kdreger

A lot of diverse opinions on this... very cool. What a lot of people forget is that infidelity is usually a symptom of something else. Did he ever tell you a reason for his affair? You have to look to that as a means to come to peace with it. How you regain your trust is find out why it happened. When you know why, you work on fixing that and then when that is fixed you can feel that the problem has been solved and thereforeeeeee trust is a possibility. You're feeling hurt. That is understandable. You have every right to do whatever makes you feel your worth - stay or leave. The question is: is this man worth staying? Has he been good otherwise? Was his reason for cheating one you can accept? If yes, then work on this. Don't rush into a decision though. If you need it, take a trip by yourself somewhere and spend some time alone to contemplate your future. This is YOUR life. Do what makes you feel in control and happy.

I've been in a threesome. It was INTERESTING. I'm of mixed emotion though. I feel both that you should do it because you only live once and it's interesting but on the other hand there's a few problems. 1) As with anything in life, as you progress in intensity it's hard to return to what was before without seeing it as a step backwards. How will you sex one on one after you've had a couple guys pleasing you. I mean honestly, there's nothing like having two people of the opposite sex. So you just might find it so exciting and fun that you can't see just having normal sex again. 2) You HAVE to be willing to involve a woman if you expect to involve a man. Don't knock it either. If your relationship is comfortable this might open a whole new world for you and your husband. 3) There are many ways to spice up a sex life if you want to keep from including the neighbours heheheh Sex in strange places, roleplaying, toys etc.. what you have to acknowledge is that by starting to include other people, there will be more emotions involved. Your male friend won't be hurt - what might happen is that is dangerous is that he pushes buttons that your husband doesn't. What then? What if you start to dream about sex with him while with your husband? What if he contacts you and asks to have sex with you alone - what if you're tempted? 4) You only live once. Monogomy is important but so is keeping a relationship alive. Relationships are more than about sex. If having an open one keeps you two together versus going your separate ways...? As well, where do you live? hahahahah Just joking.

Handie... 1) How experienced is she at giving handie's? Obviously any guy who's ever masturbated knows that you can't yank it like you're tryin get ketchup out of a ketchup bottle. As well, as a bit of advice, if she hurts you don't scream out loud... just try to keep your cool or you'll never get another handie. As well, if you're courageous and ballsy ask her while she's doing it if she's willing to involve her mouth in the action... then you might get a bit of a blow job... woohoo.

What jumped out at me right away is the same as the prior advice. Dating service BUT not just any. Go to link removed and create a profile under INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS. These are people who want relationships without the strings attached. Not just sex - but without that required progression towards serious relationships. Your problem is not only that you travel a lot but it'll be hard to expect a woman to wait for you while you travel so much. So you should do one of the following: 1) Find someone who travels similar to you - very hard 2) Get into a no strings relationship where you can have the affection and attention you need when you're available. 3) Get a different job

Jesus, reading your post was like reading my own journal. Yikes. Men! My relationship went on a break that turned into a breakup for all those reasons. I tried to salvage it at the end but, in a lot of ways, once a woman gets to that point it's the end. Now she has to explore the world as someone whose single, in order to decide if she wants what you two had. Don't wait for her. If / when she comes back it won't be for awhile and she won't fully trust you or start to share this stage of her life unless she sees that you have gone on with your life. Once she doesn't feel like you're waiting for her she will start to spend time again with you, as a friend. Friendship might be all that you get from her but then again maybe a year or two down the road it may blossom into something beautiful and powerful - where you will see marriage. Life is about change and self-discovery. Don't be sad. It's hard, I know. I've been where you are. The days are long and you don't know how you'll ever go on without her smile, touch and laugh. But you have to. It's all you can do. Take it day by day and know you're not alone. What you can do now is grow and learn - and hope.

I've been there but from the other side. It's hard when your life is in a rut and everything that is going to free you is ahead of you. My ex left because she felt we were incompatible due to such things - my huge student debt, my kids and my various future issues like finishing the degree etc. I was crushed. I thought we'd fight through it all and she'd wait for me. Yet, it's unfair of me, to expect her (as much as it's unfair of your bf to expect you) to put your life on hold. You have needs, future plans and hopes. You can't live on 'if's' or 'maybe's'. You may leave and someday in the future look back at it as an important decision that you made correctly or you may regret the loss of him. In either case, you have to live today in a way that makes you feel that you are progressing forward in life.

