ARRRRRR
  17. jackie1982
    thats the thing-im not strong-im not strong at all.i couldnt give him space when he asked for it,but theres so many things to consider,hes not done nethin wrong and hes got alot of issues.knowin me im gonna do the completely wrong thing...!
  18. jackie1982
    ok...so what do i do next time he txts me?do i reply or ignore it?do i reply with a nice msg or a short sharp msg?i really dont know how to do this.....
  19. jackie1982
    things have changed now tho,hes feeling better so he says,he sounds more happier when i call him.that makes me worry that it was our relationship that was makin him depressed! now hes in complete control. he doesnt call or txt me 1st,its just me that makes any effort.i feel that iv done too much damage now. i want him bk the guy i first met, now we'll talk about things and laugh away,talk about the past and all the things we had togehter.but he still gets weird, he doesnt respond to me just sayin miss u at the end of our msn conversations. i know i meant somethin to him and although he was alittle distant at the end of the relationship he was still bein affectionate. now hes not at all. i know i found it difficult to give him space but i couldnt help it,i loved him so much and i was just doin what my heart was tellin me to do. im his first serious gf. iv blown it havnt i? what do i do from now to hav any chance of gettin him back?
  20. jackie1982
    i tell him so much that hes such a great person,that he has a heart of gold and he must know that i think hes a great person,i told him so many times that he how good lookin to me he was and other things too that should hav made him feel good,and he said at the time that i made him feel better about himself.i think he must think im like the only one that thinks that,but he could just b sayin it to not upset me?
  21. jackie1982
    life really sucks! yer its ok i appreciate ur advice,this is so confusing isnt it! i get the gut feeling he just doesnt want me nemore than just a friend but that could just b me bein paranoid. i really wanna know if well b together in the future but im scared of pushin him and makin him decide theres no future.hes just bein really weird with me,hell talk normally bout normal things to me,and will laugh and talk about the old times quite happily, but seems to not wanna talk bout the situation now,mayb hes still confused?when i tell him i miss him when he goes on msn he just leaves without sayin nethin. i asked him the other day if hed b goin to find other people and he said no cos im too fat and ugly.this is breakin my heart,its hitting my today that i mite hav done too much damage.only once between now and the split 3 weeks ago has he contacted me 1st but that mite b because i kinda get there first. iv got my university exams comin up and i cant think straight or nethin,im so stressed out and i rekon iv just pushed him away now.i just miss him so much. sometimes theres positive signs,sometimes theres negative.i just dont wanna push him but hes in complete control and i hate it,i just want him to b bk to how he was b4! i do really appreciate ur advice,i was happy when i was with him and now iv lost him and im so miserable
  22. jackie1982
    arr thats completely different to what every1s been sayin?of no contact? right basically the situation is this-was with the guy for just over 4 months,we were extrememly close but its his first serious relationship.he said i was the one,hed never felt this way b4.but then he went distant,asked for space because he felt depressed and wanted to sort his head out.and although i backed off a little bit im one of those people that just finds it too hard to do the no contact thing,i know i wish i couldv done but i tried and i just couldnt,i was so upset and cut up..and i was ringin and txt him occasionally for 2 weeks,some conversations hed say things like it didnt feel the same etc.but we had some good conversations too chattin like nothin had happened.then at the end of 2 weeks we met up,he kissed me,he then said he did it to see how it felt and said it didnt feel the same.i ended it myself but we agreed to stay friends.he says he was feelin lethargic etc.this was last friday.since then iv done all the contactin,but weve been hain laughs and good conversations fine,about the things we did and everything.apart from sunday when i told him i wish it could go bk to the way it was b4.since the split he hasnt responded to any of me tellin him that i miss him,but he said last time i asked him last thurs that he still loves me.he said he rekons hes changed cos he knows we were good together.the past few days he seems to hav picked up,and like i said he said he didnt want his space so much.i asked him today if he still has a pic of me beside his bed and he said yer,and i said to him at the end of our msn conversation dont forget me and he said how could i.so how do i handle this from now then guys?i still wanna b with him but mayb its abit too soon to be askin whether were gonna b bk together?i really want him bk but now im just worried iv done too much damage.in the long run i wanna b with him,i believe we were meant to b he was so perfect,but if not i wanna just b friends.please help guys,how do i handle this to get him bk?!
  23. jackie1982
    and does it still work if uv been having contact with them for abit of time after the space/split?!
  24. jackie1982
    but u can say if they dont call they wernt goin to but thats not necasarilly true tho...because if ur there as a friend still part of their life then the chances increase each time?u suggest no contact..how long do i give it then?this is all too hard to accept,i dont wanna control him but i dont wanna lose him cos he went thro a rough patch?i dont know what to do!
  25. jackie1982
    what about "out of sight,out of mind".iv been victim of that one b4!
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