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  1. Author's Note Stephen King, Cervantes, Dan Brown , Shakespeare, Dr. Freud. None of them has contributed entirely or partially to this work. PREFACE To me, for having endure all those unwanted and unnecessary headaches. PROLOGUE Monthly female menstruation…I want one of those! With all its discomfort and moods swing. Who cares! I just want one of those. Simple. I heard some women got terrible pains, lots of tummy cramps and so on. Still, I want one of those. I bet its gotta be less painful than reading on the Dating Forum how your 100K salary or your new Lamborghini is gonna miraculously solve your dating life and improve your knowledge about the Venus inhabitants. It is sad but could you possible blame them for such idiotic thoughts ? Society hasn’t been this shallow in our entire human history. And times haven't been this fast since the light speed. I want a girlfriend but not now…yesterday! To succeed in today's dating scene one must think back on his mother and on the times she was working at home : multitasking. Otherwise how could you possibly talk to a woman in a bar while sipping your drink, replying to your whatsapp message along with checking your facebook and replying to your email ? Indeed, mothers are one of a kind. The Queens of the multitasking. But our male brains are wired in a way that we panic once presented with the challenge to execute two jobs at the same time. I have tried this at home several times with no success. Cooking always ends up with the fire brigade at my front door. And yes, the world is gone mad. Men behave like women and women keep wondering where all the real men are. The few male survivors got left with nothing more than astonishment and bewildered about what to do next. It's all very confusing. We need to reset ourselves to our primary instincts and to regain our male traits that once earned us the respect not only among each other but also from the female population. I was thinking about a monthly reset, like a constant reminder, something like you can't avoid even if you wanted to. Like when you were a kid and your mother took you by the ear to make sure you got to school…and on time. I keep thinking and thinking…and the more I think about it the more convinced I am that I want one of those : monthly menstruation. CHAPTER ONE : THE USUAL SUSPECT He is loud, got no manners and on the look for any iHole moving around. Given the chance, this guy will sexually assault the Teletubbies. A successful life means to him having had sex once in his life with the promise for more. His usual "working-place" is the crowded bar or pub located on the corner of any given city. And yet, this is my favorite candidate, the one to excel beyond imagination. Sooner rather than later, he will hit rock bottom to find himself lying down on the sofa of a depressed psychologist who promised him to rediscover and find himself in some kind of third dimension beyond the Solar System. After some bucks and disgusted by the office smell, he will decide to take a grip of himself and do what smart and conscious people do at their lowest point : hit the brakes and let that airbag punch you in the face. This is his reset time. His friends get worried because he is not being the usual moron of the group. Clowns are quite noticed. His mother thinks he has been possessed by the devil. Granny writes to the Pope. But our usual suspect has been handed over the key to the matrix and Neo doesn’t rule there. His brain is recollecting all useful information and reliving the shameful moments. Adjustment is taking place and realizations are being accepted. Our man is ready to hit the dating scene. CHAPTER TWO : YOUR DATING EQUIPMENT …coming soon.
  2. i have my period this week but im going away this weekend and its not suppose to stop until sunday, if i start tsking mypills today will it make my period stop or will it just keep going?
  3. I don't understand what is going on here. I slept with this guy last night and all of a sudden i see blood on the condom. Went to the toliets got some tisseu and i was still bleeding. I am not due to come on my period yet. Please help me. Has anyone has this before? Now the guy is ignoring me too i think beacuse of this. Will this put men off? oh and he isn't my boyfriend. thanks
  4. Ok!! I'm on birth control. I've been on it for over a year now. I DON'T miss a pill if I ever missed a pill it was no more than ONE. I get freaked out easily and if I'm on top of anything it's my birth control. I was suppose to start my period this past weekend. But nothing ever happened. I saw LITTLE traces of what could have been blood, but it was not enough to tell me anything!!! So I'm kinda freaking out, I've already started on a new pack of birth control, so I won't start my period until next month. I didn't miss any pills at all last month at all. I know I'm stressing myself out about this, until I get a test, but could I be pregnant?
