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  1. Wow, I can not believe you have been gone for almost 3 years now. That seems an impossible amount of time. I come to think of you because I know we will be leaving you behind when we move. That does not grieve me like it once did. I know you are not really in your burial place but in my heart and in heaven. I have let go of a lot of grief, but there will always be some while I can not see or hold you. I will have to wait for my life to be over to do that. Your big brother still talks about you and asks what you would be doing in life now had you been with us. I think his heart is better off knowing you did exist, even if you are not with us. He is not angry anymore and he speaks of you with love in his eyes and joy in his heart. You both would have been fabulous together. Dad misses you too but he walls it inside, he said your death was the single worse day of his life. We are all moving on though and we still think of you daily and less and less with sorrow. kisses little one, Love Mommy
  2. Taking a page from the Healing after breakup and divorce forum, where we can post to our exes to keep us from contacting them. That is where I first posted this. I should have posted it here. I just read a list 20 Tips to do when you are grieving, and one is to write a letter to the deceased. Well, that is when it finally struck me that I am avoiding the grief of a loss. I need to face that loss directly. I need to talk to my long deceased ex. Maybe this thread can help you too. I encourage you to post here as a place to speak freely about our deceased friends, lovers, and family members. This is a safe place to say things that maybe we don't want to say to others so as not to hurt them, or to appear mean, or to reveal information that we have been keeping private. Here, we can yell at the deceased if we need to, or we can admit that we didn't treat them well, or we can yearn for them yet again. There will be no one to shush us with an Its okay or Its time to move on. This is a safe place to say what we want to say, without reproach. __________ The 20 Tips are pasted below, for an added reference. ___________ Talk about your loss with friends, family or a professional. Grief is a process, not an event. Grief is work, requiring time and energy. The memories, meanings and fulfilled needs provided by the lost loved one take time to work through. Let yourself enter the emotions of grief. Grievers tend naturally to avoid the painful emotions. Losing someone close to you means you deserve to allow yourself to feel all your emotions - sadness, anger, intense longing, guilt and others. Consider writing your loved one a letter. Say what you would tell them as if it were your last chance. Even if you never share the letter with anyone, writing it may help you work through your grief. Resume your life but leave time and space for grieving. Life marches on for the living. But try to resist the temptation to “throw yourself” into work or other diversions. This leaves too little time for the grief work you need to do for yourself. Take care of yourself. You have been wounded. Something very valuable and dear has been taken away from you. Give yourself time and space to begin healing. Get enough rest. Eat nourishing food. Give yourself a break. Resist the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb your pain. These can interfere with the grieving process by delaying it or covering it up. If you have any religious inclination, consider contacting your place of worship. All religions recognize that grievers need special help. Consider taking advantage of these services even if you have not been attending regularly. You will not be turned away. Consider seeking out other grievers. Someone who has also been through grief can empathize with you, and vice versa. Organizations like Compassionate Friends or THEOS recognize the value of sharing in a group setting. Don’t feel obligated to join groups if they are not for you. The grief process is highly individual. Some people prefer solitude or reflection rather than group work. Do what feels right for you. Don’t neglect your own health. Grieving puts a heavy burden of stress on your body. It can disturb sleep patterns, lead to depression, weaken your immune system, and worsen medical problems that had been stable, such as high blood pressure. Take prescribed medications and get regular check-ups. If you suffer from disabling insomnia or anxiety, see your doctor. Sometimes short-term medication can be very helpful. Get help for severe or persistent depression. Someone once said: “grief is not a disease but it can become one.” Grief can lead to serious depression. Consider getting professional help if you feel overwhelmed, hopeless, or helpless. Other signs of depression can include sleep impairment (too little or too much), appetite or weight change, low energy, difficulty concentrating, and feeling listless or agitated. By all means, seek professional help if you have suicidal thoughts. Grief work can become complicated. Mixed emotions (positive and negative feelings), unresolved emotional turmoil and losing someone after an argument can complicate the grieving process. Sharing these feelings with a professional therapist can help. Grief therapy need not be a long-term commitment. Even if you don't see yourself as the kind of person who seeks therapy, this may be beneficial. Anger is common in normal grieving and certainly justified when a loved one dies due to the malevolence of others. Try venting your anger in a letter. Consider channeling your anger into constructive action. Volunteer to work for causes that seek justice and prevention. Spending your energy helping someone else can help you in the process. Allow time to grieve. One to two years is not a long time to allow yourself to work through grief. We need to remind ourselves that the healing process cannot be rushed; it will proceed at its own rate. Be patient. The grieving process often includes setbacks. Don’t expect to set an “I’ll be over it” deadline and succeed. Often, grieving resumes after a time, sometimes even months or years. Reminders can trigger a flood of emotions. Don’t be surprised if this happens, and don't