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About Me

  1. Do you have book passages, quotes, poems that left their mark on you, speak to you, do you perhaps even use them as a mantra or orientation in life? Perhaps you just..like them? Well, I have tons and tons and I never seem to get enough and have the same curiosity drive me in the inquiry about yours as some women have for "what's in your handbag" pins. It's an obsession of mine almost. If you have bits of literature you'd like to share I bet some of us bookworms would love to read them. If possible, try to add the authors name or a book title for those who might be interested in reading more. Happy posting- and reading
  2. I've been feeling really confused. I'm 23, female, and recently got out of a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I truly loved him, and we had a great sex life for about the first year. However, over the last several months I started to have a lot of questions about my sexuality. I fantasized about sex with a woman sometimes while we were having sex, and sometimes while masturbating as well. It impacted our sex life because I started to feel like there is this whole other side of me that I haven't explored and don't understand, and I felt like I needed to explore it. I decided to try to call myself bisexual and see how that felt. Sometimes that felt ok, but then I also began obsessing over the worry that perhaps I'm just gay. Some background; I have anxiety and OCD, and wonder if me obsessing is related to that (HOCD perhaps) or if I'm just blowing up everything in my mind because I've never actually explored being with a woman, so it's all this huge unknown. I know that I have truly enjoyed sex with men in the past, and I've genuinely fallen in love with them. I miss my ex a lot, I still love him even though the relationship ended. I've never had significant feelings for a woman. However, I can't get this fear out of my head that I'm actually just gay or something. I know that I have been experiencing sexual attraction to women. I also know that sexuality if fluid, and perhaps mine is more fluid than others in that I felt very straight for 3 years (from about 19-22). Before that though I did question my sexuality and wondered if I wasn't straight. I always liked men though so it was easy to mostly ignore. Now that all these feelings have come back again I am really confused. I wanted to feel satisfied with my ex, I loved him, but I kept wondering what it would be like to be with a woman. I can't tell if I am just feeling all of this intensified curiosity because I've never been with another woman, or what. I want to learn to accept these feelings in myself. If I was bisexual would it still be normal to feel a need to explore this other side of myself since I have never acted on these thoughts? Any insight or advice would be helpful! :)
  3. I started seeing my friends friend. I knew him for about 6 months before we started dating. We went out on a first date, he was lovely. We went back to his chatted, watched a film and we slept together (Which wasn't planned and I don't normally do that) We then started to see each other once a week. He is a Police officer so he works all different shifts. I would go round his house we would watch a film. I asked him if he wanted to go out and everytime he said he wanted to stay in. I thought this was because of his shifts he was tired but as time went on he stopped messaging me back and then when I asked why he hasn't texted me back after two days he said he was busy with work. I started feeling crappy because it seemed he wasn't making any effort with me and getting really lazy, just expecting me to go round his house watch tv and have sex. He even got lazy in the bedroom. He would initiate sex and then make no effort. I messaged him and after two days of not hearing from him. I got annoyed and frustrated. I messaged him saying 'Do you want to continue dating or do you want to call it a day as I don't know where I stand with you?' He messaged me back just saying he was busy with work. So I left it as that. I messaged him two days later asking how he was and how was work? Again, nothing. I didn't like they way he was making me feel so I messaged him saying 'i hope there are no hard feelings and I hope we can be friend's'. Surprise surprise, nothing back from him. I know I was pretty harsh but dating him was making me turn into a psycho. I have never been that way in the past with a guy if they didn't message me back. And to feel like this whilst we was dating, I thought it's not right. I wasn't asking the world, I just wanted him to communicate with me. It was like hitting my head against a brick wall My friend said to me he's been really hurt in the past by past relationships so he's closed off. It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about this guy. I've been in long term relationships before and when they ended I've never obsessed about someone like I do with this guy. What the he'll is wrong with me? Why am I obsessing?
