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About Me

  1. Do you have book passages, quotes, poems that left their mark on you, speak to you, do you perhaps even use them as a mantra or orientation in life? Perhaps you just..like them? Well, I have tons and tons and I never seem to get enough and have the same curiosity drive me in the inquiry about yours as some women have for "what's in your handbag" pins. It's an obsession of mine almost. If you have bits of literature you'd like to share I bet some of us bookworms would love to read them. If possible, try to add the authors name or a book title for those who might be interested in reading more. Happy posting- and reading
  2. I've been feeling really confused. I'm 23, female, and recently got out of a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I truly loved him, and we had a great sex life for about the first year. However, over the last several months I started to have a lot of questions about my sexuality. I fantasized about sex with a woman sometimes while we were having sex, and sometimes while masturbating as well. It impacted our sex life because I started to feel like there is this whole other side of me that I haven't explored and don't understand, and I felt like I needed to explore it. I decided to try to call myself bisexual and see how that felt. Sometimes that felt ok, but then I also began obsessing over the worry that perhaps I'm just gay. Some background; I have anxiety and OCD, and wonder if me obsessing is related to that (HOCD perhaps) or if I'm just blowing up everything in my mind because I've never actually explored being with a woman, so it's all this huge unknown. I know that I have truly enjoyed sex with men in the past, and I've genuinely fallen in love with them. I miss my ex a lot, I still love him even though the relationship ended. I've never had significant feelings for a woman. However, I can't get this fear out of my head that I'm actually just gay or something. I know that I have been experiencing sexual attraction to women. I also know that sexuality if fluid, and perhaps mine is more fluid than others in that I felt very straight for 3 years (from about 19-22). Before that though I did question my sexuality and wondered if I wasn't straight. I always liked men though so it was easy to mostly ignore. Now that all these feelings have come back again I am really confused. I wanted to feel satisfied with my ex, I loved him, but I kept wondering what it would be like to be with a woman. I can't tell if I am just feeling all of this intensified curiosity because I've never been with another woman, or what. I want to learn to accept these feelings in myself. If I was bisexual would it still be normal to feel a need to explore this other side of myself since I have never acted on these thoughts? Any insight or advice would be helpful! :)
  3. I started seeing my friends friend. I knew him for about 6 months before we started dating. We went out on a first date, he was lovely. We went back to his chatted, watched a film and we slept together (Which wasn't planned and I don't normally do that) We then started to see each other once a week. He is a Police officer so he works all different shifts. I would go round his house we would watch a film. I asked him if he wanted to go out and everytime he said he wanted to stay in. I thought this was because of his shifts he was tired but as time went on he stopped messaging me back and then when I asked why he hasn't texted me back after two days he said he was busy with work. I started feeling crappy because it seemed he wasn't making any effort with me and getting really lazy, just expecting me to go round his house watch tv and have sex. He even got lazy in the bedroom. He would initiate sex and then make no effort. I messaged him and after two days of not hearing from him. I got annoyed and frustrated. I messaged him saying 'Do you want to continue dating or do you want to call it a day as I don't know where I stand with you?' He messaged me back just saying he was busy with work. So I left it as that. I messaged him two days later asking how he was and how was work? Again, nothing. I didn't like they way he was making me feel so I messaged him saying 'i hope there are no hard feelings and I hope we can be friend's'. Surprise surprise, nothing back from him. I know I was pretty harsh but dating him was making me turn into a psycho. I have never been that way in the past with a guy if they didn't message me back. And to feel like this whilst we was dating, I thought it's not right. I wasn't asking the world, I just wanted him to communicate with me. It was like hitting my head against a brick wall My friend said to me he's been really hurt in the past by past relationships so he's closed off. It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about this guy. I've been in long term relationships before and when they ended I've never obsessed about someone like I do with this guy. What the he'll is wrong with me? Why am I obsessing?
  4. Ok, in order to prevent hijacking another thread, I've decided to put this info here. We were talking about the ironies of America - worshipping thin people, but half the population is fat. In many many states, oral and anal sex are ILLEGAL!!! No, not just for minors, for everyone. For a nation that is this obsessed with sexuality on TV and movies, it's pretty ironic. Read this article: link removed
  5. In general are guys less trusting then a girl? If u guys had a choice would you rather hook up with a : a. extremely hot and preety chick , that can get so many guys, and likes ya, really cool, and like a good friend, but not always there. b. an ugly chick w/ a okay body, that can't get much guys and is obsessed with you.