consider it a sign of weakness. Instead, your psyche is telling you more grief work needs to be done. At some point those who have lost a partner or love companion will face the decision of whether to be open to a new relationship. Consider imagining the situation reversed. That is, if you died and your lover or spouse survived, what would you want them to do? It may help you to see your situation from this angle. If you feel stuck in your grief, try a new approach. We are creatures of habit who learn very quickly how to avoid painful situations. However, this may hinder working through the entirety of your grief. To “jump start” the process, consider reviewing memorabilia, photos, home movies, or videos. Talk about your loved one at holidays when his or her absence is most obvious. Don’t avoid it so as not to spoil the festivities. This is the perfect time to check in with other family members about how they're doing with grief work, and share mutual support. Create your own memorial service. Celebrate their lifetime accomplishments, values, and principles. Consider carrying the torch of a cause they believed in as a memorial. Start a scholarship, plant a garden, or make a donation in their name. The grieving process has run its course when you feel weary of rehashing events and memories and finally accept the fact the your loved one can remain with you only in spirit. For some, the process never really ends; it just gets easier over time. You will know you are ready to move forward when you feel you can reinvest the energy once invested in your loved one in a new place. This takes time. Good grief means being good to yourself during the process.
  3. my boyfriend (of 4 years) and i have decided to split and jsut be friends while i am gone to school because of the distance between us. we still love each other very much and it hurts to be away from him so ive put my grieving into this quilt i started to make. i am painting each square and will eventually sew them all together. each square is something that we had together or enjoyed together. once it is done i want to send it to him to let him know ill still always be there no matter where life takes him. background on the 4 squares. the little dinosaur one is because i used to say *rawr* instead of i love you to be cute, ice cream one because we used to always go out in the summer and get icecream together, hugz is well for hugs and love rocket is because instead of just putting a
  4. My boyfriend's mother died very suddenly and unexpectedly 5 months ago, leaving him an orphan at age 36. His mother had raised him by herself and his father had remarried but died just a few years ago. His stepmother and half-siblings stopped talking to him after his father died, so it was as if he suddenly had no family left at all. When his mother died, I was the first and only person he turned to, and I held him all night and listened to him talk. He had to fly to another state to take care of arrangements and I offered to go with him. He tried to book a flight for me but nothing was available, so he asked me to come in the future to help him pack up his mother's house and be at his side at the memorial service instead. I tried to be as supportive as possible over the phone while he was away. We were in frequent touch and he told me everything about what he was feeling and going through. But when he came home 10 days later, he was very distant and strange. He seemed confused and said he didn't know what he wanted. He abruptly said he needed to take a break from our relationship and asked me to leave his apartment. He said I had been the most wonderful and sweetest girlfriend and that he loved me but that he just couldn't be in a relationship with anyone during this time. But he also kept saying that he didn't want to make a rash decision and to give it some time. I knew I had to set my feelings aside and allow him whatever he needed, even though I was devastated. I tried to give him space but also still be there for him, so I'd occasionally (every couple of weeks or so) send a short and kind email or text message. I did speak to him by phone for about an hour a few weeks later and he told me that he felt like a basket case and couldn't sleep. I tried to go help him with his mother's house but he turned me back home after our flight landed. Finally, 2 months later, he sent me a very terse and cold email that simply said there was not a possibility of us getting back together and that he felt there needed to be considerable time and distance before we ever talked again. No explanation or any words of kindness whatsoever. He sounded so different from the person I once knew. I'm having trouble accepting that this could really be the end. I keep wondering if there was anything I could've done to prevent or save this - whether I wasn't there for him enough in the beginning, if I gave him too much space or not enough, if it was a terrible mistake to get on that flight to try to help him, etc. Everyone tells me that doing that was an amazing selfless act of love on my part and wasn't inappropriate, but it seems like he was upset and disturbed by my gesture, perhaps due to his mental state while grieving. I only had the best of intentions and it doesn't seem like it should be a reason to push someone you care about entirely away and just completely refuse to talk. It was as if I had wronged him deeply but I don't know what I did that was wrong. Over the months I've read so much about grief and tried to understand what he is going through, but I still can't understand how his feelings could have changed so drastically when we had a great relationship before and he always seemed so deeply in love and sure of our relationship. I know he had to deal with a harrowing and traumatic experience, but why would he turn away from my support and cut me out of his life without explanation when he can still treat everyone else in his life as normal? How can he not miss the life that we had together? We were in a serious relationship and the love we felt for each other should mean something and not just evaporate into thin air. Can anyone help me with insight as to why he might have done this and whether it's likely he'll ever come around with time?
