The Morrigan

Don't be too aggressive - take it slow, explore lips and use small nibbles instead of just shoving the tongue in, it's a kiss, not a tonsillectomy

My immediate thought was the married friend of your husband probably wanted your husband along for propriety's sake, so he wouldn't be biking alone with a single woman himself. I don't think that's particularly unusual there.

offer to rent dvds or vid games if she's into those, order pizza or bring some popcorn and munchies and hang, your house or hers, so her parents can get more comfortable - or see if her parents mind if it's a mall date where they or your parents can let you go to the movies there while they shop with an agreed on time to meet in the food court or something. If they're the type to be a bit protective they'll appreciate the extra courtest of being able to see you a bit and be able to keep an eye out without having to "enforce" it, and you might get a little more leeway to hang out.

Heatrae... Honey... your first post about B was about a YEAR AGO, on THIS FORUM. Honestly - how far have you progressed in that time where B is concerned? Do you feel ANY BETTER in or about the on/off relationship? Has he done ANYTHING to make you feel more important in his life, to make you feel like he's working towards giving you what you deserve from him? I'm not trying to hurt you, ok? But honestly, what's left you haven't tried? You've tried not pressuring him, and it's gotten you a happy guy who left you to spend holidays alone, and expected you to understand. You've tried pulling away, and he pushes your buttons making you wonder, worry, and question til a strong show of affection seems like more of a committment on his part. You've tried talking to him logically and reasonably, and been told he's "working on things" and you should trust him. Sweetie... it's time. Time to stop questioning his actions - and start really looking at your own, and what they're doing for you. Stop trying to be so fair to him that you're crippling yourself with "what if"s and take stock of what you really want for yourself here, ok?

I beg to differ - with only one exception, I've only been approached by YOUNGER guys since I've been separated. To my surprise, there are a lot of guys who are actively looking for more maturity than they've found in younger women. That said - I'm sorry you've had to go through that - but IMO it's pretty immature and shallow to go seeking out someone younger based on just that, without considering other things in life. And if that's the basis for his decision, or part of it - she's more trophy than partner - not a desireable position to be in. One thing is certain - she too WILL get older. Youth is fleeting - as are youthful looks, you can do better than someone who's willing to be attracted to that first and not look deeper. There are plenty of guys who appreciate women who have enough experience to have more of an idea of what they really want and value - you might hit some losers along the way, but I'm sure you'll hit on one who shares your ideas and will value you for exactly what your ex didn't.

Stunt would be to permanently impair it - and no, normal working out and exercising isn't going to do that, or even slow it down. If your hands are that large - your body is likely to grow into them - at 13, you still have a couple growth spurts left, not to make the direct comparison, but just like a lot of people will look at a puppy's paws to get an idea of potential size - some body parts tend to grow a bit faster than others. You're likely to go through more than a few years of awkward and gangly stages as different parts of you catch up - in a few years you may end up skinny and long armed and legged from a growth spurt feeling like an uncoordinated octopus for a bit! It'll even out in the end! One good thing exercising regularly will do is help stabilize your metabolism a bit so you'll be less likely to gain weight between spurts, and help keep your muscles and joints flexible and toned as they grow, which'll help avoiding some of the "growing pains" some guys go through.

Where do you draw the line between "tradition" and "upbringing?" I know myself and most of the girls I knew were told we were being TOO forward and not acting like we should - and wouldn't be viewed with respect, if we were too bold or forward. Sorry mom, I've gotten past it with age But it DOES take extra nerve to overcome both fear of rejection AND what you've been taught, all at once. Look at how many guys AND girls worry about pleasing their parents even after adulthood, and you can get an idea of how it feels when certain behaviour is "expected." I've not had a problem doing the approaching since my late teens/early 20's though - and have had both rejection and acceptence - I don't see the point in waiting around anymore to find out for too long if I'm interested I will feel things out for a little - but if the atmosphere seems like there's a shot, why wait for the guy to make a move? At least a tentative exploration "hey, you ever thought about..." can certainly give an idea if an advance is in order, and certainly takes away the "I wonder... nah, well maybe... nah... but..." circle. Ok, so eternal patience isn't my strong point - I'd rather know

