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  1. Hi Friends, my dear 14-year old cat was just diagnosed with renal failure. The vet said this is fatal, but with some treatment she might be able to live up to a few more months to a couple years. However the vet said any treatment may only be about 50%. She is a senior cat and unfortunately was born with very small kidneys which likely is making her condition worse. For treatment, she is on the second day of a daily sub-cutaneous fluid injection to remove and dilute the urea from her system. In spite of this, she is rapidly declining. I am doing everything I can to comfort her and put fluids and her favorite soft foods near her. She only takes a few bites, then turns away. Does anyone have any experience with this in their cat, and have any successful course of action you have taken? My heart is breaking. Thank you all so much.
  2. I need advice on a situation that is really starting to bother me. First of all, I am an animal lover and have many pets. The problem here is my boyfriend's ill-trained dog. He bought this dog with his ex, obviously before I came on the scene. I have tried to speak calmly to my boyfriend about his dog's behaviour, but he won't listen and cuddles him loads. When we are preparing tea, his dog - let's call him Fido - stands close to the cooker watching every move my boyfriend makes, hoping to get scraps, which he usually does for the privilege of begging. I often find dog hairs in my food. I've told my bf the dog shouldn't be in the kitchen when food is being prepared and furthermore he shouldn't be begging or being rewarded. Once we're sitting down eating, Fido literally has his nose resting on my bf's legs. His face is so close to the food as my bf lifts the fork to his mouth, but my bf pretends he hasn't noticed. Fido used to do this to me (sometimes still does) but I've more-or-less stopped him. However, my bf won't tell him. Yet if the cat so much as jumps on the arm of the sofa during mealtimes my bf knocks him to the floor. My bf takes Fido everywhere with him - even on our dates; shops; pub, etc. I've asked him why it can't just simply be just the two of us, but my boyfriend says Fido is like his child. When I go to walk through the front door Fido rushes before my feet and tries to get out before me. I try to hold the door ajar to let him know he can't push in, but he gets his body into the smallest gap and forces the door from my grip. Likewise, if I try to enter the house he rests his huge body against the door so I struggle to get in. He constantly licks himself sore and lies at my side of the bed licking and snoring. He makes terrible noises. If my bf and I try to have fun Fido jumps up on the sofa and in between us and separates us. If I talk babyish to the other animals Fido jumps on my back to steer my attention towards him. He is so spoilt. After finishing a meal the other night, there was a little evidence of the potato scraps at the bottom of the disposable dish. As my bf gets up to take the dishes in the kitchen Fido, as usual, follows him. Now, instead of simply throwing the disposable cartons in the bin, my boyfriend chucks them outside. I became suspicious and followed my bf in a few seconds later to discover Fido wasn't there. I pretend I want to go out of the back door to check on our barn animals, but bf suspiciously blocks the way. I wriggle past and discover Fido is being rewarded for his greed. He's licking the disposable cartons. At that point I'm fuming. If greedy Fido has a treat then why didn't my bf offer the cat the same? It makes my blood boil although bf will deny Fido is his favourite. If the cat happens to leave his dinner Fido races to the bowl and eats his scraps. I've tried to persuade my bf to not let him do it but many a time I've walked into the kitchen and seen him watch Fido eat the cat's food (bf pretends he never noticed). He says he's only keeping the bowls clean and it's a little treat but if it's Fido's treat then why can't some be saved for the cat's treat? Now Fido knows by the looks I give him I won't take his bad behaviour. If it's only myself in the kitchen and I pour his food in his bowl, he sits back until I've finished. If my bf is in the room he will literally eat it as I'm pouring it and I stretch over as I'm pouring it. Although I'm careful now, if I've had snacks in my bag in the past, Fido has raided my bag. If we do happen to go to the shops without him, Fido will punish my bf by raiding the bin and anything else he can find. Within five minutes of being away, the hall, lounge, kitchen, etc., is littered with bin mess. I also think Fido has a skin condition - probably from eating all the unhealthy treats he's allowed to have. He does, or did, have fleas, also. My bf blamed the cat for giving Fido fleas, even though the cat rarely scratches. Back to preparing meals: if Fido gets under my bf's feet, my bf will say to him: excuse me babe. He speaks as though he's in Fido's way. In the car Fido will sit breathing his bad breath on my shoulder even though bf has opened a window on the opposite side at the back for him to get fresh air. I try to give Fido messages through my body language and if he's just with me he'll stay away. If my bf is with me Fido will scratch hard at my hands or try to nudge them with his nose to try and force me to pet him. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands. In bed he tramples all over me and my bf encourages him to sit on the sofa with us. Fido will wriggle at the back of us until we have to sit uncomfortably forward. Many a time I will stand up and watch TV in that position. Instead of cuddling me, my bf will sit and constantly stare at Fido when he happens to be sitting on his own chair. Yes, the dog has his own armchair that is part of the three-piece suite. My bf tells me not to sit there because it is Fido's chair. Even the cat gets moved if Fido wants to rest. Fido never goes for a walk unless I suggest it. He is so unruly on his lead. He constantly pulls and when we go to get out of the car he races to my door and tramples over me to get out first. When we're walking he constantly holds back then runs hard past my legs knocking me over. I then walk as close to the edge but he will squeeze past, even though there is a big gap my bf's side. I know dogs aren't as intelligent as humans, but I do think this dog is doing this to let me know he is further up the pack than me. My bf won't have it Fido needs proper training and I dread being in its company. I have told my bf I am uncomfortable with Fido's behaviour, but he says he's a good boy. By the way, this dog is big and overweight and it hurts when he jumps up. Any constructive advice is welcome.