  5. My son sent this Message to me from overseas, "Ugh, I am sooo drained!!! Tell me a story mommy?" Worried about what my little one had seen and was going through, I tried to think of what story I could tell him to ease his weary mind. My child, my beautiful child, so far from home, in a place desolate, war-torn, out-numbered, and feeling alone. Subject: A story , I love you Here my son lay down and rest your eyes and will tell you a story. A story that is told in hushed tones with reverence by the First People, it's about a Principle Chief and his never ending search for his scattered tribe. Once there was a tribal Chief, who related to the Principle Chief, and he and his people's dwelling place was in the foothills of the great smokey covered mountains which was the home to the Principle Chief. So awe inspiring were these mountains that the tribal people were afraid of them for thunder resounded and shook the ground near the base as the lighting crackled and lit up the sky and all the while the wind whipped through every nook and crany creating a sound like the howling of a wolf. For many moons these tribal people lived peacefully in the foothills, until a jealous and revengeful dog soldier, who had once been a trusted son of the Principle Chief, chose to steal and destroy and scatter the tribal people. This dog soldier and his band charged in and left nothing but destruction in their wake. Soon after the Principle Chief grieved for the people, his people, he then set out on a quest to gather that which was scattered, to return that which had been stolen, and to restore that which had been destroyed. So grieved was he that the thunder and the lighting and wind which he had contained at the top of the mountains broke free along with the fire that was contained in the belly of the mountains. He then sent these elemental warriors and scouts to the lands beyond the foothills. He used a gentle wind to whisper words of encouragement to his people, not to give up hope- that he would find them and bring them home and a fearsome wind to blow through every nook and crany to help find his people. The thunder thunder above and below ground shaking and uncovering that which had been stolen and hidden. The lighting lit up the night sky making it as bright as day to aid his people who were fearfull and trembling. The Principle Chief did indeed find his people and they rejoiced and celebrated and lived in peace again. The First People hold to this story as it is true, they know that in time this story will be their story too and they wait patiently for the time of its telling. As a reminder of his promise to the First People, he caused all the tears shed by the tribal people to cover the land as flowers and grass, he even caused the catus to grow as a reminder of the time of pain and suffering represented as the needles and the time of restoration as the flowers which become fruit and the branches or leaves the contain water which is nessary for all life and changed their name to the Principle People. My son this is the legacy that is passed from me to you through my blood, the blood of my people. I am Cherokee and Shoshone, as are you, the word Cherokee comes from a Muskogee word meaning 'speakers of another language.' Cherokee Indians originally called themselves Aniyunwiya, "the principal people," but today they accept the name Cherokee, which is spelled and pronounced Tsalagi in their own language. In the beginning the world, Earth (Elohino) was a round ball of water. The land base that was developed for Ani'Yun'wiya, the "Principal People", was Turtle (Salitsule) Island (Amayeli) now referred to as North America. The story is told of ropes being hooked to four different locations of the Island and then secured in the upper world, just for assurance that the Island would not sink in the great waters. The universe is believed to be made up of three worlds, the upper (peaceful - color yellow), the lower (chaos - Earths core, orange/brown), and the center, (here where we are now - color green), to be kept in balance between the peaceful - upper and the chaotic - lower words). These are three of the seven sacred directions. There are seven sacred directions. Up - Down - Center North (juhyvdlv?h) - color blue (sakonige?i) [for the cold north wind (unole)] - also representing trouble and defeat. South (juganawv?i) - color white (unega) [warm south wind (unole) - also representing peace and tranquility]. East (dikvlvgv?i) - color red (gigage) [for the rising sun which sustains life and also representing the color of life's blood]. West (wudeligv?i) - color black (gvhnage?i) [the setting of the sun and coming of the moon which gives no warmth or life - also representing death]. Translation Source: Cherokee-English Dictionary, Durbin Feeling -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Ani'Yun'wiya lived by the clan system. This system was not only part of the government structure, but also a part of family structure and