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kdreger

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  1. kdreger
    1) Problem: you don't know what she's thinking. For all you know she's telling all her friends that she's being incredibly obvious and you're not doing anything. 2) Problem: you're letting her get to you. For your own sanity you have to stop walking the fence. Either decide you're going to chase her and make a move or that she's not worth your time and just ignore her. 3) Problem: for some reason a lot of women won't make the first move. They'll allude to being interested and flirt but won't actually act on it. So even if you think she's interested she's never going to call or ask you out.
  2. kdreger
    Warning!, Will Robinson, Warning! Friend alert! Friend alert! Important question you have to ask yourself. Would it kill you if this girl thought of you as only a friend? That might be the problem. Women tend to try to keep guy friends around so they can feel good about themselves (versus guys keeping girl friends around so they can try to get some). Anyways, if you want this girl then you're going to have to do something to show your interest BUT it might cost you a friendship if she only wants to be friends. My suggestions: 1) When you're walking grab her hand - it's not aggressive but it create physical contact. If she pulls away - DAMN! Friendship. If she doesn't, you've passed the first test bud. 2) Look into her eyes deeply as you're holding her hand. Does she look away or make a joke or pull her hand away? DAMN! Friendship. If she doesn't and stares back at you... smiling too? Second test passed!! 3) Stop walking, grab her other hand and face her straight on. Tell her you think about her all the time and you want to know if she feels the same way. Does she bolt? Laugh out loud? DAMN! Friendship. Does she smile and look away but doesn't remove her hands? Does she say yes? Does she throw you down and jump on you? SUCCESS!
  3. kdreger
    I hear ya. Sometimes you wish things would get better but they never seem to. It's like banging your head against a wall. This woman lied to you so you have to remember that when you make your decision. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first. Besides, you can't solve her problems for her. She has to face her demons herself - there's nothing you can do if she won't help herself. That leaves you. Now what do you want out of life right now? Will you get that going back to the UK or staying where you are? First, you have to get out of the situation you are in with that girl. Her demons will keep you from solving your own problems. Once you're free from that then assess your life. What do you want? How can you get it? What do you have to do? Set realistic goals. As you reach each goal the next goal will seem possible. Eventually, you will look back and be impressed by what you have accomplished. It's important that you don't look at the big picture too much as it can overwhelm you. Figure out the first step and work towards it.
  4. kdreger
    The disease is like suicide, it's a cry for help. Your roommate is hurting and is doing it as a way to get the love they don't feel they would get otherwise. I suggest you talk to someone close to them - parent, guardian, counsellor about your suspicions. Don't venture into that territory (ask questions or imply knowledge) as it can make things worse. There's shame involved to because your roommate will feel ashamed for needing to do such a thing to get love. These things are complicated and shouldn't be taken lightly. Most of all support your roommate and let them know that you care. Sometimes just having one person say they care is enough to start on the road to recovery. It may take your roommate awhile to understand this and only they can make the decision to get better.
  5. kdreger
    Easy answer. Email her and make a date to meet. See how it goes. Take it slow and don't make any expectations. If it goes well, ask to see her again. Take it in baby steps. It's been awhile but those feelings might still be there for her.
  6. kdreger
    I don't know of any way to help you let go and, unfortunately, there is no quick fixes. You have to break contact and let time heal your wounds. It's tough. Some will tell you to get into a new relationship to help but it doesn't help. All that does is mask the pain and delay dealing with it. You have to ride it out and grow from it. I suggest facing it full on and not running from it or denying it. You're probably like me. Some days are better than others. You feel as if you're getting better then a song or memory pops up and you feel ill or like someone knocked the wind out of you. It's all a part of healing from a broken heart. I can tell you it does slowly get better but it takes time - for you, someone you've been with for 7 years, I'd say 6 months to a year before you're at peace with it.
  7. kdreger
    Subtle... oh ok. Well, decide on what the worst case scenario's are. Plan for them. 1) She is threatening to kill herself - then she thinks she can't live without you so you have to make it so she feels she can. 2) You have no where to go - start to figure out options. 3) You have no money - again figure out options. Honestly, you need options or you won't escape. Either you have to make friends with someone out there that can bail you out or you have to find a place you can go with your limited options. Maybe contact your ex or someone in the UK to wire money to you to buy a ticket to get back.
  8. kdreger
    Ok if there's no way you can escape her... make her not want you. Even psychopath's can detest the right man. You have to get her to lose respect for you. 1) Start to cry ALL the time over EVERYTHING. HUGE SOBS! Wailing is good too. 2) Start to act permissive. When she asks you to make a decision - don't. Say you can't decide. Tell her you want her to decide for you. 3) Don't bathe, shower or take care of yourself anymore. Pick your nose in front of her and wipe it on her furniture. 4) Sit on your ass ALL the time. When she gives you hell about that - CRY! See #1 5) Purposely download disturbing pictures from the internet and leave them for her to find - beastiality etc. That's a start. Really what you want to is to escape her. The best way is to make her want you gone.
