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About Me

  1. The gist: Male and Female, mid to late 20's and 30's. We’ve started our long-distance relationship 2 months ago - We spend a lot of time playing online games. In the past week, we’ve spoken about two guys that bug me in one way or another. And this morning I woke up with a heavy heart and clouded mind. I thought and hoped we closed this matter last night… Should I, How do I drop this? forget this? ? guy1 who flirts with her while I’m in the same game lobby. I noticed when we play with him, her signs of affection for me disappear. I’ve expressed that I wish her signs of affection wouldn’t lessen when he enters the lobby. She expressed that she only did that because she thought he wouldn’t like it. I translated it like this… Affection towards her from guy1 is ok. Affection FOR me in front of him - is not. In her defense, she says she loves me and would be more expressive next time we play with him. Then the other guy… A parasite. guy2 who whispers into her ear of his failed marriage while confessing romantic emotions to her. He disparages her in game… And she goes back. I’ve expressed my concerns and feel he’s attempting to manipulate her. My girlfriends solution to my heavy mind and heart is… well… She’ll “distance” herself from him. In my minds eye I see myself in a similar situation… her concern expressed as she typed and spoke would not be ignored nor would I wait aforementioned concerns to fester. Cutting ties with individuals that would bring her such discomfort would be easy for me. Should I wait for her to “slowly and politely" let them fade away? What can I do to not feel this way? Be brutal. Really lay it into me… Feel free to judge me.
  2. My girlfriend left me one year ago, now my best friend left me recently, my family is demanding me time with them because I barely dedicate it to them. I have 4 pets, one a little kitty and they are very demanding. A little more of context: I'm a university student and this semester I'm taking too many courses, so I have my time really strict, although I can withdraw some of them to decrease the academic load. So I'm very conflicted right now because 1. My beat friend left me because I'm not a good friend, I'm selfish and it is VERY hard for me to think about other people, and I hate it. I thought I'd be changing, nonetheless, I was thinking about not spending some hours with my family in order for me to finish my week's assignments and be able to do some sport. Indeed I'm being selfish and instead of dedicating 4 hours to them a week, I'd rather go and do my stuff. 2. I know I can do this semester with great grades but as I said, I'd have to dedicate myself to it, and my family and pets demand time. I honestly feel overwhelmed. This issue of being selfish and not-at-all empathic has being over my shoulders for some years now and I can't seem to take it off. I REALLY want to be better, to build myself a good, loving future, full of people I love and I can make happy, but it is so hard and I try and try my hardest and I fall again in the same mistakes.
  3. From few days, I have been getting ill feelings towards every human being. I don't know what is happening to me. People just wanna criticize me. I try to help them but they don't wanna help me. I asked for some advice but only 2 persons helped me. Others just listened to the problem as if they are joining what is happening in my personal life. I feel as if they are so selfish. They just wanna take help but don't wanna help others. Even if they don't have anything to advice,at least words of comfort may help, isn't it? I literally avoid asking for help from people because I don't wanna disturb them but when i do, consider it a serious issue. Next i am tired of being criticized. Even if i help them,they don't take it seriously. They humiliate so much. It's as if they slit your neck into two and say"Oh sorry,sorry.. I didn't mean that." Yet i forgive them even before they ask for it. Please help me. I have so many hardships and i just need words of comfort to be least but they don't understand what one is going through. I can't discuss my problems with anyone, they would consider it a burden ,i am sure. I am tired of keeping them within myself. I don't know what is happening to my heart. It's getting filled with filthy feelings, I don't know what should i do?
  4. My fiance dumped me. He stated that to him we are still together and he isn't looking for anyone else and that he love me. We hang out and still communicate. Sometimes we have really good days and forget that we aren't "offical". But that don't sit right with me. I get angry and i feel like if we are going to act like we are together than why can't we be together. He said he is at a mental standstill in his life and need to work on bettering himself and i should do the same. That's cool and all but it don't make sense to me. How are we supposed to better ourselves apart but still be involved in each others lives? Its frustrating. I just want to move on. Not move on and sleep around, but move on and heal. I want us to grow together, not apart and he won't change his mind and i hurt him constantly by being ok with it one moment and hurt the next. He keep saying stuff like "I don't know what I'm doing" or "I'm lost and confused" "I'm sorry, i don't want you to hurt".... Can somebody explain what im supposed to do. Why is he doing this. I need to make a very big decision and i dont want to feel selfish or regret from it. And please no bashing. I'm not ok the last thing i need is some to tell me to get over it. My mind is fragile and sometimes i don't even want to be alive.