  4. Hi everybody! I desperately need help. Last year I met and dated this guy for whom I fell super hard. Head over heels, crazy. Well, the feelings for him have subsided, but one issue remains. He had recently ended a relationship when we met. Turns out his ex and I look a lot alike. Like sisters. Because of certain things, he made me feel like the reason why it didn't work between us is because he was just out of that relationship. Well, I was shaken to the ground, and now I am obsessed with his ex. It's unhealthy. Her face pops up on my head randomly. Thoughts of comparison to her are constant. Does he have a better face than me? Better body? Does she look better from this or that angle? Is she a nicer person? Is she smarter? Is her life better? Is her family better? Is she a better cook? More athletic? Needless to say, I don't have a moments peace. I know not to think of her, I know all this is unreasonable, but it's the way I feel. How can I make it stop?
  5. Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a transition stage in my life at the mo and to cut a long story short I've moved in with my mum for a few months while I get money together for a house deposit and find a decent place. We have always had a strained relationship but it has gotten better in recent years. When I was growing up she was very critical of me and made daily comments about how I looked, especially my weight. I have carried a bit extra for most if my life except for a couple of stages where I lost an extreme amount of weight in extreme ways. I have recently put some weight back on and now fall into the 'overweight category which has made me feel quite bad about myself but she is treating me as if I'm morbidly obese and is making me feel so disgusted with myself and ashamed of what I see when I look in the mirror. I feel myself losing confidence, which I worked so hard to build, and slipping back into old habits like buying diet pills, skipping meals, obsessing over exercise and taking heavy detox drinks etc. I feel so terrible about myself I genuinely feel like a teenager again. Every day these past few weeks she has made negative, nasty digs about how I've "let myself go" and "need to get back on track". I know it sounds silly but I just feel so low right now and every comment from her eats away at my self-esteem a little more. I know parents should challenge you to be your best self but she ignores everything except my appearance and I only ever hear negative words come from her mouth. This can't be right??
  6. I'm having a hard time right now and just need someone to listen. I saw my therapist earlier and we started talking about the possibility of getting back together with my ex. He asked why I had such a hard time letting go and from what I told him, she made it clear that she was done. He said that obsessing about how/when to win her back is just me trying to manipulate the situation. And while he can't tell me what to do, whatever action I take, I just need to have integrity and stay true to myself. If I do that, there should be no regrets on my part. It made me think that that I am a sensitive soul and there is so much I wanted to tell her still. So, I decided to write her a letter of all the things I wanted to say. And made it clear it wasn't an attempt to win her back. It's me apologizing for what I was ashamed of, thanking her for the short time I got to spend with her, and telling her I'm letting go. While I won't send it to her for a couple days/weeks or maybe even at all, it did help get it out on paper. However, as I started writing it, I'm realizing that I lost her and it's truly over. I'm heart broken and haven't stopped crying for the last hour. Why does it have to hurt so much. I am not equipped to handle this. All I want to do is pick up the phone and tell her to come home and lets talk this out. But I can't and its over and.....accepting that is truly the hardest part. At least when I was in denial, bargaining or anger...I had other ways to occupy my thoughts. Now I'm left with nothing but memories and the whole she left behind. It's so bitter sweet. I just want the pain to end so I can move on. No need to respond, just need to get it out there.
  7. Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I need some advice on how to handle a situation. My brother and I didn't speak for 6 years. He assualted me and refused to apologise.Then one day out of the blue he called me and apologised. Said he and his partner were trying for a baby and we should patch things up because of it. I'm 43 and don't want kids - my partner and I are childfree (not childless). Anyway, he contacted me in August to say they'd gone through IVF and by September they were pregnant. I met him in October, he apologised for how he'd behaved six years ago. I live quite far away from him so we now started to have sporadic phone calls and occasional whatsapp messages. His partner whatsapped me all her scan photos when she was pregnant. My nephew was born a few weeks ago and I'm thrilled for them and love my nephew. However, they are constantly sending me photos and videos of the baby through whatsapp. It's just photos and videos with no message - no 'how are you?' It feels very one sidded. I know new parents can be obsessed, but I'm not obsessed and I actually find it an intrutsion into my life. I'm not jealous because as I said we are childfree by choice and have a great life. We don't want children. I don't hate kids, but I am not they type of person that is obsessed with kids. I am not child focused. I prefer animals. How can I deal with this situation without alienating them? They seem to expect my life to now revolve around their child. In addition, I've been with my partner for 11 years. We're very happy as we are and don't want to marry. We don't see the point and don't really believe in marriage. It's not for us, but we can be happy for others who do want to marry. However, we believe in the right not to marry. My brother'spartner is referring to my partner as 'uncle' , but he doesn't want to be referred to as uncle. He doesn't view himself as an uncle to this child. What is going on in this situation?
