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About Me

  1. So I (35M) met a very nice girl on Tinder 1,5 months ago. We already knew each other from over 10 years ago but have not talked since we were younger. Our conversation was awesome from the very beginning, she initiated conversations, shared pictures of her daily life etc. After the first date she said she definately wanted to meet again and so we did. I spent a evening and night with her (no sex) and it was wonderful, I actually think I let myself fall in love with her at that point. I thought we were moving in a good direction but I started to get other thoughts very soon. After I spent night at her house, I noticed she did not initiate any conversation anymore on WA but she replied to me anyway. I asked her out to a restaurant and we agreed to meet in a few weeks time (before christmas). Because I had a gut feeling that something was wrong, I also asked how she felt about us right now. She said she has had very nice time with me but it is too soon to say where we are heading as couple and wants to take things slow. I was somehow devasted because I had misread the situation so badly and let my guards down too soon and my heart was again taking a hit. I never knew it was possible to get hurt after such a extremely short period of time but here we are. What is interesting that we have not even separeted our ways (officially) but I still kinda FEEL she ended things there. My head is a complete mess now. We have not talked for a couple days (never went this many days without contact before) and we still have booked a date in a few weeks time. What should I do? Should I totally forget about her or maybe be there for her and text her every now and then? I also fear that I will grow resentment and that would destroy everything.
  2. Straight to the point. I fall in love hard, once every 10 years. First time at 19, second at 29, third, one month before my 39th birthday. These are all girls that I wanted to spend my life with. I can understand why the first two did not work out but the most recent was such a heart break that I am finding it hard to cope. I'll give you a little background to the whole scenario. 38 years old, I decided that I was not going to look for anyone. Just get on with my life and enjoy myself. In February of this year, I meet a girl. She is 27. I have no interest in her whatsoever. She starts coming onto me. Asking me to sit next to her. Telling my close friend that she feels rejected because I will not kiss her. I relented. I fell in love. Maybe this was the one. We started to spend a lot of time together. She was my first for a lot of things. Not sex. The small simple every day things that people take for granted. First time we went shopping at the supermarket. First time Someone stayed over at my place, cooked dinner together, went for walks at odd times, shared songs. When she told me that she loved me, my heart swelled up. I was almost euphoric. At the start of April she decided to go to her parents to look after her mum. Due to the current situation. I would message her everyday and get a reply maybe 3 or 4 days later. Never a phone call. I started to sense that I was losing her. My guess turned out to be right. She said we had nothing in common, that we don't laugh enough. We should be friends first. I found myself emotionally compromised. I told her to come pick up her things and leave. I'll admit this was my mistake but I was really hurt. I lost the ability to make rational decisions. She comes with her dad. Gets her stuff. I don't see her or say anything. A month later she calls me. She is at her new flat. It's a mess. She doesn't like it. She's crying. Being me, I tell her not to worry. I pick her up. We collect her belongings the next day. She settles into the spare room. Then she goes completely cold. She won't talk to me. As soon as I enter any common area she walks out. I buy her flowers and she ignores the gesture. A week later she brings a guy over to the house. Albeit, she is now single and she has her own space. I tell her that I still love her and that she can have a few months to find some where else to stay. Fine, she says. The next day, whilst I am out, her dad and brother come over to the house and take all her belongings. She then blocks me on all forms of communication. No warning, no reason.
  3. Hello. I've been talking to this girl for 4 months now, it's hard for me to call it dating but it probably is? First off, it's just an online thing for now. I met her in a game and we really like each other it seems. I am someone that falls in love fast and hard, so things got intimate and personal quickly. She told me that she was falling for me too fairly early on so everything's cool right? Turns out it's not. As things start to get more serious doubts begin to appear in her mind, how I am not the right guy for her or how things are going too fast. I didn't take that very lightly and wanted to stop speaking to her but I did not manage to do that very long and after about a week or so we are talking to each other again. Honestly, there have been some red flags here and there. It often seemed like she only liked me when it suits her(?) and you know how it is when you're in love, you want to spend every waking moment with that person? Yeah I did not really get that from her. Or am I just weird in that sense? I suppose it had to do with how the doubts kept holding her back... I am not sure. One day we would spend all day together, even going to bed at the same time so we can wake up together, another she would not want to spend time with me at all or it would feel like she "forces" herself to. I don't really know. Maybe I just like her a lot more than she likes me? But there are times when it feels like she truly wants me. Like now. One thing I should mention is that she has an ex that she didn't seem to be fully over yet, as of 4 months ago, I do not know if she feels any different about it now or if it actually had to do with us not working out. The problem here is: We start being very flirty and intimate after our "breakup", there are no doubts in her mind at this point. As things get serious, the doubts start to appear again. We stop talking again. And it begins anew. This has happened about 4 times now but by now we have figured out that just trying the same thing over and over again isn't exactly working out for us, it's clear there is something holding her back. Again, all online. We haven't seen each other IRL (yet). I don't think she has any bad intentions but it's clear something is wrong. Thing is, what? And what do we do to fix this? I am trying to keep my distance for now but it's clear we both can't seem to keep our hands to ourselves, so to speak. What should I do?
  4. Has anyone or your partner overcome it? How does someone over come it and what can I do as a partner to help? My partner won’t agree to see a therapist. She is jealous of the people I slept with prior to meeting her. She also doesn’t think that I found her attractive on our first date. To be honest she is right. I did not at the time and she found out somehow but the more time i spent with her the deeper I fall for her and she is now the most beautiful to me. She just can’t get over it..
