The Morrigan

*shrugs* I've gone on my own often, generally though, places I've been before, and smaller ones I'm familiar to the regulars, if not friends per se. When you're a regular somewhere, you can casually chat with people and not stand out as being alone. now, if you sit at a table by your lonesome, nursing a beer, and looking desperate or mopey, the only attention you'll attract then is PITY, not desireable. If you yourself aren't comfortable and feel awkward, it will show. And that will make you much less attractive.

Are there any interests you have, like outdoors, or athletic type stuff, that would tend to draw less "effeminate" types you'd be more at ease with? Sorry if you've already searched some of these options, just trying to throw ideas out on the table.

Just off the top, I think it might partly depend on the time of day and the scene a little, but for the most part, the attitude you go in with. Going for a drink earlier on, after work, for example, alone wouldn't be a big deal at all, and could be a plus as long as you're not buried in a paper or something. Even later, I can think of several ways you wouldn't look like a lone loser, one being sitting at the bar itself, where you're not taking a table looking isolated, or standing and circulating, even make casual conversation with other people that don't look super confident about being there. Even people who come in a group don't always feel like they "belong" or feel left out a bit, and are only too happy to have someone to strike up a conversation with, both guys and girls. As a matter of fact, it's sometimes less intimidating to strike up conversations with someone of the same sex initially if you're not used to it.

There are many special interest AA groups - including homosexual ones, which address issues that are more unique. link removed there's a list that might be of some help to you, one of the founding gay/lesbian special interest AA groups was founded in DC, so you're in a good location to start. I'd also agree with muneca - maybe join a couple of gay support groups which are just to explore the issues of homosexuality til you find one that "fits" you - and see if there are other clubs or meeting spots they can recommend where the odds will be with you that the people you'll be socializing with are not only similar in interest, but more likely to be gay than not. Give yourself a wider pool of eligible people to meet.

Also INFJ counselor type - and definitely AM an introvert. Most of what it says fits pretty well.

It can lower some women's sex drive, though not all - a lot notice no difference, but some do experience a lower drive. One thing that CAN contribute to that is it can affect the production of vaginal secretions - in other words, cause dryness that makes sex less pleasureable. Some lube for fingering and sex can be a BIG help for that. And if that doesn't seem to help, there are different pills, which some of the formulas are a bit different - if she tells her doc the problem he can switch to a different one. Most of what I've heard on here favors the pill over the patch, since they tend to start peeling up before the time is up. There's also the depo shot, which I've heard varying things about side effects, though it's certainly the most convenient.

1) if you don't have it, get call blocking on your phone, and BLOCK HIS NUMBER. You don't need to agonize counting his calls, being tempted to pick up, so block him out. If he really needs to tell you something important, he can relay it through a friend. Period. 2) Make yourself a "when I'm weakening" list, of things you can do when you get that urge to call. Rearranging your room, the living room, organizing kitchen cabinets, take your son out... anything that both burns energy and burns time is good. If you can get past the "moment" it's MUCH easier to say "thank GOD I didn't call" and rearranging stuff is like a minor way of rearranging your life. If you're not seeing "nice" moments, ghosts of him, every time you look at your bed, couch, etc, it's one less reminder you need. And if he has anything left there, box it up, duct tape it shut, and find a mutual acquaintance to get it to him. One less excuse for him to try to contact you, and more reminders of him out of your life. 3) Call those hotline people, and your pastor, and get yourself into a support group. For one, this will give you a WHOLE group of people who can REALLY relate right in your neighborhood - and there IS strength in numbers. And these are people who you can feel you're helping support, even as you're getting ideas and support from them, it'll help you get a bit of sense of self back knowing your experience might be helping someone else resist going back to an abuse cycle. And you'll have a group of people you can start getting to know, meet for coffee at weak moments, and they can do the same for you, and tell you every reason you DON'T want to talk to him again. People who are or have been in your shoes who you won't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed in front of. 4) If you're uncomfortable going to your church for services, call and ask the pastor to come to you. It's not an imposition. That's what they are THERE for in a large part, to offer counseling, and support, to the people they serve in God's name. And they would be more upset that you hesitated to turn to them - so let them give you a hand, and guide you to get more strength and comfort from your faith. Keep posting here as well, we're all behind you. We all care, and have faith you can make it through this. Nothing will sound stupid, and we won't judge, but we can and will continue to listen and offer whatever we can. Best of luck to you!!!