  3. Hey y’all, i’m a female and i’m currently deployed out in the desert for the next 7 months. With COVID going around, I am restricted to base and they discontinued social gatherings or alcohol consumption. The food sucks, it’s hot outside, i’m missing my family, and every day is like ground hogs day. I feel like i’m getting really sad/angry and it’s only been 6 weeks. My bf is also deployed but he’s in Europe and he’s able to go off base to pubs, explore Europe, and have fun with his friends. With my situation, I feel like it’s causing strain on our relationship a little bit. I get annoyed easily when we’re on the phone and recently when he asked what was wrong, I told him my current situation and he tries to understand but he has no idea the level of suck i’m experiencing and I still have 6 months to go. He says i’m comparing myself too much to his deployment experience. How can I explain to him my feelings? And if anyone has been deployed, is there any advice on staying mentally healthy?
  4. The abusive alcoholic Its been a while since i’ve been here but i need help. Im suffering as the guy i’ve been with for a year has been awful to me. Im embarrassed and ashamed. He is a functioning narcissistic alcoholic who refuses to acknowledge it. He says he drinks to relax. Well large bottles of straight liquor a day to me is not relaxing as one glass of wine is. He”s an angry drunk too. He refuses to spend time with me now, has poor hygiene won’t tend to his foot odor, won’t brush his teeth, spends only about 2 minutes in shower so he never really smells good, has verbally abused me, taken food out of my hand and thrown it to the floor and expected me to eat it he felt it was ok to eat it since it was still in a box. Im always to blame for everything. He said I was breaking him financially when he has never paid a bill of mine or bought me anything and we don’t Go anywhere so how is it me!?!? He said I was weak and fake when he’s the alcoholic (weak) and lied about how he wanted to do this and do that for me in the beginning only to never do anything but degrade me. He criticizes my food and praises the food of other mens wives. And honestly some of there food was bland. The gifts ive gotten him for birthday and Xmas were not worn because he said he already had clothes or he would question the item and say what made you buy that. So he was ungrateful as well. He got mad once because i never took him to meet any family other than my parents yet he’s always too drunk or smelly or working so how could i!??! I think he’s even gone to work after drinking because now he can’t operate the company machines anymore because they’ve been getting damaged. He got defensive with his boss about that and i think he’s guilty of damaging the machines. Typing this i see I have endured a lot and now its like i have to beg him for time when I really should be glad he doesn’t wanna be around but im at battle with myself and ashamed for allowing this and just wish he would see the person i am and have been to him. I want to block him without saying why i just want to be done without the feelings and tears. Who i met last year is noT who he is today so i feel like he was the fake one.
  5. Hi all, here's some backstory. I recently decided to start fresh with school after completing one year of college, I am now coming back home to a community college to play soccer for the school and switch majors essentially deeming myself a freshman again. with school and soccer as my main focus plus being back at home with no potential dates on my mind, I though I would end up spending the next two years working, playing, and doing school with no GF, which I was bummed about, but I figured it would be for the better as my last relationship took up the majority of my time and Money often distracting me from more important things, which in retrospect seems bad but it felt right at the time so I can't complain. Anyways... I am training at my new fast food job, handing food out the window to customers when a girl calls me by name (I wear a name tag) and asked if I have a GF, I responded no to which she asked if I wanted one. already flustered worrying about getting orders correct and having my bosses around me, I said come back at 8 (when I got off) and we'll talk. To my surprise, when I got off work and went out to my car, she pulled up. I formally introduced myself and got her name. She's a very pretty girl that I think I would like to have a relationship with, but I then asked her how old she is. She's 17, I'm 19, so she's a HS senior and I'm essentially a college freshman again, only a one year school difference. I was super nervous so I didn't have much time to think so after she said that we both kinda awkwardly smiled at each other, I told her that I'm 19 and that she should come back when she turns 18. she didn't immediately leave so I asked her if she went to school in the area, and coincidentally, she goes to HS in the same town as my Community College. With that info in mind, we ended the convo and went our separate ways. After having a day to reflect though, I am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. With the given info I was able to do some online snooping to find a social media account just so I could see her face again as everything was kinda a blur due to me being nervous, so I do have a form of contact if I do decide to change my mind. I have a few concerns that I would like input on though. First and most importantly, she is 17 and I am 19, according to socials, she just turned 17 and I just turned 19 so we are almost exactly two years apart, I really have no issue with this, my grandparents are like 10 yrs apart so 2 is really no big deal, but with the age gap being at such a significant time legally, me being over 18 and her under , I am wondering if this would cause issues or lead to harsh judgement from others. legally, I think I could only get into trouble if there was a sexual side to the relationship, I would being willing to wait the extra year especially b/c I feel like that stuff is much better when you know your partner better anyways, but would this still lead to assumptions from friends and family anyways. I also don't know for sure that she is okay with the age gap, she didn't immediately leave when I told her my age which is a good sign but I could risk total rejection if I were to reach out. next, I would have to reach out through social media and somehow explain that I had to do some digging to find her which might make her feel weird/ creeped out as well. I also don't even know her or anything about her which means we may be polar opposites anyways. Finally, I am not sure if I am obsessing over this because I am truly attracted to her or because its just the fact that Ive never had girl be that forward with me and then show the dedication to drive all the way back 5 hrs later that I am attracted to. I don't want to miss out on something that could turn into a really great relationship, but with all of these complicating factors, I am wondering if it is something that is really worth it. any help is appreciated. thanks.
