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  1. Hi guys, I am a 31 M that is recently broken up with a 27 F after a 2 year relationship. It started off amazingly as all things do and we did so much together. We were different in our interests but similar in our desires to settle down and build a life for each other after a few months. We saved money to build our future and constantly talk about kids etc After a year and a bit things took a dip. We argued a bit. Her saying I was controlling and her showing an aggressive streak. Two trips away were almost ruined and I could not recognise the person before me. 6 months ago she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. She had increased her studies and a lot of stress built up. She had a lot of low days where I stood by here and held her as she cried. She began counselling and was put on anti depressants. She queried people I became friends with at work from the opposite sex in my new job and became jealous. She had been horrible to me at stages but I loved her so much I blamed the depression. Her aggressiveness increased with name calling over the last few months. Then she would shower me with affection. I thought to leave months ago but I wanted to stand by her. I even mentioned to her mother should I leave and give her time. Anyway we went out. We planned to move in together and were actively looking for an apartment. We rented separately and it was awkward seeing each other at times. We needed out own space and planned to purchase a house in the next year or so. Aftee a wonderful trip 1 month ago where we created such amazing memories and got on so well the issues recommenced. I discovered she smokes. Something she said was a new habit and hid from me. I detest smoking and she would say she would stop. And then smoke when I wasnt around but I could smell it off her clothes. This really upset me that she lied. We broke up 2 days ago. Her citing she needed to love herself before she could live anyone and our relationship was toxic. She told me things I never knew before. She had smoked for the 2 years we were together. Something she had denied multiple times. She had taken out a credit card 1 year ago after we discussed the cons of it and we agrees it was a poor idea and that we should cut back on savings. She always said she never had a credit card and then admitted she had one for 3 months after lying to me continually. When we met she said she was single 2 months. However she has just told me that she broke up with her bf the day after the night I first met her. (We exchanged numbers only) and dated the following week. And finally she has admitted to be unfaithful in her last 2 relationships. Which has me shocked. I cant eat or sleep thinking about this. She says she is still attracted to me and never cheated on.me. she has never lost attraction for me physically. She says she I more mature now. She is a very attractive girl and would get attention easily. I am shocked after 2 years I feel like I dont know this person. I am sick because I built my future around her. I have not slept in 2 days and barely ate. She wants to continue as friends as she seeks help to love herself and asks me to get some help for my attitude stringent ways which she says can be controlling. I feel I cant continue as friends. I feel so betrayed. How could I trust someone like this.... I feel I've wasted 2 years. All my friends are settling down engaged married buying houses and I felt this was the one. I dont even know what to tell people. I am almost embarrassed. Any advice is welcome please. Had anyone been in a similar situation?
  2. So back in the middle of October I took a trip with my Boyfriend. I ended up wetting the bed, I was also bloated, stomach cramping and gaining weight fast. I saw the Urologist when I got back who blew me off. So I got a second opinion. The second urologist did imaging and saw I had a large mass in my bladder. She just went off the Ct Scan, she didn’t order any further imaging. I had a Cystoscope in November and she saw my bladder looks really good and healthy took a sample to biopsy. The only odd thing was she told me I had a large protrusion inside the bladder. But she said to follow up with obgyn. In January I end up in ER with horrible stomach cramping feeling like I’m dying. They order another CT scan which I’m not happy about. This one shows the mass more on the pelvic side then bladder side. I see her again, she says I must have tissue from the bladder protruding into the pelvic region and orders a ct guided biopsy. I go see my Gynecologist and he says not to do the biopsy. He sends me too Urogynecologist. I just saw her today and now I’m even more confused. She is sending me to an Oncologist Gynecologist who I got in STAT to see next Thursday. She’s top in her field and books always off in advance so to get in this quick is rare. The Urogynecologist went over all my procedure notes from what the Urologist did and found then through the Ct imaging. She told me I need to have different kinds of imaging. What’s being seen is this weird annexal structure with moderate amounts of blood flow that is in the right pelvic area. She told me it must have confused the urologist thinking it was in the bladder. Because it’s large and the ct scan was unclear. She told me it’s a right ovarian mass that’s probably been there since the Urologist went looking in the wrong area. So basically I’ve had this thing since the Cystoscope back in November and even farther back. It’s just unfortunately the Urologist accidentally over looked it. So my head is spinning because this confused me even more. She said that’s why the Oncologist Gynecologist will order an ultrasound and MRI to get better imaging on this thing. Unfortunately it’s not something she does in her field. I feel like an alien, what the heck is this thing on my Right Ovary that’s confusing every doctor? I’m bloated, I have back pain, it feels like I have endometriosis back. I asked, it’s not Endometriosis. I guess it doesn’t fit the look on the ct images for it to be endometriosis. I’m still leaking to where I’ve worn depends since October. I’m getting frustrated! I’m having a hard time losing weight because I’m so bloated. So I’ve just maintained. I’m on WW. Each different doctor has a different theory of what their looking at. They all do however agree on one thing, and it scares me! They think this may be a malignant growth of some sort based on its characteristics. Also the fact Ovarian and Breast Cancer run rapid in my family history. I’m 38, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink nor do I do drugs. I’m healthy in that regard. I had a hysterectomy five years ago due to endometriosis. The doctor took out everything but my right ovary for estrogen purposes. Lucky me! 😂 I see the oncologist gynecologist and I hope she has a better idea of the next steps forward. Sorry I wrote a novel. It’s been hard going through the run around. I needed to vent.