  5. BEFORE I START, apologies to any english errors I make - I am the worst when it comes to writing so sorry for that. Also, I think I am relatively young hence I would probably sound stupid so feel free to critisise. This is also my first relationship hence I would be grateful for any helpful advice. Let’s cut the chase. I’m currently dating a guy for almost a year now,. He’s a year younger than me and he just finished his senior year of highschool entering college. We started out as friends, we are both shy, antisocial people who connected on common interests/experiences. He was my first guy friend- during my teen years I did not really like being friends with guys because I was scared of falling in love sort of situation so I never went any deeper than aquaintance- level with guys. But guess what it happened anywayy :(. He is a kind guy and by kind I mean kind to everyone, sweet, sincere yet a little insecure, a little shy and sheltered. I fell in love with him because I felt a sense of connection with him during our friendship and his kind heart. Knowing he also liked me, I eventually asked him out and hence now im dating him- it’s been almost a year. I love him still. Happy with his company. However, I can’t help but feel doubt on whether I can see a future with him. I don’t know if it’s too early for me to think that being 19. I don’t intend to date unless it is on a long term basis, where I can see a future- otherwise waste of time right? I can’t imagine him being able to contribute if we were to have a family or just ias the relationship develops. Not to be rude but he is indecisive, seems to not have a mind of his own, does not have much ambition, very rarely shows initiative and most of the time I feel like I have to show him how to do things/ do things for him. He is very sheltered growing up in the family being a single child and a male at that. I find myself also to be sheltered with still needing parents permission to go out and etc. however I think he is a lot more sheltered than I am. Im not sure if this is something that will eventually dissolve overtime through maturity hence I don’t know if I should gamble on that. Should I take a break? Would a break resolve anything? Should I wait it out? Should I help him grow? Give him advice? Or as much as I don’t want it to happen- break up? I do love him still but honestly he loves me so much that I don’t have the heart to tell him any of this. I want to make it work. I have tried to help him mature a little by telling him to make his decision and to stop putting thins off. What should I do? What should I be thinking? What would you do? Please help :(.
  6. I'm 36 m & i have this friend who's 28 f & 8 months pregnant. We have known each other for about 3 years now & the whole time we have both been single, about 12 months ago i realised that i was catching feelings for her so we started to hang out a bit more than usual but then she fell pregnant to a bloke who wants nothing to do with the kid at all & i got a bit jealous so i didnt go there as often for a few weeks. Lately i have been helping her out quite alot more than usual but she still only ever contacts me when she wants/needs something & this does my head in because i think that she only wants me around so i can help her & it makes me feel a little bit used. Neither of us have ever made a move on the other but she definately knows that i have feelings for her but i'm worried that if i make the first move that it might wreck our friendship so i decided to wait for her to make the first move. its been ages now & my feelings just get stronger each day that passes but i dont know what to do? Iv been single for around 4 years now & i'm so sick of being lonely & i really need to find someone for that human touch, I'm so confused & dont know what to do? Everytime i say to myself that "today i am going to tell her exactly how i feel" I end up getting cold feet & backing out for some reason & keep it all to myself. Iv never been good at picking up women, the feeling of being rejected absolutely sucks & hurts like hell so i think thats what stops me from openimng up to her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
  7. I'm not one to hide my feelings however I feel the need to express myself. Im spoken for and so is my best friend. But over the years I've fallen in love with her. Even before me and my girlfriend got together. I love my girlfriend. But for some reason I'm feeling very conflicted. And I don't know why. Should I bury it or speak about it? Any advice?
  8. Apologies for the long winded story, but here goes; I have been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years. I love him dearly, we do a lot together and I have honestly been at my best and my happiest with this man. I do not by any stretch feel any less feeling or love towards him! He can be a little cold and switched off at times, but that is just how he is. It does not make me love him any less. However, a situation with a very old male friend recently arose where we ended up in bed together. Don't judge me or lecture me on this, I know it was wrong and I don't need to be told further that it was wrong. I feel dreadful about it; from my perspective I stand to lose everything. A good friend, my partner and possibly my sanity. The friend has been in my life for a long time, and we have always had a very close relationship, and I truly enjoy the time we spend together. We have often been mistaken for a couple on outings due to the way we behave around each other. So, for years this guy has been mistaken for my partner, we have been alone around each other on so many occasions, we have shared a bed so, so many times and nothing has happened, he knows I am not single. And to clarify, I instigated everything that happened between us recently. Now that things have happened between my friend and I, he has confessed that he would love nothing more than to be with me but would absolutely never get in the way of my relationship - and I know that he wouldn't. But part of me is now thinking 'what if...' I feel like I am falling in love... whilst being in love with my partner. Is this even possible?! I'm tearing myself apart about this (so much so that I have booked in to see a therapist next week as I have managed to convince myself I am messed up in the head. Who does this in a loving, good relationship) I am at an emotional deadlock right now. This feels more like just a one night thing, or a slip of judgement. People often say that we cheat to try to fill in the blanks in our relationship or that we are missing something with the long term partner but this is absolutely not the case! I have a very happy relationship with my long term partner... I don't know what to do for the best!