  6. Hello everyone, I need some advice. So I have been with my partner for going on 4 years this August. He is a very nice guy who I love. There a just a few issues that I am not happy about. I just turned 27 and he is 28 years old . Both are entrepreneurs ( just explaining this for a little background). He can be a bit selfish in some ways. If we go to get some food and the bill is $20 he asks me to send him $10 which I don’t mind doing however, I used to treat him to dinner all the time just being nice. I stopped doing that because he barely reciprocates. He literally tries to split everything down the middle. I remember going to the laundromat one time and I had 2 dollars in cash and my debit card. My wash was 2.75 he asked me if I had the $2.75, I said I have $2 but I could take money out of the ATM. His wash was $8 and he had a $20 bill on him. Instead of him loaning me a $1 he let me take out $20 from the atm with a $4 transaction fee. When it comes to sex he hasn’t went down on me in almost a year but he always just pulls his pants down and expects oral which I do smh. I told him that he hasn’t gone down on me in almost a year and he said he will start doing it. This was almost two months ago. He said we can hold out until my birthday which was on April 16th, 2020. My birthday comes he gave me a card that he got from the dollar store the day before. Which I was thankful for. Then he said we were going to get lunch and took me to McDonald’s. He then said we were going to eat somewhere for dinner and when we went to the Columbian restaurant the restaurant was out of food. He winded up getting himself something and I didn’t get anything for dinner on my birthday. I asked him could we try to eat at the Columbian place the next day to make it up and he said yes. The days came and went and he has not mentioned treating me to dinner. Remind you it is quarantine time so I get that things are closed. However, him taking the extra effort to see if some other restaurants had food or even cooking me dinner would’ve been so appreciated. I cook everyday and I go down on him whenever he wants. I talked to him about 4 times about why he doesn’t go down on me and he says he will do it next time. He doesn’t aim to please me during sex at all. We never have date nights only if I suggest them. I used to get him gifts throughout the year but I stopped because he was always taking but never randomly did nice things for me. Every time we have alone time he’s always talking about his business 24/7. He never asks how I’m feeling emotionally or if he does he turns the question back around to it being about him. He is funny, smart and attractive. I never have to worry about other women and when I complain about something he does try sometimes. Am I wrong for not feeling satisfied in the relationship? Or even calling off the engagement? Please let me know. Thank you
  7. its been over a month am making my own food now, sharing some insights on few fast food restaurants. Stay safe eat healthy https://www.delish.com/food-news/g3336/what-you-should-never-order-at-fast-food-restaurants/
  8. I am very frustrated. I have been with my wife for 12 years, and in that time she refuses to eat healthy. She will reluctantly eat a little healthier, but not healthy. As a result, I end up eating lots of bad foods. My weight went up to higher then it has ever been. I have gone on diets and done well for while, but ultimately fall off because she brings bad foods into the house, cooks bad food (I cook also and cook healthy options). She will barely eat what I cook, even though a normal person would find it delicious (grilled chicken with sauteed onions, for example). I am foodie and always have been, so having bad foods around is like bringing alcohol into an alcoholics house. I may be able to resist for a while, but in the end, the food wins out. Currently, I have lost 30 lbs on my way to a 80 lbs weight loss goal and have flattened out on the diet, no longer losing. Every meal she makes is breaded, fried, pasta, lots of starches and so forth. I have tried to discuss this with her and she just gets mad, and says that "she is so tired of everyone getting on her about her eating". She will not eat any vegetables, ever. We are not young, her having just turned 40 and we had our first child 5 months ago. She is classified as obese, and I have never gotten on her about that, only my own weight. However, we are older first time parents and I want to ensure we are both here as long as possible for our son and hopefully future children. Her diet aided in a very difficult time in getting pregnant which ended up taking years. She simply will not change and I am beyond frustrated as I want to be healthy. I am tired of feeling like crap, and realize a part of this is on myself, as I have to refrain from eating the crap she brings in, but its difficult when there are few healthy options in the house when she does the shopping, or my own will power waning when she brings in unhealthy stuff after I do the shopping. I thought with our son here now, she would jump on board and be all about getting as healthy as possible, but unfortunately she has not altered her eating in any way. I just don't know what to do anymore as I find myself feeling angry a lot, whenever she prepares a meal or comes home with groceries.