  5. so 5 and a half weeks ago my friend reversed her car and swung it around and hit my parked car. she damaged the bumper and she smashed the washer housing. she said she would fix it so i didnt go through insurance. now 5 weeks later i told her i was getting impatient and i wanted the washer fixed as i can get points on my license for driving around with no washer if i have an accident. She told me to chill out and that im being OTT....this obviously wound me up. Anyway 2 days later she fixed my washer and now thats ok. but the bumper still needs fixing so i said id like it done in the next 2 weeks. i also said the bumper is mis aligned as well as dented. she then says its only a tiny chip, i already have scratches over the car. .....she then goes on to say im pregnant dont pressure me....i did wonder how long it would take her to play that card! and whats it got to do with my car i dont no? she then also says why are you pushing this your not being a good friend. she then says if it costs too much you will have to bring it to us and we will sort it out manually.....so what shes saying is if she cant afford it then i have to pay petrol and do the running around to accomadate her mistake...great i asked her for her insurance details and she refused she wants to get her own quotes to get it fixed but i asked a garage for a quote and they said they cant do that without seeing the car, so i dont know why she thinks she can get an accurate quote without it being seen properly? When i sent her pictures of my bumper again to show the misalignment she says the pictures are diffrent to hersthe damage was not there....well no ones hit my car since, and maybe her boyfriend taking the bumper off and not putting it on propely may of done something but unless i get it properly checked i wont know. she says shes updated me at every stage....this isnt true, looking back through my texts i messaged her 8 times over the 5 weeks, she never initiated a single text but replied to mine, so i had to do all of the chasing she has called me a liar as well when ive told her my bumper is not aligned anyway, any thoughts on how this can be resolved? i have no interest in being her friend now after this, shes shown her true colours. i want to get a proper quote by someone whos seen my car first hand, not some mickey mouse quote going from a photo shes shown them do you think shes being a good friend? any advise on whether they quoter should see the car before they make a quote? and any advise on how i can get her to pay for the damage. thanks
  6. Ok so I'm sure some of you have read my post in the relationship thread about my fiance working out of town and us barely talking and so on. Basically what this boils down to is I'm unhappy. I have been extremely stressed due to the fact that he still has not been able to contribute to the Bill's at all. Except maybe $50. Now granted I can see where some of you would say he shouldn't have to pay for any of the bills here, if he's not currently here which I understand. but he's not even trying to help pay our cellphone bill. His solution to the fact that our phones are going to be shutoff is to just forget about it and go get a prepaid phone. Now I've had the same cellphone company for 7 years. Not to mention I've been working on rebuilding my credit after filing bankruptcy last year. So when he said that I was infuriated. I did calmly tell him that that is not an option nor the way i handle things. It's been harder because I had surgery 3 weeks ago and I missed a little over a week of work, on top of I'm part time and now they've cut hours so I don't even get what used to be the minimum of 25 hours a week. And I have considered getting another part time job, but on also trying to overextend myself and screw my shoulder recovery because I've also just started school. I've not had to worry so much because my veterans disability does cover the rent for the apartment. but there's still about $900 in bills that have to be paid every month. Which he used to atleast help me pay the electricity and the phone bill. I always of course covered my car and insurance. but now I'm basically scrambling to cover for everything. It has boiled down to the fact that I'm now having to move in with friends because I can no longer afford all the bills. His response was I'm sorry baby but thats a good idea and basically that was it. Mind you, it did take a bit for me to realize the only bill he has where he's at is rent to the people he's living with. Thats only 250. And he sends $50 child support every week for his daughter. I know he has child support taken out for his son. but he gets paid every week, where I only get paid every 2 weeks. And I'm lucky now if its $150 And he's currently making a good bit more than me. He goes to the gym every day on his dime and he buys protein powder and pre-workout supplements as well. But says he can't send anymore money. Is it wrong of me to be fed up? I've been thinking about ending things and just getting a fresh start. Especially since at 33 I'm having to move in with friends to get my together. on top of now I'm going to school and still recovering from shoulder surgery. Am I being stupid or what?