  9. Hello, I'm in a pretty tough situation and want to gain some insight in how a person on the other end of this situation feels and thinks. I'll try to keep it short but complete. My (22,m) girlfriend (22) and I had been together for a year when she left to study abroad in Italy. Three months in, I planned to go visit her. Two weeks before I left, I discovered she cheated on me. I was angry, sad, frustrated and confused because our relationship was incredibly strong before she left, and she had a big anti-cheater mentality. We talked a lot after I knew and I knew I still loved her. She may have cheated but I know her, she isn't a liar. I knew I could forgive her, and allow her to prove her worth to me during this trip. She showed a lot of remorse and a lot of positive signs that she's genuine about making it right, showed a lot of respect for my position in this. I asked her, what do YOU want? Do you want to dedicate yourself to fix this, do you want a break, or do you want to be free? She told me there is nothing she wanted more than me to come visit her to fix things. I'm writing this on my final day here. When I arrived we had a talk. She told me she's very confused because I insisted on her thinking about what she wants. She told me more or less that because I didn't really get furious and insult her, she didn't feel the natural response of wanting to win me back. That she feels nothing at all now, that she feels like she's inside of a mental black hole. I mean, I came over expecting her to practically throw herself at me, with me having to keep her on a distance for myself. But she told me she wants nothing more than to feel the vibe and energy she felt before, which she doesn't feel now. She wanted to start over as friends and fall in love with me again. I understand her situation here, I know her, and I know she's living in another reality now. That's why I am open to forgiveness, she has lost herself and made a mistake. I also genuinely understand this is all happening very quickly after D-day, we both thought we'd have more clearer thoughts about it all by now. So I agreed. I promised myself to be positive, because being sour all the time wouldn't be fun for myself. I noticed that she lost the physical attraction to me, but still feels very emotionally connected. On the other hand, I am still attracted to her, but lost the connection because of the cheating. We had a pretty busy schedule planned. I sort of pushed myself to just be myself, the person she fell in love with. Doing things together made me feel like in the old days. We did everything a couple does, except for the romantic stuff. That part made me most confused. So while I (and we) truly had fun doing things, this started to eat at the back of my mind. Almost every moment where we weren't busy exploring cities, visiting stuff, my head got very chaotic and I closed up. I got frustrated with how I felt like I'm putting in effort by being myself around her, while she didn't seem to do the same and it should be the other way around. I expected her to be more affectionate, to try harder. I noticed us growing closer during the day, by having fun with each other, since we both missed each other. But most nights when we got back to the hotel, I had time to think and we had difficult talks. These talks were necessary but obviously pushed her away more and more. She said she truly wants to feel the spark again, but just couldn't bring herself to be intimate with me because it would feel very fake on her part. While I'm convinced being physical was necessary to bring back the spark. She did feel SOME things. After a fun day she'd rest her head on my shoulder, or hold my hand when waking up in the morning. Those things were real. This convinced me that it CAN work out, some day, when she's back. Call me naive, stupid or whatever. I know her and I understand her position, this whole thing feels a bit forced because we both had little time to think about it. We had a supposed-to-be final talk yesterday, an incredibly difficult goodbye. We agreed to break up, and maybe find eachother again later in life. This girl is an amazing person, the reason I fell in love with her is because she's always real, she's genuine, doesn't search for excuses in this and doesn't want to see me suffer. I would've wanted to stay together on certain terms, with a kind of break. But for that I need sex, sounds dumb but it's true, I can't go another three months being dry. And she said she just couldn't give me what I want, she wanted that she'd be able to, and thought she would be. I know it sounds dumb on my part, but I don't want to lose her. I'd like to re-evaluate when she gets back, but I can't do that knowing and not knowing whatever she's doing here. She feels like she doesn't deserve a break after what she did, that she doesn't deserve me thinking about her and partially waiting for her. It's in both our best interest to break up completely, because I can't afford to keep her on my mind, that's unhealthy. And she needs to sort her own mind. I explained how I feel about this. She didn't expect me to be so understanding, feels grateful and respects me for it, but it kinda made her lose the spark. She told me her image of me changed for the better, that only now she realizes what a beautiful person I am. Which makes her feel even more ty about what she did. She told me she would, despite the break up, remain celibate out of respect for me. She would view our break-up as a break, but insists that I go my own way, and possibly think of her when the time comes. This is just happening very fast, I know. I will go back home and move my thoughts by focussing on school and looking for other girls. I want to know if I handled this right. A part of me 'regrets' that I didn't get more angry with her, another part feels good because this is who I am. I am the bigger person and there's nothing bad that can be said about me. I was open about my feelings, and I saw this hurt her so much more than I could have by being angry. I proved who I am, I made her realize what I'm worth and what she threw away. That second chance is still lying on the table for her, because she wasn't ready to grab it, which I understand. I won't be waiting. I was still in the city for a day after the 'breakup' before leaving and couldn't help but feel like yesterday's goodbye wasn't enough for closure on my part. This sounds very dramatic but I waited in front of her door to meet her when she'd go to class. I stood there for nearly three hours (in the rain!), turned out she couldn't get out of bed, sobbing. Eventually she answered my text that she's home. I asked for five minutes of her time. I gave her a big ol' tight hug (she was reluctant), telling her: "I understand you, I get you, I know you and respect you for who you are. I don't regret coming here, making this trip with you and getting to know you even better. I know this is happening too quickly, so I understand why you couldn't grab my second chance. It's still there for when you're ready, but it won't be waiting and I could be gone. Respect me the way you told me yesterday. But above all, respect yourself. Don't let yourself be used like what happened, you're better than that." When I said that, she literally broke down sobbing, telling me she's so sorry, I love you. And wouldn't let go of the hug, while she didn't want to be hugged in the first place. Then I said goodbye. This really is the best thing I could've done, I feel free and confident. While she feels even worse than before, fully realizing who walked away from her and what she lost. I wrote this post throughout the day. First part in the morning, second part when I saw her during noon, and this part while I'm sitting at the airport waiting on my flight home. Now I feel sad, I'm almost crying. I miss her and want nothing else than things being like they were before she left. I want to text her this and that, but I'm too stubborn because she needs to do the chasing, I have a spine. This is incredibely difficult and this whole week was an emotional rollercoaster. We both want things to work out one day. I think if I lose control and text her about how I still do love/miss her, she will lose the respect I earned. FML.