  3. Hi. I was in a relationship with my ex for 9 years. I ended up breaking up with her about a year ago after having long standing feelings that I could not fully commit to her. There was no cheating, no abuse, no major arguments or anything like that. It was just a gut feeling based on some concerns that I had that I could not shake. I brought my feelings up with her half way through our relationship and we eventually separated after 9 years It's been about a year since the breakup and I have since moved to another country. Now that I am single again I miss the times we had together, her personality, I can see how much she meant to me and that I was lucky to have her in my life. In a way I can't ever imagine finding someone else that has the same qualities as my ex. My problem is I'm not sure whether these feelings are due to the grieving process of splitting up and the downsides of me being single again or whether they mean something else and perhaps I made the wrong decision to break up with her in the first place. How do I know which is the right feeling? We got on great during our relationship. Personality wise she is genuinely a good person and fun to be around, always positive, humble, easy going and not materialistic. Never starting arguments and rarely ever in a bad mood. She has a great sense of humor and a sweet endearing outlook on life. From my point of view our relationship felt like we were best friends and companions rather than lovers and I always felt I could be myself around her. I felt reassured in life having her by my side. Every single day her personality put a smile on my face. However certain red flags played on my mind throughout our relationship, preventing me from fully committing and which lead me to initiate the break up. Despite being emotionally attached and loving her in one way I felt that I was no longer emotionally attracted to her. Despite continuing to enjoy each others company until the end this also affected the physical aspects of our relationship. Throughout our relationship she was always really bad with her own money. Taking out overdrafts and exhausting them, taking out loans, then taking out loans to pay off other loans and eventually taking out payday loans from multiple lenders to live month by month . It was something I realised she was doing early on, the letters coming through the post etc. I always said I'd rather she be open and honest about her situation and perhaps I could help her out but she simply did not want to talk about it saying it was under control and that it was none of my business. What concerned me more was this seemed to be a pattern of behaviour over many years rather than a situation she needed to get out of. If I had paid all her debts off I wander whether she would end up back in the same situation in a year or two. What concerned me was also her attitude to the situation, just ripping up the letters and throwing them in the bin rather than dealing with the situation intelligently. Job wise and for her age she also earnt much less than I thought she could have earnt. She has some great qualities, is well organised, great interpersonal skills and always put the hours in but I always felt that she underplayed herself and lacked confidence or ambition. From my working experience I can honestly say she was worth double what she was paid. Despite offering to help her step up the ladder she seemed to be happy with where she was. This in itself isn't a major problem but being paid so little was part of the reason she was so much in debt. I couldn't figure out why she wouldn't want to better her situation. She smoked cigarettes everyday of our relationship. In itself not great for a partner who doesn't smoke but she had more reasons than most smokers to quit. Before we met she recovered from an illness and had a second shot at life. Part of me expected her to get real and be more serious about life, her health and quit smoking. Not only was the physical aspect of smoking a turn off for me but I considered her decision to not appreciate and take advantage of her recovery by continuing to smoke as more of a turn off. She always avoided discussing or dealing with difficult situations preferring to just ignore them. In the early days I always felt I was open to help her with anything as long as we could talk about it and be honest. Whether it be a relationship issue, her debt or any issue that we may have had together. But anything too difficult or sensitive to talk about or overcome she would rather pretend it was not an issue and just carry on as normal. This meant that we never really talked about the important stuff eg. each others needs, wants, how each other felt in the relationship. She had very few interests, hobbies or activities. Despite having a fantastic personality she didn't do a great deal in her spare time. She rarely exercised and as a result was out of shape for most of our relationship. Her family are from a different background to my family. I don't know whether this played a part but in my opinion her family seemed to have different priorities in life than mine. I was basically in a situation where I was no longer emotionally attracted to my partner. I felt that she made poor life decisions (money, career and health) and was not willing to discuss these issues or change. Would these red flags give most people cause for concern? Did I make the wrong decision in splitting up? I miss her so much but even now if we got back together I still don't know how i would feel. It's as if over time I love and have become emotionally attached to someone who doesn't share the same outlook in life as me. Bottom line is nothing was changing and if I was going to commit to her I would have wanted her to change. When in reality I have no right to expect anyone to change. Part of me feels sad because I miss her. I wander how will I ever meet someone with the same kindness, good heart and easy connection that we had again. Even after 1 year apart I still don't feel motivated to date again and think of my ex most days. On the other hand despite being together for so long I do wander whether we were just incompatible as romantic partners. Just interested in some opinions please and how I can make sense to move forward. Before anyone replies by saying I did her a favor, she's better off without me and deserves to be with someone who is completely committed, there's no need to make me feel bad, I know all this. Every conceivable guilty thought, viewpoint or scenario has been through my head a million times.
  4. Boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, he was a smoker when we met (cigarettes and otherwise) but before we got together he had expressed the desire to quit. I have always encouraged this, but thus far it hasn't happened. He has cut down, but at this point I'm not exactly jumping for joy over this little win. Last weekend, when discussing budgeting, I told him his smoking was a problem, that I didn't like it, and that I didn't want to fund it/go to the shop for him anymore. I asked him to set aside his own smoking budget, and be in complete control of the habit, as I didn't like it. He got very stuffy about this, ended the conversation, then went and smoked in the bathroom for a good half hour, and then ignored me til 3am. He woke me up when I came to bed, said "sorry the day has been sh*t ", then was confused when I wasn't 'in the mood'. I asked if he wanted to talk about it, no he didn't, then off he went to the couch for the rest of the night, and took the day off work the next day. Admittedly I didn't try to bring it up again the next day, and to his credit he hasn't smoked in front of me since. But things are very 'off'. We don't live together (used to, but I moved back in with parents a few years ago to save money), so we converse through text during the week and only spend weekends together. I'll try to go and see him during the week, but I don't like going to work with my hair smelling of smoke, so I'm admittedly not there that often. He knows this, categorically. Anyway, the texts all this week have been very stilted, and it's now weekend again and he's still being off with me. It doesnt feel like a healthy relationship to me, I feel like I am being punished for expressing an opinion, but equally, am I over reacting??
