The Morrigan

Hmm, if he's still trying to get with you, doesn't sound like he's as much not interested as disorganized - most guys who aren't interested plain don't call, much less try to make plans. Maybe see if he can make plans for a weeknight, for a short dinner or something where things are less likely to interfere?

link removed there's a height/weight chart on there for ideal body weights, and 115 is WELL within the range. It's hard to keep in mind, but anorexia and bulemia don't just affect your body, but give you a distorted perception of yourself; what other people will see as ideal or thin, you're still going to see as "too big." You're not stupid, and it's not a conscious decision on your part, not after you're already in the middle of it. You'd be surprised just HOW common it is to find other people who have similar issues - while anorexia in itself is something like a 1% risk - bulimia is more like 10-20% - so if you see 10 girls at school, one or two of them either have had to deal with it, or will, during their teenage years. All I'm saying by that, is while the situations are all unique - it by no means makes you a freak, or means you should be ashamed of yourself. Would you be ashamed of having diabetes, or the flu? You don't need to be ashamed of this either, and anyone who would ty to make you feel like you should is just being ignorant, or running scared to avoid dealing with it. Seriously, you're taking a big step already coming here for help - don't stop here, reach out til you find someone who can really help and who will understand what you're dealing with, you deserve to feel good about yourself, so don't give up on you.

I'm not sure what the allure of a prostitute is... and everyone has some valid points - not to mention, even if you avoid STDs, there are a world of normal diseases out there that are transmitted by casual contact, and I seriously doubt they take sick days - is the risk really worth it? If you have any alternatives open - I'd reconsider. If you're still determined to go through with it, check some information websites first and at the LEAST be as safe as humanly possible.

I don't think anyone is saying it's supposed to be easy. However, they're saying bluntly, in a nutshell, misery is NOT attractive, not to your ex, and not to any potential friends or other girls in your life. You love her, and you miss her, and that won't change overnight. That doesn't mean holding on to it and letting it strangle you is going to get you anywhere. If only to make the days a little tiny bit easier to get through, you've got to take some action to avoid dwelling on it any more than you have to - and that means distraction, and LOTS of it. Get out of the house, get involved in exercising, start a project, go out with friends, but make sure you have SOMETHING besides being miserable to occupy your thoughts. Whether you're determined to try and make an impression on your ex, or ready to work towards getting over her, being a miserable wreck won't accomplish either one. Either way, the important thing is to make a start on yourself, before being miserably depressed becomes a place that's even harder to crawl out of than it already is, so try to be good to yourself and make a start somewhere.

link removed If you don't want to, or don't feel comfortable talking to anyone close to you, try something like this online support group/board/community - at the least, it'll give you a group of people you can freely talk to who will understand exactly where you're coming from, and how difficult it is to control or change something when you really don't want to change it. I'm sure there's others, that one seemed to be one of the more comprehensive, and better set up ones though. You already know it can be a problem, but I'm figuring right now the perceived benefit is just outweighing any of the side effects to you, and it's more the stigma and embarrassment that's making you uncomfortable. Until you can really talk to someone openly, it'll be hard to deal with any other aspects of it, so at least take the first step and go somewhere with plenty of information, and also where you won't feel like you're being judged or found lacking. I hope from there you'll find you'd rather tackle the problem of it being a disorder, and wish you luck, it won't be easy, but with courage and support, you'll get there. Best of luck to you!

I think some things, like personal letters, journals, diaries, notes should be private unless there's a truly OVERRIDING reason to violate it. It's one thing if you have real reason to suspect your child is getting into something dangerous, or doing something detrimental to their health, but another to allow absolutely no sense of privacy in their personal life. There's monitoring, and then there's overkill. That's just my opinion at least

Well, part of the problem is some people are more comfortable than others with less space, and they have a hard time understanding where people that REALLY need their space are coming from (I'm one of those that needs my space BADLY). However, some things should be private - period. What you write to someone else is and should be nobody else's business. That's also a matter of simple respect and trust. Unless you've REALLY done something to destroy that trust, nobody should be checking on you to the extent you feel like someone's watching your every move. My mom read my diary once when she thought I might be drinking (I wasn't) and she'd never even bothered to ASK me about it; I was absolutely enraged and incredibly hurt when I found out what she'd done. The problem as I see it is that getting TOO invasive actually accomplishes the opposite of being able to check up on someone - because they'll just get more and more introverted, and less trusting of motives since it's being made apparent the trust isn't being given. You have to trust someone to receive it in return, and going through someone's private matters is not a sign of trust, lol. Is it mainly personal stuff that's being gone through, or is it also space per se, like needing time AWAY from people and that not being understood or respected?

