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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. Do you have book passages, quotes, poems that left their mark on you, speak to you, do you perhaps even use them as a mantra or orientation in life? Perhaps you just..like them? Well, I have tons and tons and I never seem to get enough and have the same curiosity drive me in the inquiry about yours as some women have for "what's in your handbag" pins. It's an obsession of mine almost. If you have bits of literature you'd like to share I bet some of us bookworms would love to read them. If possible, try to add the authors name or a book title for those who might be interested in reading more. Happy posting- and reading
  2. I am working on a personal statement and most that I've seen (for my field at least) start off the introduction with an anecdote, written in narrative style, or a metaphor, and the first few sentences are captivating and poetic and beautiful and interesting. I need my introduction to be beautiful and draw the readers curiosity. I will paste my introduction and I hope some of you have some ideas on how to rephrase to make it start off better. I should probably explain what the topic is. My essay is going to show how I have different aspects to my personality and different perspectives. The introduction talks about Georgia O'Keefe's patio door paintings. It is the same door but she painted it over and over with a different perspective every time, and in each painting it looks completely different. I am relating this to myself, in that I have many different perspectives and aspects to me which seem completely different but I remain the same person. The door remains the same. But it looks as if it takes on an avatar in each painting. The door is dynamic. I looked at the large wall filled with paintings. They all featured the same subject, a black patio door. It was a subject of fascination and almost obsession for Georgia O'Keefe, who painted that door almost 30 times. These paintings are considered less inspired by some critics, who note their repetitiveness, yet they are, in fact, quite fascinating. O'Keefe painted the patio door with a different perspective in each painting, causing it to look different every time. This insight in perspective, the many perspectives, is very much like the way I think of myself. Thank you
  3. Daydreams daydreams Why am I smoking so much? Because it’s like forgetting. Numbing. Clearing my mind, filling my lungs. I just want to breath you in, it’s an obsession I can’t quite grasp or shake. It makes no sense. 
 Quiet calm collected- externally
 Cold shaken resented - internally 
 Explore- I want to. 
Answers- I need to. 
 Questions I can’t quite put together. 
 Crave craze cure
 Is it all insane or am I?! For wanting it this bad and needing you like it’s all I have. Every opportunity flashed like a disk, erased in a brisk bittersweet motion. All these notions Feel like potions I’ve been poisoned. I need this more than you know. Just to know, So you know, I don’t really know Why.
  4. I have chosen to live... that, I do not regret. Though I shall never forgive... for I can never forget. My dreams have unfurled... I've grown sick of the clashes. As you burned down my world... and then rose from the ashes. Hope is lost as pain is wrought... obsession is infernal. Love is but a passing thought... hatred is eternal. For emotional theft... can bring life to its border. And then all that is left... is just Chaos and Order. *Whatever meaning you find in this is up to you, although it personally deals with a specific series of events in my life which have taken their toll on how I perceive this world.*
  5. i feel like now im in misery,and some strange reason i think about him more now than i did then i have been out,kept busy,all the things suggested but it doesnt seem to be going,the hurt,the pain.. sometimes i still cant believe he did this to me,but he did,some days im angry at him but mostly i would give anything to be the way we were then i look at myself and think impathetic,,,now im not sure if its an obsession,maybe maybe not,, all i know is i still love the man and miss him,the things we did,etc.. i know what your all thinking..he cheated on you left you for another woman,and you know her... i know all this, i know im an intelligent woman, i just feel now that i will never meet anyone and at this moment i dont wish to, the loneliness is a killer,coming home to an empty house after a day at work,having no one to share your thoughts feelings with,, no one to give u a hug and say everythings ok my life is still the same, but these last few months have past in a blur,i still wake every morning thinking of him just ranting thanks for reading
  6. I really need to stop feeling this way, I cant stop thinking about her. We are in a LDR and I just saw her this weekend and it went great and she is coming up to visit in a couple weeks but I miss her so much already. I seriously need to calm down, the relationship is fairly new, a little over two months. What can I do to stop obsessing, I dont want to keep calling her, shes busy with school as am I but I cant get my mind off her. Any ideas? I'm just worried that I will scare her away.
