bloo4u

I was seeing a guy 4 and a half years ago. We went separate ways and lost touch. I then found out I was pregnant. I told him that we didn't have to be together for that reason alone. He agreed (and probably relieved) we lost touch for 2 years. We ran into each other and he expressed a desire to meet our daughter. While they were getting aquainted we seemed to connect and become close friends. Eventually, we decided to try a relationship. Time passed and he wanted us to move in with him. I was hesitant to get too close at first, but he was very understanding and convincing that if I opened up completely and allowed myself to truly be in love then he wouldn't hurt me. I learned how to trust and we had an incredible relationship (and family) together. Then slowly things started coming up that appeared he had been keeping from me. I would simply ask him and he would explain that he wasn't witholding things intentionally. I accepted that. Then he started shutting me out. I waited for it to blow over, patiently. And while completely off guard, I caught him lying to me. Then again and again. I was shocked because of believing we could tell each other anything, afterall we had (or so I thought) up to that point. He stopped being affectionate at all, except for sex. And after, I felt like I would get the cold shoulder again. When I asked him if he thought anything was different, he would just snap at me and say that I needed to accept us just "being" together. So I tried to adjust again! Eventually, we stopped communicating all together. Now, I can be in the same room and he won't even acknowledge my existence (even if I attempt to interact). Now he has long conversations with his female friends mostly about what going on with him, and I'm totally in the dark. I tried to leave and move on and he stops me. He is perfectly content with the cohabitation without emotion, it seems. My ? is....what is the purpose of working so hard to get me to open up to him just to shut me out? I am left feeling like he put alot of effort into painting a picture for me to enjoy and then destroy it to hurt me? I need to get some ideas of what could be the reasoning. My opinion is the whole thing is TWISTED!!!!

I just wanted to express to you that although it may not be a part of everyone's relationship, I can relate. My b/f does the same thing! My thoughts were similar when I found out also. Although my b/f knows I don't have a problem with porn, he used to always say things like, "it doesn't do much for me" and "I'm just not that kind of guy". Then when I found it in his p/c, I simply asked if he enjoyed it and didn't want to tell me he did. He got so mad! Yelling and carrying on like I was out of line to ask such a thing. I tried to get him to calm down by expressing to him that it's fine with me and if he doesn't want me to be involved in that, it too would be acceptable to me. But he still continues to lie about eveything that has to do with it. He now has a password to keep me out of his computer and he is constantly on it, if I walk in the room he will cover it up or turn his (laptop) screen away from me. It makes one wonder if they are working so hard to hide something that isn't an issue....what else are they hiding?!!!!!!!

I would just like to know if anyone else has a relationship that confuses them to the verge of insanity?!!! My "partner" (I use the term loosely) plays this stupid little game like we are children...the problem is, we are 24 with 2 kids. You'd think game-time would be left for the kids. Anyway, he will treat me like complete garbage with no warning for no apparent reason when I've been nice and thoughtful, etc. Then when I get fed up with the feeling of having 3 children (when I know I only gave birth to 2) and decide I can't take the immaturity, he plays a Dr.Jekyl and Mr. Hyde act on me and starts being loving, caring, and sincere. I get so confused! I call it the "coming or going disorder". Sometimes I swear by the time I leave I'll have been with so many of his personalities I'll be to worn out to ever date again! AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I needed to say "Thanx" I guess I was searching for confirmation that my feelings were justifiable! This whole situation is constantly deppressing me and his lack of support is like salt in the wound he created. He resents anyone or anything that brings me pleasure and I'm picking up my mutilated mess of a heart and moving on.....again! Thank you all for your support and opinions! -