Like with anything more unconventional - read up on it if it's something you really want to try. If it's something that's a real turn off for you though, don't let anyone force you into it. From a sex tips website: "Tip #1: Play Safe There are some serious safety issues regarding anal sex that you need to be aware of at all times. First and foremost, whatever touches the anus shouldn't be touching anything else. Never never never take the penis out of the anus and put it into the vagina. That can lead to serious infections and other complications. After any kind of anal play, you should immediately change condoms and wash the relevant body parts thoroughly. Of course, STDs are also a major concern with anal sex. This isn't just limited to AIDS; herpes, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc. can all be transmitted through anal sex. You shouldn't be having anal sex without a condom; it's not worth the risk to either partner. Tip #2: Lube, lube, lube One of the most important thing to remember when thinking about anal sex is that, unlike the vagina, the anus isn't self-lubricating: you gotta bring your own grease. And, the more lube you use, the better. It will make the initial penetration much more easy and less painful for the woman and make the whole experience, for both of you, much more pleasant. The most common suggestion we get from our readers is to use LOTS of lube; we just can't emphasize this point enough. All kinds of lube are used for anal sex, from spit to Vaseline to high-tech silicone-based lubes. We'd strongly recommend spending a little money to get a high quality water-based lubricant; remember, an oil-based lubricant like Vaseline will degrade the latex in a condom, destroying its usefulness. We'd recommend products like AstroGlide or KY Jelly, available in any drug store. Note, though a condom may be "lubricated", they typically don't offer as much lube as we'd recommend for anal sex. There are some specialty lubes designed for anal sex that include an anesthetic to numb the woman's sensation and make anal sex less painful. We'd advise against these products. The simple fact is, pain is a way of your body telling you that something's wrong. If you're in pain during anal sex, you need to focus on solving the root problems, not anesthetizing yourself so it's easier to endure. Tip #3: Start Small Simply put, a penis is an awful big to be the first thing you stick up someone's butt . Better to start with something smaller and work your way up. Fingers are an excellent beginning point. Use one finger, then two, to initiate your partner into the mysteries of anal penetration. Try it while performing oral sex for an extra thrill. Be sure your fingernails are trimmed, not to forget the lube, and you might even want to wear latex gloves. As your partner gets used to your fingers, you might graduate to a butt plug or a small dildo. Dildos are available in all shapes and sizes. Go shopping together to get one she thinks she can handle. Remember, though, don't put the dildo into the vagina after putting it into the anus. The safest way is to put a condom on the dildo before using it, and to wash it thoroughly immediately after. Tip #4: Turnabout is Fair Play Whether you're trying to convince someone to have anal sex or trying to figure out how to do it in a gentle, pain free manner, there's no better preparation that exploring anal play with yourself. A partner is much more likely to consent to anal sex if she's seen that you're open to being on the receiving end as well. Encourage her to use her fingers inside of you, or even purchase a butt plug or small dildo and let her use that. Once she's seen you're willing to do it, it'll be hard for her to resist exploring it as well. Of course, anal play on yourself is a great way to learn how anal sex feels and to learn how to make it more comfortable for your partner. You might also be surprised just how much you like it... Tip #5: Clear the Way Before having anal sex, the woman should have a good, complete bowel movement. If she doesn't, the man may find himself encountering far more fecal matter than he might have liked (i.e. packing the fudge). Now, for some people doing this on-command might not be the easiest thing, and straining to defecate is not healthy. A high fiber diet may help things along and is good for your health in any case. Of course, if you really want to clean things out in a hurry, you can purchase an enema from any drug store. There's some controversy about this; some people feel having an enema first can actually increase the irritation during anal sex. If you're going to go the enema route, we'd recommend doing it several hours before you plan to have anal sex, rather than right before the act. "

If your friend is a real friend, he'll be a man about this and tell your ex HIMSELF. Even if he didn't like you being with the guy, that's a bit beyond disapproving, that's interference, and he should apologize to both you and your ex for causing trouble. His phone bills, not your exes, will show the number ONLY if it's long distance or you're from a state where the area code is required for local calls. Otherwise, you're out of luck I think, I don't think they'll do more than give you a timeline and "private number", and since there's no illegal activity or investigation associated, it would cost - you can double check with the phone company on that. I think to get the actual number you'd have to get a court order. If he won't tell your ex, should you? Maybe, if it would at least give you some satisfaction to be able to vindicate yourself on this count at least. If it wasn't going to change his mind, would you still want him to know? If so, tell him as calmy as possible that you were upset with his accusations and found out later how the misunderstanding happened, tell him, and leave anything else up to him. I'd still say the optimal thing would be for your friend to give both your ex and you an apology - he's owe you that much!

