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About Me

  1. Just an update... I'm finally starting to feel that relief I so desperately wanted to feel, that I left a marriage that was hurting me and that I did the right thing for myself and my future. I don't feel it all the time, but it comes to me in waves and I know I don't feel as despaired as I did a few weeks ago. I'm back at work, I don't feel guilty about leaving, there are good things. I'm trying not to feel mad at myself or guilty about staying so long and putting up with things... it's a hard thing to cope with. I let someone mistreat me for so long... I've started talking to my therapi
  2. I've been trying to block out the range of emotions I have been feeling over the past couple days, but I finally realize that just typing this out may be therapeutic in a way. I apologize for the length, there is a lot of information here. Anyways, on to the information: My wife and I are highschool sweethearts. We've been together since 2002 and we've never been with anyone else. My wife had a rough childhood. Her parents separated when she was 4-5 years old and she lived with her mother who had a lot of emotional issues, and was very much mentally abusive to her. She coped with the abus
  3. I’ve been with my bf for 8 yrs. About 3-4 yrs into the relationship he said he couldn’t be with someone who was sexually assaulted. He made how he feels clear and was upfront about his experience with molestation as a child by males and females. I was raped but never told him or anyone just kept it a secret, it happened in the later part of my teenage yrs. Recently I’ve been dealing with depression (change in jobs and moving) I saw the guy who raped me on Facebook and it triggered old feelings about the situation. My boyfriend was helping me through the depressed episode by coming to stay with
  4. This happened to me years ago but feeling inspired to share due to the other posts asking the same question. Went on a first date with a guy. Realized soon into the date I was not into him. He was extremely persistent about us continuing the night and going to his place and I said no repeatedly. He finally insisted on at least driving me to my car which was parked a few blocks away. I said ok. When we got to my car, he got handsy with me and I remember he locked the car doors. It was a lot of struggle and me saying no but somehow with him in the driver seat and me in the passenger seat, he
  5. I was out having drinks with some friends when this guy and I started chatting. My friends were ready to call it a night and asked if I'd be okay. I said I was fine and stayed. This guy and I ended up grabbing something to eat and hitting another spot to drink. Now this is where I don't even remember taking another drink, I don't remember much at all. I don't remember going back to his place and I don't remember getting undressed. I have a flashback of him on top of me and kind of trying to push him away because I was a virgin and it hurt. Then I just remember looking away. When I woke up nake
  6. Hey everyone. I'm having an issue right now with my best friend. We're both in our mid 20's and have been best friends since we were 14. She recently met this 31 yr old guy at her job, he doesn't work there but he's friends with another employee and comes in daily to hang around his friend and my best friend. They've known eachother for a little over a month. From what I've heard from her and the texts I've read between them, he is VERY verbally abusive towards her and basically any woman he's ever been involved with. He will call her and other girls wh*res, b*tches, a ret*rd, etc.... very deg
  7. I've been writing about my life, and it's made me revisit the past. Injustices. Emotionally abusive relationships. Rape even. Parental neglect. Narcissistic parent. And suddenly, I've become so internally anger. Yes I know to visit a therapist- I will. Yes I also know anger can be a positive thing, it means one step towards healing. And yes I know anger is probably repressed hurt. What I dont know how to do is cope with it. I live with someone and can't comfortably punch my pillow in private. I'm already writing about it. It's just all consuming. I wasn't ready for this. Have you ever ha
  8. Well not really a change in career per se I would still work in legal, but change from civil defense to criminal defense full time. For the past few months, I have been helping a solo criminal attorney set up his practice on a part time basis after work and on some Saturday's. I have been helping him market his business (advertiseing), set up his office and interviewing potential clients. He won't represent clients he knows are guilty, only the ones he senses are innocent. Although realizes some could still be guilty. This includes those charged with drug dealing, robberies, assa
  9. My little sister who is 21 years old was raped while living in residence at a university at the other side of the country in the summer of 2015. This rape was committed by a young man who was also studying at the university and he came into her dorm room after a night of all the students partying and celebrating and raped her. She was drunk and in her own bed. She was a virgin and woke up with immense pain but was so ashamed that she has never reported it. As her older (23) sister and protector I've tried everything to try and help her.. she has been experiencing panic attacks and anxi
  10. Hey everybody, greetings from Arkansas... I am posting this because my imagination will not let me rest, although it has been two months since we broke it off and things are getting easier. I am a 32 year old man who was in a brief 3 month relationship with a girl who was 21/22. We moved really quickly, slept together twice the first night and every time we were together. I would say the break up was completely my fault, I was being inattentive, smoking weed and not putting my full energy into keeping this girl interested. I was taking her for granted although I never intentionally did
  11. I am looking for some advice and feedback from others. I have been in an on/off relationship for 5 yrs. We share a 1yr old daughter & had planned to move into together however, we have been hitting some major roadblocks. I was happy & content with his space my space but was willing to entertain a full live together relationship as of this past year. The thing is the last 4/5 months he is really different & it has been making me distance. Whenever, we have aa fight he says things that cut deep & I have had a hard time trying to get past it. Example…this last fight we had was b
  12. About 2 months ago my husband left me. Are marriage was a very bad marriage, We have been together since I was 16 years old he was my high school sweat heart, and my first and only. We have been married for 6 years and together 12 years. In the past several years he was diagnosed with bipolar and been on and off again with his meds. We had a lot of very good times but some severely bad times. He was severely mentally and emotional abusive. He had hit me several times and raped me back in January. Even after he left we have fought a lot about the custody of are 5 year old child. Now things a
  13. Very long... sorry, just need to put it into words. So, I'm back. 5 months on from creating a post about my girlfriend finding another guy within a week of breaking up, people warning me if she did that she was probably a cheat anyway; some people saying it was none of my business and I shouldn't care. Well, we got back together after a week and continued on. That brings me to the point of this post. After months of "trying" to make it work, me being manipulated into thinking i had insecurity issues, her telling me to seek therapy as i questioned things such as when she stopped haveing s
  14. Hi, so, my girlfriend was raped last year. She's been to counselling and therapy, and they've done some sessions with her, and they said the next step is for her to actually have sex with a man again in order to get over the mental block she still has in place lingering from the rape. We need to build up to that of course, because at this point, she can't even touch herself anymore, or let me touch her. And I can't fully help her, because I'm a girl, and she needs to have sex with a man, because it was a man who raped her. She's terrified to do it though, and since she feels safe with me, I to
  15. I'm a sophmore in college, and pretty shy. I joined a sorority and adopted a party girl attitude because drinking gave me confidence. never drank before college, so i have found myself in some terribly dangerous situations. I really need some advice though... for the past two years i have been blowing off the seven cases of "rape" where I was so drunk I was either immobile, puking, and most definitely blacked out. Each story is very similar... end up blacked out, wake up in the guys bed or am told we had sex. All these guys are people I wouldn't have sex with sober, and its terrifying to
  16. I honestly don't understand how people can ever argue this was consensual or that it's a he said/she said situation. I honestly don't understand how someone gets sentenced 3 months in jail for rape.
