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kdreger

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Everything posted by kdreger

  1. kdreger
    When we pick friends and mates we should pick people who are uplifting - people who make our lives better. Just because you've been with someone for 3 years doesn't mean he's the right person for you. Add to that the fact that you've had limited contact with very many people and it sounds as if you've stayed with Peter out of a lack of options or guilt. Along comes Rob who opens up your life by showing you what you could have. Ever watch Bridges of Madison County? The parallel here is that your life is very small and within that small world you have accepted someone who isn't necessarily the best choice. Finally, phobia's represent unconscious fears. Are you surprised that your relationship with Rob has given you strength? That you were not agoraphobic before you met Peter? That you became agoraphobic while with Peter? For some reason you became afraid of the world outside your door while you were with Peter and Rob has given you the strength to face this world. This is not a small thing.
  2. kdreger
    Treat it like a lollipop and if you need to practic buy a lollipop and play with it for awhile. That said, part of the skill is the seduction and teasing. Lastly, trying stroking a guy before involving your mouth in the act. Even the stroking is an art on some level.
  3. kdreger
    He's 49 and you're 27? HE'S A LUCKY SOB!!! If you want to know if it'll work just do the math... When he's 60, you'll be 39... he'll be getting close to retirement and you'll be in your prime. Forget it.
  4. kdreger
    Some people feel that we are not meant to mate for life. Affairs happen for many reasons: 1) Loneliness 2) Boredom 3) Selfishness The only way you can prevent it is to never make your mate feel ignored or insignificant. As well, people go back to their mates they left because the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
  5. kdreger
    Meagan, Do yourself a favor and tell someone you can trust. Tell the person your fears and tell them only on the condition that your safety is taken into consideration. If you don't: 1) Chances are he'll do it again 2) You will never be at peace knowing he got away with it 3) There's a chance by telling that you can stop him from doing it to someone else. This is a big deal. I'm sorry it happened.
  6. kdreger
    If you ever get into a relationship with this guy (read: sex) it will never be the same. Your guy friend is right, if you do get into a relationship it will compromise the friendship. Respect his wishes - there are many men out there but very few life long meaningful friends.
  7. kdreger
    You need to dump your boyfriend and stop having sex for awhile. While you're being celibate you need to both start reading about rape and molestation as well as see a therapist. Children or young adults who are raped experience complicated emotions, which have a detrimental effect on their sense of self. Guilt, self-hatred, pleasure and confusion. Now add to that a boyfriend who obviously is (like the prior poster stated) a sicko and it's a self-destructive mix. Without a doubt you are only saying yes to your boyfriend because of your past rape/molestation. If you were in a healthy sexual relationship you wouldn't be doing it. You know what you feel - be true to yourself.
  8. kdreger
    Ok just so I have all the facts here - you are leaving your husband for a lesbian relationship. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, your girlfriend should be ok with it as she can give you "things" that your husband can't. What you're facing is the same thing hundreds of couples face every year. Your new girlfriend is jealous of the close relationship you have with your ex-husband and is insecure in the relationship. Look it from her point of view - you had a husband for 16 YEARS and two kids. That's a whole part of your life she will never be a part of or understand. It's hard. What you can do is be patient with her and try to ensure she doesn't feel she's 2nd best. She is to the kids (it's only natural) but she can't feel that way when it comes to the ex-husband! Next time a holiday is coming up invite the kids separate from the ex-husband to spend time with you and her. Don't talk about your ex-husband around her - make her feel that he (although is still in your life) is not more important than her.
  9. kdreger
    There's an important fact missing here: what is your age and what is hers. Age difference is an issue based on the amount and the ages of the people. For example 18 vs 31 is a bigger deal than 31 vs 43. The reality is in the first case the 18 year old doesn't have close to the same life experiences. In the second case, the 43 year old is... woohoo getting lucky!!! heheheh Seriously, if there is enough in common that you have a good time together, age shouldn't matter. The time when you run into problems is when your lives go in different directions due to the age difference (the issue of kids, meeting inlaws, sex drives, work, income etc).