Just talk to him, tell him you enjoy his company, but you're not looking to get into a "relationship" with him, just someone to have fun doing things with, some new people to meet etc. Chances are if his wife died and he's just getting out himself, he's looking for something similar, or at least will be more than willing to accept it. As long as you're upfront about it, there's no harm in going places with him as a friend/companion and you're not leading him on.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like while she enjoys the immediate "kiss and make up" phase with both of you, where things are usually the best, she's really not ready/mature enough to work on a steady relationship, dealing with the NORMAL personality differences in a mature manner, and keeping a stable rapport with either of you. Come on now, BOTH of you can't magically develop faults in a few months back and forth. So reasonably, at least a good portion of the problem lies with the way she's viewing your relationship, and NOT with you. I don't think it would matter how perfect you were, heck, that might be a reason, being too perfect, she just doesn't seem ready to settle and be happy with one person long term. If you're looking for someone who can meet you on even ground and work on a real relationship, I'd look elsewhere, sorry if that's discouraging, but it just doesn't seem like something she's capable of giving you right now.

If you're that interested in exploring, maybe you should be dating around, and not in a relationship where you have to commit at all... I agree with Ash, you're lucky she took you back, though if you wanna explore, why did you want to get her back?

Just what I was gonna say, lol. This is between the two of you, and how you feel, about each other and if you see any problems you're not willing to face, not about what anyone else might think. He's an adult, and if he has the right to decide if he thinks you are who he wants to be with, and you have that same right. It does seem more widely accepted for older men/younger women, so of course there are going to be people who will judge you for it, but there's at least some complications that come with any relationship. Ask your friend who disapproves if it's on principle, or if she has concerns she doesn't think you're considering, if the first is the case, she's being very narrow minded, if the second, you can hear her out and maybe lay her concerns to rest. Ultimately, sometimes you have to be a little selfish and do what's best for you, not what others will approve of. Don't let a good chance pass by for fear of other's disapproval, it's only the two of you that have to walk in your shoes, not them.

You, or your friend, are going to have to tell someone... it's not just this incident or her at stake, if he did it to her, he WILL do it to someone else, almost guaranteed. If she's scared, offer to go with her to tell someone you both trust, a priest, counselor, someone who will be able to reassure her she did nothing to welcome this, and there's nothing wrong with reporting it. But it really does have to be reported so he can be dealt with, before more girls end up in her position, and before his behavior escalates to more than touching.

Hands, composure, attitude really, cause none of the guys who have sparked my interest have had much in common physically except a really strong click personality wise, has to have a strong personality and be individual, and able to give the impression of not being a pushover! Good hygiene and grooming are a must, though that doesn't mean dressing classy, jeans and tshirt are fine, just obviously cares about general cleanliness and such, teeth, breath, hair gotta be clean! Muscles - eh, don't like the bulky overmuscled type, just as long as he cares about his appearance but isn't obssessed with it is cool.

Sounds like they need to sit down and talk - if they're bothered by each other's actions, even if they aren't ready for a long term committment yet because of her circumstances, that doesn't eliminate the art of compromise - to at least agree they won't see others while dating each other - this is a recipe for insecurity, especially with him travelling a lot. And it doesn't sound like either of them are casual enough and uninvolved emotionally where seeing or knowing the other may be seeing others isn't going to be a problem. I think some people tend to forget an exclusive relationship does not necessarily have to mean with the expectation of the picket fence, house, kids, and dog - but just respect for the investment of the emotion in the relationship, even when it's not certain where it's going. But they HAVE to talk to each other, because no doubt they both think the other "doesn't care" what they do, obviously not the case.

Hey, if you're gonna worry too much about things people can find to tease you about your guys, you'll really limit yourself (you'd be amazed at what people can find to tease you about!), and really, I don't think this is that big a deal. I dated a guy the grade under me, and didn't hear that much about it. I got a lot more grief cause one of my guy friends was over a foot taller than me! You like him, go for it! They tease you can always say you weren't gonna wait and watch some younger chick snag him and his green eyes first

Well, a lot depends on how strongly you feel, and his reasoning. If he's had any experience with cancer in either family or friends, smoking could honestly scare him for both you and him, and it's certainly something that's beneficial for you to give up. Does it relate to his passion for running as well? And is this something you're interested in trying, not just for him, but for yourself? If it's something you'd like to try anyway, you lose nothing, but if sharing his passion is something he requires, that could be something to look out for, you don't want him to dictate your interests for you. If he's perfectly open to you having separate as well as mutual interests, it's definitely worth a shot, but gently remind him he shouldn't expect you to be able to keep pace with him to start, and quitting smoking is NOT easy, his encouragement would be a big plus.