  9. My fiance and I have been together for 11 years. We been engaged for 10. We treat eachother as husband and wife. We have 2 kids together. 10 and 7. Over the last 10 years my man has been emailing women calling them sexy/beautiful. Now the last 4 years he has been on dating websites. We been thru being homeless twice and once for over 3 years. During both those times he's been on the dating sites saying he's single and looking. I have caught him more than once. It's been a couple months since he's been on one. I did see that he's still looking for single milfs and crap. I mentioned to him saying I'm going to leave if he keeps it up. I gave him 5 chances due to our children. I'm not doing anything wrong that i know of. I cook, clean, 24/7 withour kids, we have sex, I'm trending to him wether is food, coffee, cleaning anything! I'm not hurt anymore seeing this but just annoyed and tired of it. I feel selfish for leaving or thinking about it. I don't need to feel like this right? He keeps saying he well stop, but doesn't. What is your opinion? My mom and sis say just leave him! My kids don't like him and it's their dad. He always cusses at them and i feel bad. If i have a bad day it's my fault. He talks to me rude it's all in my head. The last 4 years he hasn't complimented me in anyway besides food. I haven't been told i look good or I'm beautiful. I only get a "this dinner is good" and that's not often. I'm depressed and confused. 😶
  10. Hi All, First off, I want to take the time to thank anyone who is willing to over me some advice. Okay, so to start my ex-boyfriend and I were in a strong and committed relationship for a bit over 4.5 years. We recently broke up on March 27th of this year due to something I did, an active of extreme impulses. We are both in our 20s, him 23 and me going on 21 in a few months. This particular incident began when I called him to see if he’d be able to send me a few dollars to order UberEats around noon. With the pandemic going on, I lost my job working at an elementary school and have been low on funds. I live with my grand currently and also attend college. Anyways, he sent me the money because our kitchen sink was broken at the time. My grandparents felt that if the sink was broken, the whole kitchen was too, lol. After that discussion and him sending the money, he asked if I wanted to go to the mall. I explained to him that it was closed due to the lockdown and perhaps we could grab food instead. He shared that he’d think about it and let me know later. I never bought food because around 3 pm, my grandma cooked after my grandpa temporarily fixed the sink. Anyway, he called around 5:30 pm to see if I was still interested in spending time with him, and I agreed. Around 6 pm, I was heading to his place to pick him up and on the way had informed him that I ate earlier, but wouldn’t mind a bit of snacking. About 5-10 after saying that, he began to think about what I said and changed his mind after I arrived. He instead wanted to just go to the gas station and head home. I have been going to therapy twice a week for two months now, but still have a minor issue with my extreme reactions. So, I got more upset that necessary and called him out of his name and yelled. I apologized immediately, and headed to the gas station. I was still a bit upset at him and asked for him to remove the pump from my car since it was on the passenger side. He said no multiple times, and I kicked him out of my car. He only walked half a block before I gave him a ride, but he told me later that evening that it was too late, and he was done. I have been around way too many toxic relationships and traumatic experiences, and unfortunately, took things out on him. He is very strong, a wonderful man, and I so much want him in my life for good. I’ve made those kind of mistakes throughout our relationship, but just recently seemed therapy and psychiatry. I had trust issues that stemmed from unhealthy marriages throughout my family and an abusive mother. I wasn’t always dependent upon him to make me happy, but I did a bit towards the end of our relationship. He has given me so many changes, and just recently I have been working positively and hard to better myself. We have broken up some times before, not nearly as long, but I would always beg and plead for his return. He would always love me just as much too. I believe that he is the right person that came at the wrong time. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my mother for years and he would always comfort me. I was there for him a lot too. He is an excellent compliment in my life. Currently I have been doing no contact for about 3-4 days, not much, but he doesn’t have me blocked on anything. I jus want to know that as I continue to better myself and let go of the trauma and other people’s experiences, is there a chance that we could get back together and make it work the right way? We have the same life end goals, support each other and have loved each other hard. We never cheated or anything to that extreme. I love him very much, and I do pray for his return. What should I continue to do? Thank you all.
  11. Hi everyone, My boyfriend got a great job on the other side of the country and I accepted to follow him. We have been together for two years. I had to quit my job and I am currently unemployed. Before leaving he told me he will pay for rent and food until I can find a job. He gave me a two month time frame to find one. The issue we are currently facing is he wants me to pay half of the food even if I still did not find a job. He said it is fair as I eat half of the food, actually not really but whatever. I tried to explain that it was unfair to me and that it was not the initial plan. He started telling me that it is what everybody has to do pay for their food. I agree with that but in our case I feel like it is a bit different as I am in this situation because I decided to follow him for his job opportunity, not because I am lazy and not willing to work. He mentioned that I should use my savings for education the time I find work to pay for food. He also added that a boyfriend should not pay for a girlfriend financially, that he was not in a stage of his life where he was willing to "subsidize" me. But he wants to be there for me emotionally. He also added that he thought my behavior was coming from entitlement and that I was a spoiled child. I was flabbergasted as I do not think it has anything to do with entitlement in our case. I would like to point out that I have always paid for my own things and never asked him any money. He wanted to do 50/50 at first on everything but I had to battle to get a 40/60 when we were both working even if the income percentage was not accurate. It was more like 30/70 but he said that the best it was willing to do. I am actually quite surprised he was willing to pay the full amount of rent until I find work but it was my condition to move. He offered me when I am a student to pay 70/30 for all expenses as I plan on doing my master next year. Do you think I am being entitled and unreasonable in this case? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
  12. Are these common in the US? I am having troubles finding them here .
  13. Hi all, Hoping you can help me with some advice. A few months ago I decided to try online dating again. I went on two "first meetings", don't want to call them dates as to me it was just a meeting to see if there was mutual attraction or interest. The first one we met at a local beach and went for a really nice long walk. We went to a market and watched a busker/magician act which was really funny then walked back. It was very pleasant. We talked about how we both like hiking and at the end agreed we would meet up again and go on a hike together this summer. I think this was maybe in May. After our exchange on the evening of the date talking about hikes we might do, I never heard from him again. I didn't bother to follow up because I wasn't really certain if there was a connection or not. I was willing to go on another meeting/date to see but didn't pursue it as he clearly wasn't interested. The second one we met at patio and had a drink/appetizer. During that time he mentioned he has a lot of food allergies and doesn't drink. I don't think that has to be a deal breaker but I am a big foodie and enjoy food and drinks. We went for ice cream (gluten and dairy free for him!) after and had a good talk. At the end of the night he texted me and said he'd like to meet up again and I agreed. Again, after that, nothing. I just let it go because I wasn't too sure about the connection myself. I've been ghosted so many times now that I don't really have the energy to follow up if I didn't feel immediate sparks but wonder if I am being too picky. I figure if a guy just never texts you back, why bother to follow up? But the again, I've been single for a long time so I don't really know the "rules" of dating. Anyway, it's been at least three or four months and suddenly this week I get a text from both these guys, saying sorry for the long absence and asking how am I and would I like to meet up again. What?? Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? I have a feeling maybe they were pursuing other women and that ended so they are looking at back up plans? Or maybe something happened in their lives, who knows. I don't want to judge but to me months of silence like that doesn't bode well. What do you think, should I give them a chance? I think I at least want to write and ask what happened but I don't really know if I want to go on a date with either of them again. I don't want to be rude either but... What would you do?