Sex with my ex was GOOD. She said I was the best and wanted to stay friends with benefits after the breakup. The problem was I was still in love with her and I couldn't. I WANTED to, let me tell you, but all that would happen is that I would have stayed in love and extended my suffering. So maybe some day in the future when I'm not in love with her, I might get the offer again but I don't suggest it unless there are no emotions involved.

I'm from Canada so my view might not be shared by most. Smoking weed does not make you a "druggie". In fact, in Canada, we're trying to legalize it. Let me just get my bong out... I love Canada. But I digress... the question should be, is staying with you going to have a negative effect on you world. If so, dump him. It sounds like it is... man overboard!

You asked: "How can I give my girlfriend her first orgasm"? My answer: "Bring her over to my place..." HA HA HA Ok ok bad humor. Actually, oral sex is how most women come to orgasm - clitoris orgasm. Give her oral sex, while doing that insert your finger, so palm is facing upwards and rub the top of her vagina just below the clitoris while you do your tongue duties. As you get closer she will tense up as the pressure gets unbearable prior to the release. She might attempt to end it due to sensitivity but convince her she has to ride it out or she'll miss the orgasm. That's the quick and dirty - buy a good book, do some reading.

Why did you marry Joe if John is a better "fit"? Normally, I don't like to be too blunt but it sounds as if Joe needs to grow up. Call the cops and have them escort him out if he won't leave. You have to be serious, he's not going to respond to anything else. Then change the locks. Personally, I don't think Joe's going to change any time soon. The fact that he placed a personal's ad shows you he's mentally and emotionally out of the relationship. All that's left is for his physical body to follow. I would suggest talking to him about it but it sounds as if that's a moot point. Take care of yourself here.

The exact same thing happened with me and my ex. She's now dating someone new. I suggest you put some space between her and you and let the both of you see what life is like without the other. Dating someone new doesn't mean marriage and someday in the future you might hook up again but it's better she does this now than 10 years from now when you're married. Consider it a test of your love.

It's a cry for help. It's like screaming "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN PAIN! DON'T YOU CARE?" You want them to react - you want them to prove that they love you by showing what you said hurt them. It doesn't work though - all it does is create greater problems. What you lack when you do such things is the security in yourself and the relationship. These are things that you have to learn (unfortunately, usually the hard way).

You've answered your own question. You don't want to be used, and he won't give you what you need to not feel used. You have to honest with yourself. Don't be afraid of not finding someone who will give you what you need. So many people are afraid of being alone but you won't be. To find true love you have to be patient. Anyone can have sex and use or be used... but that's not what you want. You want the real thing and for that you have to be willing to be patient and spend time alone. You may miss out on the real thing if you accept something that doesn't make you happy.

First off, conversation will improve as you spend more time together and gradually have more to talk about (more in common). As for confidence. Everyone is insecure in some way. I am. What you learn in time is indifference and apathy. Who cares? I don't care anymore what people think, I have more pressing things on my mind. It helps though when you accomplish things in your life so confidence tends to come as you get older and have more accomplishments behind you to be proud of. For now, just remember, she thinks you're cute and she's willing to get into a relationship. That's all you should care about. Who cares what other people think, the woman you're interested in thinks you're cute. Not a small thing. She's hot for you! Go get her!

Many relationships end because of one wanting children and the other not wanting children. It sounds as if you're willing to give up your hope of children for him but he isn't willing to for you. Let's look at it though. What does he have to do other than plant his seed? Does he have to carry the child? No. Does he have to give birth? No. Does he have to breast feed or change the baby? Not if you do it. So all he has to do is give up a bit of freedom to accommodate the child. It's more of a psychological burden for him then anything else. You only live once. Don't give up the opportunity to have a child out of fear of losing your boyfriend. If he feels that his freedom is more important than you and your happiness... you have to think about that.

I'm of mixed emotions. He told you about it. He didn't have to. It's unlikely you would have found out. thereforeeeeee, he cares. Problem is that it sounds like he is burning to experience other things. How old are you two? Has he had many girlfriend before you? It's possible he's looking at marriage and kids as a scary thing. It really depends on your age but don't rush things. You could in your race to get married and have kids lose him. My advice is to make sure you are at peace with it. If you're not, talk to him about it. Once you are at peace PLEASE PLEASE never bring it up again in the heat of the moment or during an argument. I've see so many relationships die because someone brings up something up over and over again. Deal with it NOW and then let it go. Let the future decide if you two are meant together based on his future actions, don't let this one ruin everything.