It's not her virginity. Hymens can be broken in any number of non-sexual ways, including falls, using tampons, gyn exams, because it's very thin and not that secure. Even if it's broken a little by fingering or something else, she's still a virgin, and will still experience some stretching, or discomfort/pain on having sex for the first time. For fingering - going in her vagina really isn't necessary, or indeed even a very good way, to give her pleasure. Be gentle and concentrate on her clitoral area; if you're not sure where it is have her rub your finger on it, she'll be able to locate it more easily than you will. (Also make SURE you wash your hands beforehand, or you could accidently give her a nasty infection, the areas down there are very sensitive to germs and bacteria.) You also might want to be careful, if your gf is younger than you, any sexual contact could be illegal with her.

I'm very sorry to hear you've been put through this. Having been in a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship myself, I can tell you a couple of things that might help. First - the prince charming you saw was the facade, it's not under the surface - that IS the surface. This is the mask the world sees that allows him to get close to people and control and exploit their weaknesses. This is not the real him. The real person, the abusive one, only surfaces privately, after the facade has secured a place for him with someone, and is kept private. I'll bet most people would look at him and think "Joe? Abusive?" and laugh because he "seems like such a nice guy," and a man's man who is good buddies with many, though close to few. Second - apologizing IS a cycle. Whether it's to get you back or not, it's not because he honestly intends to change his behaviour and sees something WRONG with it, it's offering you lip service to reinforce his OWN point of view he has nothing to feel guilty about. And to be able to weaken your resolve that he's abusive, to try to get you to take part of the blame and make allowances for his behaviour. Do NOT call him or contact him. Avoid seeing him alone, if he still has things to collect, have a male friend or relative you trust there, or have the police there; you don't have to press charges to have them there for security purposes. He is a bully who has shown his lack of control and ability to use physical violence against something smaller and at his mercy - do not put yourself or your son at his mercy and take any chances, get him out of your life and keep him there, and if he persists in contacting you, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER.

Ok honey, NOBODY needs to start trying to have a baby months into a relationship. Children should be born into a stable family unit, stable emotionally and financially, to two committed parents. Regardless of your maturity, you're still developing in many ways, you're still an adolescent, and have more growing to do. He needs to respect that. If he really loves you and wants to raise children with you, waiting a couple of years until you're older and the two of you have grown together in your relationship should be no hardship for him. Right now this is not only illegal, it's thoughtless, and unrealistic of him. If he can't back off until you're older, he doesn't love you enough, plain and simple. If he says if you love him, you'll try, tell him if he loves YOU, he'll be willing to wait for you, the cost of him wanting someone who is so much younger is patience. And if he really loves you, this will be no heavy price. Do not get talked into something you think is "crazy" for anyone, this is YOUR life, and it has to be your priority to make sure you don't allow anyone to mess it up.

Hmm, are you wanting to spice things up with this girl for the right reasons? You say the two of you don't seem to have much to chat about, and things have cooled off. You're worried about losing touch if there's not more than what's there now to hold on to some connection it seems. But if you two really have trouble chatting, I'd put some serious thought into spicing things up, and see if you can start with the basics, and do something fun together that provokes conversation. It's that that will keep you more connected, since physical attraction is harder to maintain over distance than when you have things you KNOW the other person likes to talk about. See if she wants to go to a carnival, the zoo, a comedy club, funny movie, and take it from there.

There's no harm in enjoying her company as long as you make sure you're on the same page here. Talk to her. Explain frankly you're not over your ex yet, but at the same time, you appreciate her company, would like to get to know her better, and think she'd be nice to spend some time with. It also gives her a chance (and maybe some relief) to say if she's in a similar position. Take the pressure off yourself, and off her - enjoying someone's company doesn't have to mean you jump straight into a relationship, as long as you both understand this, and are content to see where things go day to day. It'll also take away any guilt you're trying to replace your ex - and maybe let you appreciate things that are different about her slowly without feeling disloyal. Give yourself a break, relax, and just enjoy her as an attractive woman and person, and see how things go.

Have you tried approaching him calmly about the letters specifically, and just asking if he can keep them boxed up somewhere so he still has them, but they're not in your room? From his point of view, he may feel he's had to defend keeping ANYTHING, even pics for his son - if you sit down and calmly tell him you can understand keeping those around for him, but you'd feel much better if the letters were elsewhere, not trashed, just stored somewhere, he may be willing to compromise on that one. The trick is to keep it very low key so he doesn't feel defensive - and makes you look calm and rational rather than emotional where he can dismiss what you're saying as unreasonable and only emotion driven. Even if you have to say "honey, I don't know exactly why it bothers me, I just know it does, and I don't expect you to get rid of them... but it would make me feel better if they weren't stored in our room" Its honest and calm, and should appeal to his common sense that where they're stored doesn't matter, since you're not making an issue out of him keeping them. Give it a shot and see how he responds! And good luck!