  5. hello, i'm [21] and she's [23] We've been dating for 3 years, we've always loved each other and been happy together. My gf however has depression and struggles with insecurity, low self-esteem. I try to be as positive as I can when I'm around her. ​ Recently she got a fulltime job and is training away for 2 months. The first 3 weeks she kept telling me she's lonely and isn't making any friends and during that time I tried my best to talk to her constantly through text, calls, etc... ​ On the 4th week suddenly she made new friends and started texting me significantly less (We text each other lots throughout the day typically). Throughout the week I tried my best to reach out to her and express the fact that communication suddenly went down the drain between us. Despite this I wasn't getting a lot of responses. During that weekend, I threw a tantrum and wanted a "break" which is very childish of me, I admit I shouldn't have done it. All I wanted was clear communication and I couldn't get it after a week of trying which is why I did it. Everytime I reached out she would say its because she's busy and always go out with her new friends/coworkers. To my knowledge she goes out and drink almost everyday during this time. We usually call each other every night before sleeping and now I don't even get that plus any text. The times she'd pick up my phone she'd be with friends either at a bar drunk out of her mind, or in a room with her 2 guy friends that she doesn't even tell me anything about. She insists on letting her be so she can grow herself withint the next 2 months and she promise when she gets back it'll be better. ​ The morning after I called her and and we started talking and I get to state my side of the story and asked for reasons why communication suddenly got super sucky and asked for us to get back. We finally had our clear talk. Her reasoning for all of this was that she's busy and has no time for me. According to her friends, she needs to be on her own so she can grow and fix her insecurity and what not. As we got talking I found out she's been smoking cigs and weed + drinking almost everynight, and because she doesn't want me to scold her she decided to hide them all from me. I felt like it was a huge blow and got kinda mad and went away for 5 minutes. Finding out she hide things from me is a big no no, but then smoking blunts here and there isn't a big deal to me so I let it go. Still felt kinda ty that she hid things from me. Through all of this all I wanted was like some assurance that communication will be improved and what not but she kept insisting that she wants to be on her own for 2 months so our relationship can be better. ??? ​ She apologized for communication issues and I apologized for throwing a tantrum. I was promised a 10 mins call every day at least, she we can update each other on what we're on but things are still bumpy. Since then its been 3 days, 2 of those days when I got the promised 10 minutes were when she's in public/with her friends and she always have a ty mood talking to me, saying things like "oh yea im just so busy and tired, dont wanna be too focused on phone when i'm w my friends" and i'd end the call within 5 minutes because why the would I stay in a call when you can't even put all your attention on me as promised. Basically communication is better, still significantly different from before though. ​ I've also addressed that I'd want her to stop smoking and drinking everynight to the point where I rarely even get her presence when she's sober, but she kept saying like it's okay, it's fun, it helps me through the stress and all that. As farr as I know she's also puked a couple of times last week from drinking too much already. ​ Should I end things here? From the fact that she hid things from me, continues to engage in self-destructive behavior, refusing to listen to anything I say. I can provide more infos if needed. What's your take?
  6. Ugh I don’t really know where to start with this. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now. I’m 18 and she’s 17 and we met through work last year. I never imagined things would work out between us but we started hanging out and we ended up dating. Early on, I had some issues because she liked to vape/smoke/ drink all of which I’m not really into and she kinda shamed me for it. Eventually she quite vaping but still talks about wanting to smoke and drink which I hate because she knows I hate it. She has become extremely attached and talks about our future together all the time, but I can’t see myself marrying her. She wants to live up north but I prefer SoCal where I go to college now. I’ve had a bunch of issues that have been slowly adding up, one of my main concerns is that she is tame now while she’s at home, but I feel like once she gets to college she might end up doing something. She’s extremely social and tends to lead people on without realizing it and doesn’t know when to cut people off when she should, I feel like her desire for attention and drinking habits may lead to her cheating although she says she would never do that. So do I avoid myself getting hurt and hurting her by stringing her along and just end it ASAP? I’m going home to surprise her in 2 weeks and she’s coming down to check out the campus in the next month. Do I wait until that’s over? She also never wanted to go to college down her and after I came down and convinced her, she’s applying to a bunch of schools down her. I don’t want her to end up going to a school down her for me, just for us to end up breaking up. What should I do? And how do I do this without devastating her?
  7. Hi everyone, I’ll try and keep this quick. I’m hoping if you can tell me if my boyfriend is being unfair to this situation. My boyfriend and I have technically been together 8 months. However, after these 8 months we broke up due to trust issues, and got back together after one and a half months apart. These issues have now been resolved and things are going great. However we’ve only been back together two weeks, so I don’t want to start a serious talk or bad argument about this. I’m just looking for some advice. This morning, my boyfriend was over at my house before he went to work. My mums boyfriend was over, who was going outside for a cigarette. I told him I would join him, NOT because I smoke, but to just tell him something in private quickly. I apologised to my boyfriend for leaving him inside when I came back after 5 minutes, he was watching tv, with a panicked look on his face. Before I said anything he said, “You don’t smoke. Right?” I decided to not elaborate on this subject and I thought I could make a joke out of it, which I see now was mean, however we are like this too eachother with a lot of things. I responded with, “Oh, I don’t?” With a wink. This is the conversation basically after that. Him: My heart is literally racing. Tell me you don’t smoke. I’m not going to be one bit happy if I find out now that you do. Me: God, why would it actually matter anyway? Him: You know I hate it, and you know I can’t be around it. It sets my asthma off, I can’t stand the smell of it. You know how bad my chest is. (I really didn’t want to say that his Mum and sister smoke at this point in then argument, he’s very protective of giant family and I think it would of made him more mad.) Me: Yeah I know. It’s not like I’d do it near you. So what’s the big deal? Him: I can smell it of people! My chest is too sensitive to it I wouldn’t even be able to kiss you. Me: So you’d leave me if I smoked. Him: Considering how bad you know my chest is, yeah I would. Me: Oh wow, okay. Well I don’t anyway. Him: Good. I’ll text you after work. He then leaves. What I’m most upset about is how he could so easily say he wouldn’t leave me. No hesitation, no trying to help me quit. He’d just go. Is he in the rights, or am I? I really don’t know what’s to say to him when he finishes work. I really do love him, and I don’t want to lose him by starting an argument over this. Should I just forget the whole thing? Thank you, for any help.