  7. hey there. i wanted to take a random survey and ask what you think your turning point was in getting over your ex, if there was one. what was the day, or week, or month, that you really felt like getting on with life and getting past the breakup? that you started to resume life as normal and stopped obsessing, etc.? that you wanted to meet and date other people? and when did it happen? looking to be inspired...thanks.
  8. hi, i'm brand new to this site... found it on the web searching for advice/similar thoughts on my problem. my question is just about friendship... not about a relationship that might turn into something more. i seem to have this recurring theme in some of my closest friendships that i invest too much in the other person. my fear is that it's almost to the point of obsession. i tend to see in the other person qualities that i want to have, and basically put that person on a pedestal. in a past relationship of this nature, i had my heart broken when the other person broke off the friendship. many details to this, which i won't even start to describe. i'm writing now because i see a similar pattern happening in a new friendship. someone who i admire a great deal, and we've become good friends. my fears boil down to these: 1) being annoying by contacting her too much, and 2) i tend to be very generous... giving little things which seem insignificant. and i think this has something to do with being afraid to voice my feelings, so instead i give gifts. there are many types of love (classically i think 4 are thought to represent the main types of love), and one way i've "justified" this character flaw is that my sense of friendship-love is just overly strong. like, for some reason i value friends much more than having a boyfriend. (i'm single and would love to fall in love... just hasn't happened yet.) i'm just so afraid that i'll mess this friendship up by being annoying, or being "too much." and it's not like i'm stalking or anything... it's just that, i always have this war in my head when i think about calling or whatever. like... asking myself if it's okay, or whether i'm going overboard. and having to think like this is what worries me...... why can't i just see what is normal and what is obsessive?? and just fyi, i actually have a great friend right now who i'm not "obsessed" with... we're like best friends. and i don't really know why things worked out with her just fine... except that i don't really put her on a pedestal. anyway... if you have any thoughts, i'd appreciate them. thanks for reading.
  9. Depression has settled in. Going on 2 weeks of NC. We were together 2 years. The depression seems to be helping to wipe out some-but not all of the obsession. It looks and feels like a grey, colorless world. I still cling to her last words to me-"I love you too." And her saying she might be open to a reconcilitation-but couldn't say when. Tried to call a girl I met once about a year ago-but she didn't pick up. Probably a good thing in my condition.
  10. I'm considering the possibility of moving to another country when I get out of high school or college. The question is, are there any places in the world left that hasn't come under the iron grip of consumerism, rigid social structures and detachment from the most important things in life? Where people really connect to one another, no-holds-barred? Where people aren't obsessed with science and the next technological advancement? Where people aren't obsessed with purgatory and 'the hell that awaits you' if you refuse to live strictly by some religious text? I doubt there are really places like this, but I know there must be countries that come closer to this than others.
  11. Why do I put myself through this...i sit here and stare at her myspace, and search through all her friends seeing who she comments, i even deleted mine to keep from being tempted, but i just look anyways...gah. On top of the fact that i cant sleep and i am fighting the urge to call her...needless to say its a bad night Why cant she just help me out and unblock me from msn...then i could simply sign off and know she still thinks about me...instead she is going about business like i was never there...only day 5 of NC though...if she cracks it wont be for a while...i hope she does before i do...bleh. Ill post a new thread tomorrow with some of our conversation that will explain why i am holding on instead of erasing her. I also think she may see my posts on here, so it could fuel her ability to keep away from me...just a feeling, she isnt too smart, but i told her about it and how it helped me the first time we split because she was dealing with some problems and i told her it was a good site.
  12. I have loved with passion and obsession Someone whom I can’t live without I didn’t start with her, neither will I end with? I had fallen head over heels Love like crazy and whom love me back the same way Did I find her? Forget my head and forget my heart. I’m not hearing any. I have run the risk, got hurt, and came back. The truth is there is no sense living your life without this To make the journey and fall deeply in love Well, you haven’t lived a life at all, if you have not to try I have tried, but I haven’t lived.