I live with my b/f of 13 months. We were together about 4 years ago and have a 3 year old. Back then we broke up due to his friends constantly telling me that he was unfaithful to me with a married female friend of his. I tried not to believe them because he always stuck to the same story, that they just had their own agendas. It was somewhat convincing considering they weren't the most loyal of friends in other areas as well. I then became pregnant and the torment of always wondering if these rumors were true along with the insecurity of being pregnant was too much for me to deal with. So, I followed my instincts and left. Soon after, a overheard him talking at a mutual friend's house. He was BRAGGING about his "encounters" (with this same slut) in his car. And how stupid her husband was! I was sick!!!!! Not from pregnancy, but disgust with him! So....I had already left him, but that wasn't enough. I left our friends, left town, and even left state. To make this a little shorter...I didn't have one word with him for 2 years. Unfortunately, neither did our daughter. I decided it was time to give him the option of knowing her and making her own opinion of him. Well, not long after we started talking we left the past in the past and decided to try again. That was 13 months ago. Now, he has started talking to the same female in the past few months. At first I had no knowledge of it, until I caught him lying to me. He was talking to her for hours on the computer and telling me it was a friend, naming male friends of his or family members. Then I was sitting next to him and glanced over to find out it was HER! Right back to the past I was. After I asked him about it, he got angry and refused to talk to me at all. When things got better, I thought that was the end of it....NO! One morning while he was still sleeping, he got a text from her on his cell. It was something along the lines of..."Hi, good morning, just wanted to hear your voice hope I didn't get you in too much trouble last night. I can't wait to hear from you, I hope I'm not getting my hopes up for nothing" Do I need to say any more? Honestly, he claims there's nothing but "friendship" between them. Is that how normal "friends" in relationships with other people act? Now, he guards his cell phone like Fort Knox! When she calls, he leaves my presense, if he doesn't wait to call her back when he can do it in private. And he refuses talking to her when I know he is! I'm going crazy here! Please let me know if ANYONE thinks there are too many flashing neon signs here, If this was legitimately just conversing with a friend would it be in this manner that looks and acts so sneaky?!!!!

I really hope you get this, I know it's been a while since your post! I just felt the need to tell you how much I can relate to your life. I got teary eyed while reading your story because (except for a few minor details) it was scary how close it was to most of what I have been handed in life and what I am still living. And I can confidently say that despite how you view yourself, your children think the world of you (and will continue to). No mother is flawless and as your children grow, they will understand what you are dealing with. No amount of money can replace you!!!!! As for the housework, etc. it won't go anywhere....I know it's hard, but it might help if you try not to sweat that stuff. What's important, (in my opinion) is that when you do have the strength to give something, it be spent enjoying your kids. It's sounds like you didn't get much time, if any, to just be a kid. I found that I can enjoy my childhood with my babies since that was stolen from me. You might be surprised how much good it can do, for you as well as your kids. As for your man not "believing" in depression, I think he needs to open his eyes. Proof of it's existanse is right in front of him and if he can't see it maybe he doesn't "believe" in denial, either. Just because you've been through alot in your life doesn't make you less of a meaningful person for being depressed about it. Not that it's fair, but it gets overwhelming at times (understandably). And if he isn't compassionate and supportive, he's only adding to it. I hope this does a little good for you!

I think I am losing my sanity a little more every day! My b/f of 13 months has 2 children with me. We were together 4 years ago and went separate ways for almost 3 years. We are trying again and living together. He has several female friends that he has been involved sexually with. That I can handle, however the closest of them is one with whom he has slept with while she was married. Since we have been back together, she has started text messaging and e-mailing him atleast twice a day. I found out about this recently, since he has lied to me repeatedly about having any contact with her. I wouldn't have minded his talking to her, but when I found out he was hiding it, other issues came about for me. Now, he doesn't lie about who is calling, however he refuses to answer her calls in my presense. He will leave and call her back in private. I can't explain all the ways that makes me feel! Please, I need input!!!! Am I unjustified in being uncomfortable with this situation?....And any ideas on what I should do would be appreciated! P.S. Talking to him is useless- he just accuses me of being insecure and jealous.