  10. kdreger
    Is it safe to assume that when you "saw each other" that there was sex involved? I think it's safe to say he was in it for the sex. Honestly though, would you want to be with a man who would have affairs? Once a cheater always a cheater. You should always live your life from the point of view: would you like it done to you? I would go so far as suggest an email to the wife. The guy is a pig.
  11. kdreger
    It's natural to be concerned with death - I mean it's unavoidable. That said, worrying about death is as useful as worrying about anything else in life - worrying doesn't solve the problem. If you're really concerned, start reading about it all - various religions and belief systems until you find one that helps give your life meaning. Live a meaningful life and you will be at peace with death.
  12. kdreger
    Have your male friends sit on their hands until the're numb... it's called THE STRANGER!!! *snort* Seriously though, I wouldn't use anything "homemade". What if it breaks in some fashion while you're using it? What if you "carve" a shape and get a "sliver"... Yikes! Sex toys are cheap, and it's better to buy one tested and safe then try to save money or embarrasment by making one.
  13. kdreger
    If you're not sleeping with them there's no problem. If you were it would still depend on if either was a serious relationship. Do you think they have any right to expect you to not spend time with other men? IMHO, until you're serious it's just friendships and you can have as many male friends as you want.
  14. kdreger
    Rene, you one of many people who are dealing with a broken heart. Of course, it gets better. Chances are you only accepted the "friends with benefits" because you wanted him on whatever terms you could get. I've been there. The person leaving doesn't just disappear, they leave in bits and pieces, over time - tearing you apart slowly. The only way you deal with it is: 1) Make peace with it - accept it's over 2) Don't keep contact - when you can go a week without thinking about him then contact him again - until then, no contact - it only drags the pain on and on 3) Get angry - more below One thing I want you to know. He was playing you. The only person who benefits from "friends with benefits" is the person who comes up with the idea. Chances are he just wanted sex until he could get someone to replace you. Now he's has someone to replace you for sex and is kicking you to the curb. To top it all off he wants to stay friends. I'll let you in on a secret - he's doing that so some day in the future he can ask you for sex again - trust me, I have guy friends - I've seen it all.
  15. kdreger
    Your ex may have been sexually abused, have controlling parents or be the child of an alcoholic. Whatever the reason, she questions her own worth and worries that a sexual relationship is all that you're interested in. She has issues and you can't convince her otherwise. She has to learn these things herself. Don't live in misery out of love for her. You're doing both of you a disservice. She doesn't get a chance to grow and you're miserable. Let her go and let her date other men and discover how men who are truly only interested in sex are like. She sounds miserable and she's making you miserable. Life is too short.
  16. kdreger
    You have to make a list and the both of you discuss it. On this list you note the pros and cons of either of you moving. You two will have to come to a compromise. Chances are he will want you to move as men have a tendency to care about career potential and money. On the other hand, you don't want a guy who's willing to drop his job and move as 6 months later you don't want a bum without a job leeching off you and a feeling of guilt keeping you from kicking his butt out of the house. As well, in future arguments, there's the chance he'll always bring up how he gave up blah blah blah to be with you and how you don't appreciate it blah blah. Ugh. My advice is that you move and help your sister with the house expenses until she gets a roommate etc. If you move to him, he will need to support you until you get a job (unless you successfully transfer there) and ensure your feelings of homesickness are fulfilled by his attention. Based on your information, I assume you have a child. If so, you have to ensure this man and your child get along well as he is going to be seeing a lot of the child and you are allowing a "stranger" to have a lot of sway on your child's life. Good luck and much happiness.
  17. kdreger
    His ex is staying at his place? And he lied to you at least twice? Dump him to the curb. WITHOUT OUT A DOUBT, he's done stuff you don't know about. Once a cheater, always a cheater. PS If you want to get him back be sure to get new guys to pick you up at the job where he's the manager (snicker).
  18. kdreger
    Most people who tell you to see a counsellor and that is what you should do, if possible. It is ALWAYS better to get professional help first in the hopes it will salvage the marriage. That said, I doubt, based on what you've said, that you guy will go see one. I hate to say this but it sounds like a bad situation and one you don't want to raise your son in. It is better to raise a child alone then raise a child in a destructive environment. Based on what you've said, he needs to get his 5 year old psychological help. You need to make a decision before that 5 year old has a negative effect on your own son. All future decisions should be based on how they effect your child.