  8. So basicly she broke off with me two months ago because of indifference. We both shared different values, we could not connect great and we did not match. Those were her words tho. I declined that POV but it did not matter so it was over. Point is as follow. I felt like sh*t for a long time and still can't seem to behave normal. I feel this energy flowing constantly. I somehow still can't believe it's over and we never spoke since our last break-up talk. To be honest, i was madly in love with that girl and we had so many good times together. We had so many laughs, so many trips, we went away almost every weekend to festivals, parties, long trips, etc. I can honestly say i've never felt so authenticly in love with a person. It was so humble, i did everything for her. After she broke off with me, i kinda went crazy and moved mountains to "get over her". So i took motorcycle lessons, bought a motorcycle, sold my house, my stuff. Went for visa, paid my debts, etc, etc. I'm finalizing at the moment, nearing the point where i can hop my bike to go for a loooooooooooooooooong ride around the world. I am also reaching the point where i don't give a sh*t anymore, but that takes away the initial urge to travel the world. Kinda weird. At six weeks after our break she sent me a msg. If i would like to join her birthday party. I was still very bitter and so i replied i was not planning to come, but we could however meet another time within a few weeks. Now i am anticipating this meeting and i ask my self. Why would i do such a thing? The one reason i can think about is to rant extra about what went wrong and why "we should mary and live for ever after together". The other reason i can think about is to see her face again. Hear her voice and maybe smell her fumes again. To rekindle my own feelings and remember why i went into that mental frenzy in the first place, after she broke it all off. With the intention to relive that coping of loss, setting another stage of anger and use that to leave for ever. Kinda twisted if you ask me, tho. But hey. She wanted to meet. So what would be a good course of action? I see some scenario's. - 1 - We set an arrangement to drive our bikes. We meet at one point and as soon as she arrives, i start my bike and we hit the road, without creating an opportunity to talk to each other. Just driving. We do this for an hour or so. As soon i've gotten enough of it, i'll just take the left lane and we split up (without letting her know) and move towards the horizon to be never seen again. (symbolism) - 2 - We set an arrangement and we'll meet. We drive a bit, have phun and park our bikes near the pond and have a chat, smoke some sigs and chill. - 3 - Rant everything i have to say, become a complete moron of what went on in my head for the last couple of weeks, she will most likely piss her pants laughing and take my respect. - 4 - I do nothing. I will leave. She will never hear from me again. ==== But really i have no clue. I think i only want to see her face again. To see again where my love went to and to linger what once was. Make amends with her and myself. Only for me this time to end this and say my final goodbye and let go for ever. Any thoughts? Have anyone did something like this before?
  9. I messed up. I have with the only person ever in my life to care about me for me, for the past 2 years. We have had a rocky relationship however, there were plent of good moments together. We also adotped a dog togehter about a year in (he is like both our child). She moved in with me almost instantly and we rent a house, along with my father. I have issues with drinking and smoking weed. I have not been there for her sexually like i should have been for a good while of the relationship, and admidlty could have been more affectionate. We had a 4 day seperation about 4 months ago because i couldnt get a handle on my drinking (as in doing it too much) . I told her how much a sober life with her ment to me (although i was still smoking and this never botherd her) and i got myself clean from drinking without AA like she though i would need, for 3 months. She turned 21 (im 27) and we mutually agreed on her birthday vacation if we go out to eat or wanna have a night out thats fine, drinking could be something we shared, since she couldnt enjoy bars with me before. Things were looking good for us, i got into model building as a healty way not to drink. But like drinking, that hobby also kinda consumed me and i wasnt there for her, because i was so fixed on myself and staying away from drinking, to make us both happy. And i was. But from lack of attention, she wasnt. I was still smoking weed at this point. Another huge issuse is moving out. My whole soul hungers to be able to settle down with her and my dog, and she wanted to move out too, but the issue was my father and where he would go, so i couldnt pull the trigger. This made so much tension. She broken up with me 3 days ago. The final straw was that i told her id take her out later that night, got caught up in some stuff, went back to her too late to go out, but still wanted to hang and spend time at home (albe it was late). She was pissed though, i just genuenlly didnt know how much that dinner ment to her and i 100% honest lost track of time. Next morning she sat me down and said she doesnt love me anymore and wants to leave. And it was just a bit to early before i could find the right balance between giving her attention and getting away from substances. Now, i need to show her i mean buisness. Part of why i wasnt showing her attention or sexual attention was simple i got rid of beer but i was alwayssss high and lazy. I was scared of that being taken away. So childish. Currently (3 days into breakup) my life goal is to show her how sorry i am for not being there like she was for me. Im currently doing the following - - i stopped smoking overnight - made a savings jar to put all my saved weed money into a fund for us to move into an appartment - have sex at least every other night (how can i show her this change will happen?) - start lifting weights (she always said she likes big arms) - and most important accept i do not want her back for me, i want to give her what she deserved by beliving in me for so long. I really let her down without even realizing because im always high... I dont even want her back right away. I dont want to hurt her or make her feel perssured. I just want her to give it some time, see how high i climb this obsticle, and re-evaluate. But i fear that ship has sailed once already. I really need advice. Ive been doing the no contact rule for 2 days now, but i dont know if its proper for my situation. And to anyone who read this whole thing, thank you.