  6. i've been dealing with anorexia for about 5+ years now, and i was doing so much better, until about 2 months ago. then, suddenly i just couldn't eat anymore without feeling so sick afterwards, i actually puke without sticking my fingers down my throat or anything. for the past two weeks, i've hardly been able to eat anything, but even if i don't eat anything, i've still been puking. my dad now thinks i'm pregnant (i'm not) and i don't know what to tell him to make him stop worrying. he doesn't know about my eating disorder, and i really don't want to clue him in on it. but at the same time, he's been making getting better hard, because he's been obsessing with his weight and fitness. any advice would be appreciated. Thanks! ~Scar
  7. Ok, I'm just curious about something and wanted a guys opinion? Why are guys so obsessed with lesbians or two girls kissing etc? I mean I know it's a huge turn on for most of them but I don't get why?
  8. My girlfriend and I met on the internet about 5 months ago. She is a virgin and we have never seen eachother. We live about an hour away from eachother yet she is always too busy to see me. I normally won't put up with this kind of stuff but im madly in love with her. She's expressed these same feelings and I truly believe her. When I tell her i'm worried about her seeing another guy she tells me how i'm the only guy for her and she loves me with all her heart, she also tells me not to worry and she gets mad if i tell her im jealous . I started letting her know how much it bothered me not to see her and she told me to come visit in a couple of weeks. I saw an offline message telling some other guy to give her a call. Why would she want to talk to some other guy? Is she trying to find someone to replace me? Please tell me what I should do, i'm all torn up inside from anxiety. I can't focus on my studies and I cant sleep. Please help me. should i break up with her? if so, how can i forget about her. thanks! PS If you Im me I can send you copies of our conversations online
  9. My story is on here somewhere so I wont go into too much detail. I seem to have this real big problem, with obsessing over her. We were just friends, and then I wanted more..Now I keep going over and over in my head what I did wrong, wishing that I could just go back to being friends and having her around. My problem is that all I think about is her, it comsumes all my thoughts. Everyone gives me the same advice..;get out and get busy etc.' It all seems so easy, but I just cannot do it. I keep thinking maybe it will happen etc. I just want to be normal, seems like most guys would just go 'oh, well' and move on to the next thing. Now with me slipping into depression, do you think that asking my shrink to put me on some sort of meds might help?
  10. ok i posted not long ago about me liking a mate of mine and thanks for all your advice but i was talking to him a couple of days ago and now it seems as though he is still obsessed by his ex and he cant let her go. so wot do i do do i play the friend i will be here for you card or do i play the ok fair enough one? Help! Catie xxx
  11. I am just inabit of a dilema with my partner.The internet has taken control of him,he has been secretly making dates to meet girls,looking for more fun,and we split up 5 mths ago,but been trying to solve it.He said he learnt his lesson and needs me back,but I just got told by him he cares for another,and wants us both in his life so he has total satisfaction,also he is obsessed with bondage and porno,I'm not,and he said he will change that as its only natural.Do I give him a chance and get him to get rid of the net and believe he will forget this other girl,as he has such an obsession with feeling needed,and sexual stuff[/b][/i]
  12. Here is the situation. I'm dating a man who is in the middle of a divorce and custody situation. It is causing a tremendous amount of stress on our relationship. I am not asking what to DO - meaning, I don't need advice to leave the relationship until his divorce is over (conventional wisdom.) My problem is that when I stew over the situation, I get snappy, neurotic and hard to be with. I lately have been telling him how badly I feel that we can't be rid of this divorce/custody situation - in other words, HOW BETTER CAN I BE A SUPPORT but still express my needs? He is trying his best and the lawyers are doing what they can. But I feel horrible as I've been not as supportive lately as I was about 3 months ago. Tuesday I was told another 6 months of legal battling is on the horizon (its already been over 6 months) and we started to argue (again) and I provoked him to break up with me. (We are not going to do that though.) How can I SHUT UP and be more supportive? How can I get past what I feel I need and let life simply take its course? We love each other and I don't want to lose him. Any suggestions?
  13. Most of my posts here are just me trying to figure something out and hoping that someone would have a different view of things that would help me out. This time is a little different. I don't have any ideas of my own, so please help me out. I have a friend that I really can't seem to find anything to get her for Christmas. She's a little eccentric, so any common gifts won't work. She's quite artsey. She's in love with popular art from the 30's 40's and 50's. She's obsessed with shoes; she has something like 60 pair, which isn't bad for being 18. I just don't know what to get her. If anyone has any suggestions, I'll take them.
