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  1. I have a male friend that has mental health issues, he can become suicidal and very depressed. We became really close last year (not in a sexual way) he told me he was “falling in love with me”. I was getting feelings for him too but I couldn’t be in a relationship at that point and also I felt like he needed to work on himself more. We stopped talking for about a couple of months, that was my choice as I wanted to get over him. Then we started chatting again about 5 months ago, he told me he met a girl and they are apparently in a relationship but says “my heart still lies with you”. I still have feelings for him and now his girlfriend wants him to stop talking to me. He still does but through a different format rather than call/text. I said to him it’s not fair on your girlfriend and should stop talking. He doesn’t want to. But I think he just likes to talk to me about his problems because he doesn’t have anyone else. He told me he “has hopes we will be together”, I had a go at him and said it was immoral of him to say that to me. He told me he’s not happy with this girl and says he’s with her because it gives him stability. I told him I am not going to be his friend anymore and he said “I’m only talking to you because I feel sorry for you, go get a guy of your own and get out of my hair, you are crazy and unstable”. I got extremely upset but he messaged me today saying he was feeling really low and suicidal. I told him I can’t be friends and he tells me that he really wants me in his life. Is he using me because he’s lonely?
  2. Hey guys, as many of you know, I lost both my parents in 2014. My dad fell, and died from a blood clot in his brain and my mom from lung cancer, or so I thought. A few days ago, my brother told me that my mom's death was not actually due to cancer. Oh she was terminal, in the hospital and it was only a matter of tme, but what happenrd was she told the doctors to disconnect her feeding tube (which was her choice) and she died of starvation. She had told my brother she was in so much pain, did not want to live like that, in so much pain knowing it will only result in death anyway, so asked the doctors to disconnect the tube. She also wanted to be with her sister, my aunt, who had died five years earlier, from cancer. After they disconnected the feeding tube, my dear mum died around a week later. I'm tearing now writing this, I'm not sure how to process this. Would this be considered a form of suicide? I just feel so bad learning this now, almost five years later, my brother assumed I already knew. My mom and I had our issues, but now I just want to give her a big hug and tell her I'm sorry she was in so much pain (physical and emotional) and tell her I love her; tbh I did not do much of that while she was alive. I often feel like dying myself sometimes hoping to embrace both my mom and dad again. Any words of support would be helpful, thnx for listening. :)
  3. How do i start. A friend passed away about a month ago now, some say he committed suicide, some say it’s suspicious. Who knows. And it was hard to accept because life was just starting to look up for him and all... so you know, like why do it right? And that’s when it started. My own attempts were about 20+ years ago. And i guess ever since then it’s been about really trying to move forward and making life better and blah blah blah. And then it hit me. What’s the point? It seems like i fell into a hole of everything is meaningless. All i want is love. People are horrid to each other. Nobody is interested (hole of self- pity as well it appears). The thing that scares me the most is - it’s so easy. It’s so easy to just do something anything to end it all. I don’t want to. But i don’t know what i could do. Crying all over the place, it’s affecting work. Relationships. How have any of you pulled yourself away from that ledge?
  4. I spent a lot of time here a few weeks ago going through the pain of a breakup. I had panic attacks, couldn't sleep, couldn't get the bad feelings out of my head. Wasn't suicidal but had a few suicidal thoughts. To cope I worked out, listen to meditation tapes, dove into my work and hobbies and went on a few random dates. I also went on lexapro. My ex girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 3 months ago (I probably deserved it) and quickly started dating another guy (she already had him on the sidelines from some dating app). I did all the things you're not supposed to do, texts at all hours of the day, long emails, and found numerous ways to spend time with her. I was in agony for about a month and a half. Time will tell, but I seem to have won her over for now. Last week she broke up with the other guy, invited my daughters and I over for dinner, we ended up spending the night and I haven't left. It's been a week. Three months apart and we're now back together like it never happened. Our combined 5 kids are back together and also playing like they were never apart. We're seeing a couples therapist, going on lots of dinner dates, dancing, hiking, kayaking and the sex has been just as good if not better than it ever was in the past. Our biggest issues in the past was arguing about small stuff and letting it ruin the day so we're trying to put that in check. Again I'm just checking in and hopefully I won't have to visit here in a depressed mood ever again. Any advice on limiting stupid arguments would be greatly appreciated. I know I can be argumentative, have some social anxiety, I'm selfish and somewhat passive aggressive, I tell white lies as a people pleaser to try to keep the peace. These are my flaws that I'm working on. Hopefully we will be an example of a relationship that was salvaged and put back together stronger and better than it was before.
