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kdreger

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  1. kdreger
    So the trip went fine? Interesting that she invited you then dumped you *after* the trip. Usually, when this kind of thing happens, women dump you before, go on the trip and get laid. "What happens on the road STAYS on the road!" - remember that rule! Keep your pride. Don't chase her.
  2. kdreger
    Maybe Dr. Laura gives good advice even though she's a *beep* (I'm not gay but I respect their choice - that *beep* thinks they are an abomination - well *beep* her). Sorry, getting off topic. Anyways, I have to admit I do think it's unfair of you to put pressure on her. Honestly, do you want her to stay if she's unhappy? When you love someone, you want them to be happy, even if they're not happy with you. Wanting someone to stay with you because you want them around is wrong - it's selfish and it isn't love. I understand your belief that you should fight if it's important but as you yourself said, she's been fighting for your relationship for awhile now. Now she's tired. As they say, "if you truly love something, set it free...".
  3. kdreger
    Agreed. You are who you are. Do what makes you happy and keeps you healthy emotionally. You don't have to deal with her crap anymore. If one of your friends gave you grief, you'd be honest, tell the person and that's that. All you're doing is treating her like a real friend. If she doesn't like it, she's the one with the problem (obviously thinks she should get special treatment - NOT!).
  4. kdreger
    I see your point and agree. If you are in a relationship and find yourself feeling a certain way about someone else, you should remove yourself from the situation. If you don't, I would agree that you're leaning towards infidelity. This is based on my comment that how you act on those feelings leads towards infidelity. You can fall in love with a glance - it's a superficial love but it's love. That is not infidelity. As you say, if you act on it instead of removing yourself from the situation - that's where infidelity comes in.
  5. kdreger
    This is an interesting topic as it will show you the thought patterns of a lot of people. As for me: This isn't infidelity. This is falling in love. You don't choose who you fall in love with or fall out of love with. Infidelity, IMHO, is a conscious choice. You can't help how you feel. It's what you do based on those feelings that lead to infidelity, which leads us to the next two. An example of this is in the movie "Bridges of Madison Country". Saying you were caught up in the moment is IMHO a cop out. #2 is the same as #3, how do you "accidentally" sleep with someone? People use alcohol as an excuse to rationalize something they WANT to do. Comparing #2 to #3 is like comparing pre-meditated murder to manslaughter. Both are murder. One is just considered worse than the other because one was done in a moment of passion and the other was planned. Both still involve a prison sentence.
  6. kdreger
    Obviously your friends haven't been in your position. It's alway easier for the person who left. When they left they took control of their life and initiated the break. You were left to pick up the pieces of your life and your heart. It takes awhile to heal. I know because I'm there. My ex will call me to talk. She's moved on and is in a new relationship - of course, it's not hard for her. I'm still letting go and grieving alone. I'm the same as you - I don't want reminders! Tell your friends that you still need time but you have to understand that you can't put them in the middle of this. It is your issue and so you have to walk this path alone. In time, you will be ok and then you will be able to see your ex and not feel the same grief. Just be patient and strong in your decision. I think you've done the right thing for you. It's not forever, it's just for now.
  7. kdreger
    You know what, you don't have to do anything. See, us men, we know women are confusing. We accept that - it's wisdom that is passed on from man to son. It's even possible that he blamed himself. While you're thinking you have to make it up to him, he's thinking "Don't screw it up this time!". You slept with him on Feb.14 and he's been attempting to win you back since. At least, that's how he sees it. He's probably been agonizing about what to say and how to say it. Sometimes you've been in a good mood and smiled at him and he read it as something he did. HA! So you'll go out with him and be sexy, possibly sleep with him. You know what he'll be thinking? All that effort paid off. Men... they're so cute.
  8. kdreger
    Been there. She wants her cake and eat it too. She wants the comfort of you without the relationship responsibilities. Don't fall for it if you're emotionally attached. All that will happen is you'll get heartbroken. I fell for it. She strung me along for ages while she made up her mind. It messes with you hanging on to false hope. They tell you no but then kiss you and touch you in intimate ways. My buddy would tell me "Keep away from her" but, of course, I thought I knew her and myself better. Nope. It sounds like you know this all already. I'm just confirming your suspicions.