  8. My boyfriend isn't officially diagnosed with OCD, but he has admitted he has an obsession with contamination and additionally he has vocal/motor tics and Aspergers traits. All of this he managed to hide until about 4 months into our relationship, but since then they've been getting worse and worse. I try to be as understanding, accommodating and caring as possible, but his problems put a lot of strain on me and they affect our relationship but it's only me that sees that and although he concedes that he can be very difficult to cope with, there's no understanding or compassion for my feelings or for me getting upset about anything. What particularly hurts is when he gets obsessed over something and then shuts me out, even though I'm apparently the only person who knows about his problems and sees the tics etc. Last weekend he tried to show me a perceived stain on his hand, but I couldn't really see anything. He wrung his hands almost constantly all weekend (a tic he's been doing more and more), but was in a good mood, maybe because we were doing activities he chose and so was distracted. However, I normally go over to his after work on Tuesday evenings and this Monday he told me he didn't have the energy to even put a jacket potato in the oven for me, yet suggested we drive into town to a restaurant instead. He said it would be better to meet later in the week, but gave me no indication of when that might be and he's claimed today that he's feeling no better. He said, as he always does whenever he experiences any kind of negative emotion, that he is "fatigued" and "drained". However, despite feeling such apparent fatigue in these situations, he still goes to work, interacts with colleagues, visits his mum, goes shopping etc - in other words, every other part of his life carries on like normal except he doesn't want to spend time with me, the one person with whom he has admitted his OCD and Tourette's and has shown so much patience and care towards him. He knows I am fearful of rejection and I do feel rejected and shut out, but there's no point in telling him. I try to just carry on like nothing has happened, but inside I feel sad and wonder why no-one and nothing else gets shut out other than me. If/when he pulls himself out of the obsession he just carries on like nothing has happened, without any acknowledgement of the impact it's had on me. I really don't know what to do - suggestions, please?!
  9. I can't seem to let go of my ex. We had a decent relationship, but it ended badly and she ran out with her ex behind my back. We left each other alone and then she started drunk texting me at night. Then we have this back and forth for like 6 months. We had 2 encounters with each other, one 4 months ago and one last week. I thought we might get back together cause it was so good, she said she loves me and we have a great connection, but it ended unfortunately because her kid walked in on us later that night. Now I haven't heard from her in a week. I am sad, mad, in disbelief that I could love someone who treats me so bad. I have no idea what to do, want to move on but having trouble. Help!
  10. Broke up after 24 years and 3 months later he’s dating a girl who he says is only a friend but he stays overnight on the sofa so he says. Still texting and ringing me when he wants but when I try to get in touch with him I can’t. We talk and he keeps saying he is trying to work this out. We had a great life together and I can’t let go. I’m obsessed and don’t know what to do any advice.
  11. To set the scene I’m 38 years old. Up until my thirties I drifted around having lots of fun in different locations. Then when I turned 30 I suddenly had this incredible impulse to return to be near my family and have babies. For most of my thirties this became an obsession. I chose totally unsuitable men and went through boyfriends like a shark with a shoal of fish! Some of them were horrible. Then I gave up on men last year and decided to have a baby solo. That’s when I met my current partner. He’s young and fun. We became serious quite quickly. A year and a half later I’m living with him. He can be lovely and cuddly and I’m generally content. But he has a rare yet horrible temper (fuelled by adhd), despite my best efforts to guide him he has never given me an orgasm and he doesn’t stimulate me in a conversational way. Several events have occurred and Im in a tizz: A month ago I experienced a miscarriage. He revealed to me that he has been saving loads of money whilst I am barely breaking even. He said that we have to live in a commuter town (expensive and soulless). I got so frustrated by sex that I was mean. I can’t really explain why but I started to feel a total sense of dissatisfaction with my life and where it was heading. I could see my future stuck in some grey place exhausted with kids but working hard. I didn’t like it. I am not even sure I want children now. I started to pull away from the relationship a bit. I cried a lot. I said I wanted space. It pushed him over the edge. He was angry one minute. Full of despair the next. Then wanting kisses and cuddles. It was exhausting. So I got away and am now at my parents house contemplating life. Am I where I want to be? Do I actually want to live around here? He wants to meet today to talk me back. I’m really not sure what I want to do!