  13. My HIV results came back negative...The test was, according to the counselor, definitive since my encounter occurred 6 months ago. I am really happy about it because I worried myself nearly to death about it for 6 months... Me and this person I used to like got into some heavy kissing, and then he went down on me. I used a condom but it popped midway through. So, being the diagnosed hypochondriac that I am, it freaked me the hell out. I went to all the websites and called loads of counselors; and they all told me that it was all low to no risk for STD's...But I still obsessed over it. So I decided to just get tested... Anyway, I did the OraSure rapid test(FDA approved) and I'm negative. But they also gave me a free Herpes/Syphillis test, because you CAN contract those from heavy making out... I just wanted to let everyone out there, that might be worrying about STD's and STI's, know that you can empower yourself by being proactive...Get tested if you aren't 100% sure. I know it was driving me nuts, and I wasn't even involved in high risk activity. And use protection too.
  14. Where to begin? i guess i need somewhere to vent, in a way. I'm in age gap because, well there is an age gap. I'm 22, and the man i love is in his 50's. I know alot of you are probely going "omg, yuck". but its not that like that. I've known him since i was about 15 as a friend of my father, and these feelings surfaced after i had my son with my boyfriend *whom i'm still with*. Up until then i'd never had any romantic feelings about them, then one day i looked at him and it hit me. Over the past year and a half, i'm come to love him and theres absoutly no way to tell him. It would tear apart my family, his life, everything. He lives with his girlfriend, and truly believe i hate it. I'm jealous of her to be honest. I see him roughly every 1 or 2 weeks at a social gathering, and all i can do is think of how i just want him to hold me close just one time....... It has ruined my personal life with my bf, I no longer want to be intimate with him because all i can think about is this other man. At times i get the feeling he as some type of feelings for me, whether it be sexual or not, but other times he seems completely cold with me. Is thereo te really any way to tell him? i keep having this image of me telling him, and he laughs because he thinks i'm joking, then gives me this big speech on how it would never work. any comments would be greatly appreciated. thank you!
  15. i'm feeling so down right now. my bf emigrated a year ago and i've always been unhappy about bits of my body but could hide and forget about them better in england. i know i'm not fat i'm 5ft 10 and 58kg so if i try and talk to anyone it's just weird. i imagine they think i'm looking for a compliment but that is definitely not the case. i've had sexual problems in a relationship which i think increased my obsessive study of my bad bits. i left england 2 months after my partner and so took the opportunity whilst alone to have surgery on my private parts to make them clean and look, what in my mind is normal. i didn't tell anyone and it was a really humiliating embaressing thing. i still have so many problems now and i wondered if anyone else felt like this; i run everyday and weight train but i feel like my thighs are just wobbly bits of fat on the insides of my legs. they suddenly just baloon to 1.5 inches fatter than the lower bit of the top of my legs. it's getting to the time of year to start going to the beach and i cant face putting a bikini on and walking to the sea especially when there are gorgeous girls on the beach. my arms are big at the tops. i have freckles on my arms, my bum is flat and just hangs there it's just disgusting. i just want to feel good about myself again but i dont have any money of my own to go about getting surgery and my bf just thinks i'm a moaning idiot. i cant stand the idea of getting old and never having enjoyed or liked my body. i just dont feel like a girl, when i look in the mirror i just see a mess. any ideas on how to get rid of these awful things.
  16. Hello all. I am posting the same thing again. For those of you that don't know, I am almost two years into a breakup and cannot stop thinking about the same things over and over. It has become my daily, and sometimes my hourly, obsession. Last night I woke up and had to use the bathroom. The minute I got up my mind started racing with thoughts of my ex and his present girlfriend, with another part of my brain trying desperately to squash the thoughts so I would be able to get back to sleep. Of course, I was then awake until it was light out. I am ashamed that this is still stuck in my brain. I know that I have the tendency to obsess and overanalyze in general, but I have a pretty good handle on it for most other things in my life. The things that help me are all good things, like spending time with others or doing activities that I like and that keep my mind focused, or even thinking about events/trips I have coming up. But those times when I am just riding the bus, or lying in bed at night, I cannot seem to stop with the obsessing. I absolutely despise that I do this and I try not to discuss it with people that I know, because I think they might really think I'm nuts. If anyone could post here and tell me any tricks they have to shut the thoughts off, or anything inspirational, I would love to hear it. I am well past the point, in my opinion, that I should be even thinking about this. He has clearly moved on. Why the hell can't I?