  14. I've noticed this recurring pattern/relationship problem with her where something would bother her, and she won't bring it up voluntarily and she won't tell me if I ask her what the issue is. When this happens she's quiet and withdrawn and is noticeably in 'some kind of mood'. It seems that these things don't get resolved, resentment builds up, causes things to bother her more easily, which of course doesn't get talked about, which causes more resentment. It seems to be a vicious cycle of lack of communication and resentment that culminate in a major fight. After this happened a few times, I've tried to tell her multiple times that if something is bothering her then its best to bring it up so we can talk about it and resolve it, and that proper communication is key for a relationships, but I'm having a hard time getting through to her and making her understand, and getting her to change her behavior. Her explanation is that I don't understand her and that our communication styles are different and incompatible. She also states that I should know whats bothering her, and that this has never been a problem with other boyfriends. Its ironic because this has never been a problem with any of my ex-gfs. As I can tell the main issue is that she is an introvert and naturally has an inclination to not talk about things and be inward facing. She has an aversion to conflict which might happen if she brings up something that is bothering her. To me it seems like an immature way of dealing with relationships and ones feelings, and I mean that in the sense that she hasn't learnt how to deal with these things effectively yet, and instead uses destructive passive aggressive behavior. I'm also an introvert, and I've recognized this in myself in past relationships. Something has upset me, I didn't talk about it, it doesn't get resolved, resentment builds up, things get worse, and it contributes to the relationship failing. I've been through this. I'm trying to be understanding, but when certain behavior is contributing significantly to the detriment to a relationship, then it seems that it would require more than just understanding. Here's an example: One night she came over and she was going to hang out while I worked on homework. She walked into my room and I immediately noticed that something wasn't right (didn't want to hug me, she was somewhat withdrawn). We did kind of tickle each other a bit but even that was awkward. We kind sat there on my bed. She asked if I ate because she was somewhat hungry. I wasn't, and I told her that I didn't really have anything that was quick and easy to eat. It gave me an idea to ask about what specifically of those kind of things that she liked so I can have them on hand, and she told me. Previously we we're talking about visiting an Italian grocery store which has a deli and bakery, and I asked if she wanted to go there to grab something to eat. She said no, and didn't make any suggestions. She mentioned that she was going to phone some people about rooms to live in (she wanted to move from her current place), so I went back to doing homework, which was our plan for the night. We did this for a few hours. The entire time I felt I was being mindful of her mood and her hunger. I asked what what was wrong, and she mentioned that she was upset that she hasn't found a place at this point in the month, but it seemed like there was more to it. Throughout that time I made several suggestions/methods to get food. I asked if she wanted to go to Superstore (grocery chain in Canada), she said no. Later I asked if she wanted to go to a closer one (5 minutes away), she said no. Later I stated that I'm going to go grab something from the closer one to grab something and if she'd like to come with me. She didn't respond. A bit later I was done with homework, and I was trying to get her out of her shell, so I said that I didn't really want to sit up in my bedroom and do nothing, and I said that I was going to go downstairs and put Harry Potter (she loves the movies) and that she should come and watch it with me. She didn't respond. I stood in front of her as she sat on her bed, touched her shoulder as she was looking at her phone, and asked "sweetie whats wrong"? She didn't respond. So I went downstairs, and went to the bathroom before putting the movie on. As I came out, she stormed out the door. I gave her some space, but we ended up talking a few days later, which turned into a massive string of text messages, mostly negative perceptions from her about me and us. Regarding the above situation she stated that I wasn't accommodating her need of food, that when she left she sat in her car and expected me to come chase after her, and how I don't understand her or know whats going on in her head, and that its my deficiency. Talking at that point was constructive and helpful and we reconciled. The issue about this is that she only seems to want to do this after things escalate into a major fight and we 'break up'. This is something else that I brought up as another communication problem in our relationship. tl;dr: Recurring pattern where ex-gf experiences something that she interprets as aversive, doesn't bring it up, won't admit that somethings bothering her. Then when resentment builds up and things escalate, there's an expectation that I should've known whats wrong, and that I don't understand her, and that we have incompatible communication styles, and ultimately we shouldn't be together because of that. Please give me your opinions! Is this some kind of incompatible communication style? Am I suppose to deduce what her problem is? Am i somehow deficient? Be honest!
  15. We've been together for 4 years and my health and weight during that time has never been an issue until about a year ago. I started my gym membership and went a lot and results came back great, except I actually hate the gym. I have tried to keep up with the gym routine of 3-5 times weekly, but each time I could only stand to do that for 2 months and and I absolutely hate the gym. I can't force myself anymore. Alternatively I now go for long walks or some runs and I eat reasonably healthy with my veggies, fruits and meat, usually none of that fatty burgers or chips or junks. I eat pretty much the same things he does and we'd like to eat healthier but money is an issue. The problem is he now tells me off every time I buy something that isn't healthy. For example I wanted the milo cereal because I haven't had it in a while and I've always liked it. He tells me “it's not healthy! It's all empty carbs and sugar!” It pissed me off so much because he also eat unhealthy things at times and when I try to talk to him about this issue he says “well do you often go for runs and work out at the gym? I can eat those things sometimes because I often do those things. You hate it when I'm right about these things don't you?” He tells me that I am happier when I exercise as well which is fair I must say, but I really hate the gym! I'm not even overweight, the last time I went to the doctor my results came back quite healthy. I'm a size S, sometimes M or 8-10UK in my clothes and I'm okay with my weight. Ofc I could lose a few kilos but that's if I wanna be like those insta models. Our relationship is great in other aspects but he won't stop bugging me every time I buy something that isn't 5star health rating. I'm so frustrated!! What should I do?