  9. kdreger
    What is love? Hmmmm... Love is wanting and needing someone like air. Love is when they aren't around you feel lost and every moment is filled with thoughts of the next time you will see them. Love is where you feel as if you could eat them alive and you still wouldn't be close enough. Love is so many things but most importantly love is a need - a need for them. You'll know when you are in love - your life will never be the same and you'll be willing to do anything to keep that feeling alive. He might love you and that is where the tension comes from at times - the reason you two fight. He wants something you can't give him. He wants your love. You will know love when you feel it. Trust me. You and him might just be at different points in how you feel. You have been honest with him and that's all you can do.
  10. kdreger
    I would have one suggestion. Kiss softly and slowly. Treat her like a delicate creature where if you kiss her too hard she will break and crumble. Move slowly, close your eyes and lean into her neck. Kiss her softly on her neck. On her cheek and then go for her lips. Run your lips along hers but don't kiss. Then do the same with your tongue. Run it softly along her lips. Start on one lip and travel slowly as if you're tracing her lips with your tongue. Then return to her neck, go to her ear lobes etc etc. The trick is to tantelize and be sensual. Like in sex, don't go for the gold right away... play a little. Tease and enjoy the excitement, the tension and the moment.
  11. kdreger
    People heal at different rates and in different ways. There is no right way to get over heartbreak. I would stress though that, in order for you to really get over him, you can't have contact with him, as you'll hold onto false hope and those feelings will hang on. You need to remember that he's moved on. It hurts but you have to face that pain in order to heal. You can't choose to fall in love any more than you can choose to fall out of love. You have to face it's over, grieve, and let go.
  12. kdreger
    Definitely. Not only is it ok, it's classy. I've done that on first dates and let me tell you... if you want to win them over from the start it's the way to go. The best part is that it's not aggressive but it gets your point accross.
  13. kdreger
    Nothing is more unattractive then jealousy to the point that it's beyond reason. You have to remember though that the reason he is jealous is because he is insecure in the relationship or with himself. Nothing you can do about that. He'll find reasons to be jealous in anything. If a guy ever calls there (even if he's calling to sell you something) your boyfriend will react. Some poor SOB could be calling to sell you hand lotion and get the third degree from your guy. Trust me, if he doesn't change, you'll get sick of it and him. It just gets exhausting after awhile. You just get tired of the emotional ups and downs. What you might want to do is take the "insulted" stance. If he implies something tell him that you're insulted that he could think that. You have to be tough with him because he's not going to clue in otherwise. Show him the door and tell him that you care about him but you need a relationship based on trust. If he can't trust you then you might as well leave.
  14. kdreger
    I'm not a fan of makeup. The problem with makeup is that eventually it comes off. I understand it being used to accent or coverup flaws at times but when you see those women spend hours getting ready... lord! Talk about too much upkeep! Better to find a guy who finds you beautiful in your natural beauty. The relationship will "age" better. I like the idea of lip gloss... no idea why... maybe I'm a fan of lips being a fan of kissing. As for hair, it really depends on the woman. I'm a fan of long hair. Don't ask me why...?
  15. kdreger
    Hmmm... well it really depends on what you're going for and what type of man you're trying to get. The less you wear the better in the sense that you accent your strong points physically but leave something to the imagination - that's why belly button t-shirts and tight jeans are popular. The imagination is a powerful thing. The more you envoke it in your lover the more excited and nervous they will be. Teasing as well. I think the worse part of a relationship is if you let it get comfortable to the point things are taken for granted. If a man had to earn his women everyday, there'd be far more long term relationships. Go out dancing and dance seductively.. tease him. Never let him take anything for granted.
  16. kdreger
    Hey it happens ALL the time! Don't feel guilty for feeling that way. When I was married there was a secretary in the office and she was HOT! Tall german girl... very "healthy". We flirted and joked but that was it. You have to draw a line in the sand and never go near it. Anything comes close - run in the opposite direction because in the heat of the moment things happen fast!!! Many people have gotten into trouble just because of it happening so fast. What is dangerous is that you are using MSN on company computers to chat about things you would like to do... that's what I'm partially stressing as dangerous. A lot of companies track that stuff as on company computers privacy does not exist. If push comes to shove they can use that against you or your gentleman friend. Would you want it to get out like that? Someone in management finds out and the grapevine gets ahold of it... suddenly your spouses hear about it - graphic details too. As well, you are loyal but is he. We never really know each other - we think we do but we don't. Just watch out.
  17. kdreger
    Hey, don't apologize. I agree - all advice means crap where you are. It doesn't help the pain. Trust me though. I thought my ex was the one! She was awesome. What my problem was is that I thought I'd never do as good as her again - that I lost my chance for happiness. Not true. In time, you'll see. I got this kind of advice from friends and family and it didn't help but in time - I discovered it's true.