deemed who one could marry and could not marry. The mothers side was used to trace the family. The clan system is still used today by the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians. This system seems to help greatly in balancing government powers and seemingly helps to give all a say in community concerns. There are seven clans. Blue - Sakonigei (from the color of a type of plant used by the clan) Wild Potato - Nuna Gehyahtahi Bird - Tsisqua Deer - Ahwi -- (western dialect) Ahawi Wolf - Waya' Red Paint - Asiwisti Gigagei -_ (western dialect) Disuhwisdi Gigage Twister or Long Hair - Agaluga Ustihgv?i Ganvhida Colored feathers were worn to designate which clan the person belonged. Later, AC (after Columbus) an eighth clan was formed: Keetoowah ----- (UNCLASSIFIED)
  6. alone in this world i shall be a captive prisoner, yearning to be free as though my life was cursed with a spell i continue to wish upon an empty well i trip over rocks on the road each night but cannot see for there is no light forgotten, alone and hurting to die with a soul so empty i cannot cry like a black star on a dark, cold night knowing it will never be alright i am drifting away and tearing apart from a broken life and a lonely heart i am a wilted rose with deadly thorns i am dying inside ,yet no one mourns and my dreams for tomarrow are fading away i pray to god, but the sky remains gray i am waiting here with patience thiinning just to find out it is only the beginning i fall on the road with existence unclear but yet remain unwanted
  7. I am strong enough in my convictions to say what I feel, Not having to censor myself or turn on my heel. I am strong enough in character to stick to my gun, Because I know what to me is 'fun'. I am strong enough in my soul to heal, And contrary to thoughts I too bleed and feel. I am strong enough in my thoughts that I'm never alone, Even by myself in my empty home. I am strong enough in my emotions to feel secure, Because I know that I'm emotionally mature. I am strong enough in my pride that I can take criticism, And can raise my hand and admit my cynicism. I am strong enough in my resolve that I am clear, And it's my time to talk so sit down and hear. I am strong enough in my heart to grieve, Should she want to up and leave. What's going is going until it's gone. But I know that inside I am strong. Wrote this poem after a major bust-up with my girlfriend about her trying to force her opinions on me. She saw it and thought I was saying "I am right and you are wrong" but what I meant was "i'm strong enough to know what i want to do/say/feel and that i'm willing to voice my opinion." I also made illusions to the fact that i believe i'm strong enough to deal with her leaving if she wants to - not to say that i want her to, or that i expect her to, but that it's come to a point where if she feels strongly enough in her convictions of me not wanting to see things her way - that i am willing to let her go. i'm not sure if i said that (and its always hard to convey meaning when you're rhyming), just looking for an outsider's POV - perhaps i have hidden layers/depths/meanings here that i don't even realise. heh
  8. I wrote this for a class...its sort of how i feel anyway I am just glad to be killing 2 nerds with one stone. The sun is nothing more than a mourning star. That glistens the world with its bleak glow, that seems within distance, yet far. Driving my glossy car, I feel nothing more than a bee stuck inside a jar. Predestined to roam this place we call earth,which is nothing more that a manic star. Thoughts adrift while the mind flickers and flows Am I destined to drive under this over-pass alone? Scattered, with moments of collectiveness It seems my fate is set in stone Watching ahead I seem to see a turning point I see a grainy indentation of what could have been and the same time what has yet to come No matter how much you appropriate, it does nothing but complicate and come undone Shifting gears from gears from observant to oblivious Slapdash. You take the hairpin corner. As others watch insidiously. How could you be? What they wanted you to be. Could you see? What they wanted you to see. Bruise your far right pedal Roll the windows down. and don't look back. The past seems like nothing but a false attack The present seems so consolidated, feels like the future has already evaporated. please leave some feed back. thx
  9. I have problems chatting to Girls over the phone. Tend to hate the embarrassing silence you get sometimes. I'd rather meet up for a coffee and have a chat in person. My situtation at that moments is causing me grief. I've meet a really nice girl on the net about a month ago and we get along great. However she's sent me her phone number and wants to have a chat before we meet in person. The thing is I'm extremely nervous about it, and don't know what to do. Anyone have any ideas how to get over these nervers or have a great excuse as to why I can't call, I'd appreciate it.
