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About Me

  1. I was cut off by my family. I posted about the situation on other threads. In short: my family (mainly my mother) doesnt want me around. However I'm coping with a sexual assault and I want someone around but that isnt a realistic desire for my situation. I am struggling with this SEVERELY. And although I'm getting help I still go home to an empty apartment and I'm craving love. That mindset is placing me in a position where I'm itching to contact family even though I was told not to make contact. I spend 60% of my life fighting the urge to reach out even though I'm not supposed to.
  2. Good Evening Everyone - Hope you are well. Last August I attempted to commit suicide and I was hospitalized. When this happened my boyfriend was on a family vacation. He spent a lot of money and ended up paying for his whole family which left him broke. When he found out that I had committed suicide, he didn't have the money to come back. But my best friend offered him the money to come back home. He didn't accept my friends help (I'm not sure why) and didn't come back home immediately. Instead he came back a week later with his family. My wounds weren't superficial and I need several
  3. Hey guys, as many of you know, I lost both my parents in 2014. My dad fell, and died from a blood clot in his brain and my mom from lung cancer, or so I thought. A few days ago, my brother told me that my mom's death was not actually due to cancer. Oh she was terminal, in the hospital and it was only a matter of tme, but what happenrd was she told the doctors to disconnect her feeding tube (which was her choice) and she died of starvation. She had told my brother she was in so much pain, did not want to live like that, in so much pain knowing it will only result in death anyway, s
  4. So a while back, during college, I met the most amazing girl I've ever met. I'm the exact opposite of someone who falls head over heels, but she was different, and I liked her more than any other girl I've ever known. Kind, intelligent, mature, mysterious, attractive... all the good things. She seemed to like me too, but then I started getting mixed signals; sometimes I'd catch her looking at me and she'd blush and look away. Sometimes I'd walk right past her and smile and say hello, and she would turn away and completely blank me. There was one time when I bumped into her and a friend unex
  5. How do i start. A friend passed away about a month ago now, some say he committed suicide, some say it’s suspicious. Who knows. And it was hard to accept because life was just starting to look up for him and all... so you know, like why do it right? And that’s when it started. My own attempts were about 20+ years ago. And i guess ever since then it’s been about really trying to move forward and making life better and blah blah blah. And then it hit me. What’s the point? It seems like i fell into a hole of everything is meaningless. All i want is love. People are horrid to each other. Nobo
  6. I spent a lot of time here a few weeks ago going through the pain of a breakup. I had panic attacks, couldn't sleep, couldn't get the bad feelings out of my head. Wasn't suicidal but had a few suicidal thoughts. To cope I worked out, listen to meditation tapes, dove into my work and hobbies and went on a few random dates. I also went on lexapro. My ex girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 3 months ago (I probably deserved it) and quickly started dating another guy (she already had him on the sidelines from some dating app). I did all the things you're not supposed to do, tex
  7. I have a male friend that has mental health issues, he can become suicidal and very depressed. We became really close last year (not in a sexual way) he told me he was “falling in love with me”. I was getting feelings for him too but I couldn’t be in a relationship at that point and also I felt like he needed to work on himself more. We stopped talking for about a couple of months, that was my choice as I wanted to get over him. Then we started chatting again about 5 months ago, he told me he met a girl and they are apparently in a relationship but says “my heart still lies with you”. I still
  8. Hi all, So a couple weeks ago my ex basically just got her uni friend (a guy) to pick her up and not seen her since. She lost her licence to drink driving. It was a very toxic/coercive control relationship from her. Insulting me, what I wore, saying I have no friends, my family hate me. Would split with me briefly and one time tell me she slept with someone and how he ed her real good. That hurt so bad. She's an alcoholic but doesn't think she is, has depression and bad anxiety. Craves attention from guys. Needs so much love due to not a great childhood. Would threaten to kill herself. A
  9. Hello everyone - I have never felt so low in my life. The love of my life, my fiance, left me on 03/24/17. We were together since 2011. We had our few bumps in the road, but we always managed to talk things through & get over them. Apparently, she couldn't conquer her family's issues with me. FULL STORIES: THE BREAKUP EX POST BREAKUP BEHAVIOR EX'S CRUELNESS WILL SHE RETURN? It has only been one month and I have not heard a peep out of her since she dropped off the box of my stuff on my porch. The things I have heard about her since that time is from a mutual friend of ou
  10. i dont have depression or any kind of mental disorder, and i'm not crazy or irrational. i've been looking around the internet for opinions about suicide and too many are saying that if you want to kill yourself then you must be sick, which just isn't the case for me. i don't know where i'm going with this or why i'm writing it. i guess i'm just wondering if anyone else relates or gets what i'm saying..
  11. I really, really loathe myself with a burning passion. I honestly feel like my existence in this world is a big, big mistake. I was never supposed to be born. Things would've been so much better and easier if i wasn't. I've tried to commit suicide twice - first with an overdose and then by hanging. I was close the second time, but not close enough. I've put my family through hell and I just wish all this would end. I'm exhausted. I've got nothing left in me for this world.