  18. kdreger
    Wait! I've been where you are. I felt the loss of hope, the not caring about life and the thoughts of wanting the pain to just end. Thing is that when people tell you that it gets better... it's true! You have to be strong and ride this out. Every day you last is one day closer to surviving. You have to remember as well that the future isn't written. It's quite possible that some day in the future you two might get back together. Not today, next week, next month or 6 months from now but it may happen. If you end it all... you'll never get the chance to find out. You have to stop taking all the blame as well - you have to forgive yourself and let go. Do me a favor. Give time a chance.
  19. kdreger
    Yikes! Although it probably won't help much, you have to remember that you two weren't together anymore. I think the older friend is walking a fine line as she was in a bad spot when he got into a relationship with her but again you don't know what all went down. You obviously still care about her and that's part of the problem. If you didn't care about her anymore, you'd probably be happy that she's happy. This might sound strange but part of dealing with this is forgiving them. You can't carry this pain around - it'll eat you up alive. You're not getting closure. I would suggest you talk to them about this especially your male friend - have it out. You might be surprised with the amount of guilt and grief he carries around with him about it.
  20. kdreger
    First off, you can't buy love. I think you should work more on expressing love in ways that imply the depth of your love. Poetry is a good start. How about picking her flowers instead of buying them. Remember, you can't force her to love you. You have to do all these things without having expectations. Your flaw is expecting these things to make a difference. They may not. That is why using money invested as a gauge is wrong. Better to do things that cost you time not money as you could use time that you wished you were spending with her on these things. If it doesn't work out then you're not out anything but your time and that is fair to invest on someone you love.
  21. kdreger
    Easy solution. Communicate. Tell him how you feel and see what happens.
  22. kdreger
    I don't think anyone else's opinion should sway the way you think. How you feel about it is all that matters in your relationship. You shouldn't accept anything that makes you feel uncomfortable - we are who we are. That said, I think this is comparable to the watching porn debate at it's simplest form - harmless for the most part because it's a "fantasy". What makes this worse, in this case, is that there are cases where the lesbians in question are not strangers. If these lesbians were strangers I would think less about it but calling an ex-gf? No no no. That's not good. It changes it from a fantasy into a reality and that is dangerous as it can lead to other things. I don't know your bf so I don't know how trust worthy he is. If he says he will stop - will he? That's a decision you have to make.
  23. kdreger

    Broken Hearted

    kdreger replied to Jade12's topic in Infidelity

    Yikes! It doesn't get much harder than that. Worst case scenario: You, of course, know that you have no say over the child if it's his. She can choose to have it and then your man is linked to them forever. She might have the child to spite him or try to get him. A DNA test will prove or disprove it. I suggest you convince him to get one. Otherwise, he will be obligated to financially raise that child for 18 years! As well, he should not sign *ANYTHING*. This is very serious. Honestly, this is something so big that it might be hard to recover from. That child will be a reminder of his infidelity and that child will always be around if he fulfils his obligations as a father. Better case scenario: It's not his. The problem is that he still fooled around. Can you trust him that this was the only time? Has there been others? How do you regain that trust. That is what is important! Why did he fool around? Can this problem be fixed. Summary: You have to be strong now and think about yourself. Do you want to be with someone like that or be around this situation? It's not healthy for you emotionally or spiritually. You might want to take a break and tell him that fate will decide what happens. He might also need to lose you for awhile to really understand how significant his decision was - it was very selfish of him.
  24. kdreger
    We only regret what we didn't do. You're playing with fire here. Many things may happen. What if you have a party at work and both of you get drunk... inhibitions gone and something happens. This feeling won't go away while you work with him. There's a curiosity and excitement there. Do you know if your MSN at work is private? Has anyone read anything you two send back to each other? Do you know if your work polices your MSN? What if someone walks in and sees what you're typing to him? Do you two ever spend time together? Do you feel the tension? Is it obvious to others? Tread lightly as this can get dangerous quickly.
  25. kdreger
    First off, like your icon. Anyways, you will lose this battle of wills if you let it get to you. Don't give a crap or at least act that way. She's trying to get control of you through the sex and the manipulation of her attention given to you. You have to show her that it doesn't work. She can't have control over you or she will make your life a living hell. Either she has to give in or it just won't work out between you.
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