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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. *I remember why I love(d) you. *I'm working too much. AGAIN. *I'm sick of looking over my shoulder and trudging amongst the squashed masses. Too many problems for this soul to handle. *Oh! So that is why. How much bloody pain on simple lack of understanding can cause! The difference between closeness and distancing. Will I ever change? Or is it enough to be known? *I hate bannock. Shut up about the god damn bannock already people. *I've never felt this way before. Ever. Don't know what it is. Except it is new. [video=youtube;xkte4TY12Zk] ] *Tonight is for looseness and floating. Tomorrow, activity and comprehending what it means.
  2. This is another installment in this story I posted last night. ( ) I may take it or leave it. Not sure yet. I hope starting another thread for this won't be a problem. This is just a first draft, continued. Comments are welcome. ***** "How many god damn times do I have to tell you Kimberly, brush your *beep*ing hair!" his voice was loud and biting. Why did he need to yell? She was standing right in front of him. "I did!" she snapped back, hotly. "Well you didn't brush it good enough. Brush it 150 strokes." She lifted the brush slowly and started brushing her hair on the right side. "Brush it all over, not just in one spot." "Well you want me to brush it 150 strokes don't you!? I could do my whole head in 5!" "Get up to your room and don't come down until your hair is brushed... now!" She turned sharply and ran up the stairs into her room, slamming the door behind her. Setting down on the bed she lifted the brush. 1...2...3...4 148...149...150. She walked confidently down the stairs and entered the living room, where her father sat reading the paper. "Let me see," he said standing up. A look of anger and frustration came onto his face. "You didn't even touch it! You went in your room and sat there for ten minutes! You brat! Why can't you do what you're told?" "I did! I swear to God I did!" "What's I tell you about swearing to God? We don't swear to God in this house." He snatched the brush from her hand and grabbed her by the shoulder, forcing her to turn around. For a split second she was afraid he would hit her with it. But she felt the plastic bristles, rough on her scalp. He hair wasn't tangled, at least there was that mercy. He was finished in under a minute. "Now get your ass upstairs and stay there. You lied to me." Once again in her room, she laid on her bed, crying softly. She rolled over and flipped on the radio. Loud rock music filled the room. She thought again of the man she met at Dr. Shmidt's office. She wondered how long it took him to brush his hair.
  3. If this words, will be solidify, If this heart, will be put on a scale; Titanic will sink again. Only God knows, the hurt He put in loving you. Burnt my the sun, shun by the stars; ignored by the moon. Yet I couldn't keep my heart under my sleeves. If this words, be solidify- I would've put it under a lens, so you could see my intentions- crystal clear. Only God knows, the hurt He put in leaving you.
  4. by Greggie Crickets chirp, their reasons unknown Gibberish language of that which we own Alive in the air, half-dead in the hall If you speak of nothing, you should speak not at all And I with my gallant articulate ways Could bring you to tears with just one simple phrase Carefully chosen words which I utter Ruined entirely by nervous stutter If only you saw me behind doors which close Kicked down by the mob, like a deer, I but froze Centered you stood, you belong nowhere else Distance so far from my corners and cells And all who surrounded you needed not be There was nothing but you - not even me Shrunken to half of my size in mere seconds A child now in age, I would come as you beckoned Your microscope burning my now ant-like figure Small as an atom, I wish I was bigger To grow seems unnatural, I stay minuscule The mind of a poet, the words of a fool I chose my own caste, and can't out if it crawl While you shall live richly and prosper in all Our paths will not cross, the words will not form This story will not go beyond pages torn I built you a pedestal, I built it too high I cannot grow an inch, I cannot even try I cannot climb over your fences of pickets I cannot be a God, when I'm only a cricket But think of me fondly, if you ever do And I will speak greatly and grandly of you I need not exaggerate, nor need I lie Crickets chirp, it is unknown why The poem is about feelings of inferiority, imposed on oneself, and the consequences which follow.
  5. Standing here waiting For a friend who won't come The soul begins to wither * Till it's just left for numb. Constantly picking up the phone At god knows the hour Yet never being helped yourself Leaves a part inside sickly sour. Fed up of these lies The hurt and no laughter Plays around with the mind Making it believe in no after. It starts with small words, Then it simply begins to ignite Till the flame overflows Into this heart filled with blight.