  12. I just joined this forum because I don't know where else to turn. Let me preface by saying that both of us have depression and my partner is suicidal, so please don't continue reading if that is triggering for you. Last night, I hurt my partner when I decided to shower without them. I wrongly assumed that they didn't want to shower with me because we hadn't showered together for the past few days (they were on their period and didn't want to). I knew that they were upset, and asked to shower with them, but the damage had been done and they told me to go shower since I had already gotten re
  13. This might be a long one so bear with lol. I'm starting to have real doubts about my relationship now. I've been with my fiancé since September last year and we've been together previously. The first relationship broke down after 4 months when she said she still wasn't over a previous relationship with a guy who she has a daughter with who killed himself (in an idiotic cry for help) 6 years ago. Since that first time we kept in contact for a couple of months until I pushed her away when i realised that my feelings were still there and wouldn't go away while we were still in contact.
  14. I hate employers so much. I hate seeing how so many people around me have to barely lift a finger for their first job, and I can't even get THAT. I've tried so many applications, and those corporate slime STILL won't hire me. This puts my mom into a schema that I don't WANT to work... now she wants me to go to fast food and work there... but if I do that, I'll be humiliated to the point where I'll commit suicide. This blows. "Fair and Equal employment" my hind. What a lie. This convinces me that 1984 really IS happening in this society; that's a clear-cut example of newspeak, and it's G
  15. we should take things slowly. I liked that he said that.
  16. I just moved into this apartment with this georgous girl that goes to my school. She is perfect in every way, personally. the problem is that her on and off again boyfriend lives in the same complex. One night she stormed into the apartment all flustered saying that her "boyfriend" got in a huge fight and got preety violent so she said they "broke up" saying that he was unstable. So we just talked about it for a couple hours supposedly telling me that they fight all the time and he is abusive and possesive, and suicidal. Anyway i got i got trashed one night and i think i might have said some s
  17. i just broke up with my girlfriend and now she's been acting completely out of character. she's drinking loads, smoked weed and took panadols. she wants me to stay with her for the night but i'm not sure whether that's the best choice. what shall i do? how can i calm her down? thanks a lot!
  18. My boyfriends mum has mental health problems, depression and anxiety, but I personally think she is also manipulative and emotionally blackmailing. My boyfriend (28 years old) and I have only been going out for a year, in that time we have had only one day out together because his mum doesn't let us spend time together expect Wednesday nights. Wednesday is literally the only time we have together after work, 4 hours of alone time before he has to go home as he isn't allowed to stay round mine. I do see him Tuesday evening and can stay round Friday and Saturday night, however we have to
  19. i've been talking to this girl i've know for 2 years for almost two months, and we both like eachother, we have kissed many times, and i even asked her to a school dance. she is now saying because of her past relationships she thinks she will hurt me. she says she really likes me and that's why she wants to end it. she's afraid i will end up like her last two boyfriends who turn to drugs and suicide after she broke their hearts. she is my first gf and she thinks somewhere along the line of us dating she will break my heart and i will "be ruined." i told her i know i'll be able to handle a brea
  20. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. I found out a couple days ago that he has been lying to me about smoking for the entirety of our relationship. At first I was absolutely furious. I felt disrespected and humiliated. After thinking about it, I realized that he did not do this to spite me, but it's just an addiction. He told me he hid it from be because he didn't want to disappoint me, and honestly I get it. I love him with all my heart and I know he is the person I am supposed to be with. I don't want to throw away our relationship because of this, however I told him very clear
  21. I've felt this way for a few years now. It's been on and off but I just don't see a reason to live anymore. Nothing is going right and I can't help but mess everything up. In school one of my classes might get split because there aren't enough people taking it. That was the only class I was looking forward to and now it feels like there's no reason to go anymore if I'm getting switched into a class I don't want. I'm already so stressed out and it's only the second week of school. I put myself in a situation that I can't handle and now suicide feels like the only way out.
  22. Hello I just need some help getting my mind cleared. My girlfriend and I just broke up and left me devastated. I finally said I’ll break up with her since she has been asking for it in a long time now. She’s my dream girl and all I ever wanted. But she’s not growing in the relationship anymore, neither am I. When we’re together we only fought over little things and end up breaking up. This time it’s for good. I just can’t let go of the fact that it’s over. I do not know what to do. I still want her but being together doesn’t help us individually, it’s like we are just destroying each other. I
  23. Well, after many years trying to fit in a group of people and failing to do so, I finally concluded I am the one at fault for everything. I've been trying to excuse myself but I can't do that anymore. I even asked my brother if they are better off without me and he said: "Yes". My sister avoids me because she's too terrified of me. I'm like a monster to her no matter how hard I try not to be one... the only way I can make her feel better is to not talk at all or to hide in my room all day long. Everybody around me is annoyed by me... I lost my job last month as well and I have never bee
  24. I don't know where to start .i am so lost totally broken .its started when I had a retinal detachment in my eye every day I wake up and it kills me that i can't see like I use to. But it's T I met him 10 months ago. I love him so much I made mistakes I broke up with him because we couldn't marry soon. because of his visa issue in Sweden. I don't know why I did that. He loved me so much and I ruined things because of my anger. He was suicidal twice and is getting therapy . They have told him to stay away for relationships and falling in love . He has called the wedding off but stil
  25. I've been dating my current girlfriend for a year and a half now, and she is convinced I am her only love. I want to break up with her, but I am afraid to do so because she is bipolar and has depression (both professionally diagnosed) and has spent a few weeks in a mental hospital for attempted suicide while we were dating. I am one of her only friends other than her coworkers and possibly one other person who she only really communicates to via texting and I fear if I break up with her she may try to harm or even kill herself. I'm not sure what to do, so thanks in advance for any advice!
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