  14. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and have had many problems with the exgirlfriend. About 5 months into the relationship, they ran into each other for the first time since they broke up(together for 3 years)- He came back and was confused, wanted space. I gave him space for a couple weeks and he ended up calling & begging for me back- I took him back and he said all they did was try to kiss, but it didn't feel right and so they stopped. Well, 3 months went bye and she emailed him, then they started talking and said they wanted to just be friends. I was uncomfortable and we talked about it for a long time, but I agreed it was not my choice and if he wanted to, then he wanted to but I didn't feel comfortable with it knowing she wants him back. So another 3 months went by and they hadn't talked in a week or so and he emailed her to see how things were going.... she had said she was surprised to hear from him because of what conversation her and I had... (which we never had) and that I told her to "stop calling you F***ing B**ch"- he called me immediately and questioned it- I was honest with him saying I never said such a thing and he should trust me. He was confused... then I told him to find his priorities and if he loves me to trust me and obviously she lied... and he doesn't need a friend like that. Well, our anniversary came that week and he surprised me by taking off work to hang out.. I brought it up and he said he didn't want to ruin our day by talking about it.... except then we had sex and I spent the night and now he's out of town probably thinking he doesn't have to deal with it.... what should I do or say?Please help any advice from a man's prospective? I love him and don't want to not be with him, but i can't get past this without talking about it!!!
  15. This article, by Dr. Kate, is invaluable and I mean INVALUABLE for those tryin' to forget their exs and pain that is attached to those memories or those who have any other unproductive thoughts. This helped me last year when I was going through an ordeal and can use it now, since I'm in a similar boat, to my disgust. Check it out and hope it helps. I feel that this is a small contribution I can make to a community of healing hearts. It's long, but worth it. I couldn't find the original URL, so I had to scan it and save it in a funky format to even copy it. All for the sake of recovery and to help all of my fellow strugglin' victims of love! Enjoy! Thought-stopping can be used to stop any bothersome, nonproductive thought (e.g., worries, missing your last boyfriend thoughts, low self-esteem thoughts, unhealthy obsessive thoughts), and replace them with healthy, productive thoughts (e.g., relaxed thoughts, hopeful thoughts. "I'll find a new person who's more compatible," "I'm a good person," "Everything will be OK" thoughts). 1) Start by identifying the type of thought you need to change. For example, if you are obsessed with your ex, it would be all thoughts about your ex. If you have low self-esteem, it would be all negative, denigrating thoughts about yourself. If you worry too much about something, it would be every time you have an anxious thought about that issue. If you have sexual obsessions, it would be every time you think about sex or at least that unhealthy obsession. 2) When you get one of those thoughts, say, "Stop It!" to yourself. (Not out loud, unless you want to get arrested!) Then say the opposite of whatever is bothering you. Phrase it in the most positive, uplifting way. For example, if you get a thought like, "I miss my ex so much; I'll never be happy again," you say, "Stop It! I can be happy with someone else and I will be." If you get a thought like, "He didn't love me, and no one will ever love me again," you say, "Stop it! I am lovable, and I will find someone compatible who will love me just as much as I love him." If you're trying to study and getting a thought like, "It's useless,"you say, "Stop It! I'm going to do my best and I will focus now." If you get a thought like, "I wonder what she's like in bed," you say, "Stop it! I like her as a complete person."Be careful that the replacement thought is positive and uplifting, and remember to say it after the, "Stop It!" In other words, don't just stop the thought - replace it with that positive, uplifting thought. Otherwise, you are just thinking negatively. 3) Then turn your attention to what you are doing, if you are doing something important (e.g., writing checks). If you aren't doing anything that requires concentration (e.g., doing something mechanical or semi-automatic like washing dishes or driving a car), have a positive fantasy that does not remind you of what you are trying to forget (e.g., plan your day, plan some project you're working on, have a passive fantasy about floating down the river on a raft). Be sure it's a positive, healthy fantasy and does not remind you of whatever it is you're trying to forget. 4) Calmly repeat this process every time you get one of your unhealthy thoughts. 5) In the beginning, you will find that you're thinking your unhealthy thought for awhile before you catch yourself. However, as you continue to practice this technique, you will get faster at catching yourself. In addition, in the beginning, after you stop the thought, it will return again. You'll be in the middle of your fantasy, and there it will be! However, the more your practice the technique, you will be able to keep the thought away longer and longer, until one day you suddenly realize that you have forgotten ____ (whatever was the problem). That is the nature of the technique; in order to truly notice that it has worked, you have to "remember" that you once had difficulty with it, but then you forgot it! 6) One caution: Every psychological technique can be used in an inappropriate way, or at an inappropriate time, to make it unhealthy, rather than healthy. For example, if you use this technique to forget about paying your bills, it's not healthy! Or if you use it to avoid feeling guilty about having an affair, it's not good. Basically, use the technique to cease bthoughts that are unhealthy or pathological for you, so that you can behave in healthy, productive, ethical ways. Do not use it to become more unethical, unhealthy or pathological. 7) Also, don't use the thought-stopping to completely avoid taking positive behavioral action that can help you. For example, besides stopping thoughts about your ex, send in that Photopersonal, or join that introduction service, so you can find someone compatible in the future. And if you're constantly worrying about bills, make up a workable budget — some solution that will solve the problem in the future. There are times when you can use the technique to temporarily stop a thought because you have taken whatever action you can, and have put it on your "Things to Do" List (which you do consult!). If there isn't anything you can do about it now, worrying and obsessing about it is unproductive. If it's midnight and you're in bed worrying about something you can't take care of tonight, get up and write it down; then go to bed and use the thought-stopping so you can fall asleep and be well-rested tomorrow.
