The Morrigan

This part wasn't really clear to me - did he actually encourage and get together with this girl, or was this more like she decided she liked him, wanted a chance with him, and appeared? I agree with most of what Mar said. Thing is, in any relationship, whether it's with friends, at work, or at school, there generally WILL be someone of the opposite sex who will be attracted to your significant other. And most people have friends of both sexes. You have to decide if he's worth trusting to handle it himself - and follow through on that trust. If he thinks there's gonna be trouble if he mentions another girl in even a friendly or casual sense - he's gonna lie about it, or at least omit saying anything about it. Nobody wants to be cross-examined as if they're not capable of deciding for themselves when and how they can make and talk to friends. And if he's knows you don't trust him, he probably doesn't trust your reaction if he's open about who he's talking to and when. If you're think you'd prefer to know at least in general what's up, you have to be prepared to get a firm grip on the jealousy and shove it off to the side, and listen to him mentioning casually "I'm gonna call Janice back about that CD" or whatever. And make sure the point gets accross you're not gonna make judgements about it, that he doesn't HAVE to hide anything to avoid it becoming an issue. I can see it would be no little upsetting to have some chick appear in the area to get together with your guy - but from the sounds of it, she stopped talking to him for a reason - did he make it clear he was already involved with you? You say he has a lot of girls as friends - maybe he inadvertently led her on a bit trying not to hurt her feelings, or didn't read the signs well as far as her understanding of his intentions? It can happen - you're "nice" and nothing else, and it gets read as interest, especially if it's the same way you are with your other friends, it's like "huh???" It sounds like before you guys think about jumping in again, you need to do some serious soul searching, and TALK. In a calm and non-judgemental manner, no accusations, more like "when you do this, this is the way I find myself reacting and it's hurting us both," and see if you can come up with some solutions to break the cycle you've gotten into. You gotta figure out why you're reacting the way you do before you can fix anything, same goes for him.

If you know someone who is old enough to get a hotel room - save up and ask them, even if it's an older sib of one of your friends. I'm assuming neither your parents nor hers would be exactly thrilled to discover, even at a later date, that their kids were having sex in their home - even if you can get the chance, it's one of those things that just gives you one more thing to worry about, and you don't want a nerve wracking experience here or something to guilt trip about. It's kinda hard to relax if you're waiting for someone to walk in, or Mr Officer Sir to ask what you're doing as he knocks on the car window!

A kinda weird thing that helped me doin' speeches and stuff, which I really hated was (and this might sound really strange lolok) I volunteered to go first instead of waiting with my hands shaking to hear my name, and kinda acted like I was acting a role in a play, like playing a part, so like, I wasn't ME for those few mins... I was this confident person who was gonna show everyone else it wasn't that bad, and weird or not, it worked, and after the 1st time it worked it was a LOT easier!

Well, what I meant was there doesn't ACTUALLY have to be a neighbor checking up on you for you to imply there is... Would your gf be swayed by you telling her you don't want to end up not being allowed to see her when your parents find out? Helper is right, even though we don't tend to think of our parents as kids in another lifetime, most of the stuff we try, they've tried and gotten caught, and no matter how careful you try to be, you just can't hide that 40 people have been in the house! With that large a group, it's a foregone conclusion, they WILL find out, and it's your rear in the hotseat when they do. Pull your friend aside and try to tell him the situation he's putting you in, hell, if he's a good friend tell him he's setting you up to get murdered when your parents get back. Point out to him (I dunno if you considered this) that with 40 people coming and going - there is NO WAY you can keep track of everyone, SOMEONE will probably manage to slip in alcohol or drugs - not only could YOU end up in serious trouble with the police since it's at your house, your parents could get sued if anyone gets hurt, or even if they find out their kid was drinking there, simply because they're minors and it's their house. If you're trying to figure out a way to have this party without reprecussions, I'm sorry, I don't see any, the risks are tremendous, and I don't see ANY way to keep this from your parents - from what you're detailing now, getting grounded would be a BEST case scenario. Worst case would be your parents getting a call to come home and cut their vacation short to bail your butt out of jail and await hordes of pissed off parents calling and maybe suing - how do you think THAT would go over?

Even if you have to lock your door and turn people away with an explanation "my friend kinda got caught up in his enthusiasm and didn't stop to think it's my butt on the line, sorry dude," don't do it. You're the one who would have to live with losing your parent's trust, not anyone else. Which means, rest assured, the one night of popularity would come with one HELL of a high price tag - with you being the one paying it, not them. Talk to your gf, see if you can get her on your side so to speak, after all, you'd not be seeing much of her when your parents found out! So she'd be gaining the "benefits" of this situation as well, after the fact. Best case - it would go quietly and smoothly, you'd be left with one HELL of a cleanup, and sooner or later, no doubt, your parents would find out through a chance comment of a neighbor or friend. And believe me, as a teen I only had a couple people over when I wasn't supposed to, and mine were pissed about THAT. Worst case - you've got a bunch of kids coming and going, and even if it's not drinking or fighting, the number of kids and the noise level that tends to go with it gets noticed by the neighbors. Either they come a'banging on the door, or they call the cops. Either way, I'm pretty sure your parents would not react by being thrilled with you If you CAN nip it in the bud, do it. Hell, take the easy way out and say something like "look man, there's no way we can do this, my neighbor has been checking up on me at night for my parents, I want to live to see my next birthday you know! And my parents would f-ing KILL me!" As a parent I can tell you, we don't mind at all taking the fall for being the "bad guy" when it comes to getting you out of a situation more easily! Even if he presses, stay firm, yeah, he'll probably be disappointed, and you'll probably get a bit of crap for it from some of the guys at school, but keep in mind - they're sure not offering to take the risk to get their butts fried. Especially with a good few teenage year left, the last thing you want to do is give your parents reason to think they have to stay on top of you more cause they can't trust you out of their sight. Somehow I don't think he'd be so enthused if it was his butt on the line!