  5. Hi all, So a couple weeks ago my ex basically just got her uni friend (a guy) to pick her up and not seen her since. She lost her licence to drink driving. It was a very toxic/coercive control relationship from her. Insulting me, what I wore, saying I have no friends, my family hate me. Would split with me briefly and one time tell me she slept with someone and how he ed her real good. That hurt so bad. She's an alcoholic but doesn't think she is, has depression and bad anxiety. Craves attention from guys. Needs so much love due to not a great childhood. Would threaten to kill herself. Always rung and text asking where I was what I was doing, who I was with etc. You get the picture. Hit me many times. 4-5 weeks ago we were coming home. She starts beating me in the head. I stopped and asked her at least 5 times to get out the car. She wouldn't. I gave her a gentle nudge and she fell to ground. In the panic/stress/worry of what had just happened I drove on and my back wheel went over her left knee. Of course I felt awful. But she's made me out to be some sort of woman beater. Has threatened and blackmailed me with the police about it. And recently has reported it. I was taken to police station which was scary as never been in trouble before. This was nearly two weeks ago now. Not heard anymore. I'm hoping and keeping my fingers crossed I won't. And maybe cause she realises I've got plenty of stuff, with evidence on her. Does anyone have any comforting words. Life been a bit crap lately! Having therapy for this whole ordeal which is helping. Stupidly still miss her loads but apparently that's normal. Were engaged last year. Want to contact her, but I'd hazard a guess that's what she's probably wanting to happen? Thanks, Matt
  6. Good Evening Everyone - Hope you are well. Last August I attempted to commit suicide and I was hospitalized. When this happened my boyfriend was on a family vacation. He spent a lot of money and ended up paying for his whole family which left him broke. When he found out that I had committed suicide, he didn't have the money to come back. But my best friend offered him the money to come back home. He didn't accept my friends help (I'm not sure why) and didn't come back home immediately. Instead he came back a week later with his family. My wounds weren't superficial and I need several stitches in my wrists and I was held for psychiatric evaluation. I'd never expressed how much this hurt me until recently; and my friends and my mother also came forward telling me how much him not returning really bothered them too. When I confronted him about it, he says he didn't know that it was that serious to me or that he should have automatically known to come back. He even swears that I told him he didn't have to. I don't remember saying that. I'm still getting over and dealing with my suicide attempt and this really is upsetting. Am I overreacting? Should I have had to tell him that I needed him to come home? Should I feel bad that he didn't accept my friends help to get him back home? I'm trying to figure out what all of this means to me. I'm very hurt by it. I've lost faith and trust in him. Is something wrong with me? Am I not looking at this the right way?