  5. I have been on birth control for over a year now and I was suppose to start my period over the weekend. I never got my period, just a barely noticiable spot of pink when I whiped, Some other times it was brown mucus looking stuff. I started on a new pack of birth control already, so I don't think i'll be able to get my period until next month. Could I be pregnant? It is really stressing me out, I won't be able to buy a PT until Sunday, So I'm trying to figure out if I could be pregnant or not.
  6. I can't really believe that I'm writing about this on a public forum...but you guys have always helped me though my rough times...so here goes.... Well, I've been with a bf for a while, we're in our early 20s and in grad school right now and have never had sex due to religious reasons. We do, however, often play around withough any protection when I know we should be using it (bad I know....). Last week we were playing around and he ejaculated and the only way any of his sperm would have gotten in contact with me is if there were some on his fingers. Ok, well to get to the point, my period is now a day late and I am freaking out...........I'm in the middle of midterms, completely stressed out, and the fact that my period is late is killing me. Could I possibly be pregnant??? I'm not ready for that.........it stresses me out soo much that I find it hard to concentrate on anything and it is certainly affecting my school work......which is extremely bad during midterms. I also have a hard time eating anything, I'm just completely paranoid!!!!! I was talking to my bf and he just sais that there really is no need to worry right now, that my stress is probably causing my period to be a little late....... I don't know.....I'm just so stessed out about this, my paretns would probably disown me if I was pregnant....... Anyway, sorry this is soo long...I just needed to let things out a little bit....thanks for your support.
  7. Just out of curiosity... how does one deal with sex during menstruation? Does one simply abstain for one week every month? Or is it a bloody mess? Do you need towels? Can the blood be enjoyable? Does it make things easier? Thanks! Just wondering!!
  8. maymie

    Could I?

    Me and my bf have been together for 2+ years. My last period was the very end of January. Its now March 8. Sometimes my period freaks out and comes late because of stress. (This past month has been extremely stressful.) The condom didn't break or anything, but I'm just a little worried. Ive taken a few pregnancy tests, and they came up negative, but I have heard they can be wrong if you take them at the wrong time. Am I overreacting? Or could I be pregnant? Help!
  9. Had protected sex last night with condom. She just got off her period March 4. She started her Period Feb 28. Last night was March 6. Thats 6 days since she started her last period. ANyhow, the condom broke last night and I finished without knowing. She is as regular as clock work with a 30 day cycle. We are not overly concerned, but just wanted a few opinions.
  10. punchdrunk225

    Am I?

    OK well i had sex with a friend and i had my period two weeks after but it lasted 7 days i also was supposed to have my period the day i had sex but it was a week late can i be pregnant either way?? ive been throwing up and having bad headhaches and had weird abdominal pains and changes please help
  11. I have a serious question here Is the best time to have sex directly after your period the best time in order to not risk pregnancy or should I wait a few days after my period has passed??
  12. I quoted myself from another thread. She had her period a couple of days ago. It was the 17/18th day since her last time. Is it safe to say there's nothing to be worried about now? Sorry if this is a silly question. I would also want to know why is her period so soon? Is this normal?
  13. i know this might be harder for some, i am mostly doing this to force myself to think about it and "say it out loud" She is very high maintanence, i walked her home either on foot or on the phone every time she had to walk alone in the dark for the past two years, i got really frustrated with it after a while (i really really hate being on the phone). on the rare occasions that we wernt together for a day i would get 3-5 phone calls about random unimportant issues. She lives her life from one chrisis to another, one week she is in pain from her period, next she has migranes, next a fight with her mother, then she gets sick, the two days everything is fine, then she develops some sort of flue, this has pretty much been the standard for two years, at some point i had a really hard time supporting her through her ever lasting and ever changing problems. i got to the point i just didnt know what was real and what was just out of constant stress. In two years she initiated sex around 5-10 times (around half of that in the first 3 months). made me feel very insecure and unnatractive (i am a very physical kinda person). on the same subject knowing she has never expirienced an orgasm i would go down on her pretty much every single time we slept together, use the toys and in general give her a good long warm up. she'd return the favor like once a month on avrage. she pretty much lost all contact with the world while we where together, i told her multiple times she spends to much time at my place ,most of our relashonship she was here 6-7 days a week. i never had the heart to kick her out, couldnt tell her to go home. I was her life and she just never initiated anything without me or with her friends and with me. well, took me an hour and a half to get that out, not even sure if i feel better yet, guess only time will tell.