  10. Ive been talking to this girl for about 2 months now and are both into eachother. But the last few days she has been not herself and seams really blunt with me. I think its from me smoking more reguarly. I met her two days ago; everything was fine and today it has all crashed down. I asked her whats wrong and she just explained she was going through some stuff w her step dad, and that 'i dont think im what you need rn' implying something, but cant get my head around what. I dont know where her head thruthly is atm but I want things to go back to usual. All im asking is for somebody else's opinion on this and some advice to get back together :)
  11. I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 years now, on and off. A little bit of background on us: He was diagnosed with bipolar type II about a year ago, though he doesn't seek regular help for it. He takes the medication he's given but doesn't seek therapy which has always concerned me. He's tried a few therapists in the past and none really clicked with him so he's given up on the notion entirely. He's in a very unique position job wise, he's a freelancer, and when he is working, it's usually away from home. He makes a substantial amount of money for the few months of work, then spends the rest of the year at home not doing a lot. He's an active smoker (weed), who probably smokes 4-8 joints a day. This never really bothered me, I enjoy smoking too like I enjoy a nice glass of wine after work, but I feel uncomfortable about the amount he smokes. I'm not sure why... It doesn't necessarily alter his mood, I think I just worry about his reliance on it. He says he just smokes because he's bored which I understand. I work a rigid 9-5 job, I'm also a naturally hard worker and he sits at home waiting for me every day. He also has a pretty bad cocaine addiction that comes and goes, I couldn't tell you the extent of it because I'm not sure I've ever gotten the full story, he never sought out help to overcome this addiction, he says he can deal with it himself. In the last 6 months, he relapsed, was in an awful place and cheated on me twice. When he relapses he does stupid things like messages other girls, send nude pictures of himself to other people, that sort of stuff. He justified this as he was coming out of his "bad time" saying he does this sort of stuff because he deserves to be sad, or when he looks at me all he sees is the awful stuff he's done to me and punishes himself. Very destructive behaviour. He has been off coke now for a few months after falling back into it on one of his work trips, he's been home now about 2 months and here is my issue: Every weekend he goes out. Without fail. His nights out aren't just a few drinks with the boys and then back home, it's multiple different substances, out at clubs until 8am sort of stuff. Now, he says he isn't doing coke, so I shouldn't be worried. He's always had an issue with limits, it's 100% or nothing with him which is part of the reason I fell in love with him. Recently he's been doing quite a bit of LSD, he says don't worry, 'I'm just micro-dosing'. It's just 'for fun' or 'to be creative'. Whenever I try to talk to him about his drug use he gets upset, tells me I'm being 'too judgmental' or 'making him feel like a junky'. If I'm being honest, I probably could phrase my words a bit better, but I'm often overwhelmed with emotion, though I am desperately trying to work on that. Because of this, he lies about his drug use a lot. Which I understand is my fault, if I was more positive about it all, he wouldn't lie, but now I've found myself monitoring his social media and 'drug apps'. I hate the idea of snooping but every time I do it, I find something I didn't want to see, so I keep going back to it. He's not doing coke which is the only thing he's been addicted to, so I shouldn't worry, right? Apart from this, he is the sweetest, most incredible guy. He makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world and I truly love him. I couldn't imagine life without him. Should I let this go? Am I being crazy? Thank you in advance!
  12. Hi everyone! We are a group of 5 five friends and one of my friends says that she's broke all the time. It have reached a point that it is really annoying because whenever we are going to do something she says that she is broke and she has to check if she has the money to join, but she doesn't have any problems going out partying with her mom, paying for a gym membership that is expensive and traveling abroad. I've told her that she should get a job but she always keeps making up dumb reasons why not to work.. One time I almost blurted out that she doesn't have to join everything if she doesn't have money. She is also expecting us, especially me, to hold her hand, and she wants everything to be about her.. She told us that she's feeling lonely, but then I told her that I have asked her several times if she wants to do something, she cannot remember that she has gotten any messages from me... One time I asked her if she wants to join me and my mom on a day trip. She said that she would love to but she has to check her calendar but then she didn't bother getting back to me. We went to a wedding because both of us were bridesmaids and the day before the wedding, she asked me if she can drive with me to where we were taking pictures and I said yes but when she has to come to the hotel, and then she asked me when she should be there. I said well its not my wedding so she should ask the bride when she should be at the hotel... We went for a cabin trip and I was in charge with planning and if I asked something, everyone answered except her, but the day before we were going she kept asking a lot of questions. I didn't bother answering because if she had read what I wrote in the group her questions would had been answered. I also said that there was no smoking in the cabin and she told me that she understood that, but when we were at the cabin, she asked me if she could smoke inside. I said no but she kept asking. I told her firmly that I won't discuss with her when I said no and that if she wants to smoke, she could go outside which she did. Also, whenever we are having a gathering, we usually bring whatever we want to drink. She brings whatever she wants to drink but then she hides her wine bottle and whenever I'm at her place, I have to bring snacks myself even though it was she who invited me... Last weekend, we all went to a friend's place, and me and two of the girls in the group brought something for our friend who were having the went but this girl didn't bring anything. She didn't even bother taking out her bottle of wine...And this happens every single time. We are going to a concert, so I am going to have a gathering at my place before the concert and I was planning to have a dinner and ask them to bring whatever they want to drink and snacks. Three of the girls in the group are going to stay over at my place but this girl is not going to stay over at my place because she lives very close to me. She also don't have the decency to even offer to chip in for gas. My car doesn't drive on friendship, and I'm planning to say something about that when we are going somewhere. I could go on and on about this girl. Basically, she expect everyone to do everything for her. Friendship is give and take but she takes more than she give. I really want to be a good friend but sometimes I feel like a crappy friend because it is bothering me. The other girls in the group keeps complaining to me about her but whenever we are all together they are acting like everything is fine. I'm planning to say something to my other friends if they say something to me about her... My question is: How would you guys deal with a friend like that?
  13. I left my boyfriend last night and told him I needed space and wanted to stay at my mom's. I woke up at 5 AM worried about the future. I am supposed to go home for lunch and I was going to have a talk with him about his addiction. He smokes pot everyday and I found a straw with white powdery substance in the dining room on the floor so I think he is using other drugs too. I really want out.
  14. i'm just talking about pot. i've tried it myself and i'm just not into it at all. and i made that decision indeed. but now it seems (to me) that there are less people out there that just don't smoke pot at all. i've never met anyone (near my age) who clearly agrees with me that pot is just not their thing. well, my girlfriend thinks like that too but she's had a "relationship" with it when she was younger. she'd smoke pot a lot and she has her emotions to it. thats respectable. she then just stopped and never got back into the habit. though she's admitted in the past she was curious and smoked last year (before she met me). it really upset me to hear that. because here i thought thinking she wasn't going to anymore but curiosity struck her to smoke pot. it really bothers me to know that she WANTED to do that.. she reassures me that she doesn't want to touch the stuff ever again. but it makes me worry what if her curiosity strikes her again? i know i shouldn't make such a big deal about smoking pot since it doesn't hurt others and it's practically harmless (depending on how you view it). but i do really want to know if there's people out there who don't touch the stuff at all anymore.