  7. So a while back, during college, I met the most amazing girl I've ever met. I'm the exact opposite of someone who falls head over heels, but she was different, and I liked her more than any other girl I've ever known. Kind, intelligent, mature, mysterious, attractive... all the good things. She seemed to like me too, but then I started getting mixed signals; sometimes I'd catch her looking at me and she'd blush and look away. Sometimes I'd walk right past her and smile and say hello, and she would turn away and completely blank me. There was one time when I bumped into her and a friend unexpectedly walking around a corner, and she turned right around and walked back in the opposite direction (a complete dead-end) leaving her friend smiling at me. Other times she would smile at me or try to stand close to me. She didn't act like this around other guys (or anyone). She was normally so cool and calm. I was confused, but eventually realised she was just shy, which really took me by surprise (she was way out of my league, and usually I'm the shy one). But anytime I spoke to her one on one she would hardly speak back, and I got more and more confused, and increasingly nervous. But on top of this, I had real turmoil in my life. Throughout that whole semester my dad (a poor father, by his own admission) was threatening suicide and blaming it on me; no one else in my family was in contact with him and the burden fell on me (he never did kill himself, he was being manipulative, and during this time I realised I had to cut him off, which was a hard thing to do). I was working late nights to barely pay my rent in a mold-infested flat, and the college workload was intense. I felt like I was using all my mental, physical and emotional energy just to keep myself afloat, and even though I really liked this girl, dealing with the confusion between us was just more than I could handle at the time. I never asked her out, things trailed off, she moved away, and we didn't speak or see each other again. With time and reflection I recently realised that this silence might have really hurt her feelings (it hurt mine), and I decided to message her happy birthday, which was kind of weird because we hadn't spoken for more than a year and we'd never never spoken online. She sent a nice thank-you message back, but when I asked her what was she up to she never responded. -Did I hurt her feelings? -Is she rejecting me? -Is she still just being shy? -Has she moved on? -Should I move on? -Was it wrong not to ask her out? -What should I do next? Thanks for listening, looking forward to your thoughts and advice. Folkling.
  8. I just joined this forum because I don't know where else to turn. Let me preface by saying that both of us have depression and my partner is suicidal, so please don't continue reading if that is triggering for you. Last night, I hurt my partner when I decided to shower without them. I wrongly assumed that they didn't want to shower with me because we hadn't showered together for the past few days (they were on their period and didn't want to). I knew that they were upset, and asked to shower with them, but the damage had been done and they told me to go shower since I had already gotten ready. After we had showered (separately), they went to go sleep on the couch instead of in the bed. I went to go check on them and they told me that they didn't want to stain the bed, so they were going to sleep on the couch. I was confused, because even though I knew I had upset them, I didn't realize how bad I'd made them feel with that small action. So, I tried to ask them to come sleep in the bed, saying that I didn't want to be alone, which I now know was selfish to say... This morning, I woke up and went back to the couch to check on my partner. They had ended up sleeping there and I slept in the bed. I asked them how they were doing and they said they were fine, but it was obvious they were still upset with me. We went through our typical morning routine, but separately, with me trying to make small talk and them either ignoring me or shrugging their shoulders. I know that they had a good reason to be upset, but at this point, I was starting to feel upset as well... it built up to the point that after a few hours of them evading me trying to talk to them that I broke down crying. They came to me and asked me what was wrong, and it eventually turned to them telling me that I was being childish because I didn't ask them what I had done to hurt them, that I had went about the day as if nothing was wrong, and that I had made them feel like the villain because I kept trying to talk to them and ended up in tears when they didn't. I recognize all of this as manipulative behavior, and I'm regretful that I acted this way... especially because it's a behavior I've done before. After this, I went back to doing homework while they moved to the couch (we were both in the bedroom before, but each doing our separate things). I checked social media and saw that they had posted about being suicidal: tweeting about whether they should kill themself today, about how they wanted to jump off the roof of the apartment complex but didn't only because they didn't want to scar the kids living here. Really concerned, I went to them and asked how they were doing. Still the same evasive, monotone, speech to me and they said they were fine. No matter what I asked they weren't going to talk to me. Later, they changed clothes to go outside and before they were about to go I asked them where they were going. I was extremely concerned because they don't know the area well (they just moved in with me two months ago) and they can't drive. In addition, they were not bringing their phone or the apartment keys and would not tell me where they were going or how long they would be out. I was really scared that they were going to commit suicide and asked if they planned on coming back home. They just shrugged. We sat on the couch for two hours because I blocked the door when they tried to go out... childish and rude maybe, but I was scared they were not going to come back if they left.. I said that they could go if they took their phone at least, or just told me how long they'd be out so I could expect them home. They wouldn't do any of this and this is why we ended up on the couch so long. We talked, but only because I kept asking them questions. This devolved into them telling me I was being really annoying and that I should stop trying to be friendly with them. They told me that they didn't care about me or what I thought, because I didn't care about them. They said we aren't friends, to which I said that we're more than friends, we're partners. They just shrugged. I canceled my therapy appointment because I wanted to stay home and make sure that my partner wouldn't do anything rash to hurt themself. While I was in the bedroom just now typing this, they left the apartment without telling me. True to their word, they didn't take their phone, wallet, keys, or anything. I have no idea where they went or if they're going to be coming home tonight. I think they did take their credit card though, so I'm hoping they only went to the local gas station for some snacks... but I really have no idea. ------------------------------------ I'm so sorry for the long read, but I really don't know what to do. I love my partner and we had planned to be together long-term... we consider each other life partners, but now I don't think they think of me the same way. The problems we've had in the past are very similar to today: where I would hurt them by not considering their feelings in regard to a small action, and then when they wouldn't talk to me I would also become upset and have a breakdown. I know that it's wrong of me to do that... it's hard to keep my feelings neutral, I guess. TL;DR - I hurt my partner to the point of them not even wanting to talk to me or care about me. They're suicidal and now they've left the apartment with no phone, car, or keys. I don't think they will take their life tonight, but I can't be sure. Please help.