  12. So I've been dating the most amazing girl for about 6mths, and it's by far the most wonderful, healthy, happy relationship of my life. I'm so in love with her, she's amazing. But I'm terrified that my stupid intrusive thoughts and obsessiveness are going to ruin everything. Right now it's manifesting itself in my constant obsessive thoughts about her ex. The woman she was dating before me was in her late thirties (we're both in our early twenties), and is an esteemed and successful poet/academic. They were together for two years, but it was a turbulent and rocky relationship (completely unlike ours) driven by lust/passion, and at times bordering on abusive. Being with this woman made my gf really unhappy. She understandably doesn't like talking about it in great detail, but I find myself clinging to every detail she tells me with a kind of morbid fascination. I *know* my girlfriend is telling the truth when she says she now can't stand the sight of this woman, and yet I can't stop thinking that she must have been smarter and more exciting and interesting than me. That she was more educated and probably better in bed, and ultimately that their love was deeper and more legitimate than ours. I've even started to think she looks a bit like me, when actually she probably doesn't at all. How do I stop myself from obsessing, and perceiving myself as some inferior rebound from this other woman when I *know* it's completely groundless and irrational? I don't know if I should bring it up with my gf because I know the problem is 10000% in my head and my own insecurities. I know how the conversation would go: she would tell me over and over the reality of the situation (that her ex was awful, she's much happier with me etc etc) which wouldn't make me feel any better, and would probably stress her out/make her feel guilty. I just need to put the brakes on the intrusive thoughts I keep having, but I don't know how.
  13. I know I have been singing the same song. But still I have totally broken and shattered now. I don't see any future anymore! Since breaking up I am unable to accept myself, I hate myself for all the wrongs I did while in the relationship (nothing major though- like crying, not listening to him, arguments on small little things, obsession to talk to him and missing him, showed him how stressed I was because I wasn't able to clear any exam to have a better job) and was being dumped because of these negative qualities of mine. It hurts that I had hurt him. Although I myself is still hurting (its been 6months now). Which hits me hard that I am not a quality person. I feel terrible (in waves) whenever he crosses my mind. Another major thing is: I have been failing in all the competitive exams since the beginning of the year. I have given ten plus exams and have not passed in a single one. Which makes me again a non quality person. I am not even good health wise as well. Fatty waist, fatty mantastic arms, fatty neck but slim and attractive legs. I am already 25 years old with nothing about myself. I feel so worthless, I feel as if I don't deserve even smiling or laughing. Break up makes me feel I am fit for nothing. I know it sounds like beating myself again and again. But trust me guys this is what I have been going through. This how I am feeling. I have no zeal left for anything. The fact is I guess I am horrific, horrid person- a "NINCOMPOOP" Don't know when I'll begin to feel better myself? I don't know when he'll stop crossing my mind? I don't know when I'll accept that those mistakes were human nature? Don't know when I'll accept that I never wanted to hurt him, but it just happened, it just happened unintentionally?
  14. I don't know if I'm mentally losing it but I don't think it's healthy for me to have my life consumed with thinking about my ex. I can't seem to move on and it's going on two months. Crazy as it is, it seems the more days that go by, the more I think about him. The problem in the beginning was that I see him more like a drug therapy for me, I was too dependent on him. Before I met him I was horribly depressed, I had no life nor did I have any friends. I felt like no one understood me and there he came. I was happy for the 8 months we were together, I finally had someone that loved me and related to me. But I threw that all away because of my trust issues and he got tired of me and broke up with me, told me to never contact him again. Of course once that happened, I completely lost it because I was at ground zero again alone. I know people on here told me to move on and be happy without him but it is sooooooooo sooooo hard! No one made me laugh,smile the way he did,no one paid attention to me the way he did,he made me feel loved and appreciated. That's all I wanted out of life! All I ever gotten was verbal abuse by my friends,parents and no one was there for me. Everyone always ignored me. Tonight I lost it and called him. Suprisingly he picked up the phone and responded to me. At first he was very responsive to me and we carried a conversation about how I was and then we talked about him for a minute. But then the anger seemed to get to him. He started to get furious and he was like "Didn't I tell you to never call me again?" I tried to apologise to him and I told him that I was sorry for not trusting him and snooping through his things.I sounded so pathetic,but I was like I know we can never have a relationship but I'd like to be friends.He basically responded that it was over and we have nothing to talk about and he hung the phone up in my face. I don't know, it hurts but I don't get it. At least we talked for awhile before he blew up in my face.It seemed like he was coming around until the anger came back to him. I just don't know how to be happy without him. I'm trying to focus on me but it's hard when I'm so miserable and lonely.I was soo alone and desperate tonight that I deserted to calling him, after I did so good with 2 months and no contact. Now I feel stupid for what I did. I don't think I care for the guy, it seems like it's turning more into an obsession and it frightens me alot. I feel worthless and alone without and I just can't cope...