  17. Hello all, It has been a while, i am doing better than before but i am having very hard time this evening. I miss him so much. He is long gone, he is with his new love and i will never have him back. i miss him, i love him and i will always love him. I am so frustrated with myself that why can't i let him go? Why can't i forget him. i want to hold him so badly. I want to see him. i want to let him know that i love him so much. Why i act like this? how can i stop obsessing about him, how?? someone please tell me. i know all the right things, But why God made me so emotional, why? Why?
  18. Hi all, I'm looking for some advice on how to improve my self-confidence. I went through a break-up last year that utterly devastated me but as i look back now on the relationship, although i love my ex-boyfriend and miss him terribly, i can see that he has drained my confidence in the years we spent together. He has a lot of female friends and i made myself very miserable thinking that they were better than me - jealousy became a huge issue for me and i began to despise myself. I would buy clothes like his girl friends and try to be like them, anything to get the attention i so craved from him - i have totally forgotten who i actually want to be as i am so obsessed with one of his female friends.....this is a situation i feel it is imperative i sort out. We eventually split up after he cheated on me which compounded how low i feel about myself. It has been a year now and i still feel so sad and worthless. Please can anyone give me any tips on how to improve the way you view and think about yourself. I despise the way i look, i cringe at things i say, i obsess about girls i think are better than me - thinner, prettier etc....this self-loathing is so destructive....im 22 and i really need to grow out of this self-pitying and shallow frame of mind. I've been travelling this year, done voluntary work in Nepal, am learning a new language and going to the gym, spending time with old friends etc I feel ive tried hard but none of the usual things seem to have made much difference so if anyone has any other ideas please let me know....
  19. Ok… so. Let me tell you the situation. Last Tuesday, my school had a orientation. It's pretty pointless, but anyway, it is a week before the real school year starts. The teachers go over the rules… yada yada yada. BTW I'm gona be a Senior. Some of the student's mothers help up at the school as teachers, so that the tuition won't be so damn expensive. So, this girl's mom works up there, and so does mine. Her name is Terra, and she is gona be a Senior aswell. Anyway, back in our sophomore year, I was crazy about her. I was too shy to talk to her though, and she was real outgoing, and very flirtatious. But not with me, cuz I was too shy to come out and joke with her, and when I did, I was like completely serious and not very funny. So, ya, I really got hurt. Once, I drew her a picture of the Nutcracker, cuz she was in it. I thought if I did this kinda stuff, she would notice me. But when I gave it to her, she just said thanks, and that was that. It didn't work. Finally, I just forced her out of my mind. It was hard, but I did it. I tried to avoid her and not think about her. Anyway, Junior year comes up, and I've matured a lot over the summer. As the year went on, I found it easier to talk to her, because I wasn't obsessed with her. But, still I didn't talk to her that much, although it was a lot more than the previous year. That year ended. And, so, now we are back at the beginning of my story: my Senior year orientation. As my mom and I are leaving, she sees me, and tells me that she was cleaning up her room when she found that nutcracker picture. She says that it is very good, asks me if I'm an artist, and stuff. I kinda act like I don't quite remember what she was talking about, cuz to me, my sophomore year was very embarrassing cuz I was so immature. Anyway, she asks me if I could sign it, cuz she wanted to give it to her dance teacher so that it would be the cover picture for the Nutcracker play she was going to do this year. I say sure, flabbergasted that she would even think about doing that… (but of course I don't show my surprise to her). She asks me if I was going to be at school tomorrow, since all the teachers had to be at school to get the school ready for the year. I say maby, and then we say bye. So, of course I end up going the next day. From the beginning of that day's moring when we got there, to around 3 pm, Terra and I are talking, and stuff. Now keep in mind that her and me were the only students there, so I don't really know if she was talking to me cuz I was the only one to talk to, or because she really enjoyed my company. Although she forgot to bring the picture, I didn't really care cuz I was so glad to actually talk with her. I found out that she likes scary movies (seems like all girls do), and I told her that I usually wimp out on them, which is kinda funny. Anyway, at the end of the day, I ask her if she is gona be at school the next day. She says ya, and I tell her me too. That night, I look at the scary movies that are out, and start thinking about something. I started thinking that I should ask her if she wanted to see a scary movie with me, just as friends. I decide that that is what I'm gona do. So, that next morning at our school, I walk in, and say hey to her. She says hey back, but right off the bat, I sense that something is different about her today. She seems like she's pissed about something. Not knowing what to do, and not asking, I ask my teachers if they need any help, and they keep me busy for the rest of the day. I over hear her talking on her cell phone a lot. I start wonderin why she dosen't want to talk to me, but I keep that question buried, not daring to let it out. Anyway, around noon, I find out that she has left the school without even sayin bye. So, bottom line is, I never get to ask her about the movie, and now I am kinda wondering what that day ment towards me if anything. But, as of now, I have a plan B. When she finally asks me to sign that picture, I will, but then I'm gona ask her about the movie. But, that causes two problems that could happen. First off, if she says no, I'll be all bummed. Second off, if she says ya, and we end up going to the movie, I'm afraid that I am going to become obsessed with her again, and that I will ruin everything. The second possibility scares me more though, cuz I don't know how I'm gona be able to control it. Sorry that it took me so long to get this question out, but what should I do? Thanks.