  9. Hello I just need some help getting my mind cleared. My girlfriend and I just broke up and left me devastated. I finally said I’ll break up with her since she has been asking for it in a long time now. She’s my dream girl and all I ever wanted. But she’s not growing in the relationship anymore, neither am I. When we’re together we only fought over little things and end up breaking up. This time it’s for good. I just can’t let go of the fact that it’s over. I do not know what to do. I still want her but being together doesn’t help us individually, it’s like we are just destroying each other. I don’t know what to do from here. I’m kind of suicidal and I am trying not to entertain those thoughts because I don’t want to hurt my family.
  10. My boyfriends mum has mental health problems, depression and anxiety, but I personally think she is also manipulative and emotionally blackmailing. My boyfriend (28 years old) and I have only been going out for a year, in that time we have had only one day out together because his mum doesn't let us spend time together expect Wednesday nights. Wednesday is literally the only time we have together after work, 4 hours of alone time before he has to go home as he isn't allowed to stay round mine. I do see him Tuesday evening and can stay round Friday and Saturday night, however we have to sit down stairs with her all those nights until she wants to go to bed otherwise she sulks. Saturday we always have to take her shopping, and Sunday I have to leave the house before 10 because it is "her day". My boyfriend literally has no time for himself never mind time for us, he isn't allowed to do anything he wants. His dad died 14 years ago and he has been picking up the pieces, his siblings do nothing to help and refuse as he put himself in the situation. I completely understand that she has problems, but I'm starting to get fed up of not being able to go into the kitchen to talk to him without her following us. I'm not allowed to kiss him or hug him because she doesn't like it. We can't take photos together without her sulking. We weren't even allowed to spend our 1 year together as it was Sunday and "her day". I literally feel second best all the time, that I'm not important, because if I ever ask to do anything he says no because of his mum but if she wants something he does it. I've gotten to the point where I don't even bother asking to do things anymore as I know it won't happen. He wants things to change but doesn't know how to deal with it as she also threatens to commit suicide if he tries to do anything differently. If any of his siblings say to the mum they are going out she is completely fine with it but if he wants to she screams and cries and wants to kill herself. I want to help him to help us, but I'm so stressed from it all I've lost the will and expect the life we want to never happen. Has anyone dealt with anything similar???
  11. The last few months I've been frustrated with things and had suicidal thoughts. A job didn't work out, my girlfriend and I broke up, I'm in a place by myself with no friends and no family. I've tried to persevere and never ever thought I'd really commit suicide. But the last few days have been really bad. I lost some money and was mad at myself so I hurt myself. I hit myself in the head and choked myself with a belt several times. I'm kind of hurt and distraught. When I get really upset I stay clear of the kitchen, afraid I may pick up a knife in a fit of rage. I'm stuck here looking in the mirror asking myself how I let myself get this far down. I can barely breath, I can barely see....I'm just so sick of everything. I know if I did kill myself my parents would be destroyed. I'm sure some friends would be sad, or surprised. My ex would probably just think I'm a loser but I'm sure she'd feel guilty. The truth is, it's not because of her. It's my business and lack of money. It sucks too, especially because one of my partners is doing so well and I have so much opportunity but I'm wasting it. I don't think I'll kill myself, but I've certainly hurt myself and afraid that if given the chance I'll be dead...