  10. I’ve been in a relationship for 9 months now but I still don’t feel like I’m in love or falling in love with my boyfriend. Our conversations don’t go very deep it’s usually just about family and friends and their lives. I love having deep conversations and I want to be able to talk to the person until the cows come home. The thing is the guy is such a decent guy and he will do anything for me. He even took me to Paris for my birthday, he holds the car door open for me and is such a gentleman but I just can’t bring myself to love him. Our relationship also lacks intimacy..I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t want to be stuck in a loveless relationship and marry someone I don’t love. But I am terrified if I let him go I won’t find someone that cares for me just as much or find anyone at all.
  11. This is not going to be a rant as I have already had my share of ranting offline, this is more of a unanimous decision from the unbiased online audience, while this maybe subjective but I will just try to keep it short and simple I have been "seeing" this girl for a good 5 months now and in the beginning it was all very casual, I didn't have any hopes or wasn't even seeking anything but things started to develop, that's how usually things happen to me -- you don't expect it or want it but eventually it does happen and I fell for her While she stated in the beginning she is a free spirit and doesn't believe in monogamy and wants to keep our relationship open, I first didn't have a problem with that as I didn't see myself developing any sort of feelings but now after many dates and "fill in the blanks" I am able to safely say that I can no longer feel as neutral as I was in the begining I am not going to lie, I am not the person to commit to anything or anyone and I think the fact that I just feel that there is a slight chance the girl I am with might find interest in another guy or girl -- the answer is "yes" However things changed and I did develop feelings but I am now in that phase where I am acting, although I have to mention that at some point I did break up with her but decided to go back and try again but I still feel like some part of me is dead and struggling because of the fight between what I want and what I should do So the question remains shall I just pull the plug or just keep it going and I know, also I am inclined to pull the plug but if I am hopeful or think that maybe another angle/pov might give me a different perspective on how to approach this challenge
  12. Hi there, my name is Konstantin I have a really BIG problem and I am asking your help and your advices. I have fall in love with a lesbian. I have told her that I am attracted to her, but unfortunately she's a lesbian. She told me the same night when I express my obsession to her, she told me "If I ever get back to straight (because she was straight before) I will be the first person to know. What to do to bring her back to straight?? Thanks for your time and sorry for my English
  13. I’ve been dating a guy for 6 weeks now. We are both divorced, have children, full time jobs and live 50 miles from each other, yet, we manage to see each other once or twice a week when we don’t have our kids. I have completely fallen for him so now my emotions are involved and I feel hurt when I’m not with him because he just goes MIA. He was never the next texter, I’d get something maybe every 3 days, but at least when we have plans, I will get a random “good morning beautiful, only two more days :)”. Now, I just don’t get that anymore. What confuses me though, is that when we are on a date, he will already initiate seeing me again and make plans with me. So this leads me to believe he does have some level of interest. And while he can choose to see others closer to him, he puts in the effort to see me. I also visit him and usually these are overnight visits where he would take me to a nice dinner, we would maybe watch a game, talk for hours, etc. And he is extremely affectionate- hold my hand in public, kisses me, caresses me, holds me at night... He’s just amazing. Last weekend, I finally told him I enjoy him so much I don’t want to see others, and he said the same, that he enjoys his kids, his alone time, and being with me and he’s not looking for anything else as he is extremely content. I also mentioned the dating site we met through and asked if he was still active on it. He said no- even though he is still on it- and said he doesn’t interact or message anyone on there really. He basically just looks. After I opened up, I noticed he did a little too. He started showing me pictures of his parents and extended family. Then upon kissing me goodbye, he invited me to a game this weekend which would be the first time I would be introduced to his friends. Sounds interested right? Well the problem is that I feel like if I don’t reach out every couple of days, I’ll never really hear from him. I don’t receive any texts to give me any confidence that he’s even into me. If I text him, however, he responds immediately. What’s bothering me now is that a few days ago, I asked him if he wanted to meet for lunch- he’s literally in the suite next to mine about once a week. He said he wished but couldn’t because he was not going to be in the suites that day but would let me know how the week progresses because he knows he will be there towards the end of this week. Well two days ago, I was copied on an email (or companies sort of intertwine), and he mentioned to the guy he was emailing that he would be around tomorrow. Well... looks like he already knows he will be around, so why have I not heard from him? And tomorrow (Friday) will be the first weekend evening I won’t see him. He did not plan anything with me. He did plan something Saturday- the game-, but haven’t heard anything about that either so I’m wondering if that’s even going to happen. He seems into me when we’re together but I feel like there’s disconnect there when we’re not. Sounds like he’s not interested? I don’t know if it’s even worth bringing it up to him cause it may make me sound needy perhaps? And advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. This is the first guy I’ve really liked in years and I’ve fallen for him. It hurts feeling like he’s not feeling the same way.
