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About Me

  1. I was cut off by my family. I posted about the situation on other threads. In short: my family (mainly my mother) doesnt want me around. However I'm coping with a sexual assault and I want someone around but that isnt a realistic desire for my situation. I am struggling with this SEVERELY. And although I'm getting help I still go home to an empty apartment and I'm craving love. That mindset is placing me in a position where I'm itching to contact family even though I was told not to make contact. I spend 60% of my life fighting the urge to reach out even though I'm not supposed to.
  2. Last week my husband went to an energy healer because he's been suffering for many years. I told the healer that the solution will lie with both of us and he gave us one piece of information that opened floodgates that I can't close. He offered to read our fortunes based on the moment and location of birth. He came back to me with "I see you don't feel safe in this world." He also said that he couldn't read my fortune that he needed to consult with someone more experienced. I figured that out, since I never go anywhere and can't make friends. But now, I feel like my whole life is a mist
  3. Over the past year, my drinking has taken a turn for the worse. Over the last few weekends I have got absolutely black out drunk. I have humiliated myself beyond belief, I have drank so much I have done awful things. I have stranger texting me asking me if i was okay because 'I was bad' the night before. This past weekend I did it again, I have absolutely no recollection and I am honestly so so scared of what I did, what I said, I really don't know what to do. I am so humiliated and this isn't the first time, I ended up in hospital after feeling so suicidal and embarrassed after substance abu
  4. Good Evening Everyone - Hope you are well. Last August I attempted to commit suicide and I was hospitalized. When this happened my boyfriend was on a family vacation. He spent a lot of money and ended up paying for his whole family which left him broke. When he found out that I had committed suicide, he didn't have the money to come back. But my best friend offered him the money to come back home. He didn't accept my friends help (I'm not sure why) and didn't come back home immediately. Instead he came back a week later with his family. My wounds weren't superficial and I need several
  5. Hey guys, as many of you know, I lost both my parents in 2014. My dad fell, and died from a blood clot in his brain and my mom from lung cancer, or so I thought. A few days ago, my brother told me that my mom's death was not actually due to cancer. Oh she was terminal, in the hospital and it was only a matter of tme, but what happenrd was she told the doctors to disconnect her feeding tube (which was her choice) and she died of starvation. She had told my brother she was in so much pain, did not want to live like that, in so much pain knowing it will only result in death anyway, s
  6. So a while back, during college, I met the most amazing girl I've ever met. I'm the exact opposite of someone who falls head over heels, but she was different, and I liked her more than any other girl I've ever known. Kind, intelligent, mature, mysterious, attractive... all the good things. She seemed to like me too, but then I started getting mixed signals; sometimes I'd catch her looking at me and she'd blush and look away. Sometimes I'd walk right past her and smile and say hello, and she would turn away and completely blank me. There was one time when I bumped into her and a friend unex
  7. How do i start. A friend passed away about a month ago now, some say he committed suicide, some say it’s suspicious. Who knows. And it was hard to accept because life was just starting to look up for him and all... so you know, like why do it right? And that’s when it started. My own attempts were about 20+ years ago. And i guess ever since then it’s been about really trying to move forward and making life better and blah blah blah. And then it hit me. What’s the point? It seems like i fell into a hole of everything is meaningless. All i want is love. People are horrid to each other. Nobo
  8. I spent a lot of time here a few weeks ago going through the pain of a breakup. I had panic attacks, couldn't sleep, couldn't get the bad feelings out of my head. Wasn't suicidal but had a few suicidal thoughts. To cope I worked out, listen to meditation tapes, dove into my work and hobbies and went on a few random dates. I also went on lexapro. My ex girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 3 months ago (I probably deserved it) and quickly started dating another guy (she already had him on the sidelines from some dating app). I did all the things you're not supposed to do, tex
  9. I have a male friend that has mental health issues, he can become suicidal and very depressed. We became really close last year (not in a sexual way) he told me he was “falling in love with me”. I was getting feelings for him too but I couldn’t be in a relationship at that point and also I felt like he needed to work on himself more. We stopped talking for about a couple of months, that was my choice as I wanted to get over him. Then we started chatting again about 5 months ago, he told me he met a girl and they are apparently in a relationship but says “my heart still lies with you”. I still