Ok hon, you're not going to like this answer, but... They've been broken up for 5 YEARS, of which you've been with him for 2 and a half. This woman is still, and always WILL be, the boy's mom. You can't expect his son to give up his mom just because his dad is divorced. Sure, he may come to view you as another mom, but that doesn't mean he will give up the mom who shares custody of him and helped raise him. You will have to deal with her at special occasions in person, like graduations, weddings, births of grandkids. This was something that you accepted, like it or not, when you chose to get involved with someone who had a child already. It would be one thing if he was pining over the letters and cards, pictures, etc - but it doesn't seem that this is the case, and his son is entitled to keep pieces of his mom with him in the house you and this man share. Your bf has been apart from his ex for a LONG time, and it sure doesn't seem he's going back or interested in her except as what she is, his son's mother, and a part of his past. Concentrate on being his present and future instead of resenting the woman who no longer has him - do you really want to let her drive you apart by doing nothing but having existed in his former life?

Ok hon, I'm going to give it to you straight... it sounds like he's modified his behaviour to be appropriate now that he's seeing someone exclusively. Now before you get disconsolate - I agree with everyone who's said TALK TO HIM. Tell him you want to keep his friendship - and don't want things to be awkward between you - and ask if there's anything you can do to set boundaries that he'll be more at ease with, so there's no misleading or leading on appearances. I wouldn't try to push at all for anything further, it would be disrespectful of his decision to go out with his current gf - but if you want to keep his friendship, talk to him so you don't BOTH feel awkward about making the first move to talk and drift apart by default!

Maybe try getting into a routine, a healthy one, for the days (I'm imagining Sundays?) when he drops your son back off with you. Preferably something that expends energy. I know some of the changes I've made in defiance have been using colors I couldn't have because they weren't agreed on decor wise (I painted and I cook without having to keep his likes and dislikes in mind. Go for a walk with your son if it's feasible (I know sometimes the weather just doesn't allow it), throw in one of those 10 minute workout videos, but whatever you do, don't focus your anger and sadness inwards when they're peaking and drain your energy. Anger fuels energy - whether it's saving time cooking some stuff ahead of time for the week, cleaning, exercising, or moving more things around to suit your taste - use it so you can feel you're getting something positive out of it .

I know I've answered this one many times it seems to be a common misconception that most girls want the bigger the better. Speaking from experience, I'd far prefer a guy a little on the small side I won't have to worry about accomodating in any position, who knows what he's doing. Too big HURTS. That's right guys, even for experienced girls, too big hurts, especially lengthwise, because that's something you can't stretch much to make more room. There's a reason for an average - the average depth of a woman's vagina is about 3 inches, and simply stretches to accommodate more. Too much length and you may well find with a lot of girls many positions and full penetration are impossible as you come up against her cervix and she rears up, not in pleasure, but pain. And how about oral? Would you rather be of a size your girl can work her mouth around, or a size that she'll be intimidated by and have to be a professional sword swallower to work with? Sometimes what looks good in theory and in porn flicks just isn't quite so practical in real life positions. Spend more time and effort on learning ways to explore a woman's body to stimulate all her senses and make the whole sexual act exciting and pleasurable for her than worrying about your size - and unless you're REALLY midget sized - you shouldn't have any complaints in that department!

I'd advise caution - not so much because he might use you as a toy, he may well be a decent man, but because in the first flush of getting to know someone, the early romance, where the thrill of nerves and butterflies in the stomach leap every time the phone rings, it's easy to overlook how things will be on a day to day basis later on. Age gap relationships can work - but generally, they are much less an issue after both people are on the same or at least a similar level and place in life. Will you be comfortable and welcomed by his friends? Will he feel like he sticks out too much to be comfortable with yours? While you're just moving into the working and/or college world, he's working on establishing himself in his career, thinking of buying a house, starting a family - and you're still in the stage of spreading your wings and discovering much about yourself and what you want to do in the years to come. And that's as it SHOULD be, you have the right to take your time feeling your way into the adult you are turning into, and to set your own goals and gain experience as you try to reach them, or change them if as you grow, the "fit" wasn't quite right. By all means enjoy his company and get to know him better - but I'd avoid committing to anything serious for now. If your feelings and his strengthen as time goes on, and as you start catching up to him in terms of where you are in your life, then is the time to look more closely and see how you feel about getting more serious. For now, simply enjoy being 17, with everything that goes along with it - you can't turn back the clock if you feel like you've missed out on something later!