  14. Hello everyone, I would like to know if there are others out here that feel the same as me nad how do you cope with it. My story is quite strange I know. At 31 in March 2017 I had my first kiss, I went to a couple of dates with a guy, but I knew I could never fall in love with him and stopped it. A week after that, I started going out with someone else, I asked him and after a great first date (in my opinion of course) he said that we had to do it again, that week we saw each other five times, eh eh, I know I know, it is the tipical cliche'. However I could not believe it, I could not believe it of him because he a doctor, at that time 33, so smart, a lot of going on for him, so I could not believe it he did not find me interesting and even if when he told me that he was not looking for a long story, at the fifth date (when I got scared of what he was doing and I told him I was a virgin) in that first week, thinking on how interested he seemed, and there, and trusting his words, he wa s so good with words, I agreed. In a sense, it was a relief, because I could have (at least this is what I thought) all the dating experiences (going to museums, concerts, trips) without having to worry about being in love or whatever. You could guess how it went, after two months when we finally did it, he started to distance himself from me but still writing to me everyday and giving adult excuses, like work and friends, and I believed him and kept my life busier than before with new friends and activities, losing 8 kg, improving my clothes, acutally becoming the absolute best of myself. Finally after two months of that, I asked what was going on and he admitted that he had done it on purpose because he did not know how to say that he did not want to see me and to consider him as a friend to experiment with. I did not want to lose him, so for me to whom friendship has been always so important for me it was fine, so I would have not lose him, but I said to him that if I had to like someone else (as you can guess I was not confident and also for something that happened in high school I don't like to be touched and I am not touchy feely even with my friends, women and men alike) I had to stop having sex with him. I went on holiday to my homecountry for a month and asked him to stop talking every day. When I came back he tried to seduce me again, this time I could see me and what he did and also said, about me inviting him home too soon and trusting him too soon hurt me a lot. I ended it but saying that I wanted us to be friends. He, I thought, is such a great person that I want him as friend, he had been so good in giving me advice and so interested in my work that I want him there, even if he will not fall in love with me. I was so stupid. In the mean time, when we still were seeing each other, he had become friends with a woman, a brilliant, kind, sincere, doctor. And they had become friends, true friends I would say. After a month or so that I left him, I was doing well, still with many activities, but still sad because I wasn't finding someone else that I liked. I asked to see him because I missed him and he told me, at the cafe we were, that he had met someone else and he liked her a lot. That was the worst night of my life, I felt so alone and I wanted to kill myself. I felt so un-worthy, all around me there were guys who wanted only to have sex with me and nothing more. Three weeks, after that I met my boyfriend. I did not trust him at all. Luckily is the complete opposite of that other one and he behaved seriously from the beginning and even if with all that was going on in my mind we made i through to now, and I am very happy, thanks to him and my teraphist. The thing that still presses to my mind though is the guilt. Even if I realised that nothing I could have done would have changed his behaviour towards me, I feel guilty. I feel like I must have done something for a man like that, a man that a special woman like that loves, to behave that way with me; for an intelligent man, to look at me and faking that interest. Has this happened to any of you?
  15. Hello eNA, I’ve been with my girlfriend for nine months and I can honestly say it’sbeen perfect. WeÂ’ve met (and like) each otherÂ’s families, never argue and are supportive of each other. We spend quite a bit of time apart for work but there are never concerns expressed about what we’re doing or who we’re with. Until her most recent trip. She’s away on an adventurous mountaineering, rock climbing, nature, hiking trip and falling in love with it all. I’v been great for the duration of our relationship to keep the negative, self-sabotaging thoughts away but I can’t help it this trip. She has given no indication of infidelity but my mind is wandering. She’s had a couple hangovers on this trip (rare for her), there are guys in her posts and many late nights. I have no evidence to feel this way, as she’s been super sweet with her unprompted “I love you” and “miss you” messages but anyone can say that, right? I mean, there are many cheatees out there who “didn’t see it coming.” My cynicism and little faith in relationships is rearing its ugly head at the worst time as we’re talking about moving in together. To be clear, I haven’t expressed any of these concerns to her because she admires my confidence and this would be the opposite. Can someone talk me off the ledge so I can keep this awesome relationship awesome? Cheers
  16. My wife loves cosplay. She goes to festivals and conventions and has a respectable following. I don't like going, because it's hard to watch all these other guys leer, hug, kiss and flirt with my wife, and when I don't go I imagine all the fun she is having without me. She gets upset if I appear angry, but it's hard. Is it my own insecurity that causes me to feel this way? Two years ago she met a younger man, they had a couple months where they hung out and we separated for a time as she fell in love with him and wanted to see if she could be happier with him. Right after we separated, he stopped talking to her and pretty much ignored her since. I don't think I've forgiven her for falling in love with someone else, nor have I forgiven myself for not fighting harder to keep her. I thought if I wasn't making her happy she deserved to find someone who would, so I basically pushed her away. Now she says she only wants me, and all the guys at the festival and conventions mean nothing, but they constantly message her on Facebook and comment on her pictures. She doesn't hide anything from me (that I know of) but I don't really want to read all the gushing, flattering things they write. It seems like they disrespect me...flirting with my wife right in front of me. And I feel like I can't do anything about it because my wife loves the festivals and conventions and gets upset if I appear angry...any advice?