  10. I guess my question is how does everyone deal? Today is day 29th of no contact for me but I seem to be having a bad time. My question is what is everyone doing to heal? I have turned to Eastern philosophy, and to alcohol ha ha just kidding. The days do not drag anymore & I do not feel that connected w/ him but it saddens me and angers me too. So..how did people cope w/ the grief and feeling of betrayal? And" youjust do" doesn't help.
  11. Sometime in life you will realize, you’re on a different ship. No matter how tight the knot, how good it felt, a heart will lose its grip. Not every soul will set sail with you, everyone will not agree, They won't all have the same faith on the wind, in an open-minded sea. Than there are those who can't decide, Just watch. They gasp for hope, but hold their breath on the bottom of the reef. Poor souls side stems from all is grief! Can anyone dare blame them? Love lost has its burdens and they can drag you in deep.
  12. A poem dedicated to my fellow Australians who lost their lives in the bushfire disaster over the weekend in the state of Victoria, as we continue to pray for those who's lives were affected by the tragedy. THEY SHALL BE HEROES Akin to those who courageously die in battle, You will not be forgotten, As the flames slowly diminish, we are thinking of you, Etched in our hearts your memories shall remain true. While today you are grieving, For the lives and homes that were cruelly taken away, We won't forget your passionate strength and will to fight, For as this day ends we shall battle on together into the night. When morning comes, we will be by their side, As step by step we focus on the road of recovery ahead, As time moves on, homes shall be rebuilt and lives put to mend, While we pray that one day their minds will ease and pain will end. As this nation continues to hold its breath, United as one in the midst of the tragedy of death, We salute those who continue their struggle in pain, For those who perished, let us realise that their lives were not lost in vain.
  13. Hi friends, I need a little bit of encouragement today. I am not sure of what day of NC this is, maybe 35 or so, the break up is 13 weeks. I really want to call her the last few days. I don't even know what the h*ll I want to say. It not like I didn't get the chance to say anything, I did, we both did. We both said too much. Our relationship was never going to work,my ex has way to many and after 7 years of trying I finally got strong enough to walk out the door. It got pretty ugly at the end. My ex is very selfish and she has no idea how to really be in a healthy rellationship. there fore, I have now left quite brused and broken myself (my soul and my heart, not my body) Why is this happening again, this cycle of anger, pain or whatever it is. I try so hard to force her from my thoughts, but sometimes it feels like "here she comes again" I do miss parts of her, the fun times. And I miss the dreams I had of what we could have been, but I don't miss the arguing, the jealousy and the being controlled. What is going on with me that I am still mourning this person? I so want this to be over. I know I am better off without her. Anyway...wake up call somebody, please, I don't want to give in and call her.
  14. I don't now why, but I've woken up very depressed today. I feel like I've wasted my entire life and I have nothing to live for. I feel like I have a * * * *ty dead end job, no gf, no future and I'm wasting my time with a writing career that I think will never lift off. I haven't achieved a thing in my life and was a lazy wreck until I was 16 when I actually decided to do something with my life. I feel my life has be nothing but a concatenation of misery and failure up to this point. I've flunked most of my school years. I'm absolutely horrible with people to the point where I haven't made friends on my own and have refused to try to talk to people because of one reason or another. I have a crappy job, which is shameful, because this is the best job I've ever had in my life so far. And lastly, I * * * *ed up my last relationship with a women that I dearly loved and I * * * *ed up worse by grieving terribly.... that whole experience makes me fell like a montrous, unlovable and wasteful human being. I just don't know what to do. I've been feeling like this on and off for a few months now. I'm not sure what to do.