It sounds like you need to listen to what you're telling yourself - hey, if what you're trying isn't working, why keep trying it? As long as she knows you'll weaken and call her, she has no reason to go out of her way to get in touch with you, and she can't see what she's missing that's good if the impression she gets is all you want to talk about is what's wrong and how can it be fixed. Persisting with something that's obviously not bringing her closer isn't going to help here; and right now, face it, she doesn't have to try to find out what you're doing, she knows, because you're calling her to see how she is and what she's doing. Requires no effort on her part, so there's no incentive there. For her to want to try, to miss you, to wonder what you're doing and wonder if she'd rather be doing it with you, you've got to be a bit less available. Get out of the house yourself, make yourself seem to be getting along, having fun yourself, don't exactly avoid her, but don't be the one sitting around waiting either. You're going to get more and more miserable, and misery is not going to attract her back to the relationship. You want her sympathy and pity, or you want her to want you and want to be with you? Think about what you'd find attractive in a roomful of girls - is it the one looking grim in the corner, or the vivacious outgoing one who looks like a fun person to be with? And at the least, you'll have a bit of distraction being around people instead of time dragging by, you'll still miss her, but at least you'll be less free to dwell on it, and the change in attitude will show through.

Yep - ask her. While you're waiting for more positive signs, and not so incidentally tormenting yourself wondering, you're leaving the door wide open for some other dude to come along and ask her to start hanging out, see a movie, study, etc. And you STILL won't know what her answer would've been, so you'll get to kick yourself for not asking when the opportunity was there. No matter what her answer - at least you'll know, instead of always wondering if you had a shot and lost it without trying.

Sounds to me like he wants to have fun, and yet retain the "security blanket" of someone who cares about his day and what he's doing without any committment on his part. I mean, you've told him flat out contact hurts you, yet he persists. This is not even the actions of a friend, this is incredibly selfish! And yes, I would tell him that, and then if he can't control himself, block his number, block his email addy, whatever you have to. Tell him if he needs any more of his things, to have a friend of his (preferably a mutual friend) contact you about a pickup time, and have the friend do the picking up, not him. It isn't like he doesn't know where you are, if he really has second thoughts and wants to come back, he'll find you. He isn't going to miss you much if he's constantly getting what he wants, which is knowing you're still there to listen at the least, and if he's getting reassurance from that, that too. You're not being unreasonable or selfish drawing a line he can't overstep that's what you need to heal, and he's being a selfish brat continually crossing it. Do what you need to do to get YOUR life running smoother without him, let him worry about himself for a change, whether he comes back with a new perspective, or isn't ready to appreciate you and doesn't, you win the war either way. Stay strong, follow through on your needs, and for goodness sake, don't feel guilty!!!

I want the answers to these as well!!! The only one I can maybe answer is #4 - cause guys can say stuff like this if they want to look "tough" and "cool" especially in front of other guys, or a girl they don't think likes 'em.

I'd write it down, even though it may well be something you don't want to send, just get it all down where you can see it, whether it's in words like a journal, written like a poem or a song, or via art. It sounds like it's staying in your head where it's just going to keep eating away at you, which isn't going to help you move on. Have you tried physical activity when it gets bad? Sometimes taking it out by hard physical exercise helps, lol, as well as being constructive. And find something that really requires focus and concentration to put some of that energy into. The more time your mind has free to wander, the more it will.

It looks like you already see what you need to do, and just need that final push to do it - yes, you need to get out while you still have some sense of self left. He threatens to kill himself? Been there - DO NOT FALL FOR IT. Even if he does, that's HIS choice, just like it's been his choice to treat you so badly you need to get away from him. Nobody, and I mean nobody, deserves that kind of verbal abuse. And yes, it IS abuse. He threatens to make your life miserable? Honey, that's what restraining orders are for - use them. He has no right to make you miserable, either with OR without him. And if he won't take you seriously, be prepared to call the police, keep records, and get that order, and let the police handle him, you don't have to handle him alone and shouldn't have to. If you feel your resolve wavering, go to or call a support group for abused women, they'll tell you just how bad it can get, and show you just what you could end up living with down the line if you allow his behavior to continue. And I'm sure they'd have plenty of information on what you can do if he tries to threaten you, and they've been there, they know what it's like to stand firm in the face of suicide threats, tears, and promises to change if you'll just give him another chance. Keep reminding yourself - is this where you want to be 10 years from now? Because the longer you tolerate it, the easier it becomes to justify it, and the harder it is to leave.

First, you're absolutely right not to have children unless you're happy together, if there's already problems, it'll probably intensify them, not fix them. Are you in a rut or a "comfortable routine" that doesn't vary much from day to day? Do you have interests, friendships, hobbies you pursue apart from each other? Sometimes it seems it's as much getting into a fixed routine that doesn't vary much that tends to come with marriage or long term relationships, because you get a bit too much of the "things should be done together" thing going. If you've tried other stuff already, see if going to a counselor gives you any insight, sometimes the hardest place to see what's going on IS from the middle of it, and an outside perspective can help. Good luck!