  15. Which of these two choices do you think is a tougher individual? Choice 1 - The sterotypical tough guy ( large build, jacked) who you woudn't want to mess with. But who also smokes, and uses alcohol and drugs on occasion, to deal with his problems. He barely shows emotion, moves from girl to girl, and is angry at the world. Or Choice 2 - or the typical "nice guy". He is of average size, normal body build, and loving/respecting toward his mates. Choice 2 is able to resist peer pressure to drink and smoke as a teen, likes to be healthy, and is more family oriented. He's educated, and overall not a bad guy. He isn't overly sensitive but likes to charm girl's with his words and show's some of his emotions. He is able to deal with his emotions and control them It seems to me that in today's society choice 1 is the better man and gets more respect. He often gets more female company and is the more desirable man. Choice 2 gets scolded and is seen as weak and a whimp by society.i personally think choice 2 is the tougher guy.-- just my opinion. whats your's?
  16. I have recently been evaluating my behavior, and discovered that I have a severe oral fixation. All dirty jokes aside, I literally cannot go for more than ten minutes without doing something with my mouth, unless I'm asleep. If I'm around people, I'm talking when I'm not drinking or smoking or eating. I get waaaay too drunk when I drink because I can't stop putting the drink to my lips. I smoke waaaay too much when I'm alone, because I'm not talking. I smoke to the point of making myself feel sick, but only when I'm alone. When I drink coffe I get waaay too caffeinated, cause I can't stop drinking it. While I study, I eat in-shell sunflower seeds to the point that my lips and tongue get raw and I sometimes gain 5 lbs. of water weight from all the sodium from them. I bite my lip a lot, to the point where my jaw sometimes hurts from over-extending it, and I chew on my lip ring out of habit. I chew gum when I can't have anything else, and I fall asleep in class if I am not eating something. I also like to kiss to the point of distraction. And, yes, other stuff too. However, I don't chew pens or my nails or hair or anything. I know, this sounds totally weird, but does anyone know a cure for an oral fixation? I can't chew gum ALL the time, it makes me look like a cow.
  17. musicguy

    Update

    I've posted on here about my new girlfriend. (She's 19, I'm 27) I spent time with her over the weekend. Her brother's band played Saturday night and she didn't have a babysitter and she really wanted to go to the show, after the show there was a party for a band members b-day and she wanted to go to that, so I let her go while I babysat her kids. She said that she'd be gone for a couple hours, BUT she ended up staying out all night. Sunday night, yeah, New Year's Eve, party time for everyone! There was a friend that she hadn't seen, so I yeah, I let her go...once again she said that she'd be back before midnight..so I stayed up all night after I put her kids to bed and waited for her. She came home at 5am and I was kinda sleeping, so we talked about it and she read the note about how depressed/mad I felt that night. So she apologized and was caressing my hand and holding it. That day we looked at apartments for her to live at and apparently she would want me to live with her and her kids. (her and I met on Myspace a year and a half ago, have been talking online and on the phone, etc. met 3 weeks ago and starting dating) Anyway, last night we went to my friends house since they invited us to dinner, so she had her kids with her. We had a good time with my friends. While in the car, before we parted..we made out a lot. Do you all think that she's taking advantage of me cuz I'm just another person she can pawn her kids off to while she has fun? What should I do? cuz she also smokes pot twice every other day or so. I want to intervene without getting her mad ya know, but I don't even know if she's going to listen to me. She'll smoke pot in the bathroom while her daughter is outside wanting her. (her kids are 2 and a half and 5 months) P.S. She's also Bi-polar
  18. Ok, I'm writing this because I need help mostly. I've had relatively few interactions with girls on an "more than friends" level in the past but a few have popped up recently. I'm now a senior in high school, and have never really gotten into it before. I always thought it was because nobody would like me, or I was ugly. For the first three years of high school, I basically just assumed that I would never get a girlfriend, so I never tried. This year was different, though. I guess it's because I've started being more social. I've met different people, and a few girls have shown interest in me. Let me start with the first. She was a really interesting girl, who seemed very intellectual. I had always had sort of a thing for her since sophomore year, but I never really thought anything could happen between us, so I didn't even talk to her really. It wasn't until this year that we started talking. After a while, a close friend of mine told me that she liked me. Not only that, but that she was considering leaving her current boyfriend for me. Also, a few days later, after she came over to my house for a while (along with a few other friends), she came back to my doorstep and kissed me, and said she liked me. That sent a clear message. The following night, I asked her out. She said yes, but then later on in the night she said she couldn't go. I asked her out again. Another dodge in return. I even asked her out a final time, and got another blank response. She didn't say anything to me until I forced it out of her later. She eventually told me that I was just a rebound, and that she was just going through with her boyfriend. Of course, she said it in a much nicer way though. Shortly after this ordeal, another girl popped out of nowhere it seemed. I thought things would go much better with this girl. She was very approachable and we share a lot in common. We started talking excessively, every chance we had it seemed. It was obvious that we really liked each other, and several people had told me that she liked me. I was really unsure of how to get things moving, so a few nights ago she came over to my house. I guess you could call it a "first date." The plan was to smoke pot. Everything started well, but I did the stupid thing by trying to impress her, and took in way too much smoke. Keep in mind, this was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't feel any effect so I thought I was doing it wrong. Then a few minutes later it hit me. It all rushed to my head so quickly, and I collapsed on the ground in total shock. I was having a terrible high. It dragged on for hours. I made a complete fool out of myself. I probably scared her to death. Could I have screwed that up any worse? While I was high, I said some pretty stupid things. I whined about how I screwed things up for the evening, and how she would never consider me as a boyfriend. I even told her I liked her at one point I think. She must think I'm totally psychotic right now. Later on that evening we talked briefly on AIM. I said to her, "So where should we go from here?" She replied, "I really don't know." Interestingly, her, a friend of mine, and me still ended up going to San Francisco as planned before the incident today. As expected, she really didn't want to have anything to do with me. It was dreadfully awkward. My friend and her basically talked the whole time, and I was shut out. It's obvious that she really has no interest in me anymore. I'm devastated. What a mess I've created here. I really have no clue what I'm doing. I just keep screwing up again and again. Does anyone have any advice? Even at this very moment, she's online but I don't know what to say to her. Maybe I shouldn't say anything at all. What can I say?