  12. alright, my girlfriend has this little thing, i dont know how to look at it really. she dated this guy for 6 months, then he broke up with her. then she dated this other kid for like 3 months then again, she got dumped. after that one, she started dating me, and we've been dating for 10 months tomorrow. she still talks to her first mentioned boyfriend quite often. he calls her from time to time to see whats up and all this. well, i was at her house once and i stumbled accross an old AIM messenger convesation between them saved on her computer, she said "you dont think i dont think about you EVERY night before i go to bed? you were my first love, i could never forget you!" so before i jumped the gun, i checked the date because i wasnt sure if maybe it was before we met. well, we started dating in january, and this convo happened april. i flipped out. another thing. he works at this kmart up the road from me, when me and my GF go there, and he's working, im not allowed to make a scene to draw attention to us. and one time, she told me to wait in the car so she could go talk to him w/o me around. (so i yelled and waved at them from her car, lol) well, her mom is best friends with his mom and she plays this into her excuse of why she does this. she says that her mom almost forces her to be nice to him because she's scared it would damage her relationship with her mom. and on another note, this kid is boarderline suicidal. she says although she doesnt like him, she doesnt want him to kill himself. i have even seen signs of this depression he's in, and i actually believe it considering what all ive seen. and thus, his mom has also asked her to be nice to him to help him out of his depression. so i dont know, we've been dating for 10 months, it's the longest relationship for either of us, but i still cant get the "i think about you every night and you're my first love" stuff outta my head...im not too upset anymore about it, but when i do thing about it, it always makes me wonder...what do you think?
  13. tomorro erases everything yesterday has gone away no more here and now no more where and when they all wonder how how could this have been never a subtle word everything just hurts and tomorro it all goes away watch the sun rise on my suicide why did i fall so far from god i just hate it all make them go away they say time will change most everything but i just erased the time no more existence of this humble breed watch the sun rise while i bleed inside cutting out my heart and watch the sun rise on my suicide and i will create the endless night -stitches i wrote this a while ago, what do you guys think?
  14. Recently, three days ago, I found out that my uncle had acted on suicide. Right now I am so confused, hurt, angry, disappointed, and lossed all at once. The only thoughts in my mind is the action that he commited over and over again, like its haunting me with torment that will never end, of how he used his rifle to the head. I am so angry at him for giving up, but at the same time wished I could have done something. I realize I can not take blame, and it is only how I feel for the moment. The fact of how he commited the act is what is making me so emotional. I mostly feel sorry for my father, his brother was the only family left that he had and since my Uncle had no children. Me and my brother are the only ones to carry down the line of the family name. It was just a month ago I remember him with us for Thanksgiving break, showing no signs of depressions then, only now by me reading information on suidice that they were there. So much has happened to my family in the past 5 years with my sister that almost died and in critical condition. Miraculously she survived Then my grandmother had a stroke and grandfather passed away. I just needed to express my feelings because I am having a hard time dealing with this. I understand that people who commit suicide feel like they can not go on any longer, and I'm not here to say they are wrong because it's not a choice at the moment.. but they the effect of the family and friends it has on the suicidal person, is the part that seems left out.
  15. I'm planning my own suicide. I guess you could call it a final cry for help. This isn't just about attention. I've been mentally unstable for amonth. I take medication. I have no friends anymore, I've pushed them all away. My family doesn't care. They are too far away to care. I have no one, and I'm really going to do it. I don't know why. I thought I was getting better. But I'm not. And I don't want to suffer this pain anymore.
  16. i just broke up with my girlfriend and now she's been acting completely out of character. she's drinking loads, smoked weed and took panadols. she wants me to stay with her for the night but i'm not sure whether that's the best choice. what shall i do? how can i calm her down? thanks a lot!