  15. ok, so sometimes when i have interactions with women i tend to think about it alot and wonder what they are doing everyday...cant get them off my mind, stuff like that. its not as bad as it used to be, but sometimes i just cant stop thinking about them. for example, on new year's eve a girl that i have hung out with a few times and have been turned on by sat on my lap and proceded to lay a long, sensual tonguetwister into my mouth! it was very nice..and i dont know how much alcohol fueled it, but whatever...i then drove her home and spent the night (nothing happened) since then its been hard to let the whole thing go. i would really like to be around her more (in many different ways i guess) but i dont know if its just fueled by wanting sex. ive had thoughts like this before, where its very hard for me to get women off of my mind, even if im not acting out sexually with them or dating them...though i would like to be. anyone else ever feel this at all?
  16. I was totally obsessed with this girl. I've posted about her a few times- the response has never really been that great because basically I have a very mixed feelings about her. I thought she really wanted to go out with me, that she liked me. And a mutual friend was pushing us together. But she totally turned round and rejected me. First time I've ever put myself on the line like that and I felt really embarrassed- especially since I was so confused and didnt understand why she'd suddenly just turned round like that. I don't know- somewhere along the way this has just taken control of my emotions. I was so obsessed with her until last christmas when I told her how I felt- not so she'd go out with me- but just so she'd properly say no and I could move on- which she did. And we didnt see each other and I could move on and I met someone really nice and we've been going out for 8 months now. But then I stayed friends with the other girl. I dont know why- I guess I'm so angry and I want to scream at her and destroy her somehow for making me feel like she did. I felt so publicly humiliated. Now she's leaving..... I thought I'd gotten over it but I'm SO angry all of a sudden- it's completely eating me up. She's such a user, such a teaser (I wasnt the only miserable guy standing around in her wake) My chest physically hurts from this pent up anger- like I'm going to have a stroke or something. But the more I look at it- I cant really see what she's done. This has been my hangup all along. Other things in the past where I feel humiliated or controlled have just all become twisted up with this. I'm SO angry its ridiculous. I'm not in love with this girl, I barely even like her. I love my girlfriend. But I feel like tearing this other girl's head off and she hasnt done anything. I dont know how to deal with anger at all. I have no one to vent to or at. Advice would be great please
  17. Hello All, I have been here for awhile and some know of my story but, recently me and my ex have been getting closer and closer and recently something stupid happened. We were watching something I think it was Seinfeld and it brought up the topic of marriage and my boyfriend said something like "Married people get bored easily and never have sex" he said it with a smirk on his face and I said "thats not true!" and then he said " I know I am just kidding" and I then I said "yea right" and he said "come on I have no reason to have to prove I wasn't kidding to you". Then I took it the wrong way thinking he was saying I wasn't "marriage material". I don't really think thats what the problem is but I have a problem questioning every single thing he does, or action he makes. I obsess over little things he says even if they aren't bad and its always negative things I think that he is saying. Whenever he says something positive I don't even notice it or enjoy it. What the hell is wrong with me? I think I may start getting on his nerves with all of my needyness and questioning everything!
  18. My grandma keeps saying i've put on more and more weight. Last time i checked i'd lost some but i guess i've put it all back on. She keeps saying it over and over again. Telling mum i should cut down on my intake. She said that i shouldn't eat anything else cuz i'd had enough today and that really i'd eaten to much. I feel so horrible right now. But whats worse is that if i suggest a diet she says no i'm obsessing with my weight to much. Its like she wants me to stay like this so she can continually pick on me. I feel so huge right now and i was wondering if theres a way to lose weight quickly. So that i can feel good about me and not have my nan on my case.