An answer you won't like - it depends on way too many variables. How certain the ex was when ending the relationship, if the feelings had really died or if there were just issues that made things seem impossible despite the feelings, if they get into a rebound relationship, it all comes into play. For example, I've known several dumpers who got involved in rebound relationships that seemed terrific at the time - but when they failed for various reasons, the first reaction was to contact the ex. To feel things out? First person thought of for support when the new relationship was gone? Any or many reasons possible there. When the dumper really is certain - it's a relief at first, and even then there's a bit of nostalgia, from experience. For me, at least in part, the issues directly FOLLOWING the breakup solidified my feelings even more than the issues during the relationship - the relentless pursuing and pressuring for months put the nails in the coffin so to speak. Now, I can't say for certain there WOULD have been a chance without that, but I know it really affected my attitude and outlook. I can say in most cases, at the LEAST, breathing room is necessary, because without it it's a constant battle feeling a need to justify your decision and a horrible awkwardness and pain having to reject someone repeatedly when you're already hurting from initiating a breakup - it's generally not that easy for most, though some may find it so. You feel guilty for saying no, the dumpee feels like crap from hearing no - both parties walk away from contact like that feeling horrible, which does nothing to make the dumper WANT more contact. I've been the dumper once in certainty, and once was more a technicality - in the first case, there wasn't "no contact" til recently, and I can say it's made recent contact much easier revolving around the kids - not so much easier to move on as no longer actively trying to escape. In the case where it was issues and I still deeply loved my bf - I'd have had him back in a minute if he would have had me, even knowing his faults and how he had neglected me and many many months later - and that would've been twice, I went through grief, anger, sadness, wondering if I'd done the right thing, if we could possibly have worked on things, etc. As it happened I had moved back in with my parents at the time, and they decided not to tell me when he called, and he'd moved and I didn't have his number.

Depends how late she is - if she's even missed a period yet. If she hasn't, then wait, simple stress can have similar symptoms to what people hear described, but very few symptoms start appearing before then, as a matter of fact, before a couple of months along, a missed period, very sore or tender breasts, sleepiness, rarely morning sickness, are about all that's noticeable - and not everyone even has all the symptoms. I had horribly tender/sore breasts around when my period was due - but a little tenderness is common then anyway, so I wasn't sure it wasn't just worse than normal before taking a test. Tell her to wait til she's about a week late - stress, emotional upset, colds and viruses, sudden changes in sleeping patterns even can disrupt the cycle a few days easily, so panicking at a day late sometimes just delays things more with the added worry and stress.

If you're not comfortable approaching your parents, try a counselor whether at school or somewhere else, or any other adult, aunt, uncle, anyone, you're comfortable talking to. You didn't do anything wrong here - you told him you didn't welcome his attentions, and he FORCED them despite that. That's sexual assault. No guy (or girl) has the right to try to force another to participate in any sexual act, or ANY act, without consent. I've been there - except with me it was saying I'd go to lunch with an older co-worker when I was 18 - he was 30. And he tried to force me to go parking, and since I was driving took advantage of that to have his hands and mouth everywhere despite me telling him I was only interested in LUNCH. His response? He'd already eaten and he assumed I wanted him! This despite the fact he knew I had a bf at the time. He actually had the nerve to tell me he knew I "wanted" him and was just being coy, even though I'd only spoken to him in passing previously. I went to my mom and the personnel department - after flooring the car and telling him I'd go faster til a cop pulled me over if he didn't quit. He was pissed as hell, but it cooled his jets - especially the talking to he got that he was on probation. Since this is outside of work, yes, report his sorry butt. Guys who think they're entitled to take what they want this way are often of the mindset of "she's playing hard to get, but she really wants it, I know she does" and his behaviour is likely to repeat with someone else if he doesn't get a reality check. You had the presense of mind to yell and fight back instead of being too afraid to - give yourself some credit for being able to get out of the situation, and report him before someone who doesn't have the guts to yell and fight him hard ends up in your position with similar or worse results. Don't be ashamed - you acquitted yourself well, he didn't get what he was after, and you got yourself off his menu, which is more than many manage. Take heart, you're not responsible for him being a neanderthal, and most guys would be appalled by his behaviour and sympathetic to you - so be proud you handled it as well as you did, and put the responsibility for his behaviour where it belongs - on him, not you.