  16. So I have this friend, I've posted about her before, we have not been friends that long but we've become super close - she is the girl who is dating a much older man, there was tons of drama at first, and they broke up, but they got back together and are VERY happy and in love now. So now to my issue and I myself feel I am being very judgmental but I DON'T want to be!! Some of you know my issues with weight in the past, and my obsessive quest to remain thin. I had an eating disorder many years ago, it goes back to my mom (not blaming her, but my issues are related to her obsessive need to be thin and to keep ME thin)! Anyway, I still struggle with it, although not as bad, but I still probably have a rather unhealthy attitude about weight if I'm honest. So, back to my friend. Within the past few weeks, she has gained a TON of weight. I would say around 25 pounds on a 5'3" frame. Which would not be so bad except she has not bought new clothes so her clothes are way too tight, she literally busts out of her blouses (buttons look like they're gonna pop), she has broken zippers, her belly spills out way over her pants and she literally looks like she's eight months pregnant! I kid you not. She is definitely not pregnant we just had a discussion about birth control and she has admitted she wants no more kids, she has one already. At first I was super worried cause gaining so much weight, especially in her tummy, I just didn't think was normal OR healthy. I addressed it very sensitively and she assured me when she gains weight, most of it goes to her tummy so she assured me she was fine. So that's all good, whew! But to the eating, extremely unhealthy foods and LOTS of it, literally all day long. I spent a day with her last week and I was shocked at how much she ate in one day -- ALL unhealthy, burritos, fast food, chips, cookies, pizza, Mexican, you name it! She is always telling me how fat she is (she uses that word) but it doesn't appear she wants to do anything about it, she says her bf loves her body as is (which is fabulous, truly!) but at the rate she's going, the way she eats and with most of her weight going to her tummy, I don't know how to make her understand how serious an issue it is, health wise! I also want to tell her how bad it looks appearance wise, but never would. As for her busting out of all her clothes, she got super pissed off at her employer cause they called her in last week and told her she needs to dress more professionally and wear outfits that fit the image of the company. She has worked there for years and this is the first time addressing it so my guess it it does have something to do with her weight gain and how she busts out of all her clothes. Guys, am I being too harsh and judgmental here? As background, I had a another friend who gained about 30 pounds a few years back but she still looked beautiful, wore tasteful clothes and ate healthy, just more than usual (her now-husband and she like to dine out a lot) which is why she gained. But this situation is different, I don't know I think I need a good kick in the butt to get me out of this overly-judgmental state, which I am OWNING, and I don't like feeling this way!!
  17. My ex and I broke up a month ago and in that time we talked a few times. Sometimes we would fight sometimes she showed interest in hanging out soon, she asked me if I could bring her food once and immediately said never mind she doesn’t want to see me. She talked a lot about mistakes I made in our relationship. Last time we talked I told Her she needs to be clear because she keeps being all over the place and that I want to talk about us or she needs to block me on her phone and all social media. She blocked me, She had blocked me before and would unblock me After a few days. Was it a bad idea to tell Her to block me? Will she want to talk eventually?
  18. I'm feeling quite angry and overwhelmed at the moment and really just need to vent. Hoping to maybe get some new perspectives on this because I'm feeling a bit emotional at the moment and not sure if I'm thinking clearly. So, for anyone that doesn't know me here, I'm a 34-year-old woman, I have a Certificate 4 in Mental Health, Diploma of Disability and a Bachelor of Psychology. I've done a fair bit of volunteering in the aged care, mental health and disability field. I have also been working in paid employment for five years mostly for not-for-profit welfare organisations with people with various disabilities and mental health issues. One thing that I really need to vent about is this volunteer work that I've been doing for 2+ years but I'm seriously thinking to quit it now. Back in 2015-2016 I think it was, I wanted to see if I'd like working in disability advocacy and took up a volunteer role to get a feel of it and experience. The volunteer role I've been doing is with a non profit advocacy agency where I keep in touch with a severely intellectually disabled older lady who can't speak. She lives in a residential facility and my job is basically to visit her every so often, call the staff on the phone, and to keep an eye on her general life, well being, treatment by staff, etc. And to speak on her behalf if any issues arise, such as mistreatment or abuse. Which has never happened so far so to be fair I haven't actually done anything like that. This volunteer role has no time limit and can be indefinite (i.e. forever) but also I'm pretty sure did not specify that "x amount" of months or years of commitment was expected. From the beginning of the volunteering, I never liked the volunteer co-ordinator who is managing me because I just had a bad vibe from her and found her fake and insincere. On top of that, the key support worker of the disabled lady in her residence and some other staff there always seemed to just want to use me to take the lady out for lunch, coffee and shopping because the lady is lonely and bored sitting at home and she absolutely loves going out. That is not my actual role though to be a social and activity buddy and my co-ordinator even acknowledged to me that the staff should not be doing that, but she never seemed to have said anything to them because they just keep doing it. I should mention though that this key worker is overall a nice man and the disabled lady very sweet and no bad behaviours at all, very happy person who always smiles and is easy to be around. After about 1.5 years of volunteering I will admit that I lost interest in it for the reasons I just mentioned. I guess I had a feeling the co-ordindator would be pushy so I didn't tell her anything and I sort of just avoided the disabled lady and didn't really see her for close to a year. I also avoided some of the co-oridnator's calls and messages. Finally I responded to her and I tried to tell her over a coffee meeting that I didn't want to do it anymore because I was busy with work and supporting my fiance who has very bad depression and anxiety also. The co-ordinator basically didn't want to hear it and didn't really act sympathetic but was quite manipulative. She was like: "I literally have nobody else to take your place, we have a very long wait list, she will have nobody. She needs you so much right now, she relies on you, etc, etc." I felt really pressured and manipulated into it so continued to do it. But I'm getting really fed up with it because the male key worker told me to visit the lady once a month and on a Saturday or Sunday and for all three of us to go out for four hours because that's the duration of his whole shift. He said not to come any other time because we can't go out. One time