  16. ...but I probably already am. This is actually a very long story, here's the short and sweet version. I met a girl 5 years ago and within the span of about 2 months became obsessed with her and have been ever since, but she has never cared whether or not I've existed and now we're over 10,000 miles apart, and have been for longer than a year. I try not to incessantly bother her via email, but I can't let go and I can't 'replace' her. This untouched area of my life has become so heart-breaking that I've been thinking about suicide, have attempted many times, and even now have an existing plan. I've been in therapy and on medications for years but it doesn't change anything... I've come to realize that this problem actually is the source. Has anyone ever dealt with anything remotely like this? ANOMALY
  17. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now. We get along fantastic. We went away for a weekend of camping out on the coast and doing a little abalone diving. We have a really good relationship. On the trip back from the coast, we were both a little tired and quiet. She appologized later on (as I did) for being quiet and grumpy. That was actually our first time when we have been a little "cramped" with each other. I kind of think that was a good thing to be honest. We got a little on each other nerves on the way back, but we could read each other and knew we needed our space. That is a very good thing. Now, one thing that was a little out of the blue tonight was a conversation we had. She has told me that her sisters have been very obsessed with exercise and having the perfect body and looking like models. She has told me that she doesn't like being like that, which I told her was great. It was healthier not to be obsessed with that kind of thinking. I told her I thought she looked fantastic and that I love her any way she is. So, we talked tonight and we had both already had some dinner. We were having our normal conversation and one of the things I would ask is what she ended up having for dinner. Totally a conversation topic with no hidden meaning or agenda. So, she asked me if she could ask a question and then asked if I ask what she had for dinner as conversation or if I thought she was fat. I told her right away that I in no way think she is fat (its the opposite actually. I usually think she doesn't eat enough). However, its just conversation topic, not me trying to prod. I told her again before we were done with the conversation that I think she looks fantastic and that I in no way think she is overweight. She has a thin waist and a very good body. I guess my concern is where she would think I was thinking she was fat by asking about what she had for dinner. I assume that by telling her flat out that it is only conversation that she will take my word for it. Its just a little confusing to think of how she made that little leap of thinking. I love her no matter what, I am just a little curious about a woman's point of view on this.
  18. My friend which now Im dating and I have a lot in common and love to see each other a lot. The only problem is whenever I see him I cant think of anything to say to keep or start a converstaion and Im afraid..A) he'll get bored with me and stop calling B) we'll start kissing that thats all the relationship will be based on or C) he goes back to liking this other girl he was obsessed about(which im not sure hes over yet). Can someone help me out with what to talk about or any other solution? ps hes older.
  19. Hey everyone, I just discovered this site a few minutes ago and it seems like there are some people with good advice, so here goes... There's this girl who I'm interested in - don"t know her very well but she seems really nice... anyway I talked to her about a week ago and she was all smiles, and my friend was talking to her and said she seemed interested - so far so good. But it turns out she has this other guy - they don't really go out but just meet up occasionally for 'fun' time together. They may have started going out since then but the only way I can find out is by asking her which is fine but it means me tracking down her number etc. I'm just worried about putting her off by seeming like some dodgy guy who is 'on the hunt for fresh meat' as it were, because I don't know how she'd react to some guy who she doesn't really know finding out her number, calling her etc. But if I wait till I see her again it could be too late. So - call her and hopefully not look like I'm too obsessed or wait till I can see her in person?