  19. truthfully, i am very very annoyed with myself. i have been with my girlfriend (who, might i add, is one of the most amazing people in the world) for almost 4 months now. i know it may seem like such a short time, and seems like i am much too young, but i really honestly think i love her. and i know for sure she loves me. she makes me happy and vice versa. the problem? another girl. first girl i was ever attracted to. first girl i came close to dating. she moved, and now she's back. she wanted to ask me out before, apparently, but she thought i was straight. we knew each other inside out within a week after meeting. then she moved. we kept in touch, but it was somewhat fading, i'm assuming you all understand what i mean by that. then suddenly she just pops right back into my life. we talked and agreed to hang out yesterday. i thought it would just be a friend thing, but i guess my feelings never really went away. we hung out and then it came to be that she stayed the night; she didn't have a ride home. we always got along well, it's just how it was, and how it is. there were just too many signs. i am rather good at reading people. but the way she acted was so contradictory that i just didn't know what to think. she would often talk about this boy she likes(she's bi, as well as i am), and it really seemed like he was a huge part of her life, but then she'd just do things that would make it seem like she was interested in me. i mean, the night before, she told me, "You're a very big somebody. Especially when we really talked. Now you're a somebody, just not as big(since she moved). That's why we need to chill soon. I don't want to lose you." she took one of my rings and put it on; one that she's always loved. she, in turn, let me wear one of her rings. she kept saying things; that i was pretty or something about me looked nice, etc. etc. i had my hair up that day and she pulled my hair tie out told me to keep it down, that it looked really pretty down. we sat outside late at night, to smoke and come back in, but we ended up just sitting down and staring out into the night. there were no lights, it was just the night. we sat there in silence for maybe 30 minutes, deep in our own thoughts. then we talked in strange bits, leaving maybe 4-5 minute pauses between each response. then we stopped and sat in silence some more. i dont know how long that time, but i remember hearing her cry silently. we spoke again, and she just had an emotional breakdown. i gave her a shoulder to cry on. both literally and figuratively. we went back inside after a while and went to sleep. today we woke up and didn't really have plans. we ate and had a lot of fun, just messing around with each other. we had good laughs. i taught her a song on the guitar, we jammed. then we had a playfight, and we just cracked up so hard, cause she was trying to get outside to smoke, but i didn't want to let her, i was trying to break her addiction. and then we made plans with some other people to go to the movies. while we were getting ready i wanted to keep my hair up, but she wanted me to keep it down. eventually she just let me tie it up, but she did it for me. i wore some new clothes and she said something about how good i looked (which wasn't true. i'm ugly. really.). she told me, "I better apologize to your girlfriend now, cause I'm so hitting on you." of course i just laughed and said nothing else. we got there and met our friends, the movie we wanted to watch was sold out, so the four of us linked our arms and walked over to a burger place and got some shakes. while we linked arms, our hands touched somehow while we were jauntily walking, and she held onto my fingers. i didn't say anything, she didn't say anything, and the other two didn't even notice anything. we just walked on, but i was very conscious of the fact that she was holding on to my hand, by the fingers, since you can't really hold hands fully when linked arms with four people altogether. while we were there i was writing on her pants, and i wrote, "My * * * * *." she said, "You're the only person I'll ever admit to be owned by. I own everyone else." (yes, it was a joke.) there was a lot of crazy people and things going on in the front of the theatre, and they were all jumping around, screaming and smoking and being....kids, i suppose. she gets along with those people really well, and i sort of just hung back, but whenever i was with her, she'd always hug me or try to stick her finger in my ear (inside joke) and other things like that. then i dont remember what was going on, but somehow she got a hold of my hand as we were walking towards some other group of people we knew, and interlocked her fingers between mine. i tried to subtly take my hand away; it bothered me a bit, since i already am with someone. but she wouldn't let me. i feel horrible saying this, but it felt...right. remember how she took my ring? well of course we were going to switch back, but tonight while we were out at a theatre with a whole bunch of people, she said, "Hey, now you have to spend the night at my place sometime, since I stayed over last night....And then you can get this back." she was supposed to give me back my ring tonight. then when i told her i had to get away from the huge mass of people because i knew my parents would question about them and they were smoking, and i didn't want to smell like cigarettes when i went into the car. i told her that i had to step away because of it. well, a couple of us just walked over to a bench and sat down, talking and such. when my parents finally came, i pointed it out and told her that they were here and that i had to go. she sort of hesitated, then asked, "Do you want me to walk you to the car?" i just shrugged; there really wasn't a good answer to that question. so she just walked with me, gave me a goodbye hug and as she was walking back she yelled, "Call me!" it was a far walk from that particular bench to my car. i was surprised she walked me. throughout the whole time, might i mention, whenever we looked at each other, we didn't even have to talk to communicate. i don't know how to explain it. another thing? whenever she introduced me to people, it would either be, "This is my cute and pretty little ____" or "This is _____. She would've been my girlfriend if i'd stayed but i moved and now she's got another girl." things like THAT. i just dont know what to do. i love my girlfriend. please don't doubt me when i say i do. we understand each other completely and we talk about so many things. she told me that i knew her better than her own best friend, who she's been best friends with for 3 years. i've only known her for 4 or 5 months. she has been so wonderful to me and i know she loves me a lot. i know how to completely change her mood from very, VERY depressed to happy. in a matter of an hour or so. and we just shared a lot of things with each other. i think, though, the reason this has become an issue is that the other girl; even when i only knew her for a week, knows almost as much. and i know them both. inside-out. and lately, things have been so weird between me and my girlfriend. we haven't spent any time together since thanksgiving break, and for some reason, she'd been acting so strangely. everyday all she would really say to me was "I feel like * * * * today." "I'm tired as * * * *. I need sleep." or "I don't care." i tried to keep a straight face and help just be there for her, i didn't want to be a burden, but unfortunately i was having a lot of problems, too. i have clinical depression...and many other things. i just became extremely suicidal one particular week, but i couldn't SAY anything. i didn't want to add onto her problems while she was "feeling like * * * *". things smoothed over before xmas break, but we still haven't seen each other since it started, since she's visiting some relatives. it's as if we don't really know each other anymore. sort of stranger-like. pretty much i feel like a horrible, horrible person for having feelings for this other girl. but i don't know what to do. i can't leave my girlfriend. she's been cheated on and hurt so many times that i just couldn't. and i dont want to be another one of those people. not only that, but she's got major depression, too, and i remember her telling me one time that if i ever ran off with some other person, she just wouldn't know what the hell she would do. i am so terrible. i can't believe i feel this way with the other girl. when i'm already with other person, whom i love. if anyone would please, please give me any kind of advice? i know that this is not the worst in the world, and i am nothing but another person out of billions; i am just asking for someone who understands to tell me how to handle this without hurting someone else. thank you for reading through this. really. i am truly grateful.