he said he'd pick me up in the work car but he was pretty late and I was just sitting around waiting for him. So all this was really eating into my free weekend time. Also the co-ordinator keeps harrassing me about re doing my police check and I gave her all the documents already except for one. I said I would get it verified and scanned when I can because I'm really busy working two jobs. However instead of waiting for me to get it to her, she proceeded to keep texting me about it three times. Anyway, now I texted her and said I want to talk and I'm not happy about what's going on. Post is getting long so will try to summarise about my jobs. So I've been in a job for just over two years in that same role with people with disabilities and mental health. I get paid well there and I like the clients but my shifts got significantly cut down and I also find my boss really unprofessional and inappropriate. By inappropriate I don't actually mean sexual but just not acting in ways appropriate to what a manager should act like. He basically never replies to any calls or messages and is totally AWOL. I don't work as part of a team but just remotely out in the community with the clients and I never get any staff training, meetings, no Christmas party. My boss has displayed some unprofessional behaviour too like when he went on a cruise in Fiji and he looked me up and contacted me on Facebook and asked me to do his work that he didn't do before he left because he had no phone reception on the ship. Anyway so I was a bit fed up and five months ago I started looking for a new job in the mental health and disability field. I applied only for jobs I truly wanted so not a huge amount, but decent number of jobs. A lot of them I didn't even get an interview and also got a few interviews but didn't get the job. Some of them also expected me to use my own car but I don't have a car. After 3-4 months of searching I ended up getting a job with a large country wide non-profit organisation. The job is only a casual relief/fill in worker in a residential house with people with reasonably severe mental health issues and intellectual disabilities. One person does have difficult behaviours. All the staff and manager there are nice and I'm fine with the clients too. But the money is not good and they also keep calling me too much to work and rostering me on some late nigh shifts and weekends. I'm still doing my other job too because I didn't know when they're gonna call me at the relief worker job so I needed to have some ongoing shifts as well. Anyway so now I'm feeling really tired and stressed and really disillusioned because I'm not enjoying the relief job. I'm just feeling so frustrated because I don't understand why with all my tertiary qualifications and experience I just can't find anything better than all this. Or am I maybe expecting too much because you can't find something perfect? Can anyone relate?
  19. So my boyfriend is a senior in high school (I graduated last year). There is a girl in his class who has made it very obvious that she is interested in him and it as caused a few problems because he could not see that she was. They were friends years ago but have not been in the past 3.5 years (2 of which we have been dating.) She started texting him towards the end of the summer wanting him to come party with her and very obviously flirting and what not. He has always been friendly but never flirty. She has also been outwardly rude to me. This furthers my suspicions because we use to be friends and she is known for being friendly. She gets weird around me though. Every time we have been at social events with her, I will see her talking to my boyfriend when I go to talk to someone else, and seconds after I join them, she gets awkward and leaves. (Many of these times she has been way too close to him, touching him arms and stuff). Anyways, my bf does not talk to her anymore because I told him I wasn't comfortable with it and he respects my boundaries. However, he is now applying to work at the same fast food place as her. I know this is not a huge deal and is not really my business. But there are many other fast food places he could apply. Should I mention that I would rather he apply elsewhere or just leave it be?
  20. So, I have a friend who I love dearly, partially as a good friend and partially like a son. He's a really, really sweet guy who cares about others. But he's making some bad decisions and is constantly going back and forth about what he wants to do with his life. The going back and forth doesn't bother me much...he's doing pretty well in his current position so I don't see that as much of an issue even though he seems to change his mind every five minutes about what he wants to do with his life. It's his life path and whatever career he chooses or wherever he wants to live has no bearing on my life. What is more upsetting is his handling of his finances and how it affects him emotionally. Yes, I know how he handles his finances is absolutely none of my business...except he complains to me frequently. For example, I know he owes several hundred dollars to various agencies such as utilities, doctors, etc. He's struggling to make his house payment because he's relying on roommates to help with the payment and currently he has no roommates and is having no luck finding any except people who don't work and don't pay rent. He was complaining to me about 5 days ago that he was so broke he had no money to buy food because he'd spent several hundred dollars on electronics he didn't need but wanted. So, what did he do last night? He bought a new car! He messaged me with a pic, obviously either expecting or hoping that I'd get excited for him and congratulate him. I gave him a kind of lukewarm response along the lines of "nice car! The dogs will like riding in it!", but I couldn't bring myself to give him the response I think he was hoping for. He stopped messaging me after my tepid response. I mean...sorry, but that was a bad decision and how could I be excited when 5 days ago he was rummaging in his fridge searching for something to feed himself? He even said he hopes he's able to make the payments. He owes hundreds for bills, struggles to make his house payment, and I'm supposed to be happy he bought a new car??? I do feel guilty because I'm sure he's excited and was hoping I'd be happy for him, but gosh darn...I just think it would have been better to wait until some of his bills are paid. I think once the excitement wears off he will be stressed and anxious about making the payment...just like he was after he bought all those electronics. Again, yes, I know this is none of my business except he vents and complains to me so often about being broke (his word). I value our friendship and want to keep it, but I don't feel right encouraging him to do these things when he's done them before and gotten depressed and anxious when the bills come in and he doesn't have the money. I mean, should I just fake it and pretend I'm super duper excited? Or should I just keep doing what I did, give a kind of lame response because I don't feel right being dishonest to a friend I care about? I'm the kind of person who believes one should be honest with friends. I don't blow sunshine up peoples' butts if I think they're making a huge mistake. I don't lecture or act superior or give my opinion if it hasn't been asked for, and I've never used the words "I told you so!!" But aren't there are some people who would prefer you just act excited for them even if you think they're doing something they'll end up regretting? Thoughts?