  17. There is nothing wrong with my life. I know I can have a bright future, I have wonderful friends and a mostly supportive family. I am relatively smart, not unattractive. There is nothing wrong with me physically. What is wrong with me is mentally. I suffered from depression on and off since i was 15. I had an addiction to self mutilation for a couple of years. And stopped completely when i was 18. (i am now 21) I am in a down faze at the moment. I am dealing with the loss of a 3 yr relationship that could not have gone anywhere. The break up was a month or so ago. It was a good break up and I know that we are not compatible (there was nothing else wrong with the relationship) and is excited for him that he can focus on his career and other aspects of his life. My problem is that everyday I think of ending my life. I try to stop such thoughts by reading articles on battling suicide and watching inspirational movies. But i keep having these unhealthy thoughts. I have been having really vivid thoughts of stabbing myself in the chest. Or overdosing so that there is not much mess. What is hindering me from doing it is because I feel really selfish and cowardly. I do want to die, but at the same time, I want to live for God, for my future, for my loved ones. It is really contradictory but I want to die and live at the same time. I don't want to die in this festive season because I don't want to taint it for my loved ones... I want to be strong, but i am not. Why am i feeling this way? I have so much to be grateful for, yet why do i have suicidal thoughts everyday? It has been going on for 3 weeks and it is messing with my head...
  18. I just moved into this apartment with this georgous girl that goes to my school. She is perfect in every way, personally. the problem is that her on and off again boyfriend lives in the same complex. One night she stormed into the apartment all flustered saying that her "boyfriend" got in a huge fight and got preety violent so she said they "broke up" saying that he was unstable. So we just talked about it for a couple hours supposedly telling me that they fight all the time and he is abusive and possesive, and suicidal. Anyway i got i got trashed one night and i think i might have said some stuff i really regret saying, for instance i think i said i liked her and her boyfriend was p.o.s. and then i blacked out. Since that night she went back to him saying that she felt bad for him because he was drinking and threatening to kill himself because she broke up with him. She stays over at his apartment now and i havent seen her in a week. i dunno what to do because she is a great girl that i have all the respect in the world for and she keeps getting sucked into this bottomless pit of a boyfriend which they fight all the time and threatens to kill himself if she leaves him. What should i do?
  19. Ok, so theres a guy i know who came up to see me last week, for like 2 days after everything was fine then he seemed to go totally off the rails and it was like he didnt wanna care about anyone, then a few days later he said he was sorry, just had stuff to think about etc etc. I went down to see him yesterday, and everything was fine, till i got back home, signed onto msn and started talking to him just to let him know id got home safe, he kinda was a bit upset with me cos i have msn on my mobile phone, but my battery died whenever i kept trying to sign in, so when i got home and got my phone on charge i signed in. Then a few minutes later i just started crying cos i felt really stressed with some university work that is hard and theres loads of it. By this time hed gone out to "clear his head" and then came back a few minutes later and just said that he really didnt care about me, and to prove it, knowing i had feelings for him, he told me he loved me, knowing this was the one thing i wanted to hear from him but i knowing that i knew it was fake. Thing is during the day he was really nice, and said that cos i think im pregnant, he would take care of me and the baby, and thats just what he wud do cos he cares about his friends, so im just totally lost on what this guy wants. He seems to go through the i want to die phase every other day more or less like clockwork. And i just sit through and listen to him telling me how much he wants to kill himself, lets face it, he never does, not in the last month anyway, i ring him in the morning and hes fine, had a good nights sleep and everything. What the hell is he playing at and what the hell do i do? Catie x x x
  20. I hate employers so much. I hate seeing how so many people around me have to barely lift a finger for their first job, and I can't even get THAT. I've tried so many applications, and those corporate slime STILL won't hire me. This puts my mom into a schema that I don't WANT to work... now she wants me to go to fast food and work there... but if I do that, I'll be humiliated to the point where I'll commit suicide. This blows. "Fair and Equal employment" my hind. What a lie. This convinces me that 1984 really IS happening in this society; that's a clear-cut example of newspeak, and it's GREAT for weeding out the bad seed and ridding of the smelling salts. Fair and Equal only to those who have had at least 2 jobs or knows someone in the company, that's what. Who cares if what I say is "negative" and "you musn't talk about those things, only think happy thoughts blah blah blah" WELL EASY FOR YOU SPOILED IGNORAMUSES TO SAY, BECAUSE YOU CAN AT LEAST GET EMPLOYED!!! I know nobody ever agrees with me anyways, and they probably don't care as long as they have a sense of security, so whatever. I'm about as expendable as a McDonalds employee, so I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I frequently hit myself in the face and neck as hard as I can because I hate what I've become. This whole world is gonna end soon... I can see it now... at least my world is.