  19. kdreger
    I disagree with everyone who says you have to talk to Chelsea about this. This isn't Chelsea's problem. She was so trusting of you that she told you her ultimate secret. You repaid that trust by keeping it a secret. You two are what real friendships are. You should be proud of her and yourself. Jake on the other hand is an arrogant idiot. Obviously the world revolves around him as he's too immature to accept the truth from you - he obviously doesn't respect you based on what he says and has done. Don't jeapordize your real friendship with Chelsea over Jake. Kick Jake to the curb. There's a million Jakes in the world but very few friendships like the one you share with Chelsea.
  20. kdreger
    Your husband is out of line. That kind of intimacy should not exist outside of the marriage. It creates resentment and insecurity which leads to jealousy. Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. This is beyond harmless flirting at work as he's bringing it home with him. It is well known that when married, you have to be willing to give up close relationships with the opposite sex to protect the marriage. It's a reality of deciding to get married. I don't think it is out of line to expect him to choose. If he's really serious about the marriage he should be willing to cut back on his interacting with her. Simply put, he shouldn't need her to feel good about himself because he has you. Whatever he gets from her he should get from you. The way he's acting now is disrespectful, out of line and will only result in trouble.
  21. kdreger
    Did you have sex or was it just fingering? Are you "large"? Possibly, you bruised something in there or you worked muscles that have never been worked before. Wait a couple of days, the soreness should decrease. If not, I suggest she go so a doctor and get checked out.
  22. kdreger
    Yes, there is a hell and you're living it. Life can be heaven or hell - it's really up to you but this has nothing to do with religion. I know it's hard but it seems that whenever people are miserable it is because they are alone and feel unwanted. The greatest freedom you can gain is when you learn to love yourself and not need confirmation of your worth based on other peoples opinions of you. This is especially important for you, as gay people live on the fringe of society. Quite honestly, a large percentage of society are unacceptable of homosexuals. It's a mirror of black culture - it's battle for equality. To escape these feelings of hopelessness and be able to not only survive the cruelties of life but overcome them you have to accept the inherent insensitive of humanity because of it's selfishness and ignorance. Once you accept that, you must stop looking to society for self-worth. Who are these people to tell you your worth? Who made them capable of judging you? No one. You are as special and important as anyone else on this planet - special for your individual beauty and power.
  23. kdreger
    I'm sorry but I don't have any good news for you. The reality is that the only person you can rely on is yourself. Although you can look to friends for support, your family is who they are, there is nothing you can do about that. There are two things you need to remember: 1) It is only 2 years!!! Don't ruin the rest of your life by running away or something else drastic. Think about it. You've survived this long and in 2 years you can move away to college!!! 2) Your brother is spiteful because he resents and envies you. Whenever he is difficult remember that - he hates you because he hates aspects of himself. If you want to make life easier - don't fight them. Roll with the punches, so to speak. It's not an easy time ahead for you but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
  24. kdreger
    Errr... it's hard to give much advice without being too graphic. I would suggest you search the net for "instructions". Your tongue is a soft, moist brush and the best success is: 1) teasing - lick her everywhere before hand - move in then move away 2) slow and soft - intensity from excitement building 3) don't go straight to the clitoris - that's like sex without foreplay 4) when you finally go for the clitoris use your fingers at the same time a) insert them in her vagina to intensify the feeling - finger her (find her g-spot which is at the top of her vagina and rub it) b) use them to spread the lips of the vagina to have full access c) give the thumbs up to your friends hiding in the closet (ok ok joke) 5) use repetitive motion and build in intensity (up and down or right to left) Honestly, its sort of something you learn with practice. I'm sure, if you have a girlfriend, she'd be more than willing to let you practice .
  25. kdreger
    A switchboard is usually just a place where you direct incoming phone calls. It's complexity depends on the size of the switchboard and the age. You going for a secretarial job?
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