Whoa... slow down. Although what he's doing is wrong. Why do you care? If you want to report him to get revenge then that's just as wrong. It's spiteful and it's the wrong way to approach any situation. If you're doing it because what he's doing is wrong then I agree with your decision. The problem is that even if you report him, she'll just get someone else. If you truly care about what's going on you have to let someone know who will investigate HER (the 13 year old) as well. Early sexual activity can be a symptom of bigger things like a history of sexual abuse.

I think at that age she's feeling confined by the relationship. All you can do is let her go and hope she comes back. She may need to date a couple other men to decide that you're the one. That's the problem when you've had limited or no other relationships. You're wondering if this is it? You can't do anything. All you can do is get on with your life and wait to see what she decides. As well, breaking off all contact is good if you can't stand to be around her and just be friends but don't do it to punish her. If there's a future for the two of you someday, you'll never have a chance to take part if you cut all ties. True love is wanting her to be happy wherever she is no matter how hard it is on you. I'm where you are but it's 2 months later and she's dating. I didn't want it, it killed me at times and I hate not being with her but, honestly, its the woman's choice. You just have to decide if you still want to be a part of her life after it's over.

The Difference Between Men and Women --------------------------------------------------- Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . ..February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their .... . . ''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud. ''What?'' says Roger, startled. ''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so . .... . '' (She breaks down, sobbing.) ''What?'' says Roger. ''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.'' ''There's no horse?'' says Roger. ''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says. ''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. ''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) ''Yes,'' he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says. ''What way?'' says Roger. ''That way about time,'' says Elaine. ''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.'' (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) ''Thank you, Roger,'' she says. ''Thank you,'' says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

Sorry to say, there's nothing you can do. You see this a lot actually. People struggling in their adult lifes with issues from their childhood. You, yourself, know that you can't give her the love of her parents - she has to come to terms with that in time. Don't worry so much about it though, a lot of people struggle with this and it takes time to learn to love yourself enough not need that love. She just hasn't learned that yet. Don't stay if it's unhealthy for you emotionally or spiritually. If it hurts too much, take a break from it. If you do stay, don't try to change her, just listen to her and be a friend.

You're in a crappy spot but it happens. You aren't the first person that it's happened to and you won't be the last. The other guys gave good advice. I'd hit the road. See, you filled a role while the father was gone but he's back and no matter how much it might hurt, he's more important. It doesn't matter that you were there when he wasn't, he is linked to them both in a way that you will never be. Look at it this way, you may have helped that child in ways that he won't know, won't be able to thank you but will always be a better person for it. By being there for his mother, you helped her through a tough time and not only caused the father to come back but helped make it possible for it to happen. You possibly gave that child his father back - you have done a selfless deed that will enrich that child's life in ways no one will ever know. So don't feel sad, feel happy and proud that you've already had a positive effect on someone's life.

Unfortunately, anyone with an addiction has to decide for themselves that they need help, you can't force them to change. What you can do: Intervention - this is extreme - please note that. This is where you get everyone who loves her together and when she comes home one day you sit her down with everyone and you talk to her about how she has a problem and how it is effecting not only her but everyone who lovers her. When she sees how significant it is to everyone else, she might take it to heart. The options for her, when trying to deal with it is to join a 12 step program like that of AA. Like any addiction, you don't just decide to stop, you have to want to stop and it's a struggle as you have to them face the demons that are the reason you had your addiction in the first place.

Agreed. If I had done my breakup differently I'd probably still be with her. A learning experience!

I've been there. My ex was east indian and didn't want her to marry a white boy. Unfortunately, I didn't support my ex in the way she wanted as I have two little boys and when her father threatened to kill one or both of us, I told her I'd have to move out for the safety of my boys. My relationship was on the downward spiral at that time and that was the death knell. Having experienced it all I can say is: 1) Support your partner in her trial. She is having to decide between her love of you and her obligation to them. If you love her and want her, SUPPORT HER! Give her a reason to stay! 2) You can convince her family to accept you. You see, it's not personal, so because it's not personal there's nothing you can do. Just support her in whatever she decides, that will show her your love.

No, I like it though.