  15. I don't know, things aren't going that great. My boyfriend is so sweet ya know, and I love him so much. He's so patient with me, and I know he loves me...but will I wear him out??? I know grieving is the natural process, from recovering from rape. But it's not an easy process. I don't want to hurt him by my hurting. When I'm sad, he says it makes him sad. I don't want him to be sad. I...and I'm going home for a month. And it's going to hurt me so much because I'll miss him. I already miss him all day, every single day, now I'll be away from him. He says he's sad and that he'll miss me too. But I don't know. I feel like this trip might be good because he'll miss me. But I don't know, I guess that's me just trying to syke myself into being okay about going home. Today he wanted us to hang out together and watch movies. But then I got a little sad. He comforted me and told me that everything is going to be okay. But then he decided to go to his friends house. We were suppose to hang out. I don't mind him being with his friends, and I'm sure he needs a break. But it just makes me feel so sad when one minute he wants to hang out and the next he's doing something else. I wish he wouldn't mention us hanging out. I just feel so bad. I....I'm trying to get better. But I'm just so sad sometimes. And I....I don't quite know what to do or be. I don't know if I'm okay or not. I don't know how to be better. I mean, I don't go around moaping (Spelling?) all day. Quite the contrary. I just feel sad inside, and that nothing will help. And I just want to be a good girlfriend. One that he can be proud of. And today he looked a little different ya know. Like maybe he was going out on a date or something. I don't know. I don't know about that sudden change. I just don't feel wanted sometimes...like, who would want me around? I'm not good enough. But I guess I've always been that way. I'm pretty, but I'm not thin enough. I don't know that I've ever been thin enough, even when I'm really thin. I could be so much better than I am right now. I could wear the cute clothes I have in my closet, I could wear the beautiful makeup. I have a lovely figure.....but I don't do these things now. All I feel is such a grave sense of loss. Like I'm mourning the person I was, the person I can be. And nothing can help me! I'm so sad, nothing helps me. And I don't know why. I look at pictures, old pictures of me. I was so happy and so pretty. And I can't get back to that. I don't know how. And it's killing me. I hate sleeping. I hate my dreams. And when I just get so tired...I have to take medicine to sleep, then I can't wake up. And I hate this life of mine. I'm trapped. So trapped. And I can't get out. Nobody knows how to help me out. I'm just here, all alone. all by myself. And I'm scared. I'm scared and tired, I want someone to make it go away. Help me please! Somebody, I need so much help. How will I get it? How am I suppose to help myself? I don't know how anymore.
  16. I'm in the throws of NC as some of you might know...heck the X may even be reading this stuff, I don't know... Anyhow, after a nearly two weeks of NC she called me today at work and I did not answer. She called a few times last week as well and I didn't answer. (She has a new BF with whom I understand she is in-love with) The X and I were best friends and lovers for the better part of a year prior last month. Today, after the phone call she also emailed me with the subject heading: 'Contact'. I didn't open the email...should I have????? I suppose she's hurting from the breakup too, and may just want to talk or know if the NC is final. But she even told me (the last time we spoke) to call her when I was ready. I'm not at all trying to avoid her to make her mad...I'm just trying to follow NC. Then, totally by accident I saw her today on the street from my office window (we work near each other)[email protected]#$CK... Unreal...the feelings of anxiety shot through my body like a bullet through my heart. It made me aware once again how tough this is, is going to be, and how much I really miss her. I'd love to have her back...I'm afraid that this NC will drive her out of my life forever. Choices, eh?... Am glad I can post these, and read all your woes!!! Thanks. Churchill: When you're going through Hell, Keep going. G
  17. Illusion pond appearing still no ripples mar the surface yet fish move beneath Perspective crying to the moon wolf grieves for his missing pack tiger walks quiet Strategy rose does not travel smiling always at the sun bee will enter soon Misfortune spider is weaving perfect balance, perfect silk dragonfly tears holes Deviation fish takes dragonfly spider catches wayward bee wolf and tiger meet Enlightenment distant hillsides burn golden glow by dark of night haze and smoke by day Renewal the fallen droplet scattered on unyielding rock finds the sky again
  18. My beloved has died There was no funeral No plot to shed tears Nor pots of wilted flowers My beloved has changed Into this unknown person Whose priorities are not the same And don't mesh well with mine Because of these grave discrepancies My beloved went one way And I another Causing a part of me to die So now my beloved has the freedom to be Freedom he felt never existed And I am left Mourning the loss of my best friend Jaiva
  19. Listening to you on this phone, Telling me what you've done, Needing the solace of anothers' voice, As you reach the end of your run, It might be what I volunteered for, That dosent mean I won't mourn you, The fact we've never met in person, Dosent make your death less true, Ragged breathing growing raspy and weak, You're sensing the ending near, Why didn't you call and talk to us, When you were thinking clear? Instead leaving it 'till far too late, To tell us that you're blue, It make's me cry, I'm human also, And it'll kill your family too. Dedicated to my friends and colleagues.