  9. kdreger
    Your feelings of having a low self-worth are based on the fact you were abused as a child. A person's childhood has a huge effect on their adult personality. Since you haven't experienced a healthy love until now, you have a problem being in a relationship where there is a healthy love. Don't be so hard on yourself, your argumentative aggressive personality is what you created to protect yourself in the bad times (defensive mechanism). The problem is that you have had this defensive mechanism so long you don't know how to let it go. You need to change the foundation of your being if you want this love with your woman to last. I'm sorry but counselling is important for that. You can't hide from your past. It is having a negative effect on your present. If you are ever to overcome your pain and be reborn into someone who can accept healthy unconditional love you need to face your past and make peace with it. Once you go to counselling you will understand. Don't fear counselling either. They will help you face your past at a speed that is comfortable for you and support you through each step. As well, you have a loving partner, include her if you need that extra support. My thoughts are with you.
  10. kdreger
    Look at it this way. Do you like the way you feel after you guys say goodbye? The emotional ups and downs. The sick feeling knowing you can't be with her. The sadness and sometimes anger? No, probably not. She might have decided the long distance thing is just too hard on her - that it makes her a mess. Possibly she wants to take a break and see what life has in store for her. If things weren't going to change why extend the relationship for years? Years of powerful emotions that you had to deal with on a daily basis. Be her friend, things might change, but they might not. She's made her decision, all you can do is show you love by respecting her decision.
  11. kdreger
    You care too much what people think. You see to successfully pee in front of an audience (women really have no understanding of the joy it is to be a guy and pee or shower in front of other guys) you just can't care. The truth is that no one should be looking at your little man. If you're standing there peeing and someone looks at your guy, as if to see how big it is, glare at him. Ask him if he wants to hold it. Would he like a picture because you can sign it too if he's a collector. It's all based on insecurity. Why guys hate dancing. Truth is in both cases (peeing and dancing) no one cares, they're all worried about looking like an ass themselves.
  12. kdreger
    It depends what you want. Nice guys get long term girlfriends but they don't get bad slutty girls. If all you want is sex: 1) Don't smile - look pissed off all the time 2) Seem moody - smiling is for losers 3) Act jaded - everything is bullshit 4) Don't try at anything - why should you? 5) Don't care about anyone or anything 6) Treat women like crap There you go. Being a bad boy in 6 easy lessons!
  13. kdreger

    Love!

    kdreger replied to Babes's topic in Relationship Advice

    Love Bites - Def Leppard Don't mind me... I'm a little jaded right now
  14. kdreger
    Details!!! How'd you screw it up? I'm in the same boat but the opposite. I screwed up a relationship with a little cutie. Sexy, attractive and fun. Was exciting in the sex department and was intelligent as well. I too have to live with the regret of trying to see if I can get that lucky again. Bah! eh!
  15. kdreger
    As my buddies used to say. Asking women out is a numbers game. Eventually, someone will say yes but in the meantime you have to deal with rejection. How do you deal with rejection? Remember one rule: IT'S NOT PERSONAL. There could be millions of reasons why she says no: 1) She's not interested 2) She doesn't like your hair color 3) She feels your aura is not conductive to her's 4) It's a Tuesday and no one accepts an offer on a weekday 5) You're obviously a Leo and she's a Gemini and everyone knows they don't match 6) etc etc etc ad naseum Seriously. The only way to handle rejection is accept it gracefully. If you take it in, it will effect your attitude and the next one you ask will see that in your attitude and say no. Then it just becomes a vicious cycle.
  16. kdreger
    I'm sorry Mike. I feel your pain. The same happened to me and I've struggled with it for 2 months now. It's hell on earth and I wonder sometimes what's the point in getting up in the morning. Yet, I have to go to work, I have to take care of my two boys and I have to breathe, eat and live. The hours pass, the days and then the weeks. Eventually, you will be at peace. I can't give you advice on how to make the pain go away. All I can say is I'm there with you and like me, you have to struggle through it. You can sen me an email anytime and we can chat about it. Most importantly you're not alone.
  17. kdreger
    That's a loaded question and I'm no psychologist but a lot of what you talk about goes back to a person's childhood. A lot of our demons in adulthood are due to what we lacked in childhood. There are people who were never loved (or felt loved) as children by their parents that get into the trap of mistaken sex with love because they have no real experience with true love. We all want unconditional love. Love that is not based on a particular aspect of ourselfs (so that if that characteristic changed or left we wouldn't be loved anymore). He doesn't sound like a sex addict. A sex addict is someone who needs sex in ways that most of us would find disturbing. Multiple partners who he doesn't know well many times a day at the cost of his relationship, family life, job etc. Where sex is as much of an addiction as alcoholism, drugs etc. That said, he may say he has never have felt as loved as when he has been with you but that will be put to the test in times of conflict.
  18. kdreger
    Many moons ago I had been married. I got a divorce (long story but was for the best IMHO). I dated for awhile but they were all freaky girls. I missed living with my two sons and for awhile there contemplated going back to her (better the devil you know than the one you don't). Thankfully, that passed. Really, there's a reason why you broke up. Unless you've grown and understand why it failed the first time, it'll just fail again.