  14. So my period is coming. I feel like a completely different person. I feel crazy like I'm going to flip out. I have exams coming up in a few days and all I can think about it how much I want to ask the therapist if she can ask my professors to extend the exam dates for just one week - until my period is done. I literally feel like a different person. I want to die. The world sucks. I'm horribly ugly. I feel obsessive. I'm in pain, crampy, grumpy, depressed, my back hurts and I can't sleep. Just yesterday, I was studying very well, I was proud of myself......my life seemed to be better. THEN, today, BAM, I feel like death warmed over. I don't want to cop out on my exams.....in fact, I feel incredibly ashamed and embarrassed. I want to do well. But when I read my textbook, nothing makes sense. My concentration is foggy. My body bloated. I feel like a gigantic swollen blueberry. This is hell and I don't know what to do. I really want to do well on these exams.....but I'm going nuts. If only I were off my period or the symptoms went away........Help. :sad: It is so hard to do anything, to enjoy life, to finish a task when your body is breaking down on you. I am like a different person on my period. Whiny. Moopy. Anxious. I wish there were days given off to female students and at work too for periods. I don't mind making up the stuff and hours at a different times......it's hard to function on these days though. Next time I will plan important tasks around my period. I will make a plan so I can manage these around this. But I forgot how painfully it affects me everytime and I didn't plan for it. What am I going to do?
  15. My girlfriend and I have been having sex for about a month. Every time, I pull out before i cum and i just finish outside of her. Within the first week of us having sex, she was not on the pill, but, as I said, I pull out every time. She then became on the pill after about a week of sex. A couple weeks later, she stopped taking it (to get her period). After 1 or 2 days of being off it, she got her period. She says it was normal bleeding and all that jazz. After she got off of her period, she has been complaining about how sore her breasts were. She said they are VERY tender and hurt, even if they are barely touched. I know that this is an early sign of pregnancy, and this worries us. We bought a pregnancy test the other day, and she used it and the test came up a negative. This was great relief, but it STILL worries us because I heard that false negatives are common. What is your opinion? Do you think she is pregnant? What are the chances? We do not want a pregnancy right now, that would be terrible.
  16. Hello guys, I hope you can offer me some insight. My girlfriend and I are rather confused and worried. She recently (3 months ago) switched birth control to a "weaker" pill. Everything was fine until about a couple of weeks ago. She was not due for her period till 10 days later, but she had it anyway. She kept taking the hormone pills (non-placebo) and she kept menstruating for 4 days or so. When it was time for her "sugar" pills, i.e. when her period was SUPPOSED to be, she didnt bleed much at all, and just spotted a little, and we kept having sex. I brought this up to her and now shes worried, and so am I. What does this mean really? Is this common? Can that happen and the woman not be pregnant? Its too early to take a pregnancy test ... Help?
  17. about 2 months ago, i had unprotected sex with a girl. it didn't last long, maybe a few seconds before we stopped. she was paranoid that i came inside of her, but i pulled out. so she became really nervous and worried about getting pregnant. she was a week or two late. so she took a test and it was negative. then she said her period started. so i was relieved. this was all 2 months ago. i asked her yesterday how many times she had her period since then, and she said just once. am i good here? i just think too much and worry that she is pregnant. i know thats stupid because she had her period, but i'm just wondering if its possible or if i should stop worrying. thanks.
  18. I have a question: if a woman had just finished her period, it should be safe to do sex without condom right? (I am talking about safe=not get pregnant) Thanks
  19. I don't know if this is the right section to post this, but here it goes. About 2 or 3 months ago, I had unprotected sex with this girl i'm not in a relationship with. But we stopped after a few seconds. She isn't pregnant. Test was negative and she has her period. But what i am worried about is STD's. I haven't had any symptoms, and she said she's clean. But i just get paranoid that i have HIV or something. It bothers me a lot. I should probably get tested, but i just want to know if you think there's a good chance that i do have it. And how do i go about geting tested? Thanks.