  6. Written in Def Poetry Style... Hey yo, I thought I forgave, I thought I was free These things from my past just won't seem to leave I cry out to God, I'm beggin him please These things from my youth just won't seem to leave Why didn't I just do it Suicide my option, but I couldn't go through with it. And I'm still cryin out hoping one day I change Hoping one day God rids me of this heart ache and pain Molested twelve years.... Equals a life of fear and a whole lot of tears. But I'm not crying now least not in defeat gave my life to Jesus Now I bow at his feet But it ain't finished yet I strayed off the path the devil had set He had a plan for me it ended six feet below But it started in a good or a "Functional home" Mom and dad were working while my brother raised us kids No one ever thought to think of what the problem is... I'm cryin when you leave, I'm cryin when you come home Still no one seemed to listen in our so called "Perfect home" Until police came to our door and opened up your eyes Now for once we finally see behind the dark desguise A life of lies to hide behind, A life of secret sins A man a child in our home, when did this begin? Did you know the pain you'd cause, brotha did you think? Did you know how mom would cry how often dad would drink? Did you know you'd leave that child lost hurt and confused? And everything we've ever known in one day we'd lose Did you know the drugs I'd use just to numb my pain? And how many times I'd come so close to a bullet in my brain? Did you know the choice you made would bring me to know Christ? And what the Devil meant for wrong would give eternal life? That's life it's just not perfect Some times I wonder if it'll ever be worth it?
  7. Does anyone have any idea what on earth does this song means? What does each 5 stanza means? The song is the following: The Sounds of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping, And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence. In restless dreams I walked alone Narrow streets of cobblestone, 'Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light That split the night And touched the sound of silence. And in the naked light I saw Ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening, People writing songs that voices never share And no one dare Disturb the sound of silence. "Fools" said I, "You do not know Silence like a cancer grows. Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you." But my words like silent raindrops fell, And echoed In the wells of silence And the people bowed and prayed To the neon god they made. And the sign flashed out its warning, In the words that it was forming. And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls And tenement halls." And whisper'd in the sounds of silence.
  8. I wrote this poem and it basically describes how i feel right now... This is the first time i've put any of my work out to rhe public. I appreciate any feedback and any advice or help as to my mental "situation"... SHATTERED Scream. There is a yell, of pain, of sadness, of misery... Cry. The darkness is everywhere, i feel it within me... Dream. Dream of a better place, where i can finally be free... Lie. I tell the people around me i'm content and happy... Stake. Put my heart on the line, because i always do... Again. Stabbed in the back, by someone i thought i knew... Break. Reach that point where my soul gets snapped in two... Pain. Always left behind, left alone, so sad, so blue... Pray. Just keep trying, hoping for something, but what? Spoken. Words that rip my heart, while my soul gets cut... Stay. Here waiting where you told me to go... Broken. I guess you were lying, was it all a show? Useless. Me, that's how i feel now i'm just part one of two... Run. From my problems, from the world, it's true... Heartless. What other word can i use to describe you? Done. With all the pain and crap you put me through. Wait. With a knife pressed against my wrist. Debate. Whether my life is really worth all this. God. Can somebody out there hear me? God? Is there anybody up there really? Someone? I'm sick and tired of all those people who degrade me... Anyone. I've been shattered apart, and i need someone to save me...