  17. Hi everyone. I’m struggling with something and I would appreciate your advice. Those of you who follow my threads may know that I am a nearly 30 y.o. lesbian woman who’s had plenty of bad dating experiences in the past few years. Ever since one girlfriend left me in 2013 I cannot seem to find happiness in love again. Now it’s been about 8 months since I last dated, let alone talked to a woman who interests me. Right now I am talking to a woman I met through Tinder (awful medium btw), and I have this feeling we kind of connect which is a rare thing for me. Downside: this woman says she thinks to be straight but is somehow dissapointed in men and struggles to crush on guys again. She changed her tinder settings to men and women “to see what’s out there” and maybe explore if she is into women at all. She says she can find women attractive and sometimes wonder what sex with a woman would be like. So we are talking online and seem to have quite a lot in common. On top of that she is a cute woman, not a supermodel or anything but totally my type. We talked about types and she says she can find women very attractive, and that she thinks I am cute too. Don’t really know how to interpret this, as coming from a possible straight woman. Anyway, she suggested to meet sometimes - this is where I struggle: do I take the chance to meet her and get to know her better but risk falling in love with a straight girl and another heartache, or do I let this one pass? It’s easy to say just meet her and don’t fall in love but I know me and there is a fair chance I am going to be into this woman and that I won’t be able to stop myself from having feelings. (I don’t develop feelings for someone easily but I recognize the types I tend to fall for and think she may be in that category). So what would you do? The statement goes “what if i fall? But darling what if you fly” but I have had my fair share of serious heartbreak and I am desperately trying to avoid another one! Advice is needed..
  18. Hello, I am writing here cause I have an interesting story. I know this guy for 6-7 months in my university, but we never have had so much contact. He is one of the sweetest guys I have ever meet, stressfree, logical, so respectful with me and other people, has good humour is intelligent, doesn't speak too much, and so on... has made me fall for him. I don't usually fall that much for crushes, they are just temporary. But this one is different. I have seen him during this months being so nice to me, waiting sometimes to have the road togetehr home from uni, smiling at me once in a while, showing some kind of affection, and we have had pretty nice conversations even though so short in those times we ve gone back home together. Anyway I find him way to shy, or with a high attitude to ask me out. I have made it easier for him like talking about movies and saying to him I could see this movie with you but you have seen it already, but nah... he doesn't react to ask me out. I don't define if it is lack of interest (but the sign that he tells me to wait for him to have the road together sometimes tells me the not. And beleive me not to many people do it in my uni, guys are too cold including him or they have their own lives I don't understand. They feel like everybody is independent and we don't have to be so much in contact with friends here, so I appreciate and I call it a sign of interest from his part) .But what may it be, maybe he is a bit shy to ask me out or he isnt confident enough to handle teh rejection? I find him enough confident tho in classes. Well the thing is that I have fallen for him badly, but I don't know what to do. I cannot ask him out (I am not shy for this) but because: -it would be too much since he has attitude -i'm not sure 100 % he is interested -I have made it easier for him to ask me out by bringing the movies topic and saying I would go to that movie with him Why do I think he is interested on me: -He rememeber things I have said since the last time and like series, movies and asking me. -Asking me if I have been to the movies these times -Asking me to walk back home together (so rare tho cause he comes by car usually) And the most important thing is that I have so much time that I haven't find somebody so great, and that would make me feel so good (I can feel he is the greatest guy I have ever met) and the bad thing is I am so afraid of losing this thing, and I feel an emptyness since I will met him for the last time in uni this month. Thanks for reading, I just wanted to know your opinions is it possible to fall for somebody so bad even though you don't have too much contact and the other question is what to do in this case when you fall for a shy guy and with a high attitude, and you already have given him a possibilty to ask you out in movies?
  19. I've been working in a small private organization for a year and a half. This January I realized I'm attracted to my boss and although I try to control it and not to think about it much, my attraction doesn't go away. There is a mutual understanding and sympathy between us, and I know he likes me as a person and probably also as a woman, because I catch him staring at me several times. But he is married so there is a big NO for me. He is very smart, open, kind and warm person, I would say he is also good looking (though he is not a typical handsome man) and when I see him, I feel almost happy. He always smiles when he sees me and is usually excited. the thing is that sometimes I feel like I will burn because of the attraction. Last time we were discussing and reading some papers in his office, sitting side by side on the arm chairs and I was so excited that I couldn't concentrate well. When I was leaving his office, he stand up beside me to read something in the papers I was holding. He was standing only about 5 cm away from me so I could feel the warm of his body and again - I couldn't concentrate and I felt like burning. I dont know if he knows I feel such a strong attraction to him, but I also realized that I'm sad when I don't see him at work. I would like to stop this attraction, because I feel like it's getting out of my control. Do you have some tips for what to do, please? PS: I cannot leave the job -1) it's a very good job and 2) im currently working on a project that cannot be stopped
  20. 35-year-old gay man here. I met an amazing guy about a month ago. Since the first date things have clicked really well. I know it's early but I think I'm falling in love with him and I think he's falling in love with me. I've had a few relationships so far, and the connection in this one feels much deeper and authentic. I'm very comfortable with him, he makes me feel safe, we seem to communicate well and openly, etc. I admittedly have had a little anxiety about this not working out and getting hurt. He's given me zero reason to feel this way and I've accepted that a lot of that is in my head and I think I've had enough relationship and life experience to keep my head in the game and live in the present. My question is this- he's 28, he's been out for a couple of years, but he's never been in a serious relationship before and he said he's never been in love before. I've had a number of guys for whom I've had unreciprocated feelings for, and I've also been in relationships (with men and women) that were ultimately unfulfilling for me, so this is shaping up to be the first relationship that I've been in in which we both seem quite into each other. And honestly, when I was 28 I was still very, very deep in the closet. Should I be worried or restrained regarding his relationship inexperience? So far he's been very open, communicative, and sincere.