  20. When I ate dinner tonight, I only ate a hot dog and a half and they were wrapped in creasent rolls. Now, even 5 hours after I ate, I fell like I just ate only 5 minutes ago. My stomach still feels completely full, and it's very uncomfortable to me. Does anyone know what's going on? Is there something wrong with my digestion? It it just bloating because my period just started yesterday? Anything anyone knows that can help? Any advice, suggestions? Thanks so much in advance!!
  21. i gave my girl an oral last night, and she told me that she was done with her period that day but i gave her the oral that night. and when i started it tasted kind of bad! is this supposed to happen? i was about to throw up! is this normal? is it from the menstruation? please help!!!
  22. Yesterday was the last day of my period, me and my guy met and had unprotected sex. It was unprotected but he withdrew from me. Do you think I need the morning after pill though baring in mind he didn't come inside me and it was the last day of my period so there won't be an egg to fertilise?? I would take it but a couple of years ago when I was 16 I took the morning after pill like 20 times in a short space of time and I'm worried that this will cause me long time side effects in the future so I'm scared to take it again right now..
  23. over xmas break, I lost my virginity- had my period and all that. Then, the following week, I got a urinary tract infection which I never had before. I experienced a fever and then had really bad chest pains at night. A few weeks after that, I thought it was over. I got my period. Then, I began experiencing horrible lower back pain, especially near my right side. In the mirror, I noticed that I was standing a bit crooked and then looking at my body, I was because of the pain and it was like my structure suddenly changed. During the day, I had random pains in my head for a while. Now, I feel it most in my stomach (which a lot of the time, feels sick- especially in the evening- my appitite has lessened so much, I've lost weight even) and if I get up real fast, I feel strange pains in my heart. At night, I experience strange emotions of anxiety and fast breathing. It fades by morning as with back pain, but it still happens almost every night. It sometimes feels like my heart is going to explode. Anyone know what these means? During the day, my emotions are still strange and strong, like a love or a need for something. Then I get anxiety again at night. I also got over another but milder urinary tract infection last week.
  24. I was talking to my best friend about sex last week and we got on the topic of things we'd never do. She said she'd never try anal again because she tried it and didn't like it. I said that I'd try it but only with someone I really trusted in a committed relationship. She said that she'd never have sex on her period or let a guy cum in her mouth. I told her that i was fine with both of those. I'm fine with a guy cumming in my mouth and it cuts down on clean up afterward. I actually like sex during my period more sometimes. She said it was disgusting and that i was nasty. I asked another friend about it and she told me that she thought both were nasty too. She couldn't believe i did that. My best friend said that she'd never had a guy (including her husband) ask her for sex while she was having her period and if they had she would have cursed them out. She's also very VERY against a guy cumming in her mouth during oral. She said once when a guy didn't tell her he was about to cum she kicked him out of her house. I agree that he was a fool for not making sure it didn't happen when she told him to tell her. I'm wondering if the fact that i'm fine with and willing to do those things influence how the guys i was with thought of me. Is doing those things making men lose respect for me? Am i some sort of sex fiend for thinking it's totally fine and actually enjoying those activities? There are people into things (scat, water sports, BDSM etc) that are way more out there than having sex on your period or swallowing. I just don't see how it's seen as so nasty. From what i hear from people, spanking is concidered kinky now. That's something that i thought a lot of people did.
  25. All I did was start taking Midol a couple days before my period actually started (I get cramps right when my period begins, not before). A couple days before I knew I was going to start, I felt just a little bloating and soreness, the usual warning signs, and I took a Midol. The next day, same thing, I took a Midol. This morning I actually started and again took a Midol. Usually, it only cuts back my cramps/bloating/fatigue to about half. But today I've felt perfectly fine! I can't remember the last time I haven't felt miserable during a period. I heard a gynecologist on Oprah a couple weeks ago tell an audience member who had terrible cramps about this method. It's as if your body gets used to the medicine and thereforeeee responds more easily to it. The only downside I see is that you have to buy twice as much Midol (or whatever medicine you take usually for cramps) over the course of a year lol. I will admit it helps to be able to predict your period to a specific day. Say... you start on Saturday so you begin taking medicine on Thursday. But I recommend this for people who have tough symptoms... it worked for me.
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