I think there's always going to be friends you can discuss certain things with more easily than your partner from time to time - like when girl friends get together for a gab session, but the lines of who means what to you are still clear in your head and your actions there. When you're closer to someone than your significant other in a more intimately emotional way to where it starts to override the relationship - then it's a problem. Just like when a fleeting lustful thought or fantasy gets the impact of intent behind it, when it's occupying a spot excluding your partner - it's a problem. I think that's where the problem with porn comes in, where it's no longer just a passing stimulation but a necessity that claims a spot above and outside your sexual life with your partner. More a matter of value, where your partner is usually at least equal to your family, and equal or above your friends when if comes to who you consider first - when someone else or something else starts filling that role, there's bound to be conflict. Just my opinion

Since they're gay - ask yourself this - is this behaviour you'd consider acceptable from a hetero female friend of yours? Comments that your date is cute is one thing - but actually trying to get a date with your date definitely rates a "not bloody cool" from me - if one of my girl friends did that I know I would be pretty angry. And someone's sexual orientation doesn't give them license to treat YOU differently with respect to the respect and consideration you should expect from them as friends. Have a talk with them - and if they just don't "get it" you might have to keep them apart from your dating life and develop other friends in a wider circle who are on the same page as you to include with your dates - you don't have to alienate them completely if you still want to stay friendly, but no sense putting yourself in a situation with them where you know their reactions and actions will upset you either.

You also might try interspersing some more "casual" stuff, depending on the things you like, like say you have to shop for a present for a relative, a trip out shopping to get her input and maybe grab lunch or coffee is a good chance to talk and also get a handle on some of her tastes for your own benefit while you're at it. A nice day can make for a spontaneous walk in the park and grabbing some hot dogs from a stand, with more chances to talk and just enjoy company for a short time, not everything has to be formal dates, and can be more relaxed, especially if she's the shy type

gymnastics - average height is shorter at the professional/high competition level just because most of the average and taller never make it to that level - tumbling, you have to be able to rotate your body in the air, and just laws of physics, proportionally, it's easier to get that quick rotation at a shorter height - go to a high school gym and the gymnasts, even those in it for years, tend to be closer to average height, and there are a few male and female at the national level who do make it at average and higher height. Might as well say football or basketball promotes growth because of the average size being so much bigger - it's not the case, just which size and build is best suited for the sport makes it APPEAR to correlate. Weightlifting can be similar, for a similar reason - the closer to the ground the center mass is, with strength and arm length being proportional, the easier it is, relatively speaking, to do the lifts - so you get to that high high competition level and many of the taller and longer limbed ones just aren't the right build to get that far. That said - what CAN happen is females in particular in INTENSE (and I mean VERY intense) athletics at a very young age CAN forestall the onset of puberty and retard the menstrual cycle or stop it altogether - but that's the result of keeping SUCH a low body fat ratio hormone levels are kept way below normal - and upon stopping the intense program, nature does catch up, my sister in law didn't have a menstrual cycle til she was almost 20, and she has a perfectly normal build and is 5 foot 10 inches tall now at about 30. so it can delay development - but the key word is delay, and usually only if it's started before puberty - and after things are at a normal level the hormones and body kick into high gear and catch up. Nutrition (or lack thereof), on the other hand, CAN stunt development, and you can get more deficient in some minerals and vitamins faster in an intense program - so eating well and taking a good multivitamin is a must to make sure you're supplying yourself with everything you're burning off. You DON'T want to keep competitve level bodybuilding body fat percentage every day, for example - that's why the pros only cut to that level for competition and go back to a normal fit ratio for regular training - it's just not healthy to keep it down THAT low all the time. Done right though - working out should, if anything, help your body reach it's potential quite nicely, not stunt it at all. Short of depriving yourself of nutrition, most of your growth is determined genetically and there's little you can do about that - just look good for your height and most people aren't going to bring a tape measure along (I competed in gymnastics, my sister in law was a competitive (jr olympic level) swimmer - and she was the one who delayed her maturation - and today I am 5 foot 2, she is 5 foot 10, go figure