  21. Hi folks im an extremely passionate dancer basically massage therapist gorgeous highly intelligent protective etc and I have a tendency to move really fast with girls, I think a lot in part because of how I make love. So basically my friend who I never thought I was ever going to even with invited me over to her house and some how, divine intervention I guess, we ended up in eachothers arms. So basically she swept me off my feet a bit because she was being really deep and real with me. This kind of stuff moves me because as much as I'm very much a man, I'm actually a giant chick in so many ways, so I appreciate intimacy very much like women do. Another amazing thing about the night was the best tasting lips I ever tasted, what? Ive tasted so many lips lol. As in actually the best tasting most pillowy lips. She wasnt even like an aamzing kisser, just an ok one, but it didnt seem to matter at all. Best smelling neck etc... So yeah needless to say I was kinda shook by all this. She walked me to my bus stop and fit so snug into my arms. We didnt go all the way tho. Was nice 4 that reason too in a way. So then yesterday she came over and stayed the night and basically she had never seen my apartment and its like sort of a temple in here and just a cool pad, and also I'm a dancer and shes a dancer, but I dance a style of a dance that she really likes, and she dances stuff I really like. So we are both dancing for eachother and having so much fun. Too much fun. She fell in love my space and my sense of style and was basically a little shook up because it was so much exactly the type of place she loved. At night we slowly started kissing with all our clothes on until like an hour later we were both naked with this body bar I grabbed which is basically just essential oils and like what can I say, we were both in heaven. Still no actual penetration sex tho. For some reason I kinda think thats important to the story. Then we fell asleep in eachothers arms and slept like that all night without moving. The next day we danced again for hours and had a great morning. Sometimes I would pick her up and she would wrap her legs around me. Our bodies connected so perfectly together it was like they were built for eachother. So ya. I walked her to the subway station and she had her hand on my arm the whole way there, or our arms around eachother, which was also ridiculous because you know how you usually bump into someone when your walking down the street with your arm around them? Its just never perfect right. Nope not with this girl. Shes just the perfect height and we were effortlessly walking in sync with eachother. Now that I'm writing about it, I'm actually a little more floored by that simple but highly unusual fact. So basically what I'm saying is that the universe basically is smacking us both upside the head with some heavy duty beautiful but scary stuff and I think were both kinda freaked out right now. Basically I guess we both know that we are about to fall in love and in a way it feels like we already have, but realistically we dont know eachother THAT well, so like I think were both starting to realize that fact and thats scaring us a bit, cuz were like well what if some real comes along and is just a deal breaker even though we have this amazing chemistry. That would hurt so bad. Were already both at this place where we are in the hands of the other. She said she had a panic attack after I dropped her off at the subway. She said it was because she had to tell me her story. What does that even mean? Why you have a panic attack because of that? Its cuz we are moving too fast!!! I want to slow down. Like I wanna stop making this a thing. Its bugging me. I wanna enjoy it for what it is and stop feeling like we gotta make this huge thing work because we just click like that and if she doesnt tell me her story right away the sky is going to fall or something. I really feel that way. Its just too freaking good. You know I was just talking to my boy about how I really wanted to meet adancer who was on my lvl and then comes along not only a dancer who is on my lvl, but a dancer who is on my lvl who has the best tasting lips and the best chemistry of any girl I ever met, with a great personality and who dances so sexy for me that I'm just in heaven. & the funny thing is she feels the exact same way about me. So yeah because of all that crap I think we both are like oh this is too big we r gonna get crushed. I found myself sending a couple of sorta clingy sounding txts because I think I just wanna know like we made it through that really scary part early on in a relationship where u see if your ACTUALY COMPATABLE, and I'm like oh god is she gonna do something weird now. So yeah its making it kinda hard for me to keep my together and not send texts asking her to chill the very next night n lol. Like how she gonna tell me she needs to tell me her story now. I was basking in the glow of so many good feelings and now I'm like hey what the heck your right! And it scares me when this just feels up in the air. I'm just so sick of people going weird on me. I was hoping u guys could offer me some good advice on slowing this thing down. If u have ever met someone that u just super clicked with u will know how scary it can be! What can I say to her that will reassure her, but will also make it clear that I feel like we are moving too fast. The thing is, now I'm not even sure its a good idea to slow down tho. Maybe we should jsut keep going fast or will it cause us more problems? Oh and what about the fact that we havnt slept together? I'm starting to get to the point where I feel like I will be more secure if we go all the way. Thats ridiculous right? See im such a chick lol Please help me
  22. Will people fall in love with you after you change (personality wise)? I don't mean a woman changing herself in order to get a man who was not originally into her, into her. I am asking if a woman has some red flag issues - such as being incredibly insecure, negative and clingy. If such a woman one day transforms and become completely healthy, confident and positive by and for herself. Will this make someone who dated her before when she had issues, who found her physically attractive, likes her but not into her enough to call her gf, into her and want to be with her now? Or is it more that if that person was not in love with you at your worse, they probably won't when you become 10x more fab personality wise anymore? I know there is a multitude of factors affecting the answer. But I want to hear what you think based on your experience. r