  20. There is a girl I have a crush on and she dosn't know I exsist. I know what your thinking, just tell her how you feel, right? It's not that easy, I am extremly shy, i cant talk to people I dont know but I'm the most shy around girls, and this ones extremly hot she's like the twin of Jennifer Garner, the actress from ALIAS. What should I do? I'm obsessed with her, she's all I think of and I want her to know this but I just cant figure out how to tell her without her hating me. Please can someone help me?
  21. i've become totally obsessed with what my ex is doing. i recently found out that my he is dating some new girl now (who has a boyfriend, but says she wants to breakup with him). i've heard that all he wants to do is have sex with her. i feel so hurt. i'm not ready for this. but i know it's not really up to me. i want to go out all of the time just to maybe run into them and see what she looks like. i seriously think i'm going crazy. i've been doing all of the normal post-breakup things, like exercising, reading, spending time with family/friends, but i'm not satisified. i want these thoughts out of my head. i want to be happy, but this seems to be taking control over my life.
  22. Hi evry1! I rlly need ur help. My name is andrea, i am 13 yrs old and im still in 7th grd (yr 8 in england). Theres this boi who i went out wiv 3 times already at the beginin of the yr, he dumped me all 3 times but he sed that he was sorry and that he had gd reasons! He is a nice person he just doesnt no how to treat gals sometimes!!! well, the prob is that i fell 4 him agen! Im obsessed wiv him now...but he is havin a "physical thing" wiv another girl (even though they dun do anythin at all) and i duno wot to do... i only hv 2 more weeks of school til the suma hols, shud i tel him how i feel or shud i keep it to myself!???? pls help me!!! i want him to like me!!
  23. OK i have a male best friend, ive recently discovered that i have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. However I'm pretty sure he doesnt like me in that way. Hes completely obsessed with a girl he met a year ago who was the perfect girl according to him. Ive seen him try to form other relationships but it seems that none of the girls live up to this girl he met and has not seen since. First and foremost im his friend and i hate to see him get depressed over something he cant change, ie seeing this girl again, but its difficult for me to listen to him exponding his feelings for her and comparisons with other girls he has gone out with while having and concealing my own feelings from him. Recently it feels like this is driving me out of my mind and ive even thought about contacting the girl myself and trying to set up some form of contact between them to cheer him up. but i dont want to do anything to destroy the friendship. So... several areas i need advice on... can i help my friend in his obsession without spoiling our friendship? How can i deal with my feelings without destroying our friendship? and how am i going to prevent myself going completely crazy while i await any advice you might give? Any advice, criticisms, harsh truths, welcomed Cy
  24. Just want to ask all the men out there: if a guy likes a girl, will he always go after her? Not necessarily ask her out (I know that takes guts), but at least call her/chase her/try to see her/etc? I've been reading that relationships book "He's Just Not That Into You", which basically says that women should not waste their time obsessing over men who aren't interested. The authors argue that if a guy really likes a girl, he will ask her out. They say that men will always go after a girl they like, and if a guy doesn't, it means he's "just not that into you" (hence the title of the book) and a woman should just move on and find someone who *is* into her. She shouldn't chase or pursue a guy, because the theory is that if he likes her enough, he will chase *her*. This theory appeals to me - I've spent too many hours getting upset and pining after guys who weren't really into me.. too much heartache Do you think it's a good theory? What if a guy is really shy? I'd love to know what other people think
  25. Hi there! I'm new to this board. But anyway, recently I broke up with my boyfriend because of this whirlwind relationship I got thrown into with a guy who used to live, just moved to CT, and is visiting throughout the summer. The problem is, he's very hot and cold. One minute, he'll be touching me and asking me things and smiling at me; the next, he'll ignore me, he'll seem spaced out, and unattentive. But I've never been with anyone like him. I'm addicted already even though I know his hot and cold behavior will drive me insane. He just visited for a week and left for two weeks and I've received no calls from him or anything. It's only been three days... but I'm obsessing over it. He sent me a text message once saying that he wanted to see me--about two weeks ago and I was thinking of sending him a similar message soon. Good idea? Bad? Or am I too clingy? Or should I just get my feelings out there so we can no ahead of time if there is really anything between us?
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