  7. i just recently realized that the reason why im shy is cos i strongly feel like im no good on the inside. like i feel utter dislike for my self, there isnt a word on this planet that i can use to describe how i feel on the inside. i feel less than everyone around me like they deserve life and i dont. what the heck. where did this come about. i see some people actually worship themselves. how can you like yourself where do yo start. i want to be able to like myself to the point where i actually become selfish, like good selfish, and stop being a people pleaser. just letting this scum out of me.
  8. SO i've called and begged, pleaded, whined, threatened (not in a scarey way). I've met up with him a few times (a month later) and lost weight got brown and managed not to get blasted and tearfull and made him laugh. I've even had sex with someone else. Still he is in my thoughts every waking hour of every day and I want him back so bad it makes me feel physically sick. We'd been rowing a bit before we broke up- I,ve got a new job and was stressed. So he calls me up and says he needs to concentrate on his career and be selfish for a while which makes me wanna wring his neck as I really needed his support. Help.
  9. My ex boyfriend is the guy who treated me like crap, and broke up with me due to his cheating, after I relocated with him to florida, i'm back home in wisconsin now. (He said his cheating was not the cause of him not wanting me anymore) Well anyways I have a couple of posts on here and everyone has been really supportive. So thank you all, this chat and time have helped me a great deal, its only been 3 weeks, but i'm coping. I was just wondering? I think I have gone through a couple of stages since the break up, that by the way he couldn't even commit to doing that right(breaking up). Anyway i'm sorry , the stages i've went through so far of course was, Shock and denial, than desperation and helplessness, now i'm going through ANGER and acceptence, I guess the more I accept and think about it the angrier I get at times. Is this normal and what helps get through this, please tell me it will get better, be honest. I also keep thinking of the person he cheated on me with, I never saw her, which is good, and I guess she never knew about me. My ex told me about details of them which I understood he didn't want to be with me but I think by him telling me certain things, it was very cruel and selfish of him. I was just curious since he has started that relationship out based on lies, is it destined to fail? I could only hope, not because I want him back, but because he hurt me I don't want to see him happy right now. Is that selfish of me? Well any advice and comments are welcome. Everthing we as people go through makes us stronger and more prepared in the future, i guess. Well it sounds good and positive!! Thanks again, Katie
  10. right now, i am reliving every selfish, clingy,crappy thing that i ever did to my ex boyfriend, and it sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel horrible. i apologized to him for my selfishness, and have decided that if trying to convince him to come back is selfish too! i also realize that i am more in love with him now than i ever have been before--- and i love him so much that i wish him all the happiness in the world. at the same time, if i was blessed with the chance to be with him again, it would be so wonderful. i hope that he has accepted my apology, and i hope that one day he can forgive me.