  9. If I should fall, you won’t be here to pick me up For you left and took my heart If I have to crawl, I will find you and take back what I gave you For you don’t deserve such a gift If I should fall, I will be alright Though my chest is heavy, my self-worth carries me far If only for a moment I hang my head It’s merely to say a pray for you since I can’t hold you If I should fall, you won’t see me cry For I am a man, though weakened by my open wound The tears that fall are in your honor And I hope you know that I won’t stay down very long If I should fall, the love I have for you will be my shield Though you can’t see it, it is there and I thank God for the time we did share If you were to ever look back, I won’t be there When I was down, love carried me far away If I should fall, I will face my fears and stand I must find the courage to take back my love and give it to those that deserve it and choose to stay For underneath this broken man lies a lion I will rise above this and I look forward to the day that loves finds me again If I should fall, don’t cry for me You threw me away and walked silently out of my life Like the memories of our love, they will fade Just as I did from your heart If I should fall, you won’t know it The tracks in the sand may be long Because I crawled to protect what was left of me -SuperDave71
  10. I've been writing some poems lately to help cope. You can see my story in the thread "broken long winded post". Thought maybe sharing would help some of you Plus i'll take the constructive criticism. If you want to know any of the meaning just ask : ) fibers, cells, nerves, and capillaries,all hands on deck i wish to sink the ship full of the memories id like to forget i can still see your body curves and all where you lay in the cocoon of cotton where we shared each other underneath your sheets i can still hear the clicking of the blinds against their frame i can taste every inch, i often envision the candle lit shower scenes freckles form upon the ridge of your nose, spotting your cheeks your hair accross your face as the Florida wind blows. Your smile and your laughter make the sun burn brighter for me calluses line the top of the palm of my hand pressed gently against your thigh your breath on my neck keeps me warm beneath the ceiling fan as our blood rushes through veins, eyes are wide the floor becomes mosaic and the pillows become the clouds: we hide if only you'd let me stay here in your arms deep inside echoes of giggles, echoes of moans a wall plastered with photographs no longer make this my room will you think of me when the first flake falls? will God bring opportunity for us to be entangled once more? i would take you fresh from slumber; no decoration upon your face hair pulled tightly back with a few strands out of place a wrinkled t shirt far too big and colors faded away; lost in a whirling spin much like you and me they say "distance makes the heart grow fonder" but too far a dare i find terrifying "better to have love than lost" is the cheapest form of lying a sucker i remain for even the simplest things traits overlooked by many were the first qualities i would see A hike through the past, a climb through your eyes; forest green lead me to a furry companion embodied this critter and I stay in the depths of your soul; a stranger to me now, still deep as a ravine i suppose this could be a means to an end, and end that has already began i thought I'd be in a different place when and if this inevitable Armageddon decided to strike and hit fore i wish to spend one more night with thee i wish to encapsulate both hips with my arms fly up to heaven as i drop down beneath thy knees the light you've lit and presented to me burns distant the moths enslaved by it now fly free like a serpent of sea, i stay here just me washing others away so selfishly, for now myself and I alone we must be
  11. Your psychiatrist is counting down the months till retirement Twenty-seven He won't show you your file because it's nothing but grocery lists and doodles Two ball-point-pen girls playing beach volleyball The blue one is winning again Hipsters on the patio mispronouncing French cigarettes Mixing hard and soft G's Hard and soft drinks When you see an odd number of lights in the distance That means there's a bus coming God never creates just one of anything But he does seem quite fond of odd numbers You tell the bus driver you'll never complain about bus drivers in this city again Ever since you realized that the cops were worse The LED lights in her apartment window mean someone's home You think about 99 New York beat poets lamenting the ugliness of neon lights And wonder if any of them lived to see LEDs The door swings open You didn't even ring the bell but somehow she just knew you were there This might not be such a bad birthday after all Twenty-seven.
  12. This poem I wrote most of it, the words in ''Italic'' are off songs that i related with...... Your love felt like a gift from God. Baby you and I we were so in love. We would've never given up. And you, You made me feel so high, by just looking in your eyes you made me feel so alive. We were blessed. I knew you loved me so, That look in your eyes was enough to let me know. I loved you with every breath that I took, with every beat of my heart. Would imagine one day I'd be your wife. Wouldn've died for you cos you were my whole life. Loving you was easy once upon a time but now my suspicians of you have multiplied. Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me. As much as I wanna trust you I know it ain't the same. I may never understand why but I'm doing the best that I can. My heart was shattered and I tried to breath. My stomach in knots. I couldn't believe, I just didn't wanna see. I remember feeling like I was no good, that I couldn't do it for you. I thought you loved me? You said that I was the one. I gave you my everything, my all but it wasn't enough, I feel like you've given up. No Holding hands down the street. No kisses or falling at my feet. We were so wonderful, so magically beautiful. Wish you didn't change, Wish you stayed the same.
  13. Do you know why the caged bird sings? Its song sweet yet mournful. Why does it not try to escape when released and instead returns to its cage. Is it chained by fear of harm or the unknown, it will not say. It sits behind bars in a space too small for it to spread it's wings and fly. What has it done to be treated so cruely? Has it commited a crime, or is it for the pleasure of mankind? Do you know why the caged bird sings so sweetly? It sings to remind itself of days gone by and for the hope of tomorrow. That's why the caged bird sings, sings so sweetly. "High Flight" Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there, I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air.... Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace. Where never lark, or even eagle flew — And, while with silent lifting mind I have trod The high untrespassed sanctity of space, - Put out my hand, and touched the face of God. [h=3]John Gillespie Magee, Jr. (9 June 1922 – 11 December 1941)[/h]It was because of this poem I have such a love of flying...