Sometimes the question isn't so much "is this abuse" as "is this a healthy and balanced relationship?" If you're constantly in a power struggle, in no-win situations, being put on the defensive, changing your behaviour knowing otherwise there will be damage control for anything that isn't black and white "correct," you've got a problem. Some conflict, and some mental challenge is normal and healthy. When all your interactions and actions, or even the majority, have to be thought 2 moves ahead like a chess game, it's exhausting and you're no longer really in control of your own life. You find yourself making moves based not on how you feel, what you feel is right, but on how your actions will be perceived, and how things can be used AGAINST you. This isn't a position anyone should be put in. It's controlling and it's manipulative. I don't know what past issues keep being brought into the present, but while some issues (infidelity and outright lying for example) are major enough that that can be expected, if it's a pattern with even the smallest thing, then nothing ever really gets resolved. Which means you can't be human and make mistakes. And statements below the belt can happen - but it shouldn't be a regular part of any relationship. Anyone can slip up and say something regrettable, but there SHOULD be enough control exercised not to demean the other person in every argument or disagreement that comes up - that isn't something I'd accept from someone. I think that you're asking yourself these questions probably says you know there is a problem - and it doesn't have to be "abuse" by a specific set of rules. If it's consistently damaging to your emotional, mental, or physical health and the health of your relationship - it's not a situation you want to stay in as is. Something that causes you real damage in any shape or form in the name of love is destructive. Either come to an agreement about a real plan to change the problems, or get out.

1) eyes 2) hair 3) hands

Think of your emotions like a checking account - and every time you let him sway them you're letting him make a withdrawal from that account - something you could be investing in yourself, your new bf, your family and friends - sometimes catching yourself short and saying "whoa - he's not worth giving this energy and emotion to and there are plenty of people in my life who are" repeatedly is what it takes. It's not easy. It's not overnight, and you're not a bad person for resenting what he did - you're human, and you still have reflexes emotionally that let him intrude a bit. Maybe when you find yourself thinking of him and your emotions swaying that way, give yourself a shake and focus on doing something for you - it's still energy, just see about using it contructively, even if it's trying on clothes in your closet and putting aside the ones you bought that "seemed like a good idea at the time" and bagging them for friends to go through, or a local charity. Just trying them on and seeing ones you might have forgotten you look GOOD in can redirect that energy a bit and put the focus back where it belongs - on you. And by no means do you have to go out of your way to be super friendly if you don't feel like it, be casual and civil, but don't feel obligated to put on an act of good cheer either - you decide when enough is enough and what makes you feel good and what's only for their benefit. Your friends being considerate has been nice on their part - when you can think of him with a mental shrug, maybe a little curiosity of course, which is completely natural, but no "interest" so to speak, you can tell them you've really appreciated it, but if they want to invite him as well it's no biggie. Just make sure you're at the point by then you're comfortable with yourself and it won't really bother you no matter how he acts - how he acts is his problem, not yours, and shouldn't become yours

I'd have to say it depends. Is it just to be able to have a free place to crash? Does he contribute to his parent's household as if he were in an apartment? Between places on his own? Putting himself through school and can't afford both? Helping to care for a parent? Those are all perfectly valid reasons someone might live at home - I did periodically when I had financial problems though I always paid rent and bought my own food, and was putting myself through school. Now myself and two kids are living with my dad - but he can no longer live alone and needs a caretaker, and I don't consider that any free ride either, so it really depends on circumstances. Now, if he's got a decent job and is just preferring to spend on himself and not even saving towards say, home ownership and has no desire to be on his own, I'd say that could be a problem, especially if he's never had to pay his own way in any form.

I'll also say this - you don't always forgive someone because THEY deserve it, but because YOU don't deserve to carry them around as baggage. Forgive him so you can move on, not because you feel he's worth it - but because you're worth more than letting him have a place on the sofa in your new "room" so to speak of your life. Consider friendship when he's an invited guest and not imposing himself in your head - then you'll KNOW you're ready to deal with him on new terms.