  20. Hello. I came here because I can't talk about this with anyone in real life, I'd appreciate any replies. Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense, I'm just going to say it as it comes out. About 2-3 months ago, around when summer was beginning, I started to hang out a lot with this girl. At first I was very shy, then after a few weeks I considered her my best friend. I thought, and still do think that she is the most beautiful girl. We'd hang out everyday for several weeks and became really close. At first I saw her as a girl that was extremely beautiful and I'd never be able to get her. I started to like her more than a friend, I wanted her so bad. The problem is, she's dating my best guy friend. I am a very private person, I don't talk about things, I just hold them in. The past month we quit seeing eachother so much, now we hang out every week or so. I don't want to sound weird, but I think I was obsessed with her at a point. Everything she did, I thought was cute or funny. When she, or other people thought she looked like I thought she looked amazing. If I wasn't with her I'd feel sad. I would wake up in the morning thinking/wishing she was with me. I'd dream about her almost everynight. Then recently when we stopped hanging out so much, my feelings started to fade. This next part will probably sound silly to most people, but she made a myspace, and I'm not even on her top friends. I considered her one of my best friends, and she doesn't even put me on her top 12. So yeah, that probably sounds ridiculous to most people, but in my situation it is really frustrating. I have these strong feelings for this girl, and I'm pretty sure the most she sees me as is a friend. Anyways, I basically told myself I'm never gonna be able to get this girl, and I should try and move on. It's so hard because everytime I see her I wish we were a couple. Oh yeah, and I'll add that when I was in my 'obsessed state' we'll call it, I didn't see any negative qualities of her. Now that we don't see eachother as much, whenever we do, I notice them. She a lot! The way I feel right now is very confused, frustrated, sad, and angry. To top off all of this, my classes start in 2 days, summer is over, I lost $100 in poker. Disregard that last sentence though, that was off topic. So anyways, I've had all of this inside of me, and i haven't told anyone how I feel. A lot of this probably doesn't make sense, and maybe it shouldn't, it's just me expressing how I feel. I'm not really expecting any replies, but I really would appreciate them. Thanks for listening.
  21. ok so me and my gf broke up after 1 year of being together 2 weeks ago. Now 2 weeks later she said i had growing up to do. I am 21 and this is was my first serious relationship. Personally I can handle a lot of things by myself and do not rely on anyone. The only problem I see is that when i get a girlfriend i become attached and obsessed. This is the only thing I can see and my friends tell me they see the same thing. Im not trying to get my gf back because apparently i have a lot of work to do on myself. Also how could i improve myself so i do not become obsessed or attached to my next girlfriend whenever that may be? Also doesnt everyone have to grow up in one way or another. I mean my gf wasnt perfect and i feel she has more growing up to do then me. So i dont think it is fair to tell someone they have growing up to do when everyone in reality has to grow up in some category in one way or another?