  21. Iv entitled this topic 'Why?' becuase im completely confused at the moment my GF dumped me yesterday becuase i said a few simple words. we were talking about marriage and i started singing 'here comes the bride large fat and wide' ...and she thought i meant herself which i didnt becuase i would never think that. I keep thinking she takes stuff like too seriosly but when i tried talking to her about it, she pushes me away and cant be bothered I honestly dont know what to do ... its causing my depression to come back aswell which isnt good. i keep getting suicidal feelings.
  22. Hey guys, You were great for other advice and support I needed, so I figured I'd come here for this too. A good friend of mine tried to kill himself last night. He slashed his wrists and was found unconscious by his brother in their apartment. He was taken by ambulance to a hospital ER and had a blood transfusion and tons of stitches... I'm not sure if he's still in the ER or if they've admitted him. I can't see him, only his friends and family can. I had NO idea whatsoever that he was depressed, let alone suicidal. This is bringing back some bad memories... five years ago my best friend in the whole world committed suicide after learning he was HIV positive (slept with a lot of women with no protection...) I KNEW he was depressed but when he started to feel a bit better, I felt better... and then one night he called me when he knew I wouldn't be home, left a long goodbye message for me on my answering machine, and then shot himself in the head. I have never gotten over it. I still think about him every day and the "What Ifs" continue to haunt me. So many times, I have wished he were around for things that have happened: the birth of my son, college graduation, just... everything.. So back to the present... I feel like the lousiest friend in the world for not even knowing that my friend was depressed, let alone suicidal.. I have NO idea what I'd be like right now if he had succeeded, which he came thisclose to doing.. I mean, I've struggled with depression, and I know what it's like.. so why didn't he talk to me about it? Why did I miss those signs?? I am just feeling like a horrible person right now and I can't stop thinking about it :sad:
  23. Dead Why do people die? Well why dad did you end your life? no one heals with losing a loved one ever Murder You murder yourself You murder me aswell dad You didnt even care about family did you? Lost Is what i am But trying to find myself And will be found one day Sad Is what everyone feels But do smile again Saddness isnt forever Love Is what i feel for you Most people feel it But some even die without knowing what it is Brave Everyone has to be brave Even if it hurt, some have to be brave for loved ones Some are just born brave Hope Is what everyone needs time to time Without it, you couldnt be happy Have hope for me as well as yourself Goodbye Sad word of course But has to be said, for you to heal Say goodbye Life Well it is a mess But life has its up aswell Life is what you only get one shot at Suicide I cant tell you not to But what a shame Couse next year was your year
  24. I don't understand how so many people have had multiple 'suicide attempts' but never managed to kill themselves? Are they really honest attempts, or instead cries for help? Or is the human body hardier than most people anticipate? Just curious to know the reasons behind this.
  25. Well I wouldn't really say I am suicidal. I am however, unbearably, unhappy with my life, and my self. I've never felt so unworthy in my life, and it hurts so much. I would never have the guts to kill my self, but I wish every single day I died in my car accident. I don't wanna feel like this, and I hate talking to people because I hate being judged, or told what's right for me, if I don't know, how should anybody else? I am tired of constantly crying my self to sleep, and not wanting to get out of bed every day. And I don't know how to deal with it.
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