  20. You my soul, you my heart, you my bliss, o you my pain, you the world in which I live; you my heaven, in which I float, o you my grave, into which I eternally cast my grief. You are rest, you are peace, you are bestowed upon me from heaven. That you love me makes me worthy of you; your gaze transfigures me; you raise me lovingly above myself, my good spirit, my better self!
  21. The world is so much colder now that I lost your warm I really want to hold her but all I do is mourn People said we wouldn't make it I believe we would You can't take love away from us well I guess they could I could have been better I could have made her smile Instead I just left her and said "be back in a while" Tears rolled down her cheek and now they roll down mine once a man now weak I hope now every time every time the phone rings every time I hear a voice on the other side wishing you were here But it's over now or so it is you say I won't give up I pray that everyday I'll wake up one day soon and have you by my side with jr in the other room dreaming through the night I think of all you are as I lay here alone all you've been all you could be, but your on your own no one will ever replace your heart and what you do you say you don't need me but Nikki I need you
  22. My interpretation of this song...it applies to anyone you have had an emotional connection with at some point in life. Regarless of the details, and the fact that it has ended or you will never see that person again on some level the bond is eternal. Here is an excerpt. Although the world have been untold It's like the truth won't unfold Why have you come here? Why am I the one? You're bringing hope to my world And put an end to my grief Of all the loved ones I've lost my days You are the light inside For a decade and half For more than five thousand days (It's) you have been here by my side (And) you have grown so tall and strong (And) even though I know that you won't stay forever And that both of us will leave this world one day Our bonds will be eternal
  23. Hey, i'm not sure if this is the right forum for this... basically, last month i had an abortion. Although i coped with things at the time, recently ive been feeling really sad about everything. I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about things. Its uncontrollable. I could be doing something so mundane as making lunch and ill just start crying; its overwhelming and theres no warning of it. thing is, theres no on i can really talk to about it; i live at home and i didnt tell my mum, i didnt tell my boyfriend either. i just feel really lost at the moment, a complete emotional wreck. just wondering if this is normal? x
  24. I am crazy I know I am a loser I know I am a freak I know I am mental I know I am cranky I know I am weak I know So no need to remind me I already know DONT TELL ME Don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know Don't tell me that I will survive, how I will surely grow. Don't tell me this is just a test, that I am truly blessed That I am chosen for this task, apart from all the rest. Don't come at me with answers that can only come from me Don't tell me how my grief will pass, that I will soon be free. Don't stand in pious judgement of the bonds I must untie Don't tell me how to suffer, don't tell me how to cry. My life is filled with selfishness, my pain is all I see But I need you, I need your love Unconditionally. Accept me in my ups and downs, I need someone to share. Just hold my hand, and let me cry and say "My friend, I care."
  25. So for those of you that know me, I was drawn to the boards mainly to deal with my year long relationship that ended. With that coming to a close, my grief nearly gone, and my confindence coming back in full, I'm still at ends a little bit. For the past 2 months, even during my grief, I was writing quite a bit to somewhat... channel my pain. I've now taken to writing 1000 words a day to practice and too season myself toward a writing career. I've also undertaken a new faith, Wicca, just a month a go... I've just started my dedication to this religion and already I feel spiritually fullfilled... So now I'm outside of my own selfish head. I'm 23. I'm now on my own for the first time. I've SEEMED to find myself... so I have to ask... What next? what directions should I take in terms of maturing myself? Should I just focus on writing... I don't know... I just feel I could get more from my life right now... but I don't know what it is I'm missing? Has anyone had this feeling before and do you have any suggestions and what I might be feeling right now?
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