  17. I went to the club with my friends last night. We were pre gaming so I was already a bit tipsy by the time I got there. Saw this guy from campus who I always thought was cute and he asked if I wanted a drink. I said yes. Please don t judge but I took a quarter of xanax while drunk. Bad idea so I blacked out. My friends didn t stop me from going home with him but I guess I did. I literally don t remember anything. I remember I was in his bed (no idea how I got there) and he was trying to wake me up but I started throwing up on him. By that point I remember saying "I m sorry. Should I leave ? I
  18. So I posted recently about being blacked out and drunk and possibly assaulted. I decided to retrace my steps because I'm the type of person who just hast to find out things on her own. I called the bank to see when I paid for my taxi and what their company name was just as I thought at 1:27 am I was dropped off witch means my assumption of leaving the bar at one am is correct . But the fishy part is when I tried to call the taxi company (DC LEE TAXI ) just to make sure my drop off and pick up location were correct , it was in a completely different state ! Michigan to be exact the dispa
  19. I was married to my x for 6 years together 12. He left in July for another woman, honestly she saved my life. About 4 years ago he had an affair with a 17 year old girl. I stayed through it all. He had always had a tempor. But about 2 years ago he would throw things break stuff. Choked me several times, slapped me once and raped me. That's not counting his mental abuse. He would always blame me for it. I should have not got into his face. I should have not followed him during arguments. His food had to be served on a plate along with his drink. Or I didn't love him and would be made to fill
  20. I'd like to start by saying that there is no sob story here. I wasn't raped or abused as a kid. I have a job i don't loathe. I have a car, I'm not addicted to anything. My parents are mostly supportive and loving. I haven't had some girlfriend leave me in a traumatic way. My life is far from perfect but it's a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people's lives. Some people have had all that happen and still live their life every day with a get up and go attitude. I just cant be bothered. Life is simply a bad deal. It's not worth waking up to. If i could push a button and remove myself
  21. Hey Guys!!! I was just watching this episode of dateline and.....well, it was about this rape that occurred. I just want to say THANK YOU GUYS SO VERY MUCH!!! I've just thought of the things I've been through and there has always been someone from this community to love and support me. And it means the world. Rape is always complicated, never clear or easy, and always hard to discuss. Whenever I've needed to vent, or cry, or scream, or comtimplated a new way of thinking, enotalone has been here for me. I mean, this is the best resource ever! Thank you guys! You've a
  22. I went to therapy tonight. It was okay. I really needed it. I feel better. I'm going to work on getting out of my parents house by summer. I love my parents, but they make a lot of flipant remarks. My mother is judgemental and my father, well, he doesn't get the notion of "I need some space". Anywho, I have to look out for myself. I want to get better too, and I need to get out of this house to do so. I just feel......I don't know. Part of me feels glad that I'll have something to work towards. And part of me feels so sad. Sad that I can't rely on my parents when I need them
  23. link removed I really hope posting this doesn't cause a firestorm. I'm also assuming it's not against the rules, but if it is, sorry Mods. As someone who has always taken an interest in gender roles in our society and gender based crimes, I thought this was worth sharing. It was an interesting read.
  24. I have been with my husband for 9 years now. I am so torn. Throughout the years I have found him researching 'is it gay to suck your own johnson'. I have found a profile he had (dating one) that he had checked looking for MEN & women . He likes pegging. also I have found him looking at rape porn. These are all red flags to me, I may be over reacting, I'm not sure but I feel that he is attracted to men(my gut feeling says he has cheated on me with a guy(s)). It sickens me. He will never admit to any of it it he did. Part of me wants to up and leave because I feel like this marriage is not
  25. Hello All, I apologize if this is a bit of a read but I feel that this is a complicated situation. My husband and I have been together for about six years, and have been married for about a year and a half. He is 28 years old, disabled Air Force Veteran. I am a 27 year old straight female. My husband was sexually abused and repeatedly raped by one of his uncles from the age of 6 all the way up until 9 years old until his mother (his uncle's sister) finally found out and moved them several states away from the uncle and my husband "locked away" those memories. Years went by and my husband en
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