  20. A really good friend of mine smokes way too much weed and has a serious drinking problem and has done since he was about 15 (he's 21 now) he also has a fairly consuming porn obsession and serious anger management issues. He says he's fine, that he works hard, and the at the end of the day he just wants to relax with drink and weed. (He does work hard and has a well paying job, he feels very pressured to make a lot of money). He drinks an alarming amount , yesterday he started drinking at about 10 am and didn't stop till 5 am the next morning,( Withinn a 3 hour period he smokes about 5 joints by himself) he does this every weekend. On weekdays it starts as soon as work finishes. He carries booze and hash wherever he goes. He recently told me that he was molested by a female babysitter as a very young child. He insists that he's fine with it and that it was good for him, He comes from a very 'macho' familly, His uncles took him to brothels as a teenager and his dad is also into porn in a bug way. when he told his dad what happened he said 'congratulations' and behaved like it was a great rites of passage ( he was 5 at the time). I mention this because I believe that weather he knows it or not, a lot of his anger issues stem from this. (BTW I don't have a problem with porn generaly but its really affecting his attitudes about women , which I don't like and its taking up so much of his time.) Anyway I'm really worried (so is another friend). It seems as though he's just getting worse and worse, His familly think he's doing fine as long as he's making a lot of money, they don't seem to care about the substance abuse, in fact they encourage the drinking. maybe theyre in denial. I haven't confronted him about anything because I'm afraid of his reaction. I know this is cowardly. I have to say something though. He's already lost a 5 year relationship and his health is suffering. Hes so young and I can see him slipping away already. How can I phrase is so that he won't freak out?
  21. My reasons why my "man" is not the right one for me. (I wrote this for fun, but while writing it was very therapeutic) 1. He called ex girlfriend on my phone on her called birthday. After he got off the phone, I asked who that was? He said, it was so & so, his ex- girlfriend from 17 years ago and they are friends and he called to wish her a happy birthday... awwww how sweet I was pissed. He said, because we (him and I) are together I shouldn't have give up my friends. Of course, I agree, like a freaking idiot! 2.Didn’t buy me anything on my birthday because he thought I wanted a engagement ring. So bought me dinner and a movie. Hey, the dinner was 75.00 bucks!! (I was reminded a few times that evening) 3.Broke up with me on the phone on the weekend he was supposed to come visit. Gave me the excuses .... he wasn’t able to give me what I wanted. Wasn’t strong enough, feelings weren’t strong enough... blah blah blah... 3 ½ weeks later HE initiated contact for a reconciliation. Yup, I took him back.](*,) 4. Is very cheap. Always talks about how much something cost. Drives me nuts! Never had a man do this. Maybe it's a European thing? 5.Sometimes disappears for days. Last disappearance was for about a week. Then I called him and I asked where have you been? He said, I’ve been hiding... hahahaha *** ? hiding? 6. Told him I was pregnant a little over a week ago. He was understanding at first. Wanted to be supportive. Spent weekend together and he seemed willing to talk all possibilities. The next week I’m bombarded by phone calls, telling me “I can’t handle this”, “this is very bad”, “I don’t want this”. Then he minimized our relationship. I apparently had stronger feelings then he did. Who knew? 7. Has no job stability. 8. Uses too much pot and drinks too much. 9. Is lazy. 10.Has no goals for the future, 11. Doesn't want a family with me because he isn’t stable, smokes pot, lazy and has no goals. 12. Is depressed because he isn’t stable, smokes pot, lazy and has no goals. So what do you all think? Is there a future with this guy or what? He does have good his qualities, too (Btw, he's 37 years old!)
  22. Yesterday evening I smoked 2 bongs of weed. Suddenly I felt very illl and felt like I was dieing (heart beat racing, dizzyness, felt like I was dreaming etc). It seems I probably had something like an attack of Acute Anxiety Disorder, which I read can happen from smoking weed. I woke up today though and I felt kind of spaced, like I wasn't fully 'with-it', although I could function normally etc, just felt a little weird in my head. I told my friends and they said it's probably because I havn't eaten or drunk enough. I just tried to eat now, and drank plenty of water. i felt very sick though, and more dizzy than before. I'm guessing I may be feeling this way because of a combination of weed+not enough sleep+not enough food and drink. Either way its been 20 hours andi still feel very bad. What shall I do?
  23. Is it normal to lose alot of hair while being pregnant. It is just about 11 days since my last missed period. I was just wondering is it normal to shed alot of hair when you comb it, or take a shower? Also, I had a miscarriage in the past. Is there a higher risk of losing it the second time around. I used to smoke a pack a day. So I am thinking that may have been the cause. You know you can never be too sure. Any advice on this, or anything regarding pregnancy would help alot. I have no one to talk to about being pregnant and my worrys so I am coming to everyone familiar with what I am going through. Thank-you all so very much!
  24. Hey, I am 18 and have a 17 year old gf (almost 10 months) who has been having sex since 14 and I lost mine to her this year (17). She must have been easy back then (a year ago - and before) cos she has had a quite a few partners including 2 guys on one night (that I found out about tonight) she said she was high. She has done a lot since then (quit smoking, drinking, partying, etc) But i need help coping and she is great and wants to marry me, etc...i just cant cope
  25. just broke up a few nights ago and it feels like it's really over this time. we've been together for almost 2 years and it's been good. we're both women and we both want families and realize that we can't do that with each other. neither of us wants to come out. last night was angry and bad, i dont think there's any turning back. she hasn't called today and i don't know how to sleep without her. i have slept 15 hours in 4 days and haven't eaten much, but definetly smoked enough cigarettes to kill a small pig. what should i do to calm my mind enough to see what to do? is it really over? i know i have to let her cool off but do i have to let it go? i want to call her hear her voice.
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