  14. The heart is mad, like an innocent boy sees and chases some new beautiful toy, I keep telling it, the insanity of all this, but it doesn't listen to me, and chases that Miss. When i look at her pic and the mind says Woww, Dont do anything stupid, dont say anythinig now, When i look at her hair, there is night everywhere, Can i be a star, in the dark that lies there, When i look at those lips, full of possibilities, that red burns my heart, but i doubt my abilities, When i look at her body which appears so slender, Her skin is so shining that my mind goes in wonder. Whoever you are, please dont have a broken heart, You are god damn beautiful, please play it smart, I wonder if you'll ever read it, and understand that its for you, Let it be a mystery and lets not further pursue.
  15. I'm extremely tired Of being wired With all this **** When I get bit, Want to be rid of it To soon, not yet Years of waiting left Those years have great heft, I just want to die Tell them all goodbye Goto heaven or nothing Dammit just do something, Im tired and sore This lifes a bore I want more for myself Ended up by myself All alone Got damn boned, im so ****ed This ear got shucked I cant cry I cant lie I cant die Music is my only friend Itll be with me till the end, God im glad theres music Makes some stuff less useless. Though sad it may be This is all me, Will somebody ever love me Will somebody ever care My guess is no I need to go, Go where There There There Nope here is where I must stay Im trapped; kept at bay I feel so hopeless The hole has no bottom I always feel lonely and rotten, I feel like a run away train Everythings a drain My life is ****ed; put on hold Think my balls are growing mold This world had no true gold No matter what, no matter how bold I just feel old And worn out To tired to shout, So here I lay me down to take it Maybe ill luck out Maybe I wont make it, I really do want to live But my souls run out of me like a sieve I have lots of holes Searching for a lonely shoal, Theres none to be found Problems compound Things get worse With every verse Why do I keep typing Why do I keep thinking Cuz I keep smelling the world Stinking, It burns my soul Hurts my heart Damages my self confidence Puts me on defense Pain makes me wince, Trying to dull the pain Trying to calm my brain Going down the drain Crashing like a plane Wish I never came My soul hurts, got a band-aid ma'am?
  16. alone in this world i shall be a captive prisoner, yearning to be free as though my life was cursed with a spell i continue to wish upon an empty well i trip over rocks on the road each night but cannot see for there is no light forgotten, alone and hurting to die with a soul so empty i cannot cry like a black star on a dark, cold night knowing it will never be alright i am drifting away and tearing apart from a broken life and a lonely heart i am a wilted rose with deadly thorns i am dying inside ,yet no one mourns and my dreams for tomarrow are fading away i pray to god, but the sky remains gray i am waiting here with patience thiinning just to find out it is only the beginning i fall on the road with existence unclear but yet remain unwanted
  17. Another day, Another smile, Another tear, Another mile. Another memory, Another pose, Another cloud, Another dead rose. To many fakes, So many lies, No one bothers to hear, The small childrens cries. All they see, And all they hear, Their own stuck up voices, Ringing in their ears. And i have began to wonder, Where the love of the world has gone, All they care about, What part of your body looks wrong. Starving kids, Old men on the streets, Depressed teenagers, Women with violent husbands thinking a night without a bruise better then the sweetest sweets. Every family, Their own secrets to hide, Such large secrets, That familys do divide. Yet she is not cool, Because she is too fat, Or she is a nerd, For alone she once sat. No one invites, The child to the park, And on her skin, The only place she is left to make a mark. So look around, And see a child, Give them a smile, For even they could be so mild. A smile prettier, Then all the colours of the world, And pray to dear god, Its upon a bed each person can lay curled.
  18. a relationship is like a family ....when one is down u do anything to cheer them up...a relationship is like god the one who lissens to ur cries even in silence..a relationship is like the sunshine which awaits you with open arms...a relationship is strength which can conquer all , a relationship is the support which gives us the energy to move forward, the relationship is a foundation which provides us with the empathy and a relationship fulfills that empty spot somewhere within us with so much love.