  21. I have depression, today is the first bad day I’ve had in a while, I don’t feel miserable so much but just apathetic and slightly sad. I have a bad habit of self neglect including starving or bingeing when I go downhill. I went to the shop to buy food and spent about 30 minutes in there trying to find something healthy and comforting. I just couldn’t motivate myself to even buy the food let alone cook it. So I gave up. What foods can you recommend that are very quick and simple to prepare that will pick me up when I feel down? The meal I wanted was salmon with boiled eggs, asparagus, new potatoes, carrots and hollandaise. They didn’t have the sauce and I knew I wouldn’t cook it if they did. I have lots of chores to do and I just feel like crap 😔
  22. Hey! So I have been seeing this girl named Kim after the other girl broke up with me. I met Kim first time last year because of my friend. We were playing basketball with my friend and her friends. It was like one day and then we never met after that so we just kept sending snaps to each other everday till now. Also one time she was calling me to bring her food and at that time I was home and she was with her friends in the city... I said no because I felt like I was being used as a «delivery guy» and she eventually agreed and said that she was sorry and it was mainly because she was lazy. We have been to carnival, hiking and hanging around in the neighbourhood. (just what normal friend would do) She recently asked me out to get a drink after she comes home from vacation.... could this be a date? She is mostly playful with me and I remember at the carnival she was throwing water at me. I do like this girl so should I ask her out?
  23. Hi, I met my partner about two years ago, and I lived in a house which is mine (which is mortgaged), and she lived 30 miles away in rented accommodation. After the first year of the relationship, she said she wanted kids (as she was 40) and I said no because I didn't know her long enough to bring in another life into the world. In the second year of our relationship, I moved into her rented accommodation and I pay for all the food bills plus I still have to pay all the bills on my mortgaged property. She pays all the bills/rent on the rented place. Her mum has passed away and left her a house (mortgage free) which is about 200 miles away. Now my partner has to pay bills for her rented place and pays minor bills on her new house 200 miles away. She has now said, that I should sell my house and move the contents of my house into storage, then one day move from the rented house and buy a house together. I earn triple a month on what she earns, but when she sells her mums house, she will be wealthier than me. We both don't want to get married. So the question is, should I sell my house or should she move into my house from the rented accommodation? Do you think because I live in the rented accommodation 7 days a week and I pay all the food bills and going out bills, and she pays or the regular bills that that is fair?
  24. I'm looking for some insight from someone who may have been pressured by someone higher up the food chain to take a promotion. If you weren't comfortable with this and you declined to accept, my question is how did you tell your boss "no" and what was the response?
  25. Ok, so here goes: My girlfriend and I had an argument, and as a result of her reaction I'm struggling over whether the relationship is working. It was a completely innocuous thing when isolated - we're both Uni students and her library books had ran out and she had fines. She wanted me to run down to the library to take them back for her. The thing is, I'd just got back in after going to the shops. I didn't want to run straight back out, and she's very capable of doing it herself. Her reasoning was she didn't have makeup on/hadn't washed her hair, but the library is 4-5 minutes away and a student one, nobody cares. She could have thrown on a hoody and gone on down, but she was insistent I do it because of her 'anxiety' meaning she needed to put on makeup to do it. Despite this, I know she's gone out plenty of times without makeup etc on, I feel like she just can't be bothered to do it. I told her no, I'd just got back in and she needs to do it, and that she needs to suck it up and just go down and get it done. I was a bit rude, but I was annoyed that she was getting angry at me because I wouldn't do it for her. Like I said, in isolation this is a nothing incident, but I left soon after and she was obviously in a mood. It's part of a wider problem; she's always getting me to do things (go to the shops, get her food etc) and I'm sick of feeling like a servant at times, so something just kinda snapped and I was like 'No, do it yourself'. She blames her mental health for needing me to do these things, but she's an adult and would have to do them if I wasn't around. I don't mind doing things for her at all but it's constant. That night I'd brought her back dinner/something to drink from the shops but she wanted to send me out again. It would have been so easy for her to throw on a hoody and walk to the library. She'd also been sat on her computer the entire night before and most of the day playing games and I was irritated because of that. I just kinda felt like she was only bothering with me if she needed something. Anyway, I'd appreciate some advice on how to confront this with her. I have a general idea, but I wanted to get some other opinions on whether I'm not just being a bit of an arse.
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