  11. i hear all these people scream and im thinkin god i just want to die i ask god to please if he's there to end my pain but he hasnt i want all the pain to end no matter what it takes i mean i just dont really care what it takes and everyone is tellin me suicide is selfish but well some times you got to be selfish and well i see this as one of those times nad i mean like why keep goin i hear all these people screamin and i realize im goin to join them some day ill be able to be care free and have no problems but thats gonna be...my dying day cause there is no way any person or thing is gonna be able to help me cept for one thing this knife or those pills or that gun but for some reason ive been fightin but now the voice told me that its time for me to turn the knife on my throat instead of my arm and i feel like every one in the world hates me and as im writin this i realize ... they do
  12. Hey everyone, Ok im having a friend problem. I'm sort of selfish over this friend that i have, but we are like brothers. He lies to everyone a lot,and he tries to suck up to everyone. All he wants to do is be popular. Sooooo in public if its me and him and someone else he will always try and suck up to them and THEN IF HE HAS TIME talk to me. But in private we talk and its all good. This is WRONG, and he says he will stop. He acts like a manho, he goes around flirting with every girl he can, its terrible. Everyone's parents cant stand him but still hes my best friend. I need some advice.... this is killing me
  13. The other day, I told a girl that I liked her...but after spending the weekend alone, I realized why I did this. I do not like her...but I have been jealous of the success of others...so because of this, I was greedy enough to invent feelings for a girl and pass them off as genuine. I feel more shameful than I have ever felt in my life, and I was lucky enough to break it off cleanly with the girl (we simultaneously told each other that we were just friends). However, if she found out that I was selfish enough to make her confused about how she felt about me for my own personal gain, I would not know how to feel. I do not know what I am asking through this topic, but feel free to respond with your reactions. This just needed to be said to take a burden off of my shoulders, which is also quite selfish when you think about it.
  14. Against all better judgment I dated a girl a few years younger than me. I have never done this before, and it seems like I had good reason. Our relationship was going perfectly, I really feel ilke I was falling in or was in love with this girl. Being around her everything seemed so much better, just talking to her brightened my day. I have never had a relationship go so well, or felt so strongly for someone, I have thought I was in love before but this was/is much different. But she decided she is not ready for a relationship, and there is absolutly nothing that we can do about it. She still has strong feelings for me, she just can't handle a relationship right now, she has so much going on in her life. Now where does this leave me? I can't change the way I feel about her, and the feelings will not go away. Because of the way we broke up I can't see myself moving on for a while, I relly don't want this relationship to end. I think that is the problem. If I can't accept that fact how can I possibly move on. When we actually broke up I wen't numb, I didn't know what to feel and was speachless, I left so much unsaid. Its been about a week now and the feeling snuck up on me, I have had time to think about how I really feel. I wake up a few times in the middle of the night thinking about her, I really need more closure in this. Is it wise for me too call her and talk about how I feel? I am afraid it will make things worse for me, and I don't want to put her through more pain than she must be going through already. I feel like it is selfish of her to just end it like that, but its also selfish of me to not think about what she must be going through. You can probably tell I am really confused about all this. I don't know how to feel or react to anything. Some advice would be VERY helpful.
  15. When a woman tells you that she dosent know what she wants, is she saying that she dosent want you? She still calls my phone and blocks her number and tells mutual friends of ours that she dosent understand why she cant get over me but she cant let go of the past. She also called me and sent me a e-card on my BD signed Luv Always. Why? She says that I was selfish, wasnt there for her and crushed her spirit. We were together for 6 years. It seems that she is doing this for someone else or her pride wont let her give in, or could it be fear? She always ends her e-mails with (...) what dos taht mean? is she playing with my head or something?
  16. .....you have any chance of getting back together with your ex..... One of the first signs is the "Me Me Me" people that flock to this site. They are looking for a quick fix then disappear without trying to help any other people with their issues. We know you are in a desperate state but stop being so selfish and look to help other people also. When you do this, it just shows that you quite possibly have a problem with being too selfish and this could be a problem that hindered the relationship you are trying to ressirect The "We've been together for 1.5 months and he/she said he/she loved me and now he completely broke my heart" people. Chances are he or she was only infatuated with you and wanted something and either got it and bounced or saw he/she was not going to get it and bounced. You wer not in love you were in lust. Lust at first sight happens not love, do not confuse the two. For the most part its time to move on and this person was just using you for whatever reason The this is the "Umph-teen" time we've broken up people. Take the hint; the relationship is doomed and you're holding on to something that is obviously not healthy or productive. The signs are there, move on! The "How long should I NC him/her" people. There is no set duration. Play it by feel, but the feel is if you can confront the person without bringing up "us." The "He/She is happily married with four kids, but I have once again began t have feelings for him/her" people. Seek professional help with the one. The "How long until he/she comes back" people. Nobody knows that question so stop asking. If someone does give you an answer to your question they are BSing you. Chances are the person does not even know the answer to that question his/herself The "I'm 13 years old and he/she is the love of my life. I want to marry him/her." kids that have run rampant on here. You're 13 and there will be PLENTY of people after this person to date. Play games with this person and mike him/her jealous to get him/her back for another two weeks. There are hormones running through your body at amazing levels and what you are feeling now will be laughable when you're 25. Play games have fun while you can. When you get older the games become more intense and truly hurtful.