  22. Having been anorexic at approximately 14-16 years of age, then force-fed/forced to recover by my parents, I was "alright" for awhile (still food/body obsessed, but had no scales in house etc..), but then I started binge eating at least.... 5 times a week? when I was 17. I'm 18.5 now, and until last week it was getting to the point where, as well as too much exercise, I was starting to make myself sick as well. To be clear, my weight has stayed the same at a healthy 140lbs/BMI 21 since I started bingeing...there IS a god, by rights I should be at least 200lbs by now with all the junk I've eaten... A combination of lots of exercise and a decent metabolism has saved me, I guess. Anyway. In despair, I purchased a book about stopping overeating/eating less/overcoming compulsive eating. It is a very sensible book, treating overeating as an addiction. Having been in therapy etc, I no longer believe it is all about emotional problems, and it really is like giving up smoking. For me it is, anyway. The book advocates seeing self esteem as a goal rather than weightloss, trying to eat healthier, seeing yourself as having CHOICES in what/how much you eat, and setting limits on your food as you go, but allowing yourself to eat whatever you want, just..in sane amounts, at sane times. All Well And Good. The problem is that although I have not binged for 7 days now, and I've eaten SLIGHTLY healthier.... But. Now, eating depresses me and I've slipped right back into the kind of thinking that anorexia gave me! Eg...."How long can I go without food?" And cutting my food up small, etc. I added up a typical day this week, I'm not eating enough. Yet...eeating enough now scares me. I wouldn't dream of bingeing any more. It makes me feel ill. I'm in despair. It seems like I either don't binge/eat everything I want in small amounts.....but then, I feel so GOOD the less I eat. I had no idea that under my mad binge eating side, beats very much the heart of an anorexic. It makes me sad that after a total of 4+ years with eating disorders, it all comes back to this. This attempt to help myself has been the best for a long time - I'm eating a steady 1000-2000 cals a day, NO BINGES!, and I dont feel very deprived. But the obsession ravages me, being thin is something I think about so much, it's pathetic. I'll keep on with it, I just wanted to vent.
  23. you probably don't remember me but i remember when we met it was as if i'd drawn you in my mind and suddenly you came alive you probably don't remember me but i remember when you smiled and my eyes filled up with tears and all at once you became the answer you probably don't remember me but i remember everything you said everything you did, every reason why you laughed every time you looked my way you probably don't remember me but someone's left your imprint on my heart and when i think of you it aches so i try not to think of you at all. you probably don't remember me but here i sit at this desk with only your memory to comfort me as another man leaves you probably don't remember me but do you know that nothing compares to you no-one lives up to you, it doesn't match up to you. you left me behind to wait and to want you probably don't remember me but will you answer me this question. is this love, in its selflessness and patience? or does the greed and loneliness i feel without you make it obsession?
  24. So how does it feel? All this power and so many ways to use it. How does it feel to hold me in your grip Just to let me fall. I didn't show you this side, did I? The obsessive side - the one that can't let go You never knew about the person in my head The monster that I run from everyday. Did you know about my struggles? Did you know about my life? Or what I feel? And what I don't? No, to you there was only a body. No soul inside. A body you used And then left behind I could look ridiculous Hunched over this book Paranoid and intensely depressed But to me it's not strange at all Because this is BPD And if you use me I become attached And if you leave me I become obsessed. So how does it feel? To leave puddles of hell in your wake I slip on each one. To walk away a stud And leave behind a cripple
  25. My obsession/crush/infatuation Is FINALLY OVER. It feels so good. The guy probably wasnt interested, even if he was, I really dont care anymore. I've given him an opportunity to keep in touch with me and he hasnt taken it..so im guessingg Not! A small theory could be that hes very shy/not confident enough(like he was always around me) but... im really not placing any bets on that...and its his loss either way. Did i say i dont care anymore? Meanwhile, Ive been making so many more friends, and meeting so many other people. I cant believe it! but I just dont think of him at all anymore! From 24/7 to probably once a month, I think of him, wonder how hes doing. I feel for everyone else who has a frustrating crush...its really draining. My advice is to get distracted, get a life. If he isnt doing something - FORGET IT! Waste of time and energy really!..There are so many better things/people around you. You just dont want to see it!! until I come up with another problem or random opinions to share.... Crazy
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