  10. Hi all, So a couple weeks ago my ex basically just got her uni friend (a guy) to pick her up and not seen her since. She lost her licence to drink driving. It was a very toxic/coercive control relationship from her. Insulting me, what I wore, saying I have no friends, my family hate me. Would split with me briefly and one time tell me she slept with someone and how he ed her real good. That hurt so bad. She's an alcoholic but doesn't think she is, has depression and bad anxiety. Craves attention from guys. Needs so much love due to not a great childhood. Would threaten to kill herself. A
  11. Basically I'm a 19 year old, 25 weeks pregnant and I have recently found out that my boyfriend has been talking to people on snapchat about killing himself. I have been with this guy for nearly a year and a half, we're living together and have baby on the way. He's hidden it from me for months and im struggling to get my head round if he is actually taking to people on there about killing himself or he's cheating on me by talking to other girls. I've asked him a few times to go onto snaochat and show me just so I can get my head straight and I can help him accordingly but I can't shake the fee
  12. My boyfriend used to be suicidal. He did many things to hurt himself. He burned his hand on the electric stove; he jumped from our loft onto hardwood floors beneath; he's stabbed his hands; he's walked on broken glass. His suicidal tendencies are part of why I am still with him today; he used to try to jump out our 8th floor window whenever I brought up breaking up. About four years ago, he told me that he would kill himself. He went to get the kitchen knife. I took him seriously; I called 911. The cops came and placed him in a mental institute. I didn't know that would happen; I fel
  13. Well, I could just as well post this in the suicide section, but I guess it's a friends issue really. After the year I've had, what with my gf of 10 years leaving in February, I hoped that would most likely be my only major incident of the year and I could move on to sunnier pastures. I have a friend who I used to work with many years ago, back then he was a very funny vibrant person who was a hoot to be around. Though he had a long term partner and kids, he used to be a bit flirty at parties etc, but we all thought it was nothing serious and rather harmless. Just over a decade ago, he move
  14. I really don't know what to do anymore. A few months ago I had my ex committed because he was making imminent threats of suicide. Since then I have tried to be there as a support, but whenever anything goes wrong for him it sets off all kinds of suicidal thoughts for him. It's so scary to hear them and sad to hear the hopelessness. In the past few weeks I feel like I am starting to lose my ability to cope. I feel very depressed now and hopeless in my own way (that this situation will ever change). I'm so scared of losing him and so sad that this is all happening. I really don't know wha
  15. My name is Donald. Yeah, like the stupid racist precandidate in the USA. Anyways, I hate my life. I hate everyone around me. I hate the place where I live. I hate humanity as a whole. I hate everything and feel like everything hates me. I see no reason to continue waking up. But I am too lazy to actually end my life. I guess that's good, it prevents me from doing something many people would consider stupid. But it just makes the pain last longer and more unbearable. I feel miserable. I want help, I know I need it. But I see no point in going with a psychologist or whatever. I don't even know w
  16. I posted in the breaking up section about the difficult breakup that I'm going through, under difficult break up. I really just want to end it. I'm waiting to start feeling better but I'm not, every day is getting worse. I feel like I'm sinking deeper into depression. I have a gp appointment next week but I don't think I'm going to survive to them. I'm scaring myself by how much I want to kill myself. The other day I wrote suicide notes but I was looking after my dog for my parents so I didn't want to leave her alone, that stopped me doing it. I've been researching online the easie
  17. This has probably been discussed before on this forum (and if not, then certainly elsewhere on the interwebs), but I am too lazy to search... I am almost 30 and haven't really had much social interaction all through high school until now, nor have I done much research on this and related topics. The topic that I wish to gain enlightenment in is this: Why do people who "have more money than God" sometimes commit suicide? Over the years we have heard of many celebs commit suicide or die of drug overdoses (which in some ways may be a form of suicide since the risk of dying form that is a
  18. Right a bit of an update, got another message about getting them out, (my boobs) I ignored it, another about the present I got him, got another message about ignoring and I said sorry I was busy but I don't send pictures like that to people I'm not with, and also he had a girl friend he said it was ok they weren't exclusive yet. I ignored him he told me his friend killed himself I was knocked off and asked him if he needed anything or for me to be there after the wake I would he just said no I was seeing someone and the only thing that could help. He has me freaking out and worried about h
  19. About 2/3 weeks ago, I really felt like doing it. I was physically, as well as emotionally, low and I think one caused the other but I'm not sure what came first. I have a lot of background issues that have made me feel suicidal from time to time but sometimes I feel worse than others. Quite often the trigger is obvious, like a row with my Mrs or not enough sleep. Sometimes, it is not obvious. I worry that when I get really depressed I might just do it on impulse, although I'm not generally an impulsive person. Anyone had similar experiences or is it just me?