  17. This is the second poem I wrote in my life. Please let me know what you think WE MADE IT GO…. We let it go…. It was so painful It felt like a dull knife Slowly cutting up my soul And blood all black from anger, frustration and disappointment Dripping from everywhere From eyes and heart and ceiling Coming down the walls And drowning me I cannot breath, I cannot scream And move Everything is scary and dark And there is no single ray of light Coming into the room Will it ever stop? Will I ever open my eyes again And see the sun? Will I ever move, or dance Or laugh, or walk, or talk, or breathe? We had sunshine within our souls We felt joy from every touch, From every kiss, from every word But we let it go… We were blind, and deaf We lied and sinned We were selfish and unkind We let it all be covered by the darkness of the world Without a fight, without a scratch Without a cut It's lost, it's gone, it's never coming back We changed, we grew Apart and older Now I can see the sun again And move and breathe and talk And even laugh But it's all not the same There were no rusty staples in my heart before And now they're there squeezing tight So tight so that old wounds are opened up from time to time It really hurts, And bleeds sometimes Just like the dirty, stepped on And with broken wings our love was bleeding When it was forced to go away We made it go…
  18. I'm trying to deal with conflict better and could use some help. I'm the type who always apologizes to the other person even if it's not my fault, just because I don't like the tension. How do you know when you're being reasonable and when you're overreacting to something? Because I haven't really ever been assertive in my life, I don't know when I'm being selfish or just right. Like, I'm trying to pull this project together at work, and one of my co-workers started meddling and I had to tell her to lay off - it was getting confusing who was doing what. I think I was right in doing that, but because I've never been assertive, I don't know. And meanwhile she's mad at me. I hope this post makes sense. I'm just trying to develop healthy boundaries, but sometimes it's not clear what those are. And when the other person doesn't react well, then it's REALLY hard for me to stand my ground! How do you know when you're right?
  19. I have been having a lot of problems with everything since i left highschool and now currently enrolled in college. Most of the time im depressed and i cant talk to anyone about it. (LIFE) Life is hard and unforgiving, I'm dizzy from the constant spinning. They say everyone has a purpose, I just can't seem to focus. Most of my life seems to be a fake, All that happens to me is heartbreak, Make this feeling stop that persists, How could such a feeling ever exist. I'm waiting for the perfect time, To say to you the perfect rhyme. Poetry is the way I can say my feelings, One day I hope to find my bearings. The day you are in my arms ill be fine, One of these days I wish to call you mine. I'm selfish and always complain, I'm sorry but I can't handle this pain. Maybe this is what is supposed to be, Showing me that I'm not meant to be free. Doesn't matter to me; no one else cares, So bring on the constant nightmares
  20. This is my first time on this forum and I'm not sure where/how to begin. Feels like I'm at a crossroad in my life and unsure of which way to go. Guess I'll first try to give a little history of my past, or at least the part I've been especially struggling with lately. I've been in a relationship in one way or another for the past 14 years with a married man I met at work, with the exception of the 3 years I completely stopped seeing him (my decision). I don't want to say too much about my feelings for him because I'm afraid they wouldn't be understood and I doubt anyone would appreciate my words of love for him. I never thought I'd find myself in this situation and it's hard to believe I'm still in it. As I get older though I think more about how wrong and selfish I've been to not let go. I want so much to straighten my life out and I know the first step is being without him permanently once and for all but how do I make my stubborn heart listen to my hard head?...