Most of the time yes - because neither genitalia is completely formed properly. The catch is that (forgive me for a bit of a ramble) that outward appearances don't always reflect chromosomes - an intergender child can have the xy male chromosome and next to no penis and the appearance of more developed female genitalia, or vice versa - and assigning a female sex, regardless of upbringing, generally doesn't make the child feel any more female. If surgery really NEEDS to be done for function - a genetic test is considered the way to go to make sure the best decision possible is being made, and if it's not absolutely necessary, waiting til the child is old enough to have a say in the decision is the wisest move. Genetic testing is probably a good idea anyway to determine the most likely outcome and most likely leanings.

I've been taking a multivitamin consistently for a week - before that I was inconsistent, but it seems to make a difference when I do in terms of attitude and energy, it's laziness when I don't!

All my male cats have been neutered - and yes, it's necessary if you don't want to breed. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages. You did the right thing. There's the spraying, which is territorial, and which becomes really bad if there's any upset to the household, adding another pet, a new boyfriend or family member, even a new piece of FURNITURE can set it off marking territory more fiercely. And howling to get out upon scenting a female in heat isn't a treat either. Plus if he gets out, he won't wander as far or tend to get in territorial catfights as much. And you know he won't be contributing to the unwanted and feral cat population or be in danger from testicular cancer. It will take at least a couple weeks for him to get back to his old self between the anisthetic and the surgery itself - but you really shouldn't notice much difference after say a month or so, I know mine's activity level bounced back to normal after that, so relax, he'll be fine. You're a good mom!

STOP and think here. Of course you're going to miss some things about your ex - it's natural, and you've shared a lot. And EVERYONE who's ever been dumped would LOVE the satisfaction of knowing the ex wants them back - even when they're no longer wanted back. However, try and think longer range here - if you do indeed make him want you back - how is that going to affect the current relationship you're in? Is it worth making him want you at the possible cost of making your current guy feel insecure or miserable thinking you want your ex over him? Or have encouraged your ex and might take him back? If your only motive was friendship, it would be one thing, and I'd still let the current bf know upfront - because frankly, the more honest you are, the less chances for misunderstandings and insecurities to arise. If you're still wanting a reaction though - it's really something best left alone. It would be like poking a stick into a hornet's nest to see if there's anyone home - when you don't intend to take him back anyway and you're involved with someone else, there's really not much good, and a LOT of hurt, that could come from deliberately getting a reaction from your ex. Just remind yourself you've got a great guy, he's got YOU, and your ex can chalk up a loss - and walk away from this idea with dignity - you'd kick yourself if you ruined a good thing for a hollow victory.

This might sound a little harsh but... You are NOT owe it to him to trust his intentions with this woman after his track record. He should be trying to earn your trust and respect back - and it seems he's not looking at it that way. You aren't obligated to blindly trust him without him being more upfront, especially under the circumstances. This is not being unreasonably jealous on your part - he's given you reason himself to be wary of his relationship with this woman, he made his own problems there, and now it seems he's not willing to deal with it. Frankly, I wouldn't be at all accepting of him being friends with her in your position - and wouldn't think THAT was being remotely unreasonable. I'm sure he'd just LOVE you being pals with someone you'd messed around with behind his back hmm? No hon, you're within your rights, and if he continues to be a jerk about it - I'd consider just how this relationship, and he, is going to treat you. I know you want your daughter to know him - but she can do that without you dealing with his issues. We often stay together "for the kids," but consider this - when we do that, we're setting them an example of what to them will be a "normal and healthy" relationship. If this is something he's likely to continue doing - is this something you want your daughter to think she should find acceptable from a guy?

I have several - unlike friends who become friends by proximity, you don't lose your online friends when you move Chat on messenger more than write letters, but that too, and make an effort to stay in touch. Occasionally yes, I've sent my online friends stuff through the mail and received little things as well. Talk through IMs and emails - all the time. On the phone to a few, and even met a few. And yeah, they're real people, so they're my real life friends. I figure the plusses are we met through interests and personality and bonded that way, not because of "best fit" with proximity, the minuses are not having them to literally be there physically sometimes. It does balance out though - and same as any friendship takes two willing to put in the effort to stay in touch and not just "hang out".