  19. Hi, I have a problem and REEALLY need opinions from unbiased people. -had a summer job when i was 15 and met an AMAZING guy. we started dating for a few weeks. he was 23. -i thought he knew my age but i decided not to bring it up just in case. -one day he became cold towards me and basically broke up with me because he'd found out i was 15 and said i was too young. -i was heartbroken and became obsessive about him. i always tried to get my lunch break with him i wrote hundreds of poems to/about him (which i never gave him thankgod) i cried over him everynight i found out where he was going one night and dragged my friends there hoping to prove how mature i was. ended up getting embarrassingly drunk and when he left i tried to physically stop him. ended up shouting his name outside his flat until he woke up, came out and paid for my taxi home. HOW HUMILIATING. -wen he eventually left and went back to australia i thought i'd never see him again but it took me about a year to stop obsessing. -this week i found him on myspace (an internet site for friends over the world), found out where he lives and what he's upto. now i'm obsessing again as i truly believe hes my soulmate. i look at his page like 4 times a day. -now i'm determined to go to australia next year just so i can bump into him and hope he can fall for me again and so i can mend the damage i did before. i know this is stalkerish behaviour but i can't help it - i love him and always have. i can see myself marrying him! if i don't go i'm sure i'll regret it. do you think i should go just to see if he is my soulmate and so i don't have any regrets? or do you think i'ts ridiculous..be honest! has anyone felt this way about someone before? it's a first for me but my obsessing is scaring me and it hurts
  20. Oh man. I have come to a conclusion I am obsessed with my ex. I havn' seen or spoke to him in almost two months yet his thoughts cloud my brain. I know I want to see him so badly. Should I just pop up at his door. Or call. I emailed him once. ahhhhh Oh man! I just made a song about him and am Uploading old pics of him on my phone. This is nuts!
  21. I'm obsessed with this album now because it seems to be the soundtrack to my breakup. I thought I'd share these lyrics for anyone who is trying to get to the anger stage! Cold as You by Taylor Swift You have a way of coming easily to me. And when you take, you take the very best of me. So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin' And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted. (CHORUS) Oh, what a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day. Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say. And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you. You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray. And I stood there lovin' you and washed them all away. And you come away with a great little story of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you. (CHORUS) Oh, what a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day. So just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say. And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you. You never did give a damn thing, honey. But I cried, cried for you. And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you. (Died for you) Oh, what a shame. What a rainy ending give to a perfect day. Every smile you fake is so condescending. Counted all the scars you made. Now that I'm sittin here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you.
  22. Why do I put myself through this...i sit here and stare at her myspace, and search through all her friends seeing who she comments, i even deleted mine to keep from being tempted, but i just look anyways...gah. On top of the fact that i cant sleep and i am fighting the urge to call her...needless to say its a bad night Why cant she just help me out and unblock me from msn...then i could simply sign off and know she still thinks about me...instead she is going about business like i was never there...only day 5 of NC though...if she cracks it wont be for a while...i hope she does before i do...bleh. Ill post a new thread tomorrow with some of our conversation that will explain why i am holding on instead of erasing her. I also think she may see my posts on here, so it could fuel her ability to keep away from me...just a feeling, she isnt too smart, but i told her about it and how it helped me the first time we split because she was dealing with some problems and i told her it was a good site.
  23. Hi all, I'm looking for some advice on how to improve my self-confidence. I went through a break-up last year that utterly devastated me but as i look back now on the relationship, although i love my ex-boyfriend and miss him terribly, i can see that he has drained my confidence in the years we spent together. He has a lot of female friends and i made myself very miserable thinking that they were better than me - jealousy became a huge issue for me and i began to despise myself. I would buy clothes like his girl friends and try to be like them, anything to get the attention i so craved from him - i have totally forgotten who i actually want to be as i am so obsessed with one of his female friends.....this is a situation i feel it is imperative i sort out. We eventually split up after he cheated on me which compounded how low i feel about myself. It has been a year now and i still feel so sad and worthless. Please can anyone give me any tips on how to improve the way you view and think about yourself. I despise the way i look, i cringe at things i say, i obsess about girls i think are better than me - thinner, prettier etc....this self-loathing is so destructive....im 22 and i really need to grow out of this self-pitying and shallow frame of mind. I've been travelling this year, done voluntary work in Nepal, am learning a new language and going to the gym, spending time with old friends etc I feel ive tried hard but none of the usual things seem to have made much difference so if anyone has any other ideas please let me know....