  20. How do I console and stand by my man as he is experiencing a major tragedy? The love of my life recently shared that his oldest son was charged with murder (dui). I value my partner & want to be there for him in the best way that I can (long distance relationship) throughout this tough time in his life. We rely on one another for emotional support in every aspects of our lives & are very much connected. I have never been so open or honest with anyone in my entire life. A couple of weeks ago my grandmother tried committing suicide and he was the only person there for me. It is ve
  21. Hello, I really, really need help with this one. Any advice would be appreciated. I was in a relationship for over a year with a man who has mental illness, a very bad temper, and alcoholism. He was extremely verbally abusive when mad and I spent much of the relationship in tears. He wasn't a typical abuser in that he felt bad afterwards or try to shower me with gifts. He rarely apologized and blamed it on his mental illness. He legitimately has mental illness (he is 39, never has had a job, has been homeless, and has lived in mental institutions). I fell in love with him (before he reveale
  22. I have a thread going detailing my situation, but I thought it was time to do some journaling, and since my hand cramps up after a page of writing, I'll use this lovely space for that purpose. Quick Details: - 30-year-old guy - Dated girl for three years - She has two young children (I met them when they were 1 and 3) - The relationship was filled with obstacles and was lacking in many ways - The father of the children suffered from depression and bipolar; his behavior and actions led to her ending it with him a few months before I met her - We moved in together after 1.5 years of d
  23. I don't expect anyone to care, I wouldn't be surprised if the first reply to this was an insult but I don't know where else to go for answers. Life for me right now is "normal", I am currently awaiting my results from school so I can get into college but from what I have experienced in my life, it's going to drive me to the point of suicide, I am not suicidal right now but I really feel like life is going to get much worse, throughout half of my school life I was constantly bullied because of my hair colour, the other half improved greatly but a mental scare still remains. Now that I hav
  24. I've been suicidal quite a few times, recently earlier this year after a devastating loss, and it's something I've struggled with far too much. Speaking perfectly honest, I get this pang of fear whenever I read the post here on ENA about a person on the brink of doing just that. I don't judge and I do understand the appeal of wanting all the loneliness and fear and pain to go away...but it cuts me deeply when I realize that some people are suffering alone and have been for so long. Words of encouragement here on ENA and elsewhere are great-they've helped me-but I know they can only go so f
  25. So I've been dating this girl for almost 3 years now. We met when we were 16 (now 19) and up until recently our relationship has been great. However, about a month ago she was at a party which I wasn't at and she was raped by two guys. She didn't tell me at first (she told me she got away originally) but about a week after she told me what really happened. I went with her and had her tested for pregnancy and stds and luckily she was all clear. It was really hard on her but she was doing really well. When we were together she seemed almost normal. When we talked on the phone or texted she was u
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