lily2

Please respond in kind. When is it okay for a man to still be living with his parents? Should a 27yr old man still be under mommy and daddy's roof? Would you date someone who was still living with the folks?

Hello k8tie kool, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I understand completely about "not having high expectations" of other people. Unfortunately, I still haven't learned not to. I am so quick to judge others actions simply because they didn't do what I expected them to do. I'd waste so much time being angry at the person, feeling like they had betrayed me in some way. Simply put: I was crazy I came to realize that it was easier for me to remain angry and bitter, than to pay attention to my own life. Classic case of self-sabotage. "Mine your own business" has become my lifetime MANTRA. Like you stated, "If I'm not taking care of myself, NO ONE else will be".

Let me begin by saying how grateful I am to have found this website. I am truly overwhelmed by the generosity of spirit and openness from members sharing their life experiences - not to mention the INCREDIBLE advice! I have seen the human "mistakes" I have made through the pain of others who pour their SOULS onto the pages of these posts. Everyday, as challenging as it is, I work on forgiving myself for allowing people to treat me in disrespectful ways. It is a blessing and a curse that we learn how deep our self-loathing runs through the careless actions of another person. However, what i do know for sure is that we teach people how to treat us. I am ALWAYS responsible for the outcome of any given situation. When I don't communicate with a friend, or set boundaries with a lover or colleague, a parent...whomever, I run the risk of being dishonored, humiliated , devastated, angry and resentful. And as we know, these feelings never stick around for just a couple of days. These emotions can last for months...years. Even a lifetime. In the life long process of honoring myself and protecting my self-esteem, I pledge to live in truth. I pledge to SPEAK my truth at all costs. To live with purpose, and define who and what I am. The minute we give away our power to another person is the very minute we begin to die little deaths. By the time they have accumulated you don't even realize your "dead" because you've become numb. I never want to feel that way again. I want to experience joy as often as I can in this short life. No more pain, no more regret. Thank you for letting me BREATHE this out to you over these ways If you'd like to share some of your life realizations, PLEASE feel free. Peace.

Dasbin- Thank you for your honesty. I really needed to read that.

Unfortunately, competition among women will never go away. I place blame on the media as well for making women feel unattractive because they don't weigh 98 pounds, or wear designer clothes - WHAT NORMAL PERSON CAN AFFORD SUCH EXTRAVAGANCES? It's all an illusion, it's all fake, it's all designed to make us hate ourselves and each other. I'm not falling for it. I like to look good, but I will not try to be someone that I'm not. I will not crash my buget, and most importantly I won't hate on my sisters! Beauty truly lies in the eyes of the beholder...Fall inlove with your UNIQUE beauty, ladies.

Let me explain. I moved cross country about five months ago. Before I left I started seeing this guy who I only had (2) dates with. We tried for more but our schedules didn't allow. The issue I had with this man was that I didn't feel he respected me. he would only make last minute plans with me, he was emotionally hot and cold. Whenever I wouldn't do what he asked of me, he became defiant and even mean! When he came to my going away party he not so subtely flirted with my friends right in front of my face. It was as if he trying to make me jealous WHICH WORKED. I convinced myself that maybe the timing was wrong and that perhaps I rubbed him the wrong way because I was in the middle of packing my life to move. Maybe I didn't SHOW him how I felt. Maybe i should've accepted one of his last minute dates, i don't know. But when I moved away he was all I thought about. I really wanted to be his friend and made attempts to contact him but he seemed indifferent and not interested. I began to regret not opening myself up for a "last romance" before I left. I actually cried for many days over this man that I hardly knew and who was NO Prince charming. I finally chose to STOP contacting him. Three months went by and out of the blue he calls me and tells me he's coming to my city for a pleasure visit and just wanted to talk to me about what to do and not do, and all the places to check out. I instantly thought that this was just an excuse to call me, and didn't return his call. he ended up calling me back two days later and we talked for almost two hours. He didn't make apologies, or talk about an "us". He did go on to talk about how much he's grown, and how he wants to be REAL with people, and expose his true self. He even shared that he was in singing lessons then sang for me over the phone. It was a side of him i had never known (obviously since we hardly knew each other) and i was moved. I thought that this was his way of apologizing for his treatment of me and reaching out to me. Later in the conversation he did say he wanted to spend time with me in the city and felt "blessed to have me as a friend". So my questions are this: What do you believe his intentions are? Can two people who had a very brief and rocky encounter have a strong connection? What should I do? I must admit that i still have feelings, it's very strange because I don't understand why. I feel like the universe has decided that our work isn't finished and there are things still to work out....your thoughts are encouraged.

The birthday card thing is a tricky one. I sent an ex a birthday card after a nasty manipulation on his part. He called and wanted to know my best friends phone # to invite to his party! I ahd just moved away and he knew I was in pain. I sent the card because I feared he was getting over me and because I was away, there was nothing I could do. I ended up sending him an ecard that was loving and NOt subtle. Make a long story short, he never sent me one on mine. I felt like a complete idiot.

Wow! I am a new member, and I just posted a message about being a virgin at 30 a couple of days ago. I was THRILLED to find these postings while I was browsing. It is so easy to believe that you are the only one out there when it comes to your sex life or lack of one in my case. I haven't always believed that it was okay to be a VIRGIN at this age, but maybe it's just fine. Maybe I'm just going at my own pace liek everybody else. My time will come (as will the others). I commend you for sharing your feelings. Everyone benefits in the end.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and compassion. I am so glad I found this website...

This is my deep , dark secret: i have never had sexual relations with a man. That is i have never had sexual intercourse, never given head, never received head, nothing. How did this happen. well, I really don't know. I f i had to take a guess I would say it stems from childhood. See, I never had a relationship with my father. he never encouraged me, never showed affection, never told me I was pretty or special. I grew up never trusting men. I also grew up with a weight problem that left me overweight for a number of years. I remember being called "ugly" frequently by friends and even famlily members that told me they loved me. The most devastating part for me was having stretch marks and sagging breast at such a young age. I recall my sister making the comment while she watched me changing, " your breast look like an old woman's breast"! I can't begin to explain to you the damge this has done to my self-esteem. i am absolutely terrified to let a man see me naked! I fear he will take one look at my body and run screaming in the other direction. This has ruined my ability to be intimate with any man who takes an interest in me and I'm in so much pain. So much pain. Iwant to be loved, and cherished and experience the beauty of physical love, but I can't allow myself to be that open. I'm an attractive woman, who gets alot of attention from men and i want a relationship. I have exercised in the past and still do to this day, but the residuals from the past are still too evident. Please help me. What can I do to overcome this? I am so ashamed and embarrassed for my lack of experience. I feel alone and isolated, I've lied to so many people...I just don't know...I just don't know.