  19. kdreger
    Love is like a yo-yo. You have good days and you have bad days. I'll have a few good days and think I'M OVER HER! Yes! And then we'll chat or email or see each other and I'll be lost for days. The breakup was my fault. I had to quick college because I ran out of cash (32) and had to go back to work at a shitty job and then at accounting, which I detest (I'm typing from work right now HA!). I was depressed and lost and I ignored her because of it (for 2-3 months). She went through a depression because of that - I wasn't there for her and she was dealing with her parents and her own loss of work. In that time I just wasn't around and she had too much time to think about everything. She says it caused her to fall out of love. So after tax season I started to find myself again and tried to recapture what we had but she was slowly drifting away (you know the - I need space - spend time with my friends). I reacted hurt and angry and that drove her away more. Can you drive a person away more or just confirm their doubts? So since our breakup (May 15th) I've been struggling with whether we were going to get back together or not. Not so. You know how you say you've given up hope but you really don't. It takes them practically shaking you and yelling GET LOST into your face. "Uhhhh you mean no or maybe"... bah. Us men are so dense.
  20. kdreger
    Obviously it can as my ex told me that she fell out of love for me. I'd argue that it's because her love wasn't genuine - in that she didn't love me but what she thought I was. I mean if you love someone, how can you fall out of love with them? I guess you do though. There are different kinds of love and if you fall out of love, it wasn't true love but love based on some sort of condition that was eventually lost.
  21. kdreger
    Well my ex told me that it's totally over. To close this chapter in my life and say goodbye. So I did. I told her if we ever see each other again it will be by fate. I want to be friends with her but it's too damn hard. I always hold on to hope every time I see her and she says she wants to be single and can't promise me anything. In other words, she's not interested. Now I feel like shit again and will for days. Love sucks. Bah!
  22. kdreger
    hahahhhahah hahahhahah Oh boy... I've been where you are. Here's the situation as I see it (although it may be different as the girl I knew isn't your friend but... I digress). The situation with the girl I knew that was like this is that she has a LOW self-worth. That makes no sense you might think as your friend is very attractive. So was mine. She would call me ALL the time about everything - tell me about who she slept with and who she liked etc etc. Or the guy she couldn't get over. Do you compliment her? Do you find yourself telling her that she is special and convincing her she has worth as a person and woman? The girl I knew was insensitive at times, self-involved and just plain spoilt. Why did I hang out with her. Well she was hot and I was trying to get into her pants by playing the good guy routine. Funny thing is that after awhile I was a drug to her. She needed me! Just before our friendship ended she was in tears one night as a guy she slept with never called her again. She felt like crap. It was at this time that I knew that she used me to give her self-worth. She asked me to come over and make love to her because she knew I would call her back the next day and make her feel worthy of love. I said NO. By this time I was dating someone special and I was honestly sick of her. Your friend is messed up. She doesn't know up from down. She's insecure and using you to make herself feel good. You are her ego boost as she does stupid insensitive things - her rational that if you are still friends with her she has value because you are a good person. My advice play hard to get. Make her work to be your friend. She's addicted to you, no doubt about it. Without you she's a mess. You decide what you want to do knowing this.
  23. kdreger
    It's all up to the other person. I think it's a good sign that you're here though. A lot of breakups don't reconcile because one or both of the partners aren't willing to make amends or forgive. A lot has to do with taking responsibility for your part in the break up and convincing the other person to trust you again. No one wants their heart broken and if you've broken it for that person once, why would they want to let you do it again? You have to allow time, forgiveness, love and fate to help. There's not much you can do but be patient and grow.
  24. kdreger
    Ditto I feel your pain. I was in this relationship with this special girl. Due to stress I ignored her for a few months and she said that it caused her to fall out of love. I dealt with the life problems and came back to her moving on. Problem is that I'm still in love. She says she doesn't want to be with *anyone* but she went on a date last weekend. She just doesn't want to be with me. I feel as if she is a drug and I can't kick the habit. Worse is that I only have myself to blame and that makes it hard. I try but I miss her dearly. Sometimes I think I'm over her and then a couple days later a wave of grief hits me. Apparently, I have 3 - 4 months to go of grieving before I'll heal. She's getting on with her life and I feel like I'm treading water waiting for life to get better for me. It just doesn't seem it is or will. So know that there are many here that feel your pain. We are here to struggle together and hopefully learn from each other and support each other through these times. So pull up a chair friend and let your heart spill the words you want to say. I will listen and know that I care.
  25. kdreger
    I hear ya! Life seems grey and not worth living. Remember though although things may seem dark, it'll never get any brighter if you don't muddle through these dark times. Who's to know what will happen in a week or a month. Better to hang out and see, you can't change your mind once you take your life. For all you know, you could win the lottery, start dating a pair of hot twin girls or she may come back with a reason that makes it all make sense. Life is a mystery. Don't waste it because of heartbreak. There's more to it than that.
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