  19. (remember) the hair that played (the most beautiful pictures,) on your back, and stay there. as you reached for (the) branches that held our (sight,) from the clear sky that night, and you pulled down the shades to take me. and here, (the) bridge that was named as someone died, someone different who died, and on the (way) home; god said, to “quit * * * *ing calling me--” and, “day and night (I) heard you crying, from the morn of your birth and I (loved you, but) it is time you said (goodnight)"
  20. It’s almost to a point That misery makes me feel alive And If there is a god, he’s losing the war Half of people are poor Half the world is impure Half of marriages fail But they might as well What are we all living for? Summer ends, but I’ve always been cold And I have nowhere else to go I purchase my way through the mall But still I am miserable…. “You spoiled thing, you have everything” But you don’t know, cause you don’t see No friends no lover no father no future… But wow, I got a new car. I’ll slur my words and take a drink I’m just nineteen But you’re everything to me In this fake reality
  21. suicide match touches flammable sorrow vomit tonight, back to feeling tomorrow strain at the drain, but the pain will remain and the more you fill up, boy, the more you'll be hollow she just walked by you missed her and she was looking fine ha ha ha don't buy a bicycle - you could fall down don't ever laugh - your teeth might show and God forbid God forbid you would be caught venturing thumbtacks are everywhere - don't take a step dancing? might break a leg eating? so many germs cruising? no - potholes, potholes loving? you must be joking! someone could get hurt! life creates questions create superstitions funny how failure can be an ambition head under bed where the dread stains you red 'cause you're bleeding from scabs on your fragile partition she just walked by again
  22. Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. thereforeeee be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
  23. Morning, you ready? Not today, please Why not? Im all you got Every day, i've already told you, you're not welcome here Heres a bad thought for ya Gahh! I told you not today Think about that one over and over, it's all you know how to do Are you serious? You like torturing me for no reason You are me, and I am you No, you were me, but you're not welcome here You don't know how i work do you actually i know you better than anyone Im going to make you think about this bad thing until you fall apart You are like a parasite I am worse than that and i'll kill you quicker Every day i say im not going to let you in I know, and i laugh at you Without me you have noone to destroy Thats why im not leaving Even the most formidable foes will crumble You're not going to win David, i am incessant Strong yes, a thorn in my side yes, immortal no The more you fight me, the more power i get You're a good liar Don't resist what I make you do, you can't So are you ready? Bring it on You mean you're not afraid? No, I laugh back at you Im going to make you relive your worst nightmares You're just in my head, a thought, nothing tangible I am God to you He loves me, you don't lies Goodbye my old friend.
  24. Im so tired Tired of hearing that you love me Im tired of hearing you'll help me I'm tired of hearing that you'll never leave me I can't stand the people on Sunday I cannot stand the songs I cannot stand repeated lies I cannot stand on my feet and belong Why didn't you help me When I was clawing my way through Why didn't you hear me When I screamed and cried for you Why can't you free me from the hatred Why can't you release me from the shame Where's all this forgiveness? Not as easy as just asking, as they say Two years 4 months 9 days it was my strength I'm scared to say im done with you I'm scared to give you up Why can't you just talk back Why can't you just talk back!? If you love me so much, why did you punish me Stop quoting me lines and feeding me trash I want to actually see your face I want to touch your hands...
  25. Well I have been chatting away to someone great lately and yes I am going to do my best to make this attempt to describe the nice feelings and gentleness they have shared with myself . I want them to know that they have been a good influence.. Taken for granted.. there she was.. uncertain about life , but certainly a shining star.. I went to look inside she bit me on the hand.. I jumped 10 feet backwards . and wondered where I am? I looked a little closer.. and saw a soul in despair.. I gently reached forward so you knew that I cared. I waited to bitten I was a little afraid. but when you opened your heart it was me you saved.. or did I save you? I talk to you every day a blessing in disguise.. you have goodness oozing from your eyes. I think your very special and know you will do well so all those who offend you I know will burn in hell. An image in my mind.. of a forest big and vast where trees skyrocket and where the mist does bask.. I can see some children hugging you right now.. because your a mother .. the love of their lives.. I know that you are great and so I hang around .. to see you in your glory as the time comes around.. when you need some help.. just call out my name.. You have a beautiful mind.. a beautiful soul..and you look beautiful.. God bless you.. I have grown to Love you my friend. Thank you for the honour of getting to know you.. I am here to help..to see you shine at the top of the toppest mountain.. TB.
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