  21. The possibility of failure is too much for me; I really don't want to live anymore. I've been deluding myself with grandeur visions of law school, or grad school when it's not going to get any better. I might transfer to a different school, but it won't matter much. I just don't want to try anymore, I don't want to acknowledge failure any further. I don't know if I will be able to do it, but I know I don't want to live anymore. I think I need help, although I don't know who to talk to. No one really understands me. It is a selfish act because my family would be devastated, along with a few friends, but I really don't want to live. Typing this is simply an acknowledgement of my recognition of failure, frustration and feeling of dejection. The only way I will be content with life is if I have a challenging and satisfying job, and by the looks of it, I'm not even sure if I'll make graduation. I just want out. It may be a narrow view, but only if I can turn my life around can I be happy and I'm not sure if I can do that. I've tried in the past and it didn't happen; the probability for future success is just as slim. I want out.
  22. I hear what people on this site are saying, and even agree with you.....but for some reason my heart always goes back to her....I just want answer, and to tell her how she makes me feel....I want her to know that she is a jacked up person, and has no regard for anyone but herself. I want to tell her about all the terrible things she has done to me, and I want her to know that through it all, I still feel that what happened was so long ago, and I would be willing to work at it!! But she is so selfish that I fel it will fall on deaf ears..... I just do not understand how she could just leave and never look back on us, never be curious.and pick up a phine to say hello!! ....to be honest at this point I kinda hope that Karma pays her back, and that she has to experience some of the pain I have felt for the past several years. I wish her to be lonely, and to eventually pick u[p the pone. I pray that I will have moved past this, and found happiness, but that the anger still resides, so that I can cut into her, and tell her all of the horrible stuff she did!!! I want to hurt her like she has hurt me, than perhaps I can smile and go on my way!
  23. My gf is 16, and I am 17 (senior in high school). I am going to college next year on the other side of the country. Her and I have been together for 5 months now. We both agreed to separate when I go to college. So we were fine when we said that. Then we both came back to each other later, and started thinking "When do we break up?" I mean is it selfish if I just stay with her until I go to college and then we break up? I mean if we already know that we are breaking up, why not break up now? I asked her if she wanted to break up now, and she said no. I want to be with her till the end... but is that selfish? is that wrong? Should we start being friends, so we can start our friendship close distance rather than trying from so far away? I have cried everynight since she told me this (1 week ago). She even said to take a break this weekend from each other. So I am not seeing her until monday..... then the next problem is that prom is coming up. I already have my suit, and she has her dress and I have the tickets... do we still go? or will agony persist..... I usually look too into things (as she says). So am I getting all wrecked up for no reason? I just don't see purpose if there is no future... ForAnother
  24. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years now, she is still in school while I just graduated so after being together for a year and a half we are now doing the long distance thing. She has had some thoughts that since I am in detroit she automatically feels pulled toward fdetroit now matter what her opportunities may be, even though I have told her I will go anywhere for her. She has also been compareing our relationship to one of her friends who is on a bad relationship with her fiance. Her friends think she is making the wrong choice by marrying the guy. Naturally my girlfriend is now questionsing and comparing our relationship to her friends which is not even close to being the same type of relationship. Through out the time we have been going out, I think I have bent over backwards for her, and really when I look back on it I think I have done far more for her than she has for me. She is very confused and had so much in her life right now with school and activities. She said she was being selfish and really didn't want to be but I told her that she had to be becuase she needed to figure things out. I guess I am wondering if I was right ion saying that or is she selfish and taking me for a ride. I don't know what to do, I don't want to loose her but shoudl I keep on going on if she is going to be selfish
  25. Silent sorrow fills my mind Suspending the very sense of time I watch the people as they streak by Two strangers approach And then collide A huff, a puff But nothing more Grab your stuff, but a second for A look of fleeting confusion A sense of utter intrusion A want for conclusion Of this momentary interaction This sudden, unwanted distraction This personal infraction So now, part and back on course Two separate directions A few dazed reflections But nothing much more Forgetting the unevent The nothingness Only, time it bent So I sit here All the wiser Knowing that I will remember This moment of true human nature Representative of the human creature So this is what we have become So this is what our selfishness has done Silent sorrow fills my mind Suspending the very sense of time I watch the people as they streak by In various ways They all collide
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