  23. One month ago today, I decided enough was enough. I needed to stop the madness I was living in. I went NC. I wasn't sure I could even do it. This was the person I looked forward to speaking with, we had some sort of communication everyday for a year and a half. Looking back now, I am ashamed of myself, yes, ashamed. I had become a willing participant in something so unhealthy that it had skewed my perception of what we really were, the fact that I was his fall back girl. I can't even begin to understand how or WHY I let that happen. After years if being single by choice, I allowed myself to fall in love with the most selfish, self absorbed, immature man I've ever met. Amazing how love can truly blind you to all a person's bad characteristics. Now, 30ty days in, I can see it for what it really was, certainly for what it wasn't. I won't lie and say he doesn't cross my mind, more than he should but less than he did. I've had days where I almost gave in and reached out to him, thinking he's just waiting for me, but I didn't. I recall all the posts I've read here about moving on, healing and NC. The words of encouragement, the amazing advice given by so many who have been where I am now. The hard, ugly truth that's often blocked by people going through the emotional rollercoaster of a break up, and it saved me. Saved me from stepping back into the mess. I feel as if a fog is slowly lifting, I'm gradually seeing things clearly. I'm on my way to finding ME. The damage, the hurt caused by this will eventually fade, however the lesson learned is forever with me. In all my years, I never knew a person who could use people this way, for that I'm lucky, I know. There is still a part of me that hopes he will always have moments when he thinks of me and regrets letting me walk away, even though I know he won't. I always expected him to help me become the best me possible, just not in the way he did it. #ONEMINUTEATATIME
  24. Hello, Im new here so not sure if this is the right place for this. Anyways over the last weekend my girlfriend of 2 years made the decision to take a break which caught me totally off guard. To get to the point a little quicker over the last year i got too comfortable and started to take her out less (almost never) and she started to feel neglected which I totally understand. I asked her to talk a few days later and we did for about 3 hours where I put it all on the plate admitting that I totally saw where I went wrong and that she means the world to me and that I can turn myself around. She told me she is still very much in love with me and doesnt want it to end but that I need to put in the work to show her I really mean it. To give a little more information about myself I am preparing over the last few months for some surgery that is probably the thing I am most fearful of in this world but it needs to get done. Her mom reached out to me and talked to me about it and she told me she would really like to see me with her daughter and so did her brother, I spent thanksgiving day with her and her family mind you this is about 4 days after we broke up. I really want to make this work and keep her in my life she truly means the world to me and im just not really sure what to do at this point. I am treating this as I am completely starting over in terms of making my mentality that I am falling in love with her again and talking her out on dates (Like I should have been) and really showing her what she means to me. Any input would be amazing and im sorry for being kind of all over the place in this post im not usually someone who posts to threads. Thanks
  25. Hi everyone, A couple of days ago by boyf of 3 months ended it with me. I've been getting and continue to get mixed signals from him. Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts about this story: We were both instantly attracted to each other. Had a couple of dates before anything happened. Then we very quickly fell "in love" and got close very quickly - though he was really setting the pace. He told me he loved me after about day 4. We had an amazing time together. Then after about 2 months we were both really stressed out and this caused a bit of friction - but not a lot and we were never nasty to each other and talked it through. He became distant for a couple of weeks then told me he needed space to sort his head out. I was fine with this as he'd warned me early on that he would need space sometimes. He was relieved when I said I'd give him space, and even wanted to sleep with me and was lovely for the couple of days before he went away. 2 weeks he was away and sent me a few fairly sweet texts. I agreed not to contact him but gave in after about a week and a half - rang him but just had a nice casual chat with him. When he came back the other day he told me he wasn't confident that it was going to work and he needed to focus on himself and the stuff he wants to do (he's very busy and wants to make a career in music). Though part of him thought I would be good for him and I had a relaxing effect on him. He thought I was so kind to give him the space he needed. He said he still has feelings for me and he said it was really hard to see me because I'm such a beautiful person. But that he didn't want to mess me around and had so many doubts, he needs headspace and not worry about anyone else's needs. I told him i was still really into him and didn't want to take up a lot of his time and wouldn't expect him to put me in front of his music (he'd go insane without this). But that if he had nothing to give to the relationship and it didn't feel right, then so be it. I had to say "it's over" I cried a bit but was very understanding and didn't get angry, this seemed to surprise him. I don't know if I'm over analysing here but after we'd agreed to end it and were leaving, he said to someone who was trying to talk to us "we're a couple and we're having problems" Then when we parted he hugged me for ages and didn't want to leave or let go of me. He called me "babe" and said it was breaking his heart to do this, that I was so beautiful. I said thankyou for the time we'd spent and that I didn't regret it. That I'm sad and will miss him, but will be ok. I had to tell him to go. He wanted to arrange to hang out with me - not as a consolation prize but because he really cared about me and liked being with me. I said no - not for a while - i need time to heal before we could be friends. Any input would be appreciated - I'm very confused here! Sorry for the long e-mail...
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