  24. Ok… so. Let me tell you the situation. Last Tuesday, my school had a orientation. It's pretty pointless, but anyway, it is a week before the real school year starts. The teachers go over the rules… yada yada yada. BTW I'm gona be a Senior. Some of the student's mothers help up at the school as teachers, so that the tuition won't be so damn expensive. So, this girl's mom works up there, and so does mine. Her name is Terra, and she is gona be a Senior aswell. Anyway, back in our sophomore year, I was crazy about her. I was too shy to talk to her though, and she was real outgoing, and very flirtatious. But not with me, cuz I was too shy to come out and joke with her, and when I did, I was like completely serious and not very funny. So, ya, I really got hurt. Once, I drew her a picture of the Nutcracker, cuz she was in it. I thought if I did this kinda stuff, she would notice me. But when I gave it to her, she just said thanks, and that was that. It didn't work. Finally, I just forced her out of my mind. It was hard, but I did it. I tried to avoid her and not think about her. Anyway, Junior year comes up, and I've matured a lot over the summer. As the year went on, I found it easier to talk to her, because I wasn't obsessed with her. But, still I didn't talk to her that much, although it was a lot more than the previous year. That year ended. And, so, now we are back at the beginning of my story: my Senior year orientation. As my mom and I are leaving, she sees me, and tells me that she was cleaning up her room when she found that nutcracker picture. She says that it is very good, asks me if I'm an artist, and stuff. I kinda act like I don't quite remember what she was talking about, cuz to me, my sophomore year was very embarrassing cuz I was so immature. Anyway, she asks me if I could sign it, cuz she wanted to give it to her dance teacher so that it would be the cover picture for the Nutcracker play she was going to do this year. I say sure, flabbergasted that she would even think about doing that… (but of course I don't show my surprise to her). She asks me if I was going to be at school tomorrow, since all the teachers had to be at school to get the school ready for the year. I say maby, and then we say bye. So, of course I end up going the next day. From the beginning of that day's moring when we got there, to around 3 pm, Terra and I are talking, and stuff. Now keep in mind that her and me were the only students there, so I don't really know if she was talking to me cuz I was the only one to talk to, or because she really enjoyed my company. Although she forgot to bring the picture, I didn't really care cuz I was so glad to actually talk with her. I found out that she likes scary movies (seems like all girls do), and I told her that I usually wimp out on them, which is kinda funny. Anyway, at the end of the day, I ask her if she is gona be at school the next day. She says ya, and I tell her me too. That night, I look at the scary movies that are out, and start thinking about something. I started thinking that I should ask her if she wanted to see a scary movie with me, just as friends. I decide that that is what I'm gona do. So, that next morning at our school, I walk in, and say hey to her. She says hey back, but right off the bat, I sense that something is different about her today. She seems like she's pissed about something. Not knowing what to do, and not asking, I ask my teachers if they need any help, and they keep me busy for the rest of the day. I over hear her talking on her cell phone a lot. I start wonderin why she dosen't want to talk to me, but I keep that question buried, not daring to let it out. Anyway, around noon, I find out that she has left the school without even sayin bye. So, bottom line is, I never get to ask her about the movie, and now I am kinda wondering what that day ment towards me if anything. But, as of now, I have a plan B. When she finally asks me to sign that picture, I will, but then I'm gona ask her about the movie. But, that causes two problems that could happen. First off, if she says no, I'll be all bummed. Second off, if she says ya, and we end up going to the movie, I'm afraid that I am going to become obsessed with her again, and that I will ruin everything. The second possibility scares me more though, cuz I don't know how I'm gona be able to control it. Sorry that it took me so long to get this question out, but what should I do? Thanks.
  25. How do you tell the difference between love and obsession? I am head over heels crazy about a girl, think about her all the time. I don't really think there is a difference between love and obsession.
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