One of the main points in pressing sexual assault charges is to at least try to not only make a stand for yourself but protect future victims. And the courts have come a long way in at least attempting to encourage victims to have a voice and be willing to make a stand, which is what the rape shield laws are for - one of the reasons for so many repeat offenders are the many women who are too ashamed or afraid of what might happen, how they might be viewed, if they DO come forward. Different people are traumatized to different degrees - but just because it's WAY too common doesn't make it less of a horrible experience. I was raped many years ago - and I still carry some trust and confidence issues TODAY, not because I WANT to, but because despite talking through it and working on it, it's a vivid memory that can't ever be completely wiped clean, only accepted, lived with, and tried to be gotten over as much as possible. Watching people die in war is common - does that mean it shouldn't be traumatic???

Once again, I agree - whether it's religious, or in an office setting, think about going to some premarital counseling with your fiance. It seems he has some insecurities dealing with his family, amongst other issues both of you are dealing with now - worrying about having a baby before getting yourselves confident and comfortable with your relationship and your relationship relative to his family is very much putting the cart before the horse Think about it this way - wouldn't you like to make sure he's completely confident in you and his choice in you, and you are confident in the strength of not only his love, but his decisions, before you start raising a new baby together? Work on your foundation a bit, and when it's healthy, strong, and growing, then you can bring the possibility of a new child into the relationship knowing the kind of family you're bringing that new baby into, and being confident in his love and support throughout. Take care of yourselves and best wishes, keep us posted!

I agree with avman here... He knew you had a tubal, and his family is having a lot of control and influence over his decision it seems. You shouldn't have to have his child before getting married to satisfy his family that you two should be married. Your race and the fact you have had a tubal didn't spring into being overnight - they've BEEN there, and it's something his family has to deal with, or be told this is HIS choice, you're the woman he wants to marry period. He's young, but he needs to be able to make a stand on this, or I fear this will slowly eat away at both of your confidence throughout your relationship. They might not accept you even if you DO have his baby - can he accept and live with that, and fly in the face of their disapproval for you? If he can't, or if it's going to be in the middle of your relationship, that could create issues all on it's own. Be careful you're having his child when YOU'RE ready to go through this procedure, and for all the RIGHT reasons, because you want a family with him, not because it's a prerequisite to HAVING him.

link removed here ya go, think that's more what you're looking for!

How about this... the people getting that experience would probably be only TOO glad to share that particular "gift" around to anyone who's short of it. Be glad? Kiss my... ear.

I have to agree, he needs to know first - you confront her, and she's likely to wonder first how YOU got the information, and then you have to trust her judgement about what to do about it and not go ballistic. Do you really think she's going to do the right thing here? And somewhere there's a guy out there who has a child he may not even KNOW about. Tell your boyfriend, not as his gf, but as a friend, calmly, what you've heard and offer support while he figures out how to deal with it, because this isn't going to be easy for him, or for the child, to who he is the only dad he's ever known. In this case, making sure the child is protected by setting the stage for getting things sorted as calmly as possible between your bf and his wife, and possible the biological father; that has to come before the complications of your relationship.

Do the two of you have other interests you pursue together? If not, pick something together, and make time once a week or so to do that to give you something to share. It's healthy to share some interests - but also to pursue others independently, so also make sure you do have some of your own that don't necessarily involve him. Sounds like more a combination of the way you've been hurt before, and now looking for indications of similar things to be able to defend yourself before getting hit, so to speak. I don't know how long it's been, but it takes a LONG time to get past reflexive reactions that develop as a defense to getting hurt. No, they're not. They shouldn't be. Many are, but the give and take shouldn't have to be a power play all the time, just giving and knowing you can expect what you give to be returned. Be careful not to fall into the trap of making sure equal rights in a relationship don't have to mean always exercising them in exactly the same way - for you, it could be going to a dancing class with a friend where you'd be partnered up with different guys, it's having the same freedom without always feeling the need to prove it that's important. Just having the choice is the big thing, so you can